The Prepper Broadcasting Network - Raising Values: Generational Curses

Episode Date: September 22, 2024

https://www.facebook.com/RaisingValuesPodcast/www.pbnfamily.comhttps://www.instagram.com/raisingvaluespodcast/http://www.mofpodcast.com/www.prepperbroadcasting.comhttps://rumble.com/user/Mofpodcastwww.youtube.com/user/philrabSupport the showMerch at: https://southerngalscrafts.myshopify.com/Shop at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2ora9riPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/mofpodcastGenerational curses is an oft talked about phenomena where certain behaviors or personalities are passed from parent to child, either via their environment or by direct instruction. Sometimes, as child transitions to adulthood and eventually parent themselves, we naturally reevaluate how we were raised, and in the spirit of wanting the best for our kids we decide what to continue, and what to leave in the past. Be it outright abuse, neglect, or simply trying to prevent our children from repeating our mistakes, breaking generational curses is one of the most difficult parts of growing up, and by extension parenting.Raising Values Podcast is live-streaming our podcast on our YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Rumble. See the links above, join in the live chat, and see the faces behind the voices.family, traditional, values, christian, spiritual, marriage, dating, relationship, children, growing up, peace, wisdom, self improvement, masculinity, feminity, masculine, feminine

Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Bill and Gillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. welcome back to raising values good morning everybody or good day or good evening or whatever i remember when we're listening to this i remember when we first started doing this episode it was always like the last second who's going to actually intro and now we we've fallen into this interesting little routine where I say, welcome back. And you say, good morning.

And then we just go. Totally by accident. Maybe the awkwardness has worn off. No, we're still awkward. I said that and I was like, no, the awkwardness is still there. But good morning. It is, it's been a crazy week for us so and i'm still not feeling 100 i was i started feeling bad last sunday and i kind of mentioned that during the

show and then i just went downhill from there and i'm still not i'm still not feeling 100 so and francine the wind and everything from francine is probably responsible for a lot of my congestion. It probably didn't help yours either. Mine's from booger eaters at school. Oh, booger eaters. Booger eaters. That's what my sickness is from. Actually, I know this doesn't have anything to do with the podcast, but this week, anything that I could sanitize and soak in Lysol, I did.

I had buckets up by my sink in my classroom just full of manipulatives that the kids play with. One reason is because literally I'm sitting there and I have my four-year-old class in there. And he's got the bucket of, they call them plus blocks or whatever. It doesn't matter. And he sneezes twice into the bucket. And I'm just like, oh, God. Hence why I don't feel very good. Actually, I've done pretty good. So when I started, when I started back at school,

I remember being sick from like mid August all the way through February. I remember going to prepper camp and being very sick that year. Was that the year that you and I both went to prepper camp with a sinus infection? Yeah. I don't know if you had it. Oh, I guess you did. But I can remember walking down to, there's a lady there who, she teaches a class. It's kind of like a medicinal apothecary herbal remedy kind of booth that she runs. And I was hitting her up every day. I was hitting her up every day. I was like, what else do you have? What else do you have?

I've got to feel better. I can't be here and feel like crap. Well, turns out I had COVID that year. So anyway, booger eaters and everything has been sanitized in my classroom that I can sanitize. Anyway, to today's podcast, because that was what you woke up to listen to today, was why Gillian is sick. We are talking about generational curses and breaking generational curses. And I asked Phil, morning, Joe. I asked Phil if he had any banners or what he was going to talk about,

if he had any banners or what he was going to talk about because this came from his list of ideas of topics, which is fine. We have that list. She won't take credit for it, but I'm pretty sure this was a topic she told me to put on the list, but now she doesn't remember doing that. Time out. I know this is bad,

but I forgot to turn off the coffee pot, and there's no coffee in the pot. My bad. I'm back. Yeah. So generational curses and, and all that stuff. So I asked Phil,

I was like, did you put any banners up there? And I actually did some research and all that. And I know that I talk about generational curses a lot on this podcast. And this has been good therapy for me. Eddie, when you listen, I'm serious when I commented, I needed a therapist. So, you know, hit me up, you've got my number. I probably could use a therapist. We all could. I think therapy is, I think therapy is something that used to be

Um, I think therapy is something that used to be, um, taboo when you went to therapy. Like, why are you seeing a therapist? Why do you need to see a therapist? Um, and I, uh, maybe this is, maybe this will have something to tie into this episode, but I can remember my parents putting all of us, me and my sisters, in therapy at a very young age, very, very young age. I don't know why we were in there from a very young age. I don't know what, like, I can't remember, like, what was happening or what. I don't know. I just remember seeing a lot of therapists when I was a kid. And some of them were a little, a little strange. We actually had, um, one therapist during a family session that got up and said, I can't help you and walked out. Um,

if that, that needs to be a show. If my sister were listening, she'd be like, yeah, I remember that. I hope. Um, but yeah, he, he literally, no, she, it she it was a girl she she sat up in the session we're all sitting around and she sets up with her notepad and she goes i honestly don't think i can help you i don't think i can help y'all as a family and walked out of the room and we're all sitting there going what the hell just happened where that fucked up i heard this story before we got married and that that should have been a sign that should have been your sign you should have walked away but no you married for love i married the least crazy one in your family by a wide margin maybe so um i think though that that does kind of tie into the generational curses. But time out before we do all of that.

We totally miss doing all of the admin work, all of the things that we should be doing. I do have banners for the admin work. Okay. Well, see, I asked if you had banners. But that wasn't banners for the episode. That's okay. I'm glad you have that because we almost forgot.

So merch is out. The link's in the show description. It's from the Southern Gals. Yeah. so um one thing that we did get wow we're so not prepared for today's show because what i wanted to show you is in the kitchen and i'm not gonna get up again to go run to the kitchen and get them but um you can go to um southernals Crafts. No? Yeah? Okay. Always mess that up.

I'm sorry, Tiffany. The link's in the show description. The link's in the show description for merch. So, like, if you want T-shirts, if you want coffee cups, if you want whatever, koozies, whatever. It's all there. So you can go do that. And it's all on the same page, Raising Values. As a matter of fact, it's all on the same page.

I would love if you're going to Prepper Camp, I would love to see our shirts out at Prepper Camp. I know a couple of people have bought things that they're going to wear to Prepper Camp. I'll be wearing our merchandise throughout the whole time. The other thing that I wanted to mention, and I put this in our signal chat for patrons, is that we got stickers printed. And so we'll be sending y'all your stickers. You know, we did at one point, we did the patches, the MOF patches. We don't have a patch for raising values. I don't know if we're going to do that. But we do have stickers that were printed up. So we'll send you stickers. And then the rest of

those stickers will be handed out at Prepper Camp. So if you are going to be at Prepper Camp, be sure to stop by our booth and grab some of the stickers, and you can also sign up. I do have this one. You can also sign up for a giveaway at Prepper Camp. Oh, let me cover that. You can't scan that. Sign up for a giveaway at Prepper Camp, and you'll get a shirt if you win. Yeah. Okay. That's the merch. And then the Signal Chats, I kind of just spoke on that. We do have a Matter of Facts patron Signal Chat.

That's been going on for years. It's always a fun time in there. It gets a little out of hand. It's so fun that I've muted it. So if you want to talk to me and you're in the matter of fact signal chat you have to actually at me so that i'll see the notification or scoot over to the raising value signal chat which is a little bit yes some more sedate yes so yeah so we do have a raising value signal chat which doesn't talk about so much prepping guns and politics, but more things that we talk about on this show. And that's thanks to one of our listeners that said, why don't we have a Raising Values Signal chat?

And then it was created. So, yeah, thanks for that. All right. So there's that. So getting back to today's topic at hand, generational curses. So one of the things that I, so I took some notes because my brain, you know, what is a curse? All right. Ready? There's two ways to look at a curse, the biblical or the pagan way of viewing a curse, which is a curse or a hex that's placed on a family from an outside person or an entity. And you can believe that or you can't, it doesn't matter, whatever your

religious or spiritual ways of thinking or beliefs are. And then what I think we're going to really be talking about today is family traditions passed down through the generations that are harmful habits that define your life. So I think that's really what we're talking about. So those are the two types of curses. I know when I was kind of researching generational curses, a lot of the biblical things started coming up. And then I think that's not really a road we want to go down today, but it is something to think about, too. If you're in that mindset of, you know, you always say, well, you have rabble-y luck. You tell me, well, now you have rabble-y luck. I say that very jokingly.

I know. I know you don't mean like some druidid thousand years ago placed a hex on your family. So I'm going to attribute this to my father having said this first. And if he doesn't remember saying it to me, I distinctly remember it coming from somebody. But I can distinctly remember growing up and hearing, oh, yeah, you know, we have Rabelais luck. It's bad or none. Yeah. Which was just always a way of saying, like, you know, like, it always seems like if something's left to chance, it's not going to go our way. Which was also kind of a life lesson of don't leave things to chance because it's not going to turn out the way you want it to.

Yeah. Right. So, anyway, so we're going to talk about family traditions that are passed down through generations that can be viewed as curses. And so my next thing was, well, what are considered family or traditional curses? And then I think, well, I have a list of seven, but I think you can really, any sort of behavior or tradition or mindset that is negative, anything that doesn't push you forward, doesn't raise you up, doesn't, you know, it keeps you bogged down. It keeps the family bogged down. I think that's something that you can consider a generational curse. You could even look at it health-wise, things that, you know,

if your parents smoked and now you smoke and so your kids are going to start smoking and none of y'all are going to have the best health, you know, that could be a generational curse. I sound like a smoker today. Poor eating habits leading to obesity. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I have that. I have, I have, well, okay. You talk about yours. Poor eating habits. Should I just see myself out? No, no, no. But I did some research. Go ahead. Poor eating habits. Well, like if you have poor eating habits and it causes you to be obese and you pass those to your

child and then they're obese because like there is no, I understand that's 2024 and it's fat shaming and all this other nonsense. But you cannot argue about the horrible health effects people suffer from being morbidly obese and having tremendously high blood sugar. You can't argue against that. I'll die on that hill. No, no. I don't think anybody's arguing that point with you. Somebody in the internet will. Somebody will out there.

Yeah, so poor eating habits. I think that kind of goes into one of the ones that I had on here. Making or allowing. Wait. Allowing or making excuses for people's bad behavior and poor decisions. Oh, no, no, no. That wasn't it. Working too hard or not working at all and depending on others or the government to get by.

I think that one kind of fits into that. Because I have heard this before from women. I've heard it from girls I went to high school with and when I was working at Audubon. I'm really sorry about the coughing, guys. There was a couple of things that happened. One, I have heard girls say they were going to continue to have babies so that they could stay on welfare and get more money for food stamps, which, by the way, food stamps aren't paying for food. It's actually paying for, well, things that are considered real food. It's not real food. Food stamps only pay for the nasty,

that keep you sick food. It's not really going to, yeah, anyway, I won't go down that rabbit hole. And then the other one was to lie on different forms or whatever to get more money so that the government would continue to hand that money out to them. And a lot of times you would hear that when we had storms come through and you could apply for FEMA assistance and things like that. I know when, was it, it wasn't Katrina. It was another really bad storm that came through. I can't remember which one, but it also devastated the city. And I can remember sitting. Pusov, maybe?

I don't remember which one it was, but I remember sitting in the lunchroom, the break room or whatever, sitting in the lunchroom, the break room or whatever, and listening to all these women, all these girls talk about how they're saying that they did this or something, this happened to their house, or we flooded here, or now they have six people living in their house when really they don't have anything that happened to their house and they don't have anyone living there, but they're filling out the forms in such a way that now they're going to get the assistance, But they're filling out the forms in such a way that now they're going to get the assistance, that money from them, from the government to help them out. And so I, sure, someone can just be like, oh, they figured out a way to cheat the system on their own. But I would wonder how often that has happened in their family that it's just been passed down like this is what you do. You tell the government

that you have this problem or you tell so-and-so that you have this problem. It's an easy way out and you just do it. And so the other thing that I wanted to, well, I'll wait for that. So anyway, so working too hard or not working at all, depending on the government, to get by. Joe had something to say. That's what I was trying to point out to you. I know. Sounds like my ex-wife. And how about lie to the judge to get more child support?

But I think the problem there is just this prevailing. You talk. I've got to go get some water. I'm sorry. I think the problem there is like this prevailing trend that it's okay to lie to get what you want or get what you need. The generational curse, whether it's levied at government or the courts or whatever else, the generational curse is teaching dishonesty. Which, coming from a household where that is not tolerated, it's troubling to me. The audience is going to have to bear with us. We have an 80-year-old smoker in the house.

I can't stop coughing. Okay, back for the second time. I'm going to put an old lady mint in my mouth. Back to Joe's comment, lie to the judge about getting more child support. I think, yes, that could be a family generational curse. I think that's just a generational curse, period. I think women have been told that it's okay to do that, that you should do that, and that it's the man's problem because that's why you're doing it. You know, that's the man's fault. You tell that judge whatever you need to say to get your children away from that man,

get the money from that man. Women have been conditioned to do that. So not only is it a family generational curse of doing that, that's just societal curse. And it's sad and it shouldn't happen. And judges should wake up to that. That pisses me off more than anything. I had a friend who went through a divorce and the amount of excitement that she had about taking her husband to the cleaners and what she was going to end up with and how much of a millionaire she was going to be

because she was going to take his retirement and all that stuff. It was one of the reasons why I stopped being friends with her. So, yeah, I'm sorry. You got me on my high horse about that so other things that um other things that i saw divorce or relationships um or partnerships i think you probably have the statistic buried in your head somewhere that if your parents are divorced you are more likely to get divorced. I don't recall the percentage off the top of my head, but yeah, that trend holds true,

is that if your parents divorce, the likelihood that you will divorce your spouse goes up many orders of magnitude higher. Yeah. Like, not only that, but like the children of divorced couples or couples that never married are many times more likely not just to get divorced, but to never rise above lower middle class economic status. They're at a much higher likelihood of going to prison. They're at a much higher likelihood of out of wedlock births. There's like this whole host of societal bad that comes along with your parents either divorcing or not being married. The fact that the family structure has been disrupted for the child, it causes all those things to go through the ceiling.

Now, none of that's to say that, you know, you should stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of the kids. I'm just putting that out there that, like, you cannot beat the statistics involved here. So I think I've always stated that with regards to divorce, like, we should probably apply pressure in the opposite direction like we used to back in the day where people were expected to kind of work it out, you know, for the sake of the family. If a husband was being a jerk, somebody came and straightened the husband out.

Usually the family of the wife would come over and be like, hey, why are you beating on my sister? Why are you beating on my daughter? Did you think that happened? From having heard stories where this has happened, where family has shown up on a man's doorstep and said, hey, why does my sister have a busted lip? Yes, I can tell you 100% this used to happen.

But I also think that as family bonds have been separated, as people have become more private, more secular, the bonds of community aren't there that used to enforce that kind of behavior. And it worked the other way too, because if you had a woman who was running around on a man, you better believe that woman's mother would come by and be like, why are you risking your marriage acting like this? I don't know if that happened too much. I don't know.

Depends on what time period we're talking about. Well, yeah, that's what I'm thinking. If we're talking about when you and I grew up, no. If we're talking about early 20th century, late 19th century, 110% it did. Because there are anecdotes. That's what I was thinking, but I don't know. Really, a lot of that fell apart in the early 20s. It started falling apart in the early 20th century when you get into the roaring 20s and that time period.

But prior to that, I mean, there are literally stories, again, anecdotal. So it's like every one of them is a survey size of one. But when they add up, it turns into more than a survey size of one. Where like if you had a person who was the town drunk who beat his wife and kids, his boss wouldn't want him to come to work stinking a beer after beating his kids up and his wife. So it was one of those things where like the entire community said, if you're going to behave like this, we don't want him to come to work stinking a beer after beating his kids up and his wife. So it was one of those things where the entire community said, if you're going to behave like this, we don't want you around. You wouldn't be welcome with your neighbors.

And back then, because the social safety net wasn't as developed as it is now, you had to have the goodwill of your community to survive. Yeah, I totally agree with you. to survive. Yeah, I totally agree with you. I've also noticed that women will, daughters will, a lot of times find a man that makes them think of their father, you know, not like in that context, but the, I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Like they, they find a man that reminds them of who their father was or that, that figure in their, in their life. whatever, a lot of times they're going to find or, you know, they're going to fall down that rabbit hole back to a man like that. It's hard to, it's hard to find someone, I don't want to say out of your position. That's not, that's not the right way to say that, but. Well, no, but it's like you and I, it's like you and I've talked in similar respects, like parents become models for children.

So like Piper's model for what does a wife behave like is you. Her model for a mother is you. Her model for husband and father is me. Her model for a marriage is our marriage. And so whatever we show her is going to become her model for what's normal. And that's why generational curses tend to prevail. And that's why young girls end up looking for men that have traits in common with their father. And young boys look for traits in common with their mother because that's their built-in model.

That's who my father married that i i need there it may not be i i'm looking for a carbon copy but there's some criteria or trait in that list that they're looking for and they got that from modeling it on their mother that's what i was trying to say that's that's very i don't know i mean like if you study this kind of thing from psychological sociological perspective which i do because i'm just a nerd that's pretty well baked in but for that reason like you said if you if you do come from a household where mother and or father were neglected neglectful or abusive that is also baked into your model and sometimes you can see it for what it is and break free from it. And sometimes you never do because that's your, that's your model. Um, the other one that I had or another one that I have is handling money,

money handling. Oh God. And that one is definitely, um, relevant to us, the two of us. um, relevant to us, the two of us. And it was noticeable at the very beginning of our relationship is how to handle money. Can I tell that story without you getting upset? You've told it three or four times already. Okay.

Go for it. Tell the story. Well, that like I recognized very early on that, like we were obviously not taught the same method of managing money, which is a polite way of saying you were not taught. I love that. But it came to a head because at the time, you and I have always maintained separate accounts. We've always kind of subdivided the bills roughly in proportion to how much the two of us make.

bills roughly in proportion to how much the two of us make. And it's always been kind of an effort to say, okay, look, you want your independence, you want to spend your money your way on what you prioritize, but we have to split the bills so that we're each carrying part of this load. And we've always done that. And at the time when we were living in the apartment, you paid the mortgage or you paid the rent. And I paid several of the other bills. It was split roughly. As a matter of fact, back then you made more than I did for a lot of years because I was still in college. But I remember you came to me, had in hand one day and said, I cannot pay the mortgage. I can't pay the rent. Like, I don't remember how short you were. I don't remember why. It doesn't matter. But you hadn't kept track of how much you had and you were short. You could not pay the rent.

And I just looked at you and said, I got the rent. I'll take care of it this month, but we need to figure out how this happened so it doesn't happen again. And I remember how aggravated you were that I was just very nonchalant. I was like, yeah, I've got an extra $800 to drop on the rent. No problem. And you could not rationalize how I had paid all the other bills and had money for that. I don't think that was why I was upset. Oh, that was my perspective of why you were upset. Why were you upset? I don't know. I guess I just figured that this was going to be a big blowout because money was always the point of contention and remains the

point of contention for my parents. And so coming to you hat in hand saying I couldn't pay the rent that month. You were already like, I was already like bracing for a blow up a huge, a huge blow up. It's like, okay, this makes no sense. I know it makes no sense. Relationships rarely do. No. You know how I get all, like, not upset, but I get all just kind of like frustrated at you because on the weekends you're running around here doing chores? I have yet to have it explained to me

how you having a hardworking, industrious husband who busts his butt for his family is annoying to you. You have never managed to explain this to me properly, and maybe with the audience watching. I know that it doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense why it should. Well, it upsets me because it makes me feel like I should be doing more. Do you want to go change the dip foil in the truck while I work on the lawn? No, but I'll work on the lawn while you do the dip foil i don't mind mowing the yard but i know that it's a man thing anything anyway um money was always a point of contention that was what the fights in our house was mostly over money because my mom would spend, my dad would want to save, but my dad spent too.

And just the two of them, money is just not a... So was it maybe not the fact of who spent, what the money was spent on, and the fact that that didn't match with the priorities of the other? Oh, now you're making it make sense for them, and that's just not how that, no. Oh, no, I'm not trying to excuse away the fighting over money because I still think that's ridiculous. I'm just saying, like, it could have been the fact you spent money, I wouldn't spend money, but it could have also been you spent the money on this,

I wanted the money so I could spend it on this instead. It doesn't matter. It's just a different perspective on things. See, Joe gets it, or Jen gets it. I don't know, or Jen gets it. I don't know. Maybe Jen gets it. He said, Jen is home from church and scolded me for doing Flight of the Bumblebee. I think what it is is you have said in the past that the reason you do it is because you want to take care of your girls,

and these are the chores that need to get done. And I'm sitting in the chair reading my book or watching a show or whatever. And you just want me to sit there and do that. But then I feel guilty because I'm not doing Flight of the Bumblebee to get things done. And so I guess one of the things, it makes me feel like I should be up doing something, but you're already doing it and you're going so fast and you're doing things and then when i ask how how can i help you yeah i got it babe i got it and it's like no what else is on your list oh i got this this this and this and i said okay well let me do this and you're like okay and it's like wait what why are you just i don't know maybe i'm expecting a fight maybe i'm expecting because the only time you truly get a fight out of me is when you start in on the just sit down, just stop.

We'll do it later, yada, yada. That's when you and I fight. And that is purely because, again, differences in how we were raised quite possibly. But I was always taught get your work done first, play later. It's always work before leisure. Like if you have one thing on your to-do list unless it is i need five minutes to just cool down because i just got through killing myself out in the heat you get your butt up you quit whining you go get your work done you don't you don't goof around

and this is something you probably hear me talk about talk to piper about all the time because she'll she and i go through this very frequently where she'll say well i can do that later it only takes five minutes. I'm like, yeah, but what happens if it takes ten? See, maybe that's a generational curse that I'm passing down. Not maybe. I'm probably the one passing this down. Because I like to just sit on the weekends.

Procrastination. And I do procrastinate. And I am lazy to a point. Guess I'm going to say there, babe. You admitted it in front of witnesses. I know I am. I don't want to get up on the weekends when the sun rises to get my chores done so that I can just sit in my chair for the rest of the day. I want to get up and drink my cup of coffee or two or three um i want to have breakfast or you know and and sit there and catch up on whatever i want to catch up on or maybe read a couple of chapters in my book or books or a couple of books i that those are the things that i need to do to unwind um

my voice in my head go just said you're my head just said, you're going way off. You're going way off. Anyway. That's been the last half hour, though. No, I've been keeping us up to date, up to task. Anyway, so. But the point remains that this thing you do that obviously you've taught her is this constant pit trap of, oh, that only takes five minutes. I can do that obviously you've taught her is this constant trap pit trap of oh that

only takes five minutes i can do that later because like i've and i especially don't but i spent but here's the problem i especially get on her butt about this when it's in the morning and she wants to she thinks she's done with stuff and she wants to go she wants to park in on the couch she wants to hang out she wants to park it on the couch. She wants to hang out. She wants to drink a half cup of coffee because she started drinking coffee. She wants to do whatever. Mostly she wants to, like, scroll on the screen, but that's whatever. But as soon as she comes to ask me that, I'm like, are your shoes on? Well, that only takes a minute.

I'm like, it only takes a minute until the laces are too tight and you have to unlace them or you can't find them or something happens and now mom's walking out the door to get in the jeep because this has happened and you're sitting on the couch fighting with your shoes or you didn't pack your swim bag or you forgot to pack your lunch and that's why i always tell her i'm like before we get to the goofing off you have to get all the work done because this constant, that only takes five minutes, falls apart the minute something doesn't go the way you planned it to. And now mom's trying to get out the door for work. You're holding her up because you didn't do,

should have done in the order you should have. Well, and that's why we've implemented within the last week of, so we have the ability to turn her phone off from our phones, which is, thank you, Apple. So it's 7 o'clock or 8 o'clock, depending on the day, really, and what time we get home. We turn her phone off because then she actually looks up and goes, what? Where am I? What's my name? Who am I?

She's probably listening, going, that's not your mom. And then she can have it back once everything is done once her swim bag is packed once her lunch is packed once her you know everything is laid out for tomorrow that way we don't run into that problem in the morning i know the first day we did it i came into the living room i'm coming in to make my coffee and breakfast she's in the chair shoes are on teeth are brushed hair's brushed everything is done she's in the chair, shoes are on, teeth are brushed, hair's brushed, everything's done. She's ready. And I'm like, are you ready to go? And she goes, yeah. And everything was packed and ready to go. So she got to sit for an extra 20, 25 minutes while mom finished getting ready. Anyway. But the point remains,

teaching your children to procrastinate or be lazy is 110% a generational curse. And as much as I would love to live in the utopian society where you don't have to work hard to profit, I don't think I'm going to live to see it. And the statistics say that people with a better work ethic always wind up profiting from it. There's no downside to teaching your children the value of hard work, teaching them responsibility, teaching them to prioritize, you know, like needs over wants. There's no downside to that. Anybody that wants to debate that with me, line on up, but you're not going to win. Yeah. And that kind of goes into

the next two bullet points that I had was the treatment of children or your children, treatment of your children or children in your family and abuse. So I think that kind of folds into that a little bit. And when I made this bullet point, I was thinking of, yes, the treatment of children. And God, how many shows have we done about my, my childhood? Yes. But the treatment of children in the family from like aunts and uncles and grandparents and things like that. Um, I guess you could also say, uh, allowing behavior, um, from certain people to, um, 110% allowing or making excuses for people's bad behavior and poor decisions. Allowing behavior from certain people too. 110%. Allowing or making excuses for people's bad behavior and poor decisions.

Not holding grown-ups, the adults in your family, accountable for their actions and the things that they say and do. You could talk about abuse in that category, physical. I don't know if I can say the other word on YouTube. I would rather not. Okay, because, yeah, we might get flagged. You could also change that perspective ever so slightly and say that the whole making excuses for people works up and down. Because I've seen instances where you've had like a 14, 15, 16-year-old child that is plenty old enough to understand right from wrong. And plenty old enough to be expected to, within a reasonable margin, control themselves.

And yet people constantly make excuses for them saying, well, they're just child. And I'm like, no, they're 14, 15, 16 years old. Like young men and women that age 200 years ago were starting families and going off to war. So like there has to be some expectation at a certain point that it's not as if at 17 years old and 364 days, they're a child. We treat them like they're two years old. And then at 18, all of a sudden they're an adult.

Yeah. There has to be some kind of a progressive expectation of a person like maturing. And yet I see this happen where it's that, well, they're just a child. They're just 18. They're just 20. They're just this. I do that. I do that.

It's this constant, it's the constant moving of the goalpost to shield a person from accountability. And it works the opposite direction too when they get up to a certain age and say, well, 60 they're 65 they're 70 they're old their brain they don't feel yeah and that but that's also where you and i i always be myself and i'm like no either they're either we treat them like they're an adult or we treat them like they're an invalid pick one and we'll go that direction. But I'm not willing, because again, I was raised this way. I'm not willing to afford a person freedom to do what they want without also laying the ultimate expectation of good behavior upon them. So if you're an adult, if you're going to spend money how you want, live how you want, if you're going to be that person that does the way you want to do it, you get to eat the poop sandwich even though it doesn't taste good because that's accountability and freedom come

linked together, come tied together. I think that this is probably one of the biggest generational curses that families pass down. It's the lack of accountability for their family members. I know that that's true in my family is the lack of accountability. And then the bad behavior continues. Luckily, I think it has been broken with me and my sisters. I think the lack of accountability and then the displacement of accountability, even just like the slightest displacement, has either been broken or is in the process of getting broken. I struggle with that. I struggle with making excuses for people. But then, on the other hand, this last week or week before, I'm sitting at lunch with a friend, a co worker of

mine, and I'm talking about my child, and I cannot remember what we were talking about. But I, I was telling her that, oh, it was it was about swim. So the girl, the kids can swim at our school. So PE class is in the fall and in the spring it's swim. You go swimming. And it's like swim lessons. It's not just a free-for-all for swim. It's an actual swim curriculum. I didn't realize that.

Anyway, seventh grade girls are really not into it. They don't want to go swimming with the boys in their class. They're at an age right now where, you know, they're all now young girls. They're all young women who have a period and bodies are changing and things like that. And they don't feel comfortable going swimming. And we get that, totally get that. However, it is a graded class. You still have to do it. And obviously the principal is really good about if there's a medical issue, quote unquote, then they don't have to go swimming that week or that day or whatever. But for the most part, they're expected to dress out. And so

I'm telling my friend this at work and I'm saying, you know, yes, I understand that that is a reason. I get that they are uncomfortable. I get that they don't want to do this. I get all of that. However, when she's an adult and her boss says, well, this is your deadline, and you have to meet this deadline, and she says something like, well, I don't want to or I'm uncomfortable with that. That's not how it's going to work in the real world. And use the phrase that we always use on this podcast, we're raising an adult.

This woman that I was eating lunch with kept on with the excuses. Well, she's only 12. Well, she's only this. Well, you got to think about this. And is it really going to harm her later on in life? And I'm thinking, is it going to harm her? No. But if I don't stand firm on this, hi, if I don't stand firm on her dressing out for PE, then she's going to continue because this is what children do. It's not just my child. She's going to continue to push that envelope. Well, mom gave in on swimming. I don't have to dress out for swimming. Maybe I don't have to dress out this week for PE, or maybe I don't

have to go to school this day because it's whatever. We can't give in in and so a lot of times I am a give them an excuse here's you know whatever um there you know there's always an excuse or whatever but I'm coming around and I have been for the last few years as being a mom coming around to the fact of no there is no excuse is it uncomfortable? Yes. Do you have to still do it? Absolutely. To a certain extent.

You get what I'm saying? Yeah. And I mean, and again, to pivot that ever so slightly, like that's also why I'm very big on this idea that like, I can literally remember times talking to Piper where she has responded by saying, well, I don't like doing that. Like it's boring. It's whatever. It's not fun. Yada, yada, yada. And I, I retort pretty, pretty nonchalantly with, I do things all the time that are not fun. I mean, look, I spend, I spend 80 hours every two weeks at a job that I don't particularly enjoy or care for, but it keeps a roof over your

head and food in your mouth. So I'm willing to keep doing it. And this isn't even like adulthood. You know what I'm saying? This isn't as if childhood is just 18 years of fun and then the rest of your life is going to suck. This is life. You're always going to have to do things that are not fun that you don't want to do because the penalty for not doing them is worse than the lack of fun. But again, there are families that they prioritize, and I can think of some specific families I grew up around that they prioritize fun and leisure and laziness to the point where they do only the amount of work that is 100% completely necessary, even if that means their children have to do without things. I can remember families

growing up around, because my family, we grew up in a, I don't want to say it was a poor town. It was a very lower middle class town, very working class, very blue collar. And I can remember families that dad was always you know, dad was always, dad was always home early or dad was taking days off work. Dad did the barest minimum amount of work. Mom didn't work. Kids were running around in a house that was filthy because mom never cleaned the house. Kids clothes were always kind of ratty and, you know, had holes in them because the family was poor because the husband wouldn't get his butt out there and do any, you know, like try to apply himself to work his butt off.

And because come to find out when I got older, talked to my dad about it, apparently the whole family was on drugs, which didn't help any of the situation at all. But I didn't know that as a kid. I just saw that this is a family that is obviously suffering financially because dad isn't applying himself. suffering financially because dad isn't applying himself. And this is a family living in almost squalor because mom won't get her ass off the couch and clean the house. And I, again, I, I drew, I drew those, those comparisons between that family and my family. My dad busted his butt outside the house. My mom worked to have a, a clean, stable environment for me and my brother to grow up in. And I could very cleanly see there's A and there's B. And A's not working and B is. So why is, you know, what's the difference here? But I see that as the same thing, you know, like you're, we're trying to teach our child

that because it's not fun, it's not a justification not to do it. If it needs to get done and if it's going to better your life, you have to do it. You have to rise above that. And then it bleeds over into the thing I'm trying to teach her, which is get the work done before the leisure. Because if it truly is only going to take five minutes, then get it over with. In five minutes, you can go back to do what you want to do. But this constant urge to procrastinate, put it off, to be lazy, to do it later, I'm like, the problem with that is that if you only give yourself five minutes to get it done, the first time it takes six minutes, the whole system you built falls apart. So that's why I've always hammered on or about get the work done first,

get your responsibilities done first. If it really is only going to take five minutes, then in five minutes you'll be done. But if it takes half an hour, you just proved my point that you didn't allocate the right amount of time to do it, and it wouldn't have gotten done if you'd done it your way. Yeah. Like I've told her, every time mom walks out to the Jeep and you're not ready to walk out right behind her or right in front of her. You prove my point that your way is not working. The last one on my list before we move on to the last little bit,

your adopted son is on morning, Eddie. Oh, I talked about you earlier. You weren't here. Hmm. Shows how much you love me. I'm joking. I did talk about you earlier. Um um you'll have to go back and listen or text me um anyway the last thing i wanted to say was not educating your children um and that being a generational uh curse not educating your children as in like sending them to school yes or but not educating your children in how to be an adult. So just like what we were talking about, not educating them that they have to go to work and they have to bring home a paycheck and they have to take care of themselves.

Or for instance, yesterday, Piper comes out of her room. She's going to kill me with how much I'm talking about her today. Piper comes out of her room and she goes, dad needs to do laundry. And I looked at her and I said, time out. Why does dad need to do laundry? I said, do you need something washed? And she goes, yeah. And I said, get your stuff, go to the laundry room.

I'm going to teach you how to do your laundry. And just as a point of context, at the moment this all happened, I was underneath the hood of the truck yanking spark plugs out of a head. So like, I was doing something that neither one of them knew how to do. And yeah, dad could have done laundry afterwards. But there, I appreciate the fact that you were kind of like, pump the brakes, dad's working on stuff we don't know how to do we can do this yeah so anyway taught her a life skill um and i might even what i might do is put the notes you know write down the notes and tape it to the washing machine so that she remembers how to wash her own clothes so like

she's a girl she's a teenage girl and of course um i'm finding clothes in there that she just tried on. She likes to wear three outfits a day. She could have just hung it back up instead of throwing it in dirty clothes. I'm not going to say who might have taught her some of that. I don't do that. Change clothes three times a day? I don't have the energy.

No, no. I mean try on three outfits looking for the perfect one. Oh, yes, but I don't throw it in the dirty clothes once I just try it on. You hang it back up. Anyway, so we had a little life lesson at teaching her how to do her own laundry. She knows how to cook some things, and she knows how to clean the kitchen and all that stuff. She knows how to sweep the floors, you know, all that. So not educating your kids on how to be an adult.

But I think it, and this is not an excuse. If your parents weren't taught those things, then how are they going to teach their children? But this is kind of where I start to kind of wrap this up and get into, well, how do we break these generational curses? Well, first we have to wake up to them. We have to realize that this is a curse. This isn't getting my family anywhere. You have to take a step back and look at your family and be like, grandma and papa do this. Mom and dad do this. And me and my siblings do this. And none of this is healthy. None of this is forward progress for our family. None of this is getting us where we want to be. You have to be able to wake up to those things.

Which is often the most difficult part. That is the hardest part is taking a step back and looking at it in a different lens and going, hmm, maybe I should stop this. though that like specific to you i think what saved you was moving five hours away to go to college by having that buffer and being able to kind of like disconnect and see who figure out your way of doing things because i know my father's commented the same thing was that it wasn't until he moved about five hours away from southeast texas to southeast louisiana that he was able to look at some habits of his family very objectively and say, God, why are they like that? Like that was his, he could not have that wake up call while he was, you know, like five minutes across town from mom and dad. And when he was an hour away from all of his brothers and sisters.

But with that disconnect came the ability to view them, view things differently. But with that disconnect came the ability to view things differently. But the thing that, because I see Eddie continuing to comment, and I'm reading it, but we're in the middle of something. But one of the things I've commented about to Eddie and to several other people, Stuart being one of them, friends of ours through the podcast who don't have children themselves, is I've commented, I'm like, bear in mind that there are other ways to mentor than having your own children. Like if you know a child that lives in your neighborhood or lives in your community who doesn't have that father figure, or that you see the ability to interject yourselves in their lives with some amount of permission to be a positive influence in their life, like that is also an opportunity to mentor them and maybe help them break those generational curses. Because if the only way you ever know

is the only way you've ever known, you don't have that thing that I had where I could compare the way my family lived to the way other families lived. And I could see, okay, this is definitely the way to do things because it's working better. But if you don't have that A-B comparison point, you can't ever get to that point. I think, though, and maybe since the therapist is here, he can kind of back me up. I think at some point in every person's life, they're able to compare and contrast themselves to another person or a family and say, well, why do they have that? Why does so-and-so have the nicer house or the nicer car or they're able to go on trips or you know and then I but I think the problem is they are born in a rut and then

they stay stuck in the rut and they don't know how to get themselves out of the rut They don't realize that it's a rut. And maybe having that aha moment of saying, well, Sally's family is like this. Why can't we be like this? Knowing that there's always something behind the scenes that other people don't see. But I think people do get that. I think most people are able to look at other families or other people and say, so-and-so lives like this, but we live like this, and why? Why is that there? Why is it like that? But the difference is a lot of people will attribute that to something outside of their control

rather than saying the difference between me and them is something within my control that I could change for myself. That's the hard part to me once you get past recognizing a generational curse the the next hardest thing to do is to actually take ownership of it because for a lot of people that's that's what i'm trying to say but you're you're doing better at it i'm wording you always do it better you're you're really good at leading the conversation that i then I weren't it. Thank you. NyQuil has not been my friend this week.

Oh, the green... Has, but... Her and the green fairy have had a very intimate relationship the last several days. Anyway, go for it. But I think taking ownership of those generational curses is incredibly difficult because it lays bare at your feet the fact that you are the one screwing up your own life. And that's a bitter pill for a lot of people to swallow is to say something going on here is within my control and it would be better if I would make it better. So the reason it's not

better is because of me. But once you overcome that emotional hurdle, like the whole conversation we had earlier about, Stuart, we are not starting over and rachel thank you for joining us are we in a different time zone why are y'all all so late i'm starting to think that our clocks got set forward an hour honestly but i don't think so but i i truly i truly believe that like, yes, yes. It is broken people raising broken people. It is broken people raising broken people.

But again, I was, I, and again, since we've been talking, since I've said it quite a few times, the way I was raised was that, you know,

no one, no one is responsible for your outcome, but you, you don't get to blame it on luck. You don't get to blame it on chance. You don't get to blame it on someone else. don't get to blame it on chance. You don't get to blame it on someone else. Like when I was growing up, the answer always was, did you work as hard as you could have? And if I told my dad I held back even 1%, that's the reason you failed.

Okay. And Rachel actually put my words into better words too. And she said, I think it's because they are stuck in their own ways. Some people can't figure out how to change. That's what I think. I think they get comfortable. Maybe they don't know any better. Maybe there's, you know, there's some reason why besides just because it's hard work to break general generational curses. Trust me, I am living that right now. I am living the whole breaking the curse. And I have been ever since I became a mom. It is hard. But if you don't know that you're not in a rut or if you are in a curse, then how are you going to change it?

And, yes, like I just said, you can see what other people are doing and you can say whatever. But if you're comfortable in that, you wouldn't change it. You won't change it because that's all you've known. That's all you've ever known. And it's not comfortable to change that. Yeah. And for some people, that's emotional comfort. It's like, again.

Right. You don't know any better. That's what. Well, it's not just they don't know any better that's what um well but it's not just they don't know any better but what i'm saying by emotional comfort is is what i was saying earlier about how for some people that for some people they will truly say oh there's nothing wrong with this because the alternative is to admit you're screwing up you remember the conversation you and i had sideways to this about we used to have a friend who was constantly on you about why is ph Phil doing that? Why is Phil prepping? You know, crazy prepper, stupid, yada, yada, yada.

And you asked me. Who is that? Are we still friends? We're not. Okay. But you asked me, and I think you asked me out of exasperation, and I took it as a genuine question because, you know, it's me. But you asked me, like, why is she like that?

And I'm like, because if she admitted for one second that what I was doing made sense, she would have to admit that her not doing it doesn't make sense. So it's better for her to demean this whole thing than for her to admit she's screwing up. And I think that applies here. I think for a lot of people out there, they will internally recognize a generational curse, but they'll either excuse it away saying, I can't fix it. Like, how many times have you heard people who are woefully overweight who will say, I'm just big boned. And now I'm not saying that there are not medical conditions that make it incredibly difficult to lose weight. They exist. I get that. But y'all don't all have thyroid problems. Some of y'all just can't put the fork down so

let's let's be honest that's a whole that's a whole other but let's be but let's be honest that you can't explain away 100 of a problem with a tiny population no but i agree but there are people who will use excuse because the alternative is to admit i'm doing this to myself and i just don't want to i don't want to put in the effort to stop doing it. Or for a person who is constantly like come payday, they are at negative whatever in their checking account because they can't control their spending. They will make excuses of the cost of living and the cost of groceries and my boss doesn't pay me enough. And they will make all these excuses before they ever admit, I shouldn't have gone to the bar last night and run up $200 on my bar tab, or I shouldn't have spent my money on that, or I shouldn't have this credit card at 30% interest with all this balance sitting on it.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So again, it's one of those situations where I understand for the audience, when I give these analogies, I'm not saying that this applies to 100% of people. And there are not people out there that are genuinely, genuinely having a bad time or there's something stacking the deck against them. But I am saying that there are people who don't have the deck stacked against them by anything other than themselves. But they will not admit it because it then forces them to take responsibility for it. And some people are allergic to accountability.

I think I said this earlier. I think accountability and holding people accountable is probably the root cause of most of this is that, well, besides people being stuck in a rut and not knowing that they're actually stuck in a rut. But if you do have that aha moment of, wow, this really isn't healthy to be doing this mentally healthy or even physically healthy, this isn't healthy. Then you can't, this is where it gets hard for me because I've, I haven't held my parents accountable for so long, um, is actually saying time out, wait a second.

This is not going to continue. Your behavior is not acceptable, and it has to stop. And like Eddie just said to one of his clients, it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm there. I'm there. We're not in a fun stage of breaking a generational curse right now for me, um, or holding people accountable. And it, it is going to get worse. I think it's still going to get worse than before it gets

better because this is, this is, I don't know. It's me going at 40 years old, time out. Your behavior is not healthy. And it's affecting me in an unhealthy way as well. And I refuse to, one, bring my family into it, but two, continue that in my family. I expect, I've said this, my sisters have said this, I expect you to hold me accountable. And you do, you always have. I think that's one of the reasons why we clash so much in the beginning of our relationship is because you held me accountable for my spending. You held me accountable for hitting you. You held me accountable for everything that I was

doing. That was a generational curse. When I said abuse, I meant either physical or mental abuse. I did those things. And it wasn't easy. But it also started me down a path of going, wait a second. I don't need to do that. I shouldn't do that to you. I shouldn't spend the money like this. I shouldn't hit you just playing or anything like that. Okay. So thank you for that, for holding me accountable. But that's the hard part, at least for me, is holding people accountable. And then because I don't like confrontation, I have to stay firm in that accountability. So I've been no contact with my parents for a while. Right?

Yeah. Well, my mother. Well, barring some like. An emergency. Yeah, barring well checks on further physical well-being. Yes. Well, yeah, there was a physical. There was a physical thing that emergency that happened. And that's when I broke the no contact.

And I'm not, I'm not discounting that. I'm just adding context because there, for some people, when they say no contact, it means I'll see you at your funeral. Well, yes. And that's not, that's not what I mean. That's why I add the context. Right. But I have been no contact with my mom. Anyway, anyway, that's, I guess, I guess it is relevant to the conversation because it is holding people accountable for their actions, not allowing them to continue those actions and taking whatever means necessary to do that.

And that's the getting worse before it gets better. Maybe it'll get better. I don't know. Probably not. Just like Rachel said, they are stuck in their ways. When you say it'll never get better, I disagree only because there are, I think it depends on where your goalpost is. Like for me, it's never going to get better. And the fact that they are going to get better, they're going to change. If that's your goal, I'm not saying it is,

but if that's your goalpost, it will never get better, it will never get better. It's not, not going to, but I do think it can get better in the fact that like, I do feel like it can become easier over time for you to defend that. That's that guard comfortable extricating yourself from the conversations and the situations when you shouldn't be there. I do think that will get easier over time. I don't think it will ever get easier because of any action of theirs. I think it will get easier because of the actions you're taking. I will become more comfortable with breaking away. Over almost 20 years of us being together, which this coming February makes 20 years. And then you and I have been together since I came home from Iraq. Wow.

Wow. We're old. Wow. Wow. We're old. But over almost 20 years of being together at this point, I have always expected accountability from you because there was no version of reality where we were we've talked about on this show. That was a non-negotiable for me. We are going to be accountable to each other for everything. But I feel like me holding you accountable and you holding yourself accountable has gotten a hell of a lot easier over the last 20 years. There are very few times where you and I have to like go head to head anymore and say and have like a major, a major fundamental disagreement over money spending. Usually I'm the one who's the spendthrift and you're the one saying, Phil, you've got the money. Go get what you want.

But my point is like, how many times have you had to come to me with your hat in your hand and say, I can't pay the bills in the last 15 years? I don't know. I don't think it's happened. That's nice. I was thinking you were going to say, yeah, like five times. No. Like she hasn't learned her lesson. But I guess that's my point is that accountability was a very hard thing for the two of us to overcome early on in our relationship because lack of accountability was a generational curse.

But over the past, that was like the first couple of years together or maybe the first year we were married. But over the years we've been together since, it has been a non-issue. Yeah. So I feel like things become habit-forming, and I feel like as you commit yourself to this road of breaking these generational curses, as you commit yourself to that path of self-improvement or not even self-improvement according to society's standards, but really just getting to like your perfect version of yourself. you know it's like when you when you and i when you and i got really serious about getting our health under control we were both overweight we were both eating like crap neither one of us was doing right by ourselves and we decided we need to make some changes my blood sugar has been so

much better managed since then it's been 110 worth it to to me. My perfect version of myself, even though I understand that as long as I do the walking and I do the eating right, my weight will come down. But my perfect version of myself isn't a Calvin Klein underwear model. I couldn't care. It's not. But it was never a goal of mine. My goal was to be more physically active and more physically capable than the average 41, 42-year-old man, which I think I am. My goal was to not have to embrace hypoglycemia and prediabetes. My goal was to stay off insulin and well into my older age.

Those were my goals. My goal is to maintain my health for as long as I can. And I feel like I'm accomplishing that. maintain my health for as long as I can. And I feel like I'm accomplishing that. So I guess I'm saying is like, if you have a generational curse, it has to be something that you recognize is bad for you or is holding you back from attaining your goals. And then it has to be something you're willing to take responsibility for and put in the work to break that curse so that you can become your better version of you. I like that. I think that's always the goal, though.

I mean, even outside the realm of generational curses, like we should all want to be better. We should all want to be a better version of ourselves. You should never want to be your neighbor. You should never want to be a celebrity or a sports figure. But you should want to be the best version of you. That sounds so hippy dippy even coming out of my mouth, but I believe it. Well, I'm glad you believe it. Well, it's just, it's the way I see things. But as far as generational curses, like I think you've done tremendous work to try to break your own generational curses. I don't feel like I carried a lot of them, if any, into this marriage.

But I will say, not to talk that, I will say that I feel like my father broke a lot of generational curses before he got to me, which is probably why I didn't carry a lot, carry them into this relationship because he had done the work you're doing now of saying, this is the way I was taught. I don't think that works.

This is the way I'm going to do things. So by the time I came along, the way I was taught was the product of his adult life, unlearning and relearning things. Well, you have to throw your mom in there too. True. We did that as a team. I don't mean to leave my mom and I don't mean to leave my mom out

but like a lot of times I talk about my father because you know it's that whole what's my model for husband father yeah it's dad

yeah okay good show good show old man alright guys well thank y'all for joining us today and I'm sorry

to the ones who I was like where are y'all yeah anyway I hope y'all have a great rest of your week for joining us today. And I'm sorry to the ones who I was like, where are y'all? Yeah. Anyway, I hope y'all have a great rest of your week and we'll see you next week.

Next week's going to be our last show before prepper camp. And then we get to go see all of our family up in North Carolina. And I'm so excited to see you all. All right. Thanks for joining us. We'll see y'all later. Bye everybody. Bye y'all later bye everybody bye y'all Thank you.