The Psychology of your 20s - 366. I moved to London

Episode Date: December 21, 2025

I'm officially a UK resident! My thoughts on moving and this exciting new chapter for the podcast x ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [e-mail]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody. I'm Gemma Speck and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our 20s. Today, guys, I have some big news. I moved to London. Might not be big news for some of you who follow me on Instagram, but it's true. I have made, the leap across the pond, the psychology of your 20s is officially a UK-based podcast.

It's been very exciting. And I want to talk about my decision to move overseas in my 20s, what's been going on, what we've learned, some of the failing, some of the harder parts, the cultural adjustments. And yeah, just some advice that I would give for people who want to do the same and how I'm going to plan. to meet friends and all that kind of stuff. Like there's just a lot to talk about. To begin with, I moved with my boyfriend with my lovely, amazing boyfriend. And I'm going to tell you the story of how we decided on London and kind of when we decided

and how we decided to move. So taking it all the way back to when I first met him, when I first met Tom, I feel like you guys know the story, but it was very unexpected. I was in Bali, I was on Hinge, and I matched with this guy, then ended up ghosting in for a little bit. That guy, I've now been with him for like almost three years and he's incredible. At the time that I met him, though, I just quit my full-time job and I was like, I'm a single girl in her 20s. I want to move to London. And for those who are in the UK or in Australia, you'll know it's like a big trend.

there's like a whole joke that you turn 25 in Australia and you move to London. Like it's a very classic like migratory pattern. Like a lot of people do it. I genuinely think that at this point I have more friends in like Australian friends in London than I did in Sydney because of just like, you know, how, how classic it is. And I was like, you know what? London sounds great. I like knew a lot of people here and I was going to move at the end of the year and then I met this amazing person. and I feel like when I met Tom, I was in such a great, centered headspace of like, a man does not come first. And if this guy who I obviously am really into, like, isn't, doesn't have the same dreams

as me, that's okay, but like I'm not going to pretend it's going to work. So very quickly I said to him, I want to let you know, like, I really plan on living overseas, wherever that may be, like my heart's really set on like either London, or like Seattle or I think I also really wanted to move to Copenhagen. And I was like, my heart's really set on that. So, you know, it is a deal breaker. If that's not in your life plans, can you let me know? He like took some time away and was like,

I've decided that I would really want to do that with you if things go well. Obviously, we've literally been dating for six months. Now that I think about it, it's just a little bit wild that I was like, so when are we going to move overseas? And he's like, I don't even know your blood type. I don't know your parents, like, you know, but I would recommend it. We got very clear on it. He is a lawyer.

I don't know if I've told, said that before, but he's a lawyer. And in Australia, you become a lawyer and then you have to do two years of like professional practicing. So technically he's a lawyer, but you've got to get this thing called P.A. You've got to practice. And then you can become like a, I'm going to butcher it, but like a licensed lawyer. Like you can practice without supervision. It's kind of the same with like doing. residency as a doctor. And he said to me, you know, I have to do this though. So here's the kicker.

If you want to move, you're going to have to give me two years because he literally just become a lawyer. So you're going to have to give me two years. And I, yeah, you know what? Now that story has a good end. But at the time, like, everybody was like, why are you doing that? Like, why are you going to put your life on hold, put a dream that you have on hold for two years for this guy that you've only known for six months and, like, hope it's going to work out. And he says he wants to come with you. you, but what if he doesn't? I knew I could trust him. The two years just like flew by. At the start of this year, we sat down and we were like, are we going to do this? Like, is this something that we're going to do? You know, that was a goal I set. And you really, he also was really keen on like a little

while ago now. Like time, like a year in your 20s is a is like five years. Like so much can change during that time. Like, is this still something that we want to do? And, you know, he said, I'm so freaking Absolutely. Let's do it. So we set a date. We like December works really, really well because obviously that's when he passes, like, finishes his PAE. And we booked our flights and it all happened very, very quickly. This is the ironic thing. This is the weird thing. To have a plan, like, we should have planned more, right? We knew this was going to happen for two years. And I genuinely think we only made the plans for it to happen in the last two months. Like I know that we, we, we book, our flights in October. Mainly because life is just very busy and chaotic and it's not that we

weren't committed to going, but I think we were just like, when is going to be the right time? Do we do before Christmas, after Christmas? And it just kind of ended up working that, yeah, we've moved right before the holidays and it's beautiful and it's Christmasy. So far, it has been incredible. Here have been the biggest adjustments. Firstly, is the weather and the sunlight. And I know that's like so cliche and so many people talk about it. When I'm in Australia, I spend, I would say a good three to four hours outdoors a day. I'm walking my dog. I go for walks.

I work in my backyard. I really like the sunshine and it really doesn't get that cold. Some people complain about it, but it's like it's really not that bad. The sun setting at like 4 p.m. has smashed me and also made it very very much. very hard to fight jet lag because as soon as it hits 4 p.m. I want to have like a little mold wine and I want to go to bed and what baby wants baby gets. So I've been letting myself do that. I've been like holding out to like 7.38. But definitely like I'm the jet like is is making it harder and I just feel like the difficulty of being indoors a lot more and not getting

as much sunshine has been difficult. Also coming at Christmas time, I like the week we got here, I went and had dinner with like two of my best friends, Steph and Joe, who moved like three months before we did. And Steph, we were like having dinner and she was like, have you been shoved yet? And I was like, no, what the heck? And she was like, I was like, no, I haven't been shoved. Nobody's going to shove me. Like, I'm pretty tall. I'm like, got broad shoulders. Like, no one of those days, you're going to get shoved. You're going to get pushed. And then you're going to come to me and say, this today was the day that I shoved. I'm officially, I can say I'm living in London

and then it literally happened the next day. Getting on the tube, getting on the bus, I feel like there's so much bodily contact with strangers that I don't have in Australia and a lot less like Cheerio and hi and chatting maybe just because it's winter. That's been a little bit of an adjustment. Also, you know, just to take a turn,

like there was like a terrorist attack in Australia when like a less than. five days after we got here. It was like this anti-Semitic terrorist attack in a place that like we called home and that we visited and that we knew. To my best friends used to live across the road from where the festival, the Hanukkah festival was being held. And I remember like this is wild, but two years ago when it was being held, I was pet sitting there

dog and watching the festival and to think that like yeah oh my god i need to not get emotional about it because it's very sad but um you know in australia like this stuff doesn't happen and i know everybody says that but it really doesn't and it's so shocking and it's been hard i'm excited about living in london but it has been hard feeling like you want to mourn and grieve and be around friends and family, but they're thousands of miles away and you don't live in that city anymore. And everyone around you in this new city that you live in is carrying on as usual. And it just doesn't feel it. It's just a weird transplant moment where you're like, I just want to talk to somebody about

this. And yeah, everybody's just kind of going on about that day. Like when Australia is asleep, we're awake. And so, you know, you go to bed and then all this news comes in and you wake up and you have nobody to really process it with. And there's a lot of Australians in London and in the UK. And it's been this weird experience where I was in Sainsbury's the other day. And I like heard somebody with an Australian accent. And I just like, it was weird. I like wanted to, um, oh my God, I don't want to cry. But like, like, I wanted to go over and say hi and just be like, it was like this weird

gravitational pull of like this terrible thing has happened. And like, it was, I'm not going to go up to a stranger and be like, hey, can you help me process? Like, I don't know, like my weird disenfranchised grief and maybe also guilt for not being able to support the victims and my friends and family. So, yeah, wow, that took a turn. It took a turn. But it's just in a weird experience being, like, just wanting to do something for your community and these people and they have lost their, like, lives and these victims and having to just kind of watch from a thousand miles away and and hope that like the love that you're sending from afar is being received and that I don't know um

it's just so awful it's just so awful but some of the like how do you change how do we how do we theme change from here let's talk about maybe apartment hunting there we go out it's funny because like as this has been happening like also like we don't really have a place to to live. And it was really stressing me out like when we got here and then this has happened. It just feels like it doesn't really matter as much. Like it's been very bizarre where I'm like, oh, you know, the first few days we were here, we got like some bad news that like our sublet had fallen through and these like, it's an amazing couple had like offered to let us sublet their home for three months because they were going to the US and then her visa got denied.

So we literally found out like on the plane that like, oh, we don't have anywhere to live come January. So it's been like this very rapid series of events and things that are going on. Apartment hunting in London is not for the week. I will just say that. The amount of price gouging that is happening, like people who will like we will offer and then they'll say, well, somebody else has just offered more and we've accepted their offer. But if you want to offer 900 quid, like we could totally. go for that. And then we're like, oh, yeah, okay, we can offer that. And they go, oh, bad luck. Like somebody else has come back with the other offer. I'm like, what is going on in this

location? And then just like getting references in and how quickly things move, fingers crossed by the time you're listening to this episode, we will have an apartment because we put in an offer. It got accepted. We put in our references. That literally happened within 24 hours. Like we reached out and like, we want to see the place. And then. And we saw it and then we put an offer and it was accepted and then they did our references. We haven't heard anything since. So I'm like, fingers crossed, it's going to be okay. But that has just been like a whole like experience of just of stress.

Like moving countries is deeply, deeply stressful. And I think I was a little bit naive in thinking like it's not going to be that bad because I work for myself and like I don't have to job hunt. I thought that because I don't have to look for a job. is going to be really easy. No, it's just a major adjustment. And it's definitely like given me a bit of a flare up in, yeah, some obsessive thinking, some anxious thinking. And I, like, before we left, I was like, why am I so stressed? Why am I so emotional? And Tom and my friends were like, because you're moving countries. And I was like, yeah, but we're not there yet. So it's like,

it shouldn't be this overwhelming. And yeah, I think I definitely underestimated. Yeah, how, how overwhelming it's going to be. How weird it is to say goodbye to everything. everybody but still feel like, you know, you saw them a week ago, which is like kind of normal. You sometimes don't see your friends for a week, but knowing like you're not going to see them the next few weeks. And having that bit of loneliness as well, I've only been here for, I don't know, how long has it been? Like, genuinely a week. And I've already felt this pressure to like, how come I don't have any new friends here? It's like, you've been here for a week. And like, oh, how come we, our apartment that we don't even have the keys to isn't fully furnished

yet? And how come we don't have our UK bank accounts open? And, you know, I don't know if this has been your experience if you've moved countries in your 20s, but it feels like you get here and you expect your life to be pre-built and you forget that like the city you were in before and maybe the one before that, you had to build that from nothing and you had to build that up. That's not just going to be transplanted to wherever you are. So I'm excited about that process. I'm also very nervous about it.

And I want to talk about my approach, my game plan. I'm a very efficient person and I like to have my steps in place for how I'm going to achieve something, how I'm going to achieve friendship. So I'm going to talk about that after this short break. Stay with us. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%, I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory.

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Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so we're here. We're in London. Here are a couple questions that people had for me about the move. The first is what is happening to Talu, my dog. So in case you don't know, I adopted a dog this last year, this year. And she's a line of my life and she is wonderful.

it is quite difficult to get pets into the UK, but also to get pets back into Australia. This kind of feeds into another question, which is how long do you plan to stay? And the thing is, is that we don't know. So our decision process was there is no point putting her through the process of moving if in six months, even a year, we're like, we actually don't like it here. And we want to move back. So what we're going to do is give ourselves six months to make a decision on how long do we want to stay. And if it's less than a year, we won't move her over.

And if it's more, then we will. Trust me, she is fine. She is having the time of her life. She's staying with my parents and my sisters. They really wanted another dog. Really wanted another dog. But my childhood dog is quite elderly. and he's still alive and they didn't want to get a puppy or they didn't want to get, you know,

a new untrained dog when our childhood dog was still alive. And like, you know, you don't want his replacement to be sitting right there. It's kind of like a weird cruel thing. But they did really want like another dog in the house, especially as he's getting older. And it just kind of worked out perfectly. Also, because my parents are going to be empty nesters in the next couple of years. They didn't want to get a new dog and then be like, now we don't have any kids at home to like play with this dog and you know my sisters really want a dog

but like you know they're going to be out of home and they're not going to take care of it and they're not going to be around so actually it's worked out really really well and her and my childhood dog get along very well it's very cute my sister also has this cat that she found uh who's very cute actually and they're like getting along and my other sister has a rabbit my three sisters i have a dog my sister has a rabbit, my other sister has a cat, they all look exactly the same. They are all a very specific kind of black and white animal. And like we always joke that that's like our, yeah, like that the reflection of our soul is in the pets that we chose, but the fact they all look the same is quite funny. Like we have the same pet in different fonts. So Tala was fine. Tala was very happy.

Kind of hurt my feelings a little bit when like I don't actually think she knows that I'm gone. I'm sure she does, but my sister's are sending me photos. I'm like, this dog is having a great time. Not that I wanted her to feel sad, but I was like, oh, great. She already forgotten about me, which is both a good, happy and kind of like a bittersweet thing. Second question, how long are we going to stay? Sorry, to properly address that. Like, ultimately, my visa is for three years, and then we can apply for permanent residency.

If we love it, that's probably getting a little bit ahead of myself. I'm just going to see how the first six months goes. and if we love it, if we're enjoying it, if we're making progress towards loving it, we will stay, we will bring over our beautiful dog and hopefully be happy with that decision. But I also am like trying not to be afraid of saying I'm wrong and going back on decisions because they're not right. I had this big thing before I left of like, what if I moved to London and I don't like it? And, you know, people, and then I have to tell people I don't like it.

and I have to move home and I'm a failure. And like, I'm not having any of that anymore. I'm just cutting off that thought from my brain. If it's not right, I'm not going to linger. I'm not going to try and convince myself it's right. I'm going to give it the best I've got and then just trust that things are going to fall in the place. And if it's not and the feeling isn't there, we move on to the next thing. We move home.

We move somewhere else. How am I going to make friends? This is not the first time I've moved to a new city that I do not. know. I moved to Canberra for university. I moved to Sydney after university. Now I live in London. I know that it's going to take three months to feel good about the decision, six months to feel like I have some friends and I have some community. And part of that is just time. I often give this advice to people who are like, I've moved to a new city, what do I do? You've got to about by the six month rule.

The first three months are going to be really hard. The first six months are going to be difficult. But it's almost a science that like when you hit the six month mark, something will change for you, especially if this is where you're meant to be, especially if you're putting in the time and putting in the effort to making relationships, to making community. Six months is it.

And so I genuinely feel like I'm strapping myself in for this like marathon. on. I'm strapping myself in for the next six months and I'm just like, let's go. Let's work really hard at making this feel like home. The biggest things I'm going to be doing is I'm joining a book club, I'm volunteering, I'm joining a boxing group and I'm joining a run club. Ready made groups, communities like that that I can fit into and hopefully offer some services to or offer like and really just like be a part of have always been my goal. to when I moved to Sydney, I joined a life drawing class. I joined a climbing gym. I then like later on, I joined a pottery studio. Kind of fallen out of love with those hobbies, but I'm like, great.

It's time for the next round and I made some wonderful, amazing friends that way. The other thing I'm committing to doing is same grocery stores, same coffee shops, same gym, same route to work. I, same restaurants like I want to meet the people in my neighborhood. that is genuinely how I made three of my like best friends when I moved to Sydney. I met them through consistently interacting with my environment and with like literally like the institutions of my community in a really consistent way because I was like if I have this routine and somebody else has this routine and it's similar, A, we're going to see each other a lot. B, we're probably going to be quite similar people. So that is something I always give

people advice to do is like, yes, explore your new city, but like say hi to people in your local spaces and show up to things at the same time across your week, you will meet like-minded people. The other thing I've asked my friends back in Australia and my friends already living here to do is to platonically set me up with people. I'm committed to the mutual friend route. if my friend likes somebody I would say 99% of the time I'm going to like them as well

one of my like soul sisters Gracie this is how we met I'm using like things that I previously have evidence for I was in Sydney I was really lonely and I remember calling my dad up

and being like I just really want a friend and he was like ask your friends if they know anybody asked to be set up and we went on like a blind friendship date together and it was like love at first sight So I've already got a few of those things planned. And I'm also going to do some community events with the psychology of your 20s because

I don't know if you guys know this. London is the biggest city of listeners. I've already met some of you here. I think I've already met like five or six of you. Shout out to the girls at UCLA who I ran into when I'd had a few wines the other night coming home in Camden. Thank you for saying hi. And I just feel like you guys are so cool.

and I'm totally down for like being friends with listeners, particularly because I feel like you guys and me would have so much in common and I think you guys are really cool. And every time I meet you, I want to be your friends anyways. So I'm going to lean in heavily to that. And I'm also going to join a co-working space. I think something that has made the last few months in Sydney particularly hard for me was because I knew I was leaving, I just like spent a lot of time at home. And I wasn't like,

I wasn't going to my co-working space. I wasn't finding a new co-working space. I wasn't really putting anything new in place to make community and to get out of my house because I was like, there's not really a point. I'm going to be gone soon. And the thing is, is that it's like a terrible attitude to have. And it meant that I just spent a lot of time in my little second bedroom office dungeon and then was wondering why I felt so terrible. I'm not doing that again this time. I have booked my membership. I have booked my co-working space. I'm going to be the most jolly person at that we work and I'm going to make everybody be friends with me and I'm going to get out of my house and I'm going to be productive outside of my home. Another question somebody asked is

any advice I want to make a similar move from Australia to the UK. Um, okay, biggest piece of advice is the visa is going to cost you a lot more than you think, specifically because you have to pay the healthcare levy. So just take that into account and make sure that you are prepared for that. Don't buy the service. This is so oddly specific. Do not buy the service that says they will scan your documents for you because it is a lie. Sorry, I'm so angry about this.

But when I got my visa, they had like this optional service. It was like $50 and they'd scan your documents. And I did it. And guess what? They don't scan them. You have to scan them yourself. You have to send them to them to them and then they'll send them through for you. So don't listen to their lives.

They don't actually scan them. Sorry. Don't do that. Have at least, I would say, two months to three months of savings, maybe even more. It's kind of similar to when you quit your job, right? Because I'm assuming most of you will have to quit your job to move here. But even if you don't, like, it's an expensive. place to live. I've already noticed that. Something I took for granted is that we have GST included in

Australia. They do not. So you'll pay for your food and then it'll be like, wait, what the heck? 20% more on top of the bill because we don't have that, right? Like even if we do, it's quite minimal. It's an expensive city. Rent is really expensive. Save as much as you can also so that when you get here, you can kind of enjoy yourself and you don't feel like you're scrambling. You don't feel like you're very stressed that's something that we've had in the first few days not with jobs but with um housing and other things that are going on that just meant that it's a beautiful time in london it's christmas markets and it's been kind of hard to enjoy it because it's been like we have to go home and do all these things so if you can make money less of a stressor i would say do it also don't bring all of your bags on

the plane we took we've done two like big suitcases and one little mini carry on suitcase and like a backpack each. We had friends like ship their stuff over on a boat. It cost a lot of money to get an extra suitcase, especially since mine was overweight. It was like 40 kilos. But when they shipped it on the boat and then they went and picked it up, I think it was like so much cheaper. So that's an option. Don't bother bringing furniture. Bring as little as possible. Clear out your wardrobe. I brought too many clothes. I've gotten here. I'm not wearing them. Now I have to get rid of them when I'm already here and I paid to bring them over. Just really take like this. minimal approach. Like one of my neighbors said to me before we left, like, oh, this is like one of

the rare opportunities you have to travel quite light through life. Like your soul is kind of not as burdened by physical possessions. You can go anywhere, be anything, choose anything. And that felt really nice to me. So I'm really trying to embrace that and live quite minimally in this moment. And I would recommend doing that as well also just because it saves you money and frustration. But those would be my biggest tips. I think in maybe three months, I think at the six month mark, actually I'm going to do another episode.

If you guys want it, of course. I'm going to do another episode about my thoughts. Right now, yes, a lot of has happened in the first week that we've been here. I'm still incredibly optimistic about it. And maybe I'm like applying my like Sydney learnings to London when it is a different city and might be a bit harder to get my foot in the door in terms of routines and community and friendship,

but I am really committed to trying and for not making the same mistakes that I've made previously when I've moved to new cities, which is only relying on the friends I already have there and being kind of isolated. So I'm going to give you guys an update in six months. Maybe like the next thing you'll hear about this, like I'm back in Australia and we just won't address it ever again.

But I have a good feeling about it, just like I have a good feeling about 2026. So yeah, let's see what happens. I'm really excited. I want to also thank you guys for like, you know, obviously listening to the podcast and allowing me to move here and yeah, you made this happen for me. So I feel like it's my win. It's also a win for all of us. And I really appreciate all the listens from this year and all the support. I'm in a really like grateful sappy mood. I'm just very emotional at the moment. So yeah, I'm just projecting. I just being like, I love you guys all so much. But it's true and I'm very grateful, especially with my book this year and with the tour.

And I'm excited to do a lot more stuff in Europe. So if you're a European listener, if you're a London listener, hopefully I'll get to meet you this year, next year. Hopefully I'll see you around. That sounds strange to say. But hopefully we're going to be friends. That's something I'm really looking forward to. If you enjoyed this episode, maybe leave a little British emoji in the comments down below, especially if you've made it this far. If you are, have moved cities, move countries in your 20s, or if you are a London listener, give me some tips, what should I know? What's something that you wish you knew when you moved here or moved anywhere?

Also follow us on Instagram at That Psychology Podcast or at Gemma Spagg if you want to see some more personal updates with my transition to London life. And until next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. We will talk very, very soon. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences,

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