The Prof G Pod with Scott Galloway - No Mercy / No Malice: Grief and Love

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

As read by George Hahn. https://www.profgalloway.com/grief-and-love/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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NMLS 1617539. I'm Scott Galloway, and this is No Mercy, No Malice. Grief is the receipt for love. Grief and love, as read by George Hahn. Since the recovery of six hostages' bodies in Gaza, I've been pondering grief. As others have said, grief is the price we pay for love, a testament to the depth of our connection. It isn't just about losing a loved one. It's about losing what they represented to our family, community, and nation.

We share 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees, including our capacity to grieve. Scientists have observed mourning in various species, cats, dogs, dolphins, and primates. Natalia, a chimp in a Spanish zoo, carried the body of her deceased infant for months. That's grief, raw and undeniable. Anthropologists argue that the anticipation of grief is key to attachment. Our fear of losing a child drives us to ensure their well-being. We cooperate and treat each other well to avoid the pain of loss. Paradoxically, mourning also brings us together and fosters community.

On a larger scale, many wars end when the collective grief becomes unbearable, highlighting grief's power to both divide and unite. This capacity for mourning is deeply personal. When our vishla Zoe passed, our other dog, Gangster, retreated to his crate for days. More disturbingly, our youngest son began making his bed and following every parental instruction. A clear sign of distress. Burial rituals predate civilization and aren't limited to Homo sapiens. In Spain, researchers found a 430,000-year-old Neanderthal burial site. The earliest known human burial, roughly 100,000 years old,

was discovered in Kavza, Israel, where archaeologists unearthed 15 skeletons, seven adults and eight children. A 12-year-old boy lay in a rectangular grave, arms folded, with deer horns placed on his chest. The care taken speaks volumes about the love felt for this child. From Mesopotamia to Rome, Egypt to China, burial rites have been integral to preserving human dignity and fostering community. Even today, actor Nicolas Cage has constructed a pyramid mausoleum in New Orleans.

His iconic performance in Leaving Las Vegas perhaps granting him some eccentric latitude? Our empirical understanding of grief comes largely from George Bonanno, a clinical psychologist who challenged the traditional Kubler-Ross model. Instead of five stages that are understood to be universal, Bonanno identified four distinct trajectories. Resilience, recovery, chronic dysfunction, and delayed grief or trauma. Resilience, by far the most common, is a trait Bonanno argues we're hardwired for.

It's messy, hence his phrase, coping ugly. Mo Gaudet, former chief business officer at Google's X Development, shared his process for grieving his son's death. 1. Grieve fully, allowing all emotions 2. Research and accept the finality of death Committed acceptance 3. Take a leap of faith, believing in something beyond the physical Moe's approach, while idiosyncratic, reflects the universal human

experience of seeking meaning beyond death. Moe explained, quote, acceptance means understanding that this is your new baseline. I will never receive another hug from my son. I will not hear Unquote. The ongoing conflict in the Middle East has caused immense grief on both sides. Israel's trauma on October 7 likely had a wider and deeper impact than 9-11 did in the U.S., given the relative size of the populations. The recent recovery of six hostages' bodies from Gaza's tunnels sparked the first general strike in Israel since the war began. Tens of thousands are demanding a ceasefire and the return of remaining hostages. This outpouring of grief might be a turning point, illustrating how grief can both drive us to war and compel us to seek peace. Note, I'm skeptical.

Packing my son for his return to boarding school earlier this week was emotional. Putting away his size 10 New Balance shoes, cologne, and first razor, I thought again about a different, darker parental pain. The anguish of Hirsch Goldberg Pollen's parents. Seeing them speak at the Democratic National Convention when Hirsch was reportedly still alive made the abstract parade of death painfully real. As Stalin cynically noted, quote, one death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic, unquote.

Arlington National Cemetery, with over 400,000 graves, is a microcosm of American history. It conducts about 150 funerals weekly, with the 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier 24-7, 365. From Civil War soldiers to freed slaves, astronauts to Supreme Court justices, Arlington honors a diverse array of Americans who've shaped our nation. It's not just a cemetery, but a place of healing for families of the fallen, a testament to national gratitude and respect.

During the Civil War, the Union seized an estate belonging to Confederate General Robert E. Lee, building a cemetery there for thousands of soldiers killed by forces under Lee's command. Arlington was also the site of Freedman's Village, a refugee camp for former slaves that evolved into a thriving community. Section 27 holds the graves of an estimated 3,000 black Americans who escaped slavery. President John F. Kennedy rests there, honored by an eternal flame. General George C. Marshall, Winston Churchill's organizer of victory in World War II, lies nearby. Admiral Hyman G. Rickover, the father of the nuclear navy, and Ira Hayes, a Native American from the Akamal Awadom tribe, who was one of the six Marines who raised the flag at Iwo Jima,

also call Arlington their final home. The Veterans Health Administration serves 9 million veterans across 1,300 facilities. Arlington, in its way, is a health facility for grieving families. The resources and ceremony

committed to it comfort those who've lost loved ones. It's 355 million Americans saying to military families, we recognize your loss, your sacrifice has meaning, and we care. By custom and law, Arlington is off-limits for political content. Yet, during a ceremony marking the anniversary of an attack that killed 13 U.S. troops in Afghanistan, the Trump campaign saw an opportunity for content. When stopped, they became abusive.

Trump advisor Chris LaCivita later posted footage of the event, hoping to trigger the hacks in the army. This desecration of Section 60 poured salt on open wounds. As Ben Kessling, a former Marine officer, wrote, Section 60 is one of the most sacred places for this generation of troops. It is where those who were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan are buried. Those graves are visited not by tourists looking for historical figures, but by mothers and fathers visiting their fallen son or daughter.

In Section 60, wounds are still raw. Unquote. Trump's actions dishonored not just those who served, but America itself. The man who called U.S. troops killed in combat losers and suckers has found a new low. His disrespect for America and for those who've made the ultimate sacrifice in its defense is increasingly common. However, this specific behavior at Arlington is unique in its callousness. Grief is the price we pay for love. Our grief testifies to the depth of our connections to individuals, communities, and nations.

There's a word for Trump's actions at Arlington. Desecration. Life is so rich. Thank you.