The Psychology of your 20s - 137. I'm putting too much pressure on myself

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

Today we're having a candid chat about how I'm going. How I'm really going! We discuss imposter syndrome, why I've been putting way too much pressure on myself as of late and in the lead up to 2024 and why that has manifested in some serious burnout and illness (don't mind my Covid voice). I also break down my struggles with being disliked, particularly online and how we can manage and redirect the opinions of others to ensure they do not interrupt our journey to being our most authentic selves. Listen now for a candid catch up, all my love, Jem x  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Ellen, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian. Michael Mancini.

My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the podcast. the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode. Today, it's more of a chatty episode. We're going to just sit down, relax, catch up with each other's lives, mainly my life. That's how this kind of worked. If you cannot tell, I am quite sick. I unfortunately have COVID, which doesn't feel like it's such a big deal anymore. You know, like back in 2020, it would have been like, my God, like breaking news. Like you would have been posting about it on, you know, your Instagram story. Like people would have been checking it on you. But nowadays, I feel like it's just kind of like the flu. But oh my goodness, it has wrecked my body. It has completely wrecked my body. And it's also just come at such a terrible time. I feel like,

I guess one of the things I want to talk about today is just how much kind of pressure I've been putting on myself recently, how much I've been working and really kind of hustling towards some big goals. And I think for a while, I've been really quite burnt out. And I always say this. I always think this. Like, if you don't take a break, your body is going to take a break for you. And I think that is definitely the case right now where like my immune system was like super low, had so much like cortisol and adrenaline like rushing through my body, trying to like keep me sustained that of course I like got exposed and suddenly here we are croaky voice, nasally voice.

Not amazing audio quality for you guys. But if you like our little catch up episodes, well hopefully this is nice. You know, you can just listen to this on your way to work. like you're talking to your friend, catching up, just like having a little sit down chat, which I think is really lovely. It's kind of been a while since I've done one of these as well. If you are from like the OG podcast days, you will remember how I used to just sit down with my friends and like talk about mental health and talk about our lives and our like meaningless gossip. And I think as like the podcast has kind of evolved, it's felt quite vulnerable to do that now with so many of you listening. But you know what?

There are some things that I want to get off my chest. And maybe I'm sharing because I just really hope that you can relate. You know, my mission has always been connection and letting all of us feel less alone through vulnerability and through candid conversations about what we're all experiencing in our 20s. So I thought, let's do that today. Let's do a little throwback to the vulnerable episodes of the past and check in. So to be honest, on a scale of how,

I'm doing right now. I'm at like a five. There are like some things in my life that are going really, really well. You know, I have like the job of my dreams. I am madly in love at the moment to the point where it literally hurts my heart sometimes to look at this person. I'm so in love. I'm about to go traveling for two months with my sister and then with my boyfriend to L.A. and then New York and then to Japan, which was not on my 2023 or 2024 bucket list. And I think actually that's something I need to be really, really grateful for right now, because if you didn't know this, I used to suffer from some really extreme claustrophobia, like couldn't get on a bus or a train, couldn't get stuck in traffic, couldn't go like in a tunnel without having a panic attack, that kind of level of

claustrophobia and you bet that flying was definitely off limits to me in the past and it was like one of my 2023 goals to get over that to like work through that. I actually think it's quite common after the pandemic because we've spent like two, three years not really getting that exposure to traveling or to flying or to leaving, you know, our houses. I was talking to one of my friends Josh about this and he was like, yeah, it's like post-pandemic like claustodian. Like, claustodian. because we've gotten so comfortable and so used to like our own little environments, our safe environments that when we put in these like uncomfortable positions where we are not in control, where we feel a sense of stuckness, all the feelings around that are just like

exacerbated, heightened, like extremely, extremely scary. But I went through like a lot of exposure of therapy at the start of this year to kind of be able to make traveling a part of my life. I hadn't done it for so long for like five, maybe six years because I was so scared because I was so fearful. And that involved really pushing myself out of my comfort zone, like doing things that would create panic. Like I did have panic attacks, like trying to get over this fear. And then I obviously flew in London at the start of the year. I went to Bali. And I'm so grateful that I did those things, even if in the moment they were so freaking terrifying. I, like, cried for the first, like, two hours of my flight to London. And this, like, really lovely lady kept, like,

patting me on the arm and being, like, happy, be happy, be happy. And I was like, dang, there are some really good people in this world. Like, that is so beautiful. But anyhow, back to the point, good things on the horizon, like, travel, like, all these amazing opportunities. Good things in my life, good things on my mind. However, I think the most, the most of the most, the more you mature, the more you realize that your emotions are not always black and white. You are not either unhappy or brilliantly happy. Like you can sit in the middle. You can feel everything in a week or even a day. It is so rare that we are at like the extremes of the spectrum. And I think that creates a lot of problems because then when we ask people like, oh, how are you doing? Like, are you okay? Like,

give me an update on your life. We often only ever want to talk about the moments. where everything's going really, really terribly, and we don't acknowledge that sometimes there can be smaller things in our lives, smaller like imperfections or events or moments, that although they are not like groundbreaking and life changing, either in a positive or a negative direction, like they still deserve to be spoken about

and we still need to be able to communicate the impact that those might be having on our mental state. And I think that's kind of where I'm at right now. I also feel like something I've struggled with for a long time has been like a sense of guilt, feeling really guilty for feeling bad or having negative emotions when from the outside my life looks like it's going really, really well. And I can acknowledge that it's going really, really well. It's so interesting because I feel like I kind of have everything I've ever wanted right now.

but that doesn't necessarily mean that your life is perfect and that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be completely happy and I think that with every good thing that comes into your life there's always going to be like uncomfortable things associated with that change right like your life is kind of adapting and expanding around new people around new experiences around new opportunities and that like expansion and that growth and that like flexibility is going to sometimes leave you feeling a little bit off and feeling like things are changing really really quickly and you really don't know what to do with yourself. So I think for me that really comes down to three things that I want to discuss in this like candid chat. Putting a lot of pressure on myself and the kind of

resulting burnout that I've been experiencing. I think that really derives from imposter syndrome and feeling a lot of career anxiety and social comparison, which I think is all kind of blending together to create like a little bit of, I'm going to be honest, like an existential crisis in my life at the moment where I'm like, is this going to make me happy for the rest of my life? Is what I'm doing right now really like, does it have that longevity? And I really hope that it does. All right, I'm going to go back to that first point because I feel like

I'm rambling, but firstly putting a lot of pressure on myself. I think that if you are an overachiever, you will understand this. Or if you are a perfectionist, you will also understand this. A lot of the times, like, especially young girls who are, like, intelligent or, like, quite emotionally aware, like, they experience a lot of additional pressure placed or, like, weight put on their shoulders to be these, like, kind of golden children. And often they're not really, like, met with the same level of reward is there like male peers or maybe their siblings or other people around them who aren't performing at that level and I'm not to like say that as if it's like wow look how amazing we are like I'm an overachiever everyone give me like a gold medal but more so that I think this is especially

the case if you're like the oldest child or the oldest daughter like please raise your hand if you are an oldest daughter because I'm going to bet you some good money that you are also an overachiever you have this like sense of like everything I have every I have every everything I do has to be perfect and everything I do has to please everyone around me. And that creates a lot of pressure where when you are inevitably not able to meet that standard that you have internalized from your early childhood or from how your parents or your teachers or your mentors kind of taught you to act or imposed on you, it's kind of like feels like a disaster and it leaves you feeling like super exhausted. I'm finding that a lot with like I'm going to be

super honest, like with the podcast at the moment, where the things that I really want to talk about, I get so worried that other people aren't going to want to hear it or that it might not apply to their own lives. Like, I did that, I did like an episode on like emotional eating recently. And I was like, wow, this has like been a huge problem for me. Is this a huge problem for other people? Will people actually find that they can relate to this? And what if they can't? Like, is that the end of my career will people be like, wow, she put out one episode that like didn't relate to me, like, I don't want to listen to her anymore. And I think that that is such like a toxic standard to hold yourself by of being like, I need to make everyone like me at all times.

I need to make content that's going to make everyone happy at all times and make sure that they feel seen. And then you kind of have to sit back and be like, yeah, but do I feel seen? Like I think that's kind of the superpower of psychology and like the psychology of your 20. And then you kind of have to sit back. is that you should feel like you are not the only one going through these experiences and that someone like me who is like sharing this online is someone you can look to and be like, oh my God, like here is this person in their 20s who's kind of like me and is experiencing that as well. I hope that makes sense. Like I think it's just this sense of like I do feel a sense of responsibility to make sure that people feel like this is a safe space for them.

And for people to come to the show and be like, all right, I know that if there's something I'm going through, like there will be a perspective on it that's going to make me feel better. And when I do episodes that maybe I don't feel like are completely hitting the nail on the head, that makes me feel like a lot of guilt and I put a lot of pressure on myself. I also think it comes down to imposter syndrome. whatever you are doing in your life, I feel like imposter syndrome is so inevitable. And the irony of that being like my first episode is not lost on me because even to this day like two and a half years later, it is perhaps my biggest flaw, like the thing that I struggle

with the most. So imposter syndrome is really just like this self-imposed doubt around our like skills, our like intellect, our accomplishments, what we're doing. I think wherever you are in your life, like I said, you could be working like at a bank or at a corporate job or as a nurse or you could still be studying or you could be pursuing your music career or being like, I don't know, a stay-at-room daughter or whatever you're doing. There's always this sense of like, am I doing enough and am I doing it right? And when is everyone around me going to realize that I'm a fraud?

And I think the problem with imposter syndrome that I've really come to realize is that regardless of the amount of external validation that you receive, regardless of the amount of praise, the amount of times your boss tells you that you're doing a good job, that your friends say they're proud of you, that your partner says they're proud of you, it is such a core belief that you are not good enough, that it cannot be undone. So it requires like some really deep internal reprogramming. And that reprogramming, I think, I'm ever. of this does not happen overnight. It hasn't happened over two years. Like it has been a slow process

of being like if, like, why can I not trust the opinions of others when they say that they think I'm doing a good job or when they say that they feel comforted by what I'm doing? And further to that, like, why is my own opinion of myself? Why can't I have a good opinion of myself? You know what I mean? like why is my sense of accomplishment and my sense of pride and my sense of like oh my gosh I'm doing something that I love and I'm doing something that gives me purpose? Why is that not enough to satisfy or fulfill this like deepest sense of failure? And I've been talking to my therapist about it, you know, sidebar therapy. There is a reason that we talk about it so much on the show.

It's because it is super life changing. And what she said to me was really, really interesting. She was said to me, for so long, you have internalized a set of assumptions about yourself and how you should be acting based on unrealistic standard. You know, you look at people on social media, you look at your idols, and you put them on a pedestal and you see them as these like imperfect human beings, these like brilliant people who have never experienced failure, who have always known what they were made to do and done it. it's so well and that is just so unrealistic and it's so like one dimensional because we really we really don't get to look into other people's lives and see what they're dealing with yet we just look at this like shiny perfect beautiful flawless version of them and their accomplishments and what they've done and think well why do we deserve to feel like we could get there why do we deserve to feel good

about ourselves when there is this version of me that I would like to be like this this version of another person that I am not. And there's a real reason why I think social comparison in that sense is like such a thief, like a massive thief of joy. Because when you spend your entire life thinking that you can do better, that kind of, I guess, line in the sand, that end goal, that like finish line is always going to keep moving. Like you are never going to be satisfied with what you have. And that is something that I still, I don't think can wrap my head around, that who I am right now is probably and actually very much good enough

and very much like a good version of me. I just keep trying to remind myself that I am not who other people think I am. I am not my accomplishments. I am not the things that I produce, my output. I am my kindness. I am my generosity. I am the love I show to my friends. I am my tenacity.

I am these things that would exist regardless of whether other people could see them. And that is really, really important. And sometimes obviously, like, I think it's such a, it's so interesting, like, consuming self-help content. And something that I try really hard not to do is put forward this image that, like, that journey is always going to be one that is moving forward. Like, it's always going to be one of, like, progress because I think sometimes we relapse, it's actually, I don't talk about this a lot, but like some of the criticism that I get online. Someone like made this video about me recently that was like this, I don't know, I'm not even going to go into it.

Like I'm sure if you want to see it, you can find it. But it was like quite critical. And it's so interesting that anyone on the internet feels that they can have an opinion about anyone and feels like that is something that they can share. and I just think that like no matter who you are, that lens of judgment can really stop you from being your authentic self and that experience of this, I don't even know this person, but like seeing their opinion of me and their opinion really mattered to me. And I was like, why does it matter?

I don't even know this person. This person has never met me. This person doesn't even live in the same country as me. Like they have seen this very, very one-sided point of view of my life, often through the lens of social media and through my podcast and made a lot of assumptions. And those are assumptions that I know aren't correct and yet I was like sitting there being like, I believe them. And it's so interesting because I think that in everyone's lives there is a version of this whereby someone else has decided that they think about you a certain way,

whether that is a friend or an acquaintance or an ex or just like someone random who doesn't even know you, some like friend of a friend and we cannot stop obsessing over their opinion. I remember when I was at uni, one of my really good friends had this friend, had another friend, who for some reason just didn't like me. And that's fine. Like, you can't be liked by everyone. Like, I certainly don't love everyone I meet. I like them at least.

But, you know, you cannot be liked by everyone. And it was so interesting because I had all these people who loved me and who I had the best time with. And yet, the only person's opinion I wanted to, like, change and win over was this one person. who I knew was never going to change their opinion because their opinion was not based on fact. So how can you alter something that is based in fiction by providing someone with reality? Like you can't.

They've already decided to believe a certain story about you. And I think that really comes to this deeper kind of lesson we need to learn of how do you deal with being disliked? I think that deserves its whole episode. Like how do you deal with being disliked in a world where to be liked is to be valued and we put a lot of stealth worth on what other people think of us. I guess that first strategy of reaffirming what you love about yourself is important. But the second strategy is really being like, why does this person need to continue to have access to you

such that they can talk about you, such that they can form an opinion on you? I'm not a big fan of blocking people. I don't know, some people think it's petty, but you should definitely mute that. that person. If there is someone in your life who does not like you for whatever reason, even if it's someone who has a good reason to not like you, like maybe like an ex-best friend or an ex-boyfriend or someone that you know you may have hurt, your only obligation is to move forward and be a better version of yourself. And that sometimes requires limiting how much this person can see you. They don't get to see you be better. They don't get to see you be

worse. Like, their judgment of you, their vision of you, their perception of you is not something that should be of your concern. And so sometimes that requires just limiting it, muting them, blocking them, whatever that takes. Like, that is a huge component for me of dealing with dislike. And then I think the third thing is just to keep it in perspective. The world is so large and so big and so wide. Not everyone is going to like it. Like that. And so large. Not everyone is going to like, you, but also it really does not matter. You are so small. You are so small. The world is so big. There are so many other people out there. And I know this sounds so corny, but like life is so, so short. And, you know, I don't know your beliefs, but my beliefs are that once you're gone,

you know, no one is really going to remember you. And maybe they will remember you in the next 100 or 200 or 300 or 300 years but in like 5,000, 6,000 years time like you know past your lifetime like that is a long time and those people who had opinions of you will also be gone those will no longer matter so why do they matter in this moment when you're alive what do they really say about who you are and what do they say about whether or not you deserve to be happy like I just I always think that I always try and put it in perspective, and sometimes that involves really branching out and going big and being like everyone is just like a kind of tiny speck of sand in the universe. What's one speck of sand to another speck of sand doesn't really mean that much. That person who doesn't like you doesn't mean that much.

They are exactly as you are trying to figure things out. Their opinion is not an informed one. So there's no need to change it. There's no need to internalize it. All you need to do is move on. realize that you deserve peace and happiness and to have a good life. I'm so sorry, this is such a ramble. I think that I have like serious COVID brain right now. I feel like that whole speech I just gave was such a fever dream, but I really do hope that maybe you got something out of that.

Honestly, it deserves its whole own episode, especially since in our 20s, I think it's something that we all have to adjust to not being liked, being disliked. It's a very common universal experience. But the other thing I really want to talk about that I've been going through, I've been experiencing has to do with body dysmorphia. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical

and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO% on the IHeart Radio app,

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Each episode, we pick a here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill, waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 was big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talk about crack all day, but just so y'all know. I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack, so I'm starting to see that there's a through line.

We also have AIDS on the table right now, so. Then you're finishing that sentence. Yes. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Really? Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field and conversations with so many incredible guests.

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Because that's two different intentions, bro. Absolutely. And that's two different levels of trust. I want you to just really be a good person. Join me, Keir Gaines, is we have. have real conversations about healing, growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, Learn the Hardway. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Learn the Hardway and listen now. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal.

The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice, and so much. I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian, Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at

Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped Podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Body dysmorphia is interesting because I think that it is not as well understood as we would hope that it would be, right? I think it's part of our dark. dialogue in such a limited way, where we all have a sense of what it means to experience body dysmorphia, to experience perhaps shame around what we look like, but we don't understand how it really manifests.

So what it really is is like this persistent, kind of intense focus on the parts of ourselves, of our bodies that we don't really like. And it's not always like a constant thing. For some people it is. For some people, it lasts for so many years. And I just kind of imagine how mentally exhausting that would be. But speaking of my own experience, it kind of comes in waves and it's always triggered by something and this time it was triggered by me shrinking my jeans in the wash. I know that is so stupid, but you know what I was never taught slash told is that you can't put your jeans in the dryer? Did not know that. So of course, washed all my denims, my lovely Levi's jeans because Levi's are a classic. They're the only jeans I wear. Not sponsored, but please.

And yeah, so I washed all my jeans and then I put them in the dryer because I wanted them to be dry. And then I like, you know, a couple days later I was like, oh, I'm going to put on my favorite blue jeans. My baggy dad jeans from Levi's. They look great. They make my butt look amazing. Couldn't zip them up. Literally could not do them up over my belly, like over my stomach. And I was like, oh my God, I have gained like five kilos in like two days.

How has this happened? like oh my god i've like something is wrong like am i bloated am i pregnant no i'm not pregnant no i'm like all of these like impossible ideas and then i was like god like i've just of course like i'm just not taking care of myself like i've put on all this weight i'm such a failure and i was like holy crap like i don't want to be that 16 year old version of myself again who worried about these things and yet I do. I worry about them all the time as if they really mean something deeper about myself. And so I think that's something I've been really struggling with. And when you don't feel okay in your body, in your vessel, in this like physical form that you inhabit, it's really hard to go out

and live your life as someone who is confident and someone who feels comfortable taking up space. It's something that I struggle with where I'm like, okay, if I'm not having a great day, I feel uncomfortable with my body, I feel ugly. There's some kind of like imperfection on my skin. or my jeans aren't doing up because I put them in the fucking dry. Like, suddenly, the rest of my day is ruined. And I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be observed. I feel less productive.

I feel less useful. I feel like this real intrinsic sense of shame. And I just think that is so, like, something that I wish I could just take away. There are always these things that I think we deal with that we wish we could snap our fingers and never have to deal with again and I think that that body dysmorphia, that sense of insecurity is definitely one of them for me. And then my friend said something really amazing. She, there's my friend, Al, she's on the Two Broke Chicks podcast. If you're not listening to that podcast, it's another really amazing Australian podcast that is incredible. They like talk about

kind of like life advice, but mainly like financial tips for your 20 years and, you know, two broke chicks, they're broken funds, rich in life. I think they're amazing. And Al was like, you need to stop thinking that your clothes carry some kind of social worth. You have to stop thinking that your clothes are there to prove a point about who you are and your value. They are inanimate objects. It is literally just a bunch of fabric sewed together. It means it is nothing deeper than that. It means nothing more than that. All it is, like, I think if you go back to, like, what clothes were originally used for, it's like to shield yourself from the elements. But I think this, like, kind of modern day society, especially one that's, like, completely being, like, co-opted

by social media and social comparison, has made it so that we see things that are normally so, you know, just so basic as clothing as meeting so much more. And she was like, Gemma, you just need to go and buy yourself a new pair of jeans. Like if this is this like thing in your environment, this thing in your life that is making you feel bad, why would you not change that? Like if you were eating a certain food and you kept like having in a logic reaction or it kept making you feel uncomfortable or feel yucky, like you would stop eating that food. If you had a friend in your life who every time you hung out with them was making you feel terrible about yourself again and again and again, you would stop seeing that person if you have this pair of jeans or this dress or these short

or whatever it is, that every time you put on, they make you feel bad about yourself, they make you feel uncomfortable, get rid of those jeans. Like, you have the agency and the responsibility to live a life that is as comfortable as you would like it to be. And that includes feeling a sense of comfort towards your body. Like at the end of the day, and I always try and say this, obviously I probably need to hear this reminder a little bit more. Your body is just a tool. It is just a vessel for your soul and your personality and your values and the love you give yourself and you give others. It is just like a physical being. It's not a representation of your value as a person. It just is. And like obviously you want to treat your body with respect and show it

love. But it really isn't deeper than that. I don't think. And I don't think that how you look should be the biggest determinant of how you act. And I know that's a lot easier said than done. Obviously, I'm saying this from perspective of someone who definitely needs to hear that a little bit more or at least believe it. But I think if you're someone who's struggling with that, know that you are not alone. Know that you are not the only one who is being held back by something that you might, you know, think is silly.

Like I think when we also start being like, oh my God, it's so stupid that I feel this way. That shame is, that, you know, that self-shame of trying to shame ourselves out of a belief is only going to do more harm. So maybe it's comforting to hear that there are so many other people out there who are going through the same thing. I want to finish on, like, some good things. I feel like, maybe I'm just sick and I just, I'm, like, wanting to have a little bit of a complaint. Like, I couldn't go to therapy this week because of my COVID, so I'm, like, using you guys as my therapist. I'm so sorry for the vicarious trauma and the trauma dumping. But I do want to finish with like a few updates of like things that are going well.

I know I spoke about it in my last life update about healthy love, but I've been getting so many questions. Yes, I am really, really in love and I'm still with that person. And maybe I'll talk about it more and maybe I'll have a mom for an episode. But I just want to thank you guys for all your really lovely messages of people being like, I've been listening to you since you were single since you did that episode with your ex. And I think it's so amazing that you found someone. And it is really amazing. It is so amazing to be experiencing what I would call healthy love for the first time.

And we're going to Japan together for a month, which I'm not going to lie, is kind of terrifying me. I've never been overseas with, like, a partner before, with a boyfriend before. Any advice would be amazing. And I think anything that's new is going to cause anxiety and discomfort, especially if you're someone who is anxious like myself. But yeah, we're just super excited to be doing that. We're like, we're going to go skiing. We're going to go obviously to Tokyo.

I really want to go to Disneyland. I don't know if he's convinced, but I'm like, happiest place on Earth. I would love to visit that place at least once. And maybe it won't be as happy. Maybe it will be like overpriced and like hectic and crazy. But I want to have that experience. Also, apparently the food is great. So if you've been to the Tokyo Disneyland, can you let me know?

Is it worth going? It's kind of expensive, but I'm also like, let's live out our inner child fantasies. Like, I always wanted to go to Disneyland when I was a kid. Why not fucking do it? I'm also doing like something really new for the podcast in December. Here is your sneak peek if you have listened this far. All December, we are doing only guest episodes. So it's like 12 days of Christmas, but it's the 12 days of guests.

and I have been hustling hard to get you guys the very best guests, the most informed, most amazing people who can come on the show and talk through some really incredible topics. We're going to be talking about ADHD. We're going to be talking about the medicating for anxiety. We're going to be talking about how you can use confidence to manifest your best life, financial anxiety, so many other things. That's something I'm really looking forward to.

I think treating the podcast as a creative project rather than as a job has really helped me feel less pressure to like always be doing something perfect and always be thinking about like what's next. Treating it as something that I enjoy because I do really enjoy it. And I think talking to other people who have a similar passion for the topics that I want to discuss and that I talk about in my own life is such a valuable part of like, you know, growing this community and making the show as good as a good as. it can be and also making me really happy to be doing it. So, guys, I'm so excited for you to hear these episodes. Like, I just feel like some of the people we have on, they're going to be, like, such a surprise. And they're just so lovely, and they're so informed and they're so passionate. And aren't those people just, like, the best people in the world? I was talking about this with a friend the other day. Like, sometimes you just meet someone and you're like, you just,

like, you just, you're so bright and you're so passionate and meet. And me. And, you just, you're so passionate and meeting someone who is passionate about something, those people are like gold. Those people are like the best people in the world to care so deeply about things that everyone else is going through or things that you're going through, things that are nuanced, things that are hard to explain is just like things that are like beyond you is just like one of the best traits I see in other people. So super pumped about that. Christmas is going to be a freaking bomb. I'm going to be in New York. I'm really hoping it's going to snow. And I guess, you know, I've had a lot to complain about in this episode but I am really happy and I feel like like I said at the start you don't

always have to feel fine and you don't always have to feel like everything in your life needs to be going perfectly for you to feel good and you don't always have to feel like even if everything is going perfectly you're not allowed to still be sad or still have down days so I hope that this episode has served as a reminder to you of that fact thank you for putting up with my sicky COVID voice for this episode if you have made it this far, just part of life, you know, I feel like I knew this was going to happen. The burnout train was coming for me very steadily. It's a good reminder to rest and to let myself take some time off to just actually take care of myself and take care of my health. So thank you so much for coming along for a little catch-up,

but coming along for a candid chat with me about how I'm going and what's going on in my life. of course we will be back regularly scheduled programming on Friday with another amazing episode one that I really want to tell you what it is but you know what we're going to build some suspense be back here on Friday and you'll know what it is that thank you so much for listening as always if you enjoyed this episode please feel free to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts Spotify whatever you are listening right now give us a follow so you can be alerted when new episodes come out. And if you have an episode suggestion, if you have an opinion, if you want to like, just make a little comment, say hi. Please follow us at that psychology podcast. You can see more stuff

behind the scenes, some video clips, whatever. What's going on? What's going on in the podcast life? In the podcast sphere, I'm rambling. I'm talking absolute shit right now. Maybe it's time for me to go. So thank you so much again. And we will be back on Friday with another episode. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO% on the IHeart Radio app, Apple

podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On The Look Back at it podcast. In 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me. I'm Sam Jay. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors.

Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to Look Back at it on the IHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway

with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability

that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice in so much. I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing.

Greg Gillespie and Michael Ranini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.