The Prepper Broadcasting Network - Raising Values: The Goal of Marriage

Episode Date: October 13, 2024

https://www.facebook.com/RaisingValuesPodcast/www.pbnfamily.comhttps://www.instagram.com/raisingvaluespodcast/http://www.mofpodcast.com/www.prepperbroadcasting.comhttps://rumble.com/user/Mofpodcastwww.youtube.com/user/philrabSupport the showMerch at: https://southerngalscrafts.myshopify.com/Shop at Amazon: http://amzn.to/2ora9riPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/mofpodcastAn evening at a friend's wedding and a heartfelt sermon led Gillian and Phil to today's topic: What is the goal of marriage?Raising Values Podcast is live-streaming our podcast on our YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Rumble. See the links above, join in the live chat, and see the faces behind the voices.family, traditional, values, christian, spiritual, marriage, dating, relationship, children, growing up, peace, wisdom, self improvement, masculinity, feminity, masculine, feminine

Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Bill and Gillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. welcome back to raising values good morning long time no see it's been two weeks um has it yeah wait i'm thinking i don't know we didn't do it last Sunday, but we did it the week before. Yes. Okay. Still, long time no see. Long time no talk. I don't know. Good morning. No one's watching yet, which means Stuart isn't watching, which means any minute now he's going to jump in and he's going to say start over well i texted our patron only group and told him that he had 32 minutes to get um to get ready and get online and so we're not

starting over we never do when he says that no i gave him plenty of warning plus we always come on at the same time at 10 o'clock every sunday well not every sund, but on Sunday. So when he listens to this again, he'll hear all about how we told him, gave him plenty of warning that we were going on this morning. So speaking of our patron only chat, that's one of your banners is the Raising Values Signal Chat. I try to post in there. I totally forget until Stuart posts something a little like, whoa, in there, in the matter of fact signal chat. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, we have a different signal chat where we're not posting. Spicy things. Yeah, we'll go with spicy things where we're not posting those things.

spicy things. Well, we're not posting those things. So yes. So if you're a patron of Matter of Facts or Raising Values, and you'd like to be a part of the signal chat where we can kind of just talk to one another about different things, show discussion, show topics, what's happening in your life, bounce ideas and get different people's perspective on things, let us know and we'll add you to that chat. And then of course, there's also a matter of fact signal chat. But you have to be prepared for that one. Yeah, the matter of fact signal chat is filled with hooligans and lunatics and heathens. But that one that one comes with a verbal warning of this is what you're doing to yourself. with a verbal warning of this is what you're doing to yourself. But on the plus side, both chats have very distinct feelings in the chat.

But either way, you're talking to a small community of people who ostensibly think kind of similar to the way you do. So there's common ground to be found in them. Yeah, I think so. So that's your first banner. And then the other one, of course, is our merch. We're always going to be pushing our merch. And you can find that in the show notes. There's a link for Southern Gals Crafts in the show notes where you can get merch.

If you just so happen to want something that has raising values or matter of facts on there, on a shirt, on a koozie, on a cup, whatever. Go and support Chris and Tiffany in their endeavors. And, of course, we always thank them for being our merch providers for the shows. And then, I don't know, do you want to say something about Disaster Coffee? I mean, I guess I could. disaster coffee i mean i guess i could um it's not in the show description but the link to disaster coffee that i'm now a part owner of is very simple it's www.disastercoffee.com oh one word and if you need help spelling that dictionary disaster coffee yeah but yeah i mean Disaster Coffee. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, Disaster Coffee recently has gone through a website overhaul, courtesy of one of the business partners, Andrew, who's one of my co-hosts on Matter of Facts.

Got some new products in line. Just released Uncle Randy's Front Porch. Yeah, I saw that this morning. Or is it Uncle Randy's Cabin? I can never remember. I think it's Front Porch. I think he just, he put that in the chat and said it was Uncle Randy's Front Porch. But it's a single origin Mexican coffee that Randy himself, for anybody that has met Uncle Randy and Aunt Doris and that family, Uncle Randy chose this coffee.

So that just went for sale recently. Uncle Randy's Front Porch. Yeah. recently and um uncle randy's front porch yeah and there are two active promo codes either pc pc24 for prepper camp 24 because we were this was going to be one of our big announcements at prepper camp that obviously didn't happen because we didn't want to go get peelade by a hurricane but pc24 for free shipping on two or more bags or MOF for 10% off your entire order. Yeah. So that benefits, you know, myself and Andrew and James Walton, who are the three of us co-owners of Disaster Coffee.

I might be a little bit biased, but, I mean, it's always been really good coffee to me. And it does come small batch roasted directly from our provider straight to your front door. And if you're a roasting nerd like I am, they also have bunker beans at all times, which I found to be a really good source of just green coffee beans. I mean, I've got 10 pounds sitting on my shelf and 15 pounds more in the mail that should be here tomorrow. Yeah. It's always good. I think if we were ever going to get into some sort of business, it was going to be a campground or coffee. And so this fits perfectly. We can still do the campground thing. We can still do the campground one day.

And have a little cafe. Oh, okay. Now we're thinking campgrounds, cafe. Campground, cafe, maybe have a little small batch roaster in the back. Yeah. But the cool thing about Disaster Coffee is a portion of proceeds, if I'm saying that right, does go to disaster relief efforts. And right now, the PBN crew, we're with Prepper Broadcasting Network. Prepper Broadcasting Network. We are doing, we're taking donations or giving you the link to donations for Operation Airdrop. I know that everyone is aware of what's happening up from Florida all the way up to Kentucky, Tennessee, over to North Carolina, Virginia area. If you're not, you live under a rock. And then everything that's going on

with FEMA, stopping things, even air travel in those areas from personal flights are being grounded. But Operation Airdrop is literally what it sounds like, and they drop off supplies to people in need. So that is the one donation site that the PBN crew and James decided that's what we were going to go with. I don't think that's in the show notes because I kind of just flipped that on Phil just real quick. But you can always look them up. Operation Airdrop is if you want to support through the PBN crew. And the other one I'll throw out there because disaster coffee has a very long relationship with grindstone ministries which is also bear

independent which is also refuge medical like all three of those groups are the same people but um i know for a fact they're also up in that area doing relief work right now as we speak and disaster coffee has over the years made a pretty regular habit of making donations to them when we had some surplus funds too. Yeah. And I think it needs to be said, Phil and I did not talk about this, but I do think it needs to be said that I think maybe eventually we'll do a post show from Prepper Camp and what we were, the decisions that we made to not go and all of those things. I know we did put out just a little bit of and what we were, the decisions that we made to not go and all of those things. I know we did put out just a little bit of information when we were camping in Arkansas,

but to be fair to all of the people involved in that area that's devastated, I think it's still too early to kind of talk about what's happening up there, at least on this show and then our decisions and things like that. So we're kind of letting things die down and get to a comfortable state. Not that they'll be comfortable for many years, but we're giving it some time to kind of settle up there and pay our respects for all those people that are dealing with the outcome of this hurricane that was so devastating. It was the Katrina of the Appalachians. Yeah. So yeah. And now Florida's looking at another hurricane. Florida's looking at... Another Cat 4, which is so scary. I don't

know if all of our listeners from the Gulf Coast area or not, and you've heard us talk many, many times about living through hurricanes and Hurricane Ida. I think we've probably said a million times on this show and Matter of Facts, and you're probably tired of hearing it. But when you see those meteorologists talking about these hurricanes, obviously you can see the devastation that comes from it. We've lived through the devastation. I mean, I was literally standing 10 feet in front of me in the foyer of our house when a tree fell right here in the front of our house during Hurricane Ida. Thank God the roof stood up to the tree. Otherwise, I would have probably been killed. But yeah, these hurricanes that are

popping up, especially in October, we usually see these hurricanes August, September when it's the hottest and these storms flare up, but the Gulf is super hot. The waters are still super, super, duper hot. And it's just feeding these storms that get into the Gulf or still in the Atlantic and the Caribbean. And it's devastating for these families. It literally takes years to rebuild. I think it took us eight months to get a new roof on our house after Ida. Yeah. So it literally takes people years to rebuild, if they do. And it was a year and a half until we got like the last of the damage dealt with. Well, we still don't have all the damage dealt with. We still have holes in the siding from where the tree hit.

Yeah. And my car still has a dent in it. I told you if you wanted to get that fixed. No, Stuart, we're not starting over. I knew it. Anyway, so those are just some things that are kind of on my heart to talk about. Obviously, keep those people in your thoughts and prayers that are dealing with Helene. And then get those prayers, if you pray, going.

Good intentions, good vibes, sending them to Florida. Because they're saying it's going to stay a cat too across the whole peninsula of the state. Devastating storm surge, devastating floods, devastating wind. Anyway, that is not what our show is about today. Again, we're not going to do a post-Appalachian trip wrap up, whatever, for a few weeks probably until things settle. But we did attend a friend, a co-worker of mine's wedding last night, which was so sweet. It also makes us feel really old when we go to these weddings because I work with young teachers who are in their 20s and they're all getting married and I love being invited and

I love getting dressed up and bringing this guy to weddings, even though last night we didn't get to dance because it was all fast song. Anyway, we're sitting at a table with 20-year-olds. Some of them aren't married. One of them just got married in March. And here we are. We're kind of whispering to each other because the music is so loud we can't hear. And we're like, none of these people at our table have been with their partner longer than us. Like March, I told Phil last night, March 5th, I will have been with Phil longer than I haven't.

And I kind of want to talk about that a little bit. I won't get ahead of ourselves. But the preacher during the service, which was kind of non-traditional, and I thought it was really cool. It was a really cool wedding, but what he talked about was the goals of marriage. What is your goal in your marriage? Why are you getting married and things like that? And I kind of leaned over and was like, you know, this would be a really good RV topic. And so here we are. Yeah, well, he phrased it as the goals of marriage.

And as he went into the conversation, it kind of morphed into like, how do you determine the success of marriage? Right. You know what I'm saying? And the two examples he gave, which, I mean, make a lot of sense. You've heard people say this before. But he said, you know, some people will say that the goal of marriage is happiness, which is fair. I mean, most people want to be happy in their marriage, but he also, but then he countered that by saying, but then the moment you're not happy in the marriage, the moment you go through, you know, the moment you go through, you know, any, the moment that happiness isn't there, does that mean the marriage failed? Because you're not happy anymore. Like that was your goal was to be happy.

Or is the goal success, like monetary material success? Because then the minute you fall on hard times, the minute somebody loses their job, the minute something starts to fall apart and y'all are struggling financially, does that mean the marriage is failing? struggling financially, does that mean the marriage is failing? And it was a, yeah, it was kind of a very sobering, I guess, like realignment of priorities, I would hope for everybody in the audience, because there are a lot of people, and this is something you and I have talked about a lot in the past, but there, for most of our generation, I feel like we've watched other couples our age get married with those ideas that, well, the minute I'm not happy, the marriage is over and I should leave. Or the minute it gets hard, we should just quit this and we should go our separate ways. And I've always really kicked that back at people really hard and said, no, you know, happiness is what you make.

You decide to be happy. You make your happiness. It's not like it just happens. And similarly with success in life. Success in life doesn't, budgeting. And our budgets usually were like, there might've been about 20, 30 bucks a month when we first got started that wasn't spoken for. Everything else was bills, savings. We were tight with money because we had to be. But then we got to a point where things were easier. Things were nicer. We were able to live a little bit more comfortably. But that didn't happen by chance. It happened by choice.

And that was when this preacher kind of got to the punchline in this and said the goal of marriage. He said it was the 50-year anniversary. But I told Gillian, I'm like, the goal of marriage is permanence. That is the goal of marriage. It is that for all the years before marriage where you had to do things by yourself, you had to struggle by yourself, you had to work towards your happiness by yourself, you had to confront your fears and your challenges by yourself. But after you're married, none of those things are just yours to deal with ever again. Because you have this other person who has joined you at the hip and at the heart and said, your struggles are my struggles and we're going to work them together. And I thought that was like, it was a, it was a simple sermon, but I found it very powerful because I feel like it's a message that a lot of people our age really need to hear.

It's that marriage isn't all happiness. It's not all success. It's certainly not easy. It's certainly not simple. It takes work, but it's worth it because the end result is that you will never be alone in your struggles again. I think marriage is a choice. For the longest time, I didn't think that way. And for a long time, you always said, no, I choose to be with you.

We've had this same conversation instead of using the word marriage, using love, like to me, love has always been a choice. Yeah. And initially you fought against that really hard. And I was like, okay, but like, what happens when I'm at my worst and I'm acting like a butthole and you know, like the stress has gotten to me. What happens when i'm labeled in the hospital and i can't provide for the family what happens when i'm not the man you

married and you choose to stay that's not oh i love you it's an emotion it's chemicals it's whatever now it is i love you in spite of who you are and that's why i say it's choice it's me going i'm choosing to love you i'm choosing to love you I'm choosing to love you. I'm choosing to love you. I'm choosing to love you. But sometimes, yes. I mean, anybody who can tell you that they have gone through a very lengthy period of marriage and not once or twice thought about spousal abuse is full of it. I'm joking just a little bit, but like, it's just the truth of the matter. Sometimes being married is a pain in the butt. Sometimes you, you would be forgiven for that creeping in your mind of like, God, I could just have peace and quiet if it wasn't for the, this crazy person that I live with. But the truth of the matter is, is like, that's why I've

always said loving somebody is a choice because sometimes people are unlovable. That's true. And yet you choose to anyway. Yeah. I mean, I think different points in our lives and in our marriage, I think it's fair to say that we've both thought of each other as I, you, I cannot love you right now. Like I am whatever. you're right excuse me coughing way down the wrong pipe keep talking um i know that there's been times where i've i've always loved you i've always loved phil and um even when i'm ready to commit spousal abuse um i never did. I never have. But there have been times where I've wanted to do that. But I choose to love him. Coffee is dangerous, y'all.

I would have thought that's what you would choke on is coffee. I didn't do it. This was not me doing it. I think she tightened up the strings on my voodoo doll a little bit last night. No, I did not. Yeah, so thinking of it that way. So what this preacher was saying last night kind of rang through and or rang true and, you know, started to get me thinking. And we didn't have a lot of time last night to talk about, what do you consider success

for our marriage? And I do kind of want to point out Stuart's message here that says, the purpose of marriage is to find a special someone to annoy for the rest of your lives. Yes, in a way. I did not, I needed to have somebody to ask what's for dinner every night. I know that question annoys the hell out of Phil. And I know we are not the only couple that our lives revolve around that question of what's for dinner. But now I have to explain to the audience why that question annoys me so badly. for dinner but now i have to explain to the audience why that question annoys me so badly because after years of my parents and then the army telling me this is what's for dinner eat it or go hungry i have this weird thing in my brain where like i'm not i'm not really that picky like

i'll eat this i'll eat that i'm like. Hey, Nina. But you, on the other hand, and our daughter to a slightly lesser degree, are fairly picky about what you're in the mood for. And that's why when you ask me, I'm like, why are you asking the person in this relationship who doesn't care what's for dinner? I think what, okay. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. She thinks this is going to be a secret, like I haven't already figured this out. When I'm asking you what's for dinner, I want you to think about all the things that I like to eat and name one of those things.

So when I say what's for dinner and you say red beans and rice, and I go, okay, that's not what I wanted you to say. And I go, okay, that's not what I wanted you to say. I wanted you to say tacos or let's go get queso or how about some sushi? Newsflash, that wasn't lost on me. That's what you wanted. Someone to annoy for the rest of your life. I just don't play those kinds of games because I'm like, no, you asked me what I wanted for dinner. I'm going to tell you what I want for dinner. This is like the age old... I didn't ask you what you wanted. I said, what is for dinner?

Okay. But if you're asking me, then I'm deciding. This is like the age old when a wife tells a husband, do what you want to do. And she really doesn't mean do what you want to do, but I'm going to call her bluff and do what I want to do. if you get mad later i'm just going to be like why don't you tell me do what i wanted to do because i know what she was really thinking i'm just not playing i i i refuse to play the game i'm just going to flip the table over and play my game whatever that's really not why i got married to you i didn't want to annoy you for the rest of your life. That just comes with the package. You're such a pain in the butt. That was part of the fine print at the bottom of that marriage contract that you signed,

which I wonder if... Did you ever read the paragraph on the back that was written in the margins? No, I didn't. What was there? That's where you're supposed to be quiet and submissive and, you know. So here's what I'm thinking. Wait, what is it? Thoughtful and demure?

So demure. Yes. I don't know. I haven't even seen this video. But anyway, I have to wonder if we are legally married. I have said that before. I have to wonder if we're legally married. I have said that before. I have to wonder if we're legally married. Backstory. And you may know this, but the preacher who married us, and I'm not laughing at this

at all. I'm just laughing at the situation because you have to. So the preacher who married us maybe we should have taken this as a sign had a stroke um midway through our service um poor thing i felt we didn't know what was going on but he started shaking the bible shaking he's forgot our names he um forgot to ask who gives this woman to be wed. He almost married her to her father. And then he forgot our names. And my uncle who was standing there, who happened to be the flower girl, had to remind him what our names were. It was a very sad situation and he was deteriorating very quickly, but nobody knew what was happening. He made it through the service and signed, we think, he signed our certificate, our marriage license. But I've never looked at that signature.

And so we kind of joke that maybe we're really not married in the state of Louisiana. I don't know. I don't know what it looks like. Anyway, he did go to the hospital as soon as he signed the marriage license. And he did confirm to have a stroke at our wedding. He's since passed away. You could make the argument that he was in an altered mental state, therefore not able to carry out his duties.

So I guess both of our little paragraphs that we slipped in there are null and void. I mean, if that's the case the whole marriage is but i've i've just said for years that the fact that god tried to strike dead the preacher that was trying to marry us that that's dark i know i felt so bad for him but anyway i'm not i'm not laughing at the poor man i'm glad i'm glad he recovered and everything and lived you know lived out the rest of his days. But, I mean, what else do you say in a moment like that? It was just one more bit of wild on top of the whole wedding. Our marriage, I feel like, has been okay. But that wedding was, I mean, we could write a book about that.

Yeah, we could. But, so, 20, how old was I? 23? Let's see. 2008. I was 24 when we got married. 24-year-old me had no goals of a marriage. I had no goals of a life together.

I wasn't thinking that far in advance. How far were you thinking? I need to get to the end of this night before I kill someone. Before you got to that night, it was just fairytale wedding. It was. It was, oh, I'm so in love with this guy. And, oh, we're going to have a wedding. And it's big, poofy dress.

And it's in the garden of this beautiful house. And, yeah, I don't know too many 24-year-olds that have that much forethought of, well, besides you, you're an anomaly in all creatures. But you, I mean, for me, there was no set like, okay, this is what we need to work for. I've got to make it till our 50th wedding anniversary before I kill him or take the insurance money. Gillian still jokes to this day that by the time I was eight years old, I was ready to be married, work a full-time job, and had an 800 credit score. I'm sure your parents can justify that. I don't know. That thought.

I have to remind Phil all the time with Piper, like with regards to Piper, that she's not Phil. Like she's not you. And you can't impress upon her the things that you would have done, one, because she's not Phil. Like, she's not you. And you can't impress upon her the things that you would have done, one, because she's a girl, and two, because she's not you. I will admit, you have to admit those every now and then. There's a little bit of Phil that pops out of her. Oh, absolutely. But that doesn't mean that she's thinking the same way or evolving like you did.

Yes, dear. I know. That wasn't a jab. Step back off the soapbox. Anyway, so goals of our marriage. I said earlier in the show that on February 5th, and yes, it is down to the day because February 4th is the day that we started dating. And I considered you and me, well, I look at November when we first started talking before we made it quote unquote official. Men, women have multiple anniversaries. We do. There's three. Anyway, February 4th was the day. No, so it's not the 4th. February 4th was the day. No, so it's not that it's not the 4th. February 4th is the day you came home from Iraq. February 8th is the day that we made it official, like we're dating, whatever.

So I guess February 9th is the day that I of this coming year, 2025 of is the day that I will have been with you longer than I haven't. So February 5th, no, sorry. February 9th is the equal amount of days, equal amount of time, 21 years. February 10th is 21 years in a day because we started dating when I was 21. What? I'm just waiting to see where you're going. That's always been something. That was always're going. That's always been something. That was always a goal. That's always been a goal for me is I've always wanted to say I've been with you now longer than I haven't been with you. I know that sounds like a really silly goal, but it is.

I mean, not a lot of people anymore can say that they've been with their spouse longer than they haven't. lot of people anymore can say that they've been with their spouse longer than they haven't. I mean, if you want to play the averages, not many people have been married as long as we've been married in our generation. In our generation. Yeah. Of course. I mean, so we're at, we're about to make 17 years, right? 17?

18, 19, 20. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. No, I don't know. 17 years. Yes. 17 years. We got Yeah. Yes. Okay. No, I don't know. 17 years. Yes, 17 years.

We got married in 2008. Okay, so yes. We're about to make 17 years. Okay. I don't know a whole lot of people our age that have been married that long that haven't gotten a divorce. Do you? Or two divorces. Yeah, I guess we do know some people that have gone through two divorces. But anyway,

that was always a goal of mine. I don't know why that made me feel like, aha, yay, I'm going to achieve this goal. I can't wait to say that. But being able to say half of my life has been with you. Do you have goals? And you can't say not to kill me. Not to... Sorry, I said the bad word. I would never end you, just choke you a little bit maybe. That can't be your goal. What is your goal of our marriage?

That's not my only goal. It doesn't stop on February 10th. It's not like, okay, got that blue ribbon. Now I'm out of here. I mean, honestly, my goal isn't even like in turn. My goals don't have time limits attached to them, if that makes sense. My goal is, my first goal, honestly, is something that you and I have already notched off the list. My first goal was for the two of us to become parents because that was something you and I

discussed very early on in our relationship that meant something to the two of us. We've done that. Now my goal is to simultaneously try to help you find your place because

I feel like over the years you you've been looking for like, what's Gillian's niche? You know, it was nonprofits, now it's teaching. And I feel like eventually, you'll probably decide, in classroom, I want to go do this instead. My niche as in my job, my career niche, or just me? Both. Because unlike me, I'm usually able to install very clear lines between what I do that makes me happy, my passion projects, podcasting, and everything else, and my work. My work is just a job. You've never been able or wanted to do that.

Like you've always wanted to work in the field you're passionate in. And sometimes over the years, your passions change. And then that your, your passions naturally guide where you go looking for work. So I'm always, I'm always very conscious of that fact. I'm very conscious of the fact that sooner or later, you're going to decide, you're very well made to decide, what you're doing is no longer what you want to do. And I'm going to be looking for, okay, how do I get her from where she is to where she wants to be? Because for you, there is no dividing line between your job and your passion. You want to work in something you're passionate in. You're much more idealistic than I am in that way. And yet I can go to work and dig ditches. I don't care. Like whoever pays me and gives me the benefits package I need, I'm willing to go to

work for. And that is one very self-contained part of my life. And then the things I do in my off time are the things I'm passionate about that I don't ever want to make money off of. I don't ever want it to be a job. I want it to be something I enjoy for the pure enjoyment of it. But that's how you and I are different. And my other goal is to help her find her place because, you know, she's 12. She's just at that point. I don't even know if she's at that point yet where she's trying to figure out, like, what do I want to be when I grow up? What do I want to do? What am I interested in?

She's still in that point of figuring all those things out. So my goal, my current goal is to try to always help the two of you find y'all's place in the world where you want to be, where y'all are happy. you find y'all's place in the world where you want to be, where y'all are happy. And that's why I've always said like whenever the two of you were disappointed or unhappy or whatever, I take that very personally because I feel like that's what I'm supposed to do is try to help y'all find happiness. Okay. I don't think I'll ever, I don't think I'll ever be like you where I settle into something. I think I have a gypsy soul.

You never will. And I'm going to always go do different things. That's what I'm saying. As long as you're okay with that and understand. I knew that about you a decade and a half ago. Like, that's not new. Yeah. I think I'll stay at this position for a while.

I enjoy teaching. I enjoy I'll stay at this position for a while. I enjoy teaching. I enjoy the time off. And I do get to teach my passion. But I guess what I'm saying is that the money and the time off would not be enough to offset not enjoying what you're doing. The money and the time off would not be enough to offset. If you didn't enjoy teaching, you wouldn't continue to teach just because of the money and the time off you get. Right. Whereas I would make that exchange snap of fingers in a heartbeat,

and I would just say, if this is what provides for my family and gives me the lifestyle I want, I don't care if I like it or not. Me enjoying my work is not a requirement. So do you have any goals for yourself then in this marriage? Is it strictly just me and Piper? I mean, honestly, I focus more on the two of y'all in this relationship because the way I was raised and, you know, like everybody who's out there, who's in that younger millennial Gen Z generation,

forgive me for this, this is going to sound very old-fashioned, but I was raised with this very old-school mentality of my job as a husband is take care of my wife. My job as a father is take care of my kid. I don't focus on myself. I don't focus on me. I focus on what do I need to be? What do I need to do to take care of these people around me? And it sounds very idealistic and selfless, but that's how I, that's why I was raised to believe that husband and father is. I do do

things for myself, but it's always in that priority order of like, you know, who comes where and who gets what attention first. It's you and our daughter and then I'm down here because to me it's like I'll take care of myself when I can. So then if you're saying you just, for the people who will be watching this, so it was me first tier, Piper, and then you is the very bottom tier. Me, first tier, Piper, and then you is the very bottom tier. That, to me, is where the spouse is supposed to come in and scoop you up and put you back up at the top. So, yeah, you and Piper are top tier to me. But I also know that I have to take care of myself too. There are things that even if I'm top tier for you, there are things that you just are not able to do for my happiness or my, you know, to be content and all those things besides queso and tacos. But that's not because you fall short. That's just because, what did you call me this morning?

A lunatic. Well, yeah, but no. You called me something confusing, a confusing creature. Confounding. Confounding creature or something like that. That's just because I'm a woman. There are, there's just things like you, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is, There are, there's just things like you, I, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is you do an amazing job of putting me and Piper in those top and second tiers.

But what I don't want you to do is if like I fall off of that, no, that's not what I'm trying to say. Like if I don't respond to something that you're trying to help with, trying to get me to that place or whatever. It's not because you're not doing it because you've always done that for me. Like you've always been the cushion to fall back on. You've always been the one to argue opinions about or that's not really what I'm trying to say. You're not trying to say a lot of things. It's just coming out wrong. The words are there. They're just not getting to my mouth. You've always been the one that I've been able to bounce ideas off of. And I know that I can come to you because most of the time, most of the time. I am thinking in a very fantastical

way about certain situations. I have learned throughout the years, especially being with you, that reality has to be there. But I know that when I need a little extra dose of reality to ground me a little bit better, I'm going to shoot these ideas off of you. I don't keep anything from you. Even my ideas, even if they're like really off the wall, crazy ideas or whatever thoughts that I'm having, I still come to you and talk to you about them. Even though most of the time you look confused as hell.

Like you're trying to process, what the hell did she just say? Was that in English? Wait, what? She wants to climb on the roof and create... No, I'm joking. I don't want to do anything like that. But anyway, I think that you've always done that. So as far as your goal for this marriage, you're doing a great job.

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I do have all those same goals is to get you where you want to be and uplift you and keep you there and, you know, display some of the burden of being an adult, being in a marriage and being a parent, because those do have burdens. If you say that they don't, then you're lying to yourself. Those are, that's why marriage should be two people to share those and parenting should be two people to share that load, that burden. But this is also why I've consistently said for all the time you've known me, marriages only work when marriages are not 50-50. They're 100-100.

And marriages don't work the split second somebody starts holding back. So like I said, that very selfless, like my focus is on my wife and my daughter, I don't focus on myself. That only works if there's another party to that marriage who is also focused on the other and the minute that focus turns inwards to i want my stuff i want my time i want my whatever in a way that's very like think about like a dragon hoarding its treasure you know i'm saying as opposed to like i'm gonna give you everything knowing that you're giving me everything. And as long as we're giving each other everything we have, this works. But the minute I start to hold back, what's your natural inclination? I'm not getting 100% from him, so I have to hold back a little bit from me to get everything I need.

True. Yeah. So that's what I was trying to say. You just did it a lot more eloquently. Whatever. You're much better with words i'm good at talking yes as you said you are good at talking but like i said like that's that's my viewpoint on marriage that's why i feel like that that selfless attitude when it with regards to

marriage and by extension you know being a father i, I feel like it's not a flaw. That's a feature. That's the way it's supposed to be. And it only works if you have another person that is equally committed as you are. So when the two of us, you know, got involved, when the two of us, we started talking about, I feel like we did and did not start talking about marriage very early in our relationship. Like it wasn't as if we had like a one week whirlwind romance. We were already ready to walk down the aisle, but we were,

we were having these discussions about what we wanted to have life, what we wanted out of marriage, what our expectations were very early on, because I made no bones with you at all that like, I am not looking for Mrs. Right now. I'm looking for Mrs. Rabelais. And if you're not it, I'm not wasting any more of your time or mine. We're going to go find who's right for us. And if you're it, then I have to know that you're it. So we did online dating before online dating was a thing. Just to kind of put that out there. Phil was in Iraq when,

um, we quote unquote met, um, one of his friends moved in next door to us, me and my cousin, we had an apartment in college and then this girl moved in next door and we became fast friends. And there was a picture of Phil on her refrigerator and I was like,

Oh my God, he's so cute. I didn't realize he was flipping the camera off. Um, she didn't realize that until I got home and pointed it out. But for context, like Amanda and I, we grew up literally at opposite ends of the same street. We didn't really know each other well until high school. But, like, you know, we grew up in the neighborhood together. We knew each other.

Our families kind of knew of each other. So by the time you and her met, she'd known me reasonably well for several years. Yeah. But anyway, so when we did start talking, what was it? Oh, it was Yahoo Messenger. It was kind of like a chat, an instant chat. It was AOL Instant Messenger first. I didn't have AOL.

I only had Yahoo. I thought we transitioned from one messaging service to another. Either way, it was one of those private chat rooms that you could chat back and forth with each other. That was in November when we started talking. And that was when you were like, look, I'm not playing games. I'm coming home in February. This is what I'm looking for. I've been through this. I don't want this again. You know, just, it was like, okay, this, I guess we're serious, but we were serious enough that I'm going to date myself. I've never been able to say that. I printed a picture off of Phil and I brought it home for Thanksgiving.

And I don't know if my sister's watching. I brought it home for Thanksgiving and I showed my sister a picture of Phil and I said, this is Phil. I'm going to marry this guy. And she laughed at me and she's like, you've never met him. I was like, no, no, it's okay because I've been talking to him online for a long time. This is how an internet, this is how a money scam starts, by the way. Like, I've been talking to this guy. I've never met him before. He's overseas. He's coming to me.

I know. So she laughed at me. I think my other sister laughed at me, too. And then I showed my dad your picture. And I said, Dad, I'm going to marry this guy. And, um, he didn't laugh, but he was just like, okay, babe, whatever you say, like, I don't have time for this kind of thing. Like what, whatever fantasy you're creating, fine, go with it and be happy. And look, I married you. I told them. so she married me out of spite in other words no they all

doubted her and that's what got her to the end to the altar no it but what happened was all of those things that you were saying online before i even met you which i think it was a really good thing because we'd shared pictures back and forth but but there wasn't, and there was like a physical attraction. Like, obviously, I thought you were cute. I saw one picture of you on Amanda's fridge, and I was like, ooh, I need to know who this guy is. And I sent you one picture of me sitting on the stairs, and you were like, yeah, I like that.

I don't know what you said. I don't know what you said, but I did hate that picture. I think Kate had to take that picture over and over again. And that was before cell phones with cameras. Anyway, I liked what you were saying. And it was obviously enough to convince me that I can't let this guy go. We, we match up too much about what our goals are, what we are looking for in a marriage, what we're looking for when we have children.

And we're also not looking to play games anymore. Like, we were done. Like, I hadn't dated anyone for a year and a half until I met you. I was single for, I think, nine months at least before I went to Iraq. And that was because, like, I'd been in a fairly serious relationship I thought was going somewhere. And then all of a sudden overnight it became apparent that she was not as serious as I was about it. And at that point I just, like I told you when you and I first met, I wrote your gender off. I didn't start playing for the other team, but I was. That's what you told me this morning.

Yeah, but I had gotten to a point in my in my dating life where i gave up i gave up trying to find mrs rabelais because i was so sick and tired of being burned i was tired of being lied to i was tired of being manipulated cheated on cheated yeah she won't well that was me every Every girl I dated except for one before you did cheat on me. And I just got to the point where I was like, you know what? I don't know that I believe in love. I don't know that I believe. I mean, I got to a very dark place where I was like, this isn't working and I'm over this.

And I was perfectly prepared. Like I had, at that point, I had arranged my life into one bag where I was like, I'm going to go do me. I'm going to pursue my goal, my career. No wife, no kids, no pets, nothing to tie me down. I'm going to do me and to hell with everybody else. And then Amanda showed up and said, hey, a friend of mine thinks you're cute. And I don't know. Somewhere in all those conversations back and forth,

I started to think to myself, I'm like, okay, maybe I'll give this one more chance. Gee, thanks. I'm glad you had that. Well, I tried very hard not to hold you accountable for all of the crap that had been done to me before you met me. And I feel like I did a pretty good job

of being open-minded about that. But like you had a, you had a, you had a big mountain to climb over because I'd been screwed so many times. And I had the same thing on your end. I mean, there were a lot of, there were a lot of guys who hadn't done you right. And I had to convince you that I wasn't like them. And that's why I think like, I took that direct approach with you of like, you know, not to be too forward, but these are the things I'm looking for. And if you ain't looking for this, don't waste any more of my time. And I wasn't trying to be harsh, but again, I was also like, I mean, at that point I was 20, 22 years old in a combat zone, getting mortared 3-4 times a day and like emotionally

I was already 30. I was so far past the point of having any time or effort to waste with anything in life. I was like, either this is what you're here for or it's been nice talking to you. It worked

obviously, but like that's where's where i was i was and that's why like when you and i met i was very intentional about our dating i was very intentional about everything because to me it was this doesn't have a point if it's not leading towards marriage and family because if if this is just like for a couple years to have fun, whatever, I just assume have my peace and quiet, my money, and just go do what I want to do without you because I don't need a woman in my life to make me happy. I can go find my own happiness.

And then I met you and I was like, okay, I choose to have you. That's kind of the origin of the whole love's not emotion, it's choice. Like I'm choosing to put you ahead of me. I'm choosing to put your wants and needs ahead of mine. And it would have been very easy for me to make the opposite decision and say, no, what I want is more important and I'm not willing to compromise that. But then I would be a pretty crappy husband in my opinion. So have your goals changed or do you have any new goals for our marriage? No, same goals I always had.

Take care of the two of you, help y'all find y'all's place in the world, help y'all achieve y'all's happiness. And I will spend the rest of my days thinking to myself, what can I do to take care of these two people that I have taken responsibility for? And I feel like that's a goal that has no end until either you leave this mortal coil or I do. I was about to say, when do you feel like you have achieved that goal? Never.

No, but seriously. I know, yeah. It has to be never, I guess. And it's also very similar to the relationship between us and our daughter. You've heard my parents say, you know, Phil and Mike might be grown. They have their own families. They're doing their own things. But we're still mom and dad.

And we're always going to be here if they need us. And my parents have always been very, they've always been very intentional about like not hovering, not meddling, like pulling back and letting, letting my brother and I really have our own lives and figure things out. Because it's like my dad told me when I was fairly young, probably still a teenager. He's like, you know,

there's going to be a day where I'm not there to guard, to protect you from the consequences of your actions. So you have to learn to make them and live with them. And here we are now, you know, 41 years old. The mortgage is paid. The bills are paid. Nobody's starving to death. The house isn't on fire.

The kid isn't running around butt naked. Obviously, I did an all right enough job. But I know that if I called him today and said, Dad, I'm screwed. I need help. He would be over here in 45 minutes ready for war, whatever it took to help his son take care of his family. So that's why I say that goal I have of take care of you and her, it has no end. I'll always be looking for how can I help her achieve what she wants to achieve? How can I help you achieve what you want to achieve?

And that never ends. And to me, that is why the goal of marriage is permanence. why the goal of marriage is permanence. Because if it's just for fun or if it's just for money or just for convenience, then the minute any of those things go away, the marriage has no point. But the goal of marriage is permanence. It is to build something between two people that could not have been built by themselves. And that's why I've always said that as steadfast as I am and as hardworking as I am, I've been down and out before,

whether it was illness or emotions or stress, whatever got to me, I could not be Phil at that moment. But I could rely on you to back me up in those moments, no matter how hard it was, and figure life out. And vice versa. So that's why I say the goal is permanence. Because I know that when I trip, you're there. When you trip, I'm there. And the two of us working together will always be stronger than we were by ourselves. Right. Which is important because the world's kind of a crazy place and sometimes life gets hard. Yeah. Cool. I like that.

Were you crying? No. I'm still choked up from the coffee that tried to choke me. Okay. I thought you were crying. I was like, oh, man, he's getting real serious over here. Oh, me, I am serious. Well, that's not what I meant.

That's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. And I did not put anything in your coffee. And I did not choke you. I think she's holding my voodoo doll under the table and just... Nope. Not doing that either. Didn't put any bad gree-gree on it this morning either.

Alright, guys. Well, I think that's the end of our show. What do you think? Unless you have something else to toss in. Like, I felt like the sermon last night was very to the point. I felt like it was very... I felt like it was very appropriate

for a couple that's starting down this road of marriage. And quite frankly, I wish a lot more people approached marriage from that perspective. Cause like I've met way too many people who obviously through their actions do not regard marriage the way I do. Yeah. And I think that's a fricking tragedy.

I think that especially it's tragedy for their children who are only going to have the one model they've been given for how, what is it? What is the, who are only going to have the one model they've been given for how, what is it? What is the, if the only message children get about marriage is that it's supposed to be fun,

it's supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be this and the other. Then those kids grow up thinking to themselves, the minute it's not fun and easy, it's not worth having. And that's why I am so particular, not just with our child, but with other people telling them the war stories and the hard times.

Because I feel like I need people to understand that sometimes marriage is hard. I don't want to say it's hard. I would say marriage and parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. Yeah. I mean, look, I've told you before, like, the most stressful moments of my life were not the moments I was in a rack and a mortar's rained on me. It was when I thought for a brief moment I was going to lose you or Piper. Those were the moments that were hard.

Almost dying is easy. If that sounds weird to any of y'all out there, then I'll know what to tell you. Now you are crying. Yeah, a little bit. Oh. But, you know, like almost getting killed isn't difficult. You know, we used to, okay, dark humor moment. When we were in Iraq, we would always joke with each other that like,

if a mortar lands in front of me, I'm going to be on fire staring at St. Peter asking what in the hell happened. I'm not going to know about it. I mean, it'd just be poof, and it's over. You're gone. There's no reason to worry about it. You're not even going to feel the pain. You're just going to disappear.

And I'm like, you know, our fear was living through it, like losing arms, losing legs, getting cut in half, and then surviving and having that continued pain for the rest of your life. That was what scared us in a combat zone. But just dying didn't scare us because it was like, if you're dead, it's over. What's there to fear? So that's why losing you and Piper is always my greatest fear. Because I lived through that.

I'm sorry. I'll do my best. Stick around for me for a little bit. I think that's one of my greatest fears too. I don't think that. I know that. Like, I don't know how much you think about that. But I think.

I try not to. Well, and I try not to as well. But I think about that every now and then. It pops into my head because I have a whole bunch of, like, what are they called? What are they called? Intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts. And, of course, that's always going to be one of them because I think that's one of my biggest fears is losing you or Piper.

And then I start thinking about what the hell will I do? Like, I don't know how to function without you. Like, I seriously don't know how to function. And that's probably a bad thing. I should probably be a little bit more independent on myself and like dependent on myself to function in life. But I don't know how to function. That's very interesting from my point of view because I remember that very early in our relationship, the hardest parts were that you wanted to be more independent.

You wanted to maintain your independence. And I kept pushing for on paper, on finances, and in the eyes of the law, there is no you and me separate anymore. Like everything's together now. That's how this whole you signed the marriage certificate. You know how this works. I did. And then now here we are all these years later and you're like couldn't function without you. Don't know how I would.

Couldn't function without you. Don't know how I would. I mean, my day is thrown off when you have to go into the office in New Orleans and you're not there to kiss me at the door to leave the house. My day is thrown off. If I have to get up in the morning and make my own coffee, my day is thrown off. Is that spoiled or is that... Rotten as hell. It's's your fault it's my job i like that job

you keep that job anyway all right guys well thanks for joining us today um it's a beautiful day here so we're gonna go and do some yard work let's go do grocery shopping first but um anyway i hope y'all have a great rest of your day. Have a good week coming up and we'll see y'all next week. Bye, everybody. Bye, guys. Thank you.