The Press Box - Ep. 94: 'Jam Session' With Juliet Litman and Amanda Dobbins

Episode Date: April 20, 2016

Juliet and Amanda advocate for Australian biosecurity by breaking down Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's apology video. Then, they tackle the greatest moments in celebrity apology with Ariana Grande (16:00), Kristen Stewart (25:00), Kanye West (32:00), and Jeremy Piven (36:00). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's Channel 33 podcast, Jam Session, is brought to you by Seekkeek. It's our presenting sponsor and the only fan-friendly app for buying and selling sports and music tickets. Other sites have gone back to the same old tactic of showing you a lower price and then charging huge fees at checkout. But Seat Geek, the price you see is always the price you pay. With Seekkeek, there's no guesswork. You'll know exactly how much you're paying, where you're sitting, and whether or not you're getting a good deal. All right from your phone. So drop your old site and experience buying and selling tickets the way it should be.

start using Seekkeek, download the free Seatkeek app, or go to Seekkeek.com. Welcome to Jam Session. I'm Juliet Litvin. I'm Amanda Dobbins. And we both respect Australia's biosecurity. Yes, we do. I'm rooting for Australia. I am rooting for everyone at the Australian Department of Agriculture who had an incredible week. Juliet, would you like to explain? Yes, I would. So Johnny Depp and Amber Heard went on vacation or something. They were, Johnny Depp was filming Pirates of the Caribbean Five.

Oh, okay. Five. Five. Five. I missed one, two, three, and four. Maybe I'll catch five. I was filming in Australia a year ago. Okay. Amber Heard, his new wife, went to visit him. As of this past Christmas or something, right? I don't know. Recent, newlyweds, really, still deep in the throes of love, I assume. Yes. Anyway, so I'll let you, I interrupted.

They went to Australia for Pirates of the Caribbean Five, and they brought their two dogs with them, which they did not declare customs. Yes. And as a result, they got into a legal tangle at the Australian Department of Agriculture. Which has been going on for a year. This was a full year ago. Full year. That makes sense. If you watch The Good Wife, you know that a legal case takes a while. So they didn't declare the dogs or being sued.

And as part of the litigation, they submitted a taped apology, which this week made its way to the internet. Instead of jail time and like a $15,000 fine, or maybe they had to pay the fine anyway, they did a plea deal. pled guilty and brought this video to court. So this video is before the plea, though, right? I think it was a part of the plea. Yes, so they submit, so let's listen to their apology. Tape, play it. Australia is a wonderful island with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals, and people.

It has to be protected. Australia is free of many pests and diseases that are commonplace around the world. That is why Australia has to have such strong biosecurity laws. Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. When you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly. I'm truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declaring. Protecting Australia is important. Declare everything when you enter Australia.

Okay. Wait, so let's set the scene because, I mean, please go on YouTube. Please go to the Australian Department of Agriculture's YouTube page where you can watch this video. But just to give you a picture right now, it's definitely filmed on a webcam from the worst possible angle. It's like the coffee table

is like only a foot off the ground and they're staring into it and it looks like some weird ransom video. Like it looks like they're being held hostage and this is the only way for them to get out. Johnny Depp looks reanimated. It's just like zombie Johnny Depp and he's so angry.

She really looks like a child bride. Like her youth is really exacerbated in this video. And she keeps kind of like, Looking at Johnny Depp is like maybe she can get him to invest in this. I don't know. At least she seems to have a sense that jail time is on the line. Sure.

Johnny Depp is just like, I'm over this. It's incredible. Johnny Depp is like, I've been famous for 35 years. I don't need to declare my dogs, Australia. And he's furious. But let's go line by line, basically. So Amber Heard starts. Australia has a wonderful island of the treasure trope of unique plants, animals, and people.

That seems fine. So when I first put this on, I was like, oh, this is Amber Heard. Like I know her name, but when I hear Amber, I immediately think of Amber Rose and like, that's it and I can't get past it. So I was doing some Amber Heard research trying to get to know her. Her trial, the child bride aspect was really like came into focus when I started researching her because she seems to like surround herself with her dad and Johnny Depp like at all times. And she was on some show that's like punked but not punked on the Velocity Channel. Have you ever heard of that? I literally have no idea what that is.

No idea. was on a faked punked where they pretend that her like antique was getting antique car was getting towed and she was really upset and then at the end johnnie deaf and her dad comes out and she was like oh god my two tricksters and it just made it seem like a very strange relationship which performance is better the fake punked performance or this video performance definitely this video performance this one is like this one is there so much pathos going on of so much contempt really the other one is just like mild terror of like a rich person being like oh my car is in a be towed and I guess I'll have to buy a new one. I have to say this is the best Amber Hurd performance that I have ever seen. Is there like a signature Amber Hurd performance for you? Well, I was going to say the only other Amber Hurd performance that I have really spent time with was Magic Mike XXL. Okay. I did not see that in the theater.

It was a huge mistake. Just never got around to it. I saw it with my fiancé, like a date night. He was one of three men in the theater. And there was definitely like a group of, you know, 20 women with their liquor smuggled in. And I was very, I was envious. I wanted to be with them. I was like almost a little embarrassed to be with Zach, even though it's fine.

I don't know. It's just that's not a movie to see with men. That's a movie to see in the company of women and alcohol. Does she play Channing Tatum's girlfriend? Yes. So she's the new Cody Horn. She's the new Cody Horn. And she's an upgrade from Cody Horn.

Yeah, sure. Cody Horn, I think, is extremely popular with men. And that's it. Yes. And Kevin Love, who used to date Cody Horn. Oh, right. Yes. I remember that.

I'm pretty sure they broke it up. There's not been a lot of Cody Horn news of late. in general. So Amber Hurd just seems like she's never been, like, in trouble ever before. Like, I can't think of another time or maybe she'd even been slapped on the wrist. She kind of reminds me of like a real-life version of Jessa. Yes. From girls.

I mean, it's a hair a bit. The hair is a lot of it. Also, Jessa had an older man phase. That's true. Also, there's one part of this video that I'm really interested in. It's the next Amber Heard line. Australia is free of many pests and diseases. She's definitely doing, like, a fake British accent for the,

The first 10 sec, like first five words, very Jemima Kirk. I don't know what's going on there. It's also very Johnny Depp. Like, I feel like he has, like, somehow, you know, corrupted her. That's true. At least her linguistic skills. I don't understand his accent. Like, what is that?

He's another god's, like, he's maybe the original I'm so weird that you can't know my true self. Did you ever love Johnny Depp? I went through his IMDB page today. Mm-hmm. There is, like, not a single Johnny Depp film that I would truly ride for. There are some I liked. I mean, honestly, I think the only one that I'm like, yeah, that's a great movie is What's Eating Gilbert Grave? Okay, fair enough.

That's a long time ago. I mean, Edward Cisorhands. Yeah, that's good. I guess had some, I don't know. He's not for me. You're a very dutiful blockbuster viewer. Have you seen all the Pirates movies? I don't think so.

I think maybe I saw one. I definitely, I watched the trailer of the one with Penelope Cruz several times because I really like Penelope Cruz. Yes. Who doesn't love her? I don't think I made it to the theaters for the full Pirates experience. I had no idea until I moved to L.A. four years ago that the movies were based on a ride at Disneyland. I was about to say I love the ride at Disneyland. It's one of the best rides.

It's like a classic ride. I think many people feel the same way. I had no idea that existed. Like I thought the movies were like original IP. I didn't know. It was like, I didn't know it was repurposed. I was like, I thought that it was like a truly original blockbuster franchise, but no, it was not. Okay.

Incorrect. All right, let's keep going through this transcript. Okay, so here's my next question. We're going to move on to Johnny Depp. Yes. Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. Two things. One, every single time I keep, I think he says,

and erect, as opposed to and direct. So that's troubling. And two, like, why are you giving Johnny Depp the line where he has to say nice things about people? Does he know warmth? Does he know what that means? Also, he says Australians are just as, unique, as unique as what, as whom? Like, there's no, like, precursor for that. I know the plants,

animals, and people, but he already said people, unique people. You're like, I don't, I don't understand. Who do you think wrote this apology? Probably, like, some, like, the Tate of the Department of Agriculture. Tate. Like, whoever was like... That's, that's, slander. Tate's apology would be much, much more, have a lot more feeling. I was just referring to station at the company. Okay. So, you know, a workhorse, someone given a lot of tasks, be like, hey, we need to do day. Well, whoever wrote it, I don't know whether moving along, I don't know whether including Pistol and Boo, the names of the two Yorkshire Terriers in the apology, like really, I don't think that that contributes to this seriousness. They so would have Yorkshire Terriers. Pistol and Boo.

Those are really, those are like almost like, I think like basic names, kind of. Yeah. Like boo is your dog name? Come on. I expected more of Johnny Depp. I mean, I think they're maybe they're her dogs. I think she possibly brought them to the marriage. I don't know if he's capable of love. I just don't know. I was very upset when he broke off his like long-term non-marriage to Vanessa Parody. Yeah. He's a lovely French model slash actress. Have you ever, have you seen her film Heartbreaker? No, I haven't. It's great. It's like a French rom-com. It was on Netflix for a while. I really recommend it up for a Sunday Netflix experience. That's, who's like the Hugh Grant of Heartbreaker? Oh, what's his name? You'd recognize him. He's the French, um, dude. Romandris.

I don't know him. Google him. You'd be like, oh, that guy. Oh, okay. Oh, that guy. Okay. Great. Oh, that French guy.

Did you watch it with subtitles? Yeah. Huh. I don't think I would ever, like, go to Netflix. I'd be like, yeah, subtitles. But maybe I should get into that. I mean, luckily, you don't really have to follow the plot too much. It's like they aren't together and then they're going to get together.

Right. And it's very visually stimulating. Oh, cool. It takes place in the South of France. Oh, nice. I've never been there. And you can sort of follow along with the plot points without really reading everyone. Sounds like an ideal Netflix watch actually. It's fantastic. It's both aspirational and

easy to follow. Yeah. Sounds lovely. Also, Johnny Depp, when she like says the name of the animals, he kind of like, I feel like goes still. He kind of like, he's like cringes almost in his seat. And it's like he's so embarrassed and angry with the whole charade and like just bringing like their personal like property into it like by name seems to like really bother him. Does he even feel anger though? Does he care enough to even be angry? I'm getting vibes that he's so over the whole experience. Is he dead inside or just so weird that we can't under, that it doesn't work in a YouTube video?

Okay, so anyway, speaking of him, I don't know who also decided to let Johnny Depp speak. He honestly should have been like a good wife standing next to Ever Heard while she gave the speech. Like, this is her mess. Let her own it. Also, he's not helping. But finishing with Johnny Depp just like muttering,

declare everything when you enter us. is if like Johnny Depp is the new authority on customs and international relations, not a wise choice. One thing this does bring to light, which I didn't know until about last year or two years ago, like in the same vein of the Pirates revelation, is like customs has work outside of the airport. Like if you're a customs officer, it's like you're kind of like on like the smuggling beat at all times.

I didn't, it took me also a long time to learn that. And so I just would love to know about like the customs officers who were like, damn Johnny Depp, like he's ruining everything. I wonder like just in general how often people don't declare things because I'm like a scared person. So like when I'm on a plane, I'm like got to declare everything. You're declaring like the $10. Yeah.

Like the key chain. Yeah, exactly. But like I just wonder like what are the most outrageous like non-declarations people have gotten caught for. This has to be a high up there. And also celebrities are probably more. subjected to it because they get photographed with stuff they probably shouldn't have brought

in. That's true. Can't you just imagine someone from the customs department seeing a picture, like a paparazzi photo of them, be like, huh, I wonder about their dogs and looking it up or something like that? Yes, definitely. I feel like what else can really get you in trouble? Dogs, like large plants, but like who's rolling around who's flying to, you know, Australia besides me. Yeah, I would say you would do that. I would definitely bring up my trees.

Yeah, I guess that's true. Don't say that while Mallory is listening. Like plant seeds, yeah. I mean, it can't happen that often. But who knows? People do crazy shit. That's true. Also, I feel like with the degradation of the plane experience, people just bring more and more crazy stuff on. Also, the funny thing here was this was a private jet.

So it's really just a situation of Amber Hood thinking that she can just like bypass all laws. Like just do whatever. Yeah. For the Yorkshire Terriers. If you had shown me this video and been like without sound, it would have been a really fun game to like guess what they were discussing. because they just look so miserable and also stoned. Where was it filmed also? It's definitely like the same hotel conference room

or Maria Sharipova diss the card. Or their lawyer's office, one or the other. Or maybe that's the same place. I just can't believe that this is a real thing. So you and I both thought that as part of their plea deal, like the Australian government had forced them to do this. Yeah. It turns out that maybe, I don't,

I think they probably were asked. do it and they agreed in order to kind of lessen their fee. But they willingly walked into court with this. Oh, yeah. I can't believe that. They were like, here. Here's our apology. It's like when you're trying to buy a house and you write like a really like heartfelt note of like why you should get it.

But like the opposite, basically. It's so, it's so, so bizarre. Okay, but so is this a net win or loss for them? I think it's a win. I do too. Like, first of all, it compelled me to Google Amber Heard. I'm more interested in both of them than I have been in a really, me too. I'm talking about that more than I have in a very long time. I, in general, don't have a lot of interest in Johnny Depp. So now I'm like, oh, okay, what's he been up to? Like, tell me more of his time in Australia. Let me check out the Australian press. Like, do they care about him? Definitely his most entertaining performance in a while.

Yeah. Oh, definitely. Well, I mean, I haven't seen a Johnny Depp movie in, like, ages. I can't remember the last one I saw. Oh, Into the Woods. That was the last one I saw. Yep, pass. And he was in it for like a minute. Are you going to bring up Into the Woods on every podcast? I think I might. Just to test your patient. Okay. Still not watching it. Really sorry. It's okay. So we are obsessed with this film. Yes.

So this short film, let's call it a short film. That's what it is. It's a film. But this sort of got us talking about celebrity apologies in general. Because there are a number of great ones through the years. They're really, there are. And I want to be clear. It's becoming its only cottage industry in the PR business.

It's true. You can only really have a great apology if you're apologizing for something dumb. So we're not going to be including apologies for like physical assault or racism or sexism. Anything that would be like a felony. Yeah. Or anything that's like, you know, hurtful and you should know better. Yes. This is, we're not including those.

The only good apology in that situation is to apologize and go away. Yeah. And to be sincere, which a lot of people seem to struggle with. Yeah. Also, a lot of people seem to do that. I apologize to people that were offended. Like, no, you're just, you're sorry. Right.

Don't put it on the other people. It's your fault. Right. That's so true. an apology where it's like basically like victim blaming. Yeah. So let's jump into some other celebrity apologies. But first, let us tell you about black tucks.

Juliet, I am not cool enough to pull off a tux. Some women do. It's very hard for women. It is very hard, though. I always respect women who can do it. Me too. It's a good look. But I do like a man in a tuxedo.

Who doesn't? Unfortunately, most men do not own tuxedos, and it's also very easy to rent bad tuxedos. You know, if you went to prom, you can attest. So if you have ever had to rent a tuxedo or suit for an event, you know how terrible it can be. Multiple trips to a dusty showroom, aggressive salespeople, and cheap-feeling products that simply don't fit. I hate that. I do, too.

Nothing like an ill-fitting item to make you feel like you're the problem and really it's the clothes. And it's just like if you want, there's nothing worse than looking like fake James Bond, you know, like James Bond who can't quite gut it. Oh, yeah. So, solution. The Black Tux was created to save guys from Tuxedo Rental Hell. So here's how it works. Visit the black tux.com and select from complete looks or build your own. The black tux designs and manufacturers beautifully tailored modern suits and tuxedos

and offers them for rent entirely online. Prices start at 95 bucks, which is pretty good. Yeah, it's definitely cheaper than a fancy dress. Your suit will arrive seven days before your event, which leaves plenty of time to try it on. You should also take a picture and send it to your date. That's just a pro tip for me to you. If the fit needs a tweak, the black tux will do whatever it takes to fix it in time. Once your event is over, just put the suit back in the box and send it back.

Shipping is free both ways. You probably have a wedding or other occasion on your calendar this year that calls for dressing up. I know I do. If you need to rent a suit or tux for it, don't do it the old-fashioned way. Visit the blacktucks.com slash BSPN and experience a new way to rent. That's the blacktucks.com slash BSPN. And now let's talk about some more apologies. Let's start with Ariana Grande.

First of all, we should credit Amber Heard. She's truly sorry. She took a head on. And also, like, an incredible performance apology for a really dumb thing. Yes. So the next really incredible performance apology for a really dumb thing that I would like to talk about is Ariana Grande Donut Gate. Let's do it.

Are you familiar? Oh, yeah, definitely. I was kind of like an early Ariana Grande fan. She had one record that I really liked. That first album with Baby Eye and... Yeah. That was very good. It was the Mariah Carey album.

Yeah. But listen, I'm not mad at a Mariah Carey album ever. I think it goes in her rider that you're not allowed to bring up Mariah Carey around her. Whatever. Like, she's like, she's a real piece of work. Do you think it's like her lawyers being like Mariah Carey will sue us? I think Ariana Grande should. She should embrace it, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't.

She doesn't like to be, she wants to be like her own person. She should stop performing all I want for Christmas with you various places. By the way, just like Google that 400 YouTube videos. Let's give you some advice to make to make, to make, to make, that work. Yeah, that record was called yours truly, and it was great. It has, like, a lot of, like, really good songs on it, made some made onto my gym mix even. Wow. It's a big, a big place to be. Okay, so anyway, Arana Grande, Donut Gate. I don't, I'll just summarize this for you. Again, I recommend Googling the video. TMZ got surveillance footage from a donut shop.

How much would you be willing to pay if you worked at TMZ for this video? Keep in mind we're talking about it eight months later. Yeah, that's true. I always, I feel like I always, I'm like, I paid $250,000 and then it turns out TMZ pays like $3,000 for these things. Here's what I want to say. If you are someone out there with footage and you're going through the hassle of selling stuff to TMZ, like please raise your prices.

Please know that you are worth more and that you can get at least five figures, maybe six, like push it. Believe in yourself. I would say if I was going to TMZ the video, it would be a minimum $10,000. Yeah, check the local laws. and then protect yourself and demand what you're worth.

And ask for cash. Yeah, and ask for cash. They got this video of her, and she's in a donut shop, and she's licking them for inexplicable reasons, and also saying she hates America. Right. So, like, number one question is just what on earth? Yeah.

Are you more offended by the donut looking, or are we saying she hates America? Because I'm definitely more offended by the donut looking. Don't waste good food. I guess I'm not particularly offended by any of it. I mean, don't be a brat. Don't do this shit, but like I'm not, this is not keeping me up at night. I'm just curious, like, what is this demonstration?

Who walks into a donut store, licks all the donuts, and then it's like, I hate America and Americans. Like, what? It doesn't make any sense. I'm almost like, was this stage. Or a shan drugs. Maybe that, but conspiracy quarter, like, maybe this is, this doesn't make sense. No. I think it's probably drugs.

Okay. I don't know, although, you know, she's on, she's Team Scooter. It's not like they're stupid managers, but I don't think this is, this is not really, it wasn't really on brand for her. Also, it was bad timing because it was a right around the time where there's, like, pictures of her being carried around. Oh, God, I forgot about that. And it just made it seem like she was, like, the worst person in the world who would do nothing

for herself. Okay, so video gets out on TNC. Yeah. People are outraged. So, apology number one, is a screenshot. on Twitter. It's the one true way to apologize. Screenshot of your notes app. So to be fair

the actual tweet is, need to clean up this mouth of mine and set a better example for my babes. I apologize and I love you. Always learning. I think one thing that's important to remember with her is the bulk of her audience is extremely young because she's a Nickelodeon star. Or Disney, I can't remember which one. I think it's

Nickelodeon. Sam and Cat? Yeah, Nickelodeon. Yeah, he used to film it down the street. So anyway, that's fine. But with this tweet, she includes a note screenshot. I'm just going to read the first bit. Please do. My friend Ryan, who is buying the donuts, was taken out of context, and I am sorry for not using more discretion with my choice of words. As an advocate for healthy eating, food is

very important to me, and I sometimes get upset by how freely we as Americans eat and consume things without giving any thought to the consequences that it has on our health and society as a whole. And then it just becomes a large screed about the child obesity rate. United States and educating ourselves. And then at the end, because she had canceled an appearance, as for why I cannot be at the MLB show, I've had emergency oral surgery and due to recovery, I cannot attend the show. All right. Incredible. Incredible. Spending this into like a cause of childhood obesity, very impressive. High marks on that front. That's very, very difficult to do. And to like frame this as like I feel passionate about something and that's why I did this,

It was really savvy. This is probably where her managers came in. They're like, here's what we're going to do. Make it into a cause. But you want to know what? Ariana Grande is just too petite. I don't think she's ever thought about obesity before. She's like a small person.

So it's like obesity would not happen to her. Right. Counterpoint, this is total bullshit and everyone knew it. Like straight up, what the fuck are you talking about? And she got so much flag for this statement that she had to issue a second apology after the dental surgery or oral surgery that she had. So she makes reference at the beginning of the four-minute YouTube video to her puffy cheeks. Apparently she had some wisdom teeth removed or something.

And she does like a four-minute black and white YouTube confessional, apologizing for the first apology that did not go over well. Very smart to do a video because otherwise, who would believe that she had oral surgery? That's absurd. What if she just had cottonball stuck? It's possible. I want to see the receipts. Is it a real picture or it didn't happen situation?

All right. So the second video apology, on the one hand, I'm going to read just a quote from it. Seeing a video of yourself behaving poorly that you have no idea was taken as such a rude awakening that you don't know what to do. I was so disgusted with myself. I feel like I let you all down, which sucks. It was a straight-on apology. I give her credit for that. Four minutes, her alone.

On the other hand, like what on me? Like, really, is making a weird confessional video apology of, like, you in your room with bad lighting ever good idea? I think it depends on who you are. Like, there's, like, I could see it being funny with, like, I mean, it's hard, but it's hard to imagine that a celebrity for whom it would work would ever do it. Like, you would like it if Rees Weatherspoon did it because it would be, like, funny and somehow, like, hit the right note. It's true. But she wouldn't ever be in the situation to do it. It's true.

Though I would say we have a recent example of Reese Weatherspoon Apology Tour. which was after the drunk driving rest. And she didn't do a video cam. Which she, by her husband was driving. Was driving. Not Reese. We should be clear. But she went into apology for the leaked DMC video.

Yeah. She went on Good Morning America. She was like really forthright. It was just like I was crazy. I'm so sorry. Like big white eyes did it and then like disappeared for five months. The celebrities that could pull it off would just never do it. Exactly.

So in general, if you're thinking about it, you probably shouldn't. I think also on the one hand, this is how teens communicate. I don't know. We're too old to really be talking about this. But as far I respect, Ariana Grande's choice of medium. Four minutes, too long.

Way too long. Let's set some time limits. 90 seconds for any apology video. Get in, say you're sorry, get out. Yeah, it's got to be in and out. Keep a brief. Just one good line. You know, it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

One good line, blah, blah, blah. I'm really sorry. My cheeks are puffy. I wasn't lying about oral surgery. Goodbye. Yeah. In and out. It's really not that hard Ariana Grande.

Four minutes. I think another problem is that the people that she's surrounded herself with seem like they really suck. Like her friend, like she always, I feel like she has had some hangers on and they just seem like not worthy of her fame. She's really quite famous. She's very famous. It's kind of surprising. She can't really break out of like teenage famous. Yeah.

Although people loved her on Saturday Live, which is like interesting to me. Yeah. Like she reached a different audience. I mean, you know, she'd done them, I think, on Fallon before. Yeah, she did. She's clearly very talented at that. Yeah. I mean, she's definitely talented as a thing.

I think that's one of the reasons why she's so bratty is because she actually is very talented. And I'm sure she's like for a long time had people around her telling her such. Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like she's rebounded from this. I feel like the double apology has worked. It's been enough time. The impersonations really went very far. That's true. It really helped her.

Also, I think that introduced her to a new audience, so they probably weren't even paying attention to the donut gate. Yeah, not everyone knows about donut. Yeah, that's a really smart way to recover from one of these things, is to pivot into reaching to new people who, like, won't carry that baggage. It's kind of like going to a new school, be like, oh, everyone here hates me, so I need to just switch to the other district or whatever. Time to move, parents. I mean, I'm sure it wasn't calculated, though I know I was in my conspiracy quarter, but it is kind of an interesting, like, teen stars have a very hard time moving to, like, an adult audience. Oh, yeah. And your teen audience is always just, like, pastoring you,

and won't leave you alone and kind of boxing you in. So if you really piss off your teen audience, do the apology tour, then move on to the grownups. Like, suddenly you're repositioned. It's pretty clever. It is smart. She's, you know, maybe there's hope for her still.

Let's move on to another apology. Kristen Stewart, her cheating letter. Oh, my God. This is really famous. This is one of my favorites. It's really good. It was so public. So Chris and Stewart's the girl from Twilight

in case you have forgotten. If you're listening to this podcast, you don't know who that is. I'd be very surprised. Yeah. Also, if you're listening to this and you're a Kristen Stewart fan, like, please don't add us. Kristen Stewart fans are the most intense.

You will get at it. I'm not familiar with any of them. It's okay. I'm okay with it. This is a positive Kristen Stewart's base, people who love her. Anyway, Kristen Stewart in 2012. I can't believe it was that long ago. I know.

Feels like just yesterday. She was caught canoodling. There was photo evidence of her snuggling with, but there was no making out that you could see. No photo confirmation of any. thing beyond snuggling. Just want to be clear. It was implied, but... If my husband was snuggling with someone who wasn't me, I wouldn't be happy. And it were on the cover of Us Weekly, because it landed on the cover of Us Weekly. Yeah. She was snuggling with her married director. He, um, of Snowin and the

Huntsman. Side note, I forgot that she was in this movie entirely. Yeah. It's been entirely separate, the scandal has been entirely separated from the movie, but she was caught snuggling with her married director. And it was on the cover of Us Weekly. And it was just a total meltdown. Um, did Rupert Sandor get to come back for the second one for the one that's coming out this week. No. So they both got axed. Their front page drama was too much for the franchise. Exactly.

This franchise made a smart pivot. They brought an Emily Blunt. Kristen stored out, Emily Blunt in. Great idea. And also Jessica Chastade. Yeah, that's a power trio. Yeah. So she had been dating Robert Pattinson at the time, so they were both were cheating.

And what's interesting, and I had forgotten this until this morning, they, like, they were obviously in Twilight together. It had been rumored that they had been dating for a long. time. All the Twilight fans really wanted them to be dating. And you could kind of see Twyhards. Twyhearts. Right. And you could kind of see them getting more and more flirtatious. And we all knew off-screen they were dating, but they had not publicly acknowledged it. Like they had never publicly come out of it as a couple until after these photos leak, Kristen Stewart releases this statement. I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've

caused to those close to me and everyone this is affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most Rob. I love him. I love him. I'm so sorry. It's still, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable reading it. And this also, you have to imagine that Christopher Stewart Stewart was not super comfortable in the press. She was like really didn't, was not a super like emotive a person accepting the limelight. I love him. I love him. I'm so sorry. Good Lord. I never believed in their relationships. This didn't. This didn't. really didn't get me.

This came out also within like eight hours of the Us Weekly cover. I remember it visibly. Us Weekly comes out on a Wednesday. The photos leaked around 9 p.m. Tuesday night. By like 10 a.m. Wednesday morning, this was happening. I was just like, I don't know what's going on. So you were just really upset, in a corner crying? I wasn't in a corner crying.

I was just really bewildered. I was like, I cannot believe that they have these photos. I also can't believe that she released this statement. though I went so quickly from being like, Kristen, you're so hurtful to really feeling bad for her. This apology worked 100% on me. It does seem like it affected her career. It just seems like there actually has not been a lot of bright spots for her since this happened. I think part of it is just that she really ran away from the Twilight franchise so heavily.

I think she hated the exposure. Right. Didn't want any part of the press machinery that went with it. Right. And obviously also didn't want her indiscretions on the cover. of Us Weekly. This was pretty bad. It's very rare that Us Weekly just does like

long lens paparazzi photos of two people almost making out. It's hard for me to remember how popular Twilight was because it kind of passed me by. So like at this point I don't really like, oh right, that franchise. But it was like such a huge, huge deal and she was just like hounded for years.

Forever. And it was like her first real taste of... Yeah, I remember the Entertainment Weekly cover story before the first movie came out where they talked about how nervous they were about casting and she was like basically an unknown and they were hoping that like the because they're hoping the twihard base would buy into her and they did totally and yeah and since then she's really retreated she i have a soft spot for her

because of uh adventure land yeah i mean of course we all do and now she's been doing like good work in smaller movies and is apparently like very happy doing that stuff that's great new relationship she's dating a woman i believe yeah i can't remember the name she hasn't confirmed that yeah per the paparazzi pictures that i'm sure she detached she actually sort of she gave a really good interview where someone asked her about it. She was like, you've seen the photos, which like shout out to Chris and Sue were it on that one. Totally.

Totally. Yeah. It's interesting. Like, she probably signed up for that movie, like, having read the book and just had no idea, like, kind of like what the machinery behind it would be like because it was her first thing. That must be really overwhelming. It was also sort of, it was one of the first true like, Y, A, like the modern YA if

happened on. Yeah. Set it off, right? Yeah. We didn't really understand, like, how crazy these people would go. Yeah. What's Stephanie Meyer? to you now. She's just kicking it? I think she's, you know, trying to write spin-offs. I don't really know.

So she's on the JK Rowling plan. Yeah. In general, if you write a great franchise, like, I just feel like, I understand how it's, like, hard to, like, turn it off. You can't just, like, stop. But I wish JK Rowling, and I don't even like Harry Potter, I wish she would just stop. Like, let it be. I agree. I would say this. I really enjoy the JK Rowling novels that she's been, she's been doing mystery novels. Well, that makes sense. That's different. Those are great. So I don't want J.K. Raleigh to stop creating, but I would agree that the tweets are too much. Yeah. And like the

extra, like the, just the ancillary materials. Yeah. I think it kind of works more for like the worlds where the people who pick up the mantle are not like the original, like, it's not like George Lucas is writing the fan fiction of Star Wars, you know? It's sort of like that, like he created a universe, then it lives on its own, which I think is

cool. Yeah, I think it's just so craven from a I guess it's not Craven from J.K. Rowling. Everyone else, it's such a financial land grab. Oh, yeah. It's really interesting how, like, with this, this is a complete detour. In the Star Wars world, the

video games, like, go through, like, this very intense vetting process so that, like, it's not, like, just anyone can add to the canon, but, like, there's, like, strict guidelines of, like, what can and cannot pass through. And I think that's actually kind of cool. Like, if I was, like, a creator, I'd be like, oh, this is awesome. People have picked up my,

my, like, material and, like, pushed it further. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like it's interesting that has not happened with Harry Potter. Like everything is like more centralized through the J.K. Relling hub. She's a business woman. I know. She's keeping control of it. Riches woman in the UK.

Shout out to her. Seriously. Next apology. This is a classic. This is a classic. Some of you may remember that Conier West did a thing at the VMAs once. Wait, what? So the Kanye trailer event, 2009.

I mean, I feel like Kanye has been on an apology tour since. poor guy, and I'm over it, and I think we all should be too. But right after it happened, like the morning after, I think, he wrote a blog post. And by the way, this was when Kanye blogged, which was just like a great era in our lives in 2009, Kanye University. So Kanye did an all-caps blog. I will read part of it. I remember this fondly. I remember where I was. I'm so sorry to Taylor Swift and her fans and her mom. I spoke to her mother right after, and she said the same thing my mother would have said. She is very talented.

I like the lyrics about being a cheerleader and she's in the bleachers. I'm in the wrong for going on stage and taking away from her moment. Beyonce's video is the best of this decade, four exclamation points. I'm sorry to my fans if I let you guys down, for exclamation points.

I'm sorry to my friends at MTV. I will apologize to Taylor tomorrow. Welcome to the real world. Everyone to boo. Everyone want to boo me, but I'm a friend of real pop culture. No disrespect, but we watch in the show

at the crib right now because, I don't know. I'm so happy for Taylor. Boo-ya, you are very, very talented. I gave my awards to Outcast when they deserved it over me. That's what it is. I'm not crazy, y'all. I'm just real. Sorry for that. I really feel bad for Taylor and I'm sincerely sorry. Much respect. If this was not with this, like, all the punctuation, I would wonder if you just dictated this because it's like a stream of consciousness. It's like a perfect Kanye moment. Yeah, it also is just like, it makes me, it was so fun in 2009 and like seven years later, this is so familiar and I'm kind of like over all of it. But it was such like a pure, lovely moment. Another really familiar thing is when he says, I gave my awards to outcast and they deserved it over me.

That's like McElmore tried to do with Kendrick Lamar. So I guess there was precedent for that. I guess so. Except without the sanctimony. So, oh, man, Kanye. I think he's done apologizing. He'll never apologize again, right? I still think that he should have been done on this one.

This is a sincere apology. He apologized for like six months after that, and oh my God, it's just a stupid fake MTV Award. I know. Who cares? He won't really let it die. Where do you stand on whether or not Taylor Swift knew that she'd be mentioned in famous, his new song?

Oh, she definitely had a heads up. I think so, too, unless she denies it. Yeah, but... Because, like, if she didn't know, that's, like, obviously picking up their feud. But it seems to have come and gone. I guess they're just not interested in fighting with each other, which is great. I think that's a smart decision for all of them.

I'm over it. I still think this was a good apology. Yeah, I think so, too. I forgive you, Kanye. It's hard to, like, remember that a 2009 blog was a great way to connect with your audience. Yeah, it was great. I really, I do miss kind of 1.0 Connie a blogging. Sure.

Before it became a thing. Yeah, and, like, celebrity blogging in general. Totally. Now it's, like, a very overwrought industry, and we have Twitter for that. And it's just, like, e-commerceified. Yeah, totally. Now we just have screenshots of your notes app. All right. One more apology. Jeremy Piven and Mercury Poisoning Gate. This is a really good one. Probably my favorite from this list.

This is the best one, though this is an example. Here's the thing. He never technically apologized. That's why I think it's so great. I feel like this is an example of what not to do, but also what to do, because it's incredible. For the rest of his life, we will talk about Sushi Gate. Seriously. So he got mercury poisoning from sushi, which he claims then caused him to drop out of 2008, production of David Mamet's Speed the Plow. David Mamet doesn't seem that easy to work with. No.

This is from the New York Times. On Wednesday night, Mr. Piven's publicist, Samantha Mast, shout out to her, wrote in an email message that he was not feeling well and that his doctors have advised him that he should end his run immediately. She referred questions about Mr. Pippen's diagnosis to his physician and a diet book author who has worked with clients like Andre Agassie and the snowboarder, Chris Klug. Chris Klug, really? Not a bigger pull there?

not someone more famous to mention. That's some incredible New York Times on our writing. The producers were so mad that the case went to arbitration and it was found that Piven did not break his contract. Let's get back to this diet book author. If you're a dying book author, if you're this publicist, just dig a little deeper. Find someone else to co-sign this.

I'm sure there's someone available. You're in the city of New York after all. I mean, you know, I think the place publicist was definitely trying to, like, sell Jeremy Piven out. So they just pointed it to the doctor. and the doctor just talks at length about what's going on and like the types of fish and the elevated mercury levels just really it's all preposterous there was a great david mammoth line around the time he was asked to comment and he says my understanding is that he is leaving show

business to pursue a career as a thermometer which i really still enjoy so good a real a real wordsmith that david mammoth and then piven wade in the last thing i ever thought about doing was not completing run. I've never not completed anything in my life. They pulled me out of this thing, and that's the truth. You talk about the show must go on. This is in my DNA. To have the rap be on me that I walked out on this thing, this was the greatest moment of my life. Okay. No apology there. No apology. And he continues, like for a year and a half, if you just Google Jeremy Piven, Mercury Poisoning Apology, you will not find an apology, but you will find like two years worth of Jeremy Piven, like, sitting in front of cameras being like, it was so hard for me.

I was like, I was so sick. They said I was going to die, which like, I mean, maybe, am I being insensitive? Was he really in a lot of danger? I don't think so. He also wasn't like a pregnant woman, so. Do we believe mercury poisoning is a real thing? Do you know anyone who's ever had it? No, not besides German's within.

Me neither. I think about it every time we eat sushi now. Show me the science behind that, you know? I think about, I just like, I don't want to have mercury poisoning, and I also don't want to get sushi face. What's sushi face? The term that Julianne Moore coined to talk about like the face puffiness that you get the morning after you eat sushi because there's so much sodium involved. Interesting. Didn't know about that.

Just a thing to know about, yeah. Is there like photographic evidence of Julianne Moore having it? No, I think she's just like I don't eat any sushi before photo shoots because I don't want sushi face. It is very smart. I've been thinking about it a lot and then shoveling sushi in my mouth because sushi is great in California. It really is. But I do, I guess Jeremy Piven did provide some sort of public service and assets. announcement. And that I'm aware of my mercury levels now. So there you go. In a way that I wasn't before.

Both he and Amberher and Johnny Depp have offered some kind of public service related to animals. Now I think about the land and the sea and the animals and the pests. Just remember everyone. Australia is a wonderful island of a treasure trove of unique plant, animals, and people. Declare everything when you enter Australia. Thanks for listening to Jam session. And thanks to our sponsors. Remember, when you go to a black tie wedding or to prom or really anything, maybe you're just dressing up with friends for a fancy barbecue. Sounds fun to me. Think about the black tucks. If you ever had to rent a tuxedo or a suit for an event, you know how terrible it can be.

The black tucks has created a way to save guys from tuxedo rental hell with beautifully tailored modern suits and tuxedos offered for rent entirely online. If you need to rent a suit or a tuxedo for an upcoming wedding or special event, or seriously, consider that fancy barbecue. Don't do it the old-fashioned way. visit the blacktucks.com slash BSPN. Again, it's the blacktucks.com slash BSPN.