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Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'ch wyliadau...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Ac mae'n clapio.
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol...
Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyda'r microfonau o'r rhelusol... Yn syniad os allwch chi clapio gyn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli.
Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. Yn y bwynt, mae'n bodoli. night at the proms. Albert Hall has never seen the last night at the proms and that is one of the saddest things about his life.
And imagine if you were called Wembley Arena.
Yeah!
Go. You know, it's times
like this when you realise just how lucky you are.
You've got a gamble podcast.
That's what we are called.
Episode... Yeah, no idea.
We don't know.
It's a fairly easy thing to check,
but we thought we'd just go into this blind.
It's not easy to check,
because on my computer where I store them,
because I store all the podcasts on a separate hard drive,
on an external hard drive,
I store podcasts, normal porn, and child porn.
Oh, I'm warning you.
What are you giving that away?
Oh, God!
You shouldn't have said that.
That's how they got Gary Glitter, isn't it?
Yeah, on a podcast, on his podcast.
What an idiot.
Yeah.
That's me, Ray Peacock, by the way.
I'm the one with the hard drive, so don't, please, don't be going to arresting Ed Gamble
over here.
Yeah, hello, I'm Ed Gamble.
All my child porn is under the mattress.
Oh, no!
We've done it again.
Anyway, nice to see you.
Thank you for coming.
This is the first podcast for a while.
It's 80-something.
80-something.
I think it's very much like ages,
that when you get over a certain one,
you just couldn't give a fuck anymore.
Because when you're young, they go,
how old are you?
And you go, like, 13 and three quarters or something.
And when you ask your gran, she just goes,
oh, something.
I'm older than the sun. I'm older than the son.
I'm older than the son?
And younger than my teeth.
Yeah, that is the saying, isn't it?
We will be doing a lot of sayings today
because while we've been away,
me and Ed,
becoming TV stars.
Why have we been doing that?
No, yes, we have.
We were on Russell Howard's Good News
the other day
and I am on Not Going Out
in a new series
and Ed has done a voiceover
on Greg Davies' DVD.
So don't be saying
that we are not
TV stars because
all those things
happen on the
telly.
All those things
happen there so
we are definitely
TV stars and we
are filming a
pilot in a week
or so.
God in a week.
We're doing it
in a week.
It is like 12
for some reason.
It's a wide
bit away but the
other thing we've
been doing in our
office where we
write all our
brilliant television programmes
is we sometimes just sit around and we will go,
oh, let's talk about our favourite sayings.
Yeah.
And Ed just done one then.
That one, of course.
I'm older than the sun, but not as old as my teeth.
That famous one.
There's the other one, isn't there, about the greenhouse?
Glasshouse.
Yeah.
If you live in a greenhouse, then put some clothes on.
Yeah, put some clothes on. Yeah, put some clothes on.
The grass is always greener when you paint it. Yeah,
that's brilliant. All the brilliant
stones. Yeah, sticks and stones come
from the forest, but names
are made up in your mouth.
That is a very famous one.
And also,
by the way, sticks and stones is
very important saying today,
given that today is Sunday,
and last night me and Ed were abused...
On Twitter.
On Twitter.
For quite a long amount of time.
Yeah, just for being nice boys.
Yeah, just for being nice boys on the telly
and being a little bit silly,
and then everyone went,
right, stop doing that, being silly on television.
Getting on my tits like children at a wedding.
Yeah, you're getting on my...
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good point, actually.
We were on telly last night, right?
Being, like, messing about and being a bit backward and that.
Right, and everyone's on Twitter going,
oh, no, this is...
Get him off the telly, get him off the telly.
Yeah, two weeks ago, children in need,
they're all going, oh, it's so sad.
Oh, it's such a shame, isn't it?
I'll give them loads of money.
Fuck you, you hypocrites.
All we did on Russell Owens Good News was children in need.
That is all we did.
Anyway, welcome to the show.
Yeah, welcome.
We've been unfair ourselves there. We weren't criticised on Twitter.
We were criticised by some people.
Yeah, yeah.
We thought it was worse than it was.
Yeah.
Until I worked out that we were searching the wrong thing. You worked out a system for Make Us Feel Better. were criticized by some people yeah yeah we we thought it was worse than it was yeah until i
worked out that we were searching the wrong thing you worked out a system for make us feel better
well no it was totally true because if you put in in a search peacock space gamble yeah then that was
50 50 people loving it yeah people really not liking it yeah right and we were like oh god
half the people don't like it yeah but if you then put at peacock gamble or just peacock gamble
which is the address of our Twitter.
Everyone liked it.
Everyone liked it.
A couple of little dissonant voices.
But yeah, so it was 75-25 in our favour.
I like that you went away and went, right, well, if you're going to be horrible about us,
I'm going to work out a mathematical formula.
I just imagine you sitting in your tiny little office with things all over the walls.
Like mathematical symbols, like 7 or Good Will Hunting
It's definitely the sort of thing that
Dave Gorman would do that
Dave Gorman would definitely do that
I wasn't bothered at all, I was at a gig
I wasn't bothered at all with my calculator
I wasn't bothered until I spoke to you
I was actually quite fine, I'd been following it on Twitter
a little bit because I was at a gig
and it was fine
and I'd said, I'd called it last week
saying it will really
divide them
as an audience
but that's a good thing
isn't it
I think if you type
in any comedian
into Twitter
you'll see loads of people
saying they're the worst
thing in the world
and loads of people
saying they're the best
thing in the world
we do have a tendency
to self-sabotage
so even in that first
intro we've just done
we were saying
everyone was saying
it was shit
and then they weren't
at all
no but that's just
it's always funnier
isn't it
yeah my body started self-sabotaging.
Your body?
Yeah, on the day we recorded it.
Yeah.
Put my back out.
Yeah, put your back out.
Put my leg out, which I've never done before.
I don't know what that was all about.
The leg was in love with your back and just followed it, isn't it?
Yeah, just spasmed up.
The thing is, if your back goes out, your leg's going out with it, mate.
They are in league.
Yeah, more about the kidneys, because my kidneys have played up a little bit as well.
Yeah, but they're always doing that, aren't they?
Yeah, stupid fucking things. Naughty boys. because their kidneys played up a little bit as well. Yeah. Yeah. But they're always doing that, aren't they? Yeah. Stupid fucking things.
Naughty boys.
Dirty kidneys.
And I'm not allowed
coffee anymore.
No.
But what's that you've got there?
Cup of coffee.
Cup of coffee.
Yeah.
I'm going to do,
when I go to the doctors,
what I want to say is
this is what I want.
Yeah.
You know the old
coffee filter machines
and you just put a piece
of paper in it?
Yeah.
I want one of them
put in the bottom of my neck.
Right.
Right.
So I can drink the coffee and then it goes through the filter so all that is then the bottom of my neck. Right. So I can drink the coffee.
And then it goes through the filter.
So all it is then is water in my body.
Right.
But, mate, don't you like coffee for the effect it gives you?
So when you're tired, you're like,
oh, I need a coffee.
I'm driving back late.
I need a coffee.
Cup of coffee.
Cup of coffee.
But isn't it the effect of the coffee that you like?
Oh, coffee.
Why are you just saying coffee?
Because that's this week's food.
No, mate.
Coffee. What? It's too early for this. I love your coffee. What if you just saying coffee? Because that's this week's food. No, mate. Coffee.
What?
It's too early for this.
I love your coffee.
What if we have new listeners?
Drink some coffee for a bit.
This is, sorry, Ray does a section called Ray's Food or Drink that you've not had in a while
and Ray says the food.
Coffee.
And that makes you want it or drink.
Yeah, or drink.
And it's coffee.
It's coffee this week.
Right, okay.
Go on then.
That's it, coffee.
Just have a nice cup of coffee.
Right.
I'm not allowed it, so that's all.
This is the worst comeback in the history of the world,
apart from Spandau Ballet or Steps.
It's not a comeback, this.
We're not coming back.
Are we not?
No, we're not.
Well, is that the plan?
Oh, no, I just thought,
it's still not counting as a little comeback.
What, just doing one?
Someone would come back and do a big one-off gig.
I don't know.
Would it be a comeback gig or a reunion?
But is it even a reunion?
Because I see you pretty much every day.
Actually, and that's the other thing.
People go oh the
end of the podcast
the end of the
podcast.
We are still doing
stuff together.
Yeah some people
kill themselves.
But guys come on
we're still doing
stuff together right
but this might be
something that you
have to leave your
house for.
Yeah.
It might be
something.
You might have to
put some pants on
for our other stuff.
And you've been
really nice and
supportive of the podcast
and that's great
but come on guys
pop some trousers on.
Pop some trousers on
and come out of your bed sit.
I think as a fan base
you've got a very
lackadaisical
attitude to trousers.
Yeah.
As a fan base
you've got fatter
and fatter.
You've literally
just sat there going
And just because
you're fans of us
you don't need to sit there
and get fatter.
Don't emulate it at all.
Laugh at it if anything.
Just because we don't sell t-shirts
don't go well I want some merchandise or I'll just have to
grow it on my own body imagine if we did
sell t-shirts at a gig it'd just be
fucking loads of lads going I'm not gonna get in that
because that's what
I do at gigs I go how big's that
extra large and they go well it's not
won't get me arming that
it's mainly really to promote King's Place
so King's Place is this Thursday
and then we've got
Theatre Stute
what day is that
on Saturday
on Saturday
we think
yeah
we've got
we see we've got
to do a thing on Sunday
and we're worried about it
so we're going to check
the ticket sales
yeah
they're the last two
this year
they are yeah
we did have
Hertfordshire University
but
well we never really did
well we thought we did
we were told that we had it
and we put it in our diaries
and stuff
and yeah sure
other gigs rang and said
can you do this
and we said no we can't
we're going to Hertfordshire
we can't wait
we're at Hertfordshire University
unfortunately
and then you know
a couple of emails
dripped through saying
oh they're a bit worried
that you're not going to fit in their hall
they're a bit worried
that you won't be able to perform
the show in a bin
out the back of the venue
yeah they don't know
if it'll fit in there
whether your screen will fit
in the little rabbit cage
they're going to put you in
so we thought yeah okay we'll try and sort it out and then you know you know if it'll fit in there. Whether your screen will fit in the little rabbit cage.
So we thought, yeah, okay, we'll try and sort it out.
And then, you know, you know how it is.
Like three months went by and nothing was sorted.
And then, you know, I went, I'm going to ring him up.
I'm just going to ring him up, rang the bloke at the venue.
And, you know, and then a few weeks go by, he's not rung you back.
And then eventually you just go, do you know what?
I can't live my life like this this is ridiculous
so it's gone
to where
we're not doing it
it's gone
bye bye
I saw someone on Twitter
saying they were
looking forward to it
so whoever you were
I'm really sorry
it's not our fault
it never is really
is it
so yeah there we go
so this Thursday
King's Place
yeah that's the
important one guys
the last ever podcast
come on guys
come on guys try us on try us on girls tops off Here we go, so this Thursday, King's Place. Yeah, that's the important one, guys. The last ever podcast. Come on, guys.
Come on. Come on, guys.
Try this on.
Come on, try this on.
Girls, tops off.
So it's basically, who don't know,
Ed does Scowl on the Internet for Amazing Firsts and Deaths.
They're mostly bollocks.
Or true.
No, I mean, it's not that they're true.
It's absolute shit.
You can find bollocks on the internet
about anything.
Oh, can you?
Find bollocks on the internet, you dirty pervert.
Where do you find them?
Bollocks.com?
Crack on.
I want to know if bollocks.com is a real thing.
We've got Wi-Fi.
Oh, we've got Wi-Fi now? Are we connected now? I am connected. What I would say about it, Rwy'n hoffi wybod a yw bollocks.com yn beth gwirioneddol. Mae gennym wifi. Ydym ni wedi cael wifi nawr?
Ydym ni wedi cysylltu nawr?
Rwy'n cael cysylltu.
Yr hyn yr ydw i'n ei ddweud amdano yw...
Rwy'n gallu gwneud hynny ar y sgrin mawr os ydych chi eisiau.
Nid, chi'n gallu, oherwydd rydych chi'n rhedeg cyfnod.
Ie, ond gallaf ddod allan o gyfnod.
Yn ystod hynny, rwy'n mynd i sgwrsio ar bollocks.com.
A ydym ni'n rhaid i mi roi www arnau neu ddim?
Dwi ddim yn gwybod, fath.
Dwi ddim wedi bod ar bollocks.com.
B-o-l-l-o-c-k-s-dot-com. A ydych chi'n rhaid i mi roi www neu ddim? Dwi ddim yn gwybod, fi ddim wedi bod ar bollocks.com B O L L O C S dot com
Efallai bod yna'r pwysau, felly byddwn ni'n gwybod.
Bollocks.com, ffyniadau a chyngor, mae'r wefan hon ar gael.
A ydym ni'n cael ei ddewis nawr? Cyn i bawb ffeindio ac y byddwn ni'n cael bollocks.com
Sut y gall bollocks.com fod ar gael?
Does dim un oed wedi cael bollocks.com fod ar gael? Does dim un oed wedi cael bollocks.com?
Wel, roedd yn deithio at ddyn oedol,
B. Ollocks.
Ac fe wnaeth hi ddod yn ffwrdd iawn a doedd yn gadael i unrhyw un ar ei ffwrdd.
Felly, bollocks.com yw ar gael.
Dylem bai bollocks.com,
Ie.
Ie.
Oherwydd yna, gall rhywun ffymus ei enwi fel Ian Bollocks.
Ie.
Ie.
Ac yna maen nhw'n cael ffymus ar X Factor. Ac yna rydym ni'n...
Mae rhywun yn mynd ar X Factor.
Rydym ni'n gadael eu bateriaeth.
Os mae rhywun yn dweud, o, mi fydda i'n mynd ar X Factor,
y peth cyntaf rydych chi'n ei wneud yw newid eich enw o Ian Bollocks.
Oherwydd dydych chi ddim am ddewis...
Dwi ddim yn ymwneud รข'r enw, dwi'n wirioneddol yn seriol.
Rhaid i ni bwyta bollocks.com.
Rydych chi'n wirioneddol, ydych chi?
Rydym yn gwybod pobl hanfod. Nid yid yw'n ei alw i'n Ian Bollocks. Ond gallem gael pobl rydyn ni'n eu gwybod i wneud Bollocks i mewn peth.
Rydych chi'n gwybod Greg Davies.
Iawn.
Felly mae gen i ddweud wrth fynd i'r afael,
O, Greg, gwneud Bollocks i mewn peth.
Rwy'n gwybod Adrian Childs.
Byddaf yn dweud Adrian Childs i ddechrau mynd,
O, o, ei ffynhwynau allai fod, oh, dyna bollogs.com.
Ie, ie, ie.
Rydw i'n gofyn, confiws.com. Rydw i'n gofyn, rydw i'n gofyn, confiws.com.
Felly rydych chi eisiau Adrian Jackson yn y swniad y nos a dweud,
gwelwch yn y swniad y nos, bollogs.com.
Dwi'n gwybod, dwi'n cofio pan mae rhywun yn dweud rhywbeth. Mae hynny'n ffres cyffredinol iawn. Os mae rhywun yn dweud rhywbeth i chi, iawn, ac rydych chi'n dweud, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn, iawn rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, rwy'n dweud, r bollocks.com. And then what do we do with it? So what we've got now is we've got a website that is a phrase.
So what are people going to do then?
Oh, that's a good phrase. I'll give money to the people
who own a website that sounds like it.
Put a big picture of bollocks on it.
Right. So your idea is you want
teenage girls to go and look at a picture of bollocks.
Our bollocks!
Our bollocks! We are tricking
Listen, we are tricking Russell Howard's fans into looking at our bollocks! Our bollocks! We are tricking, listen, we are tricking Russell Howard's fans into looking at our bollocks.
Now that is a good story.
Right, now, we're doing Theatre Stewart near Wrexham.
S-T-A-W-T.
Yeah, something like that. On the Saturday the 10th of December, right? At the moment.
To a show, emergency broadcast, at the moment, right?
At the moment. The last one may be Kings Place.
So, you know, doing a little bit of publicity for these
shows, bit of press. We've been doing some nice interviews,
haven't we, with local papers and the like.
So we get a call. And it also, by the
way, takes up a lot of our time, by the way, the publicity.
Yeah. And we do it free of charge.
We pay for it. Yeah. Because we pay
a PR company. Yeah, but, you know, it works well for both sides. Yeah, it does. It does, apart from when you do a free of charge we pay for it yeah because we pay a PR company yeah but you know
it works well for both
for both sides
yeah it does
it does apart from
when you do a lot of PR
for like say someone like Leeds
yeah
when you do like lots of PR
for that
yeah
or when you do PR for
what was the other one
that we had to pull in Yorkshire
oh
let us down
yeah
oh
oh
yeah no so we're not
we're not doing Yorkshire
on the next tour
no we're not
we've decided to boycott Yorkshire
we're boycotting Yorkshire
so put that in your pipe and smoke it,
even though none of you will care,
because you don't know we exist.
No, it's really...
I feel really let down by Yorkshire,
because we were...
We've sold really well everywhere,
apart from Yorkshire.
But boycotting it,
nobody seems to want to come anyway.
That is like holding back, saying,
right, I tell you what, people in Scotland,
we are not going to sell you a jelly plane.
What do you mean?
I didn't know there was a jelly plane.
Well, you'll never get one now.
Too late, you'll never get one.
Because there was one there.
There was one there available.
There was, but you never heard about it.
Yeah, it's like the old saying, isn't it?
Always look out for a jelly plane
because one day you might want one
and they won't sell it to you then.
And that is what's
happening with us in
Yorkshire.
I mean I'm getting
the hint from
Yorkshire.
Oh yeah.
Very very strongly.
Right.
I got hit in
Yorkshire the other
day.
You did you got
slapped didn't you?
In Leeds.
Yeah.
Original Oak.
Yeah.
Which is a lovely
gig.
Went on there.
It's nicer than the
fake oak.
And what you do is
you do the library
bar down the road.
Yeah.
You do that first
then you go and do
the original oak.
Very quiet gig.
I'd say what you make. Yeah. And then you go and do the original oak very quiet gig um shh I'd say what you're making
yeah
and then you go and do the original oak
all the other way around
you know
so you do two gigs
on one road in one night
so I got there
and they said
oh there's been a girl
mouthing off all night
this girl
she's a lap dancer or something
right in the room
and she's told everyone that
and she's been really loud
and she's been really obnoxious
and what have you
I went okay
well I'm gonna just leave her alone
so I went on
did 20
which was absolutely lovely yeah like really really nice how long were you supposed to be doing I was doing 25 obnoxious and what have you. I went, okay, well, I'm going to just leave her alone. So I went on, did 20,
which was absolutely lovely.
Like, really, really nice. How long were you
supposed to be doing?
I was doing 25.
Okay, so yeah.
You were well on your way
to just leaving.
Oh, I'd brought back a bit.
I'd got the clothes
already in my head.
And then she,
so she'd been talking
throughout it.
There was one bit
where I went,
I'm from St Helens,
and she went,
I'm from Warrington.
And I was born in Warrington,
really.
I went, am I right?
I went, oh, you and
Kerry Katona,
it's brilliant, isn't it? Then she went out on the phone and then came born in Warrington really I went oh right I went oh you and Kerry Katona it's brilliant isn't it
then she went out on the phone
and then came back in
and went sorry
I had a very important phone call
right
and I was like
I can't give a fuck
and then I went
what was it
was it your boss at work
saying you've got to
stop fucking the clients
right
but she really took against
she got very angry about it
sat down
started shouting again
saying you said
you said I fuck all the men in here
I went no I didn't
no I didn't I said you fuck your clients she went you're saying I'm a prostitute. I said, no, I never said you charged them. And on it went. I got so angry with her. She went, if you must know, that phone call was that my sister has just gone into labour. I went, what's that got to do with fucking anything. Yeah, and what, are you still doing it? Yeah, and I said that and she went, well, how was I supposed to know?
And I went,
well, was the bump
not a fucking giveaway?
She said she couldn't predict it.
I was like,
you fucking idiot.
And then she started going,
and I'm not a stripper,
I'm a dancer.
And I went,
oh, you're a lap dancer.
She went, I am.
And I went, right,
well, you're not a dancer.
She went, I am a dancer.
And I went, no,
dancing is a bit of what you do.
She went, I'm a dancer.
I went, no,
Wayne Sleep is a dancer.
He doesn't do it with his cock out, does he?
So anyway, it made the room really awkward.
It really, you know, it ruined the gig.
And I shouted out and said, you have ruined the gig.
You've ruined the gig because the gig has been you.
And that is why the gig has been ruined.
And nobody cares about you.
It's a sad fight you have to learn in life.
No one gives a shit.
No one cares about your sister's baby.
No one cares if you live or die.
No one gives a fuck either way. No one fucking
cares. And then I went, anyway, knock, knock.
And there was a big laugh and they went, who's there?
And I went, oh, it's fucking her again.
Thank you very much.
Good night. And went off. Yeah, it's funny.
Right? Then she gets up straight at me.
I'm like, she's going to rip me. Definitely going to rip me.
Straight around the side of the head. Right? I push
her away. Her boyfriend piles in as well.
Yeah.
Everyone just piles in.
So that's what you're up against.
But you're also up against...
I'm sorry, I got slightly distracted there.
You're also up against people interviewing you to help your career.
Now, this gentleman who interviewed us seemed like a lovely man.
He was chatting on the phone, wasn't he?
He told us some lovely anecdotes.
Usually when you do press, you're expected to give the anecdotes.
You're expected to tell the stories, but he had one
for everyone we did.
He said, where were you born? I said, Warrington.
Oh, I used to be a copper in Warrington.
He arrested a complete slag
so he's now a lapdog.
A lapdog's a elite.
He had a brilliant anecdote.
Do you want to tell his anecdote now, or shall we?
His anecdote was that he said that when he left the police force,
he was a police diver, apparently.
Yeah.
None of this made sense.
He said to us earlier on, he said,
yeah, I worked on the Warrington bomb case.
The Warrington bomb was in the 90s.
It was a horrible thing that happened.
A bomb blew up in Bridge Street in Warrington.
But then he said, yeah, because I was a police diver.
And I thought, hang on, so go back.
So you worked on the Warrington bomb case, but you're a police diver? Do you know, hang on, so go back, so you worked on the Warrington bomb case but you're a police diver?
Do you know,
I've actually,
when he said that,
I've gone back
and I've looked at
news footage
of the aftermath
and you can actually
see one of the policemen
turns up wearing
flippers and a mask.
And they all
look at him like...
Yeah, the chief
is about to sort of
shake his head
and then looks at the camera.
Goes like that
and just looks at the camera
and the bloke just
sort of waddles off.
Just flops off.
Yeah.
And he said that after he
left the police force he worked at SeaWorld
in Rhyl
wasn't it? Was it SeaLife Centre or something?
Somewhere, yeah. Yeah, I think it was in Rhyl.
And apparently the Queen was going visiting it
and they decided they wanted someone to clean all the
shit out of the pool. This is what he said.
Out of the shark tank.
And he went in there to clean it out
and then the queen arrived.
I don't know if she arrived
early or what.
But he was still in the tank
apparently.
He was still in the tank.
And apparently he wanted
a wee for a while.
What did he say?
A combination of
hot coffee and cold water.
Yeah.
And he said he's the only person
to have ever done a wee
in front of the queen.
So that was one of his
anecdotes.
Which isn't true anyway,
because if you remember famously,
Rod Hull,
who had the emu puppet.
He did a Royal Variety one year,
didn't he?
And he'd had the emu puppet on all day.
Ergo,
he couldn't go to the lavatory in the daytime
because the last thing you want near your knob
or your flies is emu.
Emu's beak.
Yeah, because I tell you what,
he's known for grabbing all
the things just ask
aspel or snoop
doggy dog yeah
did the royal variety
and let's be honest
it was a triumph
but then afterwards
in the lineup in
the queue to meet
the queen it got
to him too much
yeah combination of
coffee and cold
water yeah and
doing the royal
variety all day
yeah without being
able to have a week
because you've got
an emu on your arm
and we all remember the photo don't we yeah done it right in the queen's eye the Royal Variety all day. Yeah. Without being able to have a wee because you've got an emu on your arm.
And we all remember the photo,
don't we?
Yeah.
That it right in the Queen's Eye.
A horrible,
a horrible thing that happened in show business.
And a blight
on the artist's benevolent fund.
And of course,
the man who was the diver,
you went off the phone,
didn't you?
But I stayed on the phone to him.
Yeah.
He did a wee in front of the Queen
and also,
he was the elephant who'd done a poo on to him. He did a wee in front of the Queen and also he was the elephant
who'd done a poo on Blue Peter.
He was funny.
He's a dirty devil.
Yeah, he's a dirty devil.
Anyway, he done us a brilliant interview.
He done us a brilliant interview.
In the main,
he sort of took seed words
from what we said
and then just ran with it
and went with some
stereotypical awful answers.
I actually think that
what he did was is he went away and went
oh my tape's not worked. Yeah. And then went
right, what would I say
if I was Peacock and Gamble?
I mean
I'm surprised he didn't suggest that we'd done a
wee in front of the Queen. Because he's obviously
panicked. Right, here we go. Comedy duo
Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble
are raring to go as they return to the stage
following a couple of weeks off touring
thanks to filming a TV pilot show.
But this is all fine because this is just his...
That's his view on it.
Yes, that's fine.
He spoke to us.
From what he gathered, we were raring to go.
Their arrival comes hot on the heels
of a Chortle Award 2011 nomination
for their Peacock and Gamble podcast
and a hit run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
Some minor niggles there, but we'll leave that.
No, it's not.
Just the S on his computer
doesn't work.
Ray, who hails from Warrington
says
quote marks
so this is a quote
that has to directly
have come from Ray's mouth.
Audiences coming to our show
should expect the unexpected.
Definitely never said that.
It certainly isn't
intellectual stuff.
Might have said that.
Just mad, childish, silly and way, way over the top.
But above all else, very funny.
At least we think it is.
I categorically did not say that.
I certainly didn't say it's mad.
Yeah.
I didn't say that.
And I did not say it's very funny.
At least we think it is.
Yeah.
Or at least not in the way.
This is tonally missing a massive thing, I think.
Yeah.
Which is basically sarcasm and self-deprecation.
That's our fault, man.
That's totally our fault.
That's completely our fault.
We need to learn to not say those things in interviews because they will be put across
wrongly.
Yeah.
Same as we need to learn to stop swearing when we do Radio 4 Extra.
Yeah.
Because there's a decent chance it'll get left in the edit.
Ed added, here I come.
It is.
What's he going to say? Here comes the gamble. It's a bit ramshackle and in the edit. Ed added, here I come. It is.
What's he going to say?
Here comes the gamble.
It's a bit ramshackle, and we do fly by the seat of our pants.
I'll say now, the seat of our pants, that's probably used in a press release,
but he's just put that in my mouth.
Says ramshackle.
Yeah, but so far the tour has been a great hit, and we are really enjoying it.
Okay, you might have said that.
I don't think I would have said it's a great hit.
No, I've told you, mate.
The S on his computer's not working.
Now, the following sentence,
I have never and never will say in my life.
What are you saying it now?
Yeah, apart from this.
You can't beat the rush you get from performing live.
I never would have said that.
You always say that when you come off stage.
I texted you when I saw that.
I would never say that because I don't believe that it's true.
Right, listener.
Having a lovely wank.
That beats the rough.
Ed Gamble, right,
when we do a Moji Broke,
Ed Gamble, every night, right,
comes off the stage, right,
and does his toothpaste, right,
and he comes off the stage
with his Joker make-up on.
He puts a towel around his neck
and goes,
ooh, you can't beat
the rush of performing.
He does it every night.
I don't know why he's saying
now that he doesn't.
I said this as well, apparently.
I haven't performed
in North Wales before. I'll tell you why I never would no, he doesn't. I said this as well, apparently. I haven't performed in North Wales before.
I'll tell you why I never would have said that.
A, I have.
B, I didn't know this gig was in North Wales.
And I'm really looking forward to it.
And the Stute, although I can't pronounce the name,
at least not properly,
sounds like a really great theatre.
Did you say sounds like a really great theatre?
Absolutely not.
No, you didn't, did you?
No, I didn't.
I didn't say Stute sounds like a really great theatre. Now not. No, you didn't, did you? No, I didn't. I didn't say it's stupid. Sounds like a really great theatre.
Now, this, we can't do him for this,
because he didn't say we said this.
Right.
This is his description.
This opens the next paragraph.
The madcap pair got together at Durham University
after Ray was booked to compare a show in which Ed was performing.
Ed said, right, now this is 100% bullshit.
That was it, really. We worked together,
did some writing together, and ended up at the Edinburgh Fringe. Yeah. We took part in
the festival's longest running group comedy show, The Comedy Zone. I remember that year
we did The Comedy Zone together. Yeah, ten years apart. Yeah. And had a pretty good reaction.
So even in the lie, he's toned it down. Yeah, yeah, we had a pretty good reaction. So even in the lie,
he's toned it down.
Yeah, yeah.
We had a pretty good reaction.
We did alright at the comedy. Yeah, what we'd done,
we got together.
You did it in what,
2002?
One of the,
I did it in 2002.
2002.
I did it in 2009.
We got together,
we compared our separate reactions.
Together,
that added up to pretty good.
Yeah.
And now we're saying
we did it together.
I'll be honest,
mine was brilliant
and Ed's was rubbish
so he just brought down
the average.
We then began our podcast,
which is released every Monday for free on iTunes
and Chortle.co.uk. Ray has since
worked as a warm-up man for Russell Howard, Miranda
Hart, Graham Norton and Lee Mack, plus
appeared on his shows while Ray
has written for Mock the Week and asked for a Gilbert.
Nice one, mate. I've done a lot, mate.
I know I do it all, mate.
I'm the best writer. Yeah, that was me. Were you not relieved when you
saw that? Why? Well, that people don't know that it was you that wrote the Mott of the Week.
I'd let the old funk fuck without.
Race took a bullet for me.
So, King's Place, Thursday.
Thursday, the 8th of December.
8th of December,
mostly broadcast.
Yeah.
Last time at King's Place.
That's the first half.
The end of the show and the final ever podcast recorded
live at King's Place.
In the second half.
In the second half.
Very exclusive night.
More exclusivity.
Yeah.
By the way,
if you get tickets
to go to King's Place,
come and see Peacock & Gamble Overkill.
You can get them on 027 520 1490. That's the phone number if you're a phone kind of guy. If you're a
phone kind of guy or gal, that's where you get your tickets from. There's also, if you
saw us on Russell Howell's Good News, you would have seen Naughty Keith, who was my
brilliant little ventriloquist puppet, what I do. Now, Naughty Keith is also an emergency
broadcast. We made two of those. There have only been two of them. And we made two
because the first time
we did Naughty Keith
we did some little tricks with him
where he was thrown off a stage
on one side
and came on the other side.
So we actually had two of them.
And we've decided
to give you the opportunity
if you come to King's Place
on Thursday
to win the other Naughty Keith.
To win Naughty Keith
Mark 2.
Well, and it's Mark 1.
They were both made at the same time.
In fact, factually,
the one that we don't use now,
the other one that's spare
was the first one
that was the first one
I made
yeah it's a slightly
bigger
yeah it's got a
slightly bigger head
so you can win that
it's going to be done
very very fairly
it's going to be done
in a sort of
raffle style
yeah so you get a
raffle ticket when you
arrive
but one person at
King's Place
on Thursday
will win their own
Naughty Keith
yeah
but you've got to be
in it to win it
yeah
so get yourself down
there
0207 520 1490
come here
fist it
spent a lovely day
with Bobby Ball
the other week again
no you didn't
off Cannon and Ball
rock on Tommy
no you didn't you had your dream you read Off Cannon and Ball, rock on Tommy. No, you didn't.
You had your dream.
No, I didn't.
You read your Cannon and Ball annual
and then you fell asleep
with your Cannon and Ball annual
on your chest like that
and you dreamed that you and Bobby
were skipping through the forest
after having a picnic.
He was in Not Going Out Again.
I was telling him about the double acts,
about me and you being on Good News and stuff
and he went,
good, good, I'm glad.
Because I was saying the other day,
there aren't any double acts on telly anymore.
So good.
And I went, oh, well, you know,
there's no reason you shouldn't be.
He went, no, I'm not bothered.
I'm on to acting now, mate.
But he was amazing.
He's very inspirational.
Yeah.
You know, he really does sort of make you
re-fall in love with what you do for a living.
Because he's very excited about it.
And yeah, he's very supportive about all that sort of thing.
But he said, Panto, this year,
we're doing something different, me and Tommy. I went, oh yeah that he went well we're in lincoln in panto and lincoln you should come you should come definitely come to it give us a
knock after go for a pint and he went um now tommy's been at me for ages to do this and i keep
saying i don't want to do it tommy i don't want to do it tommy because and tommy's going it'd be
funny i'd be funny i'm right i don't want to do it tomm because and tom's going to be funny i'll be funny all right i don't want to do it tell me but this year because tom is nearly dead i've decided to do it
no he said because he's dead soon i've decided to do it and the play of the ugly sisters oh cool
in cinderella and then he was going but we then we thought what we do about this and he pointed
his moustache yeah can't have that can you not if you're a woman so what we're doing we're being
brokers men we're brokers men and we're broke And then we decide to go and pretend to be the daughters of this baron.
Right.
And that's why I've got a moustache.
Clever that, isn't it?
But if they're the ugly sisters, they can be ugly and have a moustache, don't they?
But you didn't mention that.
No, it was lovely that he made it logical.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That they wanted to do that.
Yeah.
And then he said to me, have you done Ponto?
And I went, I've not, man.
It's not something that I really, you know, I don't have any problem with anyone doing it.
Yeah.
And I like it as a thing. Yeah, yeah. But the same as I've never been in a boy band. It's just not for man. It's not something that I really, you know, I don't have any problem with anyone doing it. And I like it as a thing.
But the same as I've never been in a boy band.
It's just not for me.
And I went, I've not, Bobby, not yet, no.
I said, not yet.
Because I know that sometimes your career can go tits up
and you can say you don't want to do panto,
but you end up doing panto every year.
So I said, I've not, no.
And he just put his arm around me, pulled me really close
and went, get it done.
Like it was a proper rite of passage. I could watch him'm not, no. And he just put his arm around me, pulled me really close and went, get it done. Like it was a proper rite of passage.
I could watch him all day, happily.
I really, but I took my Cannonball annual with me.
Because I thought what we'd do during the show was that I would read bits of the annual.
And Bobby was going, I didn't write that.
Don't be saying they're my jokes.
I didn't write that.
But there was a bit of it which was Q&A of
Cannonball and I
thought I'm going
to ask Bobby all
these questions
again.
See if he gets
the right answers.
And we went
through it.
I went Bob
favourite music
and he went
oh Marvin Gaye
and I went
no Rod
Stewart.
And he got
them all wrong
bar one.
When I went
favourite food
and he went
egg and chips and I went yep food and he went egg and chips
and I went
yep
egg and chips
he didn't even leave a beat
egg and chips
like he was thinking
about egg and chips then
before you even asked
the question
like he couldn't wait
he was lovely
get home to have some
egg and chips
and watch Appropriate Adult
yeah
that's what he said
on his twitter
yeah his twitter's brilliant
on his twitter one day
he said
I'm watching Appropriate Adult
which was the biography of Fred West,
the dramatisation of what happened with Fred West.
And he put on Twitter,
got the feet up, glass of wine,
watching Appropriate Adult,
life doesn't get better.
It was wonderful.
Yeah, his Twitter's fantastic.
You should follow him.
It's TheBobbyBall, I think it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, on Twitter.
But I warn you now,
he retweets like a bastard.
He really does.
And if you ever have a go at him for retweeting,
he says things like,
it's new to me, this, I don't really know what I'm doing.
But he does by now.
And then you feel awful about it.
On the subject of panto,
I've seen a lot of panto posters around, obviously.
We're in panto season.
We are, yes.
Why do they all have 3D representations of characters now?
So they'll have the normal celebrities,
you know, playing Cinderella or playing the genie or whatever.
Yeah.
And then in the bottom, it'll say...
Idle Jack.
Also featuring...
Like, the one in Wimbledon is also featuring
Terry the Turtle in 3D.
Oh, really? OK.
And, yeah, all of them seem to have
some sort of use of technology
of a projection of a character that counts as a character.
Well, they also, they went through a period, and they still do it,
they have things like, I'm Mr Bean.
Yeah.
And it'd be somebody in a, like Mr Bean, the animated series.
Yeah, yeah, and it'd be an animated version of it.
Spider-Man was another one that was franchised out,
and a special appearance in Spider-Man.
Yeah, but it just doesn't fit, does it?
I know Pantos aren't, you don't go to Pantos for
realism, necessarily,
or you don't go,
I really like the
wire, I'll pop over
and see the wire
of the Pantos.
Yeah.
But you do expect
the first fucking
Spider-Man to not
turn up in Jack
and the Beanstalk.
I don't know, you
know, I think the
only thing I expect
from a Pantoman is
a Grease Medley.
As long as it's a
Grease Medley, I'm
upping me, really,
at the end of the
day with Panto.
Well, last time I
went to a Panto,
Henry Winkler was in it,
aka The Fonz.
I know about this story, yeah.
Yeah, they did not mention The Fonz.
In his contract.
Clearly in his contract,
he'd gone,
well, I'll come do The Panto,
but you do not bring up The Fonz.
I will not at any point
come on and go,
eee.
Yeah.
Or anything like that,
which I believe The Fonz did go,
eee.
The only concession they had
is they had sort of slightly 50s rock and roll music
as his entrance.
Okay.
And I don't like to see that.
That put me off Henry Winkler a little bit,
because that's why he's doing Panto,
because of the Fonz.
Was it definitely a contract, though?
I saw Chris Akabusi in Southampton.
Yeah.
Oh, you couldn't stop him going on about record breakers.
He came on to record breakers,
he gave it an awooga,
he came on, he went,
rah, rah, rah,
alright, alright.
To the extent
it nearly ruined
the panto
was it definitely
in Henry Winkler's
contract though
because when you
say that story
you always say
it's in his contract
it must have been
so you're presuming
I'm presuming it was
because surely
if you've got
Henry Winkler in panto
you'd make at least
one reference
or one joke
about the phone
imagine if it wasn't
in his contract.
And he was there
all day.
Like literally,
and people are
going, who's that?
I think he's an
old actor from
something or other
beginning, but be
respectful to him.
And he's in the
corner, like, just
sort of, he's got a
frock on.
He's got like a
leather jacket just
hid behind his back,
just waiting to do
it.
Don't mention it in
a minute.
You alright there
Henry?
Enjoying yourself?
Yeah, nice.
He's great.
Great, really
enjoying myself. Happy days.
That's good, that's good.
Oh, I can't hear any music.
Shall I?
I might go and hit the jukebox in a minute.
Is there a jukebox on the stage?
Sorry, guys, I've just
had a bit of a memory loss thing.
Do you know what letter comes before B?
Because I'm...
Oh, that's it, that's it.
A.
Oh, what's that?
I think Henry's gone mental.
What's that?
I can hear something in my dressing room.
Oh, yeah, I think my phone's ringing.
I think my phone's ringing.
I'm going to go and get my phones.
Why does Henry keep calling his phone his phone?
Just spent the entire pantomime just sulking about it.
Just sat in a corner sulking,
and there's all runners walking around,
and people, like stage managers and that,
going, he's a bit up himself, isn't he,
for someone that just presented Go For Gold 20 years ago?
Hey, mate.
Something happened to me since we've been away.
One thing.
One thing's happened in four months.
Yeah, one thing's happened, mate.
Got flashed. You got flashed?
Yeah.
By a speed camera?
No.
By a man, right?
Oh, really?
Wow, okay.
At Vauxhall Station, there is an outdoor urinal.
Okay.
Which I think is supposed to make it more acceptable
to go for a wee outside.
Did you use it? To me, that is just going for a wee
outside and I did use it because often I get to
Vauxhall and I'm desperate for a wee.
Do you know what? Ever since you had your
knob done, you get
it out at every opportunity.
If you can show it off in public, you're more
than happy to get your knob out.
Open a wall
that's an outdoor urinal
look at this
look at the nice job they did
it's a
look at that
it looks like a bullet now
doesn't it
it looks like a bullet
it does a bit
look at that
it looks like a posh shampoo
no more bullet
but a really
really
really
like quite big
for a bullet
quite big for a bullet
yeah you can say it like Ed Gamble's knob right it's big for a bullet quite big for a bullet yeah
you can say it
like my Ed
Gamble's knob
right
it's big for a
bullet and small
for a knob
exactly
small for a
knob
big for a
bullet
yeah absolutely
get it on a
t-shirt
big for a
bullet
big for a
bullet
Gamble
mine's big
for a
bullet
the thing is
because I
have to get to
Vauxhall
I really need
a wee right
and it's 15
minutes train
journey and sometimes I have to wait for the train and there's no toilets on those trains so I have to get to Vauxhall, I really need a wee, right? Yeah. And it's 15 minutes train journey, and sometimes I have to wait for the train, and there's
no toilets on those trains.
No.
So I have to go for a wee.
So outdoor you're right, and you're the only place to go.
But your train journey is 15 minutes?
From Vauxhall to my house, yeah.
So you can't handle 15 minutes waiting for a wee?
No, because often I'll be on the tube for 20 minutes, 25 minutes, and I will have needed
a wee during that.
So I'd already be desperate.
This is happening at TV warm-ups a lot. Well, can I just say as well that diabetes often means that you need a wee during that so I'd already be desperate this is happening at TV warm ups a lot
well can I just
say as well
that diabetes
often means
that you need
the toilet more
desperately
alright well I'll
give you that
then alright
I'll allow that
but generally
speaking I've found
and I don't know
why you don't
just go to the
hospital with your
diabetes
I think it's now
got to a point now
it's time now
for you to go
and get medicine
for it
I went to the
hospital the other
day mate
what for you have diabetes I've got it I I went the hospital the other day and they said oh you've got a rash I think they said oh you've
got the rash that means you've got diabetes on the end of your on the end
of my penis on the end of my big for a bullet right yeah you're all big for
bullet diabetes right yeah and they said that will clear up in absolutely no time
and antibiotics in your give me a lolly. So well done.
Lovely, lovely.
But I have found I could start...
I could say I was in Leeds,
which hopefully I never will be again.
Set off on a journey, top of the M1,
and just go, do you know what?
I want a wee when I want to get home.
And I could do that drive.
Right, okay.
I could deal with it.
See, quite often I could,
but bear in mind that the time I was talking about,
and quite often when I have to use that urinal,
I have been drinking beer in London.
Absolutely fine.
Cut down on the beer.
I have now.
I have now because I got flashed.
So I went in this outdoor urinal, having a lovely wee out in the cold, right?
Nice.
Then it was just normal bullet, right, because of the cold.
Yeah, a little bullet.
Yeah.
Cut your little bullet out.
Got my 9mm out, right.
And there was a man come and stood next to me at the urinal.
I thought, hello.
There we go.
Now, the gentleman obviously got his woolly wadger out
because you can't just go in your trousers.
Otherwise, you might as well do it anywhere.
Yeah, don't bother.
Don't bother going to the urinal.
Just stand there, do it in your trousers.
He then, I don't think it was a proper flashing.
I think it was more having a laugh because his friend was waiting for him.
He then waved his penis in my direction,
flopped it about right.
Yeah.
And he went,
look,
I won't do the accent.
Do the accent.
Look at my Nigerian,
look at my Nigerian banana.
Look at my Nigerian banana,
big Nigerian banana
and started flopping it at me.
I nearly thought,
is this something I should join in with
and go,
oh,
look at my Wimbledon
chipolata.
Look at my little
Wimbledon bonnet.
Wow.
Yeah.
And was it,
was it a joke?
It wasn't a sex thing?
No,
it wasn't a sex thing
because his mate was laughing.
But maybe his mate was laughing.
But I tried not to look at it
because if you look,
if you look it in the eye,
then,
you go,
he might go,
what are you looking at my penis for? I don't think he would. I don't think he'd say, look at my big Nigerian banana he might go, what are you looking at my penis for?
I don't think he would.
I don't think he'd say, look at my big Nigerian banana and then say, why are you looking at
my big Nigerian banana?
But people try and trick you into fights.
I've had that before.
People come up and say, what are you looking at me for?
What are you looking at me for?
Yeah, I get that.
And I say, why would I want to be looking at you?
And they're like, what, what, what?
Yeah, I get that.
But then they hit me and I have to go home.
I've never known any fight start with someone walking up and saying, look at my penis, getting the penis out and then saying,
why are you looking at my penis?
I don't think that's ever happened, has it?
Or maybe, if I look down, he would be making a circle with his finger and thumb
and then I've looked through that and he's allowed to punch me.
And there's nothing there. His penis wasn't there.
Yeah, it wasn't even there.
Look at my Nigerian banana.
Or I might have looked down and he has got a banana imported from Nigeria.
It's a little tale as well,
speaking of not going out.
It's a little tale.
I want to get that looked at, mate.
Yeah, I had it looked at on Sunday.
Your little tail?
Yeah.
A gentleman at the hospital,
I'd look at it.
Oh, your pain?
Right.
Yeah.
I'd look at it.
He went,
do you mind if I examine your genitalia?
And I went,
you're definitely a doctor, aren't you?
Yeah.
Because you've not shown me a pass on often.
You don't have to show your pass.
I think you just assume
that if you're in a hospital
then they are a doctor.
And I'm not messing, right?
Yeah.
No excuses,
because I'm not massive anyway.
Yeah.
But no excuses.
It was freezing.
The weather was,
or your penis?
No, outside.
Just simply your penis.
My penis had been out in the weather.
Right.
And then came in
and it was,
oh, it was cold.
It was cold that night.
It was cold that night.
I could actually feel
he was struggling with it.
Getting it out.
It was just skin, was it?
I think he looked at the end of it
so he had to pull it back a bit
and I could just feel it was...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, anyway.
And not going out the other night
something happened in the show
where there was a discussion
on stage about gay porn
and Lee Mack
shouted from the
from the stage to me
he went
I was doing the warm up
yeah
and he went
have you ever seen any gay porn
on the internet Ray
and I went well actually Lee
I got slightly obsessed once
with a man called
Richard the Wanker
who um
it was a 58 year old man
at the time
who masturbates on the internet and films it.
I said, films his self-pleasure on the internet.
And he just stared at me and went, why?
Which is someone we used to talk about
in the old Ray Peacock podcast.
It was in the old Ray Peacock podcast.
Ed used to do it every week.
And he was like, why?
And I went, oh, he sort of presents it like a TV show.
And he goes, oh, come on, wank along with me.
And he was just really laughing.
And anyway, they started the next take of the scene.
They got about, I'd say, two minutes into the scene and Lee just went quiet and viv the floor manager said lee's line and he went
i know i know i can't get rich in a one car on the edge Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn.
Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'n dda iawn. Mae'ethau fel hyn. A'r ffordd rydyn ni'n cymryd ymddygiad รข phobl ac yn codi eu llythyr bach yw gan ysgrifennu'r llythyr gan ddyn yn teulu o
blant sydd รข chynnydd anodd iawn. Yn y bryd hynny, roedden ni'n cael ei ofyn gan
ychydig o ddysgwyr i fynd i mewn a'i trafod, ac roedden nhw'n ddysgu iadiddordeb iawn รข'r cwrs, felly dechreuom ni'n ei wneud.
Yn ystod hynny, y man a ddod i mewn i'r cyfarfod, wedi gadael y cyfranogwyr.
Yn y dychmygu, yn debyg, yn ystod y cyfarfod.
Yn llythyr, rydyn ni'n rhedeg ac yn dweud,
ยซDw i ddim yn gweithio yno o'r fwyaf.
Doedd hi ddim yn gwneud hynny yn debyg.
Yn ystod y cyfarfod, rydyn ni'n golygu,
bod yn ein cyfranogwyr yn ein gilydd i ddweud adew, ac wedi llwyddo'r drws.
Dyma ni, llythyr o ddynion'n golygu bod yn ein cysylltu รข ni i ddweud adeg ac maen nhw wedi llwyddo'r drws.
Dyma ni. Llyfr cyllid gan ddwy fwyrn a chymdeithas.
Dduw! Dwyf Michael Jackson!
Mae hynny'n topigol. Wel, mae rhywun yn anodd, ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r hyn ydy'r You may not remember me, but I am a woman from a family. My family consists of me, my husband,
who is a roadie for a Kiss tribute band from Buckinghamshire called Smooch,
and my son Fraser, who by now is basically a watermelon head
teetering precariously on top of a pile of sausage meat.
With Gallagher still behind him.
I would never say that he was ugly,
but we once put him in the field and the scarecrow ran off screaming. if Gallagher stood behind him. I would never say that he was ugly,
but we once put him in the field and the scarecrow ran off screaming.
Anyway, enough about...
Can I just stop you?
Because you just pronounced ugly like Duffley and Celeste.
You went ugly.
He don't got no alibi.
Anyway, enough about that shovel of guts.
I've got a bone to pit with you. I don't actually have a bone, Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol.
Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Mae'n ddiddorol. Hey, come on mate, why did you kill Michael Jackson?
Are you more of a Prince guy or something?
Haha, just a joke there
I know you are probably in a bit of a tizzy right now over this whole MJ snafu
But everyone has got time for some brilliant humour
In fact, here is another joke to cheer you up
Doctor, doctor, I can't sleep Well, have all these drugs until you die then Gwylio'n hyfryd. Yn y ffaith, mae yma ddyn arall i'ch cymryd. Dr. Dr. Dwi ddim yn gallu gofio.
Wel, cael yr holl ddynion hynny hyd at i chi fyw ymlaen.
Nid yw'n y peth mwyaf yn y byd, ond pan es i'r llyfr,
meddwl bod hi'n debyg iawn i chi.
Ond yn wirioneddol, meddwl sut ambell ffans Jacko ydynt ar gael yno ac maen nhw i gyd yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn eithaf yn I joke, but this is part of my complaint as well. Fraser was a massive fan of Michael Jackson.
It was so positive for him to see another one doing so well.
And he loves all his music.
He loves it so much that he even dances to it.
When I say dance, I mean that the mound of meat under his head
would vibrate to the rhythms like the pink muck in Ghostbusters 2. You put on Billie Jean, it's like watching a fat woman
holding a jelly on a coach going over cobbles. In that it is hugely erotic. Back in the day,
Fraser was so upset by the allegations that Michael was being handsy with young boys, mainly because he wasn't one of them.
He used to lie in his bed every night with his windows open, playing black or white, with little pants on, to try and tempt Michael Jackson in.
And every time we drove past a fair, he used Landon, gosod ei ddyn allan.
Felly gallwch chi ddychmygu beth roedd yn ein tลท pan oedd Michael Jackson wedi marw.
Roedd fy mab yn cyrraedd o'i swydd yn cwpio r๏ฟฝ bwydo a phwydo i rai mwy byrach, a chyflawni'r adnoddau. Roedd Fraser yn cael ysgol, felly roeddem wedi'i dynnu ar y lline i'w gyrru.
Roedd y ddysgwyr adnodd, roedd yn y cwbl Cymraeg, Christian Gurrw Merthie, yn dweud
bod Michael Jackson wedi marw. Roeddwn i'n ddysgrifnus. Roedd fy nghydweithiwr a fi yn ei hoffi
hefyd. Roedd yn rhoi'r cymhwennu i ni, yn enwedig pan roeddem ni'n ddynnu Fraser o fwydo.
Roeddem yn ei wneud oherwydd roedd yn ddynion halloween ac roeddem yn hoffi bod yn y tลท gwaith gorau.
Roeddwn i'n edrych ar gyfer Fraser ond doedd hi ddim ar y llinell unwaith mwy.
Roedd e'n rhaid i mi glywed beth oedd wedi digwydd ac fe wnaeth ei ddynnu. Roeddwn i'n gweld llwyddiant gyda'i llwyddiant
wrth i mi a'i ddynnu iithered past me and up the stairs to his room.
I ran after him but slipped on his trail.
Which slowed me up somewhat.
By the time I got there, it was too late.
Fraser had eaten all of his Michael Jackson CDs.
Apparently, he thought this would make him more like the King of Pop
so he could carry on his legacy. But, fel y gallwch chi'n dychmygu, nid oedd ei llyfn yn cytuno.
Oherwydd bod wedi'i chwylio'n ymlaen i lawr, roedd y cdau wedi'u rhannu i'r sardiau a'r hyn sydd
ar hyn o bryd yn llwyddo ar gyfer Fraser, yn y cyfnod oedd yn ymddygiad.
Roedd yn edrych fel heddog dyfodol. Rydym yn ymdrech i roi'r cdau i'r ysbyty, ond roedd y
cdau yn rhoi cymaint o ddyniaeth ar y llyfn, ac yn y diwedd, roeddem wedio roi'r cyfan i'r ysbyt, ond roedd y sbwyciau CD yn rhoi
llawer o trapsiwn ar y llyfr,
ac yn y diwedd, rydyn ni wedi penderfynu i ddibyn ac i fynd i wneud dim o gwmpas.
Felly, mae Fraser yn dal i fod yn
gwagor o'r bwrc.
Diolch i chi am nad ydych yn darllen y sรดl
o'r galpol yn dda.
Mae fy mab a fi'n cymryd rhan
o'r ffaith ein bod ni'n gallu ddod รข Fraser ar ein llawr ac mae'n cymryd yn ei fath fel stwff o ninja.
Ond mae'n dal i fod yn rhywfaint anffur, rwy'n credu.
Mae'n bodoli yn brofiad trawmatig ac mae'r ymddygiad o'r llwyr yn wirioneddol ddwyol ac yn real.
Ac gyda hynny, byddwn ni'n gwneud i chi ddewis am pryso'r 7 clywedau Michael Jackson.
Eich boobly, Mrs Fraser.
Y boobly'n hyfryd. Boobly's nice. I love it.
Thank you.
So there you go, you stupid fucking pricks.
That was a little podcast there for you.
Now you're happy now.
And now you'll all be going,
oh, I didn't even enjoy it.
Mate. Oh, it's because we've not done one for months. That's why it was shit. Mate. Because it was shit. Mate! Mate! Now you'll all be going, oh, I didn't even enjoy it. Mate!
Oh, it's because we've not
done one for months.
That's why it was shit.
Mate!
Because it was shit.
Mate!
What?
Why are you getting
so upset with them?
Well, it's them.
No, it's not.
They're lovely.
No, they're not.
They are.
They're really nice.
They're very supportive.
Should be.
Our lot should all be
fighting all them ones
who were slagging us off.
No, they shouldn't.
They should all be going
on Twitter proper
picking fights with people.
Well, they should be doing that.
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, pick a proper fight with them. I do agree with that. Yeah. They shouldn't all be going on Twitter proper picking fights Well they should be doing that yeah definitely. Yeah pick a proper
fight.
I do agree with that.
Yeah like there was
one girl on Twitter
right who said oh
Peacock and Gamble's
a bit too panto for
me.
Dire.
Something like that.
Right.
And I clicked on her
profile right and
she had YouTube films.
Her first YouTube film
was Do I Look Like
Lady Gaga.
It was her with a
fucking Diet Coke in
her hair miming to
a Lady Gaga song.
Did she say a word to Panto?
You fucking idiot.
See, this is what happens.
If someone slags us off,
we will find out background information on you.
We absolutely do do this.
I went on, by the way,
all those dislikes on your videos,
love, or whatever your name is,
that was me, that.
I went through all your videos
and disliked all of them.
You can say what you like about us,
or you fucking hate us,
but never try and say we're not petty. Yeah, no,
God, I say, you can slag it off all you
want, right, but please don't think that we will
not hunt you down. Please don't think that we will
not, at the expense of our own career,
spend all our time finding
stuff out about you and really
manipulating it. If you take the piss out of us
or say we were shit, I can find out your
address within three hours.
And in five hours, I could be outside your house.
I will be outside your house, sitting in the car, wanking.
And you won't be able to do anything about it.
Putting it on your letters when the postman arrives.
And crying.
Speaking of postman, my postman, I caught him yesterday.
You caught him?
I caught my postman yesterday because I have a little mailbox downstairs.
And he was putting a red card in the mailbox saying
we're trying to deliver a parcel and I went
oh I'm in mate, I'm in mate and he just stared
at me and I went what is it?
What have you? And he went
I haven't brought it.
That's outrageous.
That's bad.
Well that's the end of the podcast because me and Ed have got to go do some stuff on the internet now.
Yeah we've got to do little bits of research.
Yeah we've got to hunt you all down.
Thank you.
So, King's Place, Thursday 8th of December.
Yeah, that'd be nice. 8pm.
Please come back. That'd be a nice end of the year thing for us.
It'll be good fun.
We've been through a lot, haven't we, this year, all of us together.
Let's all get together at the end of the year and reassess it.
And we'll have a nice drink after, shall we?
I'll have a drink afterwards. We'll sign all your busters and we'll get all your
presents off you. Thank you very much.
In advance, we'll give away a naughty key to one lucky winner. Yeah, it? A lovely drink afterwards. We'll sign all your busters and we'll get all your presents off you. Thank you very much. In advance,
we'll give away a naughty key
to one lucky winner.
Yeah, it'll be lovely, mate.
Yeah, it'll be lovely.
So please do come down on the 8th.
Keep checking peacockandgamble.com.
Peacockandgamble.com.
Our website.
There's a forum on there.
Now, the forum might be going soon
because it's not really being used.
But there's a mailing list,
which is the important thing.
The mailing list.
Please do add yourself on the mailing list.
Sign up for the mailing list.
Yeah, the first one went out last Saturday
or last Friday.
Yeah.
But there'll be another one,
there'll be one a month, basically.
If you want to carry on using the forum,
they have to carry on using it now
because we're making a decision
on that this week.
And if it's not being used,
we're going to get rid of it
because it just looks a bit weird,
just like four people
occasionally chatting about
what computer game they're playing.
All right, so there we go.
Thank you very much indeed.
We'll see you Thursday.
See you on Thursday.
I love you.
Oh, what?
Oh God, I didn't say that, did I?
Shit.
Shit. The Cook and Gamble podcast
was devised and performed
by Ray Peacock
and Ed Gamble
all music by
the Tiger Lilies
except for the last one
which is performed
by Frank Seidlerson
the Peacock and Gamble podcast
is a ready production
hosted by
chortle.co.uk
see you next week The Peacock and Campbell podcast is a ready production hosted by Chortle.co.uk.
See you next week.
Right, here we go for a very good section.
I've done music with it as well.
Right, brilliant. Get ready for this.
It is...
Read it all.
Here we go.
Right.
I'll read all that.
Mmm, food!
Mmm, food! Wait, hang on.
Or drink! Or drink! That's it.
And, uh, so you go...
Right, very good, very good. Let's go.
There's a name on this section.
Food!
We're anxious to try it!
It's the same bit of the song over and over again.
Glorious food!
Oh.
What?
It's Oliver.
Yeah, I know it's Oliver! Mmm! Food! That're anxious to try it! Food! This is a really good editing!
It's a really good editing!
Food!
Wonderful food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Food!
Food!
Racers are food!
Food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food!
Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are food! Racers are, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food,
food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, quickly, what's it there? Food! What the fuck? Mega mix.
Mega mix?
Yeah.
Same bit over and over again.
Oh.
Here comes Mr. Pumble.
Why?
This has no connection to food. Wait, listen.
Catchphrases, catchphrases.
Why?
Listen.
Wait.
That should be the music if you walk.
This has got nothing to do with food. Dyd, dyd, dyd, dyd. Gwnaeth hyn ddim gael beth รข phwyd. Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd, dyd.
Dyd, dyd. Dyd, dyd. Dyd,dod i'r ospil. Ie, dwi'n meddwl y byddai'n cael ei ddod i'r ospil. Roedd hynny'n jingle hyfryd, ond...
Dwi ddim yn gwybod beth oedd yn jingle.
Gynnydd mentol.
Mae'n jingle o gyfranogiad mentol.
Yn anffodus, bai'r jingle oedd am lai, ac ni allwn ni ei wneud.