The Psychology of your 20s - 290. The complicated psychology of PMS

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

PMS can be a bit of a black box - we know we don't feel right, we know the days and weeks before our period can be sluggish, but we don't really know why because we aren't taught what's actually going on in our bodies. In today's episode, we break down the real psychology of PMS, including:  Do you have PMS, PMDD or PME? What's the difference? Why we confuse PMS and depression/anxiety  The interactions between PMS & ADHD  The role of serotonin, estrogen and GABA  The misconceptions about PMS and dealing with the shame  Some of the best mental hacks for tackling PMS + more Listen now!    PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [e-mail]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of course break down the psychology of your 20s. Before we get into this endlessly fascinating episode, I wanted to briefly talk. about something exciting and that is that my book is coming out on the 29th of April as I am recording this that is 21 days away which is insane to say out loud three weeks that is that's just amazing to me that in three weeks I will be a published author but if you didn't already know I have written a book called person in progress a roadmap to the psychology of

your 20s and it is exactly what the title says. It is an intricate psychological deep dive into everything that you would ever want to know about this decade. How to find your calling, how to find love, why it's so hard to find love, friendship breakups, taking risks, healing your inner child, authenticity, like I could go on and on and on, but one day, hopefully very soon, you'll have the opportunity to read it yourself. And it is my, humble request today that if you enjoy this podcast, if you have gotten something out of it, that you pre-order my book. Not only will you be getting more of the content that you hopefully love, but it really does support me. And, you know, book writing is not a money-making game.

Like, you don't really expect to make anything from writing a book. It's all just a bonus. So it's not about the money, I would just be so very grateful if you could support my work, share it with a friend, hopefully pre-order, but even just read the blurb online. Like any small act, any small support of this insane endeavor would be incredible. And I want to thank you in advance for showing up for the book, for hopefully reading it, hopefully gifting it. And I also want to express like some desperate extreme gratitude for giving me this opportunity. There is no if so buts about it. I would not have written a book if it was not for the psychology of your 20s listeners.

And that is so apparent to me every single day. So I just want to say I am so grateful and I'm so excited to hear your thoughts about it, to see what you think and to, yeah, hopefully be able to provide you with even more of a roadmap to this confusing time. Okay, with all that in mind, without further ado, what are we talking about today? Because we're not talking about my book. We're talking about something very, very different. We're talking about the psychology of pre-menstrual syndrome, PMS. We are talking about this black box of hormones and mood swings and rage and acne and so many other things that impact a whole lot of people, but which I don't think I even really understood until

a year ago. You know, I've had my period since I was 13, but something that I've noticed is that we actually know very little about our bodies on an individual scale. There are very few guides or times when somebody is going to sit down with you and just say, this is what's happening at your body at certain times of the month. This is why you feel this way. This is what your hormones do. This is how they influence mood. This is what you're is actually happening in this vessel that you have. You know, we're just expected to deal with it, even when it impacts our well-being, without ever actually having the information, that could actually make it better.

But today I want to hopefully provide that guide to you around PMS and PMDD so that you can know yourself and know your body better and know how it interacts with your psychology because learning this in your 20s, you know, it's such an important time for you to start taking these kinds of things seriously and to start really feeling in touch with your body. And it's a great time to be reintroduced to so many ideas and concepts that we haven't even really spoken about since puberty, but a constant reality for us. So, yes, we're talking PMS, we're talking PMDD and we're talking periods, specifically the psychology behind why that period of time before our period takes such a toll and what's creating

that, but also how to manage those fluctuations, the frustration, maybe even the shame we feel, the mental impact, the stigma, and also some more niche questions like should you break up with your partner during your luteal phase? Probably not. Is PMS a good defense for murder? Also, no, we've got like so many niche things to talk about. Hopefully I have. you hooked, but I am going to stop rambling now and just get into the science and the psychology of PMS. Stay with us. Okay, so our bodies and hormones and periods are so complex and seriously different for everyone. You know, I've never met two individuals who have the same experiences with their uteruses. So if you experience PMS, it's going to be different as well. But with that in

mind, with that caveat being said, let's just start with some really basic factual information about PMS. Now, we're not going to go too much into the medical side of things because that's not my area of expertise, but the basic explanation of PMS is this. PMS basically describes a set of symptoms or changes that occur before your period. And it's estimated that about three quarters of people who get their period, experience at least one change that would fall under the umbrella of PMS, even if it's not noticeable to us. So let's go through some of these changes because they are both emotional and physical and psychological.

I'm going to start with the ones that I would say are seemingly most common. The most common ones are tension and anxiety, a depressed mood, crying spells, bloating, acne, but then also mood swings, irritability, appetite and craving changes, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, poor concentration, change in libido, social withdrawal, just to name a few. You know, some people even describe wanting to break up with their partner during their luteal phase right before their period and they kind of attribute it to their PMS. In fact, it's actually common for people who get their periods to have more concerns about their relationship right before they menstruate because they can be a lot more sensitive or aware of interpersonal problems.

I think more irritable in general and we'll explain why that is because it's certainly not just because women are too emotional, it's a real hormonal thing, but a recent study conducted at UCLA did find that women evaluate their relationships differently at different times in their cycle. Sometimes, even finding their partners less attractive right before their period. But that doesn't necessarily mean they want to break up with them or are less committed. It's just a lot more complicated than that, and it can just create a lot of nuanced feelings. And if you're someone who has a lot of relationship anxiety, sometimes that time right before your period,

it's really important to be aware of the fact that you are going to experience heightened sensitivity and doubts. And how can you stay neutral in the face of that, knowing that there's another factor contributing? We're going to talk about that in a second. But another interesting symptom that I'm sure a lot of us are familiar with is changes in body image, our views towards our bodies change significantly for many women before the period. In fact, this probably won't come as a surprise. Our body image and our appraisal of our body typically gets worse. Now, studies have shown this as early as the 80s and 90s, and it's not just because

we're bloated, obviously that's a factor. It's because body image is a part of our self-concept. And our self-concept is regulated by our brain and to an extent our nervous system and how we're feeling. So when our nervous system is dysregulated because of hormonal changes, our opinion of our self will also change. For me, I always experience this. I always feel, you know, there's really no better word than like disgusting. Like I feel disgusting and ugly and like a monster right before my period and everything time like on the dot three days before i'll be like wow i have never felt more swollen and i've never

felt uglier and i just feel disgusting and like i'm going to feel like this way forever and then it's like oh bam i get my period and it explains it all and i still i still have this issue of not being able to put two and two together like really my body my lack of body confidence only really comes around the time I get my period and it comes almost every single month and yet I'm still surprised when suddenly I feel awful. I don't know if you can relate but I do feel like for many of us we are still shocked by the fact that our bodies and our minds are going to react to the fact that we go through an entire life cycle every month. And seriously, that is what it is. When you get your period, you are at the end of that life cycle. That's the same.

That's how your entire reproductive system is operating. That is why when you were about to get your period, it does feel like a kind of death. Like it feels like you're dying. Do you know what I mean? And then once ovulation comes back around, you know, you're practically buzzing because that's like the prime days of your egg's life, you know? And it's all a cycle of rebirth and renewal and death and life. And hopefully this explanation makes sense to you.

but it does just show why PMS can be so debilitating but also frustrating. Sometimes it feels like your body is almost punishing you in a real way. Like, okay, well, you didn't get pregnant. Here, this can be your punishment for not doing what we think you should be doing. But again, it's all part of that very important cycle of birth and death that are occurring in our bodies, which I think is quite spectacular when you think about it. I think that's just incredible that that is something that occurs. So something else to note, fun fact, maybe not so fun, but PMS symptoms will actually get worse the older we get.

And the closer we get to menopause and perimenopause. But once we pass over into menopause, it will stop. That approach though is when it's going to be at its most intense and that makes sense because our hormones, they change the older we get and they fluctuate more rapidly. The closer we get to menopause due to this decline in ovarian function. but a lot of individuals have spoken about this, have spoken about how the older they got, the more they felt that they were sensitive to these hormonal changes. Maybe that's something you can relate to.

You know, the first 10 years of you getting your period, you never noticed it. And now suddenly there are these emotional parts of this process that you never had to deal with before. Okay, so there's just some basic information about PMS. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about PMS's, I don't know, angry assister, premenstrual, dysphoric disorder, PMDD. So, PMDD is basically a severe form of PMS. It shows up a lot less in the population around, you know, estimates are 2 to 5%, but it is extremely debilitating. A lot of people who have PMDD

Describe it as being like a switch that gets flicked in their brain And suddenly in the week or, you know, two weeks before their period, Instantly, it's like their whole body has been switched with someone else's in a second. You know, they will go from sitting at the dinner table being completely content and peaceful and happy one second. And then in a click of their fingers, they feel overwhelming rage. they feel paranoia, frustration, deep sadness, like anxiety that won't go away and can't be improved,

and it feels awful and terrible, and then just as quickly as it started, it's over. You know, I actually saw someone describe PMDD in their case as like a temporary psychosis each month. You know, it's this scary and terrifying thing for them and for many, many people. And because of that, sometimes it can, lead to a misdiagnosis where there are cases of people being diagnosed with very extreme mental health conditions that they don't actually have, but the intensity of their PMDD symptoms

are such that doctors feel like there are no other explanations. Nowadays, PMD is actually classified as a psychiatric disorder in the DSM-5. It's under the umbrella of depressive disorders, so you can get a formal diagnosis. if you wish, but it is definitely a struggle identifying whether it's PMDD or some other form of condition. And a lot of individuals have explained to me that actually before they were diagnosed with PMDD, they were diagnosed with anxiety, with schizophrenia, with depression. And then finally, someone said, do you think it's this? And they had their answer. So you might be thinking at this stage, well is it really all that different from depression or bipolar how can we tell and do they really need a

different diagnosis and yes they are very very different because with PMDD symptoms of depression of anxiety of BPD of whatever other condition in which there is of which there is a similarity they are only present when you are at a specific stage of your cycle but they will almost completely disappear afterwards. Yes, sometimes an individual may be struggling with the aftermath of what occurred during that week and they may feel like they have to repair some damages or they're just so tired from how intense everything was. But that doesn't mean that their symptoms are lasting for the entire four weeks, which means that they are never really in a period of depression or anxiety long enough if it's coming from PMDD for them to be classified with

anything but PMDD. Now, I want to talk about this because I think it's important to note. Some people have suggested that premenstrual dysphoric disorder shouldn't be classified as a psychiatric disorder because it's just pathologizing normal hormonal fluctuations and it makes women seem crazy. And when that debate was around and coming up, there were hundreds and hundreds of letters written by doctors, OBGYN, psychiatrists, psychologists behind,

whether or not it should or shouldn't have been included. Some of the arguments are very valid. Like, you know, some feminist scholars, they did say it could be used to silence women. It could feed into like a hysteria. a traditional hysteria mindset. Some people didn't say there wasn't enough differentiation. But you know what?

The level of hormonal fluctuations needed to occur to make someone suicidal or unable to leave bed or to keep a job is not normal. That's not pathologizing something normal. And a diagnosis is not only validating, but it is a way to get the help you need. It helps people also feel seen. and acknowledged by the medical community because they have some kind of label that feels respected. And if we can have a formal diagnosis, we can actually start seeing the true prevalence of PMDD, which also assists in increased research funding, increased awareness, which is really, really essential.

And given how little attention female health gets in general, like there are more studies done on male baldness than PCOS and endometriosis combined. Like, I think we could do with a little bit more visibility for female health concerns. PMDD and PMS, just to say this one last time, though, they are different. They are very different. And PMDD is a lot more extreme. So if PMS was in the DSM, I would understand why people have issues. But PMDDD is a serious condition. PMS is as well, but PMDD in particular does require a lot of additional assistance.

So I think having a proper diagnosis means that a lot of women will no longer have to have the experience of going to the doctor saying, this is how my life feels. It feels like everything is falling apart in this cyclical way. And people just assuming, oh, you're just PMSing. They just push through it. Take a bath. As if PMS in itself is something that's always going to be easily manageable. So there's one more term I need to introduce here that's separate from PMS and. PMDD and it's called premenstrual exacerbation. So if you have an existing mental health condition

like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, even something like ADHD, you may notice that your symptoms or conditions get worse in the lead up to your period compared to what you're accustomed to. Suddenly, you know, your anxiety level is at a 10. You feel empty. Psychotic symptoms may even worsen as well. It's not that your symptoms are only occurring during that week. They're always present unlike PMDD. It's just that just before your period, they get so much worse and it becomes so much harder to deal with. So now that we're across these three distinct terms and conditions, let's go right back to PMS and talk about the why. What is responsible for the psychological changes, like sudden irritation, like trouble concentrating, like anxiety, brain fog, and then the secondary

impact of shame and feeling like any kind of visible emotion will have you taken less seriously or respected less. Where does this come from? So there's two hormones we need to be really familiar with here and you've probably already heard of them, of course, estrogen and progesterone. Very, very common. You probably heard of them when it comes to your birth control actually because estrogen and progesterone, well, essentially they're primarily responsible for reproduction, for puberty, for pregnancy, if you do get pregnant, for menopause, for your period, for your cycle. And wherever you are in your period will determine the level of either of these hormones.

So during ovulation, estrogen is typically very high, which contributes to why your skin is glowing, why your hair is radiant, why you feel incredible because more estrogen means greater chances of getting pregnant, so biologically you want to attract a mate. After ovulation, though, progesterone levels rise sharply while estrogen dips, leading to a lot of physiological and neurobiological changes. So, researchers have shown that particularly less progesterone in particular does change how our brain operates and feels. Particularly, it changes how we process and regulate levels of serotonin in the brain. So serotonin is the happy hormone, the happy chemical.

And in order for it to be released at a proper rate and to be received at a proper rate inside the brain, a certain level of progesterone needs to be available. Now, of course, when that dips before our period, suddenly the systems in place that are releasing serotonin, which are used to a certain level of progesterone, no longer have that level. And so it feels like it's squeezing juice out of already juiced orange. Some further information and studies that we need to be aware of also indicate that progesterone influences the gabber receptors in the brain, which are involved in regulating anxiety and mood. So if you listen to our anxiety episode, you'll understand what Gabba is. Gabba is an inhibitor in our brain. So it provides a calming effect.

But if progesterone rises after ovulation and then steadily drops off right before our period and naturally drops, that means that GABA receptors, much like serotonin receptors, aren't being coaxed as much or activated as much. so our reception of Gabba declines, meaning that we are more anxious as a result, because glutamate, which has an exonerary effect, doesn't have its counterbalance. Basically, we need Gabba to stay calm, but Gabba can only be read by the brain with the help of progesterone. So when there's less, the neurochemicals that make us feel naturally anxious aren't being regulated or met with as much resistance. Now, this is what creates a lot of the emotional and psychological symptoms of PMS. Something to note, these hormonal changes, they're totally normal. In fact, it's an important part of that life and death cycle we talked about before.

So why is it you might be asking, if this is normal, why do I feel so terrible? And why is it that some of us, you know, never experience PMS, but others of us have debilitating PMDD symptoms. Like where does this variation come from? Well, according to a study published in the Lancet, back in I think 2009 actually, women with PMS, it's not that their hormones are changing more rapidly, it's that they have an increased sensitivity to even minute hormone changes. And because of this, what for some people would be easily dismissed by our brain, feels like an entire psychological, emotional, neurochemical earthquake. The shift from having certain levels of chemicals available

to having just even slightly less hormones or chemicals available feels a lot more magnified in certain people and those certain people are more likely to develop PMS and PMDD. This was backed by another review in psychoneuroctranolylogy. And in this journal, this paper suggested that, again, it's not hormonal fluctuations that cause PMS. They are just the catalyst. It's how they're processed and how our neuroendocrine system reads those messages.

The messages are the same. But sometimes the part of us that is meant to read these messages doesn't read them very well, causing those emotional and physical shifts. Sometimes, you know, it's just because that's how you were born. It's the part of your genetic blueprint that's difficult to explain the same way that some people need glasses. Some people's neuroendocrine system probably also needs glasses so that it can properly read, interpret, understand, regulate the hormonal changes that come with, you know, being on your period, that come with your menstrual cycle.

So the biggest theory is that a large contributor to having severe PMS symptoms or PMDD does come down to genetics, but there's also something else involved. Circumstances like trauma can actually trigger the emergence of PMS both in early life and later in life. So the study I'm about to talk about blew my mind when I first read it. And I don't think we can say that often happens for studies about genetic irregularities and mutations. Like it's pretty much pretty boring. I don't know, maybe you're a geneticist and you're like, no, it's so fascinating. But in general reading about genetic codes, it's not like going to an amusement park. But this one article about PMDD, I really think like the explanation given in it could change lives. And it was

published in 2022. And it found that many of us actually contain a certain genetic code that would predispose us to PMDD. But it never gets switched on. In most of us, it lays dormant. So we don't go on to develop PMDD. But some of us are not so lucky. And what switches on this genetic code is, well, it's trauma. The stress and change of trauma for some reason has this impact of activating this mutation. And it's a mutation that a lot of us have. But like I said, only, you know, I think it's less than 5% of us in and us like it will ever be activated.

5%. And in this study, they identified this gene, and they found that 83% of the women in their sample of randomly selected PMDD patients, they had experienced some kind of trauma. The most common being early life trauma and emotional abuse. Now, those rates in the circle of women with PMDD is so much higher than the rate of trauma in the general population. You know, they say the body keeps the score and in this case, oh my gosh, is it true? And I've seen so many people reacting to the study who have said, I knew it. I knew something was different about me in the way my body worked. One individual I read an account from, she even talked about how her PMDD only began after a particularly traumatic relationship in a car accident. And suddenly it seemed the gene was activated. She said in this, recount, like, I can see a distinct before and after. And researchers are still trying to get to the why of this all and understand this further.

But I think for a lot of people who have experienced PMDD or extreme PMS for a long time, sometimes this explanation is validating enough. Sometimes you can really find some solace in the fact that, you know, it wasn't you. that your body is behaving differently beyond your control and from the past, from something that occurred to you. So yes, it's a combination of predisposition, but also environment that it makes PMS and PMDD specifically more likely to emerge. There are some other risk factors that we should mention, including smoking, poor physical health, but also thyroid problems, because our thyroid is responsible for the release of progestrone. And so if it's not functioning, we may encounter

problems. A lot of this is coming back to our neuroendocrine system. And you know, you do see a lot of stuff being like, it's because of your diet, and it's because of this and that and you're not taking the right supplements and all these things. I think that actually it's a lot more complex than that. And if that previous study had anything to say, like it links back to so many things that happen to us rather than things that we are actively doing to ourselves. So I really don't like this narrative that blames women who have PMS or PMDD with poor lifestyle choices. And that's why it's occurring and you could so easily change your lifestyle and it would all

fall away for you. That's definitely not the case. Maybe only about 5, 10% of truth in that statement. So hopefully this explanation makes some kind of sense to you. It's given you more clarity over very invisible workings in your body below the surface. We are going to take a quick break right now. But when we return, we are going to talk science-back tips, when in your cycle is the best time to make decisions,

how to manage unhelpful feelings and thoughts associated with PMS or PMDD, and so, so much more. So please stay with us. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter, and on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more,

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This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Dealing with PMS and PMDD was described to me by a listener as Sisyphus pushing his rock up the hill. Every month you have to deal with the same roller coaster. Every month it feels like you are at the behest of some hidden emotional forces and it's frustrating and it's exhausting and it feels like it will never be over and never be okay. sometimes there's even an anger there anger at your body for doing what it's meant to do but being so inconvenient about it you know it doesn't seem to care about your life or your professional engagements

or your plans or your relationship or your mental stability none of the above that coupled with the fact that you know well we've spoken about this already but the medical system in general takes health problems typically associated with women and likes to ignore them for as long as possible and be dismissive and say you're overreacting or have you tried exercise or two padenols should do the trick, you know, that on top of it makes it even more tricky. There's also this sense that if you have PMS, if you are struggling with an emotional tidal wave, you better conceal that. You better keep that way down, especially in the workplace, especially around people who won't understand because you don't want to be seen as hysterical,

you don't want to be seen as weak. You don't want to be seen as too emotional because our society has really devalued specific traits that appear associated or are associated with being a woman. So that is definitely the cherry on top that none of us asked for. With all that in mind, though, I wanted to bring together, yes, some of the best advice I could find for how to help yourself psychologically and mentally for that period where your brain feels like it has been switched with someone else's and some

wires across without you knowing. How can you do more than just wait it out? A philosophy I have in my life is that the more you know, the less you can be misled. When it comes to our bodies, that has never been more true. Now, I don't want you to misconstrue my words and say like, oh, you shouldn't get advice from a doctor. like you if you've read 20 books about PMS you know more than a specialist like not the case it's obviously great to educate yourself and to know more but we're specifically talking about knowing

your own body better so if you have been struggling with PMS the best thing you can do is start keeping a feelings and emotions journal or app tracker any form of i don't know information gathering when it comes to your symptoms. You know, that can be synced up to your period app if you use one, but also separately. The app that I love is called MindDoc and it's incredible. It basically offers you check-ins and helps you to identify emotional patterns in this really cool mathematical, graphical, visual way.

So if you're a visual processor, if having a visual map of how you're feeling on certain days over a period of time, be helpful, that is definitely a good option for you. But I also find it really, really validating even just to journal about it. And I find it validating because I'm able to say through noticing these patterns, oh, okay, this is linked to a known part of my cycle where I feel terrible. I don't need to beat myself up over this the way that I have been doing. I know it will pass. I don't need to think that it's going to last forever. This happens every month, and I know it because here is my information.

You know, sometimes our lives are so busy and hectic and overstimulating that we fall out of sync with how our body feels. And so when things do come up, headaches, mood swings, hormonal changes, anchor, we feel shocked and stressed by it because we haven't been expecting it because we haven't been paying attention to where we are in the cycle of our periods, where we are in our bodies at any given moment. So it's really, really important that if you're struggling to get more information about the cycles presenting in your body than you already have.

My next tip is to focus on sleep hygiene. So I interviewed a doctor recently for the show, Dr. Mark Hyman, and his episode is coming out very, very soon, but something he said to, to me that has become a fixation point of mind in the last however many days is that if he have to go back to 20 and tell himself one piece of advice, it would be to sleep more. And if you have PMS or PMDD in particular, the studies have shown time and time again. Seven to nine hours every night is not an option. It's an essential. And it's what your body needs to be able to restore itself. And it definitely needs that during your ludial phase,

when your cells and your mind and your uterus and your whole body is under even more stress. You're probably thinking, yeah, okay, whatever, great advice. I'm busy, I've heard it before, I've tried that. To which I say, please try again, because which discomfort is worse to you? The discomfort of not having, you know, a few extra 30 minutes of screen time before bed or finding it harder to regulate your emotions. sleep hygiene is so important here are like three really simple ways you can do that really low effort that i just need you to try i've tried they work like a charm number one i need you to get an old-fashioned

alarm clock number two i need you to keep your phone out of your room number three don't watch tv or movies or whatever else on your laptop ipad phone in your bed all of these help create a distinction between the spaces and the times when you are meant to be awake and alert and the times when you are meant to be restful and sleeping. And this change costs you the price of an alarm clock from a $2 store. And it could even help you live longer, if not make your PMS feel more manageable. I would also say try and create a soft, gentle routine for yourself during that week or that period for you of intense symptoms. Now what does that look like?

That needs to look like. Less intense socializing. Less drinking, hopefully zero drinking. More working from home if you can. Less jeans, more leggings. Give yourself the gift of 10 more minutes to get ready in the morning. 10 more minutes to slow down at night to get places on time. Prioritize less activities during your day.

Now, this last one is huge for me because I don't know if you can relate to this, but as someone who is, you know, I would say has some high achiever perfectionist tendencies, giving myself just a break from a big schedule, a high load schedule, is very, very difficult. But, you know, literally the other day I went to a Pilates class and I was in such a bad mood. I was just, you know, I had all these PMS symptoms. And halfway through, I was just feeling so irritated. And I left. I got up.

I said, thank you to the teacher. I was like, it's not you. It's me. And I went away. I went away and I went home and I just got into bed because that's what my body was calling for me to do. Even if my mind wanted me to be more efficient or productive. I find really that my capacity to do more and even my capacity to be around others declines right before my period. I find that I don't have the same bandwidth to be present,

to reciprocate energy-wise, to monitor others' emotions, to deal with my own frustrations. I have less space for empathy because I am so irritated and there's normally a lot on my mind. Now, this has nothing to do with the other person. They're just existing. It is everything to do with me and how wired and raw my nerves feel, which can just make me, I'm sure I'm pleasant to be around and it makes me feel more drained. So going slowly means subtracting rather than adding things onto my plate during a time when I know stress is going to be heightened for me. And even sometimes avoiding things that I would typically find enjoyable just for a few days for some solo time. Also, you need to be dilly-dallying more.

You need to be less rushed towards. certain goals or certain chores of getting things done, especially during this period. I need you to just relish the act of slowing down, of being more present, of walking around without music in your ears, without too many freaking, what are they called, tote bags on you, trying to get from one place to the other feeling completely overwhelmed. We are about softness, we are about slowing down, we are about long-term sustainability and self-sufficiency rather than burning way too bright, way too fast. Also, another part of this is just focus on low-impact exercises because there have been studies,

including one from 2024, that have suggested that things like kit workouts actually spike progesterone and then cause it to, as a counterbalance, rapidly decline later on, which we know will end up impacting GABA levels and lead to more anxiety, which is already at a low during the stage of the cycle. So take your rest days, go for a long walk instead. You don't need to push yourself when your body is asking for rest. In fact, it's demanding rest. You've got to lean into what each period of your cycle actually calls for you to do

based on the instincts of your body and where you're going to seek comfort. This is also more of a behavioral tip, but don't make any big, decisions during this time. Consider them, make a plan for them, don't act until you feel clear-headed. Now, this isn't to say that women are hysterical and not to be trusted because their period makes them do crazy hysterical things. Like, no, that's quite a harmful narrative. I just think on a personal level, you want to know when your brain, specifically your emotional brain, is going to be at it's best. You want to know when your brain is going to be most capable and smart and really hone in on those times to make big decisions, to question big things. When you're on your period

or right before, it's just going to be all wrapped up in additional anxiety and stress and tension. And I think it's not going to help you feel confident in the decision, even if it's the right one. So know when to trust your instincts versus understand that something is an impulse and structure decision making and planning around those peaks and troughs of your cycle and of your mental state. I think handling PMS or PMDD is all about just ease and the path of least resistance and what's going to make things simpler for you when your mind and your body is feeling chaotic. I also would suggest you think about getting professional help and not just from your family doctor but someone who really knows what they're talking about there are so many more treatments now you don't need to despair over your PMS or your PMDD taking over your life there are so many more options and just

organizing a time where you can go and learn about some of those hear what someone else has to say about your condition maybe even be validated in what you've been experiencing is So, so important. Some final two tips. If you have a partner, invite them to share your period app details or like invite them to follow along for you. I don't know. Like what is it? Like join your cycle app.

Join your cycle up so they can see peaks and troughs understand when to bring up arguments, when to bring up small things better for both of you so that you're not constantly in a state of conflict. I also sometimes do this with my friends. You just understand each other better. You know what the other person needs. You can mediate and moderate conversation and expectations and communication and plans so much better. When you do just have a more in depth understanding of what everyone's current emotional capacity and emotional state is like. And have empathy for yourself.

You know, your body is so complex. Like it's one of the most complex things to exist. and there is nobody in the world who can possibly understand every single reaction and thing that goes on below the surface that you are forced to feel. Like PMS dials every single tiny reaction up to 100 and has you feel them all at once. And it's tricky and it's hard. It's also something that others are going through and you can find the light in it. There are so many more resources, so many more ways,

and opportunities to be open in our communication, to talk about it, and to make this condition, both PMS and PMDD, more visible and not a weakness, just in addition to our lives that we have to navigate as expertly as possible. Okay, we're going to take one more quick break, and then when we return, we are going to move on to our listener questions. If you aren't familiar with this segment of the show, because it is relatively new, a couple months ago, I started inviting listeners to ask their own personal questions when it comes to our topics just to make sure that we cover what people are actually interested in and some of the

more niche questions that you may have for us. So we are going to take a quick little pause. And when we return, we have some juicy questions, some great questions from my lovely, lovely listeners. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter, and on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are

freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO percent on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tapped Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people. I know what you're thinking. What? The hell does George Bush got to do a little count? Well, you can find out on The Look Back at it podcast. I'm Sam Jay.

And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick it here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 is big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talk about crack on day, but just so you all know. I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack. so I'm starting to see that there's a through line. We also have AIDS on the table right now.

Thank you for finishing that sentence. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Really? Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, care games. And in recognition of mental health awareness month,

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Absolutely. And that's two different levels of trust. I want you to just really be a good person. Join me, Kear Gaines, as we have real conversations about healing, growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, learn the hard way. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Learn the Hardway and listen now.

In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd, found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in someone, correct? I doctored the test ones.

It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through, the same thing. Greg, the lesbian,

Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen,

breaking news at Maricopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Traped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. The listener questions this week were so good. They were so amazing. I was very intrigued to dig a little bit of deeper into what you guys want to know. We're going to start with this question, which I found so fascinating. How would PMS interact with ADHD? So I consulted some really interesting articles about this, specifically a paper from

23. And what it suggested is that having ADHD and PMS is, and this is literally their words, this is a direct quote from this article, a double whammy. Whereby symptoms of ADHD are more likely to increase when estrogen levels drop. So right as your period starts and just before.

In particular, they found two things happen. There is an increase in approach slash risk-taking behaviors, but more so an increase in avoidance and negative effect. So negative mood, but also in attention symptoms. So if you're finding that your ADHD is getting worse before your period, you are not mistaken. It's a real thing. And they also noted, and I'm glad they did, that the pressure to mask your ADHD or appear functional is also a lot more prominent and stronger in work. women. And so it sometimes feels that you have to suppress or conceal two things at once. You know, you have to suppress your ADHD symptoms even though you feel more agitated and you feel

like they are stronger. But you also don't want to be seen as overly emotional. So you have to either consciously or unconsciously ignore your PMS symptoms as well. I know that probably paints a very bleak picture, but I think that information is so valuable to know because you can just say to self. This is not me. Like, it's not just me. It's not because I'm too sensitive or weak or because I lack discipline. It's because of this so-called double whammy, this hormonal influence on my mental state and my capacity to pay attention, to focus, to control my impulses. So I would really recommend reading this article. It's called Attention Deficit slash Hyperactivity Disorder and the menstrual cycle theory and evidence from the journal of

of hormones and behavior. It's actually also free access as well. And if you're a psychology student or someone who accesses a lot of academic papers, you'll know that when something's free, when you haven't like an open access paper, it's like a dream come true. So there's no excuses. Go give it a read. I think it will be quite validating, quite illuminating as well.

Okay. The second question we got was, how do I navigate early dating during PMS? Now, this is tough because we talked about how. how PMS sometimes promotes, encourages, creates a lot of interpersonal tension, just because we are coming to the table, feeling a little bit different in ourselves, perhaps less patient, perhaps more sensitive. And so when you first started dating someone, sometimes you don't always want to present that version of yourself that maybe you feel

a little bit ashamed of. You have no reason to, but maybe you're like, oh, you know, dating is anxiety-inducing enough than put in my PMS or my PMDD symptoms and like it's just a freaking hurricane of, of a reactivity and not knowing what's going to happen. So I think you have two options based on how you want to go about it. The first path is slow and cautious. The second is all in. So with the first path, we are going to consciously take back time for ourselves during our period and not communicate why that is with.

someone else. So if they're not your partner, if it's early dating, you might not want to let them in. You might not want them to know what is going on because dating can be stressful. PMS can be stressful, especially if you are worried about someone's approval or judgment of it. So only engage with this person when you feel like it. Try and pull back a little bit for that period just for your own self-care, but also remember that you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. They will understand, they will reciprocate or give, you know, give you grace and be generous and kind if you do tell them. And that is option two.

Option one, you tell them later down the line, you spend those first three months, you know, managing your PMS on your own as you have been accustomed to, or you can just be up front. You can be straight up and just say, hey, I'm going to be. kind of out for the account this week. I've got really bad PMS and I don't really want to be around people. Is that okay? Do you understand? It's probably a very good litmus test as well as to whether someone will make a good partner if they can respond positively or appropriately to you telling them about this medical condition you have and how it makes your life more difficult. Okay, question number three, why do I want to rage at everyone? I mentioned this a couple times, but we didn't speak about

it in depth, which is totally an oversight for me because rage, anger, frustration, fury is a huge component of PMS. Why is it this case? Well, estrogen in particular plays, obviously as we know, a key role in supporting serotonin, which is the happy hormone also helps stabilize our mood. So estrogen drops, serotonin drops, mood swings, low patients, irritability all ensue. At times as well, because progesterone induces a calming effect when that is lower, you know, there is less of that anti-anxiety counterbalance, so it throws your nervous system off balance. It increases your sensitivity to stress and to frustration and to small mistakes that to you blow up in your mind because your brain is just dealing.

with a lot right now. You may also find that your window for tolerance is a lot smaller. The little things that you would normally look past are so frustrating and so irritating. There is some evidences to actually suggest that the amygdala, which is the brain's emotional alarm system, is a lot more reactive during this time before and just as your period begins as well. So it's also about interpretation. The same things might be happening in your, your life, people may be acting exactly the same, but everything, like your interpretation of these events and these stimulus and these situations might feel increasingly threatening or upsetting. I do think the same tips from before apply, just take care of yourself, take step backs when

you need to communicate openly with whoever you feel comfortable with that this is what's going on. Just give yourself space and time to feel agitated. But then, soothe or find a way through it through exercise, through boxing, through creating art, through talking about it, through some kind of movement or processing mode. Final question. Does PMS get better with hormonal birth control? So, hormonal birth control is actually one of the frontline treatment options for PMS because most birth control contains either synthetic estrogen or synthetic progester. So when you add in more of these hormones than what your body suddenly or currently has available,

it will assist with soothing some of those symptoms that have become uncomfortable. It does still have its downsides and it does still have issues as any medication does. No medication is perfect. Definitely consult your doctor. My experience, I found that it helped a little bit, but everything that I was feeling was still there. it just felt a little bit muffled. Like it felt like I was, you know, under the water in a pool and was like looking up and there were all the things that I wanted to feel.

And I wasn't really able to because for me, birth control also had some, you know, emotional blunting effects. But all in all, if that's what you're after, it could be very, very useful. Just talk to your doctor. See what they have to say. Okay, four rapid fire questions. We got them all done. I hope you learned something from those.

Thank you to the brilliant listeners who contributed. I really appreciate getting to know and understand what you guys want to hear, what is pertinent to your life right now. So keep them coming. Make sure you'll follow me over there at that psychology podcast. There's going to be so much on the new book, so much on new episodes, asking you to vote, asking you to contribute. So please don't miss it.

I would love to see you over there. And until next time, stay safe. Be kind. Be gentle with yourself, especially if you're having. a rough time with some PMS, PMDD symptoms. We will talk very, very soon there. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway

with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you're not to be played with. And just because you have the capability

that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness,

fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist,

they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends, Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe.

On the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84's big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a here,

unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild... It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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