The Psychology of your 20s - 184. How to get your spark back
Episode Date: April 5, 2024We lose our spark and love for life for many reasons: burnout, mental ill health, people pleasing, a breakup. When we do it can feel like life gets very boring, it loses colour, we lose interest and w...e can become cynical towards all of the small joys and brilliance of being alive and being human. In this episode we break down six tips for getting your spark back: The power of rest Choosing to live light versus live heavy Reconnecting with your inner child + play Seeking inspiration in the mundane and The Alchemist Exercise + the healing power of nature Ignoring the urge to compare Listen now for when you're in a rut or have lost your spark! Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is an I-Heart podcast.
Guaranteed Human.
Hey, what's good, y'all?
You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games.
This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing.
How many men carry a suit or armor.
It signals to the world that you not to be played with.
And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn.
the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins.
But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.
You doctored this particular test twice in so much, correct?
I doctored the test ones.
It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg Gillespie and Michael Mancini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2%.
That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available.
I'm Michael Easter.
And on my podcast, 2%.
I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world.
yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more
fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWA percent on the IHeartRadio app, Apple
podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated
the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last
target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say
that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology
of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s,
and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to the show.
Welcome back to the podcast.
New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world.
It is so great to have you here, as always, back for another episode as we dive into
the psychology of our 20s.
So I want to talk about something today that I have been struggling with recently.
You know, I'm just going to jump straight into the point.
I don't know about you, but I have been really experiencing this strange sense of just dissatisfaction
towards my life recently, a lingering kind of buzzing sense of exhaustion, an aimlessness,
a kind of like a boredom when it comes to my interests, my future, my relationships, my health,
my life in general, it's been really bothering me as someone who is very proactive.
when it comes to just like actually enjoying my life, I like feeling excited about things.
I like feeling optimistic about the future.
And that just hasn't seemed to be the case recently.
And I've been really looking into what it might be.
The biggest thing for me has been low energy, not being able to kind of show up in my
friendships as I would like.
I cannot tell you the number of plans.
I have cancelled in the last three months.
And I've kind of just reached the conclusion.
that I've lost my spark a little bit. I've lost the buzz, the love, the thrill for life.
And I don't think that I am the only one. You know, our 20s come with a lot of expectations that are
hard to ignore. There is so much hype around these being like the best years of your life,
filled with adventure and sleepless nights and random friendships and relationships and these
warm, brilliant memories you'll get to look back on for years to come. And I think maybe this is what
we would define as our spark, like an enthusiasm to go out and grab life and to be interested and
interesting. Our spark is the thing that kind of keeps us passionate about showing up in the world.
And it keeps us passionate about who we are and the experiences that we're having. It's what makes us
inspired and kind and engaged and motivated and present. But we can't be that all the time.
You can't really be living in the golden bubble every minute of every day. There will come a time
as I guess I'm experiencing right now as we speak where the energy and the excitement for life kind of dips.
You become very detached from that person that you love, that person that you are at your core.
and everything around you seems to lose a bit of color.
You lose that kind of energy that you bring into conversations,
that energy that you bring into your daily life.
And for me, I've been really reflecting on this,
and I've been thinking about the person I was three or four years ago
who just seemed so in love with life and really wondering where she's gone,
whether I can get her back, but also whether I want her back
or whether it's just a general disconnection.
So we're going to talk about that today.
I want to talk about why we lose our spark,
why it is such a common experience,
the reasons behind that.
It may be burnout, it may have been a breakup,
but then also six tips for regaming that motivation
and that love for life.
Losing your spark could be for a number of reasons,
but there are four main explanations
that I think stand out to me, especially in our 20s.
The first, the biggest one really, is burnout,
pushing ourselves too hard for too long
and ignoring the warning signs that we need rest
and we need time to actually process our lives, our emotions,
and all the activity that is going on.
We're seeing a lot of research that burnout is becoming a lot more common
during this day and age,
especially amongst people under the age of 30.
Now, I think the reason for this is twofold.
Number one, we're obviously quite new to the workplace,
but also new to life.
We don't really know or aren't able to express our limits,
our points of exhaustion.
But secondly, I think it's because of this expectation
to be doing everything,
to be constantly and always aiming for more.
you have to be focused at school or in your job whilst also having a lot of fulfilling friendships
and then hobbies and a loving relationship and perfect physical and mental health,
whilst also been able to, you know, juggle your family and a side hustle and your own needs.
If that feels impossible to you, you are not the only one.
Each of us has an individual threshold for how much stress, activity, mental exhaustion that we can tolerate.
and I think as we slowly reach that threshold, we start sacrificing elements of our well-being
to keep up with what is expected of us and what we expect from ourselves.
And that includes very tangible things like sleep, self-care, exercise, downtime.
Those are normally the first things to go when we're burnt out.
And also more intangible things like mental rest, thinking time, a space for,
imagination and creativity.
You need all of these things to keep your spark a light.
It's hard to prioritize the things that make you excited for life, the small joys or even
the energy for the big things.
If you are struggling with prolonged, you know, prolonged exhaustion, prolonged fatigue,
burnout from a lack of life balance or kind of academic or personal overload.
We are seeing so much of this recently, and it also is demonstrating a lot of links to an increased vulnerability to illness, increased feelings of pessimism, inadequacy, none of which I think seem to go hand in hand with feeling like yourself or feeling like your spark is a light and alive.
So the second factor that I think contributes to losing our spark is a lingering or pre-existent,
mental health disorder or challenge that may be getting out of control or becoming a little bit
unmanageable, whether that is anxiety, depression, ADHD, some other condition.
When it impacts our cognitions, our mood, our emotions, this condition is going to impact our
so-called spark and most importantly our way of relating to the world.
So many factors impact this and sometimes there really isn't an explanation for why your mental health is suddenly not as good.
But I don't think anyone really talks about how physically tiring it is to have to put 100% of your energy into just convincing yourself to do even the smallest of tasks.
I think maintaining your spark and all the activities that promote this part of you is a luxury when you're just trying to get by day by
day. The third contributing factor, I think, is not spending enough time with your own thoughts or
operating from a place of external validation. I think when we live for others, how are we really
meant to pull from that internal source of meaning and passion and mission? How are we meant to feel
like ourselves when we are engaging in extreme people pleasing? When we do feel unnecessarily
guilty for other people's emotions or feelings. When we say yes, when we really want to say no,
when we have no social boundaries, when we take on others' opinions or try and impress people at
the expense of our own mental health, if our spark is cultivated from our own internal mental
energy source, from being connected and attached and knowledgeable about who we are, when all of that
time is devoted to thinking about others, that part of us becomes neglected. And the final factor,
this one is a little bit different from what we've just spoken about, but it is the end of a relationship.
I really do see that as a catalyst for losing a little bit of your passion and your, just your
love for who you are and your love for life and the energy that you bring into, literally just your
daily activities. So, when we lose a relationship, whether that is with a boyfriend or a girlfriend
or a really close friend, that creates a massive shift in us. It is a complete severance from part
of ourselves that was connected to this other person. It would often, I would say,
also trigger a really significant dip in self-esteem, feeling very lost because we attach so much
of our identity to those we love.
You know, they hold us up.
They make us feel seen.
They bear witness to our lives.
But they can also, I think, cause us a lot of heartache and a lot of disruption when
relationships like this end, often because there comes a moment of complacency.
So I think when we are in a long-term relationship or we are in this long-term dependent
friendship, sometimes we become very, it becomes very easy to just fall into only seeing them,
to only hanging out with them, to sitting, watching TV with them, to not exploring other parts
of you.
So when that relationship suddenly ends, you kind of experience an emotional vacuum where you
have incidentally, accidentally, involuntarily given up parts of you for this relationship,
for the ease of this relationship.
and when you come out of it, you don't really know who you are.
You don't really know what the future holds.
You don't really know what it means to be you without them.
And I think that is a huge catalyst, as I said,
for feeling a sense of dislocation and disconnection
from what makes you you and from your spark.
It also just reveals so much about what we have perhaps been neglecting in our lives.
the parts of ourselves that have become secondary behind the relationship.
Maybe one of these explanations, one of these situations is calling to you.
You can really see yourself in these examples.
Maybe you just feel like there's just something missing.
None of these really apply.
There's just a genuine lack of sense of effort to be put into your life.
It doesn't really matter because I think that what is most important here is that right now
you are having this experience that makes you feel like your life is less than optimal and that
there is something that you're missing out on and missing out of getting from your life.
So I'm going to talk about six research-based tips to get your spark back, starting with
the most simple but the most important after this short break.
2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an
escalator available. I'm Michael Easter, and on my podcast, 2%, I break down the science of mental
toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with
writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical
and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that
seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are
freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships and you
will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2% that's TWO
percent on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember when
Diana Ross double-tapped Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't
like black people. I know what you're thinking. What?
The hell does George Bush got to do a little count?
Well, you can find out on the Look Back at it podcast.
I'm Sam Jett.
And I'm Alex English.
Each episode, we pick it here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it.
Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill, waxing all about crack in the 80s.
To be clear, 84 is big to me, not just because of crack.
I'm down to talk about crack on day, but just so you all know.
I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack.
So I'm starting to see that there's a through line.
We also have AIDS on the table right now.
Thank you finishing that sentence.
Yes.
I don't think there's a more important year for black people.
Really?
Yeah.
For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history.
Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hardway with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games.
And in recognition of mental health awareness month, I'm bringing over a decade.
of my own experience in the mental health field
and conversations with so many incredible guests.
I'm talking.
Trip Fontaine, Ryan Clark.
Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing,
we get so wrapped up in the chase
that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing.
And we're still chasing it.
And we don't know when we've done enough.
Because people scoreboard watch.
Life becomes about wins and losses.
Steve Burns, Dustin Ross.
Because you find it important to be a good person
while you hear on earth.
Are you a good person because you're afraid?
Because that's two different intentions, bro.
Absolutely.
And that's two different levels of trust.
I want you to just really be a good person.
Join me, Kear Gaines,
as we have real conversations about healing,
growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose
on my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way.
Open your free, I Heart Radio app.
Search Learn the Hardway and listen now.
In 2023,
former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd
found himself at the center of a paternity scandal.
The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story.
This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth.
You doctored this particular test twice in so-ins, correct?
I doctored the test ones.
It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case.
I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for.
Sunlight's the greatest disinfected.
They would uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg Alespian and Michael Nanchini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trap.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges.
This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona.
Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
You need to replenish your body and your mind before you can start building back your interest in life.
That is why the biggest thing for getting your spark back is prioritizing rest.
It sounds so simple, but we really don't acknowledge how much of a difference,
a good night's sleep or a week off can be for resetting our body,
especially when this becomes a practice of scheduling time to do nothing,
of scheduling time, to just relax in your body, in your mind,
and be present. When you've pushed yourself to this cliff edge of complete exhaustion,
you reach a point of internal disharmony whereby your body will literally start to shut down
due to ongoing chronic stress. That doesn't sound optimal and it certainly doesn't help with
getting your spark back. Sometimes we think that we need to be doing more to be more,
but it's actually quite the opposite. The people who know themselves the best and get the
most out of life are those who realize the value in giving their brain and their body, even their
soul, time to replenish. If you've lost your spark, you need to start by reintroducing rest back into
your life. And this includes by doing things like taking your sick days when you need them without
feeling like you need to justify it. Being okay with saying no to plans to just chill at home,
giving yourself a day every now and again to just do nothing.
It's those slow moments that our brain finally gets to switch off.
And you'll really be surprised about how much comes up for you,
how many ideas, plans for the future, helpful thoughts arise
because you finally have space to hold them in space to process them.
I really do understand that it's actually quite hard to do that
and accept that we need to slow down.
we feel a lot of guilt towards rest because of the societal association with laziness.
If you are not pushing yourself 100% of the time, if you don't want to do it all,
it's because you just lack discipline.
It's because you're just lazy, rather than actually listening to your body and recognizing
that this is actually more efficient.
I think these attitudes are especially pervasive if you're an overachiever.
or if you put a lot of worth into your external achievements,
resetting your attitude towards rest kind of means unlearning everything
that brings you a sense of personal fulfillment or satisfaction,
like your achievements, like being somebody who can push themselves,
being somebody who enjoys the urgency of exhaustion.
That is just not sustainable though.
And it causes you to neglect the parts of you that your future self really needs.
You know, it needs you to stay strong and to stay healthy.
Your soul, your sense of self, needs you to actually stop and pause and focus on who you are and what you're getting out of life.
I think rest also just really increases our capacity for self-awareness.
It improves our empathy.
It improves our ability to imagine the future.
So I think that it gives us a real creative and perspective vision for who we are and what we want.
and in turn really gives us our life back.
So my second tip for getting your spark back is to shift from a passive agent to an active agent in your life.
So often the reason we lose our spark is because we settle into living as though we are on autopilot.
I want you to pause and think whether that's you.
Things happen to us.
Life happens to us.
We just kind of accept that that's the way it is.
we aren't doing much steering when it comes to our decisions, to what might make us happier,
to avoiding or changing circumstances that are depleting us.
And it is a lot easier to live life this way.
It's really tiring to have to wake up each moment and live with the fact that you are creating
your reality, that you are creating your future, you are in control, you have agency.
because that kind of awareness of your responsibility is naturally more effort, right?
It takes a lot more from you.
But I honestly believe that that expenditure of effort pays off in its thousands and becomes
easier, becomes less taxing when we adjust to a way of living that actually gives us
what we want in the long term rather than like the instant gratification, small pleasures
in the short term.
It's so much more exhausting living every day at 60% and dragging the other 40% behind you
than at 100% and seeing yourself really have purpose and passion and come back into your life,
getting your spark back.
Now this isn't to say that you should be working harder doing more, 100% effort, 100% energy
all the time, right?
Because I think that is a contribution to pure exhaustion,
which we know is a contributor to burnout.
rather it's about choosing to live light versus live heavy when we live heavy we kind of borrow effort
and time from our future selves i'm going to explain this a little bit more when you don't make
active choices about what's going to make your life better whether that is choosing to feel your
body in a way that feels good choosing to rest when you need choosing to turn off your screen before bed
even though you want to scroll for a few more minutes, choosing to keep good company, you transfer
all of those decisions into your future as consequences. In the short term, you've got to live
light because you made the easiest decision to stay in bed rather than work out or see friends
to spend that extra 30 minutes on your phone in bed rather than reading a book to sacrifice your sleep,
to put things off when they would seriously only take about five minutes. You're stealing joy from
your future self and contributing to exhaustion by taking what seems like the easier route,
but in the long term is the harder route. I think good practices fulfilling life habits are tiring,
but they do actually give you a sense of control over your life and give you a sense that you
actually get to do the things you want to do and create a life you want to live and actually create
meaning within that life, meaning that when you show up every single day, when you wake up,
you have the energy in the space to be yourself, to show love to yourself, to get your spark back
by actively engaging in decisions that are all devoted to bettering you and to making your life
easier. I think at the end of the day, what this shift from passive to active entails is noticing
the things that deplete your energy versus create energy for you, things that unsettle you versus
comfort you, things that make you fatigued, make you tired, make you sad versus
things that make you energized and excited and joyful.
That's the first step.
I think the second step is like really consciously choosing the alternative to those energy
takers in your life.
You typically, I think, see a difficulty curve occur here.
For example, if you're big thing for making your life easier or living light is choosing
to do a creative project before bed rather than just mindlessly watch TV.
it's always going to be hard at the beginning because I think that we become very adjusted
and very comfortable in what is familiar and what is easy and any shift or change to that kind of
life structure, life routine. It's going to disrupt that norm. But over time as you adjust,
you'll see that it becomes a lot more kind of habitual and automatic to do the thing that is
best for you and to do the thing that helps you get your spark back that
do the thing that really involves showing yourself a lot of radical self-compassion
by not giving into your immediate wants but focusing on your long-term well-being.
My next tip is perhaps my favorite and this involves getting back to that place of passion,
interest and joy in life by creating excitement in the mundane.
The biggest thing that gets me back in touch with my true self time and time again is
looking for joy rather than looking for things to complain about, actively searching for things
that make me happy and elated or surprised or grateful to be human rather than always buying into my
negativity bias. And I do this by connecting with my inner child and getting back to a place
of childhood wonder and curiosity. Your inner child is the most alive version of you there is,
the least uninhibited, the most excited.
And I think it's one of the saddest things about getting older is finding that everything
becomes a lot more gray, that there is a certain glimmer that we lose that.
It feels like we can't get back, but I think that we can.
We can achieve that sense of wonder that we had when we were younger.
By looking for things to be amazed about rather than things to be disappointed over.
you know, the leaves changing color, the cat you see every day on your walk to work,
eating a really tasty pastry or a tasty piece of fruit, smiling at a stranger, having them
smile back, like your favorite artist, playing over the radio at the supermarket, a cool
bug on a tree, singing along to like the opening track of your favorite TV show, joy really
is everywhere. And it's a strange feeling because it's one of the few emotions that when you
you search for it, you'll notice that it wants you to find it, right? Like, if you look for happiness,
you can't always find it, but if you look for joy, you most certainly will. As you kind of train
yourself to look for awe and to discover joy, you also begin to notice that your thoughts and
cognitions begin to transform and become more positive, and you slowly get that glow and appreciation
for life back. Another part of getting in touch with your inner child is allowing yourself to be
playful. Play is honestly so much fun. That's like the whole point, right, to just be free of
everything else that's hanging over you and to get into your body, to get into your joy, to get
into the moment. And studies have really shown that play in adulthood lets us act in a way that is
unstructured and creative and it reduces stress levels. It increases creativity, of course,
along with the number of neural connections we have in our brain
because we engage in different kinds of activities
that use different parts of our brain that normally don't talk to each other.
Anything you do recreationally that brings you joy or excitement counts as play.
You know, it could be a video game.
It could be playing sport, especially if it's social sport.
It could be writing little poems in your spare time, painting, I don't know,
trampolining.
literally going on the public swing at like your local park, going for a swim at the beach.
That is play.
And it once again is an avenue for joy to enter your life and to keep you feeling like wonderful and curious and engaged in your environment and your surroundings rather than kind of stuck behind like a glass wall of negativity.
feeling like you're watching your life go by and you're not able to reach out and touch it.
I think reconnecting with that childlike version of you is a wonderful diversion from all the stresses
and responsibilities that do keep us disconnected because it lets us slip back into a perspective that
is so uninhibited, that is so carefree, that is so just like energized for life.
I really, really implore you to try it even if you feel embarrassed or you feel cringe.
It's not about what other people think.
It's about what's going to leave you feeling your best.
I think the main thing here is that getting your spark back after it's been dulled isn't all internal.
It's also about the external environment you create for yourself.
I think partially what losing your love and energy for life comes down to is a lack of inspiration, is feeling stuck in the norm and not having new thoughts, not having new beliefs, not experiencing new sense.
sensations, new interests. I think you just become very much numb and shut down. When life starts to
feel plain and colorless, that is an invitation for you to add some color back in by keeping
yourself inspired. And I love doing this by consuming content, media, books, articles, music,
anything that gets your brain working and thinking and firing differently.
start your morning off, you know, with a TED talk instead of social media, with five minutes of meditation instead of doom scrolling, with energetic music.
Have like a wild dance in your bathroom in the morning. Make that part of your routine.
Listen to podcasts like this one or subscribe to like a news site like the New York Times or the Atlantic.
That is $5 a month for priceless access to a world that feels a lot more expensive than your day-to-day life.
to hearing about what everyone's doing across the globe.
I also want to recommend a book here that I think is invaluable
when you're feeling like you're in a bit of a sparkless rut.
The book is called The Alchemist.
I'm sure a lot of you have heard about this before.
It is so widely read and known for good reason
because even if you're not like a big reader,
this novel offers such a simple, digestible,
inspiring kind of folk story about getting more out of your life, about getting more out of your
dreams, out of yourself, and refocusing on your purpose, on your drive. I think that's something that
we lose as life gets harder as we get older. We get stuck in our routines. And of course,
we lose our spark. So I read this book in like one or two sittings a few years back. And I just
started rereading it and it's incredibly eye-opening even if you've read it before honestly read it again
because the message i think becomes different the older you get you interpret it differently and i think
it's really valuable to seek inspiration from other people's ideas and their articulation of their mission
and their and kind of how they see the world whether that is the same or different to your own at least
it challenges you to think about your life differently in fact i think obviously
you know, reading a book is not a huge task. Expanding the media you consume is minor. Listening to
TED Talks is pretty easy. Seeing joy in your life is not that hard. You really only need to pick
out like three things a day. And I really think that all of these things, the reason why they're
so powerful is because time and time again, they make you actually engage with what's around you.
they make you engage with your thoughts, with your life, rather than sitting in the passenger seat.
If you've lost your spark, I would really encourage you to reflect on whether the life you're currently living actually provides you with an opportunity to be in touch with life, to be alive.
Routine is really great for creating structure and bringing order and productivity into our lives.
But that is not what life is.
life is what happens around that. Life is what is spontaneous and thrilling and what gives you
new stories and new feelings and new energy. So I would also say break out of the monotony by really
challenging yourself to do one new thing this week, one new thing every week, even if that's
alone, a new gym class, a new part of the city to explore a new dish that you're going to cook
for yourself. New things are good for our emotional health because it actually really opens up
our mind, I think, to the possibility of more. Like they've done research on this and the happiest
people are those who really expose themselves to new things who challenge the norm, who challenge their
brains to think about things differently. Because novelty also introduces excitement.
There is a really great article by Psychology Today that puts it like this.
When we try something new, this actually opens up the possibility for you to enjoy something new.
There have been entire careers, entire life paths carved out by people dipping their baby toes into small ponds and suddenly discovering a love for something they had no idea would capture their imaginations.
It forces you to grow.
it forces you to choose to live light by kind of living heavy and I think that you just bear witness
to the parts of your identity that are allowed to kind of flourish in those moments where life isn't
like easy life isn't familiar the moment that you're in you might not be comfortable but it's there
that your spark really returns because you have to rely on yourself and you have to really pull from
this pool of just innate joy and energy and capability. I think it's a better way to put it.
All right, I have two final tips for you and we're going to keep them short and sweet.
The first is to be practicing some form of movement every day. Now, this is not movement to lose weight.
It's not movement to get fitter. It's not for a beauty standard, but it's because of what it will do
for your brain. Now I really despise when people say that exercise is some like magical cure for mental
health problems. That's literally bullshit. But we are seeing research that shows how protective
physical activity is for these kinds of ruts or periods of depletion we might find ourselves in.
There's actually a really special research project that was conducted in Australia by the University
of Sydney, literally down the road from where I am right now. And it published,
findings that unstructured dance, so not dance for the purpose of exercise even for getting your
heart rate up, literally just dancing around your living room, dancing around wherever you are.
It's actually one of the best things you can do for your brain and mental well-being.
Besides that, exercise boosts mental energy, it boosts motivation.
Those are two things that are really crucial for getting our spark back.
I think it's especially impactful and special if you find time to move in nature.
There is a whole field of research called eco-psychology that talks about how spending time outdoors
promotes how we feel about ourselves and our lives and the attitudes we bring into our day-to-day.
You probably already know this without me needing to tell you.
You know, just think about how good you feel after you take a swim in the ocean.
And have you ever felt bad after a swim in the ocean, after a hike, after you walked by the creek near your house?
That's where humans are meant to be.
So it's no wonder that we're losing our vibrancy and our spark and our love for life when we are living in a world that is focused on keeping us inside.
I think nature provides a lot of healing in that sense for reconnecting ourselves with what it truly means to be.
human, what it truly means to be alive in our bodies, how capable our bodies are, how much
feeling our bodies can hold. That's spark. That is spark right there. Embracing what makes us
wild. Embracing the beauty of the outdoors, the beauty of what comes from that and kind of watching
how you're, I don't know, it just instantly fills up your cup and it keeps it full for days,
even weeks after.
A final tip, I think, try to spend less time thinking about what others have that you don't.
And think about everything that is wonderful about your life and what you have.
What are your own secret gardens?
I speak about this a lot, but this is a concept I came up with.
A while back that essentially says each of us has this like secret part of who we are locked in the back of our mind that I call our secret garden.
and our secret garden is filled with the things that are special, unique, vulnerable, entirely ours.
It could be, you know, the little hobby that you haven't told anybody about.
The little passion project that is just yours.
Your deep dives on Wikipedia, the poetry you write in your notes app.
The fact that you still love music from the early 2000s.
The fact that actually you're a really good singer, you just don't sing in front of other people.
that you can make a really good lasagna or a really good birthday cake.
Those are parts of your secret garden.
They are what makes it special, what makes us happy,
and we need to spend time in that garden.
We need to water it.
We need to share its kind of bounty with others.
And you'll notice how much more alive and connected you feel
when you spend less time looking over the fence at someone else's life
and more time really like appreciating what you have and also just seeking to elevate that,
seeking to be grateful but also seeking to build it even further, not for somebody else,
not so that they think you're accomplished or cool or whatever it is,
but because you actually want amazing things to come your way.
You want a life that you feel happy with.
You want your spark back.
Like that's the entire point of this episode.
You want to feel like there is a fire that you have in your stomach for life.
So I want to finish off by saying, I'm really glad that you are here if you're feeling this way.
I feel you.
I know this rut feels like it will last a lifetime.
Like you'll never be that kind of fun person you were three, four, five years ago.
And you know what?
You probably won't be that person again.
But you are discovering and building somebody better.
You will feel excited by life again.
you will fall back in love with yourself again.
I just think that it requires a bit of a holistic change.
It's really normal, I think, for us to find ourselves at this point of just like shallowness
and hollowness and emptiness.
That's kind of part of the journey, right?
It's about rebuilding the things that we have perhaps been neglecting.
It's about being kind of exhilarated by the mundane.
It's about creating habits for your life that is going to mean.
that you still feel vibrant and alive, even if you're behind a desk, working nine to five
for the rest of your life. Even if you're stressed, even if you're overwhelmed, there is so much more
to life than commitment, so much more to life than responsibility than what other people think,
than what you even think. There's a lot of beauty hiding in, I think, the everyday and hiding in
our commitment and the love that we show ourselves that really sets us a light that really sparks a fire
in our belly to want to live successfully and beautifully and filled with joy. So I just really hope
that you enjoyed this episode. I really hope that you've got something out of it. I really hope that
you are like on your path to getting your spark back, whether you've lost it because of a breakup,
because we've been burnt out, because of whatever it is. You'll find your way back and I hope
that this will help you do that. If you enjoyed this episode, please,
feel free to leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now.
I actually really enjoyed this.
I'm going to be applying some of these strategies.
Obviously, I already do, but I'm really trying to bring more of this into my life.
I feel like I've lost way and way a little bit.
It happens to the best of us.
Make sure that you are following us on Instagram at that psychology podcast or at Gemma Speg if you want to see more behind-the-scenes content, see what's coming out.
we actually have something really special coming out in the next month.
So if you've made it this far, I guess you're the first to know.
I'm not going to tell you exactly what it is, but keep your eyes peeled because, yeah,
I'm really excited about it and I hope you are too.
We will, of course, be back for another episode next week.
Until then, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, and stay safe.
Hey, what's good, y'all?
You're listening to us.
and learn the hard way
with your favorite therapist
and host Kear Games.
This space is about black men's experiences,
having honest conversations
that it's really not safe to have anywhere,
but you're having them with a licensed professional
who knows what he's doing.
How many men carry a suit or armor?
It signals to the world that you're not to be played with.
And just because you have the capability
that does not mean that you need to,
listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins.
But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.
You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Sondland's, correct?
I doctored the test once.
It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg, a lesbian.
Michael Mancini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is love trapped.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
2%.
That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available.
I'm Michael Easter.
I'm on my podcast, 2%.
I break down the signs of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world.
Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on.
On the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person.
Listen to 2%.
That's TWO% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.
I vowed.
I will be his last target.
He is not going to get away with this.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe, on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is an IHeart podcast.
Guaranteed human.
