The Psychology of your 20s - 118. How to make the most of your 20s pt.1

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

How do we actually make the most of our 20s? Career anxiety, feeling stuck, taking risks and managing our money (do we spend or save) are all big concerns we have in this period. So how do we manage these dilemmas and choices to create our dream life in our 20s, and what does that dream life even look like? In part one of our mini series, we examine the major decisions we make during this decade around our future and how we can approach them to get the best outcome. We discuss the importance of taking risks, moving to a new city, quitting your terrible job and trying as many things as possible. We also talk money, dymystifying some of the stigma around how people in their 20s are actually spending their money and why you should be spending on experiences rather than temporary things. Listen now! Part two out Friday!  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/  Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s, and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is great to have you here back for another episode. Today I also want to formally welcome you to this week's little mini series where I'm going to be focusing on how to create your dream life in your 20s. So my kind of idea behind this

segment, why I thought that it was important to talk about today, perhaps something that I hadn't spoken about before, is that there is so much evidence, advice, psychology, even my personal observations that don't always make it into one episode altogether. I feel like I have a lot of different episodes for unique conundrums and unique experiences, but what I really wanted to do was combine that all into two episodes where we look at all. the different dimensions of our 20s that I think we experience the greatest sense of worry and confusion, things like our careers, our finances, love, friendships, the future, and our personal growth, and really provide a bit of a blueprint or a guide for what is the best practice, what is the

best thing to do during this decade around these different ideas and experiences that is not only going to allow us to really enjoy the freedom of this time, but also set us up for the future. I think this decade is so incredibly romanticized and the stakes feel so high to kind of get everything right and to set ourselves up for success whilst also not really missing out on some of those crucial, fun, carefree times. And I think we all deserved a bit of a holistic bird's eye view of exactly what kind of balance to strike and also some reassurance that you are not behind, there is no need to rush, there is still time, and also what the future may have in store. How to approach that daunting, sometimes overwhelming confusion with

excitement rather than fear. So this is part one of the Creating Your Dream Life mini series where we are going to cover tips and theories around achieving fulfillment, direction, and growth in our careers and, you know, our financial lives. And part two, we're going to cover relationships, friendships, love, as well as our physical and our emotional and crucially our spiritual well-being. So this episode, I really want to get into and decode all of the kind of mysteries and confusions around making career and financial choices in your 20s that feel right and feel satisfying, but also allow us to really build this really wonderful future that we want without having the regret and the fear of the what-ifs. A question I get all the time in that, I think in fact I ask myself a lot

is, how do I know that the decisions I'm making right now and not the same decisions that I'm going to regret in five or 10 years. Because this is our first decade of adulthood, we often don't have the hindsight to comprehend just how much our lives can and will change in the next five to 10 years. And they may pan out in ways that we don't expect. So because we are all very new to this decade and new to this experience, we feel very boxed in by, I would say, a series of choices that have been socially imposed on us, particularly three or four options in particular. Do you work? Do you travel? Do you pursue further education? Or do you settle down? You know, I think that what comes from that is this series of what if questions, the series of kind of pick me or make a choice situation. So do I go to

uni and pursue professional success of being, you know, a lawyer, a doctor, an architect, or do I go traveling? Do I spend the next 10 years climbing the corporate ladder? Or do I pursue my passions and my pipe dreams? Sometimes it feels like every choice we make closes more doors than it opens. If I'm this type of person, the type that is eager for financial independence and professional success, then I have to say goodbye to this other potential version of myself, that really free-spirited traveler with endless time but also very little money. And I wish that I could be every possible version of myself. I wish that I didn't have to choose.

It's something that I hear constantly. And I guess the question that comes from that is, why can't we kind of have it all? Why can't we be at all? I think a big misconception we face during this decade is that the choices we are making now will be our final answer. Part of that is this major contradiction inherent in our 20s that can make things so confusing but also wonderful. You know, in one year we are told that this is the decade of opportunity where we are kind

of given a few years of free passes to really take our time and explore. And then in the other year is this little voice telling us that we are, falling behind, that we should have figured it out by now, that this is where our life foundation is established. I talk about this concept quite a bit on the show, but I think our 20s are a continuous example of what we call the paradox of choice. So the paradox of choice is this theory that suggests when we have an abundance of options, actually what that requires is more effort and when we have more options, we feel less satisfied with our choices compared to when we have fewer. And when we think about the landscape of our 20s, something that we are is very much

spoiled for choice. And we might think that that is more liberating. We might think that that gives us more freedom, but what a lot of these psychologists are saying is really that choice actually paralyzes us because we don't know how to weigh up all of the pros and cons, the costs and benefits of these decisions. So we are a generation facing the curse of too much choice. And maybe that is what's contributing to heightened levels of anxiety around not making the most of our formative years or worse yet. I think there's fear of making a choice and it being the wrong one. Something we really need to acknowledge before we start this episode is that this decade is not always going to be glamorous and romantic. I think we constantly think that we should be further along, that we should

have this career of our dreams or even an idea of what that dream should be by a certain age. But when you talk to more and more people about this, you kind of realize that everyone is just as confused as the next. And we learn a lot of what we think our lives should be like from very unrealistic, I would say, narrow hues, from very highly idealized depictions of what this decade should be, from movies, from cinema, and unfortunately, a lot of them are false. So there's two things that I've come to realize. Number one, we need to throw out any kind of thinking or prediction of what you think your life should look like. The vision you have for your future right now is going to change a million times and where you think you'll end up is probably not going to be

where you actually end up. I would say the chances are highly unlikely. You know, I finished high school thinking I was going to work in politics. Then I graduated uni and I was a management consultant. And now, three years later, you know, I make a psychology podcast full time. that wasn't what I had in mind. That was a completely different idea to what I had even 12 months ago. But I think it's even better because I let life surprise me and I didn't tie myself down to a particular idea of who I needed to be. I let myself change. I let myself make mistakes because I think that's firmly what I think this decade is for. That is my underlying philosophy throughout this whole idea of creating your dream life. allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to accept change. I think secondly, no decision or

experience is ever a waste of your time and you also have the agency to change your reality at any point. It's really never too late to make a life-altering decision. You can be 50 and decide to go back to school. You can be 35 and quit your job. You can be 80 before you really, you know, find your passion. and you start your first book, you meet the love of your life. You're not a passive actor or a sidekick in your own life. That's something we really need to remember. You are the main character. So what's kind of stopping you from trying on different versions of yourself

and seeing which one fits? You know, what's stopping you from deciding that one day, you know, the corporate life isn't for you, you're quitting your job, or maybe you're doing the reverse. You can give a million reasons why you cannot, do that, but I think when your happiness is the number one priority, especially during this decade where I think we're allowed to be a lot more selfish than other decades when you're kind of on this journey of creating your dream life. Happiness is really the core factor in your

decision making. So in this episode, part one of this episode, we are going to break down my 10 key tips to getting the most out of your career, your finances and your time in your 20s to create your dream life, set yourself up for success, but also really enjoy this sacred period of your life. So without further ado, let's get into it. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the

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Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Learn the Hardway and listen now. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in so much, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for.

Sunlight's the greatest disinfectant. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian, Michael Marincini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police.

As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The big dilemma, I think that we need to overcome first and foremost when we're working towards this idea. idea of creating our dream life, is actually understanding what that looks like. Now, that's a highly individual question, depending on factors like our values, family expectations, culture, even the books and movies that we've been exposed to, that conceptualization is going

to look really different for everyone. You know, for some people, our 20s are about complete freedom and minimal responsibility. And for others, they're focused on settling down or pursuing love or your soulmate. In fact, I really think that on this whole planet, you could never find two people who are perfectly aligned on what they want from this decade, because there isn't one correct answer. I think where we get in trouble is when we compare our idea of happiness and success as well to someone else's. And we really begin to doubt whether our aspirations are actually good enough or whether someone else hasn't more figured out than us. That right there, I think, is a one-way ticket to very deep, emotional, spiritual, mental dissatisfaction

because someone else's ambition and motivation for pursuing a certain path is not going to be aligned with yours. And I think focusing on someone else's plan, focusing on someone else's idea of fulfillment, someone else's success, just really detracts from your own enjoyment of your life because you're constantly holding up a mirror to someone else's. as the saying goes, you know, energy flows where attention goes. And if there's one thing that you need to create your dream life during this decade, it is to direct all of your energy into what is going to make you happy, both in the moment and in the future.

So our first exercise is to determine what kind of decade you want your 20s to be. Noting that this can, and I think definitely will change, and you should really be testing this idea regularly. But at every stage, when you find yourself perhaps at a crossroads or feeling really stuck, which we know is a super common experience, what you need to ask yourself is, A, what makes you happy, B, what makes you fulfilled? Because those are different things. And C, what conditions are necessary to fulfill those two factors.

I say that third factor of what conditions are necessary as the last one, because I think that this should enable those first two factors. It's also something that is most flexible, and it shouldn't be a condition or a factor that limits what you're looking for in your life. When we start making a plan for the future, especially during this decade, I think we often set out to make a bit of a checklist, one that feels very constrictive and linear. you know, do X to achieve Y, pass go, collect certain experiences, achieve certain milestones, and happiness is kind of guaranteed. And when we put ourselves into a category where we feel like we need to meet certain conditions

to do something, we also feel that we can't do everything and that we're closing ourselves off to other possibilities, which actually creates a lot of paralysis. because if we are feeling like we're forced to make a decision, if we're feeling like we have to give up opportunities in order to pursue something in particular, that's going to really decrease our motivation and our sense of satisfaction with that choice. And I think what's more accurate is that you can't do everything at once, but you can do everything. Ten years is a really, really long time. And I think to put that into perspective, think about everything,

that has happened to you since you were 10 or since you were 12 or 15 or how many different chapters you've lived through since that age you were 10 years ago. How much your ideas about the future changed in that time? I think in order to confront a lot of that anxiety about wasting our formative years, we need to look at our 20s as a series of seasons. So 20 to 22 is season one. Maybe we focus on uni, we focus on figuring things out. 23 to 25, season two, we focus on giving our passions, our all, you know, really focusing on something that is perhaps not conventional or accepted, but something that makes us happy. 26 to 28, we can travel if we want. That's another option. 29 to 30 to 31. We can really focus on some level of professional or career development and viewing

it as a series of chapters rather than just one clump of 10 years where you have to do everything possible, I think that makes us feel like we can fit it all in. Instead of creating a timeline or a checklist, a very constrictive way of looking at your life, I want us to utilize the ideas around visualization to create a more realistic depiction of what our future might look like, but also one that can be flexible. Instead of thinking this is what I want to achieve by 25 or 28 or 30, whatever age you have in mind, I want you to instead imagine a random day one year from now and picture the following things. Where are you living? And in detail, what does your space look like? Where did you wake up this morning? What's your morning routine? Maybe you went and saw some friends for lunch.

Who are they? Who are these friends? What do they? What do they? do? How are you spending your afternoon? Are you working in a cafe? Are you working at, you know, the job you've always wanted or taking a train somewhere amazing? Who you were texting? Who are you talking to? Who are you fantasizing about? What are the plans that you're working towards? What are you eating for dinner? And then project that same visualization again for the version of you in five years. think about in that moment what is making you happy. What is your routine looking like? What does the world around you look like? And what small things from that do you need to change to make that feeling a reality? The thing is, I think deep down, we already know what kind of future we want, or at least we know

at least one version of that. The only doubt I think we have intrinsically is our fear that we may not achieve it. But then when we picture our future and ourselves in it, when we use that very powerful tool of visualization, that's not only a really powerful motivator, but it's also incredibly affirming and it makes us look for a practical pathway to achieving a certain feeling rather than a quantifiable set of milestones. Now that we have that dream in mind, I really want to discuss how we can form our life around that dream or around the feeling that we're looking to achieve. So this is where I really want to discuss my firstly five key tips for pushing yourself forward and making the most out of your career decisions during this decade.

I think the secret to creating your dream life in your 20s is a combination of both future planning and risk taking, striking that balance. So firstly, depending on what season you're in, whether you have a plan or not, you really need to try as many new things as you can, even when they feel scary. There's this beautiful quote that I reflect on a lot. The unlived life is not worth examining. I think too many of us believe that our 20s are for thinking about what we want to do and imagining our future, but actually not doing much doing.

That's not true. I think our 20s are for collecting the experiences and the stories that will be the bedrock for our future rather than kind of falling into what we call the cycle of inaction regret. So inaction regret, we've spoken about this before, but researchers have shown that doing something, even if it's the wrong thing, taking risks, even if they don't work out, is much less likely to leave you with regret than doing nothing at all. I think additionally, our 20s are when we are most receptive to new experiences and new interests whilst our, you know, our brain are still developing. So it really is the best time to expose ourselves to novelty and newness

and things that might challenge our thinking rather than feeling like we're stuck as the same version as we were when we were 18 or 19 years old. The thing is you haven't really been an adult for all too long. So it's unlikely that you really know what you like, what makes you happy, you really haven't had that exposure to what's out there. And sadly, I think you can't really figure out what is going to leave you feeling fulfilled unless you give things a really solid go. And like I said before, let life truly surprise you. I had this friend who spent like her whole life thinking that she was going to be a doctor. She had five months left of medical school and someone got her random pottery course for her birthday

and within two weeks she'd quit medical school and was focusing on being an artist full time. And I know that sounds really drastic, but this is the time. for you to do that because you can't really hurt anyone by deciding to make yourself happier in those moments and by deciding to pursue something that might be different. If you are in a moment of stagnation, you've been doing the same thing for some time. It's time to switch it up because I think you don't want to blink and realize that the things you did at 22 are the same stories you're telling at 28 because you haven't given yourself the space to be uncomfortable and make new experiences. This leads me to tip two. Take as many risks as possible, even if they're not conventional, because you

have no idea how they might pay off. One thing in particular, I think everyone should be doing in their 20s is to move to a new city. Pushing yourself into a new environment is such a catalyst for self-growth and self-awareness. Let this be your motivation if you have been thinking about it, learning to live on your own, support yourself and create new connections beyond what you're comfortable in. For me, that has been such a profound contributor to my identity, a huge hallmark of my 20s. And I think my sense of independence, my confidence, even, you know, my overall enjoyment in life has just blossomed, expanded, grown a hundred times. I can't even fathom how many things I would have missed out on.

if I hadn't left home at 17 and then again moved to Sydney at 22. It really scares me to think about that. All these beautiful experiences that I was rewarded with for taking that risk, even when it felt scary, I just can't imagine how empty I would feel if I hadn't done that and how haunted I would be by the possibility. I always say this, but I think the easiest thing you can do is what is most convenient. And sadly, I think that's normally the path most people take, one of comfort and convenience where we really have, you know, we never give ourselves a reason

to challenge whether our lives could be better because we are too scared that we might make them worse. There's two things I want to say about that. Firstly, there is really only so much screwing up that you can do in your 20s and there are only a very select few amount of decisions that are going to ruin your life. Everything is temporary, firstly, but also everything can be reversed except for the decisions that you didn't make. I'm going to say that one more time. Everything can be reversed except for the decisions that you didn't make. And I'm not asking you to do something fraudulent or dangerous, but just to do things you are scared to do because I think living with that existential potential and question of the what if is going to be a lot more

emotionally painful in the long term than that experience of momentary fear. Secondly, there's this idea and psychology around the distinction between bounded and unbounded risk that just kind of furthers the argument that you can take chances and still pursue those same goals and still feel secure. Bounded risks are risks that have limited downside, but unbounded, unlimited upside. So these kinds of risks, they might cost you up front. They might involve an investment in time or money or resources, but there is no ceiling. There is no limit. to the potential upsides and reward. So starting a podcast, for example, a side hustle, a YouTube channel, choosing to go back to uni for something you're passionate about. Those are all examples

of bounded risks. You invest sometime in content creation or study some money in equipment or a membership, but it's not going to cost you your life, your friendships, your career, your financial security, it's just going to enhance the features that are already there. And, you know, if it doesn't take off, if your podcast isn't successful, you have a bounded loss. You can't lose more than what you invested in, you know, but if it grows viral or you find a highly engaged audience, or you discover this really niche passion and a demand for your skills, there is no limit to how far that can go. I'm going to give you the example I know best, which is in terms of this show and this podcast that you're listening to right now. When I started it, yeah, there was, you know,

potential to be embarrassed, but really the worst that could have happened was that no one listened. And guess what? If I hadn't started the podcast, no one would be listening anyways. But theoretically, when you choose something like a bounded risk, like starting a YouTube channel or a podcast or a TikTok, something like that, theoretically, you can reach anyone with an internet connection. there is limited cost and then also unlimited payoff. You know, this is my job now. That's so crazy to me. This is my calling.

And the why is so clear to me, but if I'd been too scared or uncomfortable to take that risk, none of that would have happened. So maybe I'm a success story. Maybe I'm not. But you really have no idea what the world will reward you with when you decide to do things that most people feel too afraid to do. and, you know, it's your 20s. At the end of the day, mistakes just make for excellent stories. And some people may see a downside in that, but I think good stories just make you a more fascinating,

multidimensional human. So why not do it? And one of the best risks I think you can take. And also, my third tip is to quit the job you hate. I've spoken about this before. And to be honest, people weren't too big of a fan of it, but I really want to lay out my evidence and reasoning for this if anyone out there needs convincing. This is not the decade for you to stay anywhere, do anything you don't love out of an obligation. You have years of that, years to do that, years to put yourself through the responsibility of needing to keep a job. I don't think now is that time. When we're talking about creating our dream life, if you are someone who is working full time, one third of that life you are creating will be at work.

When we look at our life in its totality, that is 30% of our time, 90,000 hours. 90,000 hours of your life. I can't even begin to contemplate how large that number is. Imagine being in the biggest stadium you've ever been in, and imagine talking to every single person in that stadium for an hour, row by row, section by section, seat by seat. That would take an incredibly long time. and that is the time that you're investing into a job that you might not love,

that you might not like, that leaves you overworked, miserable, bored, unfulfilled, and so can you really give yourself a reason other than money and stability why you should stay? And when you create a hierarchy of what's important to you, does money really sit above your well-being or your happiness and your joy in life? I'm guessing probably not, and it goes back to that first item, You need to try as many new things as you can because there could be a job out there for you that you absolutely adore that you, you know, leaves you feeling so happy and fulfilled and meaningful.

So why don't you deserve to be there? This is really your only life and work is a part of that. It's a part of that reality. So in 10, 20 years, are you going to be proud of yourself if you stayed somewhere you weren't happy just because it was easier than the effort, it would take to do something that you loved more. Quit the job. Trust me, I did it. You have time to be a corporate drone. You have time to sell your soul to a boss. But I don't think that your 20s are that time. That advice might sound quite militant and intense, maybe a bit Marxist, which I get. I understand.

But I also want to say, if you love your job, that is absolutely something that you should hold onto. You are very lucky. And I think that that is a real blessing. Congratulations. but this advice is for if you have any doubts that your current career is not bringing you fulfillment. I do think that that lack of fulfillment, that dissatisfaction, is only solidified over time. So to give you that edge, this really relates to my next tip and to be able to transfer to new jobs, new beginnings, but also to give you the freedom to transition perhaps between work and time exploring and trying other things. My fourth tip is to develop a specific skill, something that is very unique as almost an insurance for your future. So things like audio editing,

things like being a nurse, things like copywriting, some kind of coding, a unique skill, a unique thing that you can put on your resume that is evergreen, that is always going to have some kind of commodification. So why is this valuable and why is it on this list? I think this is valuable because it gives you the security to be able to make decisions from a place of longing and from your heart rather than practicality, knowing that you have something to fall back onto, whilst also expanding the avenues and dimensions of your life beyond your career. Whatever you choose to do, that is totally up to you. But I also think that I cannot see here and give advice about creating a beautiful future if we're not also thinking about what that foundation might look like.

and some of the practicalities and, you know, contextual factors around needing money to live and needing money to explore and needing money to take time off work. So I think that made five, but I'm going to give one extra, and that is to start writing down your goals and setting up five achievable goals per year. So one professional goal, one personal goal, one financial goal, one health goal, And finally, what I call a soulful goal. So that is a goal that feeds you mentally, psychologically, emotionally, that may not look like something we would set as a goal from the outside. It might not look important to others, but it's important for ourselves and for keeping in

touch with our authenticity and our sense of wonder. Ad adulthood, if we take it too seriously, sometimes can suck a lot of the fun out of our 20s. You know, remember what it was like when you played like a bunch of instruments and you played sport with your friends and you were like building a sticker collection or you were like making little songs on your keyboard, that is still important in our 20s. So I think focusing on something that elevates the small pleasures and keeps you centered on enjoying life is really important. You know, maybe pursuing a sport or a yoga course or making time to make art, asking

yourself, like, I want to make a couple of art pieces a year and I'm not going to give them to anyone, I'm just going to keep them to myself. I want to make sure that I plan at least one beach trip or I do a girl's trip or a trip on my own, something that is going to feed your soul that you prioritize in your life. That is an important part of the goals that you're setting for the future. I think those five goals, those five categories, give your life a sense of structure so that you're not kind of sucked into a Peter Pan complex, wanting to be aimless and young forever. But it also keeps the balance, balance being the key word of this episode between focus and freedom. Importantly, we also have to recognize that these goals, they may and most likely will change.

And also, you don't need to achieve them in the next two days or the next two weeks. One of the biggest mistakes I think we make in our 20s is feeling like everything is on an accelerated timeline, such that the time between an idea and it's really, needs to be as quick as possible. Maturing is really coming to terms with the fact that good things take time and adjustment and plans made in silence with consistency and slow, steady action are a lot more structurally sound than kind of these fleeting desires that we throw everything into. And I'm not saying don't do those things, but I think have some idea in mind of where you might want to be in 10 years.

I really get that tendency to rush and feel pressure to be successful and exceptional at a young age, especially with so much societal pressure and the idealization of the wonderkin, the young success story. But really slow down and take this moment for what it is. You're never going to get this time back. That's something I hear time and time again from mentors or people who are older than me. Plans will take time. You don't need to rush and get them done right now. You are completely okay to have your small micro goals that give you a sense of motivation and give you a sense of that visualization tactic we were talking about before.

You know, if your goal is to do something huge, how can you prepare for that over time in a way that is sustainable? Focusing on the little steps you take and tying them back to the big, but also giving yourself freedom around that to go on trips, to do things that really spark joy and feel excited. and feel like the experiences we should be having in our 20s. I think we've had enough career advice and conversations on careers so far in this episode. So what I want to move on to talking about next is finances and money. Not something we talk about on the show a lot, but really important nonetheless, something extremely valuable to discuss when we are contemplating this idea of our dream life and how to set ourselves up for success in our 20s.

So all of that and more after this short break. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%, I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience

in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong.

Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's T-W-O-Persent on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tapped Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people. I know what you're thinking. What the hell does George Bush got to do with Little Kim? Well, you can find out on the Look Back at it podcast. I'm Sam Jett. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it.

Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill, waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 is big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talk about crack on day But just so y'all know I mean at this point Mark this is the second episode where we've discussed crack So I'm starting to see that there's a through line

We also have AIDS on the table right now So Thank you finishing that sentence I don't think there's a more important year for black people Really? Yeah for me it's one of the most important years For black people in American history

Listen to look back at it On the IHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts Or wherever you get your podcasts Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hardway with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field and conversations with so many incredible guests.

I'm talking, Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark. Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing, we get so wrapped up in the chase that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing. And we're still chasing it. And we don't know when we've done enough. Because people scoreboard watch. Life becomes about wins and losses. Steve Burns, Dustin Ross,

because you find it important to be a good person while you hear on earth, or are you a good person because you're afraid? Because that's two different intentions, bro. Absolutely. And that's two different levels of trust. I want you to just really be a good person. Join me, Kear Gaines, as we have real conversations about healing,

growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, learn the hard way. Open your free, our heart radio app. Search learning a hard way and listen now. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in so much.

I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Alespian and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until Justice. is served in Arizona.

Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Money in our 20s is something that we do not discuss a lot. I think because our positions on kind of the wealth scale between our friends, our colleagues, and then people like our parents, is so nuanced and diverse that it feels awkward to speak on. You know, we have friends who are still at uni. Some of them are working. we don't really want to put it out there that we might have less money than there might have more.

There's also this level of discomfort and shame and taboo around money, which I actually think is not doing us any favors. It's not empowering us to make informed decisions. Like, how do I spend my money in my 20s? Is everyone saving money? Does everyone have money for a house? Or is everyone as frivolous as me? Is everyone prioritizing experiences?

it's really hard to know because I think not only do people not talk about it in our personal lives, but there are very, very few discussions about it in things like our education system or even online in the media. So let's crack that open today. Let's really examine maybe how you should be spending your money in your 20s. I'm going to make a really big caveat here. You should be spending your money how you want to spend it. I think financial responsibility and literacy is something.

that we all claim in our own time. And I also think this is just my opinion and my advice for how I choose to spend my money and how I'm trying to set myself up for a success. I also think this is a psychology podcast and we cannot discuss our opinions and perspectives and feelings towards money without thinking about where that came from. I think whilst we should save when and where we can, when possible, we also need to reframe money as a resource and a resource and a tool rather than as a source of joy. But some of us have had different childhood perspectives on that and different influential experiences around money that have influenced how we treat it in our 20s. For example, you know, if you never really had much, money is really synonymous to you with

security. So you might hang on to it and feel a lot worse or a lot more negative around spending money on things that might bring you joy. Or you might go the opposite way if you've never had much money. You might now not really know how to manage this as a resource and use it to pursue luxury and to give you the things that you never had. I also think there are a lot of experiences, particularly when we're younger and how money is treated by our parents and by people around us that can cause us to conflate income with self-worth and with just worth in general. So I think the first thing we really need to do is de-centre money from our life. When we speak about some of those earlier points around taking risk and quitting your job, money is going to be a powerful factor,

but it's also a resource. So I think my biggest tip here is to, in your 20s, spend money on experiences rather than things. You have time to save. You have time to buy a house. You have time to make those financial investments that you want to make. And I think a lot of the media and especially around TikTok and even Reddit and things like that, a lot of what we consume from those platforms is really focused on building wealth and really focused on what investments you should be making. And I think that if it is that easy as a lot of these people claim for it to be, if you can start small, you can start small a little bit later. And I really think that you can save in small ways that don't require you to make.

drastic life adjustments in a period of your life where you should have a little bit more freedom to enjoy the things around you. So spending money on experiences rather than things I think is a good way to accomplish this. One big thing I think about a lot is that material items are not the things that you are going to remember in 50 years. You know, the new Adidas shoes, trending clothing items, fancy bags. Yeah, it might make you really happy right now and that's a beautiful thing and you should be able to treat yourself when you can, but I don't think it's worth more than the memories or experiences that you might be potentially giving up. So if there's a choice between that, between a nice item, and doing something that is going to let you see the world differently, or laugh with your

friends, or just be present, something that is good for your soul and experience, I really think that that is what we should prioritize. You know, I think you don't need trendy or does diner items to bring you joy in your 20s. I think those things are just nice benefits or nice additions to a more rich and fulfilling life. And I used to really use the justification that, you know, if I bought this thing, I would give it to my kids one day. And really that just caused clutter. You know, it made me happy for a couple of days. It gave me that short dopamine hit. And then the buyer's remorse would set in. And suddenly I really wished that I had more money to do things that I knew would last me a lifetime. like take trips with my friends, do the spontaneous dinners, go and have experiences.

I also think that not all money needs to be spent. Something that my parents always said was that you should have dedicated money for fun, but you should never spend more than 80% of your earnings. And you should always have some level of savings. So I think we get really overwhelmed when we talk about savings or investing or putting money aside because it feels like it's going to really cost us our lifestyle. But if you just put $25 a week into a high-interest savings account, bare minimum, that really begins to grow and it begins to become really, really fruitful

without feeling like it's impeding on some of those assets and money as a resource, that can provide you with the experiences that you really want to be having. Secondly, we're going to return to this idea of social comparison because I think it's a really big psychological factor in how we approach money in our 20s. Do not buy property or spend money on rent for a fancy apartment or use money to impress people during this decade or do not spend money on things just because other people are doing it. I think that we really conflate money with a lot of personal things about ourselves. I think that our society and our culture and our really idolization of wealth

has made that so it's really hard to escape. But looking at how someone else is spending and feeling like you need to do that is a very easy way to find yourself trapped in a way of spending that perhaps doesn't actually suit your lifestyle and that broader visualization of where you want to be. Using money as a tool for comparison is such a danger because we start to see it as the most important thing about ourselves and we start to think that if we live, a certain lifestyle, people will think a certain way about us. If we can say that we're doing things like buying a house or staying in a really expensive neighborhood that somehow that's going to make us happier, I think our time for those things and our time for those luxuries and big investments

will come. Our early 20s in particular are perhaps not the time to be doing that. Part of being an adult is worrying about money. Financial stress is one of the biggest exogenous, meaning outside external factors, contributing to things like anxiety and depression, particularly amongst people over the age of 25 or 30. And when we think about some of the other contextual factors like potentially, you know, an oncoming recession or a real sense of financial uncertainty, that can further exacerbate our relationship to money as something that is finite. I think that what that causes the bleed on effects or consequences of that is partaking in a voluntary blindness or ignorance around our finances. Money can create a lot of stress and fear,

and I think what that can cause us to do is to not examine how we're spending, why we're spending, when we're spending, and in response to what. And I think ignorance is definitely bliss, but ignorance is also limiting. You want to be able to do the things you want to do, and that requires some pre-thought, but also some knowledge. I really went through a time where I would not even look at my bank balance. And then when I finally sat down and was like, okay, what am I spending most of my money on here? It was things that actually didn't bring me that much joy. They just brought me convenience. A lot of takeaway, a lot of Uber rates. And yeah, there's a time and a place for that. But deciding to be knowledgeable about my

relationship with money and where I was spending and where I could save was really, really valuable for giving me that bit of a safety net to be able to do the things I loved whilst also not sacrificing a lifestyle that I liked, one in which I could go and have dinners with friends, I could go and see movies, but it also wasn't going to be exorbitant and it wasn't going to completely consume all the money that I had put aside for that week or for that month. You know, money is a resource. It is not your entire life. And I also don't think that money. is a reason to pursue a certain career or to make a decision in our 20s, unless that is a decision that you are willing to make. You know, it's about choosing your hard, you know, being broke and being,

you know, really struggling with money and maybe not being able to do certain things because you're prioritizing travel or further education or following your passion. That is hard. But it's also hard slaving away at a job you might not love to be able to afford your first house at 22, 23. It's about choosing your heart. What of these choices and of the, all those other abundant choices that we could make is actually most aligned with that vision that I, that I really wanted you to set out the start, that vision of what happiness looks like for you in a year or five years. Really think about where does money sit in that picture. Is money an important factor? All right. So I think we're done with part one for now.

covering our bases around career anxiety, career risk, career certainty, and then also some of the financial responsibilities and financial motivators that we might encounter in this decade. I found this really valuable, really important actually to reaffirm how I was approaching my 20s. I think I've been feeling a little bit stuck at the moment and a little bit all over the place as to what the future holds and what kind of life I want to create and whether I'm doing the right things for that future. But I think having that sense of, yes, I should be taking a risk. Yes, I should be following something like my passion. No, that is not the end of the line for me. No, I'm not locked into a future just because I made a choice at 23, 24. That's a really important thing that I think

this episode allowed me to reinforce within myself. So I really hope that you enjoyed it and that you come back for part two where we're going to be talking about how to create your dream life, particularly around relationships, love, friendships, and then of course personal growth. I think that the love factor in particular is one that we have so many questions about in our 20s and I'm not going to pretend I have all of the answers, but some of the research and studies that I looked into was really eye-opening for me to be like, am I approaching this very foundational emotional experience and connection in a healthy and sustainable way that aligns with living the life I want to live. So we are going to return to that in part two. As always, if you

enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now, share it with a friend if you feel cool to do so. And if you have an episode suggestion, follow us at That Psychology Podcast. I love hearing from you. I love hearing what's going on with your, with your lives, what kind of experiences you want me to talk about. So I appreciate all the love, support and feedback that you give me over there. And I will be back with part two of creating your dream life in your 20s. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations

that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app,

Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. In 2023, Bachelor Star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Owens, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing.

Greg Gillespie and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person.

Listen to 2%. That's TWO%. on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last target.

He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that, trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe. On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.

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