The Psychology of your 20s - 343. The psychology of saturn's return
Episode Date: October 17, 2025Have you ever felt like everything in your late twenties is suddenly up for grabs - your relationships, your career, even who you thought you were? It might be your Saturn return - a period of upheava...l, self-reflection, and big life questions that’s as much psychological as it is astrological. In this episode, we look at the psychology behind Saturn returns - why this age feels so turbulent, what’s happening in our minds and lives. We explore:• The astrological background of Saturn returns• Why humans are drawn to these kinds of explanations• Dynamic shifts of our relationships, friendships and family dynamics• Uncertainty and mismatches in our 20s• Why upheaval can be good for us• Strategies to navigate this period If you’ve ever wondered why the end of your twenties feels like some huge cosmic challenge, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is an I-Heart podcast.
Guaranteed Human.
Hey, what's good, y'all?
You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games.
This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing.
How many men carry a suit or armor.
It signals to the world that you not to be played with.
And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn.
the hard way on the IHard radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
2%.
That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available.
I'm Michael Easter.
I'm on my podcast, 2%.
I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange
modern world.
Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier,
more fulfilled, healthier person.
Listen to 2%.
That's TWO% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.
I vowed. I will be his last target.
He is not going to get away with this.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On the Look Back at it podcast.
From 1979, that was a big moment for me.
84 is big to me.
I'm Sam J.
And I'm Alex English.
Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it.
With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors.
Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s.
84 was a wild year.
It was a wild year.
I don't think there's a more important year for black people.
Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners,
wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of
course, break down the psychology of our 20s. I am so very excited for today's episode because it's a
little bit different from our usual content. It kind of marries, I would say, my two podcasts
together in a way. If you guys didn't know, I have another podcast called Mantra, which I
describe as like the spiritual little sister of the psychology of your 20s. We go in depth into a lot of
the stuff we talk about here, but from a more philosophical perspective. And you know, it may be a
little bit woo-woo for some, but I really like having that added depth and like the nuances of those
conversations to kind of give things a new angle. And today we're kind of diving more into
that realm and taking a more kind of astrological spiritual take on our 20s. And we're,
but of course still with like a scientific lens to it.
We are talking about an idea that if you are in your late 20s,
maybe on the brink of 30 you have heard about before,
it is the idea of Saturn's return.
So this concept of Saturn returns, firstly, so many of you have asked me for this question,
but secondly, it's really having a moment.
It comes up so much in pop culture, especially in songs.
You know, scissors song, satin, satin, I think it's just called satin.
Casey Musgrove's song, Deepa Well, I know Ariana Grande has a song about it on her new album.
And in each of these songs, you know, these artists talk about this pivotal moment that they've each uniquely experienced in which at 27, 28, 29, their lives just suddenly shocked them and kind of just completely did 180.
It's actually a rather common experience for people at this age to just go through a magnificent, completely unpredictable life shift.
And if you believe the theory, it is something that actually all of us must go through.
All of us are going to have some form of this experience.
The idea of Saturn returns comes from astrology.
It basically represents a astrological event whereby Saturn, the planet,
returns to its same position as when you were born right as you exit your 20s and enter your 30s.
And that's what brings, according to this theory, so many unique shifts.
Breakups, lost, new career pathways.
major identity shifts, all these things are what we can expect from this period. But there is, of course,
as always, a psychological explanation to the inevitability of these events that we also need to
discuss. So today, I'm going to offer this psychological breakdown and psychological perspective
on the return of Saturn on this exciting chapter, what you can expect, why everything
suddenly changes, the developmental explanation, the scientific one,
and most importantly, for those of you going through it right now, how to make the most out of this period, how to get through this.
We're also going to talk about the history of the concept.
We're going to talk about Roman and Greek mythology.
I know so many fun things.
And stories of people who have made it out on the other side, plus so much more.
So even if you don't think that astrology is for you, believe me, I'm also very skeptical.
I do think that you'll be surprised by how much of this might.
just apply to your life and what you might learn. So without further ado, let's dive into
the psychology of Saturn's return. Okay, so let's get the simple stuff out of the way. What is a
Saturn return? I've kind of already given a very light explanation, but Saturn return is basically
when the planet Saturn circles back to the same position in the sky that it occupied the moment
that you were born. Now, because Saturn roughly takes about 27 to 30 years,
to complete an orbit around the sun, your Saturn return tends to land at around 27 to 30.
Some people say earlier it can happen at 26, it can happen up to 31, depending on when you
are born.
And it doesn't just happen in one moment.
It's not just like a second.
It is a season.
It is a season that sometimes stretches two to three years.
It is a process of build up and fall out that kind of decimates our lives in a way,
but sometimes for the best.
Saturn return, you don't actually just have one.
Some people could have three.
Most people have about two.
Around the age of 58 to 60, you experience another one again.
And then around the age of 80 to 90, if you're lucky enough,
is when you'll experience perhaps your final one.
Each return is said to Mark a new kind of stage in life.
The first one is the shift into true adulthood.
The second is the shift into elder wisdom.
and the third is the shift into legacy,
and a lot will change during these periods.
So we know the pop culture references to Saturn returns,
but historically references to this cycle go way back to ancient Roman and Greek astrology
where Saturn or Kronos in Greece wasn't just a planet,
it was a god that represented discipline, restriction, boundaries, and time itself.
The god Saturn also represents.
agriculture, wealth, the seasons, partying. So he had a lot of hats. He had a lot of hats.
But astrologically, the planet of Saturn is considered kind of a task master planet. So a task
master planet, I didn't know this before researching this episode, basically signifies
calmic lessons. It's a planet that's responsible or influences how we face our limits,
how we face reality, how we face the things that we perhaps avoided.
And so in astrology speak, Saturn return, all of this comes to this point
whereby you confront the structures that you've built in your 20s and you are tested on them.
And you have to determine whether they are truly yours or they are borrowed from other people's
expectations.
And this is why our life feels like it kind of falls apart.
Even if it's not noticeable, things are going to change for you.
It is a coming of age.
And it's actually an opportunity to put a positive spin on it,
to create a life that really aligns with your deeper purpose and your deeper goals.
So the modern popularization of Saturn and Saturn returns really started in the 20th century,
particularly with the boom of astrology in the 1960s and 70s,
when psychics, tarot cards, fortune tellers, like that industry exploded.
It's definitely had a renaissance though in the past decade, obviously due to pop culture,
but also due to social media where people have started to name this experience using this label
and it's really validated for a lot of people, the chaos that they have come to experience
or are experiencing in their late 20s.
Maybe Saturn returns is just a metaphor for the things.
that we are enduring. Let's zoom out a little bit. Why are we so drawn to this explanation?
Why do we like explanations like this in general of astrology, of numerology, of cycles, of fate,
or the idea that life comes in seasons, because that's what this really is. First off,
the reason that we like the idea of a Saturn returns or anything of this sort is that we are
meaning-making creatures. When things are uncertain, like early adulthood, like, early adulthood,
like our 20s. Having a framework can really soothe us. Frameworks, however arbitrary,
they do actually provide a psychological feeling of safety and a narrative by which we can live.
We like patterns because they give us a sense of control. Even if life feels terrible and scary,
you can feel like, okay, well, maybe this is supposed to happen right now because of this explanation
that someone is giving me.
And that is why our belief in these systems actually does tend to increase in our 20s,
when we are desperate in many ways for structured external systems and explanations for why life
is like hitting all of these ups and downs.
There is literally a whole field of psychology dedicated to this idea of meaning making,
and it's called narrative psychology.
This field basically says that humans' identities and our understanding of the world and the world around us, like it is constructed through stories and the stories we tell ourselves.
How you experience a breakup will be determined by the story of your relationship.
How you relate to your siblings is determined by the story of your childhood.
How you approach risk is determined by stories or folk stories of what this really means and what we need to go through.
and what the stars are telling us or what the universe is telling us.
In this way, astrology is a symbolic storytelling system,
which provides us with a really meaningful narrative for life.
Whether it is real or not, like I'm not going to make any statements either way.
It doesn't actually matter.
It doesn't matter if it's real.
It's the comfort that it provides us.
And anything that, you know, is real that comes from that or that comes from the stars
is kind of just a bonus in my mind.
So let's talk about what actually tends to happen in this Saturn return season, because the astrological
explanation is one thing, but there is also a very solid psychological side to all of this.
And that's where this idea of emerging adulthood becomes important to understand.
Jeffrey Arnott, he is a developmental psychologist.
He coined the term emerging adulthood to basically describe the period between 18 and 29.
that is for a lot of people an in-between stage where you are not a teenager anymore,
but you may not be fully settled into what most people think of as adulthood either.
Now, at this stage, a few things start to happen to us because of changing expectations,
because of how our brain is developing, because of, you know, external things.
Mainly, we start to feel like we need to get more serious about this adult thing,
but also we still have a lot of unanswered questions and things that we need to learn.
And those two truths, the need to know and the not knowing, start to clash against each other.
Let's start with the impact of this confusion on our relationships.
For a lot of people, relationships are at the front and center of this period in their 20s,
romantic ones especially.
You will see this happening, and I have seen this happening quite regularly.
you might have been with someone since you were 22 and by 28 you're realizing that a person,
this person isn't quite the same match to you as you were when you first started dating.
This is why breakups around this age is so common.
You're kind of at this turning point.
Either we commit and we make this for the rest of our lives or we have this opportunity
to really have our last moment of being single in our 20s or find someone new
and it feels like this is the point where we have to decide.
I can think of literally four people off the top of my head
who I know who have broken up with their partner of four plus years
right before they turned 30 in the past year alone.
It is a huge phenomena.
Psychologists even track this theory
and can track this pattern of relationship dissolution in the late 20s
and they suggest that many long-term relationships
either end or transition into marriage during this period.
And it's actually quite a normal turning point for people.
It's one of the most common times and time periods
when people are likely to split up and to go their own way.
So if you have been through a really seismic, terrible,
life-shattering breakup at the end of your 20s
or during your sat in return,
it's actually not that uncommon.
and is actually probably a good thing that you have made this decision at this moment.
Another really famous theory comes from Eric Erickson.
We talk about him a lot. He's a German-American psychoanalyst.
And he says that the reason this happens is because we are moving through what we call
an intimacy versus isolation stage of development at this point in time.
So as we enter our late 20s, we do start to develop a much more secure sense of
self and identity. It's something that we all look forward to, you know, the older we get. We know
ourselves more. This newfound self-awareness, that is what begins to expose fundamental incompatibilities
that were maybe tolerated or overlooked when you were younger. You may have built your identity
around this partner or this person or may have been something together, but as you have found
yourself more as you have created your own independent identity just by aging, you realize like this
person isn't for me. You need space. You may ultimately need to break up. As as well, you know,
the expectation to get married or settled down becomes louder. I think you also start to have to
answer some very existential questions. Like, do I want to be loved this way for the rest of my life?
If this is all that love will ever be, is this enough?
and by golly gosh, like you need to answer that question now.
And I know it creates such a sense of impending doom and such a sense of like literal terror.
But it's required of you so that you don't end up in these situations.
We see all the time of people in loveless marriages or with people they really knew they weren't went to be with years and years down the line wishing that at 28 they just cut their losses to sound completely callous.
It's not just romantic relationships.
Friendships shift in big ways during this time as well.
Remember how in your teens and even early 20s,
friendships were like, they were inbuilt, right?
You didn't really have to try.
It was definitely from a place of convenience.
School, roommates, shared experiences, shared hobbies.
You could always find someone there.
As we get older, as we move, as we take up jobs,
as we couple up, as we have kids,
friendships suddenly require a real intention
maintenance and a lot of people will hit the mid-20s late-20s mark having had people fall off
kind of in trickles for a while and look around and be like oh there's no one left i'm deeply lonely
had this moment myself recently and like i feel like i talk about loneliness a lot on the podcast
and it's been like an ongoing you know battle with me but i just had this moment where a lot of my
friends have moved overseas. Like three of my best friends have moved overseas in the last six
months. And I was like, wow, my my friendship circle and my network is a lot thinner than it used
to. And there's a lot of panic in that. There's a lot of panic in being like, do I want it to
remain this way? Or do I want to do something, try things to change that? Again, the research
consistently backs this up. For example, in a meta-analysis of over 270 studies, research
has found that on average social networks decrease in size as people age the steepest decline
occurs at this point right now in young adulthood in our late 20s early 30s there's a lot of
circumstantial reasons for this but basically if we think about it our lives generally get
busier and typically like the effort that we feel we can reasonably put into our friendships
becomes a lot smaller.
And it's why you have less friends.
It's why you might find yourself being very lonely.
Now it doesn't mean that that's like going to happen and be the way for the rest of your life.
I think it is again the wake up call.
Do I want to live like this for the next 50 years?
Okay, we're going to take a short break here.
But when we come back, we're going to talk family.
We're going to talk career.
We're going to talk identity.
And also how to overcome.
the tumultuous period of your sat in return.
Stay with us.
2%.
That is the number of people who take the stairs
when there is also an escalator available.
I'm Michael Easter, and on my podcast, 2%,
I break down the science of mental toughness,
fitness, and building resilience
in our strange modern world.
I'll be speaking with writers, researchers,
and other health and fitness experts,
and more to look past the impractical
and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry.
We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory.
We got it wrong.
Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress.
Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person.
Listen to 2%.
That's T-W-O-Persent on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Do you remember when Diana Ross
double-tap Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs?
Or when Kanye said that George Bush
didn't like black people.
I know what you're thinking.
What the hell does George Bush got to do with Little Kim?
Well, you can find out on the Look Back at it podcast.
I'm Sam Jay.
And I'm Alex English.
Each episode, we pick it here,
unpack what went down,
and try to make sense of how we survived it.
Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill
waxing all about crack in the 80s.
clear 84 is big to me not just because of crack.
I'm down to talk about crack all day, but just so you all know.
I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack.
So I'm starting to see that there's a through line.
We also have AIDS on the table right now.
Thank you for finishing that sentence.
I don't think there's a more important year for black people.
Really?
Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history.
Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast.
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to my new podcast,
Learn the Hard Way with me,
your host, and your favorite therapist,
Keer Games.
And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month,
I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience
in the mental health field
and conversations with so many incredible guests.
I'm talking, Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark.
Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing,
we get so wrapped up in the chase
that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing.
And we're still chasing it,
and we don't know when we've done enough.
Because people scoreboard watch.
Life becomes about wins and losses.
Steve Burns, Dustin Ross,
because you find it important to be a good person
while you hear on earth,
or are you a good person because you're afraid?
Because that's two different intentions, bro.
Absolutely.
And that's two different levels of trust.
I want you to just really be a good person.
Join me, Kear Gaines,
as we have real conversations about healing,
growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose
on my new podcast, learn the hard way.
Open your free,
iHeartRadio app search
Learn the Hard Way and listen now.
In 2023,
former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd
found himself at the center of a paternity scandal.
The family court hearings that followed
revealed glaring inconsistencies
in her story.
This began a years-long court battle
to prove the truth.
You doctored this particular test twice in someone's,
correct? I doctored the test ones.
It took an army of internet detectives
to crack the case. I wanted people to be able
to see what their tax dollars were being used for.
Sunlight's the greatest disinfected.
They would uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Gregalespian and Michael Marantini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trap.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County
as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud,
Charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona.
Listen to Love Trapped Podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
So we've talked about the changes that Satin Return brings up for our relationships and for our friendships.
And then there's our family and how shifting dynamics during this period of our life can really explode out into this very unique kind of.
of relationship. I think this one can kind of sneak up on you. In your early 20s, I think family is
like background noise. Like you're kind of out in the world. You're like living your own life.
Maybe you're like calling home once in a while, like you visit on the holidays. It's a very common
thing that around your late 20s, often like the role of your family comes rushing back to the front
row and we kind of turn around, do this orbit and rely on them suddenly almost as much as we did
when we were children for a lot of things, especially emotionally. For many of us, this is also
when the reality of like aging parents starts to land. Like you do start to notice little things. Like
your dad's memory is slipping or your mom gets tired more easily or, you know, you have this
moment where you celebrate, you celebrate like a huge milestone birthday for your grandparents and are like,
huh, I don't think they have many years left. It's also when a lot of people experience real serious
loss. Some people experience it earlier, which is heartbreaking, but I think this is when a lot of
people start to lose parents or they start to really see serious declines in their well-being that
forces you to reckon not just with like the fragility of life and of their lives, but like,
yeah, the fragility of existence and how serious it is to take things seriously and to like
really go after what you want when time is finite. That's a lot of a, again, big esthetic.
existential questions, all of it is coming back to this questioning that's like in the back of
our mind. For some of us as well, this is like the first time where you get a real taste of like
caregiving. Maybe you start helping with bills, with doctor's appointments. Maybe you become like
a steady emotional support. And this role reversal can feel disorientating, right? There's actually
a phrase called philalalilal maturity. Is it philalalilal? I don't know how to pronounce it. You know
when you only ever see a word written down, someone's going to correct me in the
comments. I'm going to go with filial, filial maturity. And it basically describes this exact
stage when, like, the adult child becomes the parent to their parent. And they start to really
see their caregivers as whole people. You know, you no longer have that, like, fantasy of them being
invincible. Like, they have limits. They have flaws. They need you to take care of them. It's really,
really bittersweet and very difficult because you have to kind of acknowledge that there's
this new role you're entering as this adult who may have to do this alone at some stage
and who has to come to terms with the fact that time is passing and this person might not always
be there. But family work isn't just about your immediate family and your parents. It's also like
when we start to question like, do I want my own family? Do I want kids? You know,
know, this is the first time where you can really zone out. And I know a lot of people like have
children younger, but especially in this generation, I feel like we spend a lot of our early
20s being like, freedom, yay, like I'm going to be exploratory and I'm going to just try things
out and like, I'm going to try and not take this all as seriously as maybe I want to or I should. And
I'm going to have fun. And then it's like you get to 27 and you're like, I need to start answering some
big questions and whether I want kids, whether I'm capable of being a parent, whether I've
dealt with my family shit enough to be good in this role, again, it's like landing straight in
your lap along with like a million other things all happening at the same time. This is why like
sat in return is often referred to as like a cumulative process, right? It's not just the breakup. It's not
just the friendship, you know, dissolution. It's not just the big questions about what do I want
from my future. It's then family. It's then questions about your identity. And of course,
also Korea. Like we cannot talk about sat in return and what it will do to us if we do
not talk about the shifts that we will experience in our professional identity and at work.
This one is huge.
In early 20s, experimentation, first jobs, internships, trying things out.
It's not that serious.
It might be serious.
It's not necessarily permanent.
Then it's like the clock has been counting down and you're like, oh my God, suddenly I have to make a decision.
The trial period is over.
Am I going to commit to this life or am I going to choose something else?
Is this what I want to do?
Is this really it?
some people pivot completely and I have seen friends do this and it's been marvelous to watch
they go back to school they start businesses they chase creative projects others just get more
serious and they start to double down and think about climbing the corporate ladder but almost
everyone will feel this at this moment in their career of confronting feelings of feeling stuck
of needing more meaning of panicking about their future there's actually a study from the
Journal of Vocational Behavior that followed people in their late 20s around 28 to 30 and found that
those who felt most dissatisfied at work weren't necessarily in bad jobs. A lot of them were making
good money, but it was that these jobs didn't line up with what they were recognizing that they
personally valued. In other words, you know, they cared about creativity, but they were only doing
a job that cared about efficiency. They craved purpose, but, you know, their job only offered a good
paycheck and nothing else. The mismatch is where the discomfort is coming from. And it does tend to
come to a head right around this age when we are finally comparing the life we thought we'd have
with the one that we're actually living. Part of that to satisfaction also links to just like
plain old geography. Environment plays a really big role in the satin return stage. There's this like
joke that me and my friends have that everyone in Australia turns 27 and moves to London. Because
oh my God, like it just seems like such a common pattern. I'm doing it. Like I can't even,
like I am the butt of my own joke. Like I'm moving to London. I felt like there's this big call in
you at this stage to just be like, let me see what else is out there before I click by now on
the life that I currently have. The late 20s are like a hot spot for moving both physically and
psychologically. And we're also going to see our personality shift as well.
People often quote this idea that like the brain fully matures at 25.
That's actually not correct.
Part of the reason why you might be experiencing a lot of like tumultuousness is because,
you know, you expect to feel like you have locked into this more mature, smarter thinking system.
But actually, you are going to experience another rapid burst of pruning and changes in your brain that will influence your personality in your life.
in your late 20s. In our late 20s, a lot of us become slightly more conscientious. We tend to
become more responsible, more reliable, simply because we are adapting to the increasing roles that we
are facing in our lives. But along with that, comes a heavier awareness of the limits of this change.
You can't do anything. You can't be everything. And that's where this like creeping feeling of like
premature failure can show up, this nagging feeling.
of like I should have had it all figured out. And how we respond to that can actually be quite
irrational. So everyone's saying like you get more mature, you're able to make more mature decisions
and be more straightforward with your life. Then there is this final burst, often in our late
20s where we might call it an extinction burst, we might call it rallying, where right before we feel like
we've locked into like our new and mature brain, right before like we feel like we feel like we feel
like we're going to retire this part of our life. We revisit it one more time and we go out with a
bang. Dan McAdams, he is this researcher who studies narrative identity. He has written about how
around 29, many people have what he calls a redemptive turning point. It's that moment when the
story you've been telling yourself for most of your 20s, like you just are like, don't
don't want it anymore. Or you're like, if I'm going to finish this story, I'm going to go off on a
major tangent before I do. A lot of people have this moment where their like their personality
almost regresses or returns to an earlier stage before it like comes back for like its final
moment. And it's not to say that like once you turn 30 like you're locked down. This is who you're
going to be for the rest of your life. No, your brain continues to develop your personality actually
does continue to change for the rest of your life.
But this is just one of those moments where like you really see like a spike or like
a differentiation in activity.
So if Saturn return, your Saturn return feels like everything is changing,
it's good to know that this is actually just a part of human development.
I think it's very soothing to see it as something that,
see it as a process that you have to go through.
If all of this is sounding suspiciously like a quarter-life crisis or rock bottom, you are not wrong.
The astrological definition is one thing.
This does have another name, whether we call it Saturn return, whether we call it a quarter-life crisis.
These are actually incredibly similar.
And people have done studies where they have compared self-reporting and anecdotal reporting on these
experiences side by side, they're kind of explaining like the same thing. And applying a
quarter life crisis perspective on our satin returns, I think gives us and gives, like allows us to
have a more psychological take on it. This isn't just a pop psychology term. Again, this is a very
real transition that if you got a thousand, 20 somethings in a room, you could literally map it. You could
map it time and time again where these changes start to happen. Why tension in love,
tension in careers, tension in family is going to push us to change who we are. Okay, what do we do
about it? I feel like I've gone on long enough about like the things that you are going to
experience or have experienced and perhaps why. And if you're feeling totally like lost and like
life is beyond repair, what is the first step that you have to take to at least just feel a little bit
less uncomfortable in this period? What can we do to help ourselves? Well, I'm going to give you
some suggestions from not really my own experience, but from, yeah, my own experience with like
rock bottom moments and hard moments, but also from people.
people who have lived to tell the tale. This is a pilgrimage, right? This is an identity pilgrimage
that millions, no, billions of people have gone through before you. So as isolating as it
feels right now, research does show that people who actively wrestle with their identity
development and with uncertainty in their 20s and who confront it head on, they actually emerge with
stronger self-knowledge. They emerge with greater resilience in their 30s compared to people who
try and ignore it or push through in a life that they don't actually like. So not to sound like
a toxic positivity guru, but going through this now and as intensely as you are is ultimately a good
thing and is saving you from investing further in this life and then feeling like you're even more
responsible for it and you'd have to sacrifice so much more to leave. Don't shoot me for saying that.
I know that if you're going through it right now, like secretly, that's not something that you want to hear.
But the application and finding meaning in it all actually is really helpful for the process.
If we think back to that narrative identity research, again, we will find that the story we tell ourselves
about who we are and what we're going through and why our challenges are important actually makes a
huge difference to how we approach them.
And a lot of this does come down to reframing.
It's easy to see endings, the ending of a relationship, a job, a friendship, a city that you lived in as a failure.
But during this period, endings are often just realignments or maybe even protection.
Whether you want to call it the planets, God, the universe, your brain, you need to give this period in your life a label.
And you need to acknowledge why it may be necessary in order to have that meaning.
that makes it feel like you couldn't have it any other way. You can't see it as defeat.
Anytime that you like have a negative connotation or a negative thought about this that feels
unbearable and life-changing, you're allowed to feel crap day to day, but anytime you have a
thought that's like, this is never going to get better, this is completely useless. My whole life
is burning down for nothing. Again, the meaning making can frame
the upheaval as part of your story. It's the chapter where you figure out who you are.
It's the chapter where you figure out what matters to you, what life you actually want.
That in itself will make all of this feel a lot more terrifying and more purposeful.
I also want you to make a promise to yourself. I am going to work through this. I'm going to
give up some control for the first time in my life. I'm going to let myself float through these
changes and let life take me where it wants me to go. I'm not going to find. I'm not going to find
it, this is the promise I want you to make, I'm not going to fight it, I'm going to actually allow
myself to be surprised. It's a very stoic idea, but you might not be able to make this chapter
easier, you can just allow yourself to struggle a little bit less. Also, ask people about
their own period of this in their lives. Ask your parents, ask your older friends, hear their
stories. Everyone who I have asked has been like, I wouldn't be who I am today without what I
went through during my satin return or during this period of the end of my 20s. I would go through it
again in a heartbeat. It has made me who I am. It's like people exchanging war stories. Like it's scary.
It's also strangely comforting for people involved, right? There's this great article from The Cut
titled Seven Saturn Survival Stories. I think it's behind a paywall. You should still get the free
subscription or like the free seven day trial and read it because it is these stories from these
incredible women who are on the other side that in the mid-30s, early 40s who are now have the
hindsight to reflect and give us the wisdom on this period that you may really require.
Some other advice that I have gotten is to just choose one thing to ground you and stay loyal
to during this period. So when everything else is changing, find something that's stable.
start training for a half marathon, start a reading challenge, commit to journaling every night,
go sober, adopt a cat, foster a dog, focus on being a good family member, a good volunteer,
a good community member, start a new project, just choose something that is within your control
to center you, kind of like an anchor that is going to be something that you can come back to,
this touch point, that you can always have agency around that's going to bring you a little bit of
piece. Also write, record yourself, make a private video diary, capture this moment for yourself
in the future to really take in all the lessons that you are learning right now. I did this when I went
through my first adult big girl breakup. I still have the videos. It's painful to watch,
but I suggest it to anyone and everyone who was going through something really hard. I recorded myself
every single time. I felt down about the relationship or I felt like,
crying or I was crying and I kept doing that until I didn't want to until I didn't need to anymore
and documenting that pain and these changes it makes it feel like it's important and it means
something. You don't share it with anyone. Like I've never shared that video. Well, I think there's
like 50 videos to be honest. Like I've never shared those. It's kind of just for me. And when I go back
and I watch it like the final video is was me, I think. I can't remember whether it was like a year or two.
years later, but it was a really heartwarming. It was just this video of me being like,
it's going to be okay. And it was okay. And kind of laughing in a nice way. I like this previous
version of me who was so deep in despair, like she did not see it getting any better. And here
I was like telling her that it did. And I think that having that for yourself is truly powerful.
and having the vision of a future you being able to look back in hindsight and celebrate this period
is a lot of comfort in itself.
I'm sending you guys a lot of love.
I think you just need to have patience.
You just need to have patience that this is part of the long, messy work of being human
and of being in your 20s.
And your 20s, you know, they just want to go out with a bang.
Like they've taught you so much.
They continue to teach you so much.
They want to get all the lessons in before you enter this new chapter.
So leave space for that.
Leave space to just like learn and process and grieve and share, share what you are going through with other people.
Sometimes like the best remedy is someone else just being like, yeah, me too.
And not feeling alone.
So again, good luck.
I'm actually deeply excited for you.
Obviously I'm not going through it with you.
I'm sure if I was in your shoes, I would not want to hear someone saying that.
So I'm sorry, but I am deeply excited for you.
I just think so much amazing stuff is going to come out of this that you don't even know yet.
How cool is that?
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to leave a comment down below.
Tell me when your sat in return began.
Was it a little bit earlier?
Are you still going through it?
What are you learning during this period?
Let's share some of those stories below so that hopefully,
people can scroll through them and be like, oh my God, I feel so much less alone. I want to thank
our research assistant Libby Colbert, as always for her help on this episode. She has taught me
so much about astrology as we kind of put together, yeah, this topic. So I appreciate her so much
for all of her assistants. Make sure that you are following us over on Instagram at That
Psychology Podcast to see behind the scenes. We also have December guest month coming up.
at the end of the year. So if you want to see who is going to be on the show, who you're going to
hear from, well, you better follow along. Our transcripts are as well now available on
Substack and this episode is actually on YouTube. You've kind of already finished it if you're
listening to this. So you might not want to go and rewatch it. But if you want to watch future episodes
of the show, you should follow us over there, the psychology of your 20s on YouTube. But until next time,
Stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. Good luck with your sat and return. And we will talk
very, very soon. Two percent. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also
an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of
mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking
with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more to look past the impractical
and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry.
We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory.
We got it wrong.
Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress.
Put yourself through some hardships,
and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person.
Listen to 2%.
That's T-W-O-Persent on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tapped Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs?
Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people.
I know what you're thinking.
What the hell does George Bush got to do with Little Kim?
Well, you can find out on the Look Back at It podcast.
I'm Sam Jek.
And I'm Alex English.
Each episode, we pick a here, unpack what went down,
and try to make sense of how we survived it.
Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill,
waxing all about crack in the 80s.
To be clear, 84 is big to me not just because of crack.
I'm down to talk about crack all day, but just so you all know.
I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack.
So I'm starting to see that there's a through line.
We also have AIDS on the table right now.
Thank you for finishing that sentence.
Yes.
I don't think there's a more important year for black people.
Really?
Yeah.
For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history.
Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app,
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist,
Keer Games.
And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field
and conversations with so many incredible guests.
I'm talking, Tripp Fontaine, Ryan Clark.
Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing, we get so wrapped up in the chase that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing.
and we're still chasing it
and we don't know when we've done enough
because people scoreboard watch.
Life becomes about wins and losses.
Steve Burns, Dustin Ross,
because you find it important to be a good person
while you hear on earth?
Are you a good person because you're afraid?
Because that's two different intentions, bro.
Absolutely.
And that's two different levels of trust.
I want you to just really be a good person.
Join me, Kear Gaines,
as we have real conversations about healing,
growth, fatherhood, pressure,
and purpose on my new podcast.
Learn the hard way.
Open your free iHeartRadio app.
Search Learn the hard way and listen now.
In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd
found himself at the center of a paternity scandal.
The family court hearings that followed
revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story.
This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth.
You doctored this particular test twice in so-ins, correct?
I doctored the test ones.
It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case.
I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for.
Sunlight's the greatest disinfected.
They would uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg Alespian and Michael Marantini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trap.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted
on fraud charges.
This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona.
Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, what's good, y'all?
You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games.
This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing.
How many men carry a suit or armor.
It signals to the world that you not to be played with.
And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to.
Listen and learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
2%.
That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available.
I'm Michael Easter.
And on my podcast, 2%.
I break down the signs of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strength.
modern world. Put yourself through some hardships and you will come out on the other side
a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO percent on the IHeart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've
all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his
last target. He is not going to get away with him.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that
trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the Iheart radio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On the Look Back at it podcast.
From 1979, that was a big moment for me.
84's big to me.
I'm Sam J.
And I'm Alex English.
Each episode, we pick you here,
unpack what went down,
and try to make sense of how we survived it.
With our friends, fellow comedians,
and favorite authors.
Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s.
84 was a wild year.
It was a wild year.
I don't think there's a more important year for black people.
Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is an IHeart podcast.
Guaranteed human.
