The Prepper Broadcasting Network - Raising Values: Giving Up Isn't a Bad Thing

Episode Date: May 26, 2024

https://www.facebook.com/RaisingValuesPodcast/www.pbnfamily.comhttps://www.instagram.com/raisingvaluespodcast/http://www.mofpodcast.com/www.prepperbroadcasting.comhttps://rumble.com/user/Mofpodcastwww.youtube.com/user/philrabSupport the showMerch at: https://southerngalscrafts.myshopify.com/Shop at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2ora9riPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/mofpodcastA quiet evening with family on the back porch with some adult beverages led to some pretty philosophical conversations about life, the nature of free will vs. fate and destiny, and about how giving up can sometimes be the beginning of finding your purpose in life.Raising Values Podcast is live-streaming our podcast on our YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Rumble. See the links above, join in the live chat, and see the faces behind the voices.family, traditional, values, christian, marriage, dating, relationship, children, growing up, peace, wisdom, self improvement, masculinity, feminity, masculine, feminine

Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Phil and Gillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to Raising Values. Good morning. It's good to see you, Nina and Kyle, but you've been here for a couple of times in the past. But Nina, I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. So anyway, good morning. But Nina, I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. So anyway, good morning.

It's going to be a weird morning again, mainly just because it's me. I love how you went from, like, I feel like death to turn on. I do feel like death today. But I saw Nina pop up, and then it was like, ah, Nina's here. And I love that. So I know. That's just me. I can do that I do have a headache but I'm gonna try to work through and do thoughts and words and you know podcast stuff so the title is

giving up isn't a bad thing and as I'm not giving up I I almost said we need to cancel the podcast, but I'm not giving up. So, as has happened many times in the past. Yes. Okay, so circle through those comments. Gordon Grawl said, busy with in-school year stuff. In-school year stuff, yes. The end of the year is... Cuckoo? Yes, to say the least. The end of the school year is cuckoo bananas. Like, always cuckoo yes to say the least the end of the school year is cuckoo bananas like always cuckoo

bananas um once spring break hits in april the year's done that's it and it's just really all downhill really really really fast not downhill in a bad way but it's just really crazy and next week is our this coming we have three and a half days left so and two of those days are really just it's a field day and then it's a half day of we're having a glow party and all that stuff so kyle said he sees a lot of piper's face in the i'm guessing in your pick yeah i saw that comment that comment, Kyle. Which pick are you talking about that you see Piper's face in? I think he's talking about the thumbnail for this because it's got your face and my face on it. So I don't know.

He might have been saying from both of us. Well, I mean, we did make her. I think the older she gets, though, the more she looks like you. Yeah? Just saying. I don't know. She might have inherited some of my personality, though. Yeah, we had a talk about that yesterday.

I mean, it took me some time, you know, to learn to control my face and tone. We had a conversation about tone yesterday. And the words that she says to people and then the tone that she uses and how sometimes sometimes they can come off as unkind i meant what i told my sister yesterday that she has learned sharp tongue and quick wit i just haven't taught her discretion yet so yep kyle saying the intro pic okay and and Kyle, this is Liquid IV, which I prefer over Gatorade. He said Gatorade and Raising Cane. Raising Cane sounds really good.

It sounds really good right now. I will be full disclosure, even though I know one of my students watches this podcast, I indulged a little bit too much yesterday with my family. A little bit too much adult beverages. I'm going to hear about this at school tomorrow. You're allowed to have a drink on the weekends when you're not at school. I mean, come on. So liquid IV is, I don't know who made it

and who created that, but I love you. I'm just saying, I love you. Is it like hangover cure? It helps with electrolyte imbalance, of course, because it's just a drink of electrolytes. Anyway, so getting, getting to the podcast, um, we were all all sitting around so let me go back a little bit and kind of explain what happens at our house on the weekends um and it's happening more and more frequently we've kind of told this story i think um in and out a little bit but phil has been best friends with his best friend for 20 years, 20 plus years. No, he and I met each other when he was 14.

I was 15. So 25 years, 25 years, they've been best for a little more than 25 years at this point. But yeah, when the, the year before we got married, um,

and Phil had come home from Iraq, we decided really Phil decided that he wanted to meet his birth family because Phil's adopted. So we go and meet them. He has a half-sister and half-brother. And anyway, long story short, best friend is looking for a girlfriend. And we were like, well, we know this this girl there's a few more steps in in in this progression but go ahead um yes there are a few steps but anyway so we introduced the two of them they're married she moves from texas to covington and it took a while because well first

they're newlyweds and they've been married now for 10 years. But so it took a while, but in the last two years we have become really close with them, which is really, really nice because I like to, I guess it's not really a joke. It's kind of sad on my part, but I like to say, you know, I found a best friend and she's been under my nose the whole time, say, you know, I found a best friend and she's been under my nose the whole time. You know, so anyway, so what we do, we have family days. And so we're either at their house on the weekends or they're at our house over here. And, you know, anyway, so I don't know where I was going with this story.

Oh, I was trying to get to the title. So we're sitting around outside eating pizza last night. And we're like, what are we going to talk about? Pizza and cheesecake and alcohol. It was a weird vibe. Anyway, so we were like, what are we going to talk about? And his sister just throws out this topic because we were talking about some decisions that she's made in her career and how, you know, at first she was very nervous about making those decisions about giving up some of her goals and dreams. And how did we, how have we managed to go through life, giving up our goals and dreams and, you know, what were our goals and dreams? And obviously those things have changed throughout our time together and then individually as we get older. And so that's how we got to this topic.

Giving up isn't a bad thing. And let me hit some comments really quick. Kyle said in Louisiana, it's Louisiana, everyone drinks. Yes. But I haven't been able to drink for 11 years. But I haven't been able to drink for 11 years. 12. No, 11, because I've been able to get things under control.

When I had Piper, I developed an allergy to alcohol, anything, fermented, anything. And it was really bad. And so to get to Nina's point, Garden Girl, she said, I didn't know you were good with drinking now. I thought you got very sick. And yes, so for the last 11 years, I have gotten very sick when I drink alcohol or anything fermented. Even kombucha would send me into hives and anaphylaxis. And then in the last year, Nina, this is kind of important for you too, because we've talked about this a little bit. I was finally able to get in with a holistic doctor and figured out through a ton of blood

tests, just how out of whack my hormones are. And it's important for women to understand just how much our hormones do for our bodies. And it's not just like a regular cycle or, you know, eating crazy things and having super weird cravings and insomnia and all that stuff. Our hormones are so super important. And so I got in and did tons and tons of blood tests and a lot of, I wouldn't say experimental, but experimental, natural remedies and things like that. And finally, within the last year, or year and a half really, my hormones have leveled out into healthy ranges. And with that came the ability to drink alcohol again. And so there are some things that still send me into that rash of just like covered and painful, painful experiences. But there are things that I'm experimenting with

to see if I can have an adult beverage again. And so a lot of times it works and sometimes it doesn't. And last night the wine didn't work. And so we will not be doing the wine again. I can't drink wine either. It gives me migraines. Always has. Yeah. So anyway, so that's where we are.

But back to the topic again, giving up isn't a bad thing. So that's what she had said last night. I love all the comments this morning. Y'all keep throwing me off and that's what she had said last night. I love all the comments this morning. Y'all keep throwing me off and that's good. Still putting this one down. Ben said that would be a good topic for women's health for us men trying to help our wives. You should coordinate this with another lady or two. I would love to do that. In fact, Nina, if you're up for a discussion, and I can probably pull Jordan on too, and we could do a women's health episode. Jordan's a little bit younger

than us. And Nina, you and I are the same age. And so we would it would be very interesting to see where we are. I love that idea. And I think we need to do that. And I think we need to do that. Kyle, I'm not even going to read your next comment. And no, sir. You're banned. Anyway, back to the topic a third time. Thank you.

Yeah, I mean, as we were having this conversation last night on the back porch, I made the comment that I felt like my life got a lot simpler. And you and my sister made the comment like things just seem to work out. You know, like when I say don't worry about it. Take a deep breath. It's going to be fine. It's going to work out. We're going to get through it. There's no point getting upset.

Like you know me well enough to know that like I am a worrier. I am a planner. I am extremely worrier. I am a planner. I am extremely type A. And my way of doing things is to plan and obsess over details and schedule and make lists and work all these tiny little details to make sure things work out. But whenever we're facing anything that even approaches a crisis, I'm always very calm. I'm always very steadfast in saying, it's going to be okay. We're going to get through it.

Don't freak out. It's like I undergo this complete role reversal in those emergency situations. And I was explaining last night that, like, a lot of that comes from, I guess, like a major personality shift I had when I deployed to Iraq. Because at the time I got my MOE borders, you know, the war was arguably at its hottest at that point. I mean, about the time I got there, the street-to-street stand-up fighting had largely stopped, except for, like, Battle of Fallujah. That was awful. But the insurgency really cranked up about the time I got there. And there were people coming home with mortar

shrapnel in them. I mean, it is what it is. I wouldn't say that like the casualty rate was extraordinary given that war compared to other wars, but like it was not, it was not a foregone conclusion that anybody going over there might not come back. So I had to make peace with that. I had to accept the fact that this might be it for me. I might not be coming home. And I had to go into that environment and do my job so I didn't hurt anybody else or cause anybody else to not come home. And it was a moment where I had to really just accept

whatever's going to happen is going to be. I'm going to control what I can control, and the things I can't control, I'm going to let go of. And I've called it like letting go. I've called it accepting. I've called it, uh, you know, fate or destiny. I've called it God's will. I've called, I've called it a million different things. But last night I said, giving up and like you and my sister kind of like recoil from that idea. Cause like the idea of giving up and like you and my sister kind of like recoil from that idea because like the idea of giving up and surrender has a negative connotation to it and I was like I'm not saying give up like you know like to me give up doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything bad surrender doesn't mean anything bad all surrender means is that I am allowing, I am pulling back my own efforts to control the situation,

and I am surrendering to whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Yeah. I'm making peace with it and accepting it because I can't stop it. We went around the table with different adjectives. Adjectives? Yes. Adjectives of the word and synonyms of giving up. See, I can use words. It's working. And yeah, so giving up always has had, I think it just carries

a bad connotation because you're always saying, you know, people are always saying, don't give up, don't do that. You know, it's always with something of you're giving up. You're letting go of this goal. You're letting go of this dream or whatever. And in the case of where this conversation stemmed from, there are times in our lives where it's not so much that the goal or the objective was too much for us to handle. It's really coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't our goal.

Or maybe we thought it was at the time, but we changed. It could be that. It could be that. It was also never intended for us. That's a possibility. And so I think there's so much. Hang on. Words are hard. I think there's like.

I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying. Go ahead. While you're thinking. I had this thought this morning. Because I was talking a lot last night about, like, well, two concepts. One being your higher calling.

And, like, in the pursuit of my higher calling, I will let go of any of those other goals. Because the highest calling is the highest priority. And like I was saying last night, like, my highest calling for a long time now has been husband, father. Those things mean more to me than my job. No offense to this podcast, everything else I have in my life that I enjoy doing. And I, you know, I find fulfillment in, but if I had to give up this podcast tomorrow to be a better, better husband and father, it'd be gone because my highest calling has to have be my highest priority and up until the moment i met you husband father wasn't on my radar i had given up i'd given up finding you know mrs rabbley i'd give i'd totally just written it off because maybe one day we'll get into that with the patrons only, but like a long storied history of really, really toxic relationships. And I got to the point where

I was like, you know what? The whole, the whole female gender is just, I'm done with all of them. Wasn't going to convert to the other side. I was just favorite gender either. Yeah. No offense to anybody, but I was just, I was done. I was done. I was done trying to find because like I I went into dating with a very first of all with a very I felt like a very reasonable and healthy expectation of like what I needed in a marriage for it to be successful you know what I mean and when I kept not finding that I kept thinking myself well it's just out there. But I knew I wasn't going to compromise on what I think. Because to me, marriage is still death to its part. It's a lifelong decision.

So I would rather be single forever than marry the wrong person. And then when I met you, that path just like hard right right into the woods. Because I changed career paths I changed everything you changed your major you changed everything everything changed and where you were gonna live where you were gonna move to all those things changed um so sorry not sorry well but again all the and and you have to understand that like up to the moment I met you, I was pursuing an engineering degree. I had already accepted the fact that when I graduated, I was going to be looking at moving to Europe. Short version, long story.

I had set a goal for myself of being an automotive engineer, and I wanted to go work for one of the big supercar manufacturers. So that was going to be Italy or Germany, either Porsche or Ferrari, Lamborghini. But that was where I was going to be Italy or Germany, either Porsche or Ferrari, Lamborghini. But that was where I was going. And I was, you have to understand the way my personality was back then and still is to this day. I don't care how hard it is. I don't care how much work it takes. I don't care how many sleepless nights it takes. You saw me do this to myself in college when I was sleeping three hours a night.

I, the fact that something is hard means nothing to me. I will achieve my goals and I'll do it by brute force if absolutely necessary. Preferably, I'll get by on my good looks and my smooth talking, but that doesn't get me very far. So usually it's just brute force. It's hard work. But I don't shy away from that. It's hard work. But I don't shy away from that. The only thing that made me give this up was the fact that I was like, I met the woman I want to make my wife. I want to be a father and have kids with her.

I want those kids to be U.S. citizens. And that changed my entire path. Okay. And as quickly as we met each other and i made those decisions i gave up because i was like okay this five minutes ago this was my path or maybe a couple of months ago i must say wow i'm i'm powerful well but you know this was my path and i was committed to it and there was no amount there was no amount of pain or hard work that was going to sway me off of it. But the moment it was no longer my path, I gave it up. It meant nothing to me at that point. And that's why, to me, giving up isn't a bad thing.

I would never encourage a person to give up on a goal or a dream because it's hard. You know, life sucks. Get a helmet. Some things just have to be done. Get your stuff together and go knock it out. Ask for help. Work. What my father told me a long time ago, possibly half joking, was he said, you know, you're a rabbley.

Rableys aren't born rich. And none of us are. And unfortunately, you weren't born. Rableys aren't born rich. So you're going to have to work twice as hard for twice as long to beat everybody else but if you can outwork them they'll never beat you so i grew up with this idea that like you know if i was willing to work twice as hard twice as long i would always come out on top no one could keep me down because i was willing to do four times

the work they were to get to the same objective. And by the way, when you develop that thought process, it doesn't take four times the work. You just have to be prepared to do it and then just dive in and get it done. But anyway, you let me get off on a tangent. No, that's okay because it brought up a couple of things for me. No, that's okay because it brought up a couple of things for me. And what I was going to say when I was having difficulty finding words is I think you should be proud of yourself when you recognize that that goal is not for you. And in my mind, I have a certain scenario in my head.

And I keep thinking back to your sister. And I hope she doesn't mind us using her as an example because she was the influence for all of this but she's responsible for this she she is one of the most she is a force to be reckoned with she's a powerful woman she knows what she wants

she knows what she's after there's no, there's not a lot of question with her. Like the, you know, she is, she's just, she's just that kind of person. When you meet her, you have three options. You can, you can follow behind her or you can try to confront her or you can get the hell out of the way, but she's, she's going to go where she's going to go. Yeah. And that's not a bad thing at all. In fact, you'll meet her at Prepper Camp if you're going to Prepper Camp.

Anyway, so. Some of y'all met her last year at the Matter of Facts camping trip. When we first met her when she was 14 years old, I believe. 13 or 14 years old. About that. She already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. And she was already working towards that goal. And it was, it was me being in college. I was like, wait, what? She's already like volunteering for a job that she wants when she gets out of high school. And you know, she knows where she wants to do. I am not that person. I have never been that person. I have

dreams and things that I want to do. I even tell my students when I grow up, I want to that person. I have never been that person. I have dreams and things that I want to do. I even tell my students when I grow up, I want to be this. And they're like, well, Ms. Rebell, you're already grown up. No, things will change. And you know, I may not always be a teacher. My goal one day is to go to space. Anyway, she's always had these goals and these dreams since she was at least 13 when we met her. And it wasn't until within the last year that some of those goals changed for her. And she had a really, really hard time coming to terms with the fact that her heart was changing. And I think that that was more of what she was trying to deal with than it was the goal that she was letting go or the goal that she was giving up.

And me being the type B personality that I am, I don't have trouble saying this isn't for me and I need to let this go. I really have never had that kind of trouble. In fact, I mean, it's reflected in my career. It's reflected in my friendships. It's reflected in family members. I don't have trouble letting go of things, certain things. I'd have trouble letting go of you or letting go of Piper.

I was just going to say that the interesting parallel here is that my sister, I would never say she and I have the same personality. We have very similar personalities and you and my best friend, her husband have very similar personalities. So it is, it is. And, and like me and my best friend, like we we've literally had that weird, almost brotherly relationship for 25 years where like, we could talk to each other about anything. There's no, there's no pretense between us it's just hey dude what you doing let's go hang out yeah and i've i have often thought to myself i'm like there's got to be some weird psychological there's got to be a psychological paper to be written here about the fact that i married a woman with my best almost

exactly my best friend's personality and then he married a woman with very much my personality it is a little weird because those well but i think the old opposites attract thing i think those personalities just click together like you and i offset each other because we are both such extremes and they offset each other a lot because you know like i've always said i think they're i think they're good for each other because they balance each other out. And the same can be said for us. And in either couple's case, all four of us are extremes of our personalities. So we need an extreme the other direction to, like, bring us back to center.

But anyway. So what you're saying is everyone needs a hippie in their life? Or, you know. Or a soldier or a worry wart type a list making obsessive compulsive person to like you know get you to come down out of the clouds every now and then and embrace reality oh yeah i guess so god she used to get so mad at me when when we were dating and i would i would tell you like babe you got to get your head out of the clouds and like you know there's there's work to be done down here.

I would get so mad at you. I was like, no, I'm staying in the clouds. This is where it's nice. But anyway, it was kind of in that moment when we were talking about it. We were camping that weekend, and we were talking about these goals that she was considering giving up. And not because the goal was too hard or it was too much of a fight or anything like that. It was just she wasn't sure that it was for her.

And it was in that moment that I was like, damn, I'm old. And now I'm spewing wisdom to my younger sister who, you know, I've been there, done that kind of thing. Vintage. That was what we were called the day before yesterday was vintage. We are vintage. We sound so much nicer than over the hill. Yeah. Anyway, she went through with giving up.

And she decided that that path was not for her. And I really couldn't be any more proud of her because I think had she continued down that path or, and when, when we continue down paths that really aren't meant for us, maybe we thought that they were meant for us, but they really aren't meant for us, then your struggle is so much worse. You know, you're trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole, and it's just not there. And so I think you have to be proud of yourself when you come to that realization, especially if you can figure that out before you start going down that road. Yeah.

You know? And then the other thing that I was going to say was, well, I think I've kind of already said it, is I'm such a type B personality. I cannot remember a time in my life where I was like, yes, that's what I want to be when I grow up. That's what I want to do. I'm going to school to do this. But that's because you're a Toys R Us kid. I changed my major three times.

I changed my major three times. I ended up only majoring in general studies because I couldn't put it down on paper. I wanted to do art history, but they didn't have an art history degree at the time. So I took every class that I could, and I wanted to minor in this. But I think it's funny how when I first enrolled in college, I enrolled in teaching. My major was teaching. I wanted to teach English. And here I am, throughout my entire career, in the back of my head, it has always said, you need to be a teacher. You should be a teacher.

And I guess if you look at my career, I have been a teacher. I've been a teacher since I graduated from college. I just did it in a nonprofit setting. I did it in a, it's called informal education. So I was leading the golf chat at the aquarium. I was taking animals out and talking to guests and educating them about different animals. And I would take my volunteers out to different ecosystems, and we would spend days out there and study the ecosystem.

So in a way, I have always been a teacher, but now I'm in the classroom actually teaching. And when I made this career shift, I got out of nonprofits and became a teacher. In my head, I kept saying, well, this is just temporary because, you know, my whole career path has always just been temporary. I've done this for seven years. I did this for 10 years. I did this for four years, whatever. And then I said, this is going to be temporary. It's going to be until Piper graduates from this school, and then we're going to leave. And that, it's not, that's not going to happen. I don't,

I don't know if I will retire from this school, but I am so just, I'm where I'm supposed to be. Like I can feel like this is the path. I finally quit fighting myself. Although I don't think I fought myself. I think for someone like me, and I'm comparing myself to someone like you, I need, I needed to go into all those different areas. I needed to try all those different things, all those different careers to see, just really to get the experience. You know, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't. And I still have a goal of one day I'm going to make it to space. And, you know, if that happens to just turn out to be that I am aware of my spirit and energy leaving this earth when I die, and I'm now part of the universe again, then I've made it to space. But as I've gotten older, yes, your goals change.

Your whole life will evolve as you grow older. But, and your goals will all change and evolve as you grow older. But and your goals will all change and evolve as you grow older. I'm just more at peace now. I don't put that burden on my shoulder of I've got to have a career set and I've got to know what I'm going to do when I grow up and I've got to do this. You know, right now, one of Piper's biggest choices will come up next year. It actually will start to come up in September, October, where she will have to decide which high school she goes to. We know she's not going to public,

so there's a couple of choices for private schools here. And she's going to have to go tour those places, and she's going to have to make the decision of where she's going to have to go tour those places. And she's going to have to make the decision of where she's going to go to high school. One thing that we will not do and have never done, and I think some people kind of balk when I talk about it, is where will she go to college? Well, what does she want to be when she graduates from high school? I don't care. I don't care if she doesn't go to college. You know, we've told her time and time again, if you want to be a hairdresser,

I'm not sending you to four years of college to be a hairdresser. You can go to a vo-tech or whatever. If you want to do underwater basket weaving and you think that you can make a living at underwater basket weaving and you have to get a four-year degree to do underwater basket weaving,

then sure, we'll send you to college and you can do that. But we're not wasting time and resources and going down a path that was so beat into our generation of you will not succeed unless you have a degree. You will not succeed unless you have a degree. Well, the problem was when they sent us to college and we did these things, they sent us to college and we did these things, we got out with the degree and no experience. And we needed the experience to use the degree. So we were, you know, so many people are now swamped with, you know, college debt and all those things. And they have the degree, but they don't have the experience. Anyway, that's just something that,

so the path that Piper decides to take in her life is something that we will guide her in, but we're not pushing her down a path or a goal, to reach a goal that may not be for her. We've always said, I don't know if she's a college kid. I don't know if she's going to go to college. And don't mistake me. I have no doubts in my mind at all about her intelligence.

She could do... She has proven to me in every time she's been tested in any kind of standardized way, she has the intellect to do whatever she wants. But it's like I've told her time and time again, if you want to do this, you're going to have to go to college. It's part of the gig. But if you want to do this, this, this, there's no point in you going to college. Like the four years you spend going to college would be better spent doing those jobs, apprenticing somewhere, going to a vo-tech.

Because if the goal is to do that job and like four years of college isn't going to get you closer to the goal, what's the point? So that's what I, underwater basket weaving, got to be at LSU. So Kyle, underwater basket weaving, for anybody not familiar, is just kind of a catch-all term that we used to use to describe like useless degrees like gender studies i just pissed somebody off and i don't care much because there's a bunch of useless degrees in college if someone will get a if someone i figured the roll tide was coming the last jab i'm gonna take a college is like if if someone is stupid enough to go out and get a college loan for it someone is stupid enough to teach it take your money so it if the job you want to do does not require a degree you don't go to college period end discussion and not yeah i think that's a whole discussion on its own is college and the the should i add that to the list phil phil phil

loses his mind on the department of education on federal involvement and no because that is already on the list remember we're going to talk about the bills going through, at least the Louisiana education bills that are going through Senate and House right now for the upcoming year. We need to pass back through some of these. Ben Swanson said goals and dreams change with life and who is in your life. I wholeheartedly agree absolutely garden girl said she was going to join the peace corps when she met her husband

i can totally see you going that route before you and i met yeah you and a bunch of your little hippie friends running around in the third wall trying to help people that sounds like your vibe i mean in a way, I kind of did. In a way. I was a student ambassador in Australia for a month. See. Garden Girl said, once she chose not to leave, she was going to work for social work. Wanted to work at a children's hospital, but our kids were a priority.

So she chose life. She did hit, and she feels fulfilled. kids were priority so she chose life she did hit and she feels fulfilled fulfilled joe said you grow life changes circumstances force change life's road has turns and potholes changing lanes is not giving up and see i understand where you're coming from when i say give up or when i say let go i equate it to like swing them like tarzan swing them through the jungle on vines okay if you hold on to this vine and you hold on to this vine you stop in order to move forward you have to let go of this vine hold on to this vine and then when you get to the next vine you have to grab that one let this one go so the problem is if you hold on to both vines you stop and if you let go both

vines bad things start happening so that's when I say things like give up or let go, I mean that when you change lanes or when you change paths or goals, you have to let go of the old one. You can't, when I say give up, I mean it in terms of I am not giving it any more attention or thought or emotion. Like I don't stop and think to myself hardly ever, except when it gets brought up. But like, I don't think these days about, man, wouldn't my life have been so great if 20 years ago, I hadn't decided to, you know, get married to this girl and

have a family. And I pursued that dream of going to, you know, Germany or Italy and work on the next Lamborghini or something like that. Wouldn't that have been such a better life? I don't ever think about it that way. I think about it as- Glad for that. But my point is, when I gave up that dream, I gave it up. The moment I changed paths, the old one meant nothing to me. It wasn't my path anymore. It wasn't my goal. So when I say give up, I'm just saying that if you continue to give energy to and pine for that old goal, if you continue to think to yourself, man, I made a mistake. I should go back and I should do that or I should try to keep that door open.

That's antithetical to the way my mind works. My mind is once this is my path, bam, that's my path. There is no other path now. This is it. That's what the whole episode is supposed to be about. That's what the title is about is because the conversation that's how the conversation went last night and we were all talking about the words we used to describe the same thing are so different because of our perception we literally went around the table and

and each gave a synonym or two of what giving up means because we did um rebecca and i were like whoa wait give up we we haven't given up. We just decided not to go down that path anymore. And so that's why the title says giving up isn't a bad thing. The actual phrase giving up isn't a bad thing. I think some of it also comes from my perspective as a husband and father because I've been very upfront on this podcast and in between the two of us about the fact that I, I think being a husband and a father is a very selfless thing. You're supposed to put other people in front of

you. You're supposed to sacrifice yourself for them. That's like our whole purpose of being. So to me, giving up, surrender, sacrifice, those are all selfless things of me saying, I'm letting go of this for a greater calling, for a higher calling, for a greater good. So to me, give up and surrender and sacrifice, those things don't have a negative connotation to me. They have the connotation of, this is the role I have taken on in this family, and it's my job. It's what I'm supposed to do. So when I say, oh, I gave up that career path because this was more important to me, I don't see that as a bad thing, to describe it, we were all saying the same thing, was that sometimes it's healthy to let go of those goals and to pursue the path that we're supposed to be pursuing.

I had this thought this morning about, you know, as I want to do, I think human beings are in some ways incredibly frustrating creatures because we do very irrational things. There's a reason why I studied psychology so much in college, and it wasn't because the subject interested me. It was because I was trying to figure out people intellectually because figuring them out emotionally wasn't working very well. But in nature, there are birds out there and rabbits and, you know, so on and so forth. That rabbit is not going to try to be a bird. It's not going to try to grow wings.

It's not going to try to fly. It's not going to start, you know, pecking on trees. It's a rabbit. It's going to be a rabbit. And the bird's not going to try to be a rabbit. It's going to be a bird. In nature, things are what they are. And they pursue the path that is dictated by what they are.

They don't try, they don't expend all this energy of trying to get away from what they're meant to do, and yet human beings do. Human beings will develop drinking habits and develop addictions and work themselves into an early grave and they'll have heart attacks at 40 because they're so hell-bent on I'm trying to do this thing even if it kills me and sometimes that thing isn't what they're meant to do like we talked the other night about the fact that once like my career like my career really isn't something that I would necessarily say I'm proud of not like I'm ashamed ashamed of it, but it's where I work. It provides the living for my family. If I could make more money and better benefits with the same life balance, I'd go somewhere else tomorrow.

It means nothing to me. It's just my job. But the lifestyle it affords my family is what's important to me. But I know people that their job is a central part of who they are. And they would be hesitant to give up that job or they'd be hesitant to do anything to impact their career, even if it meant a better work-life balance, even if it meant more time with their family, even if it meant their health. balance, even if it meant more time with their family, even if it meant their health. Like, I hate to say it, but like I've had coworkers who literally like they were within a few months of retirement, they punched out one day because they were feeling bad, died on their couch that afternoon. Yeah. Just totally, 100% stress induced, you know, cardiac event. And I'm sorry to say,

but like I've, I've been the one to say time and time again, like husband and father is my highest calling. I would change careers in a split second if it helped me do this better, because this is more important to me. But I know people that won't do that. I know people that they would get in their heads up. Well, I spent 10 years working here. I've been working towards that corner office, or I've been working towards that top job, and that becomes the thing that drives them. But does it drive them because that's what they were born to do, was get that corner office and have the big desk?

Or were they born to do something else? Were they born to be a husband and father, or a wife and a mother? Were they born to start a family? Were they born to volunteer for their community? Were they born to be a teacher and influence the next generation of young minds? I just, I personally believe that like everyone has a predisposition to something in life. And I think that sometimes we have trouble finding that thing. Like you don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Although I think you do, but sometimes people don't want that. They fight against it. They rebel against it. They rebel against their own nature. They try to be

something they're not. And then they wind up in the situation where they're expending all their energy pushing in the wrong direction, trying to swim upstream. I think that's a generational curse that's been placed on our generation, our parents' generation, but mostly the Gen Xers and the millennials. There's always been this pressure. You have to be something. You have always been this pressure. You have to be something, you have to go to college, you have to do this. You have, there's always been these have tos and pressure that's been put on our shoulders of this is the only way to do this.

This is the only way you'll succeed. This is, and if you don't do it this way, you're a failure and you're, you know, not top tier in our whole structure of whatever. You know what I'm saying? And I, at least for us, and I've said this, I think, already today, but at least for us, but I think as a generation, we are breaking those curses. breaking those curses. We are not placing that pressure on our kids so much because we understand now that the college degree doesn't get you a six-figure job. And the amount of stress to figure out who you want to be when you grow up is not worth it because unless you're going to medical school or going to school for an exact degree that you're going to medical school or, you know, going to school for an exact degree that you're going to eventually work in one day, then the odds are that you're going to work in that field is very small. I mean, I know teachers who went to school for six years to get their

master's in education to teach, and then they get in the classroom for two years, and they're like, to get their master's in education to teach, and then they get in the classroom for two years, and they're like, absolutely not for me. And they're off whatever, real estate. They do all sorts of things. Things that didn't require a degree in the first place. But what I think we're going to start to see is,

as these generational curses, as these generational pressures that were placed on us begin to break with our generation, with our children. I think, I hope, maybe we'll start to see happier adults because they don't have to meet the standards of what their parents and grandparents have set for them. Yeah. You know, and that was, I was told that. You're going to go to college, you're going to graduate. I, you know, there were times where the bill was going, was threatened because of actions that I did in college. And, you know, I got my nose pierced and my grandmother said,

if you want me to continue to pay for college, then you will take that out of your nose. Well, it's something that I've always wanted and I got it done. And guess who took it out of her nose? You know, because I had to go to college and I had to graduate from college and I had to go get a career and all that stuff. And then here I am. I'm not even a certified teacher. I teach an enrichment class and I am the happiest i've ever been in my career the absolute happiest i've ever been in my career and when my students asked me the other day miss ravalee are you going to leave when piper leaves and i said no and their faces were like what like really i was like no i'm i'm happy i want to see y'all graduate like you know I I don't know

so I will just say that like full credit to my parents my my father was very much in the vein of like he encouraged an education I would never say he went so far as demanding it for him it was more of a he his conversations with me were very much centered around, you need to figure out how you're going to support yourself. Yeah. And then you need to commit serious attention and effort towards getting yourself established. But I agree with you. I think that a lot of people are coming around to more my way of thinking where it's like, i make plenty of money for us to have a very comfortable living i'm not going to go out and kill myself for that extra 10 i'm not going to

kill myself scratch for overtime or go you know i'm not making money is not the goal my goal is to be neighbor sorry our 20 year old neighbor just got a motorcycle. Yeah, but my ultimate goal is husband and father. So whatever furthers that goal of husband and father is what gets done. And if it doesn't further that goal, it doesn't get done. What's my kid going to appreciate more? A couple extra hours of my time or another, you know, five or ten thousand dollars in the savings account. Do you think that it's more important to push your child in a direction to not necessarily take care of themselves because that needs to be the goal? Like you have to be able to care for yourself.

You have to make enough money to pay rent and have a life. Or do you think it's more important that you're there to support their endeavors? Why not both? I mean, yeah, you could do both. Because here's the thing. I was raised to believe, and I've taken this mantle on myself, that a parent's ultimate goal is to prepare their children for the day they're not going to be there anymore. So the day you and I are both gone, she has to be able to stand on her own two feet pay her bills keep herself fed because if she can't do that without you and i managing her

we failed as parents that is our like my only goal in life the only job i have is as parent is to make sure she's one day self-sufficient before I have to check out of this world. I would like her to be happy. Happiness is her job, though. Finding happiness is her job. That's for her to figure out what makes her happy or who makes her happy. Her happiness is, I don't want to say her problem, but it's her job. Her happiness is, I don't want to say her problem, but it's her job. My job is to make sure that she stays alive long enough to find happiness. So I would say, am I going to support her endeavors?

Absolutely. I love the kid-like life itself. I want her to be happy. I want her to do all those things. But my job is to make sure she can support herself. So it has to be both things. Like if she's, if supporting her endeavors means that she has the motivation and the drive to move forward with being able to develop a career, cool. But if her, if her endeavors or whatever, you know, took away from her being able to provide for herself, then I'd be like, pop the brakes here for a second. Yeah. Like I would love to quit my job and be a full-time podcaster.

Be a lot of fun, but it's not going to pay the bills. So at a certain point, your endeavors have to take a backseat to a little bit of reality and a little bit of, I just, you have to be able to take care of yourself. I love,

I don't know who PBN members. That's James. Oh, hi James. I love your comment don't know who PBN member is. That's James. Oh, hi James. I love your comment. This is, he said that this is his favorite episode to date. Great work.

Thank you, James. The boss agrees. Uh, Kyle said, Kyle just wasted on me. Didn't have, didn't have to have a degree to work here.

I'm in a weird position where like, I didn't have to either. You do have to have a degree to work here. I'm in a weird position where like I didn't have to either. You do have to have a degree to have your position? Yep. I mean, I have to have a degree to have my position, but my position doesn't necessarily mean a teaching degree. Well, what I was saying was

I had to have a bachelor's degree to even get my foot in the door for an interview where I'm at. But I wouldn't say that I don't know. Like, a lot of the things I learned in college have come I'm at, but I wouldn't say that, I don't know, like, a lot of the things I learned in college have come in handy at the job I have now, but I would say a majority of what has made me so successful has actually been things that, like, I learned on the job, not just here, but in previous jobs, like, when I was in operations and general manager, I learned all kinds of things that I'm applying now,

which are making me very successful. So it's one of those things where it's like, I had to have the bachelor's degree to get in the door, but the work experience is what got me through. So I don't know. I'm hoping that I see a shift happening in the private sector where there's less and less emphasis on people having a bachelor's degree or a master's or a phd and there's more and more emphasis on like bringing people in an entry-level jobs and

it's sink or swim you come in here at the bottom you show me what you can do you move up based on that there is no more they're they're moving away from slowly stubbornly moving away from a two-tiered system where the non-college degrees go down here and do the grunt work and the college degrees automatically skip ahead in the line. They're moving away from that because they've seen this rash of kids that come out of college with a four-year degree, but they're functionally freaking stupid. They don't know how to do anything.

That's true. Somebody said that. Oh, it was Joe. He said, I've met too many college graduates that can't do anything for me. You. Somebody said that. Oh, it was Joe. He said, I've met too many college graduates that can't do anything for me. You can't do that. Would you stop? All right. Joe says, I've met too many college graduates that can't do anything for me to have a good impression of college education. Quotes, college education. Yeah. Well,, the analogy I would give is that like, if my boss says, Hey Phil, I need this. I'm not going to ask her. I might ask her for some input and be like, okay,

well, do you want this or do you want this? Do you want this? Do you want me to do it in a chart or your table? How much, how much granularity do you want the data elements? And that's really just so I can understand what she's asking for, but I'm not going to ask her whatity do you want the data elements? And that's really just so I can understand what she's asking for. But I'm not going to ask her, what color do you want this cell? What formula do you want this cell? And how do you want the report done? She doesn't care about all that. She wants me to use my intelligence and give her what she's asking for.

But I know a lot of these damn kids coming out of college that they can't think that far because their entire college education has been, here's an assignment, I get the assignment back, here's another assignment. Well, college is not what it was when we were in college. College is not. My personal opinion is college is a waste of time now because it's more of a daycare for emotions and feelings

and not so much learning is going on i don't know i would say that i would say that started when you and i were there it was starting it it hadn't quite taken over it hadn't quite taken over but again like you and i are you and i were unique amongst a lot of our peers because like you had a student worker job. I was working part-time and full-time all the way through college. Like I can remember getting invited to the bars with all these idiot, you know, 19, 20 year old kids. They were inviting me to go out, you know, with them because we were classmates. And I was like, um, nah, I got to go work. And then they, the, the, all the color were drained out of their face when they realized I was like 24 years old

engaged to be married, had an apartment had a full time job they're all like their whole world was I'm going to go to class and then I'm going to go do stupid stuff after class and they were just like you mean you're like an adult and I'm like yeah

I'm like a real adult not like a little boy anymore anyway gillian says i was an adult by the time i was 14 years old six not six it was a real adult by the age of eight kyle was saying that's the problem with my job people identify it with their life and that's that's very common in law enforcement and in military and in a lot of career fields where like it's not just the job it's them like i am a soldier i am a cop i am a nurse i am a whatever and it's a component of their their self-identity instead of just a job which i guess is like, and when I say it this way,

you have to understand, like, I take my job deathly serious. When I'm clocked in, I am 100% focused, do the best I can. Because that's my work ethic. But five seconds after I punch out, I don't care anymore. I don't care a little bit. Are you okay?

Okay. She's bouncing over here uh garm girl said my teacher teaches my sister teaches fifth grade and had a criminal justice degree yeah ben said i was an automotive tech to massage therapist to cook to CNC machines. One of these days, we're going to have to sit down and talk about our career progression because, especially through college, I did all kinds of stuff. I wouldn't say I bounced around from job to job, but the stuff I did was just to cover the full spectrum. Because again, it was just like my goal is to get through college. I don't care where I'm working. Just give me a job.

Carl Radley, not having college often limits you. I don't think that's the case so much anymore. It was in his generation. It wasn't. Yeah, definitely. And it was a lot in ours. But I don't think that's the case so much anymore. I think people are really starting to figure out just because they finished college doesn't mean that they're going to be a good employee. And what's worse is that a lot of

young people are getting out of college with a bachelor's degree. Oh, there's no jobs. Go back into college, get a master's, come back out. Oh, there's no jobs. Go back in, get a PhD, come back out. And now they've got a hundred grand in student loans stacked up and no one's going to pay them PhD money with no experience. Yeah. So their only job... Depending on the PhD. A doctor? A medical doctor?

Not all PhDs are medical doctors. And that's not what I'm saying. I know that. I know plenty of people who have PhDs not in the medical field, but they will get their PhD and make enough money to pay back those loans. Not in all cases. Not in all cases. Look, if you get a PhD in history, unless you go score something in academia and get tenured, unless, and there's not only so many of those jobs.

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Okay. There's enough people that are currently on social media lamenting their postgraduate work and how they're buried in student debt forever and they work as baristas at Starbucks to prove that what you're saying happens, yes, but what I'm saying happens too. I can't roll the dice on $100,000 in debt on a maybe I'll find a job. We're saying the same thing. Yes, but you're arguing with me regardless. Anyway. She just likes to argue with her husband. It must be a wife thing. I'm not even arguing with you. You're arguing with me.

Looks like we need some likes on this video chat. Kyle said, I'm on the clock watching this podcast. Get her some raisin canes, no slaw, extra fries, extra sauce. See, he knows where it's at. We're going to get raisin canes today, aren't we? We're going to have to. If we can get out of here and go get the errands done, we could probably do like a late lunch picnic over at the lakefront.

Okay. Well, let's finish this then. Okay. So all I'm going to say to wrap, to round this out is like, to me, giving up isn't a bad thing. Surrender isn't a bad thing. Compromise isn't a bad thing. Compromise isn't a bad thing. I always say that in my world, as I'm sure in most people's,

even if they don't have necessarily the verbiage put into words, in my world, everything is organized. Shock and surprise, I know. But my top priority in life is husband and father. Everything else comes after that. Everything else comes after that. So I would never give up anything that makes that, that, that I would never give up anything that forwards the pursuit of being a husband and father, because that is my absolute top goal. give up any goal, any pursuit, any endeavor that doesn't forward me down that path of being a better husband and father. Because it's all about, I am, I am releasing the things that are costing me energy and effort because they no longer serve me. And that could be career, that could be hobbies, it could be relationships that have turned toxic. It all comes back to what is your ultimate calling, your ultimate goal.

And, you know, sometimes you turn 40 and you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Or sometimes you're like me and like, I knew what I wanted to be. I knew what I wanted to be when I was a kid. And then that changed. And once it changed, I was like full speed that direction. And then it would change again. And I was full speed in that direction. But I've always had a goal that I drove towards. And when that goal changed, the old goal was given up immediately because it wasn't my path anymore. So I would just say that like, never allow your life to be spent chasing a goal that isn't yours anymore. Don't fall into the trap of, I've spent so much time or so much effort pursuing this. If it's not your path anymore, let it go.

And go do the thing you are meant to do. And if that thing is something as simple as, I am meant to be a housewife and stay home and have kids and take care of a family which is not simple it's well simple you and i are using the word simple differently my point is like if that's your goal it's full speed ahead lady you go you go get it if your goal is to run off to italy and work for lamborghini or ferrari then you know good luck learning that language and go have fun with it but But whatever your goal is, you have to, you have to do two things. In my opinion, you have to fully commit to that goal and pursue it relentlessly, but you also have to let go of anything that doesn't push you down that path. And when the goal changes, you're going to let go of this goal that fast to pursue the new goal relentlessly with everything you have that was a really good ending i'm good at that

every now and then i'm good at talking go mr rogers i i have so does this mean i have to trade in the t-shirts for the sweaters? Do you need a cardigan? I'm not shaving, though. I do have a cardigan. Oh, Lord have mercy. Anyway, so next weekend we will not be on because we will be out of town. But we should be back on the next, the following weekend.

So, anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday and the rest of your weekend. And thank you for joining us. There was something else I wanted to say. Raising canes. Well, yeah, raising canes is coming. Thanks, Kyle. Really quick before we jump off,

there is an episode that Sarah put out. I posted it on our YouTube channel. Okay, it's on our YouTube channel. We did a... Was it PBN Girls? Not all of us. Anyway, it was... It was Lady Preppers.

Well, it was about Prepper Camp. It was about Prepper Camp, which is coming up, going to be actually pretty quick before you think of it, before you... Whatever, it's going to be actually pretty quick before you think of it, you know, before you, whatever, it's going to be here before you know it. So go check out that episode. It was a lot of fun to do.

Jordan was there, Jane Austen. Oh, I can't remember the other lady's name, but she has been at Prepper Camp for quite a few many years. Was it Virginia? No, it wasn't Virginia. Did it start with a V, though? No, it didn't start with a V. I'm sorry. It started with an M, I believe. But anyway, she teaches a class at Prepper Camp. I haven't met her, but we'll have to hunt her down this year.

Yes. So anyway, and then it was Sarah Hathaway whose podcast we were on. So anyway, go check out that episode and remember that Prepper Camp is coming up to get your tickets we will all be there not just like the rabble is will be there but i think pretty much everybody's going to be there this year so anyway um go enjoy your beach day ben and um we'll see y'all later thank y'all for joining us today bye everybody Bye, everybody. Bye. Thank you.