The Psychology of your 20s - 455. Why does time start flying in our 20s?

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

It’s a known fact that time moves faster as we get older, but what does this really mean, and can we slow it down? In this episode, we’re going to try to make sense of why flies as we ente...r our 20s - from memory, to novelty, eye movements and the effects of COVID.  Watch on Netflix: HERE We explore: Different types of time: measured vs. perceived What makes time feel fast and slow? The effect of the pandemic The relationship between time and age How social media is making time go faster The 4 ways we can feel like we have more time  Happy listening!  Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:24 I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.
Starting point is 00:01:09 I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to serve the same level of discourse.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer, chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Adria Health Institute in New York City. I'll be talking to top researchers and clinicians and bringing vital information about midlife women's health directly to you. 100% of women go through menopause.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it? Listen to Decoding Women's Help with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Speak and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you here. back for another episode as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. Today we are talking about time, specifically why it seems to move so much faster as we get older and why the months just seem to be shorter and shorter every single year. I want you to think back for a second to being a kid and to being a kid in summer. Like those summers used to feel absolutely endless. You'd go back to school
Starting point is 00:03:31 and it felt like a lifetime had passed. Three months felt like eternity. Every six months, you felt like you were a new person. Compare that to now where an entire year can go by and you will swear it's been a couple of weeks. Where did that endless feeling kind of go? Where did it disappear to? I think a lot of us can point to a very specific moment
Starting point is 00:03:52 where our relationship with time kind of broke. And that's probably during COVID. Suddenly, our days had no shade. There was no commute, no plans, no real distinction between a Tuesday and a Saturday. And for a lot of us, especially anyone who was a teenager in the early 20s at the time, I think months just kind of dissolved into each other. And I don't think many of us have fully gotten that sense of structured, meaningful time back. The days just get faster and faster.
Starting point is 00:04:24 So today, we are going to actually unpack this. Why does time feel like it speeds up as we get older? And how do we slow it right back down again using actual psychology and actual science? We're going to talk about the different types of time, the ways that time can be measured, especially how they are understood across cultures, how memory and novelty play into all of this, how being online, our digital lives have changed our perception of time. And then, most importantly, is promised the three things that will make your life and your days and your years feel longer without you happening to do very much at all. So without further ado, let's get into it.
Starting point is 00:05:08 So in order to really start answering questions about time passing us by with age and why that feels faster, we do need to understand how time is even measured in the first place. And I know it feels silly and quite obvious to ask things like, you know, what is time? It's very like, philosophical because I feel like we all kind of know it's something ingrained in us very deeply, but there are levels to this. There's always levels to things like this. Your sense of time originates in the brain. Different regions keep track of different aspects of your environment that anchor your time perception. For example, things like daylight, things like exhaustion, things like movement, attention. Interestingly, the evidence suggests that there may
Starting point is 00:05:59 be a separate clock for each of our senses and that they all kind of talk and coordinate and communicate to just give us a sense of where we are in a day, where we are in a moment where we are in our lives. Based on what you are experiencing, time can either dilate and feel like it's passing slower, like when you're bored, or it can contract and feel like it's speeding up, like when you're in a flow state or when you're in a really good conversation or you're drunk and you're partying and suddenly it's 2 a.m. All of this is based in your brain. So the neurological experience of time is one thing. Then there is the social experience or social measurement of time, which is a lot more critical for what we're talking about today. Things like morning, like noon,
Starting point is 00:06:50 like bedtime, 2 p.m., lunchtime, midnight. That is what we would call the stand. measurement of time or the social measurement of time. However, the typical units of measurement that we use, so minutes, seconds, weeks, years, that kind of stuff, they're just made up. They're made up. We just use them to communicate and get on the same page. At some point, someone decided 60 seconds made a minute, 60 minutes made an hour, simply because it was very easy to divide. That's like the one theory. It was an easily divisible number. That's why it was chosen. Measure time is therefore what we call a social construct, and how time feels to us beyond that, psychologically, is also very cultural. So historically, and now we're really getting into the
Starting point is 00:07:38 history here, but time has been measured differently by different cultures. Kind of makes sense, but agricultural societies used to measure time by changing seasons and crop rotations. Others went by like the position of the sun and the moon. That's what led to the invention of the sundial, the first like original kind of clock measurement of time. Interestingly, there is an anthropologist. His name is Edward T. Hall. And he argued that Western societies, we see time is fixed and perpetual, which is why we like to think about things sequentially and chronologically. And we really like ideas of progress and we like ideas of growth. And our behaviors and timelines are shaped by this experience and how we see time as kind of the segmented thing that moves forward. On the other hand,
Starting point is 00:08:29 he and his kind of research and travels saw how other societies like those in Latin America and those in Asia are what we call polychronic, meaning time is viewed more as a stream that ebbs and flows. A lot can happen all at once and then they can be nothing for years. Nothing for years. I also came across this writing by the Kenyan-born philosopher John M. B.T. and he notes how Kenyan belief specifically doesn't conceptualize the future at all. Because in his view, time needs to be, well, not in his view, in their view, time needs to be experienced in order to be real. So future time is not a concept. Since it's impossible to experience the future, like, it just doesn't exist. Instead, like, you need, the future is only created by
Starting point is 00:09:17 the present moment. And you have to see how that perception that's passed along culturally, will influence how people view the future and how people view planning and how people view death and all these sorts of things. So as we've evolved, we've definitely tried to get more specific and unified across different locations and different cultures, especially for capitalism, especially for the purpose of trade. And that is why we kind of invented standard time zones. And that's why we invented coordinated universal time, where we kind of all, we can kind of know what time it is in Sydney versus what time in London versus Kenya. Despite that, each of us will still experience time differently. Our perception of time is very unique. It varies from person to person,
Starting point is 00:10:00 regardless of what the time on a clock or on your phone says. Ten minutes to me might not feel the same as it does to you or the next person, even if it's measured the same way. It depends on what we have going on. It depends on how we mark time personally. For example, do you mark time by big moments or novel moments or sleep or productivity or days. It changes if we're listening to music. It changes if we're in a flow state. And it just changes because of other overarching personality factors like patience levels, temperament, even how you were raised.
Starting point is 00:10:33 And this is the third face of time, the one that stems from your own psychology and your own experiences. And the one that we really need to explore to kind of understand, why time feels so much faster now than it did when we were little kids or than it did when we were in COVID. One thing that we know really influences our perception of time, more than anything else, is novelty. Basically, novelty is the more new things you experience, the more newness you have in your life. The more of that, the more that those long stretches of time are broken up by things that kind of create distinct snapshots.
Starting point is 00:11:16 know I said that time seems to speed up when we're really interested in something or when we're having a lot of fun or we're curious or we're excited, but those moments in hindsight seem to make time feel more expansive. So in the moment novelty speeds up time in hindsight, it actually slows it down. It makes it seem like you have more of it. In a 2007 study published in the Journal of Vision, researchers found that when people were exposed to two types of stimulus, one which was exciting and large and colorful and flashing, and one which was very simple and slightly boring, people thought that they saw the first stimulus, the exciting one, for longer, despite seeing both the boring and the exciting one for the exact same period of time. Remember, the researchers
Starting point is 00:12:04 were controlling this. So this kind of proves this point that novelty seems to make time feel bigger, more is kind of crammed into the same amount of space that, you know, wouldn't be as filled with boring things. Further to this, there is a very, very famous experimental study and also an experimental method called the Oddball Experiment, which has kind of proven something very similar. So the Oddball experiment is this protocol where during the experiment, people are shown images over and over in the same order, but at one point there is a novel kind of odd-ball image thrown into the mix. People reported perceiving this new image as being shown for a much longer period of time, similar to the study from before. And this has been repeated time and time again.
Starting point is 00:12:54 It's one of the most repeated studies, and it essentially shows that time seems to stretch and seems to get larger, the more that we are experiencing that is new to us. This is really critical, and this is why time appears to go faster the older we get. When we are younger, we are We are experiencing new things all the time, all the time, whether it's our first time learning about a concept in school or hearing a word or our first time riding a bike or seeing a new species of flower or trying a new food. There's just so much stuff to see and to feel and to hear. We are constantly being exposed to new stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:33 As we age though, there are just fewer and fewer things that we perceive as entirely new because the more life you have lived, the more you have encountered, hopefully. And this is what causes the change in our perception. And that is definitely applicable in our 20s. And we probably notice it more here than any other decade. If you think about it, our lives become a lot more structured during this decade, especially around work, especially around full-time work. And it can feel very tedious and monotonous.
Starting point is 00:14:08 And this is why time seems to speed up. very quickly after we leave school. When we were at school, we had more vacation time. We were always learning different subjects. We had a lot more space for new experiences, specifically during our every day. Now we are normally focused in doing the exact same thing. That's what a full-time job sometimes feels like. So time seems to get faster. Memory is also a big part of this conversation because our perception of time is not only limited to the present, but to the past, the present, and the future. Just like there are different types of time, you know, there's the social construct, there's the psychological construct, there are also different types of memory. These include
Starting point is 00:14:49 things like episodic memory, which is all about our own personal memories and our own personal collections of important moments for us. There's semantic memory, which is about facts and like general knowledge. There's procedural memory, which is automatic processes, like knowing how to ride a bike, the classic one, you know, how to think when you're typing on a keyboard, that's procedural memory. There's short-term memory or working memory. There's sensory memory. And then there is perspective memory, which is basically remembering to do something in the future. Like I say to myself, okay, I need to get groceries tonight. Later on, my memory is going to remind me, hopefully. When we are looking back on certain periods of life with fondness or maybe with pain or
Starting point is 00:15:40 nostalgia, we're delving into episodic memory. And the reason time felt slower in the past is because we are relying on memories that feel more distinct and segmented or chapter like. And because past times in your life, we're once more filled with increased novelty compared to what you're experiencing right now. They stand out, which probably, you know, right now probably feels very same same. In hindsight, though, what you might find is that actually this feels quite different when it's relative to other things that you've experienced. There's another really interesting layer here, which is emotion. Emotion determines what gets remembered and how time feels. We don't necessarily remember the happiest moments the most clearly. We remember the most emotionally
Starting point is 00:16:31 significant ones because our brain yells out at us that those are the most important ones. If you are experiencing fear or excitement or awe or embarrassment or social rejection, even love, your brain is like, this really matters. This felt really, really intense. Save this. That is why emotionally intense periods of your life often feel longer in hindsight. You know, when you're falling in love, in the few months of like, the few months after you're grieving, time you've spent away on your gap year, like just the intensity of those first few months at university, those all kind of stick out to me. It's the emotional significance around those that strengthens memory consolidation because there's also more emo diversity. There's different
Starting point is 00:17:17 feelings all happening at once that give layers to this memory, give it complexity, and basically give us more material to think back on and to reconstruct later. All of this, combined has a name. This whole thing we're talking about has a term. It's called the memory paradox of time. All we're trying to say is time isn't measured by a clock. It is measured by what you remember and what is consolidated and what is not and what your emotional state was at the time. And it's influenced by so many things that we don't think about. We don't think about our emotions and how they influence time or our mental state or our personality or newness. That's why you could have two people and they could both live to 75 years old. And we're
Starting point is 00:17:59 and one person could feel like their time on earth probably equated more to 50 years, one person could feel like their time equated to 100. Time is just not the same for all of us based on how we fill it. Okay, we're going to take a short break here, but when we return, let's talk about the impact of the pandemic, shall we, and lockdowns and social media. And why, for those of us specifically in our 20s, we are perceiving time as faster than maybe any other generation. So stay with us. The new Red Bull Dragonberry and Tropicberry Energizers, now at McDonald's, made with
Starting point is 00:18:43 freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers, now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details at McDonald's.com. At participating Canadian restaurants excluding Quebec. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people
Starting point is 00:19:27 and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was something. someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:20:54 or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.
Starting point is 00:21:32 It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, what's up? I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez.
Starting point is 00:21:59 But you can call me Toby. We want you to join us. us on our new podcast, No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. We get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce, and all the nitty-gritty stuff we all think about, but just don't say out loud. I hate that job. You're probably just going to meet with some rich guy and he's going to whisk you away and I'll never see you again.
Starting point is 00:22:19 Would you say a D-less actor? D? I don't even know. There's such thing as D. No, no, no. I mean, like... I can't even get on the C-list. Like, I'm not even an average.
Starting point is 00:22:29 I'm not even passing. I'm failing. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez, part of My Culture Podcast Network, available on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. When it comes to thinking about why time feels different for people our age compared to our parents or even to younger generations, two things, two big things stand out. I've said the first one a couple of times. It's the pandemic.
Starting point is 00:22:59 I'm not going to make too many sweeping generalizations about how old I think you are because I know there's a couple of like 60 year olds, 30 year olds, even like 15 year olds who are listening. Actually, a lot of people that listen aren't in their 20s, but I know a big chunk of you are. And if you were between the ages of 17 and 25 during COVID, a big chunk of those memory making years for you and experiences that were associated with those years, like, they just can't be replicated and they didn't happen. You know, those things that were meant to happen to you at 21, they never did. You were indoors. You were inside. Things like solo travel and exchange programs and graduations and orientation weeks and trips and, you know, time spent with friends before
Starting point is 00:23:46 everybody got a full-time job. Like, the opportunity for these things kind of feels like it came and went. And so you're missing this big chunk of years that weren't distinct, that weren't impressionable. And we're mainly, if we're being on a spent scrolling TikTok, like during this massive period of your life when you were meant to be going out and having all these experiences, that just didn't happen for you. And it's very easy to feel like that time passed. That time just was like a weird frozen state that we can't get back. It's also no surprise that the rise of social media, and specifically TikTok, like TikTok took
Starting point is 00:24:28 off during this period of time, and it only sped up our perception of time on top of the fact that we weren't experiencing as much novelty as we had before. The introduction of short form infinite scroll videos has drastically changed how people of our generation are experiencing time compared to older people, probably second only to the pandemic. We began this episode by kind of exploring the three types of time, the measured, the social and the perceived. In this day, age, researchers are now saying there's a fourth, and that is the digital experience of time. And it has completely flipped everything we know about time on its head. As digital technology has advanced to the point where I would say everybody has a smartphone or social media,
Starting point is 00:25:16 unless they've made a very distinct choice not to, what we're finding is that perceptions of time are rapidly increasing and our ability to correctly evaluate how much time we've done. We're spend doing things is decreasing as well. An example of this is like, you think that you've only scrolled for five minutes, you've probably scrolled for 15 and we can't tell the difference. You also think that, you know, cooking dinner is probably going to take an hour and Uber eats is going to take 25 minutes, but it's actually the reverse. Our sense of how long things take has just been flipped. Technology has made a lot of things a lot more efficient. Online shopping makes it so that, you know, we don't have to go all the way to the store to get
Starting point is 00:25:57 what we need. Delivery services mean that, you know, you don't have to go out for food or you don't have to go out to the groceries, you don't have to go out to buy clothes, you don't have to go out to really do anything. There's online health services, there's online entertainment, you know, everything that would require you to leave the house, even for like appointments. Like it can now all be done online and it's apparently more convenient. it. When you decide even then that you do want to go and, you know, do a chore in real life, or go out to a restaurant or anything, like deciding where to go, deciding how to get there, deciding what you're going to order. Like there's an app for everything. You pick a restaurant, Google Maps is already finding you the most convenient pathway. You get there, the reviews are
Starting point is 00:26:45 already telling you exactly what's best to order. This lack of friction seems like a good thing in many ways. AI has only made it so much easier, which I feel like if you know me, you know I have many, many opinions on this that we need another episode for. But it can actually waste a lot more time because as soon as you're using your phone for everything, it's also where you're getting a lot of your enjoyment and pleasure from. So you're being pushed back into the same environment, where you get entertainment every time you want to be productive. All of our decisions, all of our time, our whole life revolves around a screen. And that's doing things to our brain. I found this 2023 study where these researchers interviewed some students in France.
Starting point is 00:27:27 They were all between the ages of 18 and 29, and they asked them about their relationship to time and their relationship to digital technology, specifically their phones. The study found that intense use of digital media prompted losing the notion of time almost completely during moments of the day and losing a sense of feeling in control. It felt like time was harder to manage. It felt like less was happening in their days. It felt like that time was moving in a way that they couldn't perceive. They were blink and it was like, oh my God, 20 minutes passed. The thing is, like, our phones are fun. It doesn't always feel like a waste in the beginning. It's productive sometimes and there's a major sense of socialization and bonding and it's all excites us and it excites our brain.
Starting point is 00:28:14 But it also puts us into a mental state called cognitive inertia. This was a concept first labeled by the psychologist William McGarry in the 1960s. And he basically said, if someone is fixated on something and if they are at rest in that thing, it's hard to get them to move or to change because we like to stay the same. We are organisms that like structure and stability. When we are scrolling, it is very hard to pull our brain away from that state if it's having fun. Even if it's not productive, if we are comfortable and this position, it's difficult to move us on from that. We just want to watch one more video.
Starting point is 00:28:54 We just want five more minutes. Even as we start to feel less and less stimulated, the pool is still there because it takes more friction to move us from doing something to doing another thing than it does if we just kept doing that one thing for this whole time. So also to return to the relationship between novelty and time, we're also seeing so much so quickly. And one would think that since we are constantly seeing new things online, you know, when you scroll, like, you literally could see somebody who's in Paris, somebody who's just hiked, climbed Mount Everest, like somebody who's just had a baby and somebody who's, you could literally find a video of somebody in every single corner of the world. Why, if this is novel, is this not making time feel like it's slowing down, right? Because that's what we explored before. Novel experiences make time go slower.
Starting point is 00:29:42 if all we're getting is like insane levels of novelty from our phone, why is that not happening? Well, the answer to this question also has something to do with what we talked about earlier, which is memory. Memory is so critical here. In order for a memory to be made, any memory in your brain, anybody's brain, your mind needs to process that it happened in the first place. Very simple, right? But that's critical for consolidation. Something needs to feel distinct, and it has to feel like it happened for us to remember. it. When the span of a novel event is being fit into spaces of seconds or less, you know, the time it takes to scroll between two or three videos on TikTok, your brain just has a hard time deciphering
Starting point is 00:30:24 between one thing and the next. There is actually too much going on. There is too much being pumped into your brain for your mind to actually find out or figure out or see what is worth consolidating. And so it processes it all as one big event. When you're on your phone, that's one big kind of almost nothing event because there wasn't enough distinctness for your brain to devote a whole memory to it. The other thing that Constance scrolling does is it makes it harder to consolidate memories that happen before and after you've been on your screen. Now this specifically is a phenomenon called proactive interference and it's when experiences outside of a memory interfere with that memory being processed.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I know that sounds a bit complicated, but with the short form content specifically, your brain feels so overhyped and so stimulated so quickly, it is like we are so in on this, whatever just happened, we don't have time to solidify that. We don't have time to recognize that that was real life.
Starting point is 00:31:29 And then whatever happens afterwards, we're so overwhelmed by what we just saw and all this stuff that we can't consolidate anything that happens afterwards. for a couple of minutes either. So all this time around these experience around your screen time is erased. You know, whilst our bodies naturally are going to make less memories as we age, research is showing that because of our phones, that's happening in a much faster rate, the digital factor is the biggest factor in what is speeding up your sense of time.
Starting point is 00:31:56 There was a study conducted in Munich literally last month that concluded heavy digital media use can produce the same type of time compression in people in their 20s and 30s that people used to experience in their 60s. Your sense of time is the same as somebody who is 60. And that is so scary to think about because when you are hopefully 60, what happens then? Like what is your perception of time going to be like then? Our life expectancy is also increasing year after year, but does that matter if our experience of time is decreasing? Like, does it really matter? It's almost like we've hit this peak and now we're going back. I think that's a question that's much bigger than psychology, so we're not going to answer it on
Starting point is 00:32:44 this episode, but if you want to avoid that happening to you, we can talk about that. And I'm going to give you a little bit of a guide as to what exactly we're going to do to kind of pause this process and to get time and us back on the same level so that we can have, you know, important memories so that we can feel like our time here is filled with good stuff and is distinct and is something that we have control over. The obvious and the predictable answer as well, I will admit, is to just simply control digital media use or eliminate it altogether. Get off our phones. You know, if these pockets of lost or wasted time are freed up by taking us away from our screens, we can put that time to better use. We can have more novel
Starting point is 00:33:27 experiences in the real world. That sounds very straightforward. That sounds very uncomplicated. It's definitely easier said than done. Many aspects of digital media, we know this, are designed to hook people. They are designed to keep them on a very short attention span leash. And your level of willpower has very little say in the matter. Many digital media developers, you know, build their platforms with the help of neuroscientists, psychologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, they designed them to be inherently appealing despite your self-control. And now that we're all hooked, taking a step back means exiting a world where everybody else resides, meaning that you are going to have to pay a large social cost for your choice.
Starting point is 00:34:11 And that's a really hard decision to make. I've done so many episodes on this, so many episodes on how to control your digital media usage. We just did one on R.R.O. Phones Killing Intimacy. We did one earlier this year on how to rebuild your attention span that talks about it a lot. So I'm just, I'm not going to go really, really deep into it. But I think the overall strategy for you right now, if your screen time is high, if you're realizing it's changing your perception of time, is really to just do three things. And I'm going to say three things, but they contain a lot. The three things, though, are have an awareness of your internal dissonance. Basically, if you want to
Starting point is 00:34:49 control your screen time, notice that you are unhappy about your screen time and notice that you keep doing it anyway. Ignolage the dissonance. Acknowledge, hey, I would actually like to get better here. I want to add time back into my life, but I can't. Why is that? Then you get testing. This is the second point. Testing the alternative reality or the second reality, as we sometimes call it. So trialing out periods where you don't use social media or your phone is left at home while you go out with your friends and really paying attention to if you feel better. Your brain, your brain,
Starting point is 00:35:25 body needs evidence that this alternative is not a threat, there's actually a lot of benefit and joy to not being on your phone as much. And then three, promising yourself slow implementation. You know this works, you know you feel better. Now just try one strategy at a time to curtail your phone use until that one sticks. So whether it's app blockers, whether it's deleting social media at home, whether it's time limits, anything like that, one at a time. I will say one of my friends has this unbelievably effective strategy that I don't think anything can beat, where she gets her friends to set her screen time password for her. And she has made us like square up and down that we will not tell her what it is at all. We said it for her one night when we were like out
Starting point is 00:36:08 and we were out drinking. I don't even think we know what it is. And that way like when she wants like she's not getting through. It's actually she's basically locked herself out of being able to break a promise to herself because she doesn't know the password. She doesn't know it. And there have been times, especially at the beginning where she'd be like, does anybody remember it? Like, please. But at that stage, like when she was begging us and asking us, it's like, well, suddenly she was talking to us. Suddenly she was in back, back to where we were, you know, back in this like social environment, back having experiences with something other than a screen or other than a phone. that's how you kind of, it's such a basic way of describing how to break a screen addiction.
Starting point is 00:36:54 As I said, we have more, much better episodes on it. But the second crucial thing for getting time back in your life and feeling like you have more time to live and to do things is that novelty principle and that novelty aspect. We're going to talk about that and so much more because it deserves its whole section of this episode after this short break. Red Bull Dragonberry and Tropicberry Energizers, now at McDonald's. Made with freeze-dried fruit and an electric burst of flavor. The all-new Red Bull Energizers, now at McDonald's. This product may not be right for you. High in caffeine, details of McDonald's.cai at participating Canadian restaurants, excluding Quebec.
Starting point is 00:37:39 When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how I, other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started to
Starting point is 00:38:18 It's screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random. dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by
Starting point is 00:38:54 myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Starting point is 00:39:36 or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast. The weekly That's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed.
Starting point is 00:40:08 From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages, inside compelling characters, and that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Hey, what's up? I'm Tony Gonzalez. And I'm October Gonzalez, but you can call me Toby. We want you to join us on our new podcast, No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez. We get real about marriage, parenthood, sex, divorce, and all the nitty-gritty stuff we all think about, but just don't say out loud. I hate that job. You're probably just going to meet with some rich guy, and he's going to whisk you away, and I'll never see you again. Wow. Well, this is awkward.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Would you say a D-less actor? D? I don't even know. There's such thing as D. No, no, no. I mean, like... Can't even get on the C-list? Like, I'm not even an average.
Starting point is 00:41:12 I'm not even passing. I'm failing. Listen to No Safe Words with October and Tony Gonzalez, part of My Culture, Podcast, network, available on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. If you want time to feel slower and more expansive, you've just got to give your mind some fresh experiences to hold on to. You need to think about all the ways that you can introduce novelty back into your life. And now, this doesn't need to be trying out new hobbies every single week or doing massive things like I'm going to go on an overseas holiday once every three months.
Starting point is 00:41:49 All you need to do is just microdose novelty more regularly. If you drink coffee, you can do this. Literally switch up your flavor every month, switch up your brand every month. Take the other route to work that you always avoid because it's five more minutes. Try and find more creative routes to work every single day. Try not to get lunch or dinner at the same place twice and literally just do more stuff. I know it's really hard. I know we're pretty tired all the time. I personally just really want to be at home as well. Constantly, I'm tired. But you will have time for that when there's literally nothing else you can do. You know what will help you more than anything else to do this is your friends, I will say. Firstly, yes, definitely acknowledging like at some point I'm not going to be
Starting point is 00:42:38 able to do anything else other than rest, so I may as well get out. But the most invaluable tip for getting more out of life is just being around people whose natural inclination is just to do things. My natural set point is to be a home body. But the moment I made friends with people who bought tickets to stuff, who wanted to go out on Thursday night, who wanted to do like the weird art class or out of the house every day, like my life got so much bigger thanks to them. And I know. that's because of this very critical psychological principle that is known as behavioral contagion. When people we know or people we admire do things, we unconsciously feel the need to do similar things. This is positive peer pressure and being around people who are already doing stuff
Starting point is 00:43:25 is the easiest way to kind of make it come about. There's a very famous idea that we are the average of the five closest people that we surround ourselves with. Very famous. I feel like there's been books written about this, there's been academic articles written about this. And although the idea first came from somebody who wasn't in the psychology space, he was actually an entrepreneur, and he kind of mainly talked about this in like a business networking sense, the science does still support it from a lifestyle, from a psychology sense, a psychology perspective, you are the five closest people that you surround yourself with. So if you want time to slow down and you want time to expand around you, be around people
Starting point is 00:44:04 who are going to make that happen. Be around people who are going to give you more experiences the way you've given them more experiences. Cultivate connections. Go to things even when you just really, really would rather not. Like I said, there will come a time when you wish that you had the social freedom and the energy and the physical ability to do what you could do right now.
Starting point is 00:44:24 So just take advantage of it. You know, in our 20s, you may not have heaps of money to create novelty, but you do have heaps of time. And, you know, you have more time than you ever will. right at this point to explore and to be around your friends and to deepen relationships and to just do crazy shit, this is when you need to be doing it. Basically, newness in your life doesn't have to be self-generated. That's just what I'm trying to say. It can be collective. It can be borrowed. And that is honestly one of the most underrated ways that you can speed up your rate of memory
Starting point is 00:44:54 making without really having to force yourself to do anything and therefore slow down your perception of time so that it feels like you have lived more life in your years than it seems. I think the final thing that expands our sense of time, especially from a memory perspective, which we know is critical, is just ensuring that you are documenting your life in some way beyond the screen. I've spoken about this before, but when I was younger, I was obsessed. I was obsessed with this idea of storing my memories and not letting anything slip me by. And I was very worried I was going to get Alzheimer's and I would keep these massive photo albums and these diaries. and these scrapbooks. And I used to do this thing called the one second a day diary. Hands up if you also did this. But for five years straight, I recorded one second of my day every single day. I was so obsessive about it. I think I started in high school. I went all the way up to my third year of uni.
Starting point is 00:45:54 And I look back at that and I'm like, I am so grateful I did that. I now have my own documentary of my life that I made from that time. And I went back and watched it when I was like thinking about. this episode and you really don't realize how young you really were, but also how much time you have until you see the past in this romantic sense. And until you see all these moments captured that in the moment you just didn't have time to appreciate. And now that they are history, they just feel so much more full and so much more important. You know, when I watch those back, I think about time differently. I see how much of it I have had and how much of it I will have and how much good stuff has happened to me and it's such a gift from my past self. I'm so grateful that she did that. I don't think I knew
Starting point is 00:46:40 how important it was going to be. I think maybe I had some idea. I think it was more of a neurotic compulsion. But I realize now the importance of documenting your life in whatever way is easiest for you. And I found that the times in my life that go by the fastest is when I'm not doing that. So a journal, a junk scrapbook, a picture a day, a video a day, a podcast, it all grounds you. Very seriously, it grounds you. And it grounds you in a way that Instagram stories or Instagram posts, I just don't think can't. I don't think they bring the same joy as creating something offline that you have documented just for you that has no social validation component, that isn't reliant on a platform being up and isn't reliant on, you know, something working beyond you to
Starting point is 00:47:25 have. Like, Atomic bomb goes off. You'll still have your photo albums. And I think that that's valuable in itself, and it helps you prolong a sense of time in your life. I just think time flies when we lose our appreciation for it. And that's why in our 20s in particular, things do reach this point where they really start to feel like they're speeding up. You know, when we were young, everything felt special, everything felt new, and now things feel very routine and old. There is still so much that's going to happen to you, and there's so much to see and so much to experience, You just have to prioritize it. It's a lot easier said than done considering busy schedules and considering money and considering
Starting point is 00:48:09 practicality. But even just a day or an afternoon in your week where you promise to make something special and novel and do something important for yourself is going to elongate your week, which is going to elongate your years, which is going to elongate your life. And I think I want to end this episode with one final thought that I have quite a lot. And I don't even know if this is relevant or helpful. So apologies if it's not, but this might get dark. But any time I feel like time is running out for me in my 20s,
Starting point is 00:48:41 I picture the thousands of people who have died at the exact age I am right now. You know, there is somebody who died at 26 years and 74 days old. And tomorrow, God willing, I get to live to be 26 and 75 days. What they wouldn't give for that extra day. what a privilege. And it makes me really, really grateful for any time I get. And it puts all those other smaller problems into perspective. It's very hard to be productive and to want to work or do things that you don't think are important when you remember that the day you're having right now was somebody's last day on earth. And maybe that's the antidote for time flying. Like it's gratitude.
Starting point is 00:49:22 Gratitude is the antidote. Gratitude for what you have and the fact that you still get to wake up and experience new things every single day. And what a blessing that is is the antidote to feeling like you are running out of time. Okay, I'm going to stop rambling here. And I'm going to give you the quick summary about episode before this turns into more of a philosophy podcast. Then it already is. We're going to turn it back into a psychology one. Basically, this experience that you are having right now of time getting faster is really normal with age. It's super normal. It comes down to a reduction and novel experiences. It comes down to how our brain processes the passing of time. It comes down to the role of memory. But it's also being exacerbated by our technology usage. If you want to add
Starting point is 00:50:09 more years back into your life, put down your phone and live. Go and do stuff. Go camping with your friends. Really challenge yourself to try new things, try new foods, see people, go to events, buy tickets to stuff, document what feels important. When you do that, time is going to feel less restrictive. It's going to feel more expansive. And that's the best advice I have for you. So I really do hope that you enjoyed this episode. I also hope it wasn't too existential.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Apologies if it was. If you want to watch more full episodes like this, you can do so on Netflix. And if you want the transcript versions of this very episode, direct to your inbox so you can read whilst you listen or you want to know where we get the studies from, you can subscribe to us on Substack, where I also share more research papers and academic science stuff in our study of the week series. It's such a fun place to be. I'm really enjoying it. I feel like I'm posting more there than anywhere else at the moment. So please go and follow us. I also want to say a huge thank you to our summer intern, Paola, who pitched this episode to me, who helped with the research.
Starting point is 00:51:16 she spent all summer with us in London on an internship from Brown and she was just such a delight. She was amazing. So, Paola, if you are listening, if you're watching, we miss you already and we are so, so proud of you and we hope that you have the most successful, wonderful life and thank you for contributing to this episode. Until next time, be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself. We really hope you enjoyed and we will talk very, very soon. new podcast Solita. We share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours
Starting point is 00:51:55 for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinero and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or or wherever you get your podcasts. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.
Starting point is 00:52:31 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the I Heart Radio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to serve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the IHeart Radio. app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer, chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Adria Health Institute in New York City. I'll be talking to top researchers and clinicians and bringing vital information about midlife women's health directly to you. A hundred percent of women go through menopause. Even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it? Listen to Decoding Women's Health with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer on the I-Heart Radio app,
Starting point is 00:53:51 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. What up? This Jay Valentine, co-host of the R&B Money Podcasts alongside my brother, R&B legend, Tank. Together, we've built a space for artists, executives, and fans of R&B music to reminisce and tell the real stories behind the music. I have no money. I was hood famous. They think you're going to get everybody out. We lived in a project.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Real love came out. They're hearing the music, and we had nothing. From Smokey Robinson to Mary J. Blige, B2K to Jill Scott. If you're a super dedicated R&B fan, this is where you belong. Listen to R&B money from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.

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