The Press Box - Khloe Kardashian for Bachelorette, Plus: Bill Simmons! | Tea Time (Ep. 577)

Episode Date: February 23, 2019

We go deep on the Khloe-Jordyn-Tristan cheating scandal (5:11). Miranda Lambert's new husband previously went viral for being a hot dancing cop (15:34). We preview the Oscars and make some predictions (22:11), and stay tuned until the end for Tea Time's inaugural guest, Bill Simmons (28:40)! Hosts: Liz Kelly, Kate Halliwell, and Amelia Wedemeyer Guest: Bill Simmons Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome to Tea Time. This is a weekly pop culture podcast on the Ringer Podcast Network. I'm Liz Kelly. I'm Pete Howlow. And I'm Amelia Weddemeier. And today we're going to talk about the latest in the Chloe Kardashian Jordan Wood saga. We're going to give you a brief Oscars preview. And then you'll need to stick around to the end because we have our very first tea time guest appearance.

I'm really nervous for that part. I'll be thinking about it. It's a good guest. Yeah. Every time you hear the bell, we have to change topics no matter what. And now let's spill the tea. Okay. First category, as usual, is Tea Time Checks In With.

First one is extremely important. They tried to put me down. They tried to make me not talk about this, but I will. Okay. Gwyneth Paltrow is countersuing that doctor who sued her last month for crashing into him on a Deer Valley ski resort. Amelia, don't lose it yet. I'm sorry. There's key information you need to discuss.

Okay, please share. Okay. She says she is the victim of this crash. Wow. To recap, just for those who are not paying as close attention as me, he's 70, he's suing Gwyneth for $3.1 million for recklessly crashing into him, leaving him with brain damage, and then skiing away. Okay. And screaming while she did it.

Yeah, screaming like King Kong. Okay. The update is she is seeking a jury trial and a symbolic $1 in damages, which A is not a good idea. No jury is going to side with Gwendoza. She should know how out of touch she is. And the general public is going to agree. She definitely does not, but continue. Right.

Okay. This is how good Gwanaith Paltrow's lawyers are. I really do feel bad for this guy. Her lawyers are claiming that he told his eye doctor a year ago that he was blind in his right eye and the vision in his left eye was decreasing. And further, they found out that he told his doctor he has 15 chronic medical issues

and, quote, he had gotten old all of the sudden. I don't know how her legal team found this out or coaxed this out of this guy's personal doctor. Yeah, isn't that illegal to get? Yes, but I'm sure they have a workaround for that. Wow. Yeah. So they're claiming that he was like too old and sick to be on a hill ski.

Yeah, he couldn't see. For the record, that was my take from day one. So I'm like, Loki on her side here. Yeah. Because how old was he? He's like 84. He's 72. 72.

No. You added 12 years. I shot with a number, you guys. Old is old. Yeah. Yeah, I loki kind of agree with that. If anything, this is just so impressed. Like this will, this is what Gwyneth Paltrow's money gets you when you are sued.

True. personal close information that he quoted, like he's being quoted from a doctor a year ago. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's all I have to say. I'm still keeping tabs on this. I'm reading for him, even though I think he was too old to be out there. Okay.

Okay. Miley Cyrus just did a Vanity Fair cover. She looks great. You know, she's kind of making her music comeback, but she had some, like, questionable quotes from this cover. First of all, she talked about how she's redefining what a relationship means by marrying Liam Hemsworth. And I understand where she's coming from. She was basically like, I'm a queer woman in a heterosexual relationship and, like, you know, I mean, there are a lot of women out there who are in that situation. But saying that you're redefining what a relationship means by literally just like marrying a man.

LGBTQ icon, Miley Cyrus. She did it in a way that was like, please congratulate me for how brave I am. Exactly. We're like, okay, you married Liam Hemsworth, like, you know, get an additional work. And then she also talked about her plans to go back to the hip-hop genre, which was exaggerated on social media because people were like, it's like my life. Riley Cyrus going quote back to black or something. She never said that. She never said that.

She just, you know, Miley, don't go back to hip hop. Just don't do it. Just take the country. But the country did not work for her. Excuse me? Okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I think that one Malibu song or whatever was very nice. But it didn't like work in terms of people weren't like, oh my God, selling out everything. That's true. It didn't make a ton of money. So, and I think the bangers. era did make a ton of money. It did. Yes, monetarily, yes, sure. But have you heard her backyard sessions on YouTube? That's exactly what I was going to say. It was beautiful three minutes on the fucking internet. She was great at the Grammys. She was doing mostly like country stuff.

She sang with Sean Nendes too. She was great. I just, you know, go. I mean, I like her. I've seen her do Jolene. Yeah, it's great. It's really good. It's so good. Indeed. So anyway, stitch to that, Miley. And, you know, money is isn't everything. Right. Sure. All right. Last one are checking in with? We are checking in with apologies in advance. Ariana Grande. I'm sorry, you guys. We're back in her bullshit. I'm really sorry. But she, big news, she reconciled with Pierce Morgan

on Twitter. They got drinks, apparently. People are calling out for it because he's a horrible psychopath, like, who wants attention so bad. And, yeah, I mean, there's not anything to, yeah. Why, Ariana, there's just nothing to gain here. You can hang out with, like, literally anyone else. Literally anyone else. So do that.

Yeah, hard pass. You don't need peers. He needs you. All right. Next category. This is like we're furthering our investigative research. I feel like we're really putting on our detective hats these days. This is Tea Time Investigates the Chloe, Tristan, Jordan, Kylie saga. So Jam session has covered this extensively this week on their episode.

We are going to update because new things come out basically every 20 minutes. I feel like I'm drowning in information about this situation. All right. The updates are last night she went to her launching. entrepreneur eyelash company. Company or like collection. Colab. Yeah.

It was at EPLP. The only thing I have to say is that 150 people were expected, 20 people showed out. Are you serious? Yeah. That's tough. Yeah. Shocking because you would think everyone wants a up close look at how she's doing, how she's acting, like taking that iPhone footage. Right.

What is she going to say? Right. Right. And she did address it. She goes, thank you guys for coming out and supporting me through everything that's going on. It's been real. And I-LUR has been super real with a project I've been working on for over nine months right now. Nice pivot.

Nice pivot. I don't know. I guess the only way she can describe the situation is super real, which if someone can explain that to me, feel free. That feels vague and also kind of a cop-out. Also, it's very reminiscent of when Kylie was like, this is going to be the year of realizing things. Was she saying that for 2018? Because 2019 is she's also realizing things. Well, yeah.

Apparently. Yeah. All right. Do you guys have any crazy theories? Like, what are we thinking? Like, why? Just why? Real quick, I want to tap out and tap in Kaya.

Hello. He cares a lot more about this than I do. I've just been like sort of taking in this conversation. Liz and Amelia and Kaya have been basically talking about this all week. Liz said something like, I fear that no new story will ever fuel me this way again. I am scared, yeah. Yeah. So I'm just going to tap out and let them like just show that crazy conspiracy theories.

Okay, Kaya, welcome into this discussion. Do you have any crazy theories about what the hell is going on here? First of all, Kate, you've been a great sport this week. Thank you. She's been dropping leg in the ride. I'm just going to go like full on galaxy brain about like why this happened. Put on the tinfoil hat. As our esteemed colleagues pointed out earlier this week, Amanda and Juliet, obviously the Kardashians were behind.

To some extent, this TMZ like news drop. You know, they're in with TMZ. They have a relationship with them. They probably controlled how this news got out. Sure. I think that Tristan was already on the outs. Like I think that Chloe was like, I'm done with you. I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

I don't want you to be associated with me anymore. You're bad at basketball, I think. Yeah, I know. We none of us know for sure, but that's what we've been told. You can listen to the ring our NBA show. And I think maybe they want Jordan to get more attention. And so maybe this is all them working together. they're going to let Jordan back into the family.

It's going to be a huge episode on keeping up with the Kardashians. Trishon will be out. Jordan's profile will be raised and everybody will be happy. And it'll be all more ratings. Honestly, I kind of buy into that. Like, Chris Jenner is too, like, too demonic of a person to let this just happen, like, on its own volition. My favorite quote of all time is, the devil works hard, but Chris Jenner works harder. It's true, though.

It's true. Chris Jenner, my kind of like semi-theory, I completely agree with you. I think Chris Jenner is paying Jordan to like take 18 months off. She like, it was this big move. She moved back into her mom's house because she was living with Kylie. She will fund her lifestyle so that she still lives in the way that she's used to because she's best friends with Kylie. And then this is an actual out for Tristan. I feel like Chloe actually is not out on Tristan, but Chris was like, this is the only way and the only person that will get her to fully cut him out when it's like so

close to home. None of the sisters were going to hook up with them. So they're like, next best thing is like next of kin, which is Jordan. So do you think that Chris engineered this behind Chloe's back? Yes, I do. Oh, wow. I know.

I know. I'm workshopping. But why not just have like a stranger do it? Because it doesn't matter. He already hooked up with a stranger and Chloe he got into the fold. This is the nail in the coffin for him. Yes, exactly. This was the only way she was going to kick Tristan to the curb for good.

Yes. And also, I think she could be doing this to add on to the theory with Ryan Seacrest because he produces all these shows on E. And E released this video. They have like a Hollywood medium TV show. And it was Chloe and Kylie. And they went on this show like a year or a year and a half ago to talk about their futures. And he like warned them.

And he was saying, oh, there's going to be trouble between you guys. sisters and like Chloe I don't see this relationship working out for you and and so they've re-uped that clip on YouTube and it's just it just seems like everything is falling into place yeah you know so is Tyler with the medium in on this as well I think so this is huge this has been years in the making people it goes all the way to the top it does it really does it really does we need answers Ryan Ccris call us in wow okay what a journey moving on to our next category it's this week And social media. Amelia, how about you go first? Okay, well, it's kind of the same thing.

I'm sorry. But Mike Fleiss, who is the creator of the Bachelor franchise, he was tweeting about how he's going to get Chloe as the next bachelorette. And he was like, I'm close, personal friends with Chris Jenner. Pretty much saying this is in the works. But he's lied before. He seems like a nice guy. But he's like the ultimate Bachelor hype man. Because he teased Peter Krauss from Rachel's season being on Bachelor Winter Games, and he was not on Bachelor.

It feels like a personal vendetta you have against? A little bit. It is. Yeah. Okay. But fingers crossed, would you want her to be a Bachelor? Why not? Yeah, be fun.

Completely agreed. I think either way she's going to find some dude who's like already in the spotlight, which all of these guys want to be. Either way, she's going to find kind of a schmuck to go next. So I feel like you might as well choose from a group of like 26 men. Exactly. Yeah. Interesting.

Okay. Next in social media, Kate. Next in social media, Rihanna's birthday was this week and the big trend was doing your Rihanna birthday look where you googled what Rihanna was wearing

on your birthday and it was like your own horoscope because literally no matter what she wears, everyone's like, hell yes. Agreed. I was so happy.

What was your outfit? Pay me a picture. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. She's got a dark red lip matching colored stiletto heels and she is in a full-length dark denim jumpsuit, like tight-fitted

like denim jumpsuit and a tight pony. She looks amazing. I'm very happy. I'm born on August 30. She literally always looks amazing and like everyone was thrilled with their look. Yeah. Do you know what yours was Amelia?

Yeah, yeah. It was, she was wearing all white and it was like casual, like, I think it was sweat, but like classy sweats. Oh, you know, I saw you tweeted it. Yeah. Yeah. And she was wearing, she had like the Dior saddle bag. Nice.

I was just like, fuck, yes. This is perfect. Amazing. Amazing. And yours came? And my sister and I couldn't find ours. And then we just looked against day and we found them. So it was just meant to be.

She's wearing a floor-length, like, silk, bright yellow dress with the neckline literally showing her belly button. That's incredible. It's amazing. And then the other one, she was shooting Oceans 8 on my birthday, which also felt very right. Very right. She's wearing, like, a huge parka with, like, dreads. Because I contain multitudes. Yeah, there again.

And so does Regina. So that was a fun social media trying. I don't buy my horoscope, but I buy my Rihanna birthday. There you go. I understand. The other thing that was going on on Twitter this week was a woman named Catherine Bright Bell posed this question on Twitter. Everyone took it and ran. It was, what is the most on-brand story from your childhood? This was really, really fun. Everyone, it gave people a chance to, like, really look inwards and see who they're characterized as. Do you guys have stories?

I do. I mean, did you text our families? I mean, did you text yours or did you just think about it? I just thought about it. I feel like you've been extremely on brand your entire life and you probably have like a good amount. I do have a good amount. Yeah. Okay, you go first. What's your story? Well, mine was, okay, so I went for a run on the Gulf Coast in Alabama back in high school. We were like touring colleges and I got lost because everything looks the same. And like hours, hours went by until I finally found like a random restaurant and I walked into and I called my dad and he was so pissed. He was like, we're coming one second. And it turns out that they had called the Alabama State Police and they were out looking for a body.

Oh my God. Yep. And like my sister was like, she just got lost. But my mom just went crazy and was like, no, no, she was murdered and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, yeah. True Detective Season 4. Yes. And so I apologized to the Alabama State Police for using your resources.

Oh, my God. That is not at all what I thought you were going to say. Loki got lost. I just, yeah, you know, just like, oops. Wow. Oh, I've got a loss for words. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Do you know, Amelia is always like running frantically around the lot. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. That actually is on brand for you. It is. I had a couple different ones to choose from.

But since Amelia used a high school one, I'm going to use a high school one too. Damn it. Okay. In choir one day we were watching Vita, which is a musical with Madonna. And these girls next to me were like, oh, that's like, I don't know who that woman is. I was like, it's definitely not Madonna. Madonna wouldn't be in a musical like this way. And I literally got in a fight with like the girls next to me sitting in choir watching this movie.

I would be those girls who were fighting this movie. I was like, that's fucking Madonna. How do you not know that's Madonna? And I ended up going up to the teacher and me like, will you tell them that that's Madonna? You would. Oh my God. That's so funny.

That's my on brand. That's extremely on brand. I know. I just thought that I just needed them to know. Everyone knows it's Madonna. Mine is super low stakes. It has nothing to do with any state police at all. It was in the first grade and I was on the monkey bars and a kid named Mason pulled me down by the legs and ripped me off the monkey bars.

And then I punched him in the face. Yay! It was the only time I've ever gotten in trouble with authority. And it really began a lifelong love-hate relationship with men. And that's my brand. That was great. Okay, next category. This is Tea Times biggest relationship news ever.

Okay, Amelia. Oh, I'm so excited for this. Apologies in advance to Jason Gallagher because, I mean, not that I get into fights with people at work or anything, but like we got into a little, a little Tiff. Okay, so anyway, he really loves Miranda Lambert. He loves Miranda. God knows why. But, so Miranda, as you know, she was married to Blake. Shelton.

I'm so sorry. Anyway, she got married back in January to some 27-year-old cop named Brendan McLaughlin who he was engaged like less than a year ago and when he was engaged he got another woman pregnant

and he just had the baby and now he just married Miranda after meeting her for what? After what, three months? So he's juggling three women right now. He's juggling three women. He apparently went viral back 2015 for being a hot cop even though he is not hot.

He's kind of hot. No, it's not. Okay. I'm sorry. And I just, she's gross. She has a type. It's called taken and I'm not okay with it. Incredible.

And I just want to make it clear that it's not like I'm okay with these trash men either. Right. It's all trash. I'm not here for it. Like, gross. Yeah. Okay. Got it.

Part of, I just want to, as someone who witnessed Amelia and Jason, yelling back and forth at each other and slamming doors. The problem is that Jason loves Miranda Lambert because of this. He's like she's living the country lifestyle. She's actually a hick. She's singing about being a hick. And Amelia's like, yeah, that's why I don't like her. So it's not a question of whether Miranda Lambert lives this kind of life and has these values.

She clearly does. It's just a question of whether you respect that about her or not. Right. Right. So. Okay. Another type of trash, which has big relationship news, is that Lil Zan is engaged and expecting a baby with his fiancee named Annie Smith. and I took it upon myself to do some research.

Thank you so much. I commit to this podcast and I've got some news. We appreciate it. Turns out she's somewhat religious. She's posting things on her Instagram like, I thank him every day for, you know, choosing, capital age, for choosing, capital age for choosing, you know, you to be by my side. This is Lil' Zan.

God shows Lil Zan to be by her side. This is Lil Zan's fiance saying this about Lil Zan. Right. Even more horrifying. Interesting. They want to get married ASAP, according to her, like a small little ceremony and then a big party afterwards, like, you know, they're 30-year-old Wall Street people like that. Like, I don't know why they think like that. Anyway, they're already engaged. She's, I can't tell what she does exactly.

I did a lot of research. She's young. She's, like, in her very early 20s with him. But, yeah, couldn't find out if she has a job or if she just sits around, not sure. The other update here is that poor Noah Cyrus, his ex, Lil Zan's ex, posted an Instagram story like hours later after this news was released, like visibly crying. Like, her fake eyelashes were everywhere. Her fake nose was like super red. Her fake lips were like super chat. Right.

So she's very upset about this, but according to sources, you know, she'll be fine. And I believe in you know, Asiris, you'll get past this. Well, yeah, and she also posted something on Instagram. She's like, I will be happy. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And you will. You will.

Because it's little Zan. Right. Okay. Okay. Next topic. And actually attractive men news. This is T-Times Thirst Watch. Honestly, you could argue that every category we do is

Thirstwatch. True. Yeah. Hulk Hogan biopic, which my only take is like, I don't want to see a movie where Chris Hemsworth doesn't look hot. I was going to say, to be clear, I'm not thirsty for Hulk Hogan. In any way. In fact, I'm the opposite.

I'm disgusted by Hulk Hogan. I'm not ready for the dialogue of like when the first pictures come out of Chris Hemsworth with like his hairline like in the back. In the mustache. I know people being like, would he could still get it? You know what? Am I even? This isn't even thirst for me.

I'm repulsed by this idea. Yeah. I'm worried that I will be attracted to him as Hulkogen. Okay, no. I don't think so. I don't think I will. But the possibility is there and I'm just not ready for it. I believe in you and I don't think you.

Let's hold up. Which is worse? Me being attracted to Dick Cheney. In the Vice movie and to be clear, it's what's his name? Christian Bell. Christian Bell is in Vice is going to be worse than Chris Hemp's over. We have to see. We have to wait and see.

I guarantee it. This is extremely suspect. Can we move on to the next. Next, Thurs Watch. Okay, next time on Thurstanceo, and Sean Mendez for Calvin Klein. They just came out with a new campaign. Kendall Jenner and Aesap Rocky were also in it. A good move for Noah Centeno.

Yes. He just, he should have done this earlier in his career, just, like, kept his shirt off and, like, been. And kept his math shut. Exactly. But also, my, he, it's tough competition with Sean Mendoz here, I think. He looks fantastic. Sean Mendes looks incredible in this campaign. Amelia is the look Amelia is giving me.

Because I hate Sean Mendes. Why? Because he's disgusting and I don't know. No, you have to give me one actual reason. One actual reason why he disliked Sean Maddena. I don't, I just like his face annoys me. Oh my God. He's objectively very handsome. Oh, no, he's not. I will say I really do like that stitches on. Okay, well, I'll accept that. Sure. I personally think Sean Madas looks great. No, San Antonio looks like he's been sleeping on a couch for like four months. That's his look, though. It is his look, but it's tough in comparison, I think. But it was a good move for both of them. You know, keep your shirt off. It's fine.

Yeah, we're ending on a very classy thirst watch. I feel uncomfortable talking about a former president in this way. But the entire... You just talked about Dick Cheney. Listen, I'm not attracted to Dick Cheney. Put that in quotes. I'm attracted to Christian Bale. Okay, we're moving on.

My blood pressure is rising. Okay. This is the last thirst watch. This is about Barack Obama. He sat courtside at the Duke UNC game this week in a really nice all-black outfit. But the thing that took the internet by storm was this like bomber jacket. It's Rag and Bone and it was embroidered on the left with a 44 on it.

Incredible. He just looked fantastic. It like created a ton of really entertaining hashtags. My favorite one was hashtag Barack Obama. But there's also hashtag Obama and hashtag Obamber. I'm not sure about that one. He looks amazing. And I don't feel bad about saying that.

No, I agree. Yeah. He does look great. I personally had never really approached him from the same. this angle before. Agreed. Once other people presented it, I was like, I will allow it.

Yeah, and for the two and a half listeners who care about sports, UNC won that game. So congrats to them. And that guy blew out his... It was a foot. No, we're not going to do this. Okay, I'm so sorry. It was a shoe.

Listen to One Shiny podcast. Okay. Our next topic is Oscar predictions slash our preview. Amelia, you go first. I think Whoopi is going to host. Please expand. Okay.

So, obviously, we all know about the hosting, Who's going to host? They're saying, you know, we're not going to go with the host. I just, I feel like all signs are pointing to Whoopi because she's been out of commission on the view for the last, like, two weeks. She's also hosted the Oscars like several times. So she's vetted. I think a lot of people really like her.

I really like her. And also, I guess she hosted back in 1999. So it would be like 20 years later, there's like that kind of thing going on to. Nice. So, I don't know. They denied it on the view. but it was very much like, oh, yeah. She's a crowd pleaser, yeah.

She is, yeah, and like, why not? And everybody's bad now, so I feel like she's like one of the only good ones. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, okay, I can see that. All right, Kate. I'd be into it. I wanted to talk about some of the best power couples at the awesome. I just love a, I love a celebrity power couple.

Taylor Swift's probably going to be at the Oscars. She went to the BAFTAs, which I'm like, if you're traveling to the UK for the BAFTAs on the same day as the Grammys to support, like your blonde loaf of a boyfriend, like, you're going to come to the Oscar. She's done the whole thing. She'll show up. Rachel Wise and Daniel Craig are like an under, I feel like have been an underrated power couple. Totally.

He hasn't really walked the red carpet with her, which I feel like is why. But he's like been in a lot of the events. And he's, I believe, presenting. Would love to see them present together, but that probably wouldn't happen. But they're just an elite power couple that we don't talk about. They're great. Yeah. Yeah.

And we also, I'm wondering who Bradley Cooper will bring. Amelia. Better not be arena. Do you think it will be though? Probably. Yeah. Unfortunately, yes. I do.

I'm so ready to not talk about this anyway. I can't wait until next week. Actually, we'll have to talk about it next week, because we'll have to do a wrap-up. But the week after you'll be free. Okay. No more. We got to get it in while it counts.

I would love, because, you know, Gaga, she's not with Christian or whatever anymore. What if they came to? Oh, my God. I can't even, I don't even. There wouldn't be a point, though, because it wouldn't, they are not campaigning for anything anymore. Okay, yeah, well, whatever.

It's for me and everyone else. Okay, I'll keep my fingers crossed just for you. Thank you. There are also some other, just random presenters that I'm excited about. Serena Williams is going. Diego Luna, random, but love. him. And then Crazy Rich Asians, cast, and the Black Panther cast just always look amazing. Yes. And I'm really excited to see them.

Mm-hmm. I did some research. I was trying, because the award ceremony itself, I'm leaving to the experts of Sean Fennessee and Amanda Dobbins. Yes. People who work here on the staff. So I was looking into, like, what was going to happen on the red carpet and what people are going to look like. Oh, yeah. Bog India apparently is saying that the big dresses this year will be feather trims, paintbox brights, whatever the what that means. Okay. Delicate shears.

So I'm going to say, yeah. I hope to see that. Wait, delicate what? Delicate. Shears? Yeah. Oh, shears. Okay.

Yeah. So that's my input. I hope to see some delicate shears up on the red carpet. And then you said Melissa McCarthy is going to like. Oh, she always looks great. Yeah. That was my one small note. Yeah.

I know she's going to look great. I keep forgetting that she's nominated. I know. I know. So quiet. Yeah. That's, I'm very excited. Okay.

All right. This is my favorite topic every week. This is not worth the tea. We're going to run through these. going to start weird, and then it's going to come back around and be normal again. So we're going to get the weird stuff out of the way first. Kate, go first. First off, Liz made me say this. Soldier Boy and Black China broke up already.

Yep. I was going to explain why, and then I remember that my parents listened to this podcast, and so I cannot in good faith quote what Soldier Boy said about Black China. If you want to know, look it up. He tweeted something about why he dated her in the first place. Yep. I was rather scandalized. You passed.

That's fine. I have to say. But, you know, great. Okay, sure. Anyway, moving on. I thought he could do better. I haven't read the tweet yet, so. Oh, don't.

Just don't. Okay, well, then never mind. Okay, next, not worth the tea. Go. Okay. Uh-oh. I guess Tamara Maui, she drank her sister Tia's breast milk. Um, and she said it was the best she's ever tried in her life.

I saw a tweet that was like huge burn to her mom. Oh, I guess. I refuse to. Okay. That's disgusting. That's not worth the tea. That truly is not. You got to keep that to yourself.

There's been a couple other celebs who've done this. Like, Jennifer Aniston's tried it. Kim puts it on her face for her psoriasism. What doesn't Kim put on her face? That's true. You know? Yikes. Yeah, that's true.

And it was because she was sick and has like, you know, intense healing powers. Regardless. We tasted Courtney's breast milk in an episode. Yeah, I know. Anyway, that's definitely not worth the team moving on. It's just something more normal. Something slightly more normal. The Jonas Brothers are apparently going to reunite, but under the name Jonas, which I

don't approve of. Just be the Jonas Brothers. Everyone's going to call you the Jonas Brothers. Exactly. Yeah. But I'm kind of excited about this. You, I know Liz said, weren't really a Jonas Brothers fan, right? No.

I was, like, kind of into them. Amelia, were you? No, but my friends forced me to, like, make t-shirts with them. And one time, uh, they got, they got to choose, like, the cute guys. Uh-huh. So it was, like, one was Joe bro, Joe. The other was fro-brough, because, like, Nick had a... Curly hair, classic.

Yeah, at the time. And then I was Kevin. I got some of Kevin. That's so rough. And he's crow-brough. Because he looks like a crow. So... I also, we, my favorite Halloween costume ever, even though we weren't really a

fans, my brother and sister and I went as the Jonas Brothers from Halloween in eighth grade. It's my all-time best Halloween costume. But I also was stuck with Kevin. And I had to like draw on sideburns and like carry an inflatable guitar. And so unfair. No one knew which one I was. I suddenly care about the Jonas Brothers now knowing that one of them is a crowbro. Okay. Yeah. Next not worth the tea is people, you gotta leave Malia Obama alone. Please leave her alone. She's 20 years old. She's on vacation. There's a story I'm not even going to give it any time of day. Leave her alone. Whispering Angel is also a fantastic. a grose. So leave her alone. Okay, next one. Okay, so a couple weeks ago on the pod, we talked about

this Jake Jollenhall clip from Sundance where he was sitting with Dan Gilroy and Dan Gilroy said melancholy and he was like, it's melancholy. Yeah. And anyway, everyone knows it. Turns out that they were like doing a bit and they said in an interview like right after it happened that it was a bit and nobody paid attention to that. And they were doing a bit from Megamind where he's like, oh, feel so melancholy. And like they had just been talking about that. And then they just did the joke. I'm iconic movie Megamind, yes.

I'm so disappointed in this. I'm disappointed too. And I couldn't. Now we can't. I was like, oh, first, they lied to us. Yeah. And they just like turned into a thing. And then it turns out on February 1st, they did an interview talking about how it was a bit.

And just nobody saw it. Yeah. And I feel betrayed. Yeah. It's unfortunate. No. Okay. And for our very last segment of this episode, I'm nervous.

I can feel myself getting nervous. I feel his presence. It's the man. The Myth, my boss, Bill Simmons. Welcome to Tea Time. Thank you, Lee, Kelly. Nice to be here. I have some parenting stuff to go over.

Okay, let's do it. We're experts. You were all 13 and a half-year-old girls at some point. We were. Indeed. Yeah. All three of you? Not so long ago.

Okay, good. So my daughter, this whole Instagram culture that's going on, the profile picture is very important. Yeah. I know if you've noticed that. It starts around sixth grade. start the selfie becomes the profile picture. Oh, no.

And then like a little tail on to sixth grade, all of a sudden it's like the trying to be sexy. Oh, no. Selfie starts. Not with my daughter. Oh, good for her. But just with some other kids. And then she's noticing.

So I'm like, I'm in good hands because she's noticing that's not appropriate. Seventh grade comes, it dials up a notch. Eighth grade comes. Now there's like things getting pushed up. Oh, my God. I didn't need you to do that. Should shoulders squeeze together to make things possibly happen. And things that you're like, you're 13.

Don't do that. We're your parents, right? I'm like, thank God I don't have to worry about that with my daughter. That's great. Well. Oh, no. Oh, no. So I'm in Charlotte.

Are you on the podcast to shame, Zoe, right now? No, it's not a shame. It's not a shame. I just want to know if I handle this correctly. Okay. So I'm in Charlotte and I'm sick. I don't go to the all-star parties that night because I have like some rare form.

of bronchitis or something's going on. I'm just in my room watching Sopranos episodes. And I check Instagram and I notice my daughter's new profile pick, which I made her take down in a minute. Oh my God. My question is, is this an overreaction or not? I'm going to show you the profile pick.

Yeah. She agreed. She immediately took it down. I think, you know, things are going on in the internet. She's just trying to figure out where she fits in in that whole universe. You've got to see it. You know, in comedy, you push the line with a joke. Maybe you realize, oh, maybe it's,

I shouldn't have gone that far with that joke. Same thing with Instagram profiles. I'm going to show you. And you can tell me. Just want to say that I support Zoe in all our decisions. Oh. Oh, Bill. That's totally fine.

So that's what my wife said. Yeah. My wife said you overreacted. You did overreact. Yeah. Yeah. You guys. That's not bad.

I just, okay, this is best case in there. Extreme overreaction. Really? Yeah. I would say light overreaction. I agree. I think light overreaction. Yeah.

Would you rather have me be overprotective or underprotective as a dead? Over protective. Over protective. Yeah. Okay. So you see my side of things, but I might have been, she might have crossed the line a little bit, but I cross the line more. Okay, but can I ask, okay, so let's say Ben's 13. All of a sudden.

I've given up, I can't. All of a sudden. He changes his profile picture to like shirtless phone in front of his thing. I think that's already happened. I think that happened. The ultimate thirst trap selfie. Wow. You like, yes, go for it?

I can't save him. Okay, so you give it a hand. It's like the thing more like if your coach yells at you, it's because they care. Like you're like still monitoring Zoe because you have a chance of. Zoe have a chance. Ben is like, you know how Colton Zoe is shirtless in The Bachelor? And it's like, what's your deal, dude? That's been Ben since he's like two years old.

Does Zoe say like, dad, you should see what the other kids are doing because that was always my thing. There are terrible kids out there doing and showing a lot more than what Zoe's always doing. Not only does she say that, we have the kind of relationship where she pulls me over and says, Dad, you got to see this one. Yeah, that's what I did. This is like, really, what is she doing? Yeah. It's a lot of, like, what is she doing would be a really good two-time segment.

Right. What is she? Yeah, we ask that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, it's just people pushing the envelope. But I also feel like this might be just how people kind of interact now. Yeah. Yeah.

But this is like your way of flirting with some guy who you don't know if she's, if he's going to ever text you or whatever. so you throw the new profile pick out. So I get it. I try to see the landscape. Is this her Instagram profile picture? Because that is so small. I was just going to say it's so tiny. You can't even.

You're like, what? Honestly, I, and obviously I'm just out of the, like, the conversation here with the kids. But like, I never put any work into my Instagram profile picture. It's so small. You can't see it blown up. Yeah. Like, I'll find what it is now. Keep talking about.

I guess. No, I agree. But I think it would be 10,000 times worse if it was like an Instagram on its own. But that little tiny. Right. Nobody can do anything like that. You can't see anything really. Right.

Yeah. Would you have been more or less concerned if it was like a post? Like if she had posted that on Instagram. Oh, post. I would have. Yeah, because then the guys can come out and start to fire your emojis. Right. And you're like, I'm bald.

Inappropriate. That's way worse, right? Yeah, that's weird. Way worse. So we. I can't even see what that is. Yeah. Sorry.

You can kind of see. It's so small. Yeah. Bill. I think I went over the top. Take a lab. Take a lab. Take a break, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we come on tea time to take your own. So she can come on next day and do her side. Well, we want to start watching Siesta Key now. Oh, yeah, because she recommended it. Yeah. We support everything about Zoe. Everything she's doing.

So you watch Siesta Key and then you realize there's something wrong with Colton the Bachelor because his flirting slash kind of making a move game, which is not existent. But then even on CST Key, like the guys are just in heat the whole time. They're sizing of any interaction. It could be like their girlfriend's 10 feet away. And they're like, hey, come on over. And they're just flirting. And then you see Colton for two hours in a house with 25 women.

And he's just saying like, this is amazing. Isn't this great? Yeah. You're going to try to kiss anybody what's going on with you. We're going to try CST Key with Zoe. Every time he sees us. And we're going to have to like rock-taper scissors for who has to watch it. Can I give you the brief synopsis?

Yes. Please. Alex, the leader of C.S. Key, who has a very rich family who has the biggest parties every year in his house is on the key. And supposedly his parents fund the show. Wow. It's almost like bought time.

He's dated everyone in Siesta Key. Of course. Basically, every other scene is them and a party and his girlfriend, Juliet, getting jealous because one of his ex-girlfriends is there. And then there's this other girl who's friends with him who just causes trouble. She's like a Melrose Place villain. and she just every she's like

I don't know why he and then all of a sudden everybody's fighting and she's just walking around gasoline and matches just starting to get it going it's really good there's also two people on the show

who think they're musicians and they're terrible oh no it's like oh it's Polly's big concert tonight and Pauli's really excited and then it's like awful so you're all cut up aren't there sports on like all the time

like how long do you have the time of day this is the only show I watch with her okay she demands it. Okay. Because she's watching, like, she watched 80 episodes of The New Girl. Oh, great chance. She watched that.

She watches all that. I don't watch any of that stuff, but this is the one. This is the one you chose. This is the one she chose it with me. Okay. She was just like, watch this one with me. Wait, has she seen Laguna Beach? Oh, yeah.

We bang that out. Okay. So is it similar to Laguna Beach? Yes. Okay. It's Laguna Beach if the people were. From Florida? Worse.

Okay. And from Florida. Sure. It's really bad. Okay. It's really, really awful. My kind of show. We'll watch and report back.

There's also like, you know, Laguna Beach didn't have where you might have two girls who are friends who might decide they like each other. Like this is a whole new MTV is really pushing the envelope

these days where it's like anybody could be fair game with anybody. Wow. Great. That was a good pitch. Thanks.

We'll watch. Yeah, you did it. We're sold. The keys. Okay. This has been tea time. This is our last category. Thank you, Bill.

Very much for coming on. It's a pleasure. I'm Liz Kelly. I'm Kate Owl. And I'm Amelia Weddemeier.