The Psychology of your 20s - 248. The psychology of solo travelling

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

Solo travelling is something that we romanticise a lot in our 20s and is a big thing on many of our bucket lists. It can be such a transformative experience, it allows you to listen to your intuition better, explore the places you've always dreamed about without waiting for others and builds a unique kind of confidence. In today's episode, we break down the psychology of solo travelling, including:  What personality traits make a good solo traveller Why are we so drawn to solo travelling  The 4 major psychological benefits of solo travelling in our 20s  The most common challenges we face when solo travelling  How to overcome those challenges  The post solo travelling hangover and much more  Listen now!    PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [e-mail]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode. as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. What is a more glamorous in like a uniquely non-glamorous way? What is a more quintessential, chaotic but wonderful 20-something experience, than solo traveling, packing everything up for a few weeks, maybe a few months, a year, and just exploring the world by yourself, backpacking across Europe,

going to Bali for a month to do yoga, catching like, a last minute train to the other side of the country or a flight to the other side of the world to find yourself to find memories to test yourself solo traveling just feels like this really important thing that we need to do in our 20s almost like a ride of passage i would say i will meet some of the most incredible independent self-assured 20-something year olds and i can just tell they have solo traveled. I can just tell that they know exactly who they are more than most of us because they have had this very unique, important experience of having to truly trust themselves, of knowing that there is no one else in that moment who can make a decision for them, who can be their

constant company, who can help them in certain situations. It is this like entirely self-directed and at times scary situation. That is also equally. magnificent. And I've heard from so many of you our wonderful listeners who basically credit solo traveling with transforming their identity and their personality during this decade, especially at very pivotal points, you know, post-breakup, post-graduation between jobs, a lot more of us are using travel and doing it on our own to really be this experience that brings us into a new chapter of our lives and it's just absolutely remarkable. I am such a big advocate for doing this.

You know, when I was 20, I solo traveled to Europe from Australia and just spent hours walking around to different sites and churches and getting lost. I actually remember back then, I had like an iPhone 10 or like an iPhone 11 and I didn't want to pay for a data plan. So when I was at my hostel with Wi-Fi, I would literally point my phone in the direct that I would want to go. And I kid you not, I would be like, okay, where is the sun right now? Is the sun behind me? Like, when I'm pointing in this direction, it's the sun to my left, to my right. As long as the sun remains in that position, I can just keep walking in that way and I'll find

myself getting there. And of course, you know, I would get lost. I would never really know where I was going, to be completely honest, until I, like, stumbled into a McDonald's with Wi-Fi. but it was just such a beautiful experience and I really learned to be confident and self-directed. I watched the sunrise in Amsterdam. I had dinner with strangers. I got a tattoo and then I got another one. And those are the kinds of memories that you tell your children or you tell your friends in the nursing home. They are the ones that form the foundation for our life.

One big misconception that I really want to address is that solo traveling does have to be this huge multi-week, multi-month, multi-location, expensive trip. And I don't think it has to be. It can be as simple as a weekend away by yourself or a camping trip just to, you know, two hours away. That is something that I also have loved doing, you know, packing up my tent in my car and just spending three days alone by myself to clear my mind. My cousin was recently texting me like a couple of days ago actually about a solo camping

trip that she did only two hours away from home for only like 48 hours. And even in that short span of time, she was like, this is amazing. I feel so liberated. I feel so free. I just think there are so many other ways to experience the joy and the gift that solo traveling has without breaking the bank, without feeling, you know, really, really out of your comfort zone to begin with. It's definitely something that needs to be, I think, talked about more instead of this glamour. luxurious, often expensive ride of passage, you can literally do it in your own neighbourhood. And I think people, because of that, but also just because of the wider accessibility of travel, are really picking it up, especially post-COVID as well.

I think a lot of us are not so keen to wait until someone else is ready to do the things we want to do. A lot of us have realized that if you wait and you wait and you wait until the time is right until you have company you know a pandemic could begin things can get in the way and you're going to miss the opportunity there was actually a 42% increase in people taking solo trips over the past two years and you know now solo travelers according to this really amazing um research done by solo travel statistics because of course there are people who are measuring this solo travelers make up 11% of the overall total market. And 84% of those solo travelers are women.

So it's likely that if you go out looking for adventure in a foreign country or just up the coast, you will find other people similar to you doing this same thing, looking for something, wanting it to be self-directed, no longer wanting to wait until someone else will raise their hand and say, yeah, okay, I'll come with you. So today I want to talk about this increasingly common experience, the psychology of solo traveling and how uniquely beneficial it can be to us during our 20s. There will definitely be hard times, there will be lonely times, but we also get to experience

this freedom. We get to experience this unique sense of, I don't know what the right word is, liberation, transformation. I think it's only when you're in those moments and you're experiencing. experiencing it that you're you almost become addicted to the sensation and seems like a lot of us are. I also want to talk about some of the unique challenges that you might encounter, but psychologically how to overcome them. And what happens when we return home? What happens when the solo traveler is called back off the road? There is so much to discuss in this. This topic is so much

deeper than you can imagine. So without further ado, let us get into the psychology of solo traveling. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more to live. look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong.

Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's T-W-O-P-Cent on the I-Hart Radio app. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tap Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people.

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waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 was big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talk about crack all day, but just so you all know. I mean, at this point, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack. So I'm starting to see that there's a through line. We also have AIDS on the table right now. Thank you for finishing that sentence. I don't think there's a more important year for black people.

Really? Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history. Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hardway with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field and conversations with so many incredible guests. I'm talking, Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark.

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found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in someone's, correct? I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detainty.

to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfectant. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Gregalespian and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young.

This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura O'clock. Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to a love-trapped podcast on the I-Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A lot of us feel deeply drawn to solo travel specifically, I think because of how sacred it feels.

And that's how I would describe it. There is, as I said before, almost a ride-of-passage feeling that is attached to this equally scary but ultimately rewarding experience. How often in our lives do we actually ever get the opportunity to be truly alone, to be truly dependent on ourselves for everything? You know, how often are we actually able to call most of the shots in our life? Most of us, myself included, I would say, we are constantly surrounded by friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, and we also are in a very comfortable

environment that is familiar and that is really easy to navigate. But solo travel really throws all of that up in the air. Firstly, you're in a place that you don't necessarily know when you solo travel. Then you remove your support network. Then you might add in, you know, a language that you don't speak. But also with that, there is an excitement. There is this unlimited possibility of what's tomorrow going to bring. What am I going to choose to do? It's novel. It's scary. It's scary. and when was the last time that you actually felt that way in your current routine? So what is it about solo travelling that is so alluring other than what I have just described? Well, there was a 2015 report from the International Journal for Tourism Research that looked into

this. It wanted to know why are people suddenly so drawn to this experience? And what it found was that the majority of solo travellers are motivated by one of the following things. they are motivated by the need for a feeling of freedom, by a desire to escape or a desire to find themselves. So a feelings of freedom, a desire to escape, or a desire to find ourselves, which honestly all sound like pretty much the same thing wrapped into one. There was another study from 2021 that found something very, very similar. when this researcher interviewed a number of people who were solo travelers who had solo traveled in the past year or two, what they said motivated them was very similar, but besides those previous inspirational motivations, besides those previous intentions, they also said that it was the flexibility,

it was the promise of a transformative experience, and this anticipated self-discovery that was really, really motivating. So maybe you can relate to that with your own solo travel ambitions. We are seeking out the promise of knowing ourselves better. And this is particularly influential after you've just been through something really tough or life-changing like a breakup, for example, or you've just been made redundant, or you've graduated. You are, I think, particularly poised for growth at that moment.

moment and travel really, really brings that out. I think that it's actually really important to do after one of those moments. You can't just go back to, you know, living in everyday life. After you graduate, you know that normalcy is gone after your breakup, after you've been made redundant. Everything about your current everyday reality has shifted. And I think giving yourself time to go and solo travel through that allows you to kind of jump into the next chapter of whatever life is going to bring you being more confident being more self-assured genuinely just knowing what you want and knowing how to speak about that knowing how to say that some of us do have more of a propensity for solo travel than others and it's actually influenced by this personality trait called

an openness to experience i don't think that's a surprise but you might be familiar with with this trait, it's one of the big five personality traits. And if you are someone who measures high on this characteristic, on this openness to experience, you are typically more curious. You are more independent, adaptable, willing to try new ideas, new values, new emotions, new experiences, and you are more adventurous. So this openness to experience combined with something that we call high self-efficacy, which basically refers to our belief in our ability to influence our reality and to influence the outcomes that we would like. Those two things essentially allow us to really trust in our agency, but also to feel quite

passionate about having these experiences. And it makes for the ideal solo traveler. I will say the final big reason I personally like solo traveling that isn't related to finding yourself that isn't related to an openness to experience. And it might sound self-relevant. but it's basically just that you don't have to consider other people in your plans. And if you are someone who is very hyper-independent, maybe even impatient like I am at times, that can be such a big factor in what is influencing us to solo travel. I am already someone who finds travel to be kind of anxiety-inducing. You know, I have fun, I love it once I get there.

But I do find like I do need to go up my own pace, my own speed. I want to see things that other people might not. And sometimes I like to go back to the same places. I'm a very particular kind of traveler. And I appreciate that I'm also quite indulgent. And that might be like indulgent with my time. Like I want to go slow. I want to just really bask in the experiences.

And that's probably annoying for people to travel with. But it also means that people who travel differently to me, I find it kind of frustrating sometimes, having to compromise for something that is so uniquely, like, traveling is a selfish experience. It is a self-driven experience. You know, you've already spent all this money to get somewhere, at least coming from Australia, if I want to go to Europe or Africa or North America, it's going to take me at least 15 to 24 hours. And it's going to cost me a lot of money.

So once I get there, it's kind of like I don't want to have to consult a group of friends or every single member of my family, any time I want to eat or book accommodation or spontaneously change my plans. And I think that's really sometimes another really valuable thing to consider. Like, if this is such a personal and, I know, I said selfish, but personal experience, sometimes you don't want to share it with someone else. This actually brings up a memory I have, not even a memory. basically when I was 15, I went to New York with my family for Christmas because my mom is American

and we were kind of visiting some of her family as well. And I was a very avid journaler at the time. I wrote a journal entry every single night. And recently I was looking back through my old journals from that time because I was just doing some reminiscing with my book being announced. And I found an entry from that time and it said in all caps, quote, you do not like traveling with other people do not do this again when you become an adult do not travel with other people and i just had to laugh about it i was like that is so funny that 15 year old jemma already kind of knew what was up i like showed it to my boyfriend and he was like yeah absolutely

like even when we travel together i need my days to just go and do my own thing same with when i travel with my friends it's not like i don't like doing it but i definitely need that solo space within that And this really brings me to my first major point as to why solo traveling is so valuable to do during your 20s. And it's that it makes you confident in your own choices and it really ensures that you get to prioritize the experiences that you want to have. If you are someone who is, for example, you know, maybe a people pleaser, that experience of getting to prioritize what you want to do can be so liberating. Sometimes it's like one of the first times that we've ever been allowed to just, and we've ever given ourselves permission, I guess, to just do what best suits us without having to carry the burden of thinking about other people's preferences. It can almost bring you to tears sometimes, you know, getting to eat lunch when you want, watching the sunset on a random day because you want to. it's like the weight of always considering what would make other people happy and having to

juggle all of their contradictory preferences is gone the burden is really lifted and i think you'll be surprised to see how much your relationship with yourself improves as a result of this suddenly you really learn to listen to yourself you know what it feels like to just have it your way and that feels really fucking good. I think that is why women especially find a lot of freedom in solo travel, especially if you were an eldest daughter or came from a large family or felt a lot of expectations from your parents when you were younger. Solo traveling is this unique space where you are actually rewarded for knowing what you want and doing it. And isn't that so contradictory to you know the childhood environments and the teenage environments that we were raised in? In fact, you know,

to bring another psychology study into the mix because we can never have too many. There was a paper from 2023, so last year that found that traveling alone means you actually experience the sensations and the moments of your trip more deeply because you are less distracted by a second person. You actually have the chance to meet new people, chat to new people, pay attention to the small things, you know, as you walk the streets you are naturally more aware, both from a safety perspective, but I think that with that awareness, it brings more moments of noticing. And that in itself, the necessity of being more aware of your surroundings, it really promotes

being present, which is really fantastic for the emotional and mental experience that we get from traveling. We also know that this experience really allows you to prove to yourself that you can do hard things, things that you never really imagined yourself doing. Let me tell you a story about how I had this very experience, this very realization that I was a lot tougher and smarter than I thought I was because of solo traveling. So one uni break, I was traveling somewhere and I can't even remember specifically where I was traveling to because I was coming back. I was returning home to Australia and I had booked,

of course, you know, the cheapest flight possible. I remember it was like $800 return, I think to Amsterdam actually. I was going through Amsterdam to Europe and some other places. So $800 return from Sydney to Amsterdam and then back. And you have to remember, this is firstly Australian dollars, so a lot cheaper than like the US dollar or like pounds or euros or whatever. Very, very cheap at the time for a 24 hour trip. Like that's how long the flight took. Anyways, the catch of this cheap flight was that I had to spend 15 hours in Taiwan overnight. And at this point, I had completely run out of money on my international card.

I only had one $50 American bill in my shoe, like a $50 American note. that my mom was like, always keep this in the bottom of your shoe just in case. Thank you, mum, for reminding me to do that. Well, so I'd stayed in this, I was staying in this small three-room motel. I couldn't stay in the airport for whatever reason. I had to leave the airport. So I was staying in this three-room hotel motel thing. And I paid for it before the start of my trip, did not think about the fact that I would need to get a taxi to the airport and that I would need to eat dinner. You know, This was a 15-hour layover and I didn't have any money. So I remember, like, sneaking into, there was a wedding banquet.

Like, someone was getting married. There was so many people there. And they had this huge array of food. And I was like, okay, I'm just going to sneak in. And, you know, they're just going to think, like, this random white girl is here. Like, who invited her? But no one's going to question it. I'm just going to eat some food and sneak out.

And luckily that worked. I honestly think that they kind of. of new and they probably just felt really sorry for me and then came the moment when I needed to get a taxi. I had to get a taxi to the airport and I was kind of panicking and I'd gotten the front desk to call me a local taxi. Had no idea how much it was going to be had this $50 note. He drops me off at the airport and I just give him the $50 American note. No idea if it's more, less right on, you know, if he's even going to accept it. And he says, kind of just looked at me and he just was like, okay, and just took the note. And I got my bag out of the

back and he drove off. And it was just the biggest sense of like relief and accomplishment that was like, okay, like I did that hard thing. I also didn't have any internet. I had no money. I just had myself. I couldn't call anyone. I didn't know anyone in Taiwan. It was equally scary, but also the most empowering thing to just realize that, oh, wow, I'm an adult. in this situation and I figured it out and I've never felt so alone but also so self-sufficient and it's that it's those experiences that we are all bound to have when solo traveling that are going to give you lifelong skills such as problem solving such as decision making I often think a lot of us get worried about solo traveling that we're going to have this like gap

in our resume if I was an employer and I saw that someone in their 20s had done this huge solo traveling trip or took time off to go and explore by themselves, they are honestly going to be at the top of my list to hire because there's just so many skills that you cannot teach that a workplace won't teach, that a university won't teach. And I think life is more about just having professional experiences and also about having life experiences. Those are the people who are the best to work with, most interesting, often the most driven. So if you ever worry, like, I've taken all this time off to solo travel, everyone else is further ahead than me. Everyone else, those people you're comparing yourself to, are most likely looking at you and being like, wow, I wish that I'd actually taken time to

explore and to know myself. This is why I also think that solo traveling continues to be important even when you are in a relationship, even when you have a long-term monogamous partner. Of course, you know, you want to have those moments and experiences and memories with them. You want to travel with them. But if you are in your 20s and you really want to go somewhere, there is a place on your bucket list that you've always wanted to visit. You have the means, you have the time, you have the opportunity. You shouldn't feel like you need to wait until someone else is ready to go with you.

you can go alone, you can do it alone, you are not suddenly a paired item with this person no matter what, especially like not to be a cynic, but that relationship could not work. Something could happen tomorrow. You guys could break up next month or in the next two, three, five years. And when you two are no longer together and the opportunity to travel has passed, there is going to be this what if sensation, this what if surrounding the memories you could have made, the skills you could have built, the things you could have seen.

And I think that, you know, a relationship is important and we do care about someone. It doesn't mean that we need to give up all of our solo experiences and only do it with them. So hopefully I've made an argument for continuing to do this, you know, maintaining your independence through solo traveling, when you're in a relationship, it really ensures that your self-concept, this like overarching, fundamental idea of who you are, that that remains very, very strong.

So this is a really glamorous idea of solo travelling that we've painted so far, one of adventure, of self-discovery, of once-in-a-lifetime moments, but there are also hard moments, moments of doubt and loneliness. And I think that's worth discussing. I think it would be remiss of me to just paint this picture of Sunday. and rainbows and self-discovery, there will be hard times that we inevitably encounter, but we also have a lot of really deeply seated psychological tools to help us get through them. So we're going to talk about that and so much more, along with what happens when we return home.

What is post-solo travel shock? All of that after this short break. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter, and on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory.

We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world, are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO%.

On the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tapped Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people. I know what you're thinking. What the hell does George Bush to do a little kill.

Well, you can find out on the Look Back at it podcast. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick it here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 is big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talking about crack on day, but just so you all know. I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack.

So I'm starting to see that there's a through line. We also have AIDS on the table right now. Thank you for finishing that sentence. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Really? Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of mental health awareness month, I'm bringing over a decade. of my own experience in the middle health field and conversations with so many incredible guests. I'm talking. Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark. Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing, we get so wrapped up in the chase

that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing. And we're still chasing it. And we don't know when we've done enough. Because people scoreboard watch. Life becomes about wins and losses. Steve Burns, Dustin Ross. Because you find it important to be a good person while you hear on earth.

Are you a good person? because you're afraid. Because that's two different intentions, bro. Absolutely. And that's two different levels of trust. I want you to just really be a good person. Join me, Kear Gaines, as we have real conversations about healing,

growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, Learn the Hardway. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Learn the Hardway and listen now. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that follow

revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in so-ins, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern.

Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Lespian and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona.

Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Doing anything you learn. be tough, even when it has its perks. You know, people who solo travel a lot in their 20s, they will most likely tell you how rewarding it is. But if you dig a little deeper, some of the other things they may tell you to essentially be prepared for is the loneliness, the decision fatigue, the exhaustion, the fear of the unknown, maybe safety concerns, wanting to come home early. And also, I think, the pressure for personal growth. You feel like if you're solo traveling, you can't just have a normal trip. There has to be some greater personal

development goal that you are striving towards, some epiphany that needs to be had before you return home so that you can come home a changed person. So it doesn't sound like a challenge, but I think it kind of is because it influences the mindset that we bring into the trip. Let's walk through some of these challenges and how to feel more confident addressing them. Something that has always been comforting to me is that there have been thousands of people before me in this exact experience who have experienced the same sensations, the same anxieties and worries, and they've pushed through. They've always come back with more good stories than bad.

And also, you know, the best place to grow is right when you start feeling a little bit uncomfortable. You don't need to be so insanely uncomfortable that you want to leave. but a bit of discomfort, that's really stretching you as a person. And with that stretch, you grow. You know, without tension, without friction, nothing will ever challenge you. So I think the biggest thing that we are going to confront that will challenge us is loneliness. Without the companionship of friends or family, I think we feel quite isolated, especially in an unfamiliar environment when we don't even have those kind of small creature

comforts, there are definitely many times when you think it would be really nice to share this with someone. Or you go to sleep at the end of the day and you realize like, huh, I haven't actually said a word to anyone else this entire day. And it feels definitely very odd. But the loneliness can also be a really sacred and special element of this experience. For one, it's definitely the price you pay for more freedom. But additionally, you know, you get to really zone in on your inner world. There was a study done that assessed the importance of having this kind of alone time, not just when traveling, but in your everyday life and it assessed a sample of 150 people. And what it did was it asked them to prioritize spending an hour alone for three weeks, only three weeks,

an hour every day. So those who did this, those who went through with it, they felt so much more introspective, they actually had more social energy, they felt more in touch with themselves. Some people are never going to get that. You know, the noises and the voices they hear in their head, they will never just be their own. Like imagine that, imagine spending your whole life, never knowing what you would think or do or see or believe if no one else was there. And if you solo travel, you will never have to wonder that. You will never have to wonder. Also, just because you solo travel doesn't mean you need to solitary travel. Like there's a big distinction here between being completely solitary and isolated and just

going into the trip alone. So book a group tour for a day. Stay in a social hostel. Even if you have your own room or you're in a smaller bunk space, you could travel with someone that you meet for a few days and then leave them at your next destination. So don't fall into the trap of believing that the purpose of this trip is to be isolated. it's definitely not, it's just to be self-directed. I also find that people who start travel Instagrams love that, love that for them.

I love seeing people's like photo dumps of where they are. And when you're a solo traveler, it means that you do still feel connected to people back home. You don't feel like people are forgetting about you. You don't feel as lonely. You can still have that kind of ongoing communication with people about what you are experiencing, what you are learning. Another big thing that we face that I don't actually hear talked about a lot is decision fatigue. Making every single choice for yourself, every single day, from, you know, what am I going to eat, what sites am I going to see, where am I going to stay, how am I going to get there?

That can be exhausting. And solo travelers often face more decisions, not just logistical decisions, but also spontaneous decisions day in and day out. So our cognitive capacity for making decisions is actually rather limited. Each choice you are going to make, no matter how small, it does deplete your mental energy. And what's more is that, you know, everyday environment, you know, when you're at home, you make basically the same choices every day. You take the same route home from work. You have the same routine.

You go to the same gym, the same cafes. Everything is typically familiar. And so when you are traveling by yourself, things that we teach, typically wouldn't have to think about, like, how do I catch the train? How do I pay for the train? What's on the menu? You know, suddenly we have to think a little bit harder about those things, and that is going to contribute to your cognitive overload. This can definitely make us more tired, a little bit irritable at times, anxious. But the worst thing, the worst consequence of this, I believe at least, is that it can lead to indecision and avoidance. I don't know if you've

ever found yourself in this situation before at home, but you know when you just have so many options of what you could do in a day, you know, you could do chores, you could see a friend, you could go to the gym, go out for dinner, and because you have so many options, you're just like, I just don't want to do any of them. You know, it's not possible to decide which one would be best, so I'm just not going to make a decision at all. That can happen when you're traveling. And the consequence of decision fatigue in this environment is that actually you feel quite let down. You feel like you should be seeing more. The easiest way to counteract this is to actually do the counterintuitive thing and give yourself less choice. I know we speak about, you know, solo traveling and talk about how it's all

about freedom, but imposing some restrictions on yourself may actually mean you get more out of it. you know, eating breakfast at the same places every day or having that breakfast spot, that's really smart because that's one decision that isn't going to overload you cognitively and you can use that mental energy, those resources to make a better decision. The other thing that I do is that I make a list of 10 things. When I go on a trip, say the trip is two weeks long, I make a list of 10 things that I really want to do. And I make a rough itinerary that still leaves me like, three to four days of having nothing scheduled, but during those days, I know kind of what I'm

going to do. I have a loose plan, and I make sure that things are in the same area. So once I'm out of the house, there is kind of a continuity between where I'm going and my experiences. I also think it's really important here when you're facing decision fatigue. Often that comes from a sensation or a deep feeling that you need to make the perfect decision, right? This is such a sacred experience. You're solo traveling. You're in this new country. There's so much to do. I don't want to miss out. I want to make sure that I come back with a good story. I want to make sure that I see everything, do everything. What do I do first? Don't aim for perfection. Even people who live in their cities, their whole lives never see half the things that you want to see. So just know that actually some of the best experiences do come from being quite spontaneous. They do come from just getting out of the house with no plan or just choosing one thing to really focus on for the day. This is not an assignment. This is not a piece of work.

This is not anything that needs to be perfect for someone else to judge or for someone else to see. It's actually really fascinating. We talk about decision fatigue and how it can be really hard for solo travelers. But actually, when solo travelers return home, they report how difficult it is to adjust to having to consider other people. Because you're so used to being self-directed in these environments, you come back and your family's like, let's go out for breakfast

and you're like, great, we're going to go here. And suddenly it's like, no, no, I want to go here. I want to go there. And it can actually be quite frustrating for solo travelers. It's often this sense of like a shock of returning to a system or returning to a situation or an environment in which you do actually now have to consider other people again. So the final difficulty I think we face when,

contemplating solo exploring. It's a deeply human one and it's a fear of the unknown. And with that can come a heavy dose of catastrophizing, right? This is the biggest thing that I think people bring up when you say, you should solo travel. Solo travel is so worthwhile. It's what if I'm kidnapped? What if I get lost? What if I get robbed? What if something terrible happens? What if no one knows where I am? Our brain takes the unknown and it likes to make a mess of it, likes to make it its little fantasy playground. of all the worst things possible that our brain can conjure up. That is anxiety. That is a survival mechanism.

It is not the truth. I want you to remember, though, it is a very valid concern. Safety is a valid concern. But everything in life is a risk. There is fear embedded in everything that we do, even getting out of bed, even walking out of our front door. You though, you were not put on this earth to play it safe. And you were not put on this earth to only go where it's

comfortable because that would mean that you really never grow you never move from where you are now things can go wrong they do grow wrong but when you have your wits about you when you do the common sense things you still are a lot more capable than you know and the very nature of solo travelling is to show you that you know what you're doing that you are capable strong independent you have that mental toughness, you have that adaptability, that flexibility. So those experiences and the thought of those experiences can be scary. But firstly, you're very unlikely to encounter them. Secondly, when you do, you will realize that you are a lot more capable in that moment.

It's not as scary as you thought it would be. And I think finally, when you have common sense, when you just do basic safety things, like having an anti-pick pocket bag, registering with your embassy, telling people where you're going, a lot of that risk is definitely minimized. So I want to finish up with just some general advice, some fast, rapid fire tips from me to you, but also from some of the audience, some of the listeners who are solo traveler pros. This piece of advice, I believe in 100%. it's to set intentions, not expectations.

When you have really high expectations for something, you are always going to be disappointed, not because the experiences are better or worse, but because your expectations tint your perspective. They tint how you see things. So focus on what you're hoping to learn, what you're hoping to experience, what you're hoping to get out of it emotionally and psychologically,

rather than rigidly planning every detail and being like, you know if you're in Paris like I have to go to the Apple Tower and I have to see it lit up because that's on my bucket list and it's going to be beautiful and magical and everything needs to be perfect your expectations are too high set them low be like I just want to have a nice time I want to have a nice meal I want to meet some new people I want to walk around I want to see a sunset more general ideas of what the trip could be so don't plan everything remember that you have freedom so if you you're not enjoying where you are, if you're not enjoying your accommodation, you're not enjoying the country, the city, the suburb, the neighborhood that you're in, move on. You don't have to

ask anyone for permission. That's the beauty of this. If you are not having fun, just leave. And I always say this, you know, it can be hard when you've already paid for a hotel, you've paid for an experience. This is what I always say. You can either waste your money and do something else or you can waste your money and your time. And that is a double whammy. You can waste your money while, you know, you're still doing an experience. You're still staying somewhere you don't enjoy and you've already spent the money on the thing. But then you're also wasting your time because you could have been using those hours, those days to be somewhere else, somewhere better, somewhere that you may have enjoyed more. Rest, please, take a break. I did an episode, I think at the start of

the year on travel burnout for people who solo travel a lot. it's a real thing. You put a lot of pressure on yourself to be go, go, go, you've spent all this money. You want to see everything, do everything, taste everything. It sounds strange. Rest will make those experiences better. My general rule is that for every four days that you are doing something, take one day to do nothing. Take one day or even a half day to just walk around, take it easy, have a nice meal, have a sleep in.

it will really mean that you get more out of the trip. And finally, bring a journal along and try and do an entry every night or every morning reflecting on the previous experiences. This is a really great way to see how you're growing, to remember the realizations that you're having when you get home. It's also just a great historical document to have the older you get. I think about this all the time, you know, my kids being able to read what I've written, a museum getting a hold of it, maybe some future human finding it tucked into a drawer of some antique

piece of furniture that's probably from IKEA, but they don't know that. Like, I really like that idea of the memories that I've had taking on some permanence. So I would really encourage you, get a really nice journal and use it. I hope that you've enjoyed this episode. I hope that I've made a compelling argument for solo traveling in your 20s and also giving you a bit of a pep talk if you are someone who's solo travel. on what to do on those hard days, why it's all worth it at the end, how to elevate the experience. It genuinely is something that I deeply believe that we should all do, even if it's just going

on a camping trip two hours away from home. It's accessible and available to everyone, hopefully in some capacity. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure that you leave a comment, you leave a review, hopefully a five-star review, if you would be so kind. I do read everything that you guys say. It makes my day. I spend like a couple of minutes or like 20 minutes every day just reading through the new reviews, reading through the comments you guys are leaving on Spotify. So thank you to all of you who are giving feedback, telling us what you think. Make sure you are also following us on Instagram at That Psychology Podcast. You can learn more about the topics that we talk about on the show. We go more in depth.

We talk about some of the studies. And I give you. the options to choose new episodes to give your import to talk about your experiences. So we would love to see you over there. And until next time, stay safe, stay kind. And please be gentle to yourself. We will talk very, very soon. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the hard way with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit are armored.

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