The Psychology of your 20s - 16. BONUS EPISODE: Love Line

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

We answer some of your pressing love questions and conundrums alongside some special guests - Jack and Meg!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world.

Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO. percent on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me.

I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people.

Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that doesn't. not mean that you need to listen to learn the hard way on the aha radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast

hello and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s the podcast where we discuss the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology so today it's a kind of a different episode I've got some special guests joining me shortly Meg and Jack some nearest and dearest friends of mine. We're going to do a slightly different episode today. It's a loveline episode. We ask you to send in your love queries, conundrums, problems, questions. With our combined wisdom, we decided to answer some of them.

So I really hope you enjoy listening to us spill some wisdom into your headphones or speakers or however you're listening. Also, don't forget to subscribe if you're listening right now. So you know when new episodes get posted. And a really great way to help this podcast grow is to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps the podcast grow. So if you feel cool to leave a review, I'd obviously feel very grateful. But with that being said, I hope you guys enjoy the episode.

And if you want us to do more like this, let us know. Meg is here. Meg, the Uniting Force of Meg. It's her first time on the podcast, Meg. How are you feeling about that? I'm a bit nervous. I'm a bit nervous, but I feel like I'm with two podcast experts now, and I really enjoyed your episode, so I'm glad to join the mix.

Yeah, we've been wanting to do this for a while. I think this is a much better idea than the ideas that we had previously, because it's like we're going to answer people's questions. I feel like you two are very good bestowers of wisdom. Oh, thank you. It's a little bit more guided, too. I have clearer expectations. Yeah.

Yeah. So basically today's episode is a loveline episode, where, and I had to kind of explain this to you guys what this was. So basically, I posted on a few platforms and was like, send in your love queries and conundrums, and then us three 20-year-olds, people in our 20 is going to provide you expert advice. So if you did send something in, like,

please keep your expectations low because we're not qualified. We're not experts. We're not experts. But who is in life? That's really wise. Yeah. Meg, maybe. Meg's pretty.

Meg's pretty good or Ben Shapiro Yeah Ben Shapiro Jordan Pearson as well Yeah He's my fame He's pretty He's pretty

Joe Rogan Tim Ferriss Oh yeah Tim Ferriss too Joe Rogan Tim Ferriss All of my faves Yeah Just Tim Joe

The fellas The fellas Yeah Does Ben have a podcast Ben Shapiro Definitely I don't know what it is What straight man like that

Doesn't have a podcast True And here I am I am I'm trying to diversify Yeah, no, break it up. Break it up. It's good.

So basically people send in their love things that are going on in their love lives and we like discuss it and try and provide explanations and advice. And we got quite a few responses. We got like 13, 14 people. And we had a little read of them already. But now it's time to get into it. Sounds good. What's your love wisdom to start off with?

Should we all go around and say our love wisdom? I don't have much love wisdom. Well, you got a riff. Riff it off. Okay, we'll riff. Yeah. I'd be open about that. My favourite piece of love wisdom is live, laugh, love.

Yes, that's a good one. Maybe that could be... Oh, I thought this was a serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live, love, that's fantastic. It is serious, Jack. Yeah, that is. Yeah.

I'm a white woman, of course. I'm serious, but that. Wait, who's live, who's laugh and who's love? And tag yourself. Yeah, tag yourself. You'll definitely laugh. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

You'd be loved, Jim. Oh, thanks. And you'll live. You'll live. Yeah. Oh, this is nice. So we're getting the tattoos. I'll throw another one out there.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we'll get it on our wrists or like our fingers. We all come together. It joins up. Wait, but I actually don't think this is a bad idea. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's do it with pencil first.

Love. You can always change our mind. Temporary tattoos. They give me allergic reactions, though. I can't even get a temporary tattoo. Maybe that's your love advice. Oh, that's good. That's good.

Oh my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That's a good start. There we go. Well, mine's eat prey, love. Oh, good, good, good. I watched that movie in India when I was finding myself. You watched Eat, Pray, Love, the version with what's having?

Julie Roberts. It was fantastic. Because the prey part was in India, and it was really cool. Oh, they were praying in India. And I was in an Ashroom when I saw it. Was it realistic? Yeah, it was really realistic. Oh, that's nice.

I had no idea. Anyway, it was quite cool. Wow. Well, now you guys have all summarized it in three words, but I don't think I can. We'll try. I am trying. Love, love you too. That's my love advice.

Love you too. Because I feel like that's what you... Nice try, buddy. I know, I'm trying. What's that name? What's that name? You know when you start a sentence? Yeah.

When you are... When you... When you... When you... yeah love you too love you too no no no no that is nice it's like reciprocal

makes it's like don't be temporary mind's reciprocal jacks is that he found himself in India and that's why he doesn't need love exactly yeah I'm so happy yeah no I'm just pretty spiritual

just getting in touch with myself right now yeah I'm just working on myself yeah that was what I said literally Meg before he came in and I was like to Jack I was like yeah this has been fun

but I really need some time by myself. Yeah. Like, desperately. They're cliches, but they're true, aren't they? Yeah. Sometimes you do need to that. I need some alone time. Yeah.

I've had enough. Yeah. I was going to quote Justin Bieber, because he's the king of good marriages, as we know. And I was going to say, you should go and love yourself. And I think that's, yeah. That's good, yeah.

I don't know about that one. Justin Beaver, it doesn't fit in with me. Yeah. I'm a Taylor Swift stand. Okay. Of course. What's a quote from Taylor Swift? She's got a lot of whiskey.

Oh my God, so much. Oh my God. Recent lyric that I've been obsessed with. Two. I'm sorry if you're listening to this and you have no interest in this. But one of them is you kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath. And that's just like, oh my God, how sad is that? That's really sad.

And just between us did the love affair mean you two. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Very tragic. But not really a happy love. It's intimate, isn't it? Songwriting. That's not even the...

There's like not even the best bit, the juiciest bit. Yeah, right. But anyhow, those are my favorite lyrics from the new version of All Too World, Taylor Switch version. Jake. Okay, we already got into Taylor Switch and we're six minutes in. Can we talk about how Jake Gyllenhaal is the most hated man in America in the world? You can. What love advice would you give Jake Gyllenhael right now?

I know. You'd be having a tough time if he's not in a relationship. Return the skull. Like imagine, imagine getting outed like that. Yeah. for doing what he did. Stop finding your girlfriends at high schools. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. I think that's a good one for everyone that isn't in high school. Yeah. Just across the bone. Jake Gyllenhaal in particular, but also all human beings. Yeah. Unless you are also in high school.

Yeah. In which case, go for your life. Yeah. In which case, don't date someone who's not in high school. Yeah, yeah. The Venn diagram, there is no overlap. Yeah. It's two circles.

It's true. Yeah, that's funny. It's true. Yeah. That was a really good, that was really solid advice. Thank you. My advice would be, um, show up at your girlfriend's 21st birthday party. Yeah.

When you said that you were going to go. Yeah. Just standards. Standards. Standards stuff, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. 21st is coming up guys.

So if my, if my future boyfriend is listening, yeah, be there. Listen up, bitch. Or I'll write a hate album about you. Yeah. It was not a hate album. It was a heart album. Sorry. It was a hard album.

That was so, I literally, I literally, making the eye just in an eye. He was like, it was not an eight album thing. Well, if your boyfriend doesn't show up, I'll do like a full rendition of the moment I knew for you. Yeah. How he won't show up to her 21st birthday party.

And if one of us doesn't show up. Oh, yeah. We will. We will. Because I don't want to deal with the drama that Jake's going through right now. Yeah. So do we want to look at some of the questions that have been sent to us by our lovely friends and people that we know?

So. Yeah. Sorry, I don't have my phones. So, well, how about we use makes phone? Well, I have 1%

so I'm also not going to be that much use, but, Jack's phone is literally right behind him. Yeah, sorry.

When he says he doesn't. Well, yeah, I didn't want to, because I'm doing a podcast, I wanted to be in the zone, so I didn't want to get distracted by messages.

So I put it behind me. Oh, that's really smart. Yeah. Yeah. But now. But no, we can use mine.

So, okay, just a quick thing. So I screenshoted all of them and they're all anonymous. Because I had a feeling that like, we obviously know some of the same people.

Yeah, yeah. And like some of them would have been submitting and we would have known. Yeah, absolutely. So. Go on, Meg. Meg, gets to choose the first one. I actually, I know this one is kind of a joke, but the question, the guy I am dating is actually nice, question mark. Is this for real?

There's lots of capitalization in there. I think that's a really interesting question to unpack, actually. Yeah, I agree. Jack, I don't know if you have alternative thoughts on this, but I think there's like a tendency to, like, when you expect the worst from people, you have had the worst from people. Yeah.

You want to create that situation for yourself, if that makes sense. So like there is actually nothing bad in the situation, but you've created, like you are so unwilling to believe that there is anything good that you're going to manifest this, like, weird, bad situation that doesn't actually exist.

I've seen so many people do it now. And I think it's like such a process to actually be like, okay, well, maybe this person is just nice. And we can accept that at face value. Yeah, absolutely. It's like you become comfortable with the idea of like them, of people not treating you well. And then when they don't treat you well,

you're like, that actually gives me anxiety. Yeah. Because this is not what I've been accustomed to. Yeah. So it's like really strange. Yeah, yeah. Or there's a, I think that, and there can sometimes be a suspicion about it when past,

experiences have been bad. Definitely. And I think that almost leads to you not being a nice person. Like I would say when you're, when you're expecting the worst of somebody. Yeah. And that's what sort of you're internalizing, but you're spending all this time with this person,

but you're wanting them to be awful. Yeah. How could you give, like how could you be the best for them? It's like quite interesting. But it's also about like unlearning. I think the big thing here is that like in your 20s, you're going to have like shit relationships.

Yeah. people who are going to treat you badly. Yeah. And I think that what happens is when you meet someone who's actually nice, it's like you have to unlearn all the patterns that allowed you to kind of like survive. That time in which you were like, oh, this is what I deserve. Yeah. And it's like almost adjusting your entire self-concept to this new standard of like how you should be treated.

Yeah. And it's like so almost like uncomfortable because it also means that you have to sit back and be like, oh my God, that whole time that was being. treated really badly. I actually probably didn't deserve that. But I tolerated it. Yeah. And it's like having to sit back with yourself and be like, wow, that can be like a really uncomfortable moment. Yeah, definitely. So that's cool. Create the anxiety around it. Yeah. I think I've been quite lucky. I don't think I've had any relationships where I've been treated badly. Do you think it's more of a gendered thing or maybe? But I also, I don't even think you have to

have had it. I think if you have an anxiety, whether it's like been from a previous friendship or or, you know, like, an argument with a parent or whatever, a sibling falling out or whatever, and you have that sort of expectation of people who I care about, don't care about me, or, and it can just be, like, I honestly think, like, I mean, I'm not a psychologist, I don't have to. Because I definitely am.

Yeah, you know, like people who are born with particular sort of propensities for, I don't know, like anxiety around their social relationships or whatever, like the actually accepting, okay, well, this is a person who, I care about and they're actually just nice and there's nothing inherently like cooked about them or something that I have to worry about and just like accepting that could actually be a really big thing and I think if you don't then you're just going to be like creating a different relationship in your head to the one that actually exists yeah it's quite yeah like you can't change someone else's behavior but you can change your like expectations yeah and it couldn't mean

improving your expectations and being yeah actually this is like this is like this new level. Yeah. It is important. Yeah. And there are nice guys out there. There are. Yeah.

And nice women. And nice. And nice. Not buying people. Yeah. Nice people. Yeah. In the world.

There are very nice people. Yeah. But it's funny when you meet one and you're like, oh, like, this is what I deserve. Yeah. Yeah. Really shocking. Because it's, and it also can leave you.

Like, I think a lot of times people have, like, we were saying this tendency to like self sabotage. Yeah. And be like, I actually don't deserve this. Like, this must be a mistake. Yeah. Or you're lying or. Or you're lying.

Or, This can't be real, so I'm looking for the thing that's wrong about this because there must be one. And I don't think that always has to be the case. Or even if it is, I don't think it's like, even if it ends up that that person wasn't very nice two years down the track, I don't think you can go that whole two years waiting for that moment to arrive. Yeah. Or like for something to switch. Yeah. I'm often in that state where I'm like, well, what's next?

Like, when's it's going to chop? And sometimes you like push them a little bit to be like, I'm sick of waiting. Like just show me your bad side now so I can get over it and decide and then we can move on. Yeah, yeah. Kind of sad almost. Not ideal. Not ideal, but whoever that person was, obviously I know who it was, but I'm glad that you're happy in your relationship. Yes.

Yeah. And also your nice doesn't have to be everybody else's nice, I think, is the thing. And this is like a whole other thing, but I think there's a tendency, especially in like a place like Canberra where everyone kind of knows each other. and it's a very insular sort of community of 20-something-year-olds who are all very connected to be like, okay, well, this person was really, like, I really hated them and they were really awful to me and blah, blah, blah, blah, and it just didn't work out.

But that person might, you might have been awful for each other, and that's like, it doesn't necessarily mean it will be the same thing for another person. And this whole sort of thing of like, oh, they were really awful. So, like, you know, I can't be with them because they must not be nice. But it's people have different standards and different, like, yeah, metric.

And maybe they like that. new person a bit more and are like willing to change their behavior yeah yeah but I remember like I don't know if you said this to me or maybe we said it in like a discussion but it's like no one I thought maybe some I think some people are but in general people aren't inherently toxic or bad they just have friction with each other yeah and it's like you know the wrong person for you might act like the perfectly right person for someone else yeah definitely just like huge anyhow Congratulations to this person.

It is. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, very exciting. Very exciting. Okay. This is a nice one actually. My ex reach out and wants to have a closure chat, but I have fully moved on.

What should I do? Should I chat with her or just say I'm not interested? What should this person do? You don't owe your ex shit. You owe them nothing. I'm sorry, like that might be controversial. Yeah. You don't owe them fucking anything.

I think that's, I completely agree. I think it depends on what you want to get out of the next phase, you know, of the dynamic between you two. I think it's a really, really good way to make sure things unawcored between you two. And a good way to even have a friendship with them if you want that. Like I'm good friends with one of my exes from high school and I'm very happy for that friendship. And I'm glad that we did have that closure chat. which happened quite a while after actually um so it depends a while after being the fact that you guys probably had already moved on yeah both of you

yeah yeah oh yeah it was like a month two months or something oh okay that's nice yeah yeah um so yeah no it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have with them but then also it's important i think if you if the relationship was nasty and you don't want to take yourself back to that place don't do it because it could be really bad for you yes that's true I also think you get into a habit of like having repeated closure chats. Yeah. Yeah, true. And then it's like, oh, but I have all these unanswered questions.

You're probably never, this is perhaps we're giving advice to the person who's asking for the closure chat. But it's kind of like you're never actually going to get an answer. Like, you just have to move on. Yeah. Like, human behavior is entirely irrational. There's like absolutely no explanation and coherent narrative that's going to explain why your relationship ended. Yeah. And there's a point where I can get rid of.

healthy as well when you like want to ask questions that aren't there and it can just be bad for you yeah i had that i was like you know when you're really hurt it makes sense that you're like i need an answer i need an answer but they're never going to give you an answer and it just can really delay it's satisfying yeah yeah never one you know you've already decided what you wanted to hear and they're never going to say that so i would say don't don't have the closure chat just be like i don't think it's the right time for us give her some chance to like actually heal and And it's yeah, it sounds like by the fact that this person is asking the question they probably Don't feel like they want to have the chat. Yeah, well the whole thing is as well like there's so many it there's many dimensions to this question. Yeah

So I think the first thing is like obviously that there's like in equity in the playing fields, right? Because you've got somebody who's like evidently not over a feel that they haven't closed that door and then someone who feels that they have. Yeah. And then that's where the issue stem from. I think if you're both in the same place about. the situation. I think if you're both coming from an equal place of, you know, I'm a little bit hurt, but I'd like to have this conversation because I'd like to build a friendship with you or because I'd like to whatever. I think that's fine, right? But if it's like, you know that you're going to walk into that conversation and be interrogated for answers that you can't give. Well, then that's weird. Yeah. But I think if you did want to do it, I think it would then be really important to set boundaries, like a really clear expectations of this is what I want to get out of this. What do you want to get out of this.

So that way there's like an end to those expectations, which is really clinical and like gross. But I think it's like, it's one of those things where it's sort of like, okay, I'm going to have this conversation which is going to be difficult for me. I, you know, like my favorite one is like, you know, you book somewhere to go afterwards. So like if you're going to be having this difficult conversation, you like, I've got to be somewhere at 3.30. So I have an hour.

And that way things don't drag on or get unnecessarily. weird it's sort of like there's an end um and if you set out start what you want to cover in that time which is really weird it's like an agenda for like a work meeting but if you set out what you want to cover and you have to be somewhere it can't drag on or get weird or like oh we didn't finish so we have to catch up again it's like no i have an hour um yeah that's so yeah that's actually such good solid advice thanks i think the other issue with like um closure chats is that often And it can mean that that person is actually looking for you to be their emotional support. Yeah.

Through the breakup. Like, because if they're looking to you for the closure count, yeah, it might just be that they really do need an answer. Yeah. You've cheated on them. Or if something, if you've done it out of the blue, perhaps you do probably owe them an explanation if you can't about this person. But it's also like, I need to have this closure chat. Not because I need answers, but because I actually need you to provide me with some emotional support. Yeah.

Because it's like you've gone from dating this person, then being that you're everything to going through something that is really hard, that naturally you would actually lean on that person for. Yeah. And so, like, I definitely, I did this in my, I felt my last relationship where I was like, oh my God, I'm so hurt, but the only person I want to talk about it with is you. Yeah.

So, like, and I think he was probably on the same page. Yeah. So it's like, we'll just talk about it together. Yeah. Well, now, like, the closure chat has just, like, meant that we never really truly, like, moved on or stopped communicating. Yeah.

Because if someone, like, ran over you with a car or something and you ended up in hospital, right? Very extreme example, but you wouldn't go to them and be like, can you sit with me in hospital? Like, you know, I just need you there. Like, it makes no sense. And it's like, if someone has actively really hurt you,

why, like, why is it logical for you to be like? Why do you expect them to have the answer? They're the ones who hurt you. Yeah, yeah. But for the person who asks this question, I'd say probably don't do it. Or if you do take makes advice. It's like clear expectation.

And have somewhere to go. Yeah. Look a spa day. A good, yeah, mutual meeting place. A spa day. Did you say? No, not with the person. Like afterwards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually get couples massages. I talk about it. Yeah, neutral meeting place is good. Like coffee, coffee place is fantastic. In public. It's weird if they cry.

Yeah, yeah. True, true. My God, you guys are brutal at this. What does she need some tears? I don't know. Can I ask the next question? Yeah, yeah, do it, do it. Wait, from your brain or from the sheet?

I don't remember them. Go for it. Okay. Like, if you can ask one as well, if you, we all can oh here's a really good one okay in your ex

oh no I feel like I want to do that one later okay I'm in a situation ship with this guy who won't commit what should I do I think I love him ooh I have no advice to offer on this

okay hold on can you read it again yeah let me find it I'm in a situation ship with this guy who won't commit yeah what should I do I think I love him

red flag dump hands Yeah, I think... Oh, that's, that's... Yeah, yeah. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, that's so sad, though. I'm sorry.

I have been in so many situationships. I feel like... You see, yeah, I think you're only one. Maybe you a little bit. We've been in a situation ship? Do you know what this is? If you, yeah, I know what a situation is. Yeah, yeah.

It's like you're not in a relationship, but you're doing. No, a few small ones, yeah, but nothing crazy. Yeah. But it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's really tough because I think it depends on what the parameters are. And I think, the parameters are almost always, hey, I'm not looking to get into a relationship. I don't want to commit.

But then they tease you with it. Spending time with you sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think, I actually agree. I think that you need to set up really clear boundaries about what you're looking for. And if it's not the same thing, they are not going to change their mind.

Yeah. They're not going to change their mind. They're not going to fall in love with you. Or even if they do, like the situations that I've seen where they do change their mind later on, it becomes this constant, like, resentment of like, I didn't want to be in a relationship and I'm like in this relationship because you wanted me to do this.

And it's this weird. Like I just, oh, yuck. Yeah, no, that's a good point. That's a good point. I think, um, yeah, I think it's important to like, I guess, be open with how you feel, but then not to pressure them into anything. Yeah. Because the boundaries are probably already set.

Just good communication. Yeah, that being said, it sounds like they're probably already talked about this. Yeah. Maybe have been shut down, which. Well, the other thing, which I always say come up. is people so like what kind of what you were saying gem about like it's someone like they say they don't want a relationship but then they kind of indicate that they do and then they don't and then they do and then they don't and then so you get into this situation where you're like oh

well they will because they've said that they might or they said they could and it's just like sort of and again it builds shaky foundations right it really does like they don't know what they want I think is what you take out of that and that's not a bad thing it's genuinely they don't know whether they want a relationship or not. And if you know that that's what you want, well then you have different expectations. Yeah, so right. Yeah, exactly. And I think if they're not there and they're not on the same page as

you and they don't want to commit to anything, you just, like, as sad as it is and as terrible as it will be, you have to get out of that because otherwise you'll be, you're trapped in a situation where you're intimate with someone that you love, that you know, doesn't love you back. And that sucks. I feel really, I feel really bad for this,

Obviously I know who this person is, but I feel, because I, like, I, and I'm not trying to be like, I feel really bad for you. Yeah. Because I feel like that's weird. But, like, I think the other important thing to realize is that, like, if they wanted to, they would. If they wanted to be in a relationship with you, they would be in a relationship with you. Yeah. And it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Yeah.

Yeah. If they aren't ready. And to be honest, they're going to fucking probably regret it. Like, if you have this, like, very beautiful feeling for them that is, like, really precious and pure. and you have to see the best parts of someone else to feel that way. And they're saying no, take that and give it to someone who really deserves it. And I bet you, I bet you some good money that in a few months, a few years' time, that person's going to still be thinking about you being like, damn.

Yeah. Like that person really cared about me and I just like didn't. That sounds a bit toxic. Also, like, you know. But move on because you won't find that person that you'll be able to, you know, share that love with until you move on from this person. who clearly doesn't want that right now. Yeah. And it ends up hurting you.

Yeah, totally. It's so much to say. It's sort of like you have to do some like damage control for yourself. And like maybe if you're a person who just gets over those kinds of things really quickly and just moves on with their lives, okay, fair like full steam ahead. Like do whatever you want. Like live your life. Like get some good creative story inspiration.

Yeah. But I think like you have to sort of be like, okay, well, this person is flip-flopping. even if they do decide that they do want a relationship somewhere down the track, this whole period where like you've been chasing them sets up this weird power dynamic in your relationship, which is just going to persist for the duration of the relationship. And you're just like setting yourself up for a crap situation, regardless of whether it goes, if it turns into a relationship or not. And that's just really sad.

That's so true. And it's like there are people who are not like that out there in the world that would be so much better and more lovely and wonderful. Yeah. And we'd appreciate you. Yeah. Because you deserve better. You deserve much better than that.

Oh, yeah. And it's, although they might not have necessarily done anything wrong, you deserve to be in a better situation. Totally. That's so true. And like I'm sorry that you're in that situation

because I like know what that feels like and it really, really sucks. And you're just sitting there being like, is this not enough? And you are enough for the right person. And this person obviously isn't the right person. Yeah.

Well, they're not enough for you. Yeah, they're not enough for you. Your expectations are higher than what they want. It's like the exact opposite is they're not meeting your expectations. Yeah, like you're actually the one. Yeah, you're so right. Like, it's not like, oh my God, like I'm not good enough for them. It's like, no, like if they're not going to meet you.

And obviously, it's not like they're a demon, they're a devil, they're a villain. Like, if they've set up clear expectations and somehow you've kind of lost your way a little bit, it is kind of your responsibility to be like, okay, well, they were really open with me about what they wanted. If they were open with you. And I think it's a different question if they were gaslighty and glorious, which I know you hate the word gaslighting. I know, but in the situation it kind of is like that.

I hope that's enough. Good luck. Yeah, Jack wants to move to a new question. Yeah, I love it. I love it. This is so fun. Yeah, are you liking it? What's the next question, Jack?

The next one we could do. Okay, we got, okay, here we go. This is a friendship one. Yeah. Oh, spice it up. I feel like I've lost a lot of friends and drifted from people during lockdown. I feel like people hate me and don't want to be around me. How do I make new friends?

Can I read it? Yeah. Aw. So, okay, I think there's kind of, it's, it feels like a two-parter. Yeah. It feels like that they're, you feel, you feel very disconnected from your current friends and you feel like you've drifted from them and maybe you feel like you've done something to do. that or partly responsible and then there's how do I make new friends yeah yeah and or regend, I think jem is one of the best people I know making new friends.

Wow big calls so we got you covered well I think if you think that people hate you you probably shouldn't be around them yeah well this is what I was going to say is like because I think I've had a similar experience with this where I sort of felt like I lost touch with a lot of people and tried to sort of rekindle those friendships and was like, I feel like these people hate me. And I think if you interrogate that feeling a little bit more and you're like, okay, well, maybe I actually, they don't hate me. Maybe I'm insecure about this friendship because it doesn't feel quite right. And I think sort of like interrogating that a little bit more and like sort of thinking about,

well, why is it that I feel this way and like what is communicating that feeling to me? And sometimes I found like, I'm like, you know, I don't know, like to my. my mom and sort of like, oh, someone so hates me. And she's like, why do you think that? And I was like, I don't know. Like, I just feel like that today. Yeah. I'm like, oh, like, well, actually, I think that they don't like me because they said this thing

that I just really hate or. And then I'm like, okay, well, I don't, I don't want that friendship anymore. Yeah. Because, you know, that whatever they're doing that makes me feel like I hate them is, yeah. And I think, yeah, use it as a growth opportunity. Like, clearly, clearly you didn't value your friends enough and maybe your friends didn't value you enough to stay connected during lockdown. One thing lockdown taught me was that I figured out who I really want to spend time with

during lockdown and used it as an opportunity to be like, well, maybe I can have better friends. That sounds kind of toxic. Quality over quantity. But like better friends and let's make some new friends and develop new connections. Yeah. And set your intentions really clearly with what you want out of your new friends and then go for it. Yeah.

And also, like, so this is a quote that like Sam, my friend Sam, friend of the show. I love a good show. Friend of the show. My beautiful friend Sam in Melbourne, he has said to me before, and it's kind of, I've said it on the podcast before, like if you're not losing friends, you're not growing. Yeah. And I do think that's really true because there was also that saying people in your life for a reason

a season or a lifetime. And I think that it's important to be like, firstly, it might not be that they hate you. it might just be that you are a bit socially anxious because you haven't seen people for a while. And in that case, it's always better just to be like, what's up? Let's talk about it. And like, I never do this. But I wish that I did. So there's my advice.

And if they, like Meg was saying, if they're giving you the eke or making you feel like you're not appreciated, it's better to be like alone than to be in the company of people who make you feel lonely. Yeah. Like, I really, I think that is so important. Yeah. sometimes you lose friends and sometimes you lose a lot of friends all at once and it just means you have so much more opportunity

to put yourself in situations where you can make like I had this where I had like a mass exodus almost and then I just was like this is like a really good sign that I need to like I've changed these people have changed in their own ways we haven't changed in the same direction it's time to find people who suit this part of me now this new version of my life

and I think I think it's like in your 20s you're friends with people who you either work with, who you know from high school and university, or who you have shared hobbies and experiences with. Or who you live with, yeah. And so I think it's getting into a shared experience or a shared hobby is a fantastic way to do it. So like find your hobby. It's really, you'll make some really good friends.

Yeah. I do theater a bit. I've made some fantastic friends through that. And it's really, really special, even if you won't know them for your whole life. you will know them for like a really interesting and fun set time. Yeah. And it makes you feel less only. It makes you feel staying.

Yeah. Yeah. And would you say similar things? Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think it's like it's good once you start developing most separate circles of friends. Because it's also like you're not going to be stoked with every single one of your friends at every single point in time.

Oh, yeah. Like I think, you need some space to move around. And I was a bit of, I was a bit weird in first year. I'm sure. Yeah, so was I've heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all a bit weird. Yeah, no, I think the other thing that I will say, though, is that just because you've lost

touch during lockdown doesn't inherently mean that you shouldn't be friends with those people anymore because I think I've certainly done this. Like, I, like, probably when I went home for lockdown last year, I didn't talk to people for like months at a time. And that wasn't a product of, you know, the fact that I didn't want to be friends with those people anymore. It's sort of like, there are some people who are. really good at texting and staying in touch and

FaceTiming and then there are people who that doesn't quite work for them or you know it feels you know I don't know and I think that's you know but you also should try and work on that I think is something that is the other thing is sort of being like okay well I didn't talk to people for an extended period of time that's now I'm feeling crap about that

so next time when this if you know there's a lockdown again or you go on an overseas holiday you start a new job or you move cities yeah that's something to kind of push a little bit more and I would say that this time during lockdown I've made a bit more of an effort. Yeah, yeah. And I think you sort of, you go through it once and you're like,

oh, well, you know, I could have done X, Y, Z better. And you're like, you know, no, those, these really are people. There are friends that I didn't stay in touch with in lockdown who I really do want to stay in touch with. And just reach out, just be like. Yeah, yeah. And if they're good friends, I'll understand, right? Yeah.

And also I think that people are going through their own shit. Yeah, during lockdown. During lockdown. Like, I lost my granddad during lockdown and, like, had other things happen. And it was like, it's not a really. reflection on the people I didn't keep in touch with. It's more of like, I'm just overwhelmed. Yeah.

And it's like, I just can't do the same. Like, I don't have as much space and places to go to recharge. Yeah, I have my house. But, Meg, you did do a much better job. I remember when first lockdown, you hermitted hard. Yeah. She really took the order very seriously. In a good way.

And then this lockdown, you were like really good about it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's sort of being like, okay, well, calling people feels a little bit weird for me. So I'm like, okay, well, this time I could go and walk so people. Yeah, I could. We did FaceTime. Yeah, yeah, play games and like, do, like, you know, that sort of thing. I found a lot more fun.

So I think it's sort of, yeah, it's a learning experience. Yeah. It's kind of cringe, but yeah. Yeah. We got another question here. It's actually a statement. There's no question involved. My boyfriend likes rock climbing more than me.

That's it. Yeah, that's it. I think, I think, honey, you've got to be the paper in his world. I'm feeling very advice, Sage. You've got to be the paper that beats the rocks. I think you've got to step it up. No. Oh, again, I know who wrote this, Jack.

Oh, is it bad? No, it's fine. Who wrote it? Places this paper rock with him. Yeah. And if you get paper, he has to stop going, rock. Yeah. Just like, you know what?

Also, it's good that your boyfriend has a hobby. Yeah. It's good that he has a hobby. And that it's an exercise. Oh. True. true because I play games as a hobby yeah you play video games no I know that's that's so I'm saying and then we see you and it's like I'm like have you been crying and you're like

no I've just been playing video yeah it could be it could be worse rock climbing is a cool hobby yeah yeah and I also think men are really bad and just this is a broad generalization a sweeping generalization but young men are really bad at like building healthy routines and healthy lifestyles and being like okay well when I sit and play video games for eight hours straight that makes me feel kind of gross and like I never never feel good

no no you don't but you're quite good with like going to the gym and stuff like that and it's about like yeah yeah and doing your theatre and like you know it's going to work and having like a routine that gives you lots of space to grow and do other things and keep stimulated and you know and so I feel like a hobby is good

yeah but if he likes rock climbing more than he likes you Yeah You know, relationships grow over time Maybe go rock climbing with him Or at least just hang out With him at the rocks Yeah Do they go rock climbing together?

I can't divulge personal information About this person Fair, fair, fair But they don't So But I feel like Also, it's okay if you have two separate If you have separate lives

That's really good Yeah, true It's actually really good Because you can use that A space to be like Okay well I'm gonna go and climb rocks and things and think about my feelings yeah yeah and just decompress um and then yeah spend quality time together also rocks don't have a pulse yeah that's that's important that's a tattoo

yeah yeah i don't know yeah rocks rocks don't have a pulse um rocks don't have a pulse you have a pulse write that on your wall yeah rocks don't have affirmation yeah rocks don't have a pulse i have a pulse Also, this is super niche, but it also makes gifting really easy. Oh, random. Just give them a rock. Yeah. Clive this. Climb this fucker.

Yeah, but there's so much stuff to get around rock climb, isn't there? Little gloves and things. Yeah, yeah. You ropes. I love the little pouches with the chalk in them. Yeah. You guys obviously. I have a little face.

Gloves. Little shoes. Yeah, the shoes are cool. It's great gifting. Yeah. Yeah, protein bars for when they... Yeah. After the rocks.

Yeah. Or mid rock. Yeah. Or mid rock. There's so much to unpack here. And I'm glad we have. Mid rock. Jack, you're moving through these questions.

I mean, yeah, I don't know. I just like it. What was that conclusion on that one? Our conclusion is... Well, it started with be the paper to the rock. And it's just... But what are we ending on? Yeah.

I feel like as long as he's not like sleeping on the rocks or like, I don't know, sleeping with the rocks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That would be bad for him. Is it, I mean, you know who wrote,

is it a genuine concern? I think it is. Okay, okay. Oh, no. Okay, yeah. I think it's semi. Okay, well, yeah, as long as he's not,

fooling around with the rocks. I think, I think, it should be right. Yeah, yeah, I think it could be a thing. It's set boundaries around the rocks about how much he can go rock climbing. Yeah, and how much,

Yeah, how much time. He should be climbing you instead. Yeah, yeah, well put. Well, yeah, because you don't want to get into a stage where he's one of those people that are sleeping with the rocks where they pitch. Hold's a tent. Oh, that, okay, I'm sorry. Because that's a bit much. And that's just dangerous.

It's scary for you when he's doing that. Also, if you think that he likes rocks more than he likes you, you should watch that documentary with that Alex Holland guy. where he like he like has this beautiful girlfriend he's like I love you I want to start a family with you and he's like I want to summit one of the tallest mountains in the world without using a harness sorry baby if I die and he does it

See that's a bit much right Yeah that would be sad That's a different story You don't want to get to that point where Yeah He's one of those rock people Yeah Just like a

I'm just to get those little rock things in Frozen You know that's so cute Yeah that's cute That's what your babies will look like there's little rock things. I don't know. He's like illegitimate children. Yeah.

And sorry for calling you honey at the start. I wasn't trying to be patronizing. I just felt very sage. He's very motherly. Yeah. Don't worry, King. Thanks, thanks, James. Shut up, King.

Thanks. I got called King ironically, unironically the other day. It was quite funny. Who did that? Just someone, yeah, it was. My favorite thing to be doing, I was telling one of my friends this the other day, my favorite thing is to go on like Instagram lives of like, guys doing like who are like DJs and be like we love a short king yeah I see what their

reaction yeah I saw it on TikTok and I started doing it yeah I like using yeah superstar yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah champ hey yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or or muscles is a classic one you get from from like from like your uncles when you when you're playing rugby start playing rugby yeah yeah yeah that was my experience with muscles yeah yeah don't worry muscles you still got it oh um okay I'm So our next question, it's a really big one. Lots to unpack here. So this anonymous question asking human said, my girlfriend and I broke up, but I miss her mom.

Pretty sure mom misses me too. Yeah. What do? I assume that was, what should I do? I think the starting point, I'm going to recommend a song called Stacey's mom. Yeah. Oh my God. I think it might be good text to.

to look at. Yeah. A good, there's some homework for you, some reading. Yeah, yeah. Or if you can't rebuild connections with her mom,

like say it, you know, you, yeah, you know, that's fine. I would suggest setting your age range higher on Tinder.

Yeah. I think you'll meet plenty of new friends. Oh, you have a lot of mummy figures to replace the old one. I also think that like, you know, the girlfriend gets the mom in the breakup. Yeah.

You don't get, it's her mom. Yeah. It's her mom. Yeah. At the end of the day, she didn't love you as much as she loved her daughter. Yeah, at the end of the day, it is, it is her mom and that's final, more or less. But if you need the milf energies.

Yeah. Because there's plenty of moms out there. There's plenty of moms out there that, you know, that have daughters that you didn't go out with or have sons that you didn't go out with. Yeah. And I think, channel that, hone into that. Yeah. Yeah. Stop projecting, babe.

Yeah. You need to chill. also does her mom miss you probably not so maybe you need to dude i i think yeah yeah well you could just find a new girlfriend who mothers you

yeah that's a hot tip that's true that's true that's true yeah yeah find find a girlfriend with mothery mothery energy there's plenty of them but dude i'm such a mothery girlfriend me too yeah i was gonna say we can't talk we can't say shit the queen of i'm i'm mother even the guys i'm not in a relationship with. It's ridiculous. I'm teaching someone

how to fucking drive right now. What was more mummy energy than that? That's very mummy energy. I know. Yeah, that exceeds my mom energy. Yeah. I've never been that fatherly.

You've never been a poem. From when you called the question Ask a Honey before. Yeah, that was, was that fatherly? That was your peak fatherly. Honey. I've been told I'd be a good dad.

You'd be such a good dad. I'd love to be a dad. Aw, you'd be so much fun. Yeah. If I've had kids, you can be there like, not their dad but like the godfather

okay okay godfather yeah well for any pod listeners who are looking who we're missing their ex's dad you have a oh he's daddy to henna feel free to give advice

or play Lego I love with the kids I do I do like I just love playing with my little cousins that are kids they're so fun to hang out with and cute it's really cute

and I want to I'm keen to do all the kid things that I did when I was a kid one of my dad go. Yeah, that's the only reason you want to, you want to read the well, like, introducing them to all this cool stuff like Star Wars. Yeah, how do I know you were going to say Star Wars? Yeah, and Lego and like Batman and Star video games. All the Marvel movies. I'm so keen. That would be really fun. Meg, do you want little Meggies? Yeah, I think so. Little Kevin's. I was going to say Meglings. Big Kev. Oh, Meglings. Oh, Meglings. Oh,

Meglings. Oh, that's so cute. It's kind of scary. I love that. Oh, my God, imagine a tiny Megg running. down this whole. Like, imagine Meg, like shrunk, running down the more. See, I don't know whether that's the most terrifying thing ever. Or, like, but I have this, like, a kind of cute kid. I feel like, terrifying. Oh, my God, you were so terrifying.

Like, running down, trotting all over the face with sticking hair. No, the computer pictures the funniest. Yeah. You guys got, oh, my God. Dude, would you want to be, would you want a little Meglings? I'm working every day. I'm depressed. What is this like, um, it's like, um, it's like, every day we're hustling.

Or like, it's about drive. about power and we stay hungry. That was Meg when she was a kid. Oh my God. I was like me organizing an entire like performance with tickets for me to sing I'm a Barbie girl. Commissioning like children in my classes. Did you, did you do this? Because I did like did you do little plays and performances to your parents?

I took it to the next level. Like I left my prep classroom and invited the whole school. I made ticket. That's fantastic. school to my performance of I'm a Barbie girl. And then how many people showed up? Like two classrooms full of kids and my prep teacher was like, why are

all these people here? And I commissioned my entire class and I'd made all of the guys that I hated in my class dress up as photographers and pretend to be like my paparazzi. And my mom came to pick me up from prep and I think my teacher was like, you have raised a psychopathic. Like, this child

is narcissistic, yeah. Talent was questionable. Organization skills. organization and they have carried you through you continue to use those in your daily life nowadays because i feel like you would have done the same and maybe even you jo ma but i was having a conversation with my mom this week when i was up in sydney uh about when i used to put on little performances when i was a kid like i used to do little magic shows and i used to do little like act out little scenes from like like movies i like yeah did you do that yeah so i would commission performances with

my brother as well yeah and i love how commission yeah because i did i did i hire him. I would organise them. I think my parents were probably sick of them. They were having so frequently. But my dad also would record, like, songs of Hayden and I singing with all his, like, sound recording gear. So we have Hayden and I singing Love Shack at, like, you know, like, five and three or something stupid like that.

It's so funny. Because we do all of the parts. It's like, and it's on full, like, recording gear. Love Shad, baby. Yeah. My favorite. Is that coming out at the 21st? I love to see that.

I would. be surprised if it didn't. Is Angela listening? If she's listening, I want to see it. We want to coordinate with mom and dad. Dino, give us the goods. We want to see the Love Shack. 10 minute version.

Yeah. In the vaults song. Yeah. You don't get it. It's Taylor's with preference. No, I don't. I don't. Sorry, to exclude you again.

That's all right. I used to do your own fake. Well, there's a photo of me doing a fake wedding where I married my dog. Oh. You know that dog I have? You know the toy dog I still have on my bed? Napoleon. Oh, so wasn't a real dog.

No, it was a toy dog. It was not weird. Yeah. It still was a little bit weird. And I made my grandma, I made my grandma make me a full, like, child-sized wedding gown. Wow, that's beautiful. And, like, a veil.

Oh, is you a photo? Yeah, I'll show you. I'll find it for you. And then she also made my dog. Funnily enough, it was like a bit of a lesbian wedding with the dog because the dog was also wearing well maybe I shouldn't be presumptuous but the dog was also wearing a dress and a veil

oh my god so there was two brides one of which was a dog and one of which was me so technically oh my god I'm a very progressive thank you I was very progressive child I was a very progressive child bride I feel like we can forgive child brides if it's like

in marrying children if it's like LGBTQ friendly That was like an LGBT Yeah Yeah That's a good moment It really was a good moment I've been an ally since day dot

Yeah I'm gonna put it Everyone from Prime Minister And I'm gonna need to get like Some brownie points that Yeah yeah I've always I've always

Yeah go to all the parades Even bring your Your lover My lover Yeah Napoleon and the dog Your wife yeah I feel like that's very

Pucks and Rec Like Leslie Oh my god When she marries the penguins. I forgot about that episode. Oh, the penguins. Yeah, yeah. And of course, that was quite funny.

It caused to be a stir. Yeah, with that, what's that, the uptight lady who's married to the... I'm such a Leslie Nope. Oh, you so are a Lesnarc. Yeah. You're a such a Lusselm. Yeah.

Thanks. We hope. Do you think I'm Anne Perkins or am I Tammy? I don't know. Oh, my daughter. You're Anne. Yeah, you're Anne. I don't think I'm Anne.

I think Anne is a little bit too. Not Tammy. No one's, you're not, yeah, no one's as bad as time. Everyone's good a little bit of Tammy in them, I guess. Maybe I'm Diane. Yeah, yeah, Diane's. Yeah. I think you're like, I'm sorry, I'm going to say it.

Like huge smart Andy energy. Yeah, I was, you're totally Andy. I like that though. Andy's got really nice qualities. Yeah, I can see that. Maybe a bit of Chris. Andy's, Andy's lovely. I'd be happy for that.

You'd be a really good Andy. And Andy wants to be a dad like you. True. And Andy's a child at heart like you. Yeah. We got so sidetracked. Oh, yeah. We did, yeah.

You're going to have to cut this, yeah. No, it's all about the, okay, so we do one final question. Yeah, well, we have one final question. Okay. We don't have one final question. What about this one?

So I've been sleeping with this girl for a couple months now. I'm not doing that. No, of course not. We're not doing that. I don't want to answer that question. Well, we can. No, I'm not doing that. Okay.

No, you can. Sorry, that sounded very aggressive. I didn't mean to be so aggressive. It's okay. That's our first five. Yeah. In your expert opinion, should we stay friends with our exes? Ooh, yeah, I think so.

Actually, it really depends on the nature of the relationship. Yeah, which is such a vague answer. Yeah, yeah. It like, like, I think that that is almost the condition of if you can be friends or not. Your friends with your, one of your exes? I'm, yeah, I've got a spectrum. I'm friends with one of my exes. I'm on good terms with another and then I don't.

speak to one of my other exes. I'm trying to feel in the blanks. Huh? Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it does make sense, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you? I've got a two extreme spectrum. I've got to never look at me if you come within five feet of me.

I might try and throw you off something large. Very bad. And then I've got another extreme of like, we get along fine. Yeah. Yeah. We'd be happy to hang out. Yeah. Like I have no issues like you.

Good pals. Yeah, no beef. Because I think like fundamentally, and it's something, like, I remember getting coffee with my Moza recent ex after we broke up and be like, oh, wow, like I really, I miss her company a lot. We really go along well. And I think the reason why exes can be friends is because there's such a good baseline friendship there and banter that, like, you'll definitely get along with them.

It's just like, if it was a shift. relationship. Yeah. Yeah. And or it was a bad ending. Or if you still have feelings for them. Yeah. True.

That's another one. That is done. You cannot be friends with them. I have this. I, I'm either like, I, until my most recent ex,

I was like, when I finished something with someone I was seeing, I'm like, I do not speak to me anymore. Yeah. I don't like you. I don't want any part of you in my life.

Yeah. In some ways. I do a bit of back and forth. But that sucks, but I actually think that that's a really good baseline to have, right, because I think if you're too naive about it and you're like, I'm going to be friends with everyone who I've broken up with, it's like, okay, well, maybe re-evaluate that. Let's unpack.

Yeah, and it's also like the nature of the relationship doesn't have to, like, at least in my case, doesn't impact whether I'm not, I'm friends with them. I think, like, the worst breakup I had, like, I'm still friends. with that person out of the three relationships I've had. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Which is nice. I'm still, I would say

I went through a period with my most recent accident. I don't feel weird talking about this because we've talked about it where I was like, went through this period of being like, I really do not like you. I, like, you are a terrible person. Don't speak to me anymore. But then when the time passes, you're like, oh, actually, like, we all make mistakes.

And you can become very good friends with them. But you have to be careful. Yes, you can. You have to be careful with it because you don't want to become reliant on them for emotional support again the way that you would have, if you're in a relationship with them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They are just another friend. Like,

I think it also matters the position that you were in prior to the relationship because I think the trap that a lot of people fall into is they were really good friends before they started dating. Then they started dating and there was a whole thing when they started dating about, oh, I didn't want to lose their friendship, etc., etc. And then they break up and they try. Ryan revert to that immediately and it always grows bad and it happens to so many people. That's interesting. I'm like, I definitely. Yeah, yeah. It's also like I totally get why, but also that's such a factor.

And then I think the other key thing is time, right? Yeah, time, time's definitely the biggest one. Yeah, you're not going to be besties the next day. I mean, if you're trying to be. Yeah, there was a two-year gap between when I last spoke to one of my exes and then when we became friends. Yeah. Wow. Oh, that makes sense actually.

Yeah. And it's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and she just popped up and was like, want to grab coffee. I was like, yeah. I think that is actually makes an excellent point. You need to have had enough time to, like, with Jack and his old lady friend. Not old lady friend. No, no, no.

Yeah. Yeah. Mommy. My mommy. Kilt. Connecting with that last questioner. Yeah. Really.

But like, you need to, you need to have had enough time to have been able to settle your resentments and to also have let feelings. lessened. Yeah. Because if you still have feelings for them, you're going to want from them what you wanted from them when you're in a relationship. Yeah.

And it's not going to work. But then I do think in the long time you can be friends with your exes. I totally see myself being friends with my ex now. Yeah. Because we were such good friends when we were dating

and now that things have been fixed. Yeah. We can just move. I don't know. Maybe I'm saying this and this is like in three months. I will be listening back to this. But it depends.

It just depends if you want to have a friendship with them. Yeah. Don't, you don't have to. Yeah, I think that's the other thing. If you can't be, if you can't be freaked and you have too many friends already,

don't do it. Yeah. Because my whole thing is like I don't like the feeling of being like, I had this friendship with this person. I had this like, you, we really got along and then now we're on icky terms. Like that doesn't sit well with me.

But I think I could definitely do the whole like, we're not in bad terms. They're not in good terms. We just. exist. I think it's just for me the ickiness. I just, I don't think I could cope with. Like, I feel like I'd have to sort of feel like things

were at least settled. Yeah. I think you're right. Yeah, for sure. For sure. I'm a big fan of the block. Your block, yeah. Oh, yeah, the old block. He really does a trick. But then it makes things really weird. I'm a fan of the unfollow. So, you know, I like the unfollow too. Yeah. Yeah.

Just because otherwise it's too sad. Yeah. I just, anyone, yeah. I've been in a romantic relationship, or anything with, I'm always like, I just cannot interact with you for at least a while. Yeah. But then with time, time heals everything and then you can be in the same way as them. And then it's fun to stock them on social media. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, true, true, true. See, they've gotten other. Or on LinkedIn. Most of the new. Yeah. Yeah. All the people I've previously, like, dated or liked have all gotten really ugly. Yeah, see.

Sorry if you're listening, but it's true. Yeah. Well, I think it's also just the thing if you're not attracted to them anymore. Well, that's troubley one of this, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Not to point out the obvious. No, no.

And they're also rude. Yeah. And that was a joke. Like they haven't all gotten ugly. They're still very nice people. So, yeah.

Anyhow, we did some great. We covered some ground. We covered some ground. I'm really, and also, aren't we like three really wise people? Yeah.

This is quite cool. Three wise mice. Three wise mice. Yeah. Wait, is it three wise mice? I don't know. Three wise men.

Three blind men. Oh, three blind mice. Yeah. Yeah. No, three wise mice is the cooler. If we had a cheeseboard, it would be complete. Three wise mice eating some green.

We had the fattest feed before this though, so. We did. Yeah. Tofu out of 10? 11. Wow. It was pretty good. I had some mixed tofu.

It was really nice. In fact, I think I had half of it. Thank you, Meg. Hi, Snickishnak. Yeah, a little shnickish snack. I've watched a bread. Um, yeah.

Anyhow, thanks for, thanks for, thanks for stopping in and asking questions. Yeah. How was your first podcast experience?

I really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. I definitely couldn't do this by myself. Like I would be so, it's a lot harder by yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I've enjoyed the chats. Yeah. Well, me too. This was really intriguing. Jack's a, now he's good. His master's,

he's done a second. Yeah. Because the first one I went on I was pretty nervous. Yeah. I think having a group here in person was a lot better. Because we did it over the phone the first time. Yeah.

Because it was locked down. It was kind of scary. You did really good though. It got really good feedback. Yeah. Yeah. You guys were really good to listen to. Yeah.

And I think it was because I knew so many of the stories as well that like or like I'd heard of them and like hearing you guys interact and talk about them was really sweet. Aw. Well now you got to make your debut. And I hope if you sent in a question, there was like maybe three or four that we didn't answer because they were just like a bit missed or not really questions. But if you did send in a no question. I hope we answered it well. Hope we didn't offend you. Hope that you got some solid advice.

Yeah. And also to the, I just want to do a quick shout out to the person who's in a situation ship. Yeah. Yeah, true. You're a queen. You're a queen.

I don't know if it's a girl or a guy, but... I think that's important to mention, though. Yeah. Because like, it's... I'm feeling for you right now. Yeah. And you deserve a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. To all those people, you all deserve a lot. Rock climbing. Yeah, true. Rock climbing girl. Yeah. Was it a girl, a boy?

It was a girl. Lonely, lonely person. Oh, that was, you need to. Thanks again for listening. Don't forget to subscribe. Wherever you, subscribe to this podcast, wherever you get your podcast. Jesus, Spotify and Apple Music. That was really beautiful.

And follow us on Instagram as well. It's 20s, oh, Psych 20s podcast. I don't even know my own Instagram handle. And thanks for listening and thanks to, Jack and Meg again for joining us and we'll see you. Thanks a bit. It's fun. See you guys next week.

Bye. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships and you will come out on the other side a happier, more

fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 is big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English.

Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all?

You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen and learn the hard way on the IHard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHart podcast.

Guaranteed human.