The Psychology of your 20s - 35. BONUS EPISODE: “Don’t talk about us on the podcast”

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

The girls are back for an episode on love, friendship, first impressions and stereotypesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello. Hello. Hello. This is Gemma. This is also Gemma. This is a third Gemma. This is Gemma. Which gemma? Which one? I don't know about that. Tell us, who is the real gemma? Okay, if you guess, then you are a very good listener of the podcast. I am the real gemma.

But I do have three amazing friends on this episode. Would we like to do some introductions for this episode of Girl Talk? I think Erin should go first. She's the most seasoned podcast A, listener, B, guest. Hello, good day. It's Erin again. It feels like yesterday I recorded my last potty. Also a girl talk.

Also a girl talk. Back again. I was just so good at the first time. Totally didn't derail the whole episode at all in any way, shape or form. And if you didn't listen to that episode, you should go and listen to it. It's great. It's a great episode. I really love that episode.

I listened to it on my bike to work the other day. So Erin has been on the podcast twice before, most recently. girl talk. This is another girl talk, another girl's trip because I, in my mom's word, in my mom's words, cannot stay away from my camera life and my camera friends. Which there's nothing wrong with. Love your mom. Bye. But she's probably right. But I also love you guys heaps. So we've got Aaron. We have another guest who has also been on the podcast before. Hello, it's me. Um, Phoebe. Who is it? How do I introduce myself? You just do it. Just say one fun fact about you, you know. What's a fun factor? Is your favorite color?

What's your aura color? Oh, my aura color is pink. Baby pink, soft pink. But yes, I'm here with my friends and we're in Nusa. Can we say that? Yeah, yeah, we're in Nusa. Maybe we probably should have said that to begin with. Yeah.

Before we... Maybe we'll introduce our final person, which would be... Kate. And then we can talk about what we're all doing here. Kate. Um, my aura color is... No. Yes, no, I love it.

Wait, what do I say about myself? Your oracle is aquamarine. So like light blue for the ocean, because we're on a beach holiday at the ocean. We are. And Kate was on my second episode ever of the podcast. Like about a year ago, so I'm old news. Okay. Old news.

She's old news, peeps. So basically we are all here on a beach holiday that was Phoebe's idea. And we thought, let's get away from all the cold and dreary. wetness of where we all live. We need some sunshine. We do need some sunshine. Come to the sunshine state. Not an ad.

I don't want to leave now. No, I don't want to leave either. I think I've ruined my months of winter ahead. Yeah. We've only been here for like where it's a 48 hour trip. But we are other boat riders. Yeah. We have ridden in at least two boats while we've been here.

But like twice on one of them. And in both occasions one of us was drinking. I would like to say I was not drinking. on either boat. On either boat. I've been on the little shout out to heaps normal beer, not an ad. But if you want to sponsor us. Heaps normal, heaps normal, alcoholic free beer, fantastic, delicious.

I have been on the alcoholic beer by the name of Asahi. Do you know it? I do. I know it. And on the wine of the brand, Prosecco, on both of our boat experiences. So what are we doing on this potty? Excellent transition, Phoebe. Wow

She keep us on track With three Three in his foot There's four women in this room All of us have had one glass of one I have not yet All of us have had Except for Phoebe who's on the heaps normal

Have had a little glass of wine And I thought for this Incredible episode of Girl Talk We would answer some of the Hey Mummy Oh Flex Mummy Hey Mommy I don't know why I said that

Hello mummy Hello honey Hey mommy With Abby Chapfield. Yeah. Also, Abby, if you want me to come on your podcast, we're totally doing it. But we were going to answer some of the flex mummy questions, the reflex questions. And we did some of these last night at dinner.

Yeah, we did. How was dinner last night? Did we enjoy it? Yeah, it was young. One thing of this trip, we have spent a lot of money. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not going to say names. I really like the ambience.

Food was good, but it didn't. you know like when you walk away from place and you're like wow wow like that was good food yeah but it wasn't a wow but it wasn't a wow yeah the cocktails were a wow the cocktails were a wow the price the bill was a wow the bill was a big wow I think the cocktail was a fucking wow the food I think because we walked out and it was just like a very quiet street yeah we were like oh it was like a come down it was it was like a come down yeah yeah yeah I think that is where the wow factor tipped side Also, they kicked us out after like an hour and a half.

Yeah, we couldn't even just like... Couldn't really chill. Yeah. So don't go to that unnamed restaurant. Yeah, we would have like had dessert. Like, had a... They didn't even ask if we wanted dessert. Yeah.

That is... Do you reckon that's why you think the... It was just a wow? It wasn't a wow. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's why. I feel like for me that's what it was.

Yeah. Desert always is like cherry on top of it. Yeah. So we basically at dinner last night, um, our darling Erin, um, brought these cards that she really likes and they're a series of like questions that you wouldn't normally ask people

that are really thought provoking Flex. Flex mommy. Okay we cannot do more than another shoutout. I think we're using her cards. We've done four shoutouts. We're using her cards. Flex Mommy. He's normal. Prosettego.

Loose the sunshine stage. They're all just things that we like and we're just acknowledging it. Yeah. They're really good on her website. she's got like three different versions. So this is the question pack number two, which is the first one's like the basic one.

And then the second one's like more critical. And it's cards with these questions on them. So if you do like these questions, that's where we got them. But we thought that to add some structure to this episode, we'd ask some of these questions. Do we want to get into it? Yeah, we do. Okay, well, be prepared.

I'm sure we have some juicy answers. So to kick off the first question, I pulled this one, and I thought it'd be really interesting. So tell someone what your first impression of them was and how it's changed. And I thought we could all answer for one person to our right as I kind of get to know you for the people who are listening. So Kate, what was your first impression of Phoebe? Okay, Phoebe's. My first impression of you.

Well, I've definitely met you through Gem and sort of, gosh. I don't even know what, yeah. I feel like. No, I do remember. you invited me to your birthday as like a little additional person. Yes. Yeah. I think my first impression of you was just, I don't know, super lively, super chatty, super fun to be around.

And you know, those sort of friends that you meet and you're like, oh, that would be like an awesome social friend to someone that I'm like engaged with on a social level and just have a good time with. But then I realize you're also really fucking into spin class and the scene up and the friendship has just grown. And I think now, yeah, when you like dig a bit deep up with friendships and, yeah, sort of cut the surface and you end up as really good things. Because we're definitely mutual. We were definitely mutuals and now we're friends. I was felt really happy that you invited me to your birthday. Yeah, I was like, oh, a little plus one. But I'll come along and I've good time.

It was really fun. And we all got hammered. That was really fun, actually. So, Phoebe, what was your first impression of Aaron? So I sort of knew Aaron for uni. Like, we'd done, like... I don't know where we first made. It was...

Well, technically, it was when we travelled overseas for uni. That was when we first went? No, but I knew, like, we'd been... We'd interacted very briefly, like, you know, like in uni classes where we did a similar degree, both environmental studies, and... I will... Can I quickly preface this by saying, I have a terrible memory. Yeah.

So I do not remember. Like it was a small cohort. Like it was everyone at the school knew each other. Yeah. Yeah. I like I knew of you. And so from there, we both like ended up going overseas. Yeah.

And that was a very, I feel like it was a very intense experience. It was a lot happening. A lot of just craziness. So what was your first impression of it? It was just, it was an intense experience. Yeah. Under this intense like overseas experience. It was.

was a lot. So I, like, we were in Fiji. Can I say where we were? Yeah, yeah. We were in Fiji. Yeah. We went to Fiji for you weeks. For two weeks. For two weeks with a group of like 20 people.

20 people. Um, and we stayed in multiple different places. Yeah. Rural places. There were a lot of strong characters that we met. Very strong characters. Interesting characters. Like the permaculture man.

Yes. Um, so I think because it was just such a like, well, throw you into this random country and you're going to be meeting all these crazy people and doing all this crazy stuff. you got to know people very quickly. So, yeah, that was, my first impressions was, like, you're very genuine and, like, up clear who you are, because it was, like, we were in the middle of rural Fiji together.

And I would be sitting there, like, and it was, like, very, like, five minutes in, and we were, yeah, already clicking. Clicking. Yeah. So cute. Because that's what it was, that's what the experience. We were in a very intense experience.

Yeah, yeah. What a lovely first impression to have of someone. And we swamowing. In the tropical waters and we went snorkeling and what else do we do? We did lots of fun things. We walked down a river. Oh yeah and we were swearing at the miners

who were mining in the gravel river. They were mining like, and we were all recording them and we're like We're going to change the world. We're going to report you to the Fijian government. And the Fijian government couldn't give a single flying shit because some students actually went into the office and were like what are you going to do about this?

And they're like, Oh, we don't care. We don't care. so it was really interesting but it was beautiful it was beautiful beautiful beautiful field trip and it was it was kind of nice actually because I'd been on a field trip before that

to Vietnam and this one was really chill so you actually got to know we were on Fiji time we woke up at 10 we played a lot of banana grams I love that that I really associate that game with you Aaron banana gram yeah yeah I always play it with you I've only ever played it with you

Aaron what were your first impressions of Gemma. Oh my God. You know my first impressions. And they are fucking incredible because they were terrible. But let's be kind of. I can't, I can't, because I'm a genuine person. You are, but also, this is my podcast.

This is your podcast. So I just kind of, like, my first impressions of Jebba were. And no mention of any political parties. No, you can't. No, I'm going to tell us straight. One morning, I was eating my breakfast at college, minding my own goddamn business and two tables down from me, this girl waltzes in with like three people like trailing after her and she goes, oh my God. I just got a Mecca package and she proceeds to

unbox her fucking like huge Mecca order on the table. Side note, to be fair, Mecca does really good gift boxes the way they wrap that thing. But I think she's also your so not a Mecca get on. Yeah, I think She's opening my passes. This is pressure, pressure, pressure. And so she's here. She's unpacking everything, like going through her skincare. Everybody's like around the table's like ooing and aaring and like getting really, really excited. And she's standing there like, you were like dressed really nicely.

Like you had full face and makeup on. You had like really nice clothes on. Honestly, kudos to you. I remember that vividly in college. Always makeup. You like always. Because I was insecure about my skin. So you're like, and we're taking it on.

But you look like great and you have like the full outfit. whatever and I just remember sitting there being like this bitch like unpacking her little mecca order she thinks she's hot shit and I was like I know I remember this and I was like oh what a fucking wanker I love it because that too wholesome like yeah yeah no no no I've told you this before and I was a wanker I was seriously like what a wanker like this girl has so much money like one of the Melbourne girls like she's got like all of her cash she's got a little mecca order coming in every month like and everybody around the table, like, I just remember really, some people who...

Yeah, yes. I should. Yeah, anyway. And they were just like, oh my God. Like, girl, like, the bronzer's so cute. And I was like, okay, this is a lot. And then I learned, because I was telling something about this. And I was like, oh, yeah, this girl, like, what the fuck?

Like, a bit of a bit of a poser. You're bitching about me. I was, I was. But enjoying getting her. But the thing is about, like, the thing is, like, when you enter the kitchen of college, it's like an auditorium. Yeah, it's like the... fucking gladiators and like she'd like put on this show for everybody like unpacking her

hair are you sure i didn't just get a package i'm sure you just got a package whatever but like me and like seven o'am in the morning and i'm like fucking like a little um like goblin a little gremlin over my like breakfast is i get excited when a package calms but wait what was it anyway but yeah you're talking about how i had so much money i was like oh this girl whatever and then my friend goes yeah and she's a climate change denier. And I remember, like, when my first time, my first time I ever talked to you, we had an argument where you were like, climate change isn't real. And I was like, I don't think that happened. No, this happened. This happened. But I've never thought that. Maybe I was just pulling your leg. No, I think you 100% were. I think you 100% were pulling me, like, and I fully believed you.

And I was like, I cannot believe she would say something like that. And I think like, like James said to me at the time, he was like, I'm pretty sure like, you know, like she was joking. And I was like, no, she wasn't. Like, babes, I don't think I've ever not believed. I know, I know, but I think you were, I think you were a hundred times something, but I was, like, so angry and I was like, oh, this girl. And now we're like, I know, like, thick as thieves. So there we go. But I would say you're a very different person.

I would say you're a very, you don't like me anymore. I'm a bitch with lots of money. No. It's a climate change denier. But I also, I'm like, I'm really interesting because I have a very negative outlook on people. So, like, I will judge somebody. Yeah, I'm glad you popped that demo. First 10 seconds.

But you also have changed. But also, like, I judged somebody within, like, first 10 seconds. So, and to see that at college, I was just like, ugh. So when you meet someone, you see the worst in the weather. I meet somebody, I try really hard to find the best of them. And they can be the worst person ever. But this is why I think I'm a good judge of character. I'm terrible judge of character.

Yeah, because I always see the worst in people. Do you think that's me now? No, you're a very different person now, I would say, personally. I don't think I've gotten a mechapack for a while. What do you think, Kate? You've known Gem since. Well, I'm not, Gem's not to my right hand side.

Yeah, well, I'm going to give my first impression of Kate. And since I'm a wanker, I, uh, it's going to be like really, it's going to be really loving. I'm a climate denial. I'm not going to pull any punches. And I love mecca packages.

And I love, and I love mecca packages. So mecca, send them through so I can open them. Mecca, meca. Erin, you kind of really sold me. for doing an amazing unboxing. Everybody was. They were very excited.

As maybe would say, shout out to met her. Hello. Okay, so, thank you, Erin. I love you. I love you too, so I'm not offended. I'm not. But my first impression of Kate was, I met Kate for the first time at Mooseheads.

Really? Yep. And she was with someone at the time. And I remember, one of our mutual friends introduced me to her and was like oh this is Kate Bolter and I was like I saw you

and I met you and I was like wow she's so pretty she's never gonna ugly yeah pretty ugly I was like she's so pretty and I was like she's never going to be friends with me like I just like I was like four and a half years

I know here we are but I was like oh she's so beautiful and you're kind of quiet as well you because you didn't really know any of us funny story there's actually a photo of us from that night in which me and another someone I was friends with got a photo and in the background is Kate yelling at the guy she's with oh no oh my god that's incredible we gotta find it but um it's it's kind of a relic now and then posted in the show notes yeah yeah definitely not um that will not be out the other time but then i um i don't know what it was but i something about

that first impression i was like yeah i kind of like made up my mind i was like okay i guess i've got to be friends with her now i was just was like I'm going to be her friend. And so the second time I met Kate, I um, throw back to our first podcast episode together. Yeah, yeah. Actually, if you want to hear that, this is full story, but basically I, um, ambushed her and, um, I staged a run in to meet her. I saw her coming up the stairs of B&J, staged a run in, with her mom. And, um, so that we could meet. And then the rest is history. Do I go ahead? Jim pursues people. I do. She does. She does. She pursued me. did it pursue Aaron

I've pursued me I think it was pretty mutual oh that's what you do No but like You found ways to like Like not incidentally But like find opportunities To hang out with somebody

When you enjoy hanging out And you're like I'm gonna find an opportunity To see them Yeah which is an admirable thing Because you know that like You know With people that you potentially We're gonna start a really nice friendship with

And you see good qualities In these people that you're like You know Because you could miss out on so many friendships If you didn't pursue them Indeed. And here we are four and a half years later. The pretty girl who was really quiet is now sitting to my right.

In Nusa. In Nusa. Definitely not quiet. Definitely not pretty. I think the question though is interesting because the whole point of reflex questions you don't think critically about him and then talk about the question, blah, blah, blah, not just the answer itself. But I think first impression is really interesting.

Yeah. Really, really interesting. Well, I think your idea of... Don't judge a book by X color. Oh, yeah. That's like common quote. Or like actually take time to get to know people Because it's like Aaron

Well no but I feel like fair enough I was probably a bit of a brat back then Definitely But now we know each other on a much deeper level And I feel like all I don't think any of those things that you thought about me Would be you would say in my main attributes these days Absolutely not know

Maybe I'm still a bit of a wanker No And we never say that sometimes No Wow what a great way to introduce everyone to the podcast So I feel like this next one we'll dig a little bit deeper. What stereotype do you completely live up to?

Completely live up to. Oh my gosh. What's a stereotype about a kind of person... We have to say about ourselves. Yeah, so about the kind of person, someone would perceive you as that you're like, actually, that's correct. Oh. Can I go first?

Because I actually, I've thought about this a lot. So I feel like there's a stereotype of, like, white girls like Taylor Swift. and you're like And I really like Taylor Swift And every time I'm like And I'm actually a huge swifty But I feel like And I say that with absolute confidence

Because I love her Even like this morning Who was like one of you was like Looking over my shoulder And I was like oh my God Taylor Swift was seen in public For the first time in three months But I feel like it's such a thing of like

Oh my God like basic white girls Who like Taylor Swift And recently I've come to embrace the fact That I am a basic white girl who runs a psychology podcast and who listens to Taylor Swift always in the car. So that's my stereotype. Is it a good one? I like that stereotype.

You do live off to it. Yeah, I do. Would you, if she came to Australia, would she see more than one of her shows? I actually was talking to someone about this the other day. If she did a tour in anywhere in the world, I would probably bankrupt myself to go and see her. Every day I wake up and one of my first thoughts is about Taylor Swift. I have a Taylor Swift tattoo. Like, I'm obsessed.

Who else has a stereotype that they live up to? I'm sure that there's, like, many different versions of me. Actually, we recently interviewed someone for my house, like, potential housemate. And this person just, like, everything that I do in my life, like, I'm interested in, like, what I studied, sort of work area, interest. they said everything that I do and I was like I'm just not an original person

they were like oh I love cello and I love and I study in Viro and I like going outside that actually I'm not going to say where I work but like that actually had done an internship for one of our stakeholders that I work oh wow and I thought oh my gosh okay yeah and it just there was just too many similarities and I was like right and she even had her nose pierced on the same side that I have my nose pierced and I thought right oh she had blonde her yeah I was like okay

love you're not coming in this house because I am the only she could have been a really good housemate but you're like I'm not having a feet of two point out no that's what they say you know like that saying if you met yourself you know in public you kind of hate them to be fair and all my housemate said that or they were like they were like

she like no harm to this person no no negativity towards her but they were like she didn't see she they're like there's something off there was something off do you think she was trying to be you I don't know it was very weird just stalked you yeah I think I do live up to some stereotypes like um I don't like I'm like I'm sure there's many there's many like I'm I was one of many types of people that looked and acted and thought like me at the school of environment. Yeah. That's really interesting. Hey, but guys, if Phoebe ever dies, we know where we can find a person.

Also, another thing, like, for example, high school, I was just like the super perfectionist overachieving teachers' pet kid. And I think that lives up to a big stereotype. And all of those stereotypes are true. Yeah. Interesting. Kate, do you have one? I think I sort of do.

I think it came about during lockdown and everyone was like, oh, you know, really struggling to maintain a routine and exercise and that, I fucking live for the morning routine. Wake up 7 a.m. open You know, my line, but the cold of that that girl.

Yes, I know you're that girl. Hey! But I fucking love a morning routine. Like, I love a bit of like, I don't know, yoga or Pilates in the morning, that whole thing, my 30 minutes, you know, shout out yoga with Adrian. And I love like,

I don't know my overnight oats is prepared in the fridge for the night before eat it. You are that girl. It makes me feel put together and like ready for my day. Like I fucking love that. And I find it easy to incorporate into my day. I find that so. For some people like it's a hard routine to implement but I'm like I live for it. It's not that it's a morning routine.

Like I wake up relatively early. Yeah. However. However, I don't have the overnight oats. No, I don't have, I don't like having a routine. I like doing something different every day. I set my alarm for a different minute every day. I just know. I could not do that. I don't know. I think I'm like if I, especially for

like work or something, limited time need to get up and do it all in that time frame that I have like allocated. I just go to bed at random times. I wake up at random times. I eat random food every day. Like it's never safe. You move up to that girl. The that girl's all or just you know, I don't know. It was just such a lockdown thing. People like lacking motivation and things. I was like I need to do that so I kind of stay a bit sane. You should create a TikTok and become TikTok famous based on your TV. No, we don't know, no. Yes.

I love it. Hey, but guys, if one of us was going to be TikTok famous, it's probably either Phoebe or Kay. I am TikTok famous. Not TikTok famous. I went viral once. Your dog and your dog. My dog went viral. And it was hilarious.

Erin, what's a stereotype about you? Can I give one for you? The hippie pants. The red head was a bit of a temper. No! Shut up. And her aura color is red, so I think they're doing something.

That one's not all that true. I know, it's so true. I'm such an angry person. Aaron today, there was a child walking in front of her when we were on Hastings Street in Nusa. And the child was just ambling along as a child does with very little perceptual awareness.

And Aaron just like is like, oh my god, get out of my way. It almost runs into this child. I was so... You're doing the under-the-breath comments. I was so tempted to just walk in. I was like, how dare you? Like, get out of my way.

This three-year-old of no critical thinking skills. You literally can't even see properly yet. Because the eyes aren't developed. The parents need to take it out of the way. Like, I'm sorry. That's kind of child that would run into traffic. Another example was watching you use your phone, pay phone. Use your phone to pay, like, the payway.

Tonight? Yeah, getting dinner, getting pizza. And instead of just, like, you know, putting in your passcode or scanning your face and, like, holding your phone above the thing, it was, like, slam the phone. I always do the, like, and just like, I always do the, like, I really tap it, like, viciously. And then when it doesn't work, I, like, wall my eyes, cancel it. And then, like, go free to. I got so angry the other day. I threw my phone across the room, and then it broke.

and my speaker, it sounds weird because I threw it. Damn, so you're not going to be our speaker and the bowl girl. No, I'm not going to speak a speaking the ball girl because it's all crackly now. So to run for our stereotypes, we've got a hot-headed redhead, a cello, a cello player, a morning routineer, and a swifty. And a swifty. A cello player? I don't think it's my stereotype. We've got a basic girl with a nose piercing.

No, I know what my stereotype is, horse girl. Oh, you can just look at me and know I was a horse girl. Yeah, 100%. I can definitely look at you. Exactly. There you go, girls. Stereoddust. Do you know?

Yeah. Okay, that was amazing. Next question. And this one is so interesting because I've never asked any of you this and I'm really interested to hear. Recount the first time you were intoxicated. First time you were drunk.

I actually, I remember the first time I was like freaked off my face. We were, I don't know, high school, party, group of us, youngans and, you know, just having a good time. we look in the mirror and it was the most out of body experience seeing my drunk self in the mirror, I just pissed myself laughing. And I thought it was the most, just the funniest thing because I, I don't know, it was like I was looking at myself and I was like, that's Kate, but that's not Kate. And it was just this weird, like out of body, depersonalized, I don't know, sort of feeling.

And I just fucking piss myself every time I saw myself in the reflection. What were you drunk on? No, I think it was like, I don't know, double blacks. Good times. Oh, like double blackson. Yeah, the usual. She was drunk on good times. What about you, Phobs? It was probably when I went on exchange to France.

Yeah. And I was friends with, so I was friends with all the French kids at my school, but I also had my exchange friends. And so these were kids from the US, one girl from Iceland, Austria, Germany, Netherlands, a bunch of Guatemalans on this girl from Brazil. and oh and a guy from Argentina and just different drinking ages all around the world

Different drinking cultures Different drinking cultures And yeah I just remember getting We were actually like We had gotten some We bought some alcohol And then we'd gone down to

This like beautiful fountain Like in the middle of the town That I was in And yeah we're just sitting there And I think it was like champagne or something We just sit there doing out bubbles And I just remember being like Wow

I never felt like You know, they must. How many drinks do you think you would have had to get to that level? One and a half. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Like, I never, like, in high school, it was only towards the very end of high school, even that I, like, after formals, like, after parties. Yeah.

They were sort of the only, like, experiences that I would drink a little bit. But I don't know, like, I do remember when I was like. So you do not up to the stereotype. Yeah. I do remember when I was, like, 18 or something. and I finished high school and stuff and my dad picked me up from a party and was like, did you drink?

And I was like, no. You were 18 though. Yeah, but like my family, we don't drink. Like, we're not being drinkers. And I, it's just not something that, like, it was really more when I came to uni. But I, like, I had drunk in high school a little bit, but it wasn't, it was never to an extreme, I don't think.

So I don't ever think it was like, it's like one UDL, two UDL. Oh, naughty. I love that the first thing you got drunk off was champagne in France. Yeah, I love that. I just think it's amazing. Near a fountain. Yeah.

It was an Argentinian. It was actually the castle. Right next to a castle. There was a castle in the middle of town that I was in and there was a big fan at the bottom. And yeah, and then I think we went into a night club and had a great night. That sounds so, so lovely. The rest is his dream. Did you know I lived in Europe?

Phoebe today. markets talking French for everyone I was just standing there No but she was really good and then I would just be standing there like drinking my overpriced smoothie being like what? Jemma Pell my name is Jemma Pell Jemma Jemma Um Aaron what was the first time you were ever intoxicated um so little known known fact about me I didn't start drinking until I was 18 good job I didn't know that

yeah um like staunchly was wearing anti-alcohol until I was 18 um and then I remember my first drink I don't remember getting drunk for the first time because as we have mentioned in the past 20 minutes I don't have a very good memory um so yeah I don't remember because I was I would have been on my gap here so it would have been at some point when I was traveling on my gap here clearly it wasn't that memorable like you were drunk so also I was drunk and like I had lots of times on my gap here where I went out and had a little party and, you know. Yeah.

But the first time I ever drank, I was, like, given, like, gin and juice, and it was terrible. It was so, like, gin and orange juice. And it was, like, in this plastic cup, and I was just sitting there and drinking. And, like, I'd never really drunk before. So I think I remember standing up and being, like, oh, that's a bit weird. But, yeah, I didn't drink that much at all because I was very uncomfortable with the people who I was with who I worked with who were kind of horrible. and I didn't really like them and I was like

I don't want this to be like and I couldn't go out because I was like 17 I didn't have a fake ID and I was in the UK and I was like no I'm not getting a fake ID so I didn't really drink Oh interesting I never knew that about you Yeah but I also like you know Having a parent who's an alcoholic it doesn't really encourage you to Yeah drink that much alcohol

So yeah Interesting But I don't know Don't remember I think I probably remember the first time I got high maybe Oh um yeah That is for another time. That is for another time.

The first time I ever got drunk was so funny. So my friend Zoe, who was on the podcast, she did the Secret So Lasting Friendship episode. She turned 18 before I did. So of course, being friends, you know, you've got to really take advantage of that. And the first time I ever got drunk, we went and saw a movie.

And then afterwards, we went to 7-Eleven in the city because I lived in Melbourne at the time in the city and we bought these massive slurpees and then she was like, do you want to have a little thing to drink? And I was like, okay. And I'd had like a drunk before, but I was like, okay. And she bought those tiny little bottles of gin, which is such a dead giveaway that someone is buying alcohol for someone else.

And that they're young. Because who the fuck buys those tiny bottles of gin? Unless you're about to spike a drink. Like, unless you're about to either take it into like a rave and you're not allowed alcohol or you're about to spike a drink. So she bought five tiny little bottles of gin and poured three of them into my slurpee, which I then proceeded to finish in about five minutes.

And I was like, this feels amazing. So she went and bought two more, and we got another slurpy, and she poured two in, and I remember I was so drunk and I had to get the tram home. It was like five shots of gin, which these days would, like, I would be tipsy, but it wouldn't be drunk. God, I would be drunk. I had three.

I had five. We went and got two more. And also I would be drunk because I drink them in about 15 minutes. Oh my God. And I had to get the tram home and I was like, whoa. Everything was new. I could. I could not do that for my first time they're getting drunk.

Yeah. And I got home and I was like, oh my God, my mom can't know I'm drunk. And I walked in and my mom was still up. And I was like, hey mom. and she was like, hey, I'm like, I'm going to go to bed. And it was like a part of me and it was like, I'm going to go to bed, ma. Yeah. And there was a part of me that was like, I want to act a bit more drunk.

I want to see, I want to have this weird conversation with my mom about the fuck that I've been drinking. I just never noticed. So, yeah. Yeah, very, very cute. Very, very cute. And I've since told her and she thought it was really funny. The next question, Phoebe picked this one. Thank you, Phoebe.

Would you like to read it since you picked it? I don't know. Would you rather be naive or jaded? Naive. No question about it. Naive, because then you can be ignorant. Yeah. Whereas I am jaded and it's not wrong.

I am naive. I wish I was a little bit more jaded, but I would probably still rather be naive because I like my life. Yeah. I think in both of those cases, you can be very happily. I think when you're jaded, you can be happily surprised,

whereas when you're naive, it's always going to be a bit of a scary surprise. I like that. But, Kate, what do you think? I don't know. Like, I wouldn't say I'm naive, but I'm definitely not jaded. I think I would be somewhere. If you're naive, you can get taken in a lot of job. Yeah, that's true.

You can, like, just be oblivious to things around you. But when you're jaded. You're grumpy. We were talking about this today. I feel like when we were having this chat earlier, when you're jaded, it's really hard. hard to see the best in situations and I think it's kind of like what you were talking about with your impressions of people you always expect a negative outcome because I think jaded

naturally comes from an experience with with a negative outcome comes from a point of negativity so you're always expecting something negative can I just like sad point that you just what you just said just reminded me of and like something that I have been trying really hard to do all the time um particularly in the last like year um um um But I try and notice, and this is something I learned from my dad, and I've also spoken to my housemaid about, but trying to find little things, like the simple pleasures of life, like little positive things.

Like, for example, if I am on a walk or I'm even just walking to the, like, train stop or something, I'll see, like, a cool leaf or something. And I have to point it out. Like, my poor boyfriend is having to listen to me, stop and go, it's a caterpillar! And looking at the little simple pleasures of life. Shout out to Kieran. And like, oh my gosh, like a really good coffee or something.

The simple pleasures and like seeking enjoyment in them is a really fantastic thing to do. And I thoroughly enjoyed doing it. With both these arguments in mind, what do you think? I would still say I'm in the middle. I think. What is the middle? I know, but would you rather? And I don't, I literally don't know.

I don't know because I'm in the middle and I don't know, I quite like it, I think because obviously if you're too naive, people can abuse that and things go over your head and you're not actually quite, you're not aware of what is really happening around you, but if you're too jaded, yeah, you have this very cynical sort of outlook on people in life

and it's quite detrimental. What would you call the middle though? I can't. I feel like the middle is level-headed. Maybe like a critical cynic or something. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Yeah.

you're sort of like, I'm aware that, you know, not everything is as it seems, but like, I'm critical in the sense of like that I can change. Oh, I'm almost tempted to say jaded and that's, I don't know, that's controversial. I don't know. I don't know, naive, like, I don't know, Jim, what do you think? I, I would say naive. You would say naive. Yeah, actually, can I change my answer?

I would actually probably say jaded because I think what I said before, like, thinking about that, like, when you're jaded, you have. the opportunity to be positively surprised. I was happiest when I was 10 years old, so I would like to be as naive as I was a child. I'd rather be jaded because I do actually think that people and situations often surprise you. If you're jaded, you have to think that's crushing the climate change is occurring. I'm a climate denier. With your like two kids in Nusa as a yummy mummy in your active wear and you just go and get

coffee every morning and you go to yoga and you can continue on with your little. a life in your like multi-million dollar match. Okay, maybe I'm more jaded than I think. I am. Yeah. I think I just revealed I'm quite jaded from that sentence itself. But I think that'd be fun. Like, I think there's a certain, I also think it's related to like income and education

status. But I think that there is a certain like level of middle ground that you also see a lot with like social media influences, whether they, where they have a lot of money, a lot of disposable income. And they're like, let's go. And they just like live this. They actually are aware of it And they just decide

Not up to me, I'm an individual Just gonna do what I want For my own personal gain No, because I think they're completely naive So they just live their little life Because they know they can live their little life Because at the end of the day They have never

Like, in some ways Like, because of the Like, I don't want to say Because I'm typecasting like anybody Who's a social media influencer So I think we all know like what type of social media influence I'm talking about. Yeah, we saw some of them today.

We saw some of them today. In Nitha, taking photos of them surfing. And their little stepboard and then... Quite funny, actually. We were, all four of us were walking back from this pretty isolated beach area and it's in the national park and we were talking about something a little bit gross, a little bit inappropriate. No, it's not gross.

It's something that happens. It's very normal. We're talking about peeing in the ocean. No, peeing in the ocean and peeing in the shower. Everyone does it. Yeah. Very satisfying. Very satisfying.

It is what it is. I'm just saying it at the end of the day who pees in the ocean, the fucking whales. Thank you. Also, if you're at the beach, if you're at the beach, and you have the choice of going to one of those grimy public toilets that are near a beach or peeing in the ocean. Yeah, you're in the ocean. 100%.

Also, by the time, you know, the sun disinfects it, right? And whales pee. Whales pee a lot more. Fish pee. And you're saving clushing. Pooh, Momopo's pee. Mamipo. Mammens.

Mammipoo. But anyhow, these are influenced her types just gave us the dirt. Was that why they gave us dirty looks? I was trying to figure, okay, that makes so much sense. They were just like ill. Because we were cackling away. As we should. We were having a great time.

As we should. But yeah, I think people like that live very naive. I want to use the word sheltered. Again, I'm making a huge stereotype and like broadly painting everybody with the same brush. but I think very sheltered life in which their ability to live the way they do is due to their disposable income, lack of responsibility and nepotism, baby. Vibes. Vibes. Which is not to say there's anything wrong with that because I would also love that because I would love to be naive.

So you're saying you want to be naive. With like consuming all my fast fashion, gobble, gobble, gobble. Shane. What is it called? every week and you shine package the clothing brand? Sheen. Oh, Sheen. No, they'd be going something like,

they'd probably be going Princess Polly, I think. Yeah, a bit more high brown. No, Lulu Lemon. Lulu lemon, yeah. Well, you go to your little yoga class and you focus on yourself because you don't, I don't know. No, there's anything, again, there's nothing wrong with going to a yoga class.

Yeah, I was going to say, I actually love it. Sorry, okay, that was a terrible example. I hate yoga. I hate your, No, who was talking to, I think E.J. and I was talking about this the other day. Maybe it was E.J. Again, terrible memory. Wow. This podcast is really showing this. But, yeah, basically, um, she was talking about this. I think it was E.J. Was where she, um, goes to a yoga class and sees, like, the same people every single morning sometimes. And they'll go, like, three times a day, have lunch, do a little, like, afternoon session and then, like, go home. And I was like, to live like that would be. pure bliss.

So Erin wants to be naive. The applaudy's mom. The applaudy's mom. Me and Kate want to be jaded. You too want to be naive. Yeah. Yeah. Kate's going to read the next question.

It would probably be less anxious if I was naive. 110%. Less anxiety, for sure. Less anxiety. Next question. When's the first time you truly felt like an adult? Well, I don't know because I always, when I talk about real adults, okay, people,

with mortgages and real more I have a real job but like real real jobs anyways I like to make the distinction that I am not one of those real adults yet I feel like I'm 15 most days surely you feel it have felt like an adult before

I I feel the same as when I was 15 and I when I'm on the on catching public transport and I'm in my work clothes looking around everyone is in their business attire I'm like, I look like the two kids down in their school uniforms.

I'm like, I'm that. Yeah. It's actually a really hard question. Are you trying to think about it, Kate? Yeah, I am. I can remember a period when I first felt like an adult. Like, there was this time, I think it was in the middle of my first year at uni. And I just kind of got my heart broken.

And I felt for the first time like I was making adults. decisions and feeling adult feelings and I was like responsible for those feelings and mine is so interesting you say that mine is so similar really yeah my first year as well yeah I wouldn't say heartbroken but I would say bit of a shake-up in my life oh um but it was like the first time that I was like I'm kind of like the only person here for myself right now whereas usually if this would happen when I was back home you know in Melbourne like with my family and stuff I'd just be like a crying wreck or just an anxious mess and there'd be a lot of people around to be like oh you're fine like let's take care of you cookie dinner lardi da whatever it was um but i was just fully on my own

and i just remember yeah one day just uh just a lot had happened and i was just sort of walking through like the city in cambra i hadn't eaten all day it was like 2 pm all the lunch shops were closed i was just a mess i was having i was just trying to get to some chemist to get something it was just all over the show yeah and i was like freak like you really only have have yourself in this moment. And it was just sort of like a moment of realization where I was like, damn, like I'm a real, I don't know. Yeah.

Um, she feels. Yeah. And it's interesting to say that because mine was very, very similar. Being responsible for your own emotions and just like, deep emotions really push you there. It's so interesting. I never knew that. Yeah. And I, but I had a similar thing where I was really sad and I was walking, I don't know,

I think you were the only person who was in my life for this period, but I would walk around campus at like 2, 3 a.m. in the morning. Yeah, all by myself and I would walk around and I put on really loud music and I would walk into like the darkest spots of campus. It's incredibly dangerous. I would walk down to the Solomon Creek and I just and I remember just being like one time I walked back into the building and I was like checking for my card to get in and I found it and I just like stood there and I was just like I felt really, really mature and I felt jaded. I felt jaded. I felt jaded.

Damn. Yeah. Erin, what about you? I would say, interestingly, I have like two, one that happened kind of recently because for me it kind of comes and goes. I know the question is first time, but I want to hear both. Yeah. Well, I think both, like the first thing is 100%.

Sometimes I get these random flashes where I'm like, I could wake up at 3m and go for a walk and nobody could stop me. Because when I was a kid, I used to want to go for like runs all the time when I couldn't get to sleep at like 10 p.m. at night or whatever. and I used to be like, oh, I really want to just like go for a run, get all this energy out of me, whatever. And my mom would never let me because she'd be like, yeah, it's way too unsafe outside. I was 15. Totally get that.

You were still a child. You're a real one. I was an actual child. But I always have these realizations that as an adult. I'm like, oh my God, I could just like go and like go for a walk or, you know. Those sudden realizations, because I feel like I mentally feel 15 most of the time. But the sudden realizations happen on public transport. Yeah, yeah.

Catching a plane by yourself. Yeah, catching a plane by yourself. Yeah. Which I can't do, so. I feel like I did that as a child, though. Like, if I was going back to W.A.C. family or something, you'd go on a plane as a child. Yeah, but, like, when you go and book your own flights and stuff.

Yeah, when you're organising your own accommodation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like an adult right now? Right. With you guys, no?

What? I was, like, an absolute child. Yeah. Today, when we were on the ferry, I was like, I feel like I'm 60. Yeah, I was 16. All my little trip with my French dinitia. I felt like mom today, though. With my bag.

Yeah. What was your second one? So yeah, first one, random, which, interestingly, I've never done. I've, like, never gone enough at 3-a-m and, like, wandering around by myself, probably because I'm concerned for my safety. But just the fact that you know you could do that. But the fact that you know you could talk that up to be an adult. And the second one is that,

when I moved with Jack, my boyfriend, to... Who we like? A fan of the podcast. I don't know if he's ever listened to a single podcast episode. I've told him to. He's not a podcast person. We discussed this on the previous girls talk episode, why he's in a podcast person.

Next road trip, just cue it. Yeah, yeah. But, oh no, he has listened to it with me. Whether he's listened to any of the episode, anyway, I'm going on to check it. Yeah, continue. Um, we, when we moved Tazzi together, we lived together in like a big three bedroom house in Hobart, which was really lovely. Um, and we would often have moments where we'd be like cooking dinner together or whatever. And we were like, wow, like, this feels like a real, like adult thing. Because like, it's interesting because like when you live with your partner, like separately, it feels very, very grown up because it's something like, I guess people romanticise a lot probably. Like, like, when you're a kid. kid and you're like, I one day I'm going to live in my house with my time.

But also it's like, oh, we can just like literally eat whatever we want for dinner. Like sometimes we get pros of pizza and jibis for dinner. It's really yummy. And then other times we'll cook like a big meal or we'll have soup or something really healthy or, you know. But yeah, when we were living together and we, it was always like when we were cooking, which is really interesting. But we, as, because we had like our own beautiful big kitchen in Tazzi and we'd always be

cooking dinner or maybe like dancing around in the kitchen together or like you know playing reflex or just like talking about our days and it's like wow it feels like a real adult thing because living in the sharehouse doesn't make you feel like an adult oh it makes me feel like I am 12 yeah it makes you live with your you're living with your buddies yeah it's just fun yeah hey crazy about what you just said you were like when you move in with your partner it's this thing that you've looked forward to as a child it's just I had not realized this but you're like one of my first friends who've done that. And it's crazy to be like, oh my God, we're in that stage. And I'm just, isn't it crazy to be like, oh my God, we're in the stage when people are doing that.

And you've just had a little of those moments. Where people are moving in with their partners. And I'm just like, have any of my friends? No, I don't think any. Oh, uh, Jita. Gita. Yeah. Rita. Rita. Why don't I say Gita? I was thinking about friend Gia. It sounds felt. Yeah. I think also I'm just like totally not. Well, you guys all have very beautiful relationships with people who you've all been together with almost all of you at a year. We all started dating our partners at the same time last year. And you know who I started dating?

Someone who is shit. Who I no longer speak to. But you guys all started dating people, but it's fine because I really like all your partners. So I'm not even in that mindset, Aaron, at all. Of, like, this is what an adult like feels like. But it's really, it's really weird because it feels very, official and I think sometimes that's quite scary but it's also really fucking fun.

Like living together with Jack is so living together. Living with Jack living together is really really fucking fun. We have lots of fun. That's so nice. Okay so to wrap this up we're going to do a quick speed round one question for one person going around the circle so we can say goodbye to our three lovely guests for coming on. Phoebe would you like to start a question for Kate? For me. No, we pick it for each person. No, you pick for your own. So, Kay, you pick for myself.

Do I pick from the top of the deck? Yeah, do it. Or I'm just, I'm going, diving into the middle here. Okay, great. Freak. How do I do it? If there was one reason for living, what do you think it is? Go, go, go, go, go.

Two and a half minute. One, okay, one reason for living. God, I think it's just to make all the fucking mistakes in the world, but learn from them so that your life, like, actually has purpose and meeting. If you're just, like, constantly living a happy life, life, honestly, what's the point in living? Make mistakes, learn from them. Have a life worth living.

I don't know what to say. I thought it would be Messina. I thought you were going to answer seriously. I thought her answer was going to be Gilada Messina. And also for Messina. Okay, Gemma, you got it. Ready? Oh, actually, we answered that question last night.

We also answered that question last night. You got a last night question. Yeah, wait. What's an irrational phobia of yours? Plains. Plains, yes. Very easy. My irrational phobia is planes.

Another irrational phobia is that personal one, but everyone I date is going to find someone after me. Which isn't even like, it's incredibly irrational because it's a high likelihood that every single person you will date will move on to another person because that's how dating works. Over to you, Erin. and or relationships. Guys, you've had so much time we've done very, very speed, speed, brown. And let's keep it up. 30 seconds. Let's keep it up.

Nice. Because you like to land. Here we go. This is an alien question. Oh, I hate you. Make it brief. What do you think aliens look like? Oh, green.

It's not the question of right. Yeah, I agree, Kato. I agree. I was a little UFO center in the Northern Territory. It's White Cliff Wells. Can you talk about that quickly? No, no. No, no, no.

You can tell me about it, though? I'll tell me about it after this. Tell me about it after. Um, I think that we simply could not comprehend what aliens look like. And I think that they're probably all watching us, like the Truman Show. Oh, no. The film. We're just their little pawns.

And I reckon they place bets on our lives. Yeah. I reckon we're fully just like, there's no scientific basis for this, by the way. This is my personal theory. Yeah. I think that's interesting because as a child, I used to think that we were living in a little tiny box and giants were playing with us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Doles that giants would control. Yeah, that's similar vibes. Similar vibes. Maybe your question. From the top. Oh. Make it rock.

How would this experience be different if there was no drugs or alcohol? Well, I'm not drinking right now, so it would be the exact same. That's a silly question. I'm doing a new one. Do it even one. Would you rather live without love or money?

I would definitely rather live without money. Ooh. I will go live as a recluse in the mountains with some goats. And who you love. Who I love. The goats which is all right. Okay, Kate got that one completely wrong. And that would be it.

So that's, I, money makes me really stressed. So that love makes me really happy. What a beautiful. Oh, what a beautiful, beautiful and beautiful. In the words of Phoebe, money makes me stressed, but love makes me happy. And you know what? In the words of Kate Balter, all of today, my money don't jiggle, jiggle, jigs. It's cold.

The amount of times I heard her, we'd be walking on the path. My money can't get me. You don't get on in front of us. Big thank you to these guys for coming on. They are some of my. Of course, any time. my dearest, dearest friends. So it was an amazing weekend.

And hopefully you guys heard that in this podcast. So thanks, Erin. Thanks, Phoebe. Thanks, Kate. Thanks, Gemma. And thank you, Jenna. Yes, Gemma. And play some of these questions with your friends.

Right them down. And then let us know on the Instagram. Which is at That Psychology Podcast. At that. Psychology Podcast. I changed it recently. Oh. I hated the old one.

And I also changed the branding. Did anyone notice the... I did. I did. I saw your Instagram story about it. Yep. I voted on the poll. You all did.

I actually saw that you all voted. Yeah, of course we did. I kind of mad at the most. Devoted listeners. Devoted. Devoted. And yeah, make sure you subscribe and leave a rating on the podcast

on either Spotify or Apple Podcast. If you feel called to do so. And thank you again for tuning in. Send it to your friends. Send it to your friends. Like I have sent it to my podcast. My loved ones. My loved ones.

Goodbye. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor.

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