The Press Box - Ep. 121: 'Bachelorette Party' With Bryan Curtis

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

The Ringer's Juliet Litman and Bryan Curtis on JoJo's first group date, the trip to the 'SportsNation' set, Chad's continuous protein intake, and the boring 'Bachelor' options. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's the ringer.com. That's the website that I work for, and it is coming, so keep an eye out for it. And we hope you like it. All right, let's get into Bachelor Party. Welcome to Bachelor Party or Bachelor Party? I don't know. I'm Juliet Lippman, and today my guest is Ringer Editor at Large Brian Curtis. Hello.

Hi. I just crushed a sandwich, just like Chad crushed deli meats this whole episode. We're going to get into that. It was a dramatic week of The Bachelorette. Jojo had her first dates and they went reasonably well I guess Yeah kind of boring

One thing that I have a note for Jojo Which is she can't seem to Talk about her like experience with With the show and what she's doing Without referencing Ben And I think that they're really bad For two reasons One is like don't reference like

Your old failed a relationship Where someone was like I love you but not enough Like I feel like that doesn't make her look good A And B It's just like who references like their previous relationship before every date they go on. Yeah, it's just stupid.

Yeah, it's like a TV critic referencing the last season of the show, right? But you know, she asked, she also asked all the guys about their last relationship. So I think that she very much sees the world in terms of failed relationships, right? That's a great point. That's a really good point. But doesn't she have another relationship she could point to? Like, does one even count? Yeah, it's funny.

I don't know. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a relationship to make sense. A girl like Jojo certainly has had a boyfriend, so. Oh, lots. Right? As many as she wanted. So just point to another one. Quick aside about Ben. It was brought to my attention this morning that he's considering running for like a low state office in the state of Colorado and like running.

He's running as a Republican. Shockingly. I can't believe he's a Republican. Shockingly. And like a heavily Democratic county basically. So he probably wouldn't win. But the fact that he's like 27 and considering it is just weird. It's amazing.

And all these like Republican Party hacks are getting out of the way. potentially so they can have the seat like they're clearing the way for like a young john kennedy junior or something like that there was an article about it which i shared with you where the guy who wrote it basically um like wrote it as if the bachelor was like something to be taken seriously and he quoted mike flese like in earnest several times it was it was wild um like this is a quote that he has from flese in the article this may be the best bachelor we've ever had he's incredible he's such a warm-hearted genuine person He's sweet, sincere, and he's got a sense of humor. He's a great guy.

Would Mike Fly say anything other than that? No, what an endorsement, though. I know. On the ticket with Trump, right? Yeah. You know, way down the ticket, but on the same ticket, it makes a certain kind of sense, right? Would you, even, like, regardless of your political leanings, like, would you vote for someone who's fresh off a bachelor stint to be in office? It's another way to ask that question is, who would you vote for straight off a bachelor stint?

Yeah. Right. Because, like, if there wasn't to be someone, it would be Ben. And I did always think he should go into politics, but not, like, right now. Yeah. By the way, who was the last Democratic Bachelor? Sean Lowe. No way. Last Democratic Bachelor, if we had to guess. Interesting question.

Yeah, right? Hmm. I'm just trying to do a mental inventory. It's a kind of a red state show with red state contestants, right? Definitely not Brad Womack. No. Who was before Ben? Juan Pablo. Definitely not him. Bless you. Juan Pablo may not be registered about the United States. He's probably not. He's Venezuelan.

I'm trying to think. Maybe Ben Flanick, the wine guy, from Northern California. Yeah, sure. He's most likely to be a Democrat. There you go. If I had to guess. Mystery solved. All right.

Let's leave Ben behind, like, Jojo show, but I just wanted to mention that because it's just bizarre. It's really, really weird. I just, I'm also, like, concerned for our country. I mean, how many reality TV starts can we have running for office at once? We already have Donald Trump.

I know. It's just too much. It's really weird. So anyway, back to the show. First group date this week was a firefighting challenge. Yeah. We're kind of an all-American red state thing to do, too, Absolutely. Well, Jojo is from Texas.

She is from Texas. Though Texas seems ripe for a Democratic takeover, it doesn't really seem to be happening. So people say, but this was like, can we agree this is the most fixed bachelor challenge or date slash challenge ever? What makes you say that? Well, there was a firefighter in the firefighting thing. And then so they did some firefighters stunts. They all put on their heavy gear, right?

Yes. And then they chose at the end three people seemingly randomly to get to win. one was an ex-firefighter. Another was a person, Wells, who had collapsed during the challenge. Not only had he collapsed, but several times they stated that the firefighting gear weighed as much as his own body. So he didn't really have the frame to wear it. He didn't. So that was kind of, that struck me as kind of fixed, right?

And then Luke was the other contender. And Luke is ex-Army. Yes. A lot of ex-military, by the way, in this season, which we can get to in a minute. Yes. But yeah, that's a... I'll come back to Luke. It's a weird theme.

Yes, it is. Luke had a shot. Luke did have a shot. No chance. And then Grant won. I liked Grant based on his bio, but I didn't think that as far as I can tell, there's nothing that special about him other than the fact that he's like an extremely handsome firefighter.

Right. It's kind of boring, kind of nice and boring. Yeah, I wonder if they want him to like be involved in the franchise and that's why I give him some screen time or something. See how people respond to him. Yeah. Him walking out of that Kool-Aid man-sized hole that they had to punch in the building right with Jojo in his arms.

He's kind of an amazing vigil. Yeah, I mean, that's like perfect for this show. My hunch is Grant will be getting more screen time, perhaps Paradise. Who knows? Or maybe they just wanted to test him out because how can you have a firefighting challenge and expect anyone but the firefighter to win? Right. And it was kind of an empty challenge too, right?

Because basically he just got a couple more minutes with Jojo at the end of the group date. Yeah. And they didn't get a rose for it. It seemed completely functional, like, in terms of like getting grant screen time. And like, that's it. I don't know. Right. That whole thing was weird when the limo pulled up and just exploded.

Yeah, and Jojo pops out. Oh, maybe Jojo's dead. Oh, just kidding. Jojo looked kind of like, by the way, I'm dating myself terribly, but April O'Neill from the teenage media of the turtles when she was wearing the firefighter pants, by the way. I had that weird flashback to you. I could totally see Jojo playing April and like, and like falling for one of the turtles. She would mistake the turtle for muscles. Yeah.

Absolutely. The asshole turtle, yeah. That's a great, great call. Okay, so Grant won the challenge. basically was meaningless, but it was really kind of like Wells, who was the star of like this portion of the episode. Right. I was very high on Wells.

I am now less high on Wells. Really? Why is that? He looked sickly to me. I have no problem with his body weight, like, as many people were commenting, but he just looked like ill or something. Yeah, he's very, he's got hipster, but he's not the hipster, but he has the hipster build. He's a true hipster.

Yeah, I looked at his... Which is, not to say he's, like, tiny, by the way. No, not at all. But I looked at his bio, and he said a dream date was going to get tacos, get tacos being. one of the great phrases a long time. Yeah, absolutely. And then going and sitting on his porch and listening to Otis Redding. He's like the most torturedly hipster thing I've ever heard.

Let me just say for the record, I think that sounds great. Yeah, I mean, cool evening, but that feels very curated. Yeah, absolutely. That's a very curated answer, I think. For sure. He's also a DJ, so he's used to self-curation. So there you go. Yeah.

He said his dream was to get into syndication. Yeah, I think that's a good, realistic dream. Like, shout out to him. I don't know, just for some reason. I just felt like it was bizarre. It was just not a good look for Wells. Even though I still like him. I just,

I don't know. I felt like his value fell to me. Yeah. He's already like the butt of some jokes. Like he's not the villain, but they're just like, oh, Wells, he's too skinny.

Absolutely. And if he'd been like a stand-up comedy challenge. Yeah. He would have been, you know, Mr. Funny. Yeah. I can talk, I can think on my feet.

I talk for a living, right? Yeah. They usually early on have some kind of like performative challenge. There's an audience. It's kind of unfairly that Grant had to, I mean, that Wells had to do this firefighter challenge. Yeah, exactly. Great point. Okay, so, okay, so the first group date was this one that we just mentioned.

Then we'll come back to Derek's one-on-one-one, but the second group date was a trip to our former workplace, L.A. Live and the ESPN studios. That was bizarre. First of all, I'm just really pissed that after I leave ESPN and they finally have some Bachelor ESPN synergy. I just feel personally persecuted by that. Right next to the old Grantland office. Yes, I'm very upset. Can you imagine? I was imagining them walking into the old Grantland office. Oh, yeah. And they kind of come in all excited, Bill Simmons, right, sports, and then everyone's just kind of on G-chat and not talking to each other. Totally.

They did a weird thing, which is they had them walk into, like, the newsroom of ESPN out here, and there was no one at work. So it made it seem like deserted. When was that? Like a weekend morning or something? It must have been or something. And then they go to the sports. Then the guys go to the Sports Nation set, and they're greeted by Jojo at the desk with Max and Marcellus.

Max Kellerman and Marcellus Wiley. Corporate synergy. Corporate synergy. Yeah. And even for us, too, because Max Kellerman is on HBO. And our boss, Bill Simmons, will be on HBO. Although we will never be on HBO, probably. I actually don't want to speak for you.

Who knows? So anyway, they get to Sports Nation, and all of a sudden, Jojo has replaced Michelle Beatle. If I'm Beatle, I'm pissed. Where was she? Yeah, that was weird. And she would have been great on that. She's a great tele? She's like a great broadcaster.

Was she watching a Spurs game when that was taped or something like that? I don't know. I mean, my mental math says it was done sometime in March. I think Beetle should have been available. Yeah. I don't understand why. you would take the woman sportscaster out of a series of like out of like a segment about like sports casting like taking over marcells no offense to marcells yeah but i think michel would been a little more game

to the two texas gals i could totally see jojo and michel having good time together rating the proposals yeah yeah absolutely and this is when in true villain style chad his last name is johnson chad jonson he is the ochosynco not oh chosingo although yeah they are both villains so chad becomes um a jerk in this segment. Before we get to chat, I just want to say Jordan Rogers, brother of Aaron, was also in this segment. I wanted more from him. If you were going to bring me a former pro athlete to the ESPN set

and something that involves like quasi sports, I need more from you, bro. Absolutely. He's been kind of a drip. A little bit. Maybe he's just, we haven't seen the right cuts, the right edits or whatever. I liked him last week in the premiere. Yeah. And there's weird. So he followed his brother into professional football. Yes.

And Jojo followed her brothers into reality television, right? It's kind of a Kind of an amazing handoff, right? I know. They really are perfect. I suspect we'll be getting a lot more Jordan. I usually Google everything, like not just reality television, but like literally everything that comes across my like mental transom.

Like I just Google right away. And I have not Google Jordan because I don't want to spoil it for myself. It's kind of, I just looked at his football career. Okay. Tell me about it. He went to Juko out of high school, which is weird. Time out. Juko is a phrase that I'm very familiar with.

I feel like it's fallen out of the lexicon favor. It felt like a 90s phrase. didn't it? Yeah, let's bring it back. He went to Juco. Now you just take community college or junior college. And I kind of wonder about why that was because his brother was already a notable quarterback and brothers of players always get offers because you figure the other

one's going to be good. Anyway, didn't. Transfer's to Vanderbilt. He's really good at Vanderbilt. Is he the same class as Festus Azeli? Oh, I don't know. Huh, I think because, Tate, how old's Festus? He's 2012, so.

Yeah, and Jordan's 27, right? So I bet they're around the same age. And all athletes know each other at schools like that. His major was human and an organizational development, which is the great football player major. That's the athlete major. Yeah. So, awesome. So anyway, that's all I know. Interesting. Okay. Well, I don't, I don't, my brother texted me that said he was reading up on Jordan. Now I have to resist doing it myself. I'm just trying to enjoy Jordan. Jordan is presented to me on television.

Right. I'm going to be so pissed if we don't get any Rogers family. I don't even need Aaron, but like just give me the other brothers and the parents. Absolutely. What about Olivia Munn? Can we get her on the show? We'll take it. Absolutely. I'm just going to be pissed. But anyway, Jordan let me down this week. Yeah. I mean, he was very game to be with the bros, to sing, to talk, to get mad at Chad behind his back, right? He seemed like he was, like, having fun being on the show, which absolutely no one else is. Like, everyone else is quite stressed.

Probably except for Wells, because he got a rose when he didn't deserve it. And Jordan is also not stressed. He's just like, yeah, I'm cool. No. It would be nice to know if he was in a fraternity at Vandy, because this seemed like his lost fraternity years, right? Interesting, good point. We're going to make up songs and sit by the pool. I have a theory, which is perhaps he was like a reject in the athlete world, like not as good as his brother.

I mean, definitely true. I mean, yeah, and therefore, and also like Aaron Rogers just seems really fun, don't you think? Oh, well, no, no, actually I don't. I think he's more fun than Aaron. Which, you think Jordan's more fun? Oh, much more fun. Really? I think Aaron might have been fun at some time in his life, but being a huge quarterback, he's not fun anymore.

Too much pressure? He's the opposite of fun. But, like, Barack Obama references you. Like, shouldn't you be having fun in your life? Absolutely, you should. Like, that's amazing. But he's weird and churlish on social media. And yeah, he doesn't seem like a fun loving guy at all.

Who do you think is the, it would be the best NFL quarterback to be on The Bachelor? They don't even have to be single. Andy Dalton, way too boring. I was like what I'm moving kids here. Oh, yeah, Cam would be incredible. Dunn. Right? I would have said Tony Romo like eight years ago.

Sure. Right? What about when he leaves? He's married though right now? Yeah, he's spoken for it. Maybe he'll get divorced and he'll leave football and then he'll go on the show. I would totally watch that. After seeing Jojo, I think they should only have people from Dallas be the Bachelor or Bachelorette.

This is, yeah. Yeah, I mean, as a Texan, and a North Texan specifically, this is the bachelorette I've been waiting for. It really makes sense. It really makes sense. Culturally speaking, like, I finally feel like, oh my gosh, yes, this person. Right, she was made for this. Sean Lowe was kind of a near miss. He felt like the guy in high school who was inviting me on the Christian youth group ski retreat that I didn't want to go on, right?

Whereas Jojo feels like, yeah, you know, just the woman I knew in high school. She's like probably like, you know, just tailgating every Saturday. Yes. What do you think is her team? sweet and direct to, by the way. I think she said she didn't watch football on something I read, so I don't know. I would say Cowboys for the default, but. That's perfect, though.

She can adopt the team of her husband. There you go. She's like, she's perfect for this. God. Okay, so anyway, back to the Sports Nation date. So they do like some weird, like you have to like spin your head around on a bat and then propose to Jojo. And Chad won't really go along with the game.

No. And Jojo's kind of like ribbing him before it, which I liked. And he's like, God, getting pretty naggy all right. Yeah, that was wild, right? And this was like the insult heard around the world. Chad has called Jojo a nag, which first of all is sexist. That is true. Sure.

Yes, it is. But then again, this is The Bachelorette, so everything is sexist. And the guys do not respond well. They're like, no, that's not how you're supposed to talk to Jojo. It's like, he's kind of like done something that is not in the rulebook, but is not either outlawed nor condoned. Right. So they just like, they like freak out. It's like, the uncertainty of like, wait.

Wait, you can insult Jojo? What? Wait, you can, like, pull a power move, and they just don't know how to respond. He's challenging the point of the show itself. Yeah. Right? Absolutely. You're supposed to walk in and be in love with a person. And he's like, I'm going to treat it like somebody I just met at a bar.

Right. I'm going to be kind of an asshole. I'm going to be kind of skeptical and hope she kind of goes along with it, which she kind of did in this case, right? Yeah. It's really funny. I mean, it's like, to me, when the super villain of the season is revealed, the big question is dumb super villain or smart super villain. And I think with Chad, I made the journey from dumb to smart by the,

the end of the episode, right? Well, Chad, I made the journey from happy to hungry because I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but Chad is also the supervillain of the cocktail party, which is like the last, like, 40 minutes of the show. It's amazing. Yeah, I was like, how do we still have 40 minutes left? But now I know it's Chad had to eat a lot of meals because basically the cocktail party was structured around.

And if you don't watch the show, the cocktail party is like when Jojo mingles and decides who's going to send home, but whatever, why are you listening? if you don't know what that is. Anyway, Chad starts out the cocktail party, but he greets Jojo outside to take her on like a quote-unquote walk. I think they walked like 10 paces and then just talked to each other. Big power move. Yeah, big power move.

Then he kissed her. It didn't seem like a great kiss, in my opinion. And it was very perfunctory. Kind of obligatory, yeah. Yeah. And then they come back inside and the guys find out. They see him walk in with her, which is like eyes wide. They're like, of all the guys to walk in with her.

Why, Chad? And so Alex, I believe his name is Alex, he's a former Marine and a twin. As is Chad. As is Chad. Marine to Marine. Good point. That's part of this. That's an undercurrent here.

Yes, you're absolutely right. Alex, former Marine confronts Chad to former Marine. And he's very unhappy that Chad is breaking the rule. A flagrant disregard of the rules left and right, which also plays into this marine mentality. Yes. Because when you're in the armed services, you follow the rules. Yeah. And there's a hierarchy, there's a chain of command, and you stay in line.

And Chad is not staying in line. He's like a pulp novel hero that got out of the Marines, where he's like the like Jack Reacher or something, right? You know, I used to be in the Marines and now I follow my own rules. So, he has that mentality. Alex walks up to Chad and starts to like question him. Not like that, not that Chad's on anything wrong. In fact, I'm sure the producers were quite happy with Chad.

And Chad is like eating like some kind of cocktail meatball on a stick or maybe it was a skewer. It was a meat on a stick. And it was definitely supposed to be like a one bite kind of food. But he was eating it in like four bites. And they're just like, and they like, they start commenting on his food on like how he's just eating. And then there's, and so there's this Alex and Chad confrontation. Meanwhile, it's just, it's just important to know that Chad towers over Alex in this.

So the visuals, there's a really unequal power dynamic. For sure. And Alex is not scared. No. I don't really know what the resolution of this interaction was. It's, I don't think there was any of it. Like, it was like, we're going to fight next week. Yeah.

I mean, so that, that's funny to me. The Chad Jordan thing is like, Chad says, you are a wimp. Yeah. You're a football player, but you're a fake tough guy. I'm a real tough guy. I think the child is correct, by the way. With Alex, it's like, you're a real tough guy. We're both real tough guys, but I'm a bigger real tough guy than you.

And I drank muscle milk all day. Well, funny you should mention that. Before the cocktail party, he said he did not have a protein shake so that he can enjoy all the food of the party. That's amazing. And then you see him just shoveling deli meat into his mouth. Nine meals worth at least. It was incredible. Like, at all points throughout the show, he was eating a different kind of meat.

So I just have a lot of questions. First of all, one guy was like, he might just be here for the free food. And you want to know what? Great reason for going on the show. Potentially, yes. I'm okay with that. So then, do they know that he liked meat?

Do they know that these guys liked meat? Why do they have so much meat available to be eaten? Yeah, but I think that's what these guys want, right? They want meat, no bread, right? Because you know, there was like a small thing of sandwiches there. Yeah, no attached shit. And then there was like a deli section of meats that everybody was. Yeah, there was a deli section of meat.

There were these skewers. There was another kind of meat, too. There was, like, chicken or. something. There was three, we saw him having three distinct meat meals over the course of like four hours of those cocktail party. Yeah. My underrated Chad food moment, by the way, was he was trying to describe his disdain for all the guys in the house. And he said, if you put them all together, there would be like a dude protein shake. Like his, his range of metaphor extends only to things you can buy at G&C. It was so funny. They're like, they're like fish oil.

Yeah. That's like his, like, that's all he knows in life. And then Chad is even eating during the elimination. Like he's standing, he's standing on the rug. First time in Bachelor history? Absolutely. Eating during a rose ceremony. Absolutely. And so this did actually open up a whole, like, different part of, like, body shaming.

Like, I'm The Bachelor. When the women are buying for a man, this show would never really, you would never hear the women talking about the other woman's bodies. Like, I'm sure they do, but you just don't see it on camera. There's no, like, calling each other's fat. There's no calling each other pretty.

There's no calling each other. Like, there's just no commenting on each other's appearances. And, like, as a woman, I can say that that is not normal. Like, you know, I'm sure that. this group of women comment on each other. Well, the guys, like this episode was actually quite dominated by commenting on each other's like physical stature. Yeah.

And then they were so shocked that he was eating. It's like they only have, it's like none of them eat like at night or I don't know what it is. Yeah, and they were all drinking. Yeah. Just like crazy. Yes. But him eating like crazy was totally beyond the pale.

It was weird. He must have decided that was like going to be a bit, right? I think so. He's smart. That's what I think he's, I don't know, smart. Smart is probably the wrong word, devious, right? His favorite movies. Cunning?

His favorite movies. on the website, he said the notebook, right, which has got to be a bit, right? He also was like, it's also weird when the bad guy is funnier than the good guys. Right. Remember when they- It's problematic? They confronted him that one time before Alex confronted him and he said he was being surrounded by care bears, right? And it kind of, you saw him and they did look like care bears.

Like, he was kind of right. It was weird. Like, a group was, like, often, like, forming around him or then he'd be in the center. And it's, like, kind of like giving him what he wants. Like, he's getting the attention. He knows he's a problem. That's just going to fuel him on this show. So I think we raised us last time we were together on this very,

program when a bachelor or a bachelorette contestant tries to date a member of their family is jojo dating her brothers her asshole brothers by dating chad that's a great question i bet yes yeah right yeah when i looked him i was like he reminds me for brothers yeah now i would love to see them actually meet because i think they would just kill each other i know i wonder how far he goes i bet he goes far you think so yeah i can see far i could see like two more weeks and then you know they have the thing where they all confront her about like you got to get rid of this guy and she's not no one said it yet but but we know he's not here for the right reasons. It's only a matter of time before someone says it.

Jojo, I'm concerned. I'm just so curious about what his eating will be like when they're not in the mansion. Like when they start traveling. Oh, yeah, what's going to do? Like, one of my favorite things to do when I'm in a new city, a new country, whatever, is to try the local snacks. Like, will Chad be trying, like, the local jerky? Like, what kind of flavors will he be getting?

You know that all these guys have, like, protein powder and beef jerky, like, in their drawers probably. It's probably, like, all they really eat. Chad had a whole suitcase full it, as far as we could tell. It was, and they have shown muscle milk before. I believe Sean Lowe had it. Right. It was pretty ridiculous. I mean, the eating was just like, it was shocking.

And it was really, it was bookmarked by them saying how light Wells was at the beginning of the episode. And then finishing with them just talking incessantly about how he was like being rude by eating. It's like, the food is there for you people. You could all be eating it. Totally. I don't know. The Chad development was interesting. It was really weird.

It kind of made me worried about this season because there's no one who's straight up likable. Like usually there's someone who I have like a straight up crush on and maybe I'm growing up or perhaps it's a bad season. I don't know. But so far I don't have like a crush. Could Jordan become that guy if he comes out of a shell a little bit? I'm too. What about James Taylor? Okay.

Thank you for bringing up James Taylor. What do you think of him before I share my opinion? First of all, another amazing name. A singer-songwriter, quote unquote. Name James Taylor. I wonder if that's really his name or he usually goes by James. Who knows? He's another Texan?

Yes, he is. It's like the third Texan on this season? She must like Texan. Did she put some, like, requirements like ex-military and Texans? Did she check a few boxes that the thing went? I think that ex-military is interesting. I think that, like, in general, I can understand why. Like, I feel like, I feel like Survivor on, like, other reality shows, like, appeals to a certain kind of person.

And I feel, like, structure and rigidity of, like, a competition. As absurd as this may be, I can kind of understand why, like, ex-military, out of the dating game, getting back into it. That's true. I mean, like, this is an absurd theory. Great shape. Yeah, not. Right. I hope this is an offensive theory.

I don't know. I don't think so. But, like, I can kind of understand what, like, the rules of a dating game would appeal to someone who's come through a very rigid system. I could see that. And also, they just look great. Yeah. They're in great shape.

Yeah. Like, Chad and Alex are both, like, TV ready. Yeah. I would love to know, by the way, when the long-form profile of Chad has written, Chad Johnson. Don't call me Ocho Cinco, maybe that's a headline, is why he went into the military to? Like, why he went into the Marines? Right.

You know, I think his dad's in real estate, too, I read. And so, like, why did he go into the Marines? Interesting, right? Yeah, I don't know. First question, Chad. Also, Marine is different than Army or Navy. Like, it's a lot more intense. Historically, Marines are, like, the president's, like, force, you know?

So, like, there's a certain, and that's not how they're used anymore, but there's a certain, like, a amount of prestige that goes with being a Marine that the other forces don't have. Absolutely. It's just, it's interesting. Actually, it is fascinating. The Army, obviously, would never do reality TV, but it would make for a great television. We'll take it. I've always come out with ideas on this show that can never be.

So anyway, James Taylor, this is my take. This is exactly what I wrote down. Strong on TV, bad in real life. Get your guitar away from me. And by that, I mean, I once went on a trip. Like a group trip. Storytime. Yeah, story time.

Once went on a group trip. And it was like mostly people that didn't know each other. It was like they were a friend or whatever. And there was one guy who brought a guitar. And like at night when we'd be hanging out at the hotel or wherever, we were saying, he could get his guitar and, like, would start singing and, like, start, like, composing, like, his singing will on the group. And he didn't have a very wide range, and it was a lot of, like, Boni Vair. And I was really, like, annoyed by the guitar guy. I was

like, I get it. It's cool. You're trying to, like, rally people around you, but, like, know your spots. I just feel like James Taylor might not know his spots. Like, he's really leaning on his guitar singing as a crutch. I didn't even think about that, but guitar guy can be... Yeah, you're a monster, right? It's like a jukebox that doesn't turn off. Yeah, and, like, if someone's, Can you stop? It's just really rude. So you're just trapped. You're trapped listening to the guitar guy. Right. But he won over the guys and Jojo because he reads her this just kind of ridiculously emotional poem that's about God and her and stuff. And she started crying. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Right? The guys far too easily accepted James Taylor, which like again

No threat. Yeah, I guess. He's the guitar guy, right? I know. It's just too annoying. How far do we think he? Guitar guy cannot win. Does he feel like a fifth place finisher to you? Because that's what what he feels like to me. Fifth, like she just kind of doesn't think to eliminate him for, which she's never, she's never going to pick him, but she just doesn't eliminate him. When someone starts, like, playing an instrument for you, you just, like, want to, like, give them the benefit of the doubt because it's like, oh, this is nice. First of all, they're skilled, you know? It's, like, nice to know you've got a talent. Kind of decent voice.

And then it's like, oh, they're trying to please you with, like, their music. And you just, any kind of deterrent to that is just, like, straight up rude. So you're stuck with a guitar guy. So I think you're right. He probably goes kind of far. But I just felt like if all the guys were accepting guitar guy, that, that. that that speaks poorly of the group. And I was just like, can you be a little more discerning? Like a little more discriminant of who you accept into your heart? They all loved each other.

It was only that Canadian guy whose name I totally forget now. Daniel? Daniel. Who were off on their own little island, right? Seriously. Everyone else is the dad Daniel man. I know. Everyone seems to like each other.

Even Vinny the barber got to have like a sound bite this week. I know. You can't be a barber with a bad haircut. My wife pointed the same thing out. She said he's got the worst haircut on the show. And I was like, oh, yeah. Very upsetting. We didn't even talk about the one-on-one date, which was Derek.

Which was so boring. So boring. They must have known, too. And I think that Derek, Jojo was talking to Derek, like, he was a podcast guest that she'd never met before. And she was, like, worried. That's great. She was, like, worried about offending him.

And she was, like, narrating their date as it was happening because there had nothing else to talk about. And San Francisco is a great place to visit, I think. But, like, they didn't do anything, like, fun. No. They just, like, sat by the Golden Gate Bridge. They're like, I picked the Golden Gate Bridge. And you're like, you know, you know, so it's a bridge, right?

It's not something you visit. Like, ride a bike or something. ride a bike across it, get some GoPro's on your helmet or something. Nicest thing ever said about Derek must be, right, that he looks from one angle, he looks like John Chris. Absolutely. That's a nice. His compliment that he's taken his whole life, right?

He's like, oh, thanks. But just from one angle. Yeah, just right. Then he turns his head like two degrees and you're like, oh, no. It's also when he opens his mouth. He doesn't look like him anymore. He does not. Yeah, it's just a closed mouth, mouth, silent simulacra.

There you go. Yeah, thank you. At the end of the day, Jojo says, I think there's more to learn. about him and my wife. I don't know if I'm supposed to quote on this or not. If it's okay with her, but she goes, I hope so. Because he's so boring. He was so boring.

And you could tell. That was a really bad date. Isn't it worth the money to fly them up to San Francisco and back in one day? Is it worth the harm to our environment? I know. So it was going to fly south? So, I know. Because there's nothing south.

You really? Nothing. Just the rest of the world. Yeah. Who chose him or her? Well, the first one was at the same time. Right. And then I think she was kind of.

leading the choice maybe. I wonder if they paid if they were prepared to do both. I don't think. Well, it can't be, right? I hope not.

That's that much money? I don't think so. I think their budget is continually slashed, though the show is like more popular than ever. Yeah. Derek was, Derek was the total snooze fest. I can't,

the only reason you get out of date was because you can't send someone home from a one-on-one in episode two. Otherwise, he'd be gone. We're still in the weird part of the season where guys get to it, like Robbie. Who's Robbie? He's the got the bow tie and the hair.

By the way, kind of looked like the ringers Robert May. just a little bit. Could be a relative cousin, right? I think it was the hair. I think that just the smile too. I don't know.

Ouch. I don't know. No, I mean that in a nice way. Okay. Okay. But like the erectile dysfunction guy got a lot of weird screen time. Oh, God. Evan.

Who is clearly there to be a narrator, right? Yeah. We're keeping him around because he can speak. Yeah, he can speak to the camera. So Jojo was da-da-da-da, you know, he's going to take us through the episode. He sucked. He sucked. He really sucked. And then also I think Chase is kind of a dark horse candidate.

He was the one with the snow. Had a big comeback. Yeah, I think Chase, I didn't even know he was. Me neither. I think he might be around for a while. Yeah. He seemed like he made an impression on her. This is the episode that made me think they should have a gym at the Bachelor Mansion. They probably, do they not?

Well, like, with cameras in it and guys just go in the morning every day to lift. They had that on the challenge. Wouldn't that be great? Yes. And then we could see them making their protein patterns. Because they would, I think they'd be at home in there. Oh, yeah. They would talk and.

They definitely work out every day. Like even there's not an official jam. Why don't we have cameras in there? I don't know. That's a good question. I would like more of the guys. hanging around. I bet it's like kind of embarrassing. Oh sure. And there's a lot of a lot of shit talk in there for sure. Definitely. But probably they probably select like two guys that all decide they're

not going to like like Chad and probably Jordan. And then they just only talk about them, basically. Yeah. I don't know. I'm a little worried about this season. I just need more from Jordan. I have feeling if Chad is eliminated, we're going to be left with a lot of nice guys. Yes. A lot of boring nice guys. All like meat dudes. Like they're like go up to her and say something. you got such a problem. Or like the way they were just like this like gang circling around Chad was was upset. What about the guy who wanted the bubble bath thing that we saw in the little? Did you see that at the very end of the show?

Yes, it was definitely weird. I think the guys are trying to get Jojo's attention in all the wrong ways. Yeah. I don't know what Jojo wants. I don't know. There's just not a cool guy in this bunch. Like I know Ben wasn't cool, but there was like a charm to him that apparently is catapulting him into office.

There's none of that in this season. I know. Like who right now who would be your pick for the? next bachelor. Jordan, if he didn't win, would obviously be. That's a Jesse Palmer model, right? Boy, gosh, who else in that group? The singer-songwriter's just not hot enough, right?

I think, like, maybe Wells, if you bulked up a little bit. Wells, there you go. Because he's a great talker. Yeah, and also, I could see, like, people like me being like, oh, Taco's and Otis Redding. That sounds great. And, like, just being into that. Tacos and Otis Redding. That sounds like a lovely evening.

Brian, thank you for doing Bachelor Party this week. It's always a pleasure. Thank you so much. You're just, you know, you are the, you're the Wells of this, or you're sorry, you're the Evan of this podcast. You're just speaking really well. The erectile dysfunction expert of this podcast. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, Julia. Thank you for listening to Channel 33. Don't forget to check out our other podcast. I'm going to rail them off real fast. The Bill Simmons podcast, Shackhouse, the MLB show, ringer show, sorry, NBA show, NFL show, The Watch and Keeping at 1600. That last one, especially going to come in handy as the election approaches. The Ringer is launching this week.

That's the ringer.com. Keep an eye out for it. And come back next week. Bachelor Party is always on Tuesday's afternoon. I'm Juliet Lippman. Thanks again for listening.