The Personal Finance Podcast - The 5 Step Master Plan to Talk to Your Spouse or Partner About Money

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

In this episode of the Personal Finance Podcast, we're gonna give you the five step master plan to talk to your partner about money. How Andrew Can Help You:  Join The Master Money Newsletter where you will become smarter with your money in 5 minutes or less per week Here! Learn to invest by joining  Index Fund Pro! This is Andrew’s course teaching you how to invest!  Watch The Master Money Youtube Channel!  Ask Andrew a question on Instagram or TikTok.  Learn how to get out of Debt by joining our Free Course  Leave Feedback or Episode Requests here.  Thanks to Our Amazing Sponsors for supporting The Personal Finance Podcast. Chime: Start your credit journey with Chime. Sign-up takes only two minutes and doesn’t affect your credit score. Get started at chime.com/ Thanks to Ka’Chava For Sponsoring the show! Go to kachava.com/pfp and get 10% off on your first order.  Shopify: Shopify makes it so easy to sell. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at  shopify.com/pfp Policygenius: This is where I got my term life insurance. Policygenius is made so easy. To get your term policy go to policygenius.com and make sure your loved ones are safe. Hello Fresh: Check out Hello Fresh www.hellofresh.com/pfp50 and use promo code PFP50 for 50% off your first order and free shipping! Delete Me: Use Promo Code PFP20 for 20% off!  Links Mentioned in This Episode:  The Stairway to Wealth (Where to Put Your Money In Order!) The Stairway to Wealth 2.0 (The Order You Should Put Your Money in!) The Ultimate Guide to Building Generational Wealth PDF Connect With Andrew on Social Media:  Instagram  TikTok Twitter  Master Money Website  Master Money Youtube Channel   Free Guides:   The Stairway to Wealth: The Order of Operations for your Money  How to Negotiate Your Salary  The 75 Day Money Challenge  Get out Of Debt Fast  Take the Money Personality Quiz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Learn more at tellus.com slash online security. No one can prevent all cybercrime or identity theft. Conditions apply. On this episode of the personal finance podcast, we're going to give you the five-step master plan to talk to your partner about money. All right up, everybody, and welcome to the personal finance podcast. I'm your host and your founder of mastermoney.com. And today on the personal finance podcast, we are going to give you the five-step master plan

to talk to your partner about money. If you guys have any questions, make sure you hit us up on Instagram or Twitter at MasterMoney Co. and follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or whatever podcast player, you love listening to this podcast on. And if you want to help out the show, leave a five-star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whatever other platform you are listening on. I cannot thank you guys enough for leaving those five-star ratings and reviews. I truly, truly appreciate them. So if you're getting value out of this episode, I cannot thank you enough for those five-star reviews. Now, today, we are going to go through a five-step master plan for you to talk to your

partner about money. Now, this is incredibly important, and I'm going to read you some statistics here that we have on relationships and money and how imperative it is to get your money right when it comes to relieving stress on your relationship. Now, I am no relationship expert. Your boy is just a money guy. But at the same time, what I do want to show you is how impactful this can be. And I'm going to give you some things that my wife and I have done to help ease this transition, especially if you are newly married or learning how to handle money with a partner or you've been married and money's just always been an issue for you or maybe you are happily married money has not been an issue and you want to avoid that ever happening to you then this is the podcast for you

I'm going to give you the frameworks on how to set this up I'm going to also give you frameworks on how to put systems together so that you can make sure you stay in communication about money this is one of the most important things that you should be talking about it should be your kids it should be money. It should be making sure you're in full communication in this relationship so that you can ensure you have financial success because dealing with money with a partner is hard. Let's get real about this. It is a very difficult thing to do. There is two different opinions dealing with the same sum of money. So you have to make sure that you can put together a plan where you both are on the same page. Now let me get into some of the stats here and some of these stats I got from wealth

pursuits, but they're from all over the internet. So married couples who fight about financial issues have about $30,000 in consumer debt. So what this tells me is if you're in debt, it puts a strain on the relationship and that's where you fight more is if you have consumer debt. Forty-eight percent of all couples with $50,000 or more of consumer debt agree that money is the top reason for arguments. This is from Ramsey Solutions. Forty-suit percent of couples agree that if they have a ton of debt, that is the reason why. And in one of the third of all people surveyed say they hit a purchase from their partner because they knew he or she would not approve. So what most experts call this is financial infidelity, whereas you're buying a

purchase, maybe it's a major purchase, maybe it's something small and you're not telling your partner about it because you don't want them to find out. 87% of people who say their marriage is great say they work together with their spouse to set long term financial goals. 87% this alone should be one of the main motivators to getting your money right together. Your boy's going to save marriages today with this system. We're going to show you how to save a bunch of marriages by doing this together, making sure that you are putting together a plan where you both are on the same page. There's an average increase of 16% per year in combined wealth among people who are married.

This is a cool stat. Now, the reason why I think this stat is cool is because I think in a relationship, you should be motivating each other and uplifting each other to build wealth. and I think this happens, an increase of 16% per year in combined wealth among people. If I didn't have my wife involved in my life, I don't even think I would push very hard when it came to early on in my 20.

She was the one that pushed me because I had a little bit less motivation than she did early on. Married people accumulate wealth faster than singles, and this is much faster at a rate of 77%. So that's not a motivator to get married and you like money. I don't know what it is.

Having a yearly income of $125,000 or more, lowers the likelihood of divorce by more than half. About 51% compared to households with an annual income of $25,000 or left. So earning more saves your marriage. That's what this stat shows, and this is from the Atlantic. Earning more money, over $125,000 combined in the household, lowers the likelihood of divorce by 51%. This is a crazy stat that a lot of people never talk about.

Arguing over personal finance issues every week increases the likelihood of divorce by more than 30%. If you argue about money a lot, you got to stop that, you got to get on the same page and make sure that you are doing this together. About 80% of all married couples in the United States share at least part of their expenditures and earnings. That's compared to 20% who keep everything completely separate. That's from ally bank.

So if you're thinking about combining your finances or not, that's one thing to consider. 41% of married couples with consumer debt argued most about money. So really, debt and income are two of the biggest factor. when it comes to creating stress around your money. Those two factors alone, which we talk about here a lot, are major factors in any person's life on having a healthy financial life.

The likelihood of divorce increases by 45% among couples who think their partners spent money irresponsibly. So if you're not on the same page and you think one person is spending irresponsibly, you don't have systems set up to make sure you handle this. And systems is just a word to say, you don't have a plan in place to handle this stuff.

It's a 45% increase of divorce. But I have a bunch of other states. and most of them come to the same conclusion. Debt and income are the two major factors. So today, what we are going to do is we're going to talk through how you can actually avoid all of these things all at once. And I'm going to give you this systematically how to set up a money meeting. And I'm going to tell you how often to have it.

I'm going to tell you what to talk about. I'm going to tell you some of the scripts that you should be having. When you have conversations with your partner, I'm going to show you how to listen to your partner and how you can actually think through these together as a team. This is what we're talking about today. So if that's something you're into, let's get into it. All right, so what we're going to do is we're going to set up a money meeting. And we're going to set up a money meeting at a certain frequency

so that we can start to get on the same page when it comes to money. Now, I know this sounds like something that's not fun, but there's a lot of things that you can do to make it interesting, make it more fun, and make this process enjoyable for both parties. Now, talking about money, the main motivator, leads to less divorce. less divorce situations by talking about money. You have to talk about this. This is a very important thing.

If you push this and suppress this down and never have these conversations, it will never go well. Number two, it also leads to having more money because you are both on the same page, you are following the same systems. When my wife and I started to do this, immediately our finances turned around

because all of a sudden we were on the same page and not just wondering what the other person was thinking all the time. And number three, it also leads to a quicker retirement, meaning that you can retire so much faster because your goals are aligned and you get to do exactly what you should be doing when it comes to building wealth. So between those three things, if that's not enough of a motivator for you, then I don't know what type of life you want to have. So the first thing we're going to do is we are going to start with why. So you're going to set up

this money conversation and you're going to approach this with a mutually beneficial position. So maybe one person is more interested in money than the other. I, in my situation, is way more interested, obviously, in money than my wife is. My wife could care less about the numbers and building wealth and all these different things. She likes to talk about investing and stuff like that. But outside of that, she could care less about some of the other things that I talk about. In fact, I probably bore her to death with some of the things that I talk about. If you're the money person, here's one thing that you could do. You could say, hey, I want to work on our finances so that we can build our dream life together. Can we schedule a time to meet weekly to talk about money so we can achieve our goals and

our dream life. This is part one. You want it to be beneficial for both parties. What you don't want to do is sit down and say, hey, we need to look at these spreadsheets. We need to look at our investments. This is not working out. This is not going in the direction that I want to do. That is never what you do because nobody wants to sit down with somebody else and look at spreadsheets. Nobody wants to sit down with somebody else where they hammer in numbers into their brain. Nobody wants to do that. So instead, what we are going to do is do it from a motivational standpoint, which both parties want anyways. So there's a bunch of motivators

that you can put into place. Maybe your goals in your dream life are to travel the world. Maybe you want to buy your dream home. You want to have this amazing home. Maybe you want a bunch of land or you want to have an amazing apartment in the city or you want to have this amazing second home

and a vacation home where your family can build memories. Maybe that's your big thing is you want to buy another home. Maybe you want to achieve financial freedom as fast as you possibly can. That could be a third motivator. Maybe you want to pursue a passion or a hobby.

Like, for example, for me, I love playing pickleball. If I can play pickleball every single day, well, that's a great life for me because all of a sudden I just picked up this new hobby. I can pursue this passion and hobby and have a great time while doing it. Maybe you want to spend some quality time with friends and family. Maybe you want to start working on work that fulfills you. Well, getting these financial goals put together is going to help you do that. Maybe you want to get healthier and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Have more time for your healthy lifestyle. Well, this is going to help you do that as well. Get that flexibility with your time and your income. energy or you want to learn new skills and languages. These are all just ideas of motivators that a lot of people have. So you find what motivates you, what motivates your spouse, and you guys come together to put together a plan of what is your dream life? I want you to write this out. What exactly is your dream life? Because once you have this in place and you know what you want to do in life, you can put the money plan together because that's what money is truly there to do. Money is there to bring us freedom.

It is to reduce our stress, reduce our anxiety, and give us freedom. That is what money is there to do. Don't get it twisted. It's not to do anything else besides buy your freedom or be utilized as a tool to do what you want. This is the amazing power money has in putting together a plan together is the way that you can achieve that. Most people want to travel the world or they want to travel to a bunch of places. If that's you, money can help you do that. A lot of other people just want to have freedom with their time.

so they can do whatever they want. If that's you, money can help you do that. And so coming together on this stuff is going to help you get to the point where you get exactly what you want in life. How freeing is that? How freeing would it be to get exactly what you wanted in life?

This is where it becomes extremely powerful to have these money conversations. This is not a chore. This is invigorating. This is enlighting because it gives you the things that you want in life. Now here's some other reasons why you want to meet

because you want to have improved communication. Regularly meeting means you improve your communication. You are both on the same page. Number two, you want to have financial transparency. This allows you to build trust and promote openness in your relationship because you have this financial transparency. Number three, it helps you align your goals on your dream life. Having this constant communication, whether it's weekly or biweekly,

I recommend two to three times a week, which we'll talk about in a second. But having this constant communication helps you align those goals. Number four, it's going to help you do a budget adjustment. maybe one of you just thinks you're spending way too much money in one area. Well, making this budget adjustment, it's going to truly help you. So, for example, let me give you a good one. Over the last year, my wife and I have spent a little too much money for our taste on frivolous things that we could care less about, random target runs, random Amazon purchases.

And obviously, we know better to not do that, but at the same time, everybody slips when it comes to this stuff. So we had a conversation to reel this back in. You have to do this constantly because you're going to have mess ups all. the time. So reeling this back in just means you were more conscious about your spending so that you could take more dollars and spend them towards things that you love. That's exactly what making these adjustments is. Celebrating milestones. Once you hit a big goal, maybe you paid off your car payment and you did your final car payment. You celebrate that milestone together. Pop them bottles during that

goal meeting. Get together. Make sure you're celebrating those wins. It reduces both of your stress because you're openly communicating. Now, if this turns into a fight every single time, your approach is wrong. It should be reducing your stress, reducing anxiety for both sides. Also, it helps you adapt to changes and reinforces teamwork and reinforces conflict resolution. There's so many pros of this, I could go on and on and on. But these are some of the things that you've got to think about when you do this. Now, number two, you have to pick the time and place. When you pick the time in place, you want this to be a comfortable location for both of you.

It doesn't have to be in the same exact place every single time, although I think it should at the beginning. But as you start to get good at this, you can do it in a bunch of different places. So one place that we do it is at the kitchen table, for example. So you don't want to be lounging around the couch, laying out like you're on a chase lounge and one person's the therapist and the other person's just laying there. But you want it to be a situation where you can have a full-on conversation. Maybe you could pour up a glass of wine, maybe a beer.

Maybe if you don't drink, maybe you have your favorite ice cream or your favorite treat, whatever it is. And you make this a fun thing, a comfortable thing, and have it in a place where you can also have really good conversations. Now, one thing to mention also is the time. So you don't want to do this at the end of the day when you both are dead. exhausted because that means you're just going to skip it way too many times. So you've got to think through when can we do this, maybe early Sunday mornings,

maybe early Saturday afternoons, something that sometime where you're not completely exhausted. Now, if you have kids, I know this is a much harder thing to do. I understand that. So maybe you can do it during your nap time on the weekends where you're a little more energized than you would be if you did it at the very end of the day. Think through how you can make this work and make sure it's easily repeatable, meaning you can repeat this and do it over and over again where things are not going to get thrown into your schedule. If you do this in the middle of the week where you both are working

from home and then all of a sudden meetings get put on your calendar, this is going to get pushed back days, then weeks, then months, it's not going to work. It's got to be easily repeatable so that you're doing this over and over again. So avoiding stressful times, choosing a relaxed environment, make sure you eliminate distractions. So it's a time where there's not kids running around in the house. They're trying to talk to you while you're having this conversation. Eliminate distractions is a huge thing. Keeping it casual up front is also awesome. Maybe you go to a coffee shop and you keep it casual in that kind of situation. Or you go on walks as you get good at this and you're exercising at the same time as you're having your money conversation. Now also one thing to note here is you want

to align this with your partner's energy levels. So some people have really high energy levels at certain times and they have really low energy levels at certain times. If you're a morning person and your partner's not a morning person, there is no reason to have this conversation in the morning. Or if you're a night owl and your partner's not a night owl, then there's no reason to have this conversation at night. You've got to align your energy levels at the same time. Otherwise it's not going to work. All of these things sound. like they're small details. Let me tell you right now. They matter. So think through this as you are going through this process. And then just make sure you have room for flexibility. So if we cannot

make the meeting for any which reason for this week, what day is going to be our makeup day and at what time? That way, if it's missed, then you have that makeup day in time and you don't miss it every single week. Now, number three, the third thing you want to do is you want to set the agenda beforehand. So imagine leading a meeting at work and you had no agenda planned. That would be a disaster for everybody involved. So you got to have an agenda planned before you do this. Now, this can be a simple one-page sheet that you put together with that you both look at. You can both work on a Google Doc every single week on what you want to talk about. But here is your agenda. I'm going to give you your exact agenda and then you just put the specifics underneath here. So the first thing you want to do is review

expenses. When you review your expenses, you want to go through your recent transactions and your spending habit. So you can either go through your recent expenses. Maybe you had a bunch of surprise expenses. My wife and I have noticed over the last six to seven months, we have had multiple surprise expenses every single month. And I'm talking about big ones, like a thousand dollar surprise expenses every single month for the last six months. That's what emergency funds are for. But at the same time, it's been nonstop. So you want to go through and kind of talk through some of those and see what expenses have happened. What areas are you overspending on? What areas are you underspending on? And discuss potential adjustments that you need to make. So that's number one, review expenses. Number two, review your

budget. Create your budget. Make sure you review that budget. Is your spending on target or your categories on target? Do you have everything in place? And if you do a reverse budget, are you just saving enough off the top and then spending what is left over? Do you have enough left over when you save off the top? Look at those two things. Three, review your upcoming calendar. What do you have coming up when it comes to bills? What do you have coming up when it comes to obligations. Have those two things available. One great way to do this is with Rocket Money. So Rocket Money is not a sponsor of this podcast. I just like using it. It's a free plan. There's like a $3 plan that you can use also. But I use Rocket Money all the time to see what bills are upcoming. Also, what my recurring expenses are like, do I have a bunch of subscriptions that I am not really wanting anymore. So I go through that. I review that every month the same time. And so that's a great way to do that is to review your upcoming calendar in Rocket Money. Reviewer investment. So you can go into personal capital, which is now Empower. You can go look at Empower. I'm still getting used to saying empower instead of personal capital. And you can review your investments, assess where you are, make sure your investments

actually went in, or you're on track for retirement, all those different things. And you want to schedule when you're going to tackle big items. Let me give me an example of this. Let's say, for example, you've heard some of our generational wealth podcast episode and you said, hey, we don't have a will yet. We got to schedule a will. When are we going to do this will thing? You're going to schedule those big items to tackle those big items at a certain time during

this meeting so that nobody can get out of it. You have it scheduled on your calendar. and you just get it done. This is how you get financial stuff done, especially the boring stuff. You get your taxes done this way. You tackle all these big things. You just schedule it.

You get it done. That's what you do. You rip off the band-aid and you get it over with. This is how you do that there. And then brainstorm any change is needed. So when you do this, you want to brainstorm and collaborate

and identify any areas of your financial plan that may need modification. You both need to agree on this. So making sure you both agree on this modification is key. And then put together action items. So if there's things you each need to do, who's going to do what? Put together the action items

and the action list So that next time you come to the meeting, those items are done. And then if you're getting action items, I would take those action items and put the date I'm going to do them. That way, you're not trying to do them all right before the meeting and then your partner gets upset because they did their action items and you didn't do yours. That always lays the conflict. So making sure that you do that ahead of time is incredibly important. So lately, I've been noticing how fast things are changing at home. The kids are growing like crazy.

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Now, number four, I want to reiterate something. I want you to understand that this is a collaboration and you are building together. This needs to be a mutual plan, not just your plan. This isn't a meeting to tell your partner what you're going to do. Instead, this is going to be something where you both contribute to get a positive outcome. So how do you want to do this? Well, first, you're going to have open communication during these meetings. You want to encourage honest and open dialogue.

Number two, you're going to have active listening. If you're the person who doesn't shut up about money, I want you to actively try to make sure that you are listening more than you are talking. You're asking questions. You're listening to what your partner is talking about and you are taking in that information and utilizing that information so that you can craft a plan that you both love. Joint decision making. When it comes to making decisions on, are we going to pursue financial dependence? Are we going to buy a bigger house? Are we going to go on more vacations? This has to be joint decision making. And I'm going to talk about it here in a second, what you should do if you have differing goals, because everyone has differing goals.

So you got to have this joint decision making when it comes together. And then number four, you're going to have to have compromise. You can't just get everything you want. So each person has to have compromise when you have these conversations. And then once you have this compromise, then you can set common goals with this collaboration. Now, what do you do if you have different goals? Number one, identify where you have common ground and then identify the differing goals. Now, what I want you to do is when you have common ground, put those together. Those are good things that you both are going to work on together. Then you're differing goals.

For example, we had a question a while back where someone said their wife wants to buy a bigger house, but they want to get financially independent as fast as they possibly can. How do you handle these goals? We're going to have to prioritize which one is more important. Do you want that freedom or do you want that bigger house to build memories and all these other things? On a lot of situations, you could do a little bit of both. Or maybe your compromise is, hey, having that freedom is going to help us spend more time

with our family. We can build those memories and maybe even more. or whereas having the house, we're still going to have you working our butts off and we may not be able to have as much time and as many memories if we do that. That's one situation where you can talk through that. I understand the difference between the two,

or maybe you put together a plan where you can have both where maybe if one partner doesn't work and the other one does, the other partner picks up a job so they can earn more money so that you can achieve both goals and everybody is on the same page. So there's a bunch of different things that you can do, but prioritize which goals are most important. Put them in order on a piece of paper or on a spreadsheet, whatever you want to do, and then establish a timeline for each one of these goals.

Because if one is more important than the other, you establish that timeline, you attack those goals in order of importance first because this is how you save for multiple savings goals. This is how you attack multiple financial goals. This is why the stairway to wealth isn't an order. The stairway to wealth is in an order because I want you to do boom, boom, boom, one at a time so that as you hit each one, then you can go to the next level. And that is really how you accomplish your goals. If you try to do all the goals at the same time, it's going to be very difficult.

but put them in order of importance and make sure that you were working towards those. And make sure you're having these compromises as we've talked about before, then have that joint plan together and then regularly reevaluate that plan once you have it together. So once you have that plan in place, regularly continue to reevaluate. Now, I'm going to create together a PDF for you guys where you can kind of go through these exercises. I will give you these steps for everything we've talked about thus far in a PDF so that you can check that.

And I'll link it up down below in the show notes so that you can see that. Now, number five, this is the last step is you got to be consistent. You have to be consistent with these meetings. I know what you're going to do. I know what most people do is they meet once or twice and they're like, this isn't that fun. I'm not going to meet anymore. I don't feel like it.

Neither person feels like it anymore. You have to be consistent for this to work. You saw the statistics that we talked about at the top of the show. It is so important to do this. I cannot explain enough. If you're in a relationship, it is so important to have these money conversations. One meeting will not help you. Three, four, five meetings will really.

help you and consistently meeting once, twice, three times a month will be one of the best things that you ever did for your financial life. I cannot explain how much this will ensure that you have success with your money. So to ensure consistency, make sure it's fun. You can either celebrate milestones, you can gamify money challengers, you can center money conversations around what you can afford, you can center money conversations about your dream life and how you are going to work towards achieving that dream life. There's so many different things that you can do. And it's not like you're going to align perfectly overnight. This is one thing that you've got to know and anticipate up front. Taylor your expectations. You're not going to align 100% on overnight, but continuously

having these conversations, continuously meeting and making sure that you're taking this slow over time, thinking through your goals. This is your entire life here. So you can continuously have these conversations, develop your goals. Your goals will change. My goals have changed 10 times over from my 20s to now my early 30s. They have changed a million times since we started these conversations. So making sure that you take it slow and peel back the layer slowly over time so that you can figure out how you can achieve the experiences and the goals that you want. That's what this is all about. So listen, I'm going to put these steps together on a PDF so that you can download that PDF, look at it and use this to set up your own money dates and conversations. You can have my step-by-step guide. In addition, I'm going to put together the list that you can utilize to have on your agenda. It'll be in that PDF so you can put your agenda together very easily.

and I'll even give you a sample agenda in there also. So if you guys are interested in that, make sure you check out the show notes and it'll be linked up at the top of the show notes for you to be able to reference and download. So thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I hope you learned a ton about how to talk to your partner about money.

If you guys have any questions, make sure you hit us up on Instagram or Twitter and don't forget to leave that five-star rating and review. And if you got value at this episode, share it with your partner so that you guys can go through this together, share it with a friend as well who is struggling with money. with their partner. And thank you guys so much for listening this episode. I truly appreciate

each and every single one of you. And all I want to do is bring you as much value as we possibly can with this podcast. That's the entire goal. I want to make multi-millionaires out of each and every single one of you. So thank you so much for listening this episode. We will see you on the next episode. Frozen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo. The online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws.

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