The Prepper Broadcasting Network - Raising Values: Overcoming the Fear of Becoming Who You Are

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

https://www.facebook.com/RaisingValuesPodcast/www.pbnfamily.comhttps://www.instagram.com/raisingvaluespodcast/http://www.mofpodcast.com/www.prepperbroadcasting.comhttps://rumble.com/user/Mofpodcastwww.youtube.com/user/philrabSupport the showMerch at: https://southerngalscrafts.myshopify.com/Shop at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2ora9riPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/mofpodcastFear of judgement. Self doubt. Self sabotage. Questioning one's worth, knowledge, or experience. All of these and more can be massive emotion roadblocks preventing us from achieving that which we have laid before us, from becoming are best version of ourself. And each of us, no matter what we have accomplished in the past, can fall prey to it. Raising Values Podcast is live-streaming our podcast on our YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Rumble. See the links above, join in the live chat, and see the faces behind the voices.family, traditional, values, christian, spiritual, marriage, dating, relationship, children, growing up, peace, wisdom, self improvement, masculinity, feminity, masculine, feminine

Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Bill and Gillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. Welcome back to Raising Values. Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Raising Values. I had to make a very last second fix to the recording studio, aka prop up the corner of this so it wouldn't rattle the entire show. Very good. You fixed it. Awesome.

So I guess we'll get right into it. Hang on. I got to get the banners up. There we go. New merch. We talk about the merch every show. It's in the show notes. The link to purchase your merch is in the show notes. Link to purchase your merch is in the show notes, and that's always fun. Then we have the Raising Values Signal Chat. If you are a patron and you want to be a part of that, just let us know, and we can add you to the Signal Chat. We had a good conversation going this past week after our show last week. We had some patrons in there talking about some of the things that they get asked that should not be asked kind of things that kind of just grind their gears a little bit. So that was some good conversation.

I do have to apologize to people that are in that chat. When I'm at work, I'm kind of like I can't really – I can read it, but I'm not really responding because, you know, kids and all. But anyway, so yeah, we have some good conversations in both of our patron chats for Matter of Facts and Raising Values. So if you'd like to be a part of that, just let us know. You also get to meet Stuart, who is in our comments right now asking us to pause while he goes to get another cup of coffee. Yeah, he said at 946 that he was waiting again. So you had plenty of time there, Stuart, to get your coffee. That's all I'm saying. No, we're not going to wait, but you've heard all this before, so you can go get your coffee. And that's it.

That's it as far as business goes. So check the show notes for the link for merch if that's what you want to do and support Tiffany and Chris and their small business. So you could do that. And then, of course, the Signal Chat if you want to join this group of hoodlums. Hoodlums. That's a good word. Hoodlums. I will say that the hoodlums that are in both Matter Facts and the Raising Values Chat are much better behaved in the Raising Values Chat. It's a little more wholesome and less psychotic.

Yeah. Yeah, I would say that. We kind of tend to stick to what we're talking about on the show we don't so far i mean it's still fairly new and it's not a whole lot of people in there right now but it hasn't gone off the rails yet like matter of facts has and has never gotten back on the rails i say that was all the love in my heart for you guys and girls that are in that chat. It is muted, so you have to at me, so I'll go in there and read it. Usually, though, I'm about 250 messages behind, so I have to go in and catch up. So if you want to talk to me in the MOF patron chat, you have to make sure to add my name so I'll see it.

Otherwise, y'all are on your own. Enter at your own risk. So today's show topic is overcoming the fear of becoming who you are, which is a long way of saying being your authentic self. It's also a long way of saying not hindering yourself or the growth of yourself to become what you're supposed to be. And the backstory on this without giving too much away, because right now, Phil and I and his sister and her husband, I was going to say her wife, but her husband, no, he's very much a man, have started talking very aggressively about an idea that Phil has has had for a while. And this idea, I think Phil is shorting himself. I think his potential to

take this idea and make it something even bigger and better than what it is, the potential is there. And not only is the potential there, it's almost like, is there and not only is the potential there it's almost like it's almost like a duh like here it is kind of thing and um to kind of just give like a backstory are you going to be mad at me today no okay as long as you don't interrupt me okay don't cry are you crying no i'm fine i thought you were crying okay it's like wait we haven't even gotten there yet don't cry but i'll kick you under the table if i need to. Okay. Don't kick me either. Because everything I'm going to talk about today, I told you last night. It's just hard to reach all the way across you and kick you in your not bad ankle.

Oh, well, thanks. So you know. Anyway, so how many years ago did you start Matter of Facts? Eight years. did you start matter of facts eight years okay so eight years ago phil started matter of facts with a purpose of sharing his knowledge of being a survivalist being a prepper being someone who plans for the future and plans for things that could come to pass that could be devastating that frankly do come to pass i mean well yes they do a lot of things do come to pass. Well, yes, they do. A lot of things do come to pass. I mean, yeah.

I mean, we just went through another one of those, you know, the ports shut down because of the strike. And so everyone was out panic buying toilet paper again. What is the deal with toilet paper? Don't y'all know what a bidet is? Toilet paper, milk, and bread. Ladies that have had children, a peri bottle. They're $10 on Amazon. Just get a peri bottle.

You won't need all the toilet paper. Now there's going to be a run on those. Well, there was after COVID. Some moms were like, oh, I have my peri bottle. If you don't know what that is, it's like a handheld bidet, and it's for moms who have had um vaginal birth and need a little extra help um cleaning themselves after they have a baby um they're amazing and it's just super simple anyway i'm blushing and you can see it on on the screen anyway um so phil started

matter of facts eight years ago because of an of something that happened down in South Louisiana where the floods shut off the interstate on two sides and people were stuck in the middle on the interstate. And they were there for hours. They couldn't get away from their cars. They couldn't get off the interstate because there were now two rivers in front and back of them. And they were helicoptering in supplies to these people. And I think my opinion is that Matter of Facts podcast has done an amazing job of spreading the word and getting the knowledge of how to plan for the future and plan for things like this. You, Andrew, and Nick have talked about all sorts of ways to survive and prep. And that's a word we're trying to get away

from is prepper because it carries so many negative connotations. But how to just plan for these things. Phil has even written a book about, well, it was a fiction book, but you put some of those things in there. You put a lot of those lifestyle ways in that book, in your fiction novel. And my opinion is it's time to grow. It's time to do a little bit more. And this vision that Phil had when he started the podcast, it's like, check, you've done that. And you've reached, it's like a game. I'm addicted to this game right now called Farmville.

It's so stupid. But you have to complete different tasks. And you get check marks. It's so stupid. But you have to complete different tasks and you get check marks. And after each check mark, you get coins or you get cash or you get not real cash, but cash to build your farm and build your city. And that's kind of what I see for you is that you've now checked off this task list of things that you need to do.

You've attended Prepper Camp. You've talked to hundreds of people. You've had them on your show. You've been invited to be a guest. You and Andrew and I don't know if Nick has. Yeah, Nick has too on other people's podcasts and shows and all that stuff. And what I think has happened is it's kind of gone stagnant. You've reached who you're going to reach. And like you said last night, you're kind of in an echo chamber now. And so can I talk about the idea? Sure, I guess.

I mean, I've already talked to the patrons about it, just kind of high level. Okay, so not all the details. Not all the details. So the idea is to now take the podcast into a... More of a physical... A physical setting where we're meeting with people and talking to them and teaching them about this lifestyle. And it's not just on a social media platform or, you know, you're not listening to it just on a podcast. We're actually going to have a physical location where you can come in and talk to experts in all the different knowledge that you need to learn about this lifestyle. So what happened last night was, poor Phil,

What happened last night was, poor Phil. I don't know if y'all can feel his energy coming through the audio or even the visual right now. But he's super stressed. And me and his sister and brother-in-law caused that stress last night unintentionally. But only because we know that Phil is capable capable of so much more this idea is great it's a great idea that he has but we're going we need to make it more than it is because it has the potential to be there and we have the capability to make it that now and so with the support of the three of us we think that you could take this and really do something with it and stay true to your mission, which is to get the knowledge out. No longer gatekeeping this prepper lifestyle, this survivalist lifestyle, because there are a lot of gatekeepers out there.

And reaching as many people as possible so that they're prepared for whatever happens, even if it's just the knowledge of a peri bottle versus running out of toilet paper. You know what I'm saying? Like just having that knowledge. And so last night, of course, or yesterday, of course, I'm still without a topic for the show because that's just how my life is. And I'm sorry for that, but that's just how it is. So I didn't have a topic. And as we're sitting on the back porch last night and we're discussing this idea and how we can make it grow and all that stuff,

I could see my husband shrivel a little bit more into a stress ball because it is a big task, what we were saying. And what I always say about anything in life and what I certainly say about starting down this road of survivalism and prepper and all that stuff is how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time? An elephant is huge, but you can eat it one bite at a time. And so this task, this dream that you have, this potential that is there is an elephant. It might even be two elephants, but we're going to eat elephant one bite at a time just to see it happen. And so I said, Phil, why don't we talk about overcoming the fear? Because there aren't many times when I've seen you scared, and this scares the hell out of you.

hell out of you. Well, I mean, it's, so it's not just wanting to like, because I feel like with the podcast, we've tried to break down the stigma of preparedness. We've tried to normalize it. We've tried to show people that like, to this day, the greatest compliment we ever got was from Holly when she met us, all of us for the first time and said, yeah, y'all are really normal. And I was like, thank Christ. Like, you know, that, all of us for the first time, said, yeah, y'all are really normal. And I was like, thank Christ. Like, you know, that's exactly what I've been going for for all these years is to show y'all that, you know, the crazy tinfoil hat prepper people are not what the media has made us out to be. And that we are normal people. Like, our kids go to school with your kids. And we work with you and your spouses.

Like, we're in the community. We just see things differently. We do things a little differently. And, you know, like my perspective has always been that I feel like 95% of what preparedness really is, is honestly what I grew up with living on the Gulf Coast, having to get ready for hurricanes. It's all the same principles. It's we need shelter. If our shelter isn't a defensible position because the storm's going to be so bad or we're in a low light area, we have to find alternate shelter. But we still need shelter. We still need food. We still need water. We still need all those things.

The only difference between my viewpoint on the world and the person who just leaves it to chance is I'm not willing to leave it to chance. So I plan for plan A and plan B and plan C. And if I run out of all those plans, then we get to the point of improvising things. But I have fought really, really hard with the podcast over the years. I have fought really, really hard with the podcast over the years. And Andrew and Nick have fought along with me to try to make sure that this podcast stays in this lane of this is supposed to be normal stuff. We're not talking about zombies. We're not talking about the end times and the rapture and revelations.

We're not talking about, I don't want to call it crazy stuff, but we're not talking about things that are unlikely to happen. We're talking about things that are guaranteed to happen. Right. Like when I talk about getting ready for a natural disaster, just because you didn't have a flood today doesn't mean somebody in the world didn't have a flood today. Like just because it wasn't your turn to get screwed today, somebody else's was. And what I really have wanted to do over the last couple of years is I've seen the preparedness community get boxed into a corner on social media, which we've talked about. I understand what's going on. I see the game. I see the, you can literally, I can take you back through my timeline and I can show you the day the shadow banning started because you can see our reach on an upswing and then it just fell off the cliff and it has never recovered since.

And I know what's going on there. I know we've, I know we've been boxed into a corner and I feel like we, this podcast, this effort, this idea that started in 2016 has reached a point where continuing to put content out on the internet, it has a utility. And I won't stop doing it. But I feel like what needs to happen right now is that those of us in this lifestyle have got to pivot out of that echo chamber. have got to pivot out of that echo chamber. And we have to start looking at how do we build local community power in a way that, frankly, the preparedness community has been very hesitant to for a lot of years. For a lot of years, we kept our heads down because of the stigma and the shame.

Not even like we were ashamed of what we were doing, but the shame being hurled at us. Right. The derision and the comments. Oh, you're a prepper? Exactly. What are you, planning for zombies? I had somebody at work tell me that a couple years ago. Yeah.

But my point is like, and not just that, but there's also this built-in fear in the preparedness community about, well, if I tell too many people what I'm into, it exposes me and my plans and my preps. Because now I've got more people that know where to come looking for food when things get rough. And I feel like we in the preparedness community have got to kind of bet the farm. We have to start looking at our local community. We have to start trying to wake up the people who are not awake yet or who are just starting to crack their eyeballs open. And we have to start getting them engaged.

The steward, who I hope is still watching, he said it best. The day after Hurricane Ida, we had a tree in the front yard and a tree sitting on the house. If we lived in the Houston area, I would have had two men in our front yard the next morning with chainsaws ready to help me rip it apart. Instead, I had this group of neighbors who were not a ton of help. Well, some of them weren't even here.

Some of them weren't here. Most of them are not physically able. And the ones who are physically able sat in their house, not my problem. So it's one of those situations where it's like, yeah, the day after Hurricane Ida, I was hurting. We were in bad shape. We had our basic needs taken care of, but we did not have the tools or the manpower to overcome what was in front of us until your sister and your brother-in-law came from North Louisiana to save us. And Stuart's right.

What we need, what the preparedness community needs is that 911 call. You can call, and it's people within 15 to 20 miles of you who can show up on your doorstep when things are bad. And we all need that. We all have to have that. Because the day after a hurricane or the day after a flood, what I've seen going on, and we're actually talking to Eddie on Matter of Facts podcast this Thursday about North Carolina and the flooding up there and the disaster response and all of that. And like, I guess my point of view is it's like the day after something like that happens,

you have you, you have your family, you have your neighbors. That's it. FEMA is 400 miles away in Washington, D.C. They haven't even figured out how to get to you yet. All these civilian relief organizations, which God bless them for doing what they're doing, they're not there yet. And even when they do get there, they're coming in basically with their hat in their hand, trying to pull donations in behind them while they're coming into the area to try to help. But the people who are already there are you and your neighbors. And if you and your neighbors have an agreement to pool resources and if you have enough people in that mindset that you can engage, you can start fixing problems very quickly. You can start helping fixing problems very quickly. You can start helping

a jerk very quickly. So that is kind of where my mindset is now is that putting this content out in the internet, it is waking people up slowly. It is bringing people in and that has to be something we continue to do. But what also needs to happen is that we all in this community need to start reaching out and building those local mutual assistance groups because we're going to need them one day and they're going to need us. There are people in this community who would really benefit from having the crazy tinfoil hat wearing people on their side if they're willing to pull resources with us and we're willing to kind of help each other out. But I don't know where they are yet. I don't know who they are. They're keeping their

head down just like we are. So that's kind of what provoked me down this path. And what I'd come to the conclusion of was probably the best way to do it, honestly, was, I mean, short of putting out a sign on the road and seeing Evaded by Recall a phone number, was literally just to put on our own little preparedness event. And I have some very specific ideas about how I want to run that event. Frankly, it's going to be a one-day, very streamlined event. It's going to be the kind of thing that is a light enough lift, we could host that event multiple times a year in the local area because of how close it is to our home and everything. And that's kind of the whole point of doing this is that these events have got to start taking place close to the people that are in this lifestyle.

Like if you are the only person in the preparedness lifestyle you know within 20 miles of you, you might want to consider doing something like this because it allows you to pull those people in and build that network and start to get to know those people because we're going to need them. I'm sorry. I just had an idea and I want to put it down before I forget. So keep talking. Okay. Well, and the thing is, so that was the seed that started this topic. Don't forget to write down whatever you were going to write down. Well, I was giving you something to talk about while I wrote it down.

Okay. That was the seed that started this topic, but we're not just going to focus on you because I know that this is very stressful for you and very overwhelming right now. So our first banner are fears that hold you back from becoming who you are or who you're supposed to be or your authentic self. A friend of mine told me a year, maybe a year and a half ago now, to just be my authentic self. That took me about six months to unpack. What is my fear? What, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

what, who is my authentic self? Who am I? And then you wrote down a bunch of fears that hold you back from becoming your authentic self. I'm going to write down this idea really quick. Okay. So,

I mean, I guess my, my cons, my concerns around this event are like from, from my perspective, I'm still, I have the idea. I think I can provide,

I mean, people have said I can talk the ears off a brass monkey. I know I can stand in front of a group of people and, you know, pump their head full, full of information until they just desperately wish I would shut up and leave them alone. I think at this point in our journey of preparedness, because like eight years ago, we started out, even I had a lot to learn in this lifestyle. And after eight years, I feel like I've kind of like, I've wrapped my arms around enough of the disciplines within preparedness that I can speak somewhat intelligently on a lot of different things. My concerns are, first of all, I don't

know how many people in this area, which we live in, you know, it's not like a state secret. Having a last name like mine, it's not exactly hard to find me if you know how to Google because there's just not a ton of us around. But like, you know, in Southeast Louisiana, St. Tammany Parish, Tangipahoa Parish, Washington Parish, in this area, I don't honestly know how many people are in this lifestyle or even open to it. So that's on the one hand. this lifestyle or even open to it. So that's on the one hand. I don't know if we do this one time and we say, you know what? Nobody showed up. This avenue we're pushing down may not be the way to go. Maybe we need to step back and reformat. I don't know. So that's one thing. The other thing of it is, is that I had originally started down this road. And again, bearing in mind that the idea is that, yes, I want to run a local event for the people here. Cause I feel like we

need them to start getting engaged, but I also wanted to try to leave some kind of a pathway for other people to emulate what we're doing so they can run a local event to them and do their own thing. And like, you know, the mission spreads itself kind of thing. But I have some concerns around that in the fact that I am worried that if we do the work, if we build this in something like a brand, then somebody takes that brand and does something with it that would really piss me off. Because the things I don't want is I don't want this to become a big corporate interest. I don't want a lot of money in it. I don't want a lot of vendors. I worry about what we're trying to do here becoming hijacked by money and by other interests. Because that's not the point here is to, you know,

fill up a vacation fund for our family. That's not what we're doing here. That's not why I did the podcast. That's not why I started the podcast. I worry that if enough money starts changing hands, the message is going to get lost. I know I would resist that, and I think you would, but I worry that if we start spreading this to other people and say,

hey, look what we did, you can run one of these events too, they take our name and then they turn in something big and corporate that I don't want it to be, and then my name's still attached to it. Or now all of your intellectual property has been stolen because it was a free-for-all kind of thing, and you've done all the legwork for someone else to take it, and now they're making hand over fist. The message is getting lost, and your dream has now been snuffed out because somebody else came in and took it because you did all the legwork. That's my fear. But you had a list of fears that you read off to me before the show started.

You'll have to talk while I dig that list back. Okay. So I think, yes, we're using your idea as an example in this. And I don't want you to say too much because it's not even, we haven't even, we've done like one step in the whole process and, or maybe two or three. But anyway, the fear of becoming your authentic self, there's so many different fears. It's the fear of what people will think, what people will say. Maybe you lose friendships. Maybe you lose family members. Maybe becoming this person is scary for some people. I always tell my sister that some friendships are seasonal, that sometimes you will have

people come in and out of your life for different seasons. And that's not a bad thing. Those people were there for a reason. You were in their life for a reason. And then that reason has been met that another tick mark has been checked off. And it's time to move on. Maybe you've grown from that. Maybe you've learned more about yourself to become more of your authentic self.

So those are some fears that I was thinking of. But then you had some too. And I said some of those. Those are some fears that I was thinking of, but then you had some too. And I said some of those. Well, and my perspective on the whole fear of losing friends is if me being true to myself makes me lose friends, have fun burning that bridge I'll hand you the matches. That sounds very flippant, but that's always been my personality.

If you don't want to be friends with me because you don't like who I am, cool beans, my life will continue on. Like I just, it sounds like I'm trying to put on front, but you know me better than that. Like I legitimately do not care. I need, I need very few people in my life to be happy. But then there are people like me who value friendships. And the older I get, the less I care. It's there's this I always go back to the memes there's this meme going around right now and it says if you die today who are the six people carrying your coffin and it pans over to this one man dragging a coffin down the street and he goes my husband better be lifting weights or something

because he's the only one that's going to be carrying my coffin. So I'm at that point in my life. I have friends and we have our community. Well, but don't misunderstand. It's not that I don't value friendship. I define it in such a way that if me being me causes me to lose that friend, you just told me we were never friends to begin with. Or that that person, like, that person was a seasonal friend. And that was, you two needed to be friends for that amount of time for whatever purpose you got out of that friendship. And now it's time to move on. Not that you weren't friends. Of course you were friends.

We define friendship differently. We do a lot of things differently. Opposites tracked. Alright, so I had to pull this out of the show notes because that's where I put them instead of making them into

banners. But, you know, you're welcome to fire your podcast producer if I'm not doing an adequate job. He's so moody today. He's so moody today. He's so moody. Why don't you read your list, Moody McNeiderson? So, and this doesn't all apply to like our specific situation right now, but like fear of judgment is a big one. A lot of people are very concerned about how are others going to view my decision?

How are others going to view if this is like a change of lifestyle? A lot of people are very concerned about how do other people view this? How do my parents view this? How do my coworkers view this? How does my husband or my child view this? If you're considering making like a very abrupt, if you're questioning a belief system, a lot of people get very concerned about letting that information out. And in today's, in 2024's day of like hyper-partisan politics around everything, there's also a lot of concern about, well, if I tell people I support this candidate over this candidate, then what did that cost me, friends? Or if your core values change. Which, frankly, that happens. I mean, mine have in the last year.

I think everyone's core values are supposed to evolve with age. Because how would they not? The difference between 21-year-old Gillian, 22-year-old Phil, and who we are today is, it's, it's a mountain. We, we've, we've changed. I feel like my values didn't change much. My personality changed a lot. Like how, how I approach those host different things has changed. But at the end of the day, like by the time you met me, I had already solidified a lot of things I believed in. But the difference between me at 22 when you met me and me at say 17 was night and day. And see, I thought that I had some very core like structural

things in my life solidified until you start questioning them and still i started questioning those values and those thoughts and that upbringing and you know things like that and then i started going well i i don't know if i believe that so much anymore. I don't know if that is really me. I don't think that that's, it's at least not my authentic self at 40, almost 41 years old. Was it when I was 21? Yeah. Was it when I was 35? Yeah. But it's not, it's not who I am anymore. And I think you have to give yourself, and that's what I have been struggling with, is giving myself the grace to be able to break away from those foundational elements that I grew up believing in and saying, this is okay. You're not going to hell. You're not going to die.

This is okay to break those things. okay to break those things. And yet like the ability to question those things is in itself one big difference between you and I, because you were taught not to question things when you were young. Whereas I can remember my dad at a fairly young age, like telling me you have to question things. You have to make your own decisions and figure out your own path. My dad's point of view, at least from what I recall as a young man, was always like, there's going to be a day when I'm not going to be there with you. I'm not going to be holding your hand. I'm not going to be talking to the police. I'm not going to be talking to the judge. No matter what the situation is, there will be a day when you're a grown man and you have to accept the consequences of your actions by yourself.

I cannot be there to get between you and what's coming your way. And because of that, you have to figure out how to make your own decisions. You have to figure out what lifestyle you want to lead. If you want to be a good person or a bad person or a calm person or an angry person. good person or a bad person or a calm person or an angry person. I mean, like my dad was even, even putting this in terms of like, just found like way beyond values or beliefs, but like the, the personality you choose to exhibit has an impact on how people treat you. You have to, you have to figure all that out because I can't, I'm not going to eat the consequences for you. that out because I can't, I'm not going to eat the consequences for you. I can't, you're going to have to deal with it one day. So because of that, I wouldn't even say I was like allowed to question

things. I was told you have to question these things. This is what I think is the right path, but you have to ask yourself, is that the right path for you? Because I can't decide that. See, we were told to question certain things. You could question certain things. You could ask those questions, but you absolutely never, ever questioned religion. You never questioned what the preacher said. You never questioned what the Bible said. You never questioned. It is what it is. And if you question it, then you have fallen from grace or your relationship with God is not where it should be. And what have you done? Why have you broken that relationship?

Don't you trust the Lord? All that stuff. And so it was always fear-based to not answer questions. I mean, I was even told, and I think I've said this before, I was even told as a child that if I didn't pray a certain way, God was not going to listen and hear my prayers. And so I could still remember and see my Sunday school teacher's face when she was telling me that and the fear. And I just started crying in Sunday school thinking, I am 12, 13 years old and God has never heard my prayers because I didn't pray a certain way.

And I just thought, I'm going to hell. I'm literally going to hell because God has never heard my prayers because I didn't pray a certain way. And I just thought, I'm going to hell. I'm literally going to hell because he's never heard my prayers. I'm saved. I was raised Baptist. I'm saved. I've been baptized. But it doesn't matter because he's never heard my prayers. And I went home and I questioned that. And I was basically told, well, what did your Sunday school teacher say? And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to hell. I'm literally going to hell. And so I guess cat out of the bag a little bit. So this year I have been super brave enough to start questioning those things. It took me 40 years to begin to heal from the religious trauma. And I know that that's such a...

Trauma is such a... Trauma is such a word right now, and I get that. But it definitely was. My life was lived with this, even in my 30s. And I lived this life of fear if I still didn't do something or if I didn't go... I would cry on Easter Sunday when we didn't go to church. It took me a while to be okay with myself to say, okay, well, now we've gone to three different churches in this area. We've been treated like

crap at each one of the churches, and now we're not going to church. And so it took me a long time to be okay with the fact that we'll just worship God how we worship God in this house, and it'll be fine. And then I have to start questioning all the things that I was taught in the Baptist church of, well, if you don't go to church, you're not worshiping with other Christians and blah, blah, blah. And so it doesn't count kind of thing. It just doesn't count. You can't worship at home. You have to be with others i don't know i'm not i'm not trying to downplay anybody's religion or beliefs i can tell you that in regards to this show topic it took me it has taken me

because it's still a process because i still go through that. Oh, that's not what I was taught. And I have to I have to really question whether I should do this or not. But I've broken away from a lot of those a lot of those chains of just oppression from the religious the way that I was raised. And so that is what that is one of the areas that i have become my authentic self i have broken away from a lot of those things i have questioned a lot i have done research upon research upon research i've talked to different people and i am now better for having questioned those things because i feel like it as a child and as an adult I felt like there was always something behind the curtain like there was something back there

and we weren't supposed to see it in this lifestyle that I grew up in. Wizard of Oz vibes. Very much and you weren't supposed to see it but but the truth was back there. But you couldn't touch it because you're just a lonely little, you know, whatever. And only certain people got to see the truth or hear the truth or whatever. And so it was almost like if you, okay, I'm very visual in my head. It's almost like Dorothy running up to the curtain and exposing, you know, the, the wizard of Oz, quote unquote.

I thought it was Toto that drug the curtain back. Yeah. But I mean, Dorothy was there. So yeah. Oh my gosh, you and your authentic self. Anyway,

that's, that's been what I have been working on is becoming my authentic self in my religious and spiritual life. So keep going. I'm not done yet. Quit trying to rush me. Somebody come get this man. Well, but I was going to say like, in contrast to what you described growing up, I was literally

politely arguing with priests when I was 14 years old. Right. Because the things- I was too afraid to argue with the preacher. Oh, hell no. I was too afraid to argue with my dad about it. I still won't bring it up with my dad because he is so gung-ho Christian religious

that, you know, whatever, that now I just roll my eyes. I'm like, you are ridiculous. This is ridiculous. But you do you, boo. My dad's the one that taught me to question things. He can't very well get aggravated at me for questioning things. I mean, sorry. But I mean, no, I was literally I was I can remember being 1415 years old leading up to confirmation in the Catholic Church. And I would ask questions. And I, the answers I was

getting was basically because I said so. And I was like, I literally told one priest, I'm like, if you can't come up with a better answer than because I said so, I'm rejecting everything you just told me. And his, his chin touched his collar. He was, I was polite. I was as polite as I knew how to be at that age. But I was just like, this makes no freaking sense. And I get the idea of religion is you have to take certain things on faith. But I was hearing things I consider to be contradictory. And I'm like, it cannot be this and this at the same time. It cannot be. And if you're telling me it is, then there's an explanation I'm missing. Or I'm looking for understanding.

I'm not looking to be told, shut up and do what I said. Because my parents can tell you that that never worked well with me growing up as a child. Like I wanted to understand the why. Because the why would make me buy into the idea and put my weight behind it. But just do what I said that never worked well. But anyway, so fear of judgment obviously doesn't seem to have been an issue for me much, but I do feel like specific to this idea we're talking about, I mean, yeah, there might have been a little bit of that and not even in terms of like going on the internet eight years ago under my full name, I threw, I took

all my anonymity and lit it on fire in the front yard. So we've heard the jokes and the, you know, people talk in your ear about, oh, your husband's one of the crazy prepper people. Like I wear that i get it i don't it's whatever but there is it like i told you last night if we do if we if we pivot to doing something like we're talking about doing now there are going to be people in the community who will have an opinion about it like what makes you think you're the expert to do something like this versus leaving it in the hands of our elders, the more senior people in the community, that's coming. I know it is. And it's one of the situations where it's like, I know it's coming. I know there's no way to avoid it. And if it, when it comes to my doorstep, they're not going to like the response they get.

Because my answer is no one is doing it here. No one is doing it here. There is no preparedness community event in this area. No one is doing it here. And that's what I told you last night as we were driving home. I'm like, you know, like to me that I always get in this weird position where like, I don't do things for like, I don't do things for my own image or whatever. I don't want to do this event because it makes me look good. I don't want to do this event for money. I don't want to do it. None of those things mean anything to me. I want to do the event because I see a need and I don't see anybody else stepping into the gap to do it. And it's like I told you the other day, that is my personality that if no one else will step up and do it, I will step up and

do it because it needs to be done. I might get pissy about the fact that I have to do it when somebody else really should do it or somebody else should be willing to help, but I will be grown up and go in and say, fine, nobody else is doing this. I'm going to do it myself. May not do it as well as somebody else could, but I'm going to try. And that's the people were in really bad shape that they had no right to be in. We had a neighbor who had no water, no water, no drinking water the day after a hurricane. And there's no excuse for that. That is way past, oh, well, we were out of power for eight days and I ran out of fuel for my generator. Maybe you only had two or three days stacked up. I get it. But the day after Hurricane Ida and he

had no water to drink, I hear, I've met people like this and I think to myself, there's a whole world of people out there that have got to start hearing what we're trying to say. They have to. Anyway, that was a rant. You did rant. I was just watching.

That's okay. But like I said, it's one of those things where it's like, I don't even know if I'm like the best person to do this. Okay. That goes to your next one. Self-doubt. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I'm the best person to do this.

There's probably somebody out here more knowledgeable, more of a subject matter expert in specific subjects maybe with a broader base of knowledge maybe they just have more contacts than i do like there might be somebody out there that could do this event and could pull in five or six super knowledgeable people and have better information have a better event do it better than i can do it. But they're not doing it. They're not doing it. But you also have three people who are subject matter experts in the things that they're going to teach and do and show. They are subject matter.

It is our life. That is what we live. And this is where I need to tell you that if somebody comes up and says, well, why you? Well, check your facts. Check our facts. Check what we're telling you. If it's true, then what's wrong with it?

You're just mad because you didn't get up and do it. You have a lot of self-doubt. But you also have a team of people that are going to pick up the pieces in their field that they know. I know event planning. I have done event planning for 20 years. I know that our first event is not going to be where you judge if we continue. You do not do that. Your first event is going to be low numbers. Your first event is going to be, you know, not many people are going to hear about the event, whatever. You build on that. It's not going to just like, you're not going to be, you know, not many people are going to hear about the event, whatever. You build on that.

It's not going to just like you're not going to hit the ground running at full speed. You're going to hit the ground running and probably stumble a little bit. You are going to get people that come out to an event and say, oh, well, I would have done it this way. Or, oh, let me tell you what I know, which is good because, again, not gatekeeping the information. That's the whole point of this event is to share knowledge. And we're not going into an event like this and saying we are the be-all, end-all of preppers. We are the be-all, end-all of survivalists.

We know all there is to know. And what you have to say is, you know, it doesn't matter. Because why would we do that? We won't do that. What I need you to stop doing is doubting yourself. There are so many things that you've done in your life that no one else can say that they've done. Especially people in this community that we live in. No one else can say a lot of the things that you've done in your life. This is just a hurdle that you have to jump

over. But the cool thing is, is you've got three people that are going to hands and knees, you step on our backs to get where you need to get. Because this is so important to you. We're willing to do what it takes to get you there, to make you see your goals, to get to that end result, to put this mission out there and do exactly what you wanted to start doing eight years ago. It's just time. It's evolved. You've lived this season of your life as Matter of Facts co-host. Now it's time to do something more. You've learned the information. You've lived the life. Now it's time to share that information with other people. If it's simply just to create a mag in this area, okay, cool. Check that off. Now let's move on to the next goal and keep moving on to the next goal.

It doesn't matter if it only stays in this area. It doesn't matter that you never get anyone else to say, oh, really cool show, bro. Can I have it? It doesn't matter because what you've done now is you've reached 10 people, you've reached 50 people. You've reached 200 people. And then it just continues to grow and tumble down, gathering, whatever. So this whole self-doubt thing, I think, stems from the fear of the elephant. There is a bit of that. Because. I mean, I've never. I'm not an event planner.

I mean, I do project management a ton for work. As a matter of fact, that's what I'm probably going to be doing this afternoon is working OT for my full-time job. But I mean, I do project management, so I get the principles involved in putting things together and making them make sense. But I've never worked for or started a 501c3. I've never worked for a nonprofit. I've never written a grant. I've never done. Oh, hi. Hi. Let me introduce myself to you. I've worked for nonprofits for 20 years. I've probably wrote that many grants in my life and had that many events. Nice to meet you. But it leads to the next thing. Your self-doubt is leading to self-sabotage. I'm afraid what's going to happen is you're going to get

so muddled down with your self-doubt that you're going to self-sabotage yourself. You're already self-sabotaging yourself by saying this first event is not going to be anything. And, you know, we are probably only going to get five crayon eaters. We're going to have a basket of crayons out for snacks. My Marines out there, I love y'all, but crayon eaters. We're going to have five crayon eaters at the event. It's not going to amount to anything. And what I'm saying is, well, first off, don't doubt my marketing skills. Don't doubt me getting out there and spreading the word. Don't doubt what I can do for an event because that's what you're doing.

You're saying this isn't going to work because whatever. But what you're really saying is, I don't believe in my team right now either. I don't believe that my team's going to make this work. Okay? Well, and some of the things y'all were talking about last night was, I understand y'all were saying this was like years and years and years down the road, but I can't see it yet. I know.

I can't see it. I think we can run a local event. I guess we'll just have to kind of hold our breath and see what it ends up being. Self-doubt leads to self-sabotage. And those are, I guess, fears that hold you back. Because once you start talking negatively about yourself and your abilities to do something, that is when you start saying, I just don't think I can do this. I don't think I'm going to do this. I think this is too much for me. And then you're no longer, you remain stagnant. You no longer

push yourself to do something greater. And we're not, I'm not talking about your event and your idea. I'm talking about in general, this, this is like an everyday kind of thing. Like you should meet challenges. You should want challenges because then you just get stagnant. And this is a new challenge for you. You've done some very challenging things in your life. This is something new. And you have to consider the self-doubt and then you got to get rid of it because you are slowly self-sabotaging yourself with this idea. And I'll go run it. I'll do it myself. You can just come.

We have crayons. You want markers? What do you want? Coloring sheets. We'll do it. What's your other thing? Questioning. Oh my God.

Yes. Questioning is one. Questioning one's worth is another fear. I'm just going to take your list from here because I see you doing all of these things. You are one of the most brave, fearless, gung-ho people I know. You are what gives me my calm. You are what I run to when I'm feeling all of the negative in my life. You're what I go to. You're the strong force. You are the, I don't know any

more adjectives to tell you, but you question your worth. What I need you to do as your wife and business partner in a couple of things now is to stop questioning your worth. You've gotten this far. You're obviously worthy of it. You're obviously capable of it. And those things I haven't seen you fail. I don't know of a time I've seen you fail, except for not having a chainsaw when the tree fell on the house. That was a failure. I got him, Stuart.

I got him. But I haven't seen you fail, mainly because you're so meticulous about thinking about the future. You're so meticulous about looking at all the different variables that this idea or this plan or this whatever, this idea that you have can take you down. And not only have you thought about all the ways, all the places that this could take you, you have totally examined every one of those roads that you could go down, which is where your self-sabotage comes in, because some of those roads are freaking scary as hell. Some of those roads you can't see down the future,

so it is scary. But you're questioning yourself on whether or not you can do this, if you're capable of it or whatever. And again, that's where we're all saying, no duh, bro, Again, that's where we're all saying, no duh, bro, you've got this. But you also have a team behind you to keep going. That's how businesses thrive. They get a core group of people that are so behind the mission of that business that it doesn't matter what's going to happen. We're going to push through. Those people are pushing that business through those hard times,

through the whatever they come in contact with. They're pushing through. So you're not in this alone, but you're worthy of it and you're worth it. And you've got to stop the self-doubt and the questioning of yourself. What's the next one? Your knowledge? Really? Knowledge? You're the smartest person I know.

You know, not only do you know prepping and survivalism enough that you could really teach classes and do these things, but when you, your little autism is tisoming most of the time, okay? When you get interested in a subject, you don't eat the elephant one bite at a time. You gulp the whole damn thing down at once, and then you just sit there and like marinate in all of this knowledge that you've just gained. And sometimes you're, I'm still learning about espresso and coffee beans and tasting espresso and this grinder that you have. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Just make my coffee, you know, but you, you become an expert in everything that you get yourself into everything that you, every path you go down that you're, you find interest in, you become an expert in that because you have so many questions and you have so many roads that you can go down and explore this.

And I think your knowledge base, just, just in, you know, tiny little snippets of research alone is more than what the common man has. And when we're talking about this idea in particular, you know more than most people, which gives you the leg up to teach it, to talk about it, because you are an expert in that field. You've not only lived this life for eight years, probably 10, even longer, most of your life, you are a subject matter expert in prepping and survivalism. You're an expert in coffee and espresso and nods and handguns. You're a subject matter expert in everything, mainly just because that is how you live your life. You find a topic that you enjoy, and you want to learn every single thing there is to learn about it. And somewhere in that brain of yours,

you have different compartments that have endless capacity that you just keep all that knowledge in. So you don't self-doubt your knowledge because that knowledge is there. And then your experience rolls into that too. I'm reading from his phone, by the way. The experience rolls into that. You just said you lived this life growing up because your dad taught you how to prepare for a hurricane. Your dad taught you how to plan financially. Your dad taught you all

these things. That didn't start eight years ago. That started 40 years ago, 41 years ago, that started. Your dad planted that seed, your mom planted that seed, and you being Phil and the brain that you have and the tendencies that you have, all that did was grow these giant orchards of experience and knowledge. Why wouldn't you? That's my next banner. Why wouldn't, I think it is, why wouldn't you want to share that? And even though, yeah, that one, why wouldn't you want to be your authentic self? Why wouldn't you want, this is a mission that you've created, I would say 10 years ago. I think this was bubbling before you started the podcast. Why wouldn't you want to now grow that?

Is this your authentic self? This is the person that I see. This is the person that I live with. This is the person that I missed 250 messages from in the signal chat because you're talking about God knows what. I don't even know half the time what you nerds are talking about. But you're nerds. And you know the information. Why wouldn't you want to be your authentic self for that? I'm asking. Fear.

Self-doubt. Yeah, probably. Sorry I put you on the spot. I had a rant. Yeah. I don't know i mean like i said it i think a lot of it comes from maybe an aspect of like humility like you know that you know i get that i'm in this from you i get that i'm in this weird place emotionally for most of my life where like i don't want to be the person in front i don't want to be the person at the front of the classroom i like, I don't want to be the person in front. I don't want to be the person at the front of the classroom. I don't, I don't want to be the person that raises my hand and gives the answer.

I don't, I don't like being the center of attention. And yet I continue to interject myself into that role because nobody else will do it. You know, like if I'm in the room and nobody knows the answer, I will sit there and give everybody a chance. Like, please, one of you idiots, just raise your hand. Because I don't want to have to do this. And when nobody else does, I'll put my hand up and give the answer. Is it because you don't want people to think, oh, you're a know-it-all? It's not even that.

I just don't like being the center of attention. I couldn't tell you why. I've never psychoanalyzed it enough. I don't like being the center of attention. I couldn't tell you why. I've never psychoanalyzed it enough. I don't like being the center of attention. I don't like being what everybody focuses on. But I find that if, like I said before, if nobody else will do it, fine. I will begrudgingly go and deal with it myself because I have this deep-seated feeling like it needs to happen. If nobody else is going to step up, then I'll go do it. And the rest of you can all sit here and wonder why y'all didn't do it.

But I don't do it because I'm looking for notoriety or glory or anything else because I don't want that. I really would like to be the person that just like, you know, like leave me alone in my little room with all my books and my nerd shit and just let me be a happy little introvert nerd like I am. But I find that if no one else will step up, I feel this pull like, okay, Phil, it's time to – you're an introvert. Put that aside. You're a nerd.

Put that aside. This needs to get done. And I'll go and do it. And I go right back to my happy little nerd place afterwards. And that's the way I see this. I would be just as happy if somebody else in this area called us and said, hey, I want to do this event. And I would immediately say, why don't we help them do it? Like, why don't we pull resources? Like, it's not about I want to do this so that I'm the one doing it.

I want it done. If nobody else will do it, then we'll have to do it ourselves. So I feel like that's a lot of where I'm at. It's like I just, I cannot describe to y'all how weird it is. Because I've even told somebody this at Prepper Camp two years ago about how I was like really painfully shy and I'm an introvert and all that. And they literally looked at me and said, you're a podcaster. You stream to the internet now twice a week. How are you an introvert? Like how are you shy?

And I'm like, because when I'm doing this, I'm literally talking to you. All of y'all out there in internet land do not exist right now. They don't. They can't. Except for Stuart,

who's probably commenting right now. Yep, it's Stuart. And see, Stuart says that his authentic self is an a-hole, but I'm going to tell you that he has probably one of the bigger hearts of most people I've met. Oh, yeah. You're not an asshole. That's not true. He has that within his deck of cards.

He has a full hand of trump cards that are all called, I am the biggest a-hole you've ever met that are just in his hand at all times ready to play, but he does it selectively whether he wants to admit that or not. But that's me. I am an introvert and a nerd and I am shy. And when I'm podcasting, I'm not talking to the internet. I'm talking to Nick and Andrew and maybe a couple of people and I can deal with that. But I'm not going to lie internet. I'm talking to Nick and Andrew and maybe a couple of people. And I can deal with that. But I'm not going to lie. Part of what has me so concerned is the idea of like, what happens if this ends up being me standing in front of 100 people?

I'll do it. I'll probably have an emotional breakdown afterwards. Really? I'm not. I don't know how else to tell you. No, I get what you're saying. I'm not. I don't know how else to tell you. No, I get what you're saying. I get it. I didn't realize that you had that much fear of speaking in front of people.

I can tell you from experience. It's someone who has spoken in front of groups her entire life. Maybe I shouldn't say this. But here's the thing of it is I have done it. I did it at your 40th birthday party. Yeah, you did. You did really good, too. And then you spanked me on my ass.

But, you know, I've done public speaking. I've stood in front of groups of dozens, even hundreds of people before. I've given presentations to heads of the agency I work for. I've done people before. I've given presentations to heads of the agency I work for. I've done this before. I'm not comfortable with it, though. I probably never will be. That's okay. So I know we're kind of over a little bit, but if you go to that other banner that we skipped, ways to overcome those fears, the more you do it, the easier it's going

to get. Yeah. 42 years of life experience has proven that that's not working. But okay. Hear me out. In this instance, in this one instance where we're talking about your idea, your event, you're going to teach the same material over and over again. I'm going to picture the audience in their underwear. You can do that. But what I was going to tell you and what over and over again. I'm going to picture the audience in their underwear. You can do that. But what I was going to tell you and what I think will help. I might not. Please don't. What I was going to tell you and I think what will help is the larger the crowd, the easier

it is to talk in front of them because they become one blob. I would give chats in front of the Gulf of Mexico exhibit. And during the summer, the crowd were in the thousands. They were at least in the upper hundreds, you know, three, four, 500 people were sitting in those bleachers when I would give those chats. It was easier to talk in front of that crowd with the Gulf tank behind me than it was to give the penguin chat to 15 people because now those people became faces. Those people were no longer a blob. They were all looking at me and I was looking at their eyes and I could see that they were looking at me. But it got easier because every day I'd have to give that penguin chat twice a week.

I mean twice a day. And I would give that golf chat twice a week. I mean twice a day. And I would give that golf chat once a day. And every day it got easier and easier. Because not only did I start to believe in myself that I knew the information, that I wasn't going to just spout off some crazy information about a shark or a sea turtle or whatever. I learned the information. I learned my speech.

I then remembered, God, I can just look above the crowd. They're really not looking at me. They're looking at whatever's behind me. And in a way, that's going to happen with any of these classes. Because while you don't want technology involved, and I get that, there will be things that you're showing or doing while you're teaching those classes. And I think one of the ways to overcome this fear is to just do it. I think you will feel so much better once we get the first event done.

And then you leave it all to me. I know how to run an event. I know how to get an event going. That's been my career for 20 years. I get it. I know how to do it event. I know how to get an event going. That's been my career for 20 years. I get it. I know how to do it. Don't worry about that. You tell me what you need and I'll do it.

Same with your sister and brother-in-law. You tell them what they need to do and you know they're going to do it. Yeah. I've had quite the therapy session today. But not for me. Ha ha. Your turn. Tag, you're it. So, yeah, I mean, I hear what you're saying. I don't disagree.

I think that, I think what we have planned is something within our capabilities. I think what has, what has me so bound up is looking down the road y'all are looking at when y'all talk about growing it and making it so much bigger than I'd originally thought. And yeah, I question if this can go there. I question if I'm the one to bring it there. You are the one to bring it there. You are. It was put in your brain

and your heart to do this. You're the one to bring it there. And you can and you will and you have support. Not only do you have the three of us supporting you but I guarantee you once you kind of break the news of what we're talking about to the patrons you're going to have the support of those people too anyway it is seven minutes over our time of our

therapy session today thank you for tuning in for that um maybe it's a good thing eddie's going to be on your show on sat on thursday maybe you should like get a pre-show with Eddie, an actual therapist, not me. Anyway, thank y'all for joining us today. I think this was kind of an intense show. I did not, I didn't go into this show to really discuss in details the direction that our family is going. And I think all will come out eventually of, you know, what we're discussing here today. And you'll all know about it soon. But anyway, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening and watching.

And have a great rest of your week. And we'll see you next week, I believe. Bye for now. Yes. Bye. Thank you.