The Prepper Broadcasting Network - Raising Values: Abuse

Episode Date: July 14, 2024

https://www.facebook.com/RaisingValuesPodcast/www.pbnfamily.comhttps://www.instagram.com/raisingvaluespodcast/http://www.mofpodcast.com/www.prepperbroadcasting.comhttps://rumble.com/user/Mofpodcastwww.youtube.com/user/philrabSupport the showMerch at: https://southerngalscrafts.myshopify.com/Shop at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2ora9riPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/mofpodcastPhil and Gillian both skirted around the topic of abuse last episode. Now they sit down to talk about just what abuse looks like and feels like to them, how to spot it, and how to guard one's self against it.Raising Values Podcast is live-streaming our podcast on our YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Rumble. See the links above, join in the live chat, and see the faces behind the voices.family, traditional, values, christian, spiritual, marriage, dating, relationship, children, growing up, peace, wisdom, self improvement, masculinity, feminity, masculine, feminine

Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Bill and Gillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. welcome back to raising values our cat has suddenly decided after an entire morning of sleeping in that she desperately needs attention right now yeah i'll give it to her welcome back um i'm emotionally stable today. Are you, though? We'll see. I'm not crying. At least I'm not crying on this episode yet. That doesn't necessarily imply stability.

Dang. Rough. Maybe that's a good reason why we're having this topic today. and why we're having this topic today. Yeah, I mean, we kind of skirted around the whole topic of abuse in the last episode, which, oddly enough, wasn't at all where I thought that topic was going to go. But I thought it bore some further discussion. Because, like, you know, abuse... Well, wait a second. Before you get into it, last week we had to go back and watch last week's episode because we kept saying, oh, that's another topic for another day.

Oh, that's another topic for another day. We did that three times. And we didn't write any of it down. We didn't. And it was all in the span of, like, five minutes of the show, so it was really easy for me to capture those topics. So I know I texted you, and you were in the other room but you were working on something electrical with for stewart or whatever and so i was like let me just text him also so that i have it but

all three of those topics that we said we should do all revolved around abuse at some level or whatever. And so, and then one of them was like, I don't know if I'm ready to open that can of worms and display dirty laundry of my family in such a public forum. And so I'm kind of going to skirt around a couple of things, but I don't know. We'll see how much I get into what the abuse was and what it continues and stuff. Yeah, I'm glad you made banners because that'll help me stay on track. You're also responsible for my track today. Oh, goodness.

The whole point of the banners was more than anything to try to, like, give us an avenue to talk about instances of abuse that we have either witnessed or been party to like you know seeing someone else go through it without having to directly address that person's situation sure because i wouldn't we try to make it a rule like not to drag anybody from our past or from our lives if they're not here to defend themselves. Absolutely. But let's start with the one that's probably the simplest to point out and will require the least amount of discussion. Physical abuse is probably what most people think of when they hear about abuse.

And I'm not drawing lines in any of this between like spouses friends family co-workers random people on the street like abuse can come from anywhere it usually comes i in my experience like from the people that we're closer to just because we let them in further but fiscal abuse is probably the one that doesn't require a lot of discussion because, like, everybody has witnessed physical abuse at some point or the other. Everyone can pretty well understand, like, that's hitting, that's inappropriate touching, that's physical abuse. Yeah. I think it's also – oh, Stuart. That was Stuart whose comment says, I can't be responsible for getting you off track

if you oh I can be responsible well you know I rely on you sometimes too Stuart um our sleepy little town of Mandeville was on what's today Sunday on Friday was kind of rocked with a domestic abuse that went really bad. Actually, a block from my school. So I'm not going to get into details, but police were called. Police show up, hear screaming in the house. A woman runs out. The man runs down. This doesn't make sense to me. I'm thinking that there might be a little bit left out in the story. But supposedly the cop is between the two of them, but the man shoots the woman, and the woman dies on the front lawn or at the hospital. But she gets shot multiple times.

Cop tases the man, but he's still able to move. And then the cop comes up from behind and shoots the man and kills him. Hop comes up from behind and shoots the man and kills him. Anyway, so obviously there was some abuse happening for it to escalate to her being murdered in the front yard with a gun. So there had to be signs. Yeah? You think? Unless he was hitting her in places that didn't show signs. It could have also, well, we're not to that other mental abuse,

but physical abuse, yeah, I don't think you have to. We don't have to beat that horse. You don't have to beat that horse. Like literally? Yeah. Ouch. Jeez, Phil. That wasn't a good one.

Yeah. I mean, I wanted to start here because I feel like that's the one that doesn't require a lot of pointing out. Like most people should just naturally understand, yes, that's definitely abuse. But I wanted to also get in some things that a lot of people would not see as abuse or they would dismiss or they would say, well, that's not abuse. And those are the things I really want to spend some time hammering on. Time out on physical abuse. I think we could definitely, instead of thinking spouses or adults abusing each other,

there have been instances in my life where the physical abuse was traumatizing. Traumatizing. And not so much on me, watching it um on family members and they're i i don't know how i don't know how they got away with it the physical abuse because unless oh god i'll just presenting the image of the perfect family outwards so that nobody questions. I'm talking about the bruises and cuts and things that were left on my sister. Kids fell downstairs. Well, maybe so. I don't know.

I'm not saying that to be dismissive of what you're saying. I'm just saying that, like, and this is going to apply to all of this. I feel like two things happen with a majority of abuse. I feel like a lot of people don't want to get involved they don't want to acknowledge it they don't want to they don't want to admit it's happening because then they have a moral obligation to step in especially when it's perpetrated towards children and you know call it what it is especially in a lot of these in a lot of communities, you've already said not wanting to air family dirty laundry. That applies here too.

A lot of families don't want to air their dirty laundry. And even if their parent is beating the crap out of them, they don't want to air that and be the kid. Well, people don't want to walk into the dirty laundry. But what I'm saying is from the victim's perspective, they don't want to air that out and then everybody knows my mom and dad beat me up. Yeah. There's a ton of pressure where it comes to all forms of abuse where people, they don't want to, even the victims a lot of times don't want to acknowledge it. I mean, the sexual assault reporting rate is known to be many times less than what the number of assaults actually is. There's shame involved.

People don't want to admit it's happening. They believe, I think erroneously, that the fact that I'm being abused is a reflection on me. What have I done to allow this or what have I done to deserve this? So I think there's tons of pressure for people, even victims of physical abuse, especially children, to cover it up because they don't want. There's a shame involved. There's a disappointment of your, you know, you've disappointed your parents. And there was, so hang on, I've got to get my words right in my head.

So there was spankings and, and that was one, I don't consider spankings abuse. Okay. Hang on. Let me get my words right again. We grew up getting spankings. We also grew up being punching bags too. And, and more so for my my sisters for whatever reason i don't know why i was skipped over so much but that's um it's like a survivor's guilt kind of

thing that i have to work through but um when i became a parent i we spanked Piper. I can think she's been spanked not even 10 times. It wasn't much. And what I had to do as an adult and as a parent was decide that spanking was a last resort. It was a way to turn behavior around quickly that needed to be turned around quickly. And it was never done in anger. My God, I guess I really am spilling the beans. My parents abused in anger. They abused in shame.

And, you know, when they were when they thought that their image was being tarnished, more so, more so my mom than my dad, because my dad was also abused. My mom was too. And, and there's always going to be, you know, people that say, well, that didn't happen like that, or that didn't happen like that. Well, everyone's perspective of how they were raised and the things that happened to them is going to be different than the people that watched or it didn't happen to. And for me, I have always thought this isn't right. This isn't how parents should treat their children. And I can remember one beating my sister got when she was a teenager. She was in high school and, um, I, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do. I mean, I was probably only 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,

maybe even younger than that, maybe 10, maybe eight, nine or 10. And I watched this happen. And, um, I won't go into like super details, but I will tell you that, um, it wasn't just a hand or a belt, you know, extension cords were being used. And, um, there were some pretty awful things that happened in my house growing up. Yeah. So when we had children, I never wanted that. I didn't want, I didn't want to scream at her. I didn't want to, those, that was one of those curses that I knew, again, on my checklist, that was going to be broken. And I was never going to spank her out of anger. And I had decided that if I got angry enough at her, a child, if I got angry enough at this child that I needed to just walk away and like tag her. And we did that sometimes. Absolutely. There'd be times where you would say, I can't do this right now. I'm overloaded. You back off and I'd step in. But to me me the key was always if you're if it doesn't matter what what punishment you're

doling out if you're doing it because you're angry it's wrong the even if it's the right thing to do you're doing it for the wrong reasons you're doing the wrong motivations so that's why i was always very particular about you know there there were times where i dole out a punishment to her like put her in the corner and be like, you're going to be there for 10 minutes. And about three minutes later, I was like, 10 minutes is probably excessive. I need to roll that back a little bit. Yeah. But it always came back to the idea that like, like you said, spanking was always a last resort and you never, we never spanked because we were angry. We spanked nine times out of ten. It was because the old counting one, two, three.

If we get to three, we know what's coming next. Yeah. Like our child always had ample opportunity to arrest her behavior before she got spanked. And it was usually because she just felt the need to push that limit just a little bit that we had to remind her like no we're mom and dad and the limit is where the limit is but that's that's physical abuse in a nutshell i mean that's that's hitting is probably like you know the simplest way to put it but it's easy to recognize was the reason i started with it most people will see that say that's obviously abuse yeah um i want to go back through some of these comments

joe asked what is it when mom knows watches the physical abuse but ignores it i don't wait put that back up let me i didn't finish reading it i'm sorry he said is that a double down physical and mental abuse um i i don't think it's physical absolutely mental absolutely mental i would always also characterize it as another form of abuse i put in here later that i want to save for later oh okay so we'll come back to that comment then i guess yeah yeah yes we are um he said tragging up some mess today yeah i had to think about this um this topic like big time to make sure that i was ready to say some things um you actually said you weren't going to air dirty laundry i did i know but i mean i can't i can't really talk about this subject without airing the dirty laundry i mean mean, I can say group in an abusive household, you know, until I'm blue in the face.

But what exactly does that mean? And when we started this podcast and you said, well, do you think that there's enough content to really keep it going? I thought about it and I was like, this was one of the things I thought about. Like, I have so much that I thought about. Like I, I have so much that, um, I went through, but then my sister's, my sister's, um, story, both of them is I think even more traumatic than mine. Um, and like I said, there's a lot of, I guess you could call it survivor's guilt because I, um, I used to pick on my sisters and say, I just watched what you did and I didn't do that so that I wouldn't get hit.

And truth and just, that really was, I think, how I flew under the radar so much. That and I think by the time I got to a position of maybe my teenage years, my parents were just so done with being parents that they didn't care. They didn't care where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. They just didn't care. And that kind of goes into some other abuse that happened. And I don't know where it would fit on here. Maybe mental abuse, maybe neglect.

But there was some pushing to be in certain relationships. Me, pushing me to be in certain relationships with certain people. And then there was some i just put this in our little pocket for a future topic what when parents quit being parents oh that's a good one because yeah i think there's a lot there's a lot of stories there to it's crazy because i so i have unpacked a lot of this I think I got more mental abuse than anything I didn't get the whole physical abuse and I and again we'll probably get to um get to this later on in your banners but I still allow a lot of the abuse to happen because

I still have this whole I have to take care of my parents and they're my parents and you know, blah, blah, blah. And so sometimes I just allow those things to continue that emotional abuse to continue. And I, I got a lot of that emotional abuse. Um, and I still sometimes do. I'm better at being able to see it for what it is now and i have put up a bunch of guards to what you started talking about it so i flipped to the next banner oh no no no i i sorry i didn't mean to no forward i mean that but that was you went there and that's so your next banner because remember mental emotional abuse and bullying and i think that this is the one that sometimes is in some in some ways it's a little more difficult to

to put a finger on you know i'm saying because like when people think bullying they think like a person in from a position of strength or position of authority using that strength and authority to demean or to belittle someone with less power or authority. And that doesn't just happen like on the schoolyard when the big kids pick it on the little kids. That can be parent to child. That can be older sibling to younger sibling. That can be senior employee to junior employee in co-worker situations like bullying and mental emotional abuse that happens anywhere the cat is having a conniption i don't know if y'all can hear her but anyway i don't think the mic's that sensitive but we're gonna

hear her for the rest of the episode, apparently. I don't even know what she's mad about. Her sister's not awake. Oh, that's the problem. Anyway, so that's kind of the next place I wanted to go was, you know, mental emotional bullying, which you were talking about the fact that you might have escaped a lot of the physical abuse but simply being in that household where you were in constant fear of the next glass breaking thing flying up and hitting the wall the next fight between the next fight all that is mental emotional maybe not direct bullying but i characterize all that is mental, emotional, maybe not direct bullying, but I characterize all that as mental and emotional abuse.

Just to be placed in that environment and have to grow up in it. Yeah, and it took different forms as we got older. And it, like I said, you know, like you said, I was there, I watched it, and I can't speak for the way that my sisters went through it because they had physical, I had more of the mental. But then the mental came. I mean, the mental was always there for everybody, even my parents against each other. There was total mental abuse there's also physical abuse

and between the two of them so and we put on this really nice facade you know we went to church every Sunday even though the car ride to church was I can I can remember having a conversation with one of my sisters because we would get in the car to go to church and our parents would fight so horribly and hit each other in the front seat. And then one of them, whoever was driving would get, would pull over and make the other one get out and start walking home. Um, every time I say something, I feel like I'm just putting more clothes on the clothesline with shit all over them. But here's a question. Did those fights ever happen on the way to church?

That's what I'm saying. Every Sunday they happened on the way to church. To church or on the way home? To church. And no one said anything when the family showed up and then the other parent showed up late? Well, the parent never came. Oh just turned or well they would start walking and then the other parent would go and pick them up and drop and like drop them off at home and we would go to church and present this happy little family or and and it was always so andso doesn't feel well today or whatever. Or they'd go and pick up the other spouse and we would go to church.

And it was just, oh, God, it was just awful. It was awful. And then we'd walk into church and everything would be, you know, fine. And you dry your tears and whatever, pretty faces same thing we were talking about before where i said that the the parties to the abuse often don't want to admit there's abuse happening because of the shame involved you don't want to be the child whose parents are behaving like that because it's embarrassing well and they weren't fighting because of us on sundays well i'm just saying like yeah we we yeah i think they were fighting because they were just

miserable people but well and two we didn't know any different like we didn't know that this wasn't normal that this wasn't every household i distinctly remember a time when you told me that like the first time you told me like your family is so different from mine, I didn't completely put together what you meant until you explained it. Like, you know, it's just a very different environment. Yeah. Why do you think I love going to your house? Like, every time we go to your house, your parents' house, I take a nap because I'm so just at peace with your parents' house, I take a nap because I'm so, I'm so just at peace with your parents. I, I can find, because when, when we're at your parents' house, even though there are days when

your brother's there that I want to knock him in the back of the head, he's still like a little brother. Um, sorry, which is, which is normal. You slapped him in the back of the head the first time you met him. I know. I was like, she's in. I just get this like, like that. I can just breathe a sigh of relief when I go to your parents' house because that's what a family is supposed to be like. That's the family that you and I have created. family supposed to be like, that's the family that you and I have created. I have to work myself up for, if I know like I'm going, like I knew I had to go over there on Tuesday because my mom had

surgery. I had to work myself up for at least a week, maybe a half a week to be ready to present myself. And then, um, the other day I went over there and just to check and whatever. And I just, oh, I did not want to go. I did not want to be there. I did not want to go. The tension in the house is still so, so thick. I don't want to be a part of it. My energy just, of it, my energy just, oh, it's just, it just gums up. That's how bad that energy is. My, my energy gums up and I just feel like I'm walking through sludge when I'm, when I'm there. And it's just because they just don't have good energy. And I hate that for them. I really do. I love my parents. I really do love my parents. I don't want to be around them often. And I will take care of them. I will do what needs to be done as a child. And I know that somebody is going to come back and say, you don't have to.

And I talk about removing toxic people from your life all the time and not having those negative energies and not having those low vibrations in your life and things like that. And for the most part I do, but for some reason I cannot dismiss my parents because they're my parents. I, you know, I, I look at my mom who came out of surgery on Tuesday and she was not very lucid at all, obviously, between the anesthesia and then the pain medicine that they gave her. She just wasn't, she didn't know who I was. I mean, I was Miss Rosie. I don't know who Miss Rosie is, but I was Miss Rosie on Tuesday and I was feeding her green frogs. So, but there was a moment when I'm literally hand feeding her, um, something. And I just, I had this like moment where I was like,

there's a person in there. There's a person who hurts. There's a person who cares. There's a person in there. And it sucks that I can only see that person when she's so doped up, you know. And then I was able to get a clear look at my father who was sitting in his chair. And I'm like, I understand why she complains about you all the time. Like, I don't know. I love my parents. I do. I don't. This is love my parents. I do. I don't.

This is really hard to air dirty laundry. It's probably something that I need to talk about and maybe see a therapist for or whatever. But I do feel. Well, I do feel like I'm in a better place. And so what is the therapist going to do that I can't work through these emotions by myself? You know, because I don't think i don't think you do work through them okay well why because i think if you compare me to 10 years ago with them i think i've done a lot of improvement you have but i don't know you you and i will always have very different defense

mechanisms to abuse and i personally like you this is something that you and I have argued about, but, like, I've had people in my life that I consider to be abusive towards me, and I just ejected them. Like, I don't care if it's family. I don't care. I draw no distinctions. I look at it as, and I've been very particular about the fact that, like, and people that I'm close to know this about me. Like I hold people that I'm close to, to a higher standard than casual friends. Because if you're a casual friend, I could take your, leave you. But if you're a close friend, I let you in. And if you use that proximity to act abusively towards me, you're out. And there may never be mending of that friendship because I've allowed you in, you've abused my trust.

And it hasn't been a popular sentiment in the past, like the fact that I can just cut somebody off the knees and discard them. But my point of view is very simply like, if you are willing to behave that way towards me, then you do not regard this friendship the way I do. You don't regard this relationship the way I do. And then we can't have a relationship anymore. And there are family members that like I may never see again before their funeral.

I don't go around every day thinking to myself, oh, I hate that person because of what they did to me 10 years ago. I just think to myself, when we're together, you act abusively towards me. I'm not going to allow that anymore. And if that means we don't see each other, we don't see each other. That's not, I don't feel like that's me being inappropriate. I feel like that's me responding to somebody else. Yeah. Because I didn't start dancing until I heard music. I don't know. like that's me being inappropriate i feel like that's me responding to somebody else yeah because

i don't i didn't start dancing till i heard music i don't know i mean i'm i i am better about removing toxic people from my life that um that just that are like are just friends or acquaintances or whatever, I mean, I, what's the word? Not disqualified. Why am I thinking disqualified? I got rid of two friendships this year based on, I felt like they were toxic people. They were. And you have told me that for years now that, you know, this person, and I'm not going to go into the next banner just yet, but the things that this person did.

And I finally was able enough to cut communication. I tried to have a conversation. I was gaslighted. And I just said, that's it. That's enough. I'm not doing this anymore. Because if I continue to argue this point with you, you're just going to continue to gaslighted and I just said that's it that's enough I'm not doing this anymore because if I continue to argue this point with you you're just going to continue to gaslight and make yourself the victim and so I said that's it that's enough you are now professional only like and that's that's just a wave in car line. That's not a communication. Please don't text me. I haven't gotten the nerve yet. Because, see, like you were like unfriend, block, whatever. I'm still in this chat, this group chat that I cannot remove myself from

because I don't want to be talked about when the little notification that says Gillian has left the chat comes across. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. And the more time I spend with your sister, the closer I get because... Thank you, Becca. Becca's my black cat to my golden retriever. So she's very much... I needed your sister. i didn't realize how much i needed your sister in my life you could just listen to me yeah i told you the exact same things she does i know i know look we haven't gone through these comments and they've kind of been rolling in so i need to read through some of them really quick before we keep going um okay oh wow um i think we left off about where that guy comments guy that comments no you don't have to put it up i just didn't read it um uh you gotta traumatize

those you love that way that they stay bonded for life like a garrett garotte a garotte i don't know about that. I don't think he was advocating for that. I think he was saying that's the reason why. Abuser's abuse. Oh. I think so. Oh, okay.

Keep going down. Pause the cast. I got... Funny Stuart. And got... Funny Stuart. And then Joe down here saying, Gillian, it's okay to be angry. Saying no is a sentence. I have... That's one of my favorite phrases.

No is a complete sentence. He also said I was right, which I'm happy about that. Yes, but the good thing is comments go away after the show's over. No, they don't. It's the internet. Nothing ever goes away. I know that Phil is right. Phil is right, and I can just walk away.

Now you've said it out loud, and it's recorded on video and audio. But I think this is where the emotional abuse comes in because I deal with the guilt of what happens if I walk away. Who's going to take care of them? I mean, my dad can barely walk, and my mom, I believe my mom has dementia, and they don't like each other. They live together. They don't like each other, although they'll be like, I love you.

I love you too, blah, blah, blah. So who's going to take care of them? Jesus. blah but um so i who's going to take care of them jesus yes jesus will take care of them but in the physical form jesus okay i don't know i'm not at a place yet where i can walk away and the good thing is i have my sister i have my sisters, Gabriel lives further away than my older sister does. Um, so it's easier for me to reach out to her because she's a little bit closer drive, but, um, we kind of all go through this together. Uh, and sometimes we tag team it like, all right, I'm emotionally spent. It's your turn. And then they get emotionally spent and then

I have to go back in and because of my proximity to them to my parents I have to take care of them um and I was gonna say most days I don't mind but most days I don't want to be there uh sometimes I just don't even want to answer the phone. So sometimes I let the phone ring, and then if they call me right back, then I'll answer because maybe they figured out my cheat. I don't know. They have. Okay. Anyway.

So since we talked about this with a relationship of you recently, I think you're still in the process of terminating it just because you still hang around in the group chat because you don't want to be talked about. But lying, manipulation, gaslighting. Like my frustration in that specific relationship was for years I saw a person who at literally the drop of a hat would demand your full undivided attention. Didn't matter what it was. Didn't matter what it was. Didn't matter if it was, you know, like, and you have to understand for the audience more than you,

because you and I have talked about this, like I am not a person that tells my wife, you can't go out with your friends. You need to stay here and wait on me hand and foot and, you know, fetch my slippers and my bourbon. That's not how this relationship works. First of all, I'm far too independent for that to be your own bourbon although you did walk up to me yesterday when i made a sandwich for lunch and you said um where's yours uh yeah but i was needling you

i was making a joke about you being a sandwich maker but I'm just I'm far too independent for that level of like spousal coddling and if you want to go out with your friends go out with your friends but what I was noticing was that she would call you and regardless of what plans you have with me or our daughter regardless of what we had going on if we were just gonna have a quiet evening that night and just like you know try to get in some family time when she called she expect you to drop everything get in that car with her and go the expectation was there and not just that but it would always be oh we're just going to target three hours later you come home because just go to target for five minutes turn into 15 other things she just wanted your attention but she expected it of you but then

after years and years and years of what I saw being a very one-sided relationship, when you said, this is important to me, I really would appreciate y'all getting involved in this, crickets. And like that kind of goes to the last point that I made. that kind of goes to the last, the last point that I made. But. Yeah. When you,

you know, like we, we kind of, I think we've briefly discussed that whole situation, but like I saw a very one side of relationship. And then when you finally went to express to her what she'd done to hurt your feelings, she basically made it out like it was your fault. Yeah. And that's where. Not basically. basically well but then she gaslighted yeah and became the victim and but she gaslit you then there were other times where you remember how

i'm kind of notorious for telling you that there's three sides to every story there's his hers and what really happened and she manipulated your feelings to make you feel bad for her so that you would bend over backwards to help her through a difficult part of her life by only telling you her side of the story which i'm sure was very carefully manicured to make her look her make her out in the best possible light and her husband out in the worst and you and i've talked about as more and more details came out it was very obvious that she was not innocent in in the in the in the situation she had with her well with her okay and not to harp so much on that that her story because i the last thing I want is for her to have any sort of attention.

Shoot, what was it? Oh, the two people, this person and then another mutual friend of ours, that I just said no more, can't do this anymore, they're not friends with their husbands or ex-husbands or whatever. They were always looking for that trip to Target. They're always looking for that next girls trip and that let's go here, let's go do that, let's go do this together, let's go do that. And I do enjoy just being the girls and having girls trip. I think it's different with your sister because I don't,

I don't get the sense, one, we're family, but two, we've become such good friends that I know that she would rather spend a weekend with her husband than a weekend with me. And that is totally cool because I would rather spend a weekend with my husband than spend it with her. Aw. Stop. But that was not the case with these two.

They were always looking for ways to remove themselves from their household. And I didn't want to do all that. I guess maybe this is where I'm growing spiritually this year, is that I'm trying to listen to my intuition more and listening to the feelings that I get when I'm in certain situations. And I never 100% felt comfortable when I was with them. I always felt like third wheel. I always felt like third wheel.

And a lot of times I felt like there was, well, third wheel. And I never understood that because I had done so much for them, both of them, in their lives to help them out with no, I wasn't looking for anything in return. But I never got anything in return either. You know what I mean? I got the invitation to go out, and I got the let's go hang out kind of thing. But anyway. Well, but they were very one-sided relationships. And then I saw for sure the gaslighting. It was just like, what?

I've never been more clear in my life and i i let a couple of people read the text and i was like what do you think from this without giving any opinions on what happened or how it happened or anything else and they were like um yeah this is you've totally been gaslit with this i don don't remember my exact response, but I'm sure it was something along the lines of, like, delete her text, block her number, F that woman forever. Yeah. Well, I haven't done all of that, but it has been radio silence. I haven't talked to her since January, except for just little, you know.

Profunctory. Yeah, that I have to but anyway so i don't have a problem getting rid of people like that but when it comes to family yeah i mean you and i can agree to disagree about that though i just see and i get i still get the lying manipulation and gaslighting from family too yeah but the line manipulation gaslighting also goes back something i've told you many times like once you once i catch you in one lie i assume you're lying to me for the rest of your life like you can't to to use the phrase honesty is like virginity. Can't get it back once it's gone. Not with me, at least.

Other people, you might be able to win their trust back, but to me, it's like I'm always going to think in the back of my head, now that I know you're capable of lying to me about... Here's the thing. If it's a little white lie, then I'm just going to assume everything that's a little white lie is within your purview to lie about. But if it's a big lie, then I'm just going to assume everything that's a little white lie is, you know, within your purview to lie about. But if it's a big lie, then I'm like, okay, I now have to assume that every time the chips are down and there's pressure and there's emotions and there's shame, you're

going to lie to protect yourself. I can't come back from that. Like you can't have a relationship without that. But I don't think everyone in the audience would identify lying as a form of abuse, but it is because it's manipulating your emotions. It's manipulating your... We've talked about that on this podcast before. But it's manipulating your understanding of the truth and of the world around you and of the facts to get to the end result that person wants. And I put all this together just to kind of like, you know, say like all this is an attempt to twist your emotions. To what end is up to the abuser.

But that's why I consider all this to be abusive behavior. Like no one you're in a relationship with should be lying to you or trying to manipulate you. I agree. And now for the one that I saved for last. Now for the one I saved for last, because I feel like this might be the most pervasive in a lot of cases. Neglect and being ignored. most pervasive in a lot of cases, neglect and being ignored. So let's just say like you and I looking at, looking at the host of different relationships you and I have witnessed,

like we, I feel like you and I have seen a lot of, a lot of marriages, a lot of boyfriend, girlfriends where like they live together, they do things together, but there's no romance. There's no attention, there's no affection. They're roommates. And even to the point where one partner is trying desperately to get the attention or the affection from the other, and the other just doesn't care.

You know what I'm saying? I consider that to be abuse. Yeah. I don't think everyone would call this abuse, though, because there's going to be a lot of people who will, they will attempt to explain this away by saying, well, that person's just stressed, or that person's just tired, or whatever. And I'm like, no, there's a difference between I'm drained,

I can't pour from an empty cup right this moment, and a systematic pattern of I don't care about this person I am cohabitating with. You know, like we live together, I keep a roof over their head, that's as much as I'm required to do. Yeah. You've been very chatty this whole time, and now all of a sudden I got to carry this one by myself. I told you you were going to have to keep this one on the tracks. I agree. I think neglect and being ignored should go up there with mentally emotional abuse,

not necessarily bullying, but mental and emotional, because it's a game. It's all part of that whole mental emotional abuse game. It's I'm going to neglect this person or I'm going to ignore this person, which is kind of the same thing. I think the reason I separated those because to me, mental emotional bullying is, to use the phrase, positive abuse. In other words, it's like I am doing something, whereas neglect being ignored is negative abuse. It'sing something that's the abusive behavior like if i if i

if i am bullying you i am expending effort to directly impact your emotions whereas if i'm neglecting you there's something that should be there attention affection but i'm pulling it back but you're still affecting those emotions but on the flip side of things if if i were to be if i were if in front of witnesses i were to start demeaning you for your your whatever your looks your ability to cook pick something like your intelligence your intelligence okay yeah if i were to start making that's a big one for me. But if I were to start making fun of you about how you're so stupid, you don't know anything, and you can't add one and one together, and you know nothing about biology, and you think you're God's gift to

entomology, but you don't know anything, anyone in the audience would naturally say, that's bullying. But if I sat here next to you, and you were trying to cud cuddle up on me and i just shrug away because i don't want anything to do with you that may not be perceived as bullying so that's why i separated them out yeah i can see that that's why i don't think but that's the reason i separated them out because mental emotional bullying i think is very is easier to identify than neglect and not just neglect. I see that, especially with the thing that you just did when you scooted your chair away.

Excuse me. Definitely neglect is more hidden. I see that a lot with, you know, I talk about how I'm in these mom groups on Facebook, and there's always some woman on there who puts their dirty laundry out there, usually in an anonymous post or whatever. And it talks about the neglect that their husband gives them

and what should they do and how do I make this better and all that stuff. And a lot of the comments are, there was a book that came out in the early 2000s. I think it was the early 2000s of He's Really Not That Into You. He's Really Just Not, or whatever. He's Really Not That Into You. And I read that book because I was dating this guy who he would come and go. Like I might hear from him today, but then I might not hear from him for two more days.

Is this who I think it is? Supposedly he was my boyfriend. Yes. Oh, that one. Who actually just reached out to me again a couple of weeks ago. Crazy. Not crazy. Phil was ready to go break some kneecaps.

No, all I said was, he's being friendly. I know what his game is said was he's being friendly. I know what his game is. If he starts being extra friendly, then I just need a home address. I don't even know what his home address is. But anyway. I can find it. I'm telling y'all.

Phil's going to go to jail because my ex-boyfriend reached out to me. You only go to jail if you get caught. Oh, Lord have mercy. I don't even remember what I was talking about. I got friends. I'll have an alibi. What was I saying. I don't even remember what I was talking about. I got friends. I'll have an alibi. What was I saying? I don't remember.

He would come and go. Oh, no, no, no. These women on Facebook. He's really not that into you. That's why I was reading the book, and that's how I got to him. And so, yeah, so these women would respond with, you know, honey, you need to leave him or whatever. And some of them do say that's a form of abuse. So I guess it is true that you should have taken that out of the mentally emotional bullying.

I think there's a lot of things that fall under these banners that we're not mentioning. I think there's all sorts of forms of abuse that people are becoming more and more aware of. They're given names now, like gaslighting. I don't remember growing up with the term gaslighting, and it wasn't until within the last handful of years that gaslighting became a thing. And so the nomenclature of a lot of these emotions and these things, these forms of abuse that are happening have been happening for whatever, ever since the existence of man.

It's interesting to see, and I think it's becoming, the list is just growing is what I'm trying to say. Like there's just so many little things that you could tick off underneath emotional and mental abuse. Physical abuse, that's, like we said, that's just a given. Pretty easy to spot. Exactly. And then I also think lying, manipulation, and gaslighting falls under mental and emotional abuse. Do you? I had a reason for separating them. Well, I'm not, I'm not suggesting

you didn't have a reason or that it wasn't a good reason. I'm, I'm just saying that those two banners, lying, manipulation, gaslighting, and then neglected being ignored fall under mental and emotional abuse. If you, yeah. If you want to, you want to use mental emotional abuse as like a big heading i was referring more directly to i guess bullying bullying and demeaning and intimidating would also fall under to me mental emotional bullying but i mean see i think bullying falls i know this is not really what um this whole show is about but i think bullying falls underneath the whole it should be with lying manipulation and gaslighting i guess to me it all comes down to intent though because like when i think of bullying i think of bullying as like i'm attempting to i'm attempting to exert power over you i'm attempting to push you down so that i'm more powerful whereas line manipulation gaslighting is usually being done

from a position of supposed equals like i'm not trying to intimidate you into doing what i want i'm trying to make you think it's your idea yeah if that makes sense uh more oh excuse me more that person becoming the the victim exactly that was the next thing i was about to say would be a person who's playing the victim they're trying to manipulate you and feeling sorry for them so you'll do what they want. Yeah. But it's still, it's a very different activity from bullying, which is, I am big and strong. You're weak. You're going to do what I want versus I am weak. You should feel sorry for me. Do what I want you to. But as far as like neglect being ignored, I mean, this isn't a, I feel feel like i don't feel like this

is a new thing because i mean for a lot of years this was grounds for divorce like if if in a marriage one party or the other was i'm struggling to remember what the actual term for it was it was alienation of affection that's what it was alienation of affection was literally grounds for divorce for a long long time legal term i think on divorce papers yes that's right but but nowadays with no fault divorce you don't have to have a reason you just say i feel like leveling yeah we just went our separate ways yeah but for a long time like that was grounds for divorce if if one party was not being like just kind to the other but i guess i mean i wanted to like put this in its own little box because we've talked about this in terms of spouses but this is also really really big between

parent and child where there's and here's the thing of it it doesn't even have to be neglect of physical well-being like i don't if i if i feed my kid clothe my kid give him a bed to sleep in their physical needs are met but if i'm not making but if i am if they feel frightened in my home because i'm always running around screaming and yelling and throwing stuff, then that's, they're still being abused. If they come to me and they've had a bad day and they just need a hug and I say, I'm not a hugger, that's, you're neglecting them. Like, yeah, like I get that again. That's why I wanted to put this in here and kind of wrap up with it because like, I see, I see if a person, if a person is intentionally not meeting the needs of someone

that they should be I consider that to be neglect and I consider that to be abusive behavior especially if you use neglect like a weapon you know what I'm saying like I'm going to neglect you until I was saying it

and then I thought about it because you know how you and I talked about like when Because you know how you and I have talked about when it comes to parenting, there are kids who will do stuff specifically to get attention. They'll act up to get attention. The children? Yes. Absolutely. I see it every day.

And I've said time and time again, the way to short circuit that is just to ignore them. Stop giving them attention if they misbehave. Time out. There's one kid in my mind um who every time he gets dropped off in the morning um mom is on the phone doesn't say goodbye doesn't say i love you just the poor baby gets out of the car and he's young he's he's I think he's going into kindergarten um he was also he's also very hard to manage uh because any attention is attention to him uh and so one of the things that I started to do in my class when he would come into my class was I would joke with him and I would say

you know not even just joke with him, but first to start off with like high fives, you know, Hey, give me a high five today. I'm so proud of your behavior. You, you did so great today with the Legos and, um, you know, just all these like reinforcements and in his positive behavior when he showed it. And then when this negative behavior came around, I would, um, you know, I would talk to him about it and continue to give him that attention. But, you know, tell him how much that this behavior is not, first, it's not necessary. You don't have to act like this because Mr. Abilay has already, you know, I'm already showing you a lot of attention. You don't have to do this. So there's a lot of like breaking that,

but it's not going to be broken because then he gets picked up and goes home and then it's still there. And he has to then revert back to any attention is good attention. And then he comes back to school the next day and we're breaking the cycle again for the day. And then he goes home, you know, and poor baby, he's already in such an emotional mess. I can't imagine what it's going to be when he grows up. But I try to do my part as a teacher who sees him for the seven hours that I do to show him that you can act, you know, your actions get attention. Even the good attention. You can get good attention.

Positive attention to preempt his negative behavior, in other words. Yeah. Okay. And it works. Let me draw a comparison. Oh, boy. Because I guarantee you've seen or heard of this happening at least once. Uh-huh.

Two spouses, right? Uh-huh. One spouse says, I don't want to show the other affection because they do this, that, and the other. To the spouse or to the kid? To the spouse. To the spouse. Spouse to spouse. Okay.

I don't want to show affection because they do this, that, or the other, and I'm not going to show affection until their behavior changes. Didn't we just talk about this? We did, and it happens all the time. But in the example you just gave, you have to show positive attention to get positive movement in their behavior so what would you say to those spouses because there's literally hundreds of thousands of those couples out there in the world and if you try to sell what you just did the spouse who's

withholding attention because they disapprove of the heiress behavior is going to laugh at you all right i don't know i i think well gosh i as a oh i don't know i think um i stumped her well you didn't stump me so much it's just words are hard um so i guess yeah you just just stumped me on the words level i still see that person who's neglecting that you know not i'm not giving you this i'm not giving you my attention for this because of this behavior that other person is just like this child there any any attention is good attention even if it's the attention of negative attention from my spouse. I'm still looking for that attention. So acting out, doing things or whatever, they're still looking for that attention.

I don't know. I also think that when you're dealing with adults and then you're dealing with children who with children uh no because adults can have big emotions too but kids don't understand their emotions and so it's it's you don't agree with that well no i don't i agree with it i don't i don't think most adults know how to deal with their emotions either okay but that's i guess that's where these words are hard. You're comparing an adult relationship to a five-year-old who all they know is that the adults are supposed to be there for them, especially their parents. Children are born knowing these are my parents. My parents should love me. My parents should my parents. My parents should love me. My parents should feed me.

My parents should hold me and care for me. I mean, there's a whole syndrome of babies who are born who don't get enough love and are held, and they die. They die. They have volunteers that go into hospitals just to hold and rock babies because they have failure to thrive. And it's because they don't feel the connection with another human being. So you're asking me to compare this five-year-old child and the fact that he cannot control the adults in his life.

And so he acts and reacts the way that he does because he doesn't know any different. He knows that if I do this, I get this. If I do this, I get this. If I do this, I don't get any of this, you know. And so as a five-year-old, he's going to just, he's just going to be and he's going to express these big emotions because that's all he knows to do the adults know what manipulation is they know how to change a subject they know how to or manipulate a a person and and they know how to manipulate a situation. And so over here, the five-year-old, maybe he's learning how to do that. He's learning how to manipulate his situations. But I don't have, there's no excuse for an adult to be like that.

Okay. But I feel like you were looking at this from the perspective of the neglected. I was talking about from the perspective of the neglector. Okay, what are you asking? What should the neglector do? Words are hard. No, no. Am I just not getting it?

You're not getting it. Okay. That happens. No, I mean, I don't disagree with you. with you i guess my point was like you know there's a there's a bunch of couples out there that are one at one party is intentionally withholding like affection from the other for whatever reason some some perceived slight some neglect some whatever okay and will not will not stop withholding affection until the other person changes their behavior. Okay.

And in the example you gave, showing affection might actually improve the behavior. Instead of saying, I'm not changing until they do, saying, I'm going to give ground and hope that they can too. And we come back to the get to the middle. Because at least when it where spouses are concerned, like, my perspective. We do that. Sorry. We do.

You don't think we do that? I totally. My train of thought went. Okay. I'm sorry. But as a married couple, we used to fight one way. And I learned as a child that when your spouse pisses you off, you hold a grudge for days at a time and you don't speak and you don't do all this.

And then, you know, then finally you have this explosive argument. And then for us, everything was fine again. Well, I didn't want to have any more explosive arguments. Well, I didn't want to have any more explosive arguments. And so what that meant was I had to extend an olive branch or you had to extend an olive branch, which was all I needed or all you needed for us to come together in a non-explosive way and work through our problems. I think that is an example of what you're talking about. Yeah. Okay. See, I do understand and I can work with words. Yes? Yes. I'm trying to remember where I was going. I'm sorry. I interrupted. Tree went into the woods. The tree went into the woods? The tree went into

the woods. I don't know. I'm sorry. The train into the woods the the train had one job you had one job keep this on track yes but you were supposed to help me keep it on track me okay not i can't i can't keep this on track uh-oh what did i do you click something i didn't i rolled over something i was trying to get to the comments while you think about your train and the tracks. Anyway. But I guess just to wrap that up, then we'll talk about some of the comments. There was a lot of back and forth between Guy, the comments, and Joe. Okay. But, like, to me, I feel like neglect is a form of abuse.

I feel like a lot of people, but I feel like a lot of people would debate whether it's a form of abuse i feel like a lot of people but i feel like a lot of people would debate whether it's a form of abuse and i feel like a lot of abusers that are abusing using neglect would probably justify it you know i'm saying like they would be the ones say well they did this so i'm doing this in in exchange and i'm like okay so that person upsets you so you're abusing them in return like that just i don't know i i don't know how to like to me this is very clear that especially in relationships where you have a reasonable expectation of some kind of like affection even if it's not like you know know, marital affection, but just like affection between friends. You have a reasonable expectation that if you have a very, very close, arguably your best friend, that they would care about what's going on in your life. They would check in with you.

They would ask you, hey, how are you doing? Hey, are you stressed out? Hey, what's going on? you hey how are you doing hey are you stressed out hey what's going on and when they don't the absence of that affection and care is neglect and i think that maybe that in the in the in terms of like friendships may not rise the level of abuse but at what point but i don't think that's abuse for friendship but at what point does it because when it's when it's parent to child and you neglect the child emotionally that's a hundred percent abuse and Because when it's parent to child and you neglect the child emotionally, that's 100% abuse. And also when it's spouse to spouse, 100%. When one spouse neglects the other, that's abuse. That's why I'm saying it's easier for me to discard a friendship like that

than it is for me to discard a family member that is showing those types of abuse. I can't say that I'm the best person to be a friend with. I retreat into myself. There are days, weeks, that I just don't talk to people. I even started a friendship telling someone that, and I don't know, they didn't quite, I guess, understand my... They didn't understand the assignment? They didn't understand that it's nothing personal. It's not you. It's really me because there are

times where I have to just retreat into myself. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to be me. I want to be with my husband. I want to be with my child in my house because it's safe. And that can happen for weeks. This friendship that I'm referring to, not this one, but the one that we talked about earlier, I would do that. And I think for the most part, they understood and they saw that. So there were times when I would neglect, but then I felt like I would also be there when I needed to be there, even though I didn't want to be there. Anyway, I think friendship, at least to me,

maybe not to everybody out there listening or whatever, but a friendship is easier to disregard, to get rid of, than it would be for family. It's the same for you. I think both of those things are the same for you. It's not hard to get rid of people in your life. It's hard for me to get rid of people in my life. I won't even remove myself from the group chat. Yeah. And, I mean, I don't want anybody to misunderstand, like don't take, I'm capable of cutting a person off to mean that like the relationship I cut off meant nothing to me. It's just the fact that like,

I know myself well enough to know that I do having a person in my life that is in any way abusive towards me, it harms me emotionally. It drags me down so far and so fast. I don't know that I would say depression, but it's something close to that. And because I have the personality I do, I can't stay in that state. I will just, the longer I'm in that state, the worse it gets.

I have to be able to like remove myself from that situation, from that person and get myself back to somewhat neutral. So for that reason, it's, to me, it's a self-defense mechanism. When I encounter an abusive person,

I'm like, I can't be around you. I mean, I had a relationship with a co-worker who I would, and I don't know what's going on in her personal life or what that situation was. I don't know. All I know is that there were times when I felt bullied. Yeah. And I couldn't remove myself from the situation easily, but I did, I did my best to like, you know, we worked on separate things. We didn't collaborate very much. We,

we stayed out of each other's way. And that was like the best way I could find to, because I had no ability to remove myself from the situation, but I did everything humanly possible to minimize our contact together so that I didn't have to be, you know, bullied. But you could see it on a day when she had gotten to me. Yeah. And you would come home and it'd be like there was a cloud hanging over the house because I was just, I was, it was not a situation I could live in. Yeah.

And I see that as somewhat the way you do where there are family members like you can't, you haven't been able to cut them off, but you have gotten much better over the years about shortening up the apron strings and saying, I know that being around this person is uncomfortable. I know it's bad for my mental health. So I'm going to limit how much of that person's attention or how much of my attention I give to that person. Yeah. You have, I guess to me, like as we wrap up the topic of abuse, you know, I personally, and I know that this is not going to be a popular sentiment with everybody, but I personally believe that like you have, if you have the ability to end an abusive relationship, you should. Period. End discussion.

I don't care if it's spouses. I don't care if it's kids abusing parents. I don't care if it's parents abusing kids. If you have the ability to end the relationship, I would. Not everybody will. I do think that if you don't have the ability to end the abusive relationship, then you're in the situation you're in, where you have to do everything humanly possible to minimize the damage. Just for your own... When you say abusive,

I start thinking about spouses. So would you end a relationship if your spouse is giving you, like, neglecting you? I think that's reasonable, don't you? You don't think that you could work through that? Can it be? Okay. But in order for it to be worked through, the spouse that's neglecting would have to be willing to stop, stop neglecting, stop abusing. It's, it, to me. I think you have to get down to the bottom of why are you doing that? What is, what is fueling your, your thought of, What is fueling your thought of, I have to neglect this person? Is it just to be an asshole and neglect that person? Is it neglect because you don't love that person?

Then yes, you need to leave the relationship. I'm about to throw the biggest wrench into your argument. I think I just threw my own wrench, but go ahead. Let's take this out of the guise of neglect and put this in the guise of physical abuse. I love him, but every now and then he gets mad and he hits me. But he loves me. But he's still an abuser. Okay. Yeah.

That's the wrench that I threw into my own plans you shoved that i just had to think through it that's all so what gillian just did and i saw it in her eyes was she she was riding down the street on her bike took the stick and poked it into the spokes did i flip i probably flipped it i was like oh there yeah there it is but like i said i do draw a distinction that neglect is not neglect is not your cup is empty. There's nothing to pour. You know what I'm saying? There are moments in time where we're all so emotionally drained or whatever.

There's just nothing to pour out of the cup. But there's a difference between there's nothing to pour out of the cup and there's something that could be poured out of the cup. I'm just choosing not to. And again, a lot of times people will, they'll justify that. They'll say, well, they want affection, but I want to read a book. They want affection, but I want to go out with my friends. They want affection, but I want to go golfing with my friends. Or I want to go on a boys trip. Or I want to do this. And it's like, but you have someone else in this relationship who's asking something of you who has a need that's not being met

who has a love language that's not being attended to since we talked about that last week or was the week before it was weeks ago whatever the shows blend together sometimes well because we talk about the same things but we haven't I hate it when she does that

well I think we do. But in any case, to me, neglect, this is why I saved her for last, because I felt like this was going to be the one that is sometimes the hardest to pin down, because a lot of times, even people that are not party to the neglect, they're going to justify it. But I don't think there's a justification for it i mean if my daughter how many times have i love my child dearly how many times how many times has she come home from school having a complete meltdown about some drop some some teenage girl drama that happened at school and regardless of how bad of a day I've had, I will sit there and listen to her for 15 minutes as she cooks it off.

Because she has an emotional need, and she doesn't need me to do anything other than sit there and listen and let her get it out and say, That sucks, hon. I'm sorry you went through that. But if I continually... Now, it'd be one thing if I said, honey, I'm working. You got to give me a minute to get off this phone call. Or, you know, like, honey.

Mainly because that doesn't happen all the time. No. But that's my point. If it was an occasional, sorry, hon, you got to give me a minute. Can we talk about this in a little bit? That'd be one thing. But if it was a pattern of, that's just teenage girl drama.

I don't give a shit. Deal with it on your own. That is neglect. So that's, and my daughter, I'm her father. She has a reasonable expectation that if she is dealing with something emotionally,

even if it's just upset and she needs to express it, that I'm going to hear her out. Yeah. She has a reasonable expectation of that. So that's, could we do neglect as its own hour-long topic? I feel like we could. Good.

Anyway. But we're not. But we're not. But neglect is, I feel like, who live in abusive relationships that are based around neglect. And people around them may not see it. They may not see it themselves. But they feel that something isn't right. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. So, we've spent an hour and 15 minutes talking about abuse and I would, I would hope that this has given everyone some, some food for thought because like, if you're in an abusive relationship, no matter what form of relationship it is, I think you need to, I think you need to pay attention to that and do what you have to do to guard yourself. And if any of the things we've talked about turn on your light bulb and you thought to yourself, like I have a friend, a neighbor, a brother, a sister, a parent, or whatever, and I'm seeing these things, then they might be stuck in an abusive relationship and they may not even see it.

And you might be able to intercede on their behalf or if nothing else just talk to them about it but the only thing i will caution people of personally is that you know very often abusers will justify their behavior victims of abuse are often either like they they either they feel shame that they can point to and say i definitely feel ashamed of this or they feel shame but they don't know how to put into words they feel that they're sometimes they feel that they they somehow they deserve it like he hit me because i didn't have dinner on the table when he got home you know that's that old that old axiom but i would just caution people

that like, if you're dealing with, if you're dealing with abuse of someone close to you, wade into it carefully because there are, there are a ton of emotions and the longer it's been going on,

the harder it is to crack that nut open. Agreed. And quit abusing each other. just stop being assholes to each other easier said than done i think phil i know i know i know yeah one last look at the comments oh stewart just asked is promising boiled peanuts and not sending them to Clark? Yes, it is. And I'm sorry. I will find you some boiled peanuts.

If you get the boiled peanuts, I owe him some ground coffee. We'll send a care package because we care for you. I'll even send it back in the same box you just sent me. And we'll stop neglecting you. I'm sorry. I'll find some boiled peanuts somewhere, yes. I can't believe you live in Texas and you've never had boiled peanuts, but we'll find boiled peanuts and send him coffee and love.

Maybe some bullets. I don't know. Throw something in. All right, guys. Well, y'all for listening today and we hope you have a great rest of your weekend and your sunday and have a great week and hunker down if you're in texas it's probably not going to be too bad knock on wood hopefully it's not for you so i mean if you're in texas you might want to keep an axe in the attic or a life raft handy. It's a cat one. It's going to rain a lot, though.

Well, that's true. And Houston is a bowl built on top of a swamp. True. All right. Well, we'll see you all next week. And guess what? We already have a topic. How about that?

It's crazy. All right, guys. Have a great rest of your weekend, and we'll see you all soon. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.