The Psychology of your 20s - 5 ways to reinvent yourself in your 20s (rerun)

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

If nothing else, our 20s are a time for reinvention and transformation. We become clearer and clearer about the version of us we want to be, and hopefully more confident around expressing our authentic elves, but sometimes this is interrupted by periods of boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort. These are all signs that something in our lives needs to change, and it needs to change now. In today's episode we break down five ways to reinvent yourself during your 20s, including:  Theory of opposites Visualisation and choosing the 'theme' for your next era The timeline for change  The power of risk + microrisks  Changing 'what if' thinking into 'what else' or 'so what?' + more  Listen now when you're ready for transformation. PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/general-clean Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [e-mail]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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the hard way on the IHard radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier,

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Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 is big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it.

With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode.

Today's episode, though, you may have already noticed, is a rerun. So over the next two weeks, I am putting out some of my best episodes from the last four years of almost, non-stop podcasting as I just take some time away to launch my debut book, Person in Progress, A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your 20s. Do not fret, I will be back on the 29th of April, but I just wanted to give my book a little bit of extra love these next two weeks because it's a big deal and I'm not going to talk about it too much. I'm sure you're just here to listen to the podcast and probably sick of me talking about it,

but I just want to say thank you. I want to say a huge thank you for allowing me to write this book. book and put it out in the world. This is only possible because of you all, because of you guys, the listeners. That's it. That's the only reason I'm able to do this. And I wanted to be an author since I was five, 20 years later. You guys made that happen for me.

So just thank you. Thank you so much. I would obviously love it if you could pre-order it, buy it, gift it to a friend. But you've already done so much. And I just feel honored to have had this opportunity. most of all I'm just really pumped for you guys to read it. I hope that you learn something. I'm sure if you love the podcast, you will love person in progress as well, but it's a really exciting time. And the main feeling I have right now is one of gratitude. So thank you so much. Without further ado,

I hope you enjoy this rerun of one of my favorite all-time episodes. Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. It is so great to have you here back for another episode, as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s. If nothing else, our 20s are this kind of beautiful time of transformation and reinvention that is a universal truth, a universal statement for me, that each of us, no matter what we're

going through, what we're struggling with, what we do or don't achieve, we will have to rediscover time and time again who we are. and we also have to rediscover how far off that is from who we want to be, probably hundreds of times during this period of emerging adulthood. We spend so much of childhood and also our teenage years being the person that others want us to be or rebelling against this version entirely to carve out what we think is our own space. And I think our 20s is when we start to find balance and we really get the chance to do that all over again. and independently, and we approach self-discovery with a new maturity and a new sense of truth,

things about us become a lot more clear. And what we're likely to experience is a bit of a metamorphosis and a shedding of the old into the new. This is definitely a rite of passage, and sometimes it's deeply uncomfortable. But when you get to the point of not really enjoying your life, not liking who you are, not knowing what you stand for, what your dreams are, who you even want to be. You are really, I think, called to a place of reinvention. And that is what I want to talk about today. How can we reinvent and rediscover ourselves in our 20s when things start to

feel stagnant or off or we start to feel a sense of disconnection between who we are right now and who we really want to be. How do we kind of shake things up? How do we find our path? How do we have that refresh where we fall back in love with our lives through our old actions? Well, we are going to talk through five tips that you can work through either step by step or you can kind of choose one or the other for reinvention during this decade. This includes some methods. for visualizing your next chapter and how to use psychology to really motivate yourself to get there. How to use psychology to motivate a sense of confidence. Also how we can use that discomfort, use the boredom, the isolation, the stagnation, the uncertainty in our favor, rather than fighting against it.

How can we actually take all of those things that are making us crave reinvention and help us get there? rather than kind of, I don't know, burden us. We are also going to discuss the power of risk and this construct called the timeline for change and how to shift from very anxious, what if thinking, to a what else or so what mentality, which is honestly one of my favorite ways to think about this.

One of my favorite ideas in this space is that switch, that mental and cognitive switch, from seeing things in a disaster scenario lens or from a disaster scenario lens to an abundant lens from an abundant position of excess and authenticity and growth. I've got to say this is one of my favorite episodes that I've done as of recent because it just combines all my favorite nuggets of advice and theories into one package. And truly it really represents so much of my philosophy towards this. period in our lives. You know, our 20s are for exploration. They are for reinvention, rebuilding,

transformation more so than any other time. So I really want us to be able to unlock that for ourselves, even if it's through small steps, even if it's not as drastic as you're picturing. Also, I guess whenever I get the opportunity to talk about risk and our approach to uncertainty, that is like a favorite topic of mine because it's something that I deeply, deeply think is important that we stop seeing risk is scary and we start seeing risk as investment. It really falls into this overall concept and topic of reinvention. So I am very excited to talk about this. I'm enthused. I'm invigorated. So I think without further ado, let us get into the five ways that we can reinvent ourselves. in our 20s.

Reinventing yourself, changing your life, I think it really has to begin with identifying what it is about your current circumstances, your day-to-day, your habits, that are dissatisfying to you. What is the main feeling that you have towards your life at the moment

that is giving you this itch to change things up, that is making you restless? There are a few big ones that I think are specifically noteworthy. in our 20s. The first one is boredom, boredom feeling like not much is happening in your life. Nothing exciting is happening. Nothing is changing. You're not changing. The things that really elevate our day-to-day experiences like adventure, like excitement, like spontaneity. It's just not

there. It's this sense of just like plainness. Bordom is the first one. Then we have stagnation. And this is very similar to boredom, but it's more so centered on a sense. that you've kind of become complacent in some domain of your life, even if you're still doing fun things. This is particularly to do with our careers or to do with some larger goal, finding that, you know, you're really not working towards something the way that you anticipated that you would be or the way that you have in the past, feeling very stuck. Then we have isolation, lacking connection, lacking community, feeling lonely and maybe with that, you know, some phomo that you're out on the experiences that others seem to be having during this time. And then the final

feeling that I think also makes us quite itchy for change is just a general discomfort, a feeling that's probably very similar to anxiety, that something about your life just isn't quite right. You don't seem to fit in your current circumstances anymore. You know, you have these habits, these friends, these situations that your body is very instinctually telling you, this is a is not what we want. We're not comfortable here. We're not happy here. And often it does that through heightened sensitivity, being very nervous, repetitive thoughts that are again and again bringing you back to some issue that you're having, a sense of detachment between who you know you can be and who you are now. So these feelings, boredom, stagnation, isolation and discomfort, they tell us something

very useful, even though it's unpleasant. And what they're telling us is that we need to change, we need to shift, we need to be doing something different, and hopefully sooner rather than later. The reason that I say sooner rather than later is because if you don't do something, not instantly, but pretty soon, the alternative is that we begin to get quite comfortable with the discomfort. it. We get comfortable with being bored, with being lonely, with being stuck, and we think that that's normal. In psychology, this process is actually called habituation. And it refers to our tendency to get more and more used to something that used to frustrate us or bother us as time goes on. You know, I think about, so I, for example, I actually live under like a plane line, what's it

called like a flight path, right? And when I first moved into this house, like the sound of planes going overhead was so, would just bother me so much. It was all I could think about. But the longer that I've lived here, I don't even notice it anymore. Like, I'm sure that about five planes have probably flown over the skies above my house in the time that I've been recording this, but I've become habituated. And that is the same thing that happens when we get comfortable with something that we should not be comfortable with. You should not be comfortable with being born in your life or being isolated or being, you know, stagnant.

And we have a really small window to stop that habituation from happening and to act. Otherwise, it does get harder and harder. It's like breaking a bad habit. What we want to explore is what life would look like if we flipped those emotional states to be the complete opposite. So when we felt bored, we made a commitment to pursue excitement. When we felt stagnant, we made a commitment to pursue growth, to pursue connection over isolation, to pursue peace and boundaries over discomfort.

So what I want from you is to really, to begin with, notice what is driving you to want to reinvent or refresh your life and then make a plan for the next 30 days to do all the things that feel the exact opposite to that initial feeling. We're going to really shake up your life whilst you're still feeling motivated by the discomfort. For example, if you are just feeling so bored with your life right now, I want you to make a list in your notes up or on a sheet of paper to put on your fridge of a series of activities that you've always wanted to do in your city or your town that you haven't. And I want you to be committed to doing one every two days, every three days,

or if there is a class, a hobby you've always wanted to pursue, sign up for a six-week course that you have to go to week after a week, get a new gym membership, just do something different. Novel experiences quite literally give the impression of creating more time in our lives. And there's a 2016 study around this that has become quite well known that found that the older we get, time does seem to actually pass quicker. not because it's actually going any faster, but because we are learning less. We are exposed to fewer new things.

We become more accustomed to what we already know. But what actually creates the mental experience of more time is novelty and newness. And that is what we need to reintroduce to kind of pull us out of the path towards indifference and monotony. So put the excitement back in your life because that is a choice for you. You know, that is something that you can change on your own to reinvent how you feel about your circumstances. The same goes for if you're feeling stagnant, you know, identify what area that's in and make yourself a list of a series of things that you know would help you break out of that. If it's work related, which I find it often is or career related, I want you to change your routine. I want you to spend 30 minutes a day applying for new jobs instead of scrolling.

I want you to be networking. I want you to be, you know, reaching out to people that you admire online, shooting off those emails, so that when you go to bed, you have a sense that you've done something. You know, sign up for the networking event. Contemplate what you could do next. I think reinvention is all about movement and picking the direction you want to go in and actually pursuing it. Once you've kind of tested sliding the dial to your boredom, your stagnation, whatever it is in the opposite direction, it's time to really begin to visualize your next era and who this new version of you will be,

but also how this new version of you will act. You know, in your wildest fantasies, your greatest, largest dreams, who is your authentic self? Who is the character staring back at you? If you still are unsure about who that is, how to even visualize this version of yourself, I have some questions to really help you bring elements. of this person forward. So what are some of the dreams that you've had for as long as you can remember that you've always put off?

What truly excites you? What could you talk about for hours? In five years time, what would your ideal but average day in your life look like? And how is that different from now? What chapter of your life are you ready to close and what is holding you back from closing that chapter? Or what is holding you back from putting everything. behind the truest version of yourself. Your answers to these questions should really begin to

direct you to what this next era of your life is going to bring. You know, if you were to look back, I think, and if we were to look back at past versions, you know, past parts of our life story, you start to really see in hindsight these strange lines or periods that are carved into your memories. You begin to notice that life isn't one long sequence. of events and I guess it is but actually it's a series of seasons and a series of periods within which you've had different goals, maybe different friends, different ambitions, different, you know, sense of style, maybe you've even lived in a different place, your routine was different. We each have these different errors or chapters of our lives

that represent who we were and what we were going through at that time. And this next error for you is going to be one of authenticity. It's going to be one where you're going to channel all of those deeply rooted dreams and values and goals and actually just spend the next six months to a year prioritizing them. That is how you're going to bring yourself into this next chapter and reinvent yourself. We can be in the business of deciding when a new season begins for us, regardless of what is happening externally. And that really starts with being able to see, feel, touch, hear, experience what this new era represents for you before it even emerges.

And you've already done that in a way. By focusing on those questions that we were talking about before, you do already have an idea. But then you have to get it out of your mind into some physical form, either through action or through something like visualization. So some ways that people do this is through like vision boards, you know, spending an afternoon, really putting to page. or a poster, what this next chapter looks like for you, you know, with pictures of destinations that you'll visit and accomplishments and the nature that you'll see, the mornings that you'll have, the hobbies that will relax you. You need to have an idea of what you're actually aiming for here. And visualization is extremely psychologically powerful. There was a recent study that said

about a quarter of successful entrepreneurs use vision boards or a similar process to map out change for themselves. And there was a 2019 study that also suggests that vision boards, as much as we sometimes think that they're silly, actually no, they almost double an individual's level of confidence in their ability to effectively execute actions necessary to achieve a desired outcome. And it really promotes people to seek out supportive resources. And it keeps this vision of who they want to be, who they're working towards very squarely in the front of their mind. Because life is full of distractions. There are lots of things pulling us this way, that way.

You know, you're busy. You know, there's people's expectations. There's money to worry about. There's, you know, relationships to worry about. But this method really squarely says, very deeply says, no, this is what we're working towards right now. This is who we want to be. another way to do this if visualization and you know mood boards vision boards sorry aren't really your

favorite method it's to identify a theme for your new error that you really want to embody and that you will use to charge motivate direct everything that you're doing in this new season as in you know when it's time to make a decision or you have a hard choice ahead of you I want you to have that one theme, that one word that decisively chooses for you. Let me explain this a little bit more. So with this new error, your theme could be discipline. It could be reinvention, rebirth, passion, creativity, authenticity, exploration, intuition, focus, courage.

I want you to choose one of those or one of your own, a theme that is going to sit at the core of everything you aim to do for the next six months. Let me use the theme of reinvention here to explain why this works. You know, it's very appropriate for this episode. But to embody reinvention, that really means doing things differently, right? Making space for what's new, making space for things that you haven't tried before. Maybe because you're scared, you're embarrassed, you're held back by the judgments of others. But you're going to do it anyways.

You are stepping into this new era. You're reinventing yourself. So if someone invites you to a party that you'd normally not go to and you're kind of uming and a-ring about whether you want to go, you have an easy solution here. What decision would best align with that theme, reinvention? The decision that best aligns is to go to the party. That is your directive. If you're, you know, back and forthing over living the house in, I don't know, an outfit that you probably never wear and you're like, maybe I should take this off.

I don't really know, well, you have to be guided by reinvention above all else. Everything is coming back to this theme for the next six months. It is a very simple, you know, compass for you, a decision-making tool that's like, okay, if I'm faced with two choices, the one that best aligns with my theme is the one that I have to do, is the one that I need to pursue. This is just such a powerful, I think, mental trick. because sometimes we like set out to reinvent our lives and like you know you kind of try and do a whole overhaul and you want to change everything right now at once and eventually like this version of you that

you're actually aiming for gets a little bit lost in all the chaos when you simplify it when you bring it back to one theme and one theme only you are just better able to truly focus and not get caught up in the clutter and not get caught up in the chaos that transformation often brings. Moving beyond this method, let's now turn to some longer-term activities for refreshing, recharging your life in your 20s, specifically to do with goal setting. Now, I'm going to say something that might be controversial, that might be unexpected. But goal setting to me is one of the most boring things to talk about in the world. And that might surprise you, but I really struggle.

to be around people who have a million goals for every single thing in their life. Because it just feels so intense and disciplined to me. And my natural inclination is and was to really feel my way through things and to like go with my gut rather than having like a two year, five year plan. You know, I could work very hard at things for a long period of time. But, you know, I wasn't really into resetting goals every six months and planning out where I wanted to be and doing distinct, things to make that happen. I have slowly begun to retire that philosophy that, you know, I think I

was misguided. I thought that goal setting had to be really intensive. Um, when actually, no, it doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't have to make you an ultra disciplined person. Actually, it's really about change, right? And, you know, as we always say, nothing changes if you don't. And in a similar vein, nothing changes if you can't imagine them changing. And that is really what goal setting is all about. Saying to yourself, this could be different. This part of my life, my routine, my lifestyle, my job could be different and I could be happier.

And I'm going to trust myself and I'm going to believe that I am capable of doing that, of bringing about that change. I think instead of having one big goal that is miles away, I was recently introduced to this concept called the timeline for change. And the timeline for change is another way of conceptualizing your goals or setting up benchmarks that is a bit less intensive and more daily and broken down into these small pieces. You have a one year goal, a six month goal, a monthly goal, and a daily goal, or what we would typically call a micro habit, the thing that you do each day that hopefully builds to the big win at the end.

You can really then apply this like timeline for change to whatever area you desire, whatever area needs reinvention needs a refresh. It could be career, friendship, health, finance is a creative passion. Think about, you know, transforming your health, for example. You know, perhaps your timeline for change would be to every day walk for 30 minutes and then your one-month goal would be to go to the gym twice a week. Your six-month goal is to run a 5K and by one year to have a gym routine and be able to run 10K. I think fitness-related goals slot very easily into the timeline for change. But you can kind of see how this method really

allows you to combine both momentum and sustainable habit building with that long-term planning. You know, because your goals are sitting along a journey. They're sitting along a timeline. rather than just consisting of a start line, an ambitious, big dream, and a finish line, a sense of what is going to be like when you get there, and, you know, nothing in between. And I think that is exactly why most New Year's resolutions often fail. You know, there was a poll done by the University of Ohio that showed 23% of people will quit their New Year's resolutions by the end of January 7th and almost 50% by the second week, because we underestimate how much progress we're going to make.

So we think too big and we lack the positive reinforcement along the way because we're only thinking about the beginning and the end. And B, to enact those significant and immediate changes, you know, psychologically and physically speaking, it's very, very difficult. It's very difficult to just come in all guns blazing and change everything about your life. You need to build that foundation through consistency,

not through new peaks with random, you know, dashes of effort. So to summarize, our third tip, give yourself the necessary space for reinvention by making things actionable, by making things realistic and really implementing a sustainable timeline for change that you are both excited about, but is also very, very doable. Okay, my lovely listeners, we are going to take a short break, but when we're back, I want to discuss some more of, you know, more of our spontaneous, rebellious, maybe refreshing paths for change, a more energetic, you know, perspective on reinvention. We have a lot more to talk about. So please stay with us.

2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress.

Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out, on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO percent on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember when Diana Ross double-tap Little Kim's boobs at the VMAs? Or when Kanye said that George Bush didn't like black people. I know what you're thinking. What the hell does George Bush got to do a little Kim?

Well, you can find out on the Look Back at a podcast. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex Ingram. Each episode, we pick it here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. Including a recent episode with Mark Lamont Hill waxing all about crack in the 80s. To be clear, 84 is big to me, not just because of crack. I'm down to talk about crack on day, but just so y'all know. I mean, at this point, Mark, this is the second episode where we've discussed crack.

So I'm starting to see that there's a through line. We also have AIDS on the table right now. Thank you finishing that sentence. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Really? Yeah. For me, it's one of the most important years for black people in American history. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to my new podcast, Learn the Hard Way with me, your host, and your favorite therapist, Kear Games. And in recognition of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'm bringing over a decade of my own experience in the mental health field and conversations with so many incredible guests. I'm talking. Trip Fontaine, Ryan Clark. Sometimes when we're in the pursuit of the thing, we get so wrapped up in the chase that we don't realize that we are in possession of the thing. And we're still chasing it. And we don't know when we've done enough. Because people scoreboard watch.

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Join me, Kear Gaines, as we have real conversations about healing, growth, fatherhood, pressure, and purpose on my new podcast, learn the hard way. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search, learn the hard way and listen now. In 2023,

former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in someone, correct? I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case.

I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian, Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap.

Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. At some stage, you are going to have to do something that really scares you or that that you didn't think was possible if you want to grow into your next phase. Long-term goal setting, having a planning phase, visualizing, articulating what you want,

labeling this new error for yourself is so wonderful. You know, by that stage, you really, you can't go wrong. But one of the easiest ways to almost guarantee transformation and to speed up your reinvention, your realignment is to take risks, big or small. risk in my mind is like the fast forward button there's less accuracy about where you're going to end up right like you're skipping through a movie you want to get to the action quicker but it means that you really propel yourself even faster into this new error there is not a single person that you admire that you respect you idolize whether that is professionally or personally that has gotten to where they are without being a little bit

daunted and unsure of whether they made the right decision. You know, actually for me, if you're questioning whether you've made the right decision, you are exactly in the place you need to be because those are the decisions that really contribute to growth. Easy decisions feel great because they don't require you to really question anything fundamental about yourself. But hard decisions, risks, that is where you really have to look in the mirror and question, what do I actually want from my life? A lot of people don't do that. Another way I think about it is

how when we build muscle at the gym or when we're working out, what is actually happening are these micro tears. You know, things are ripping, space is being made, it's painful, but then those holes get filled with new mass and we grow. It's a strange analogy I know, but it's how I think about risk, you know, a small tears that are sometimes sore, that are sometimes unconsored, that are sometimes comfortable. I don't really know what you're doing. You don't really know what you're doing, but it needs to happen in order to bring about strength. And psychologically, risk is scary naturally, right? Because anything that's unfamiliar will cause our brain to have quite a natural hesitancy because it is hesitant towards the unknown. But just because your mind says something

is scary doesn't necessarily mean it should be avoided. Actually, it might mean that, you might mean, the opposite. If you're going to do one thing to reinvent yourself during this decade, it's to take a risk that you've always wanted to, but never imagine that you could. And I'm going to give you like a rapid fire list as to why I believe this truly and deeply, and I want you to seriously try and rebut my reasons with the reasons why you shouldn't. Number one, you will never have as few responsibilities as you do now. Number two, you are the the youngest that you will ever be, probably with the least to lose. You will never have more time than you have right now.

I also think that risks are an investment. They are not a cost. They will benefit your life and your foundations way more than the risks that you don't take and way more than playing it safe. And finally, in a very similar vein, you are more likely to live with regret over the risks you didn't take, over the ones that you did. And if you want some anecdotal primary evidence of this,

ask your parents or your grandparents next time you see them what their biggest regrets are. And I would say 80% of the time your parents are going to say, oh, you know, the time I didn't travel, the time I was too scared to do that thing that I should have, the time that I didn't tell that person I loved them, the time that I said no to an opportunity that I really actually should have taken

because of imposter syndrome. Regret often feeds off inaction rather than action. Here's the thing. Reinventing yourself through risk doesn't have to be dramatic. Some of us get really paralyzed by this idea that to move forward, we have to do something we are deeply uncertain of. And normally this is the case if you're quite risk-averse, right? So in psychology and economics even,

there are these different profiles of the types of people in their perspective on risk. There are risk positive people, people who will put it all on the line very frequently without really considering the costs. There are risk neutral people, people who are very practical, almost mathematical about the costs and benefits of a risk. And then there are risk-averse individuals. Those of us whose minds just naturally exaggerate the consequences and the costs of the risk over the benefits to the point where the risk actually seems entirely ridiculous. You know, we are convinced that we should, always play it safe. And if that is you, if the idea of moving to a new country knowing

no one, quitting your job without anything lined up, if that is really, really scary, what I want you to adopt is this idea of micro risks, things that you can slowly incorporate to almost increase your tolerance for the uncertainty that comes along with these decisions. You can go on solo dates. You can go on micro adventures on. the weekend solo. You don't have to travel across the world. You can book an Airbnb for the weekend in the mountains near a national park somewhere like an hour or two away and just enjoy a new part of the world alone. My cousin Stella actually, she was just messaging me about her solo camping trip that she's been on for the last two to three days. Literally she's only like an hour or two

from her home but she's just having the most amazing time and she's doing something that she may not normally do and it's just completely expanded her perspective on her life like in the span of two days just getting out of an old environment and into a new one these are small but mighty choices some more examples you know share your passion your art your hobbies your lifestyle online to a private audience ask new people to go for coffee be spontaneous do something different this weekend that's not your usual sunday reset start putting $20 a week a side purely for a dream fund, just take, you know, those first steps without worrying about them being perfect. And that might not sound like a risky thing to do for some people, but I think anything

that goes against the habits, the systems, the routines that you have in place to keep you secure and safe that you are using as a crutch, anything that's like that, that is a risk. That is a risk that you are taking to go against what your natural, deeply ingrained. intuition is telling you to do. What I want you to remember is that you are in charge here of creating a reality you love, creating a version of yourself that you love even more. Sometimes that's going to take courage. The path to reinvention, I think, involves risk and it involves a little bit of fear. So my fifth and my final tip for you today is to stop asking yourself, what if and instead replace that with what else or my favorite so what each of us again has an idea

of our truest selves the person that we would be if no one else was watching if this magical switch was turned that suddenly met that you were free from others opinions if the only person we were focused on was ourselves we all had this idea of who we would be in that situation they're almost a fantasy they're a character you know that we've created that we one day aspire to be, but we're not really, not really focused on that right now. Now, the things that are really maintaining that gap between who we are now and who we would really love to be is normally our fear of judgment, our fear of upsetting others and their expectations, our fear of embarrassment of being perceived, that's a huge one, and our fear of change.

These fears are all maintained by these what-if disaster scenarios. If I start putting myself out there, if I start being loud about my hobbies, about my desires, if I start wearing what I want, if I start staying no to people, if I let myself be perceived as my truest authentic self, what if no one likes this version of me? What if I'm ostracized? What if I tell someone about my dreams and I fail? What if people don't like this reinvented version of me? I lose all my friends and I end up alone.

You know, what if, what if? Not only are most of these very social fears, meaning that we are being guided, more so by the potential opinions of others, rather than the reality that we are the only one who has to experience and enjoy our lives, but they are also just anxious thoughts. They are not predictions.

They most likely not come true. If you've listened to our most recent, episode on anxiety, you'll know that the easiest way to distinguish between an anxious thought and a thought that you should pay attention to is if those thoughts begin with a what if. Here's how we counteract that. We counteract it with what else or so what statements. So let's take this statement. What if I tell everyone about my dreams and I fail?

You know, I'll be so embarrassed. I better play it safe. that's one way of thinking and it is a naturally limited way of thinking but consider now ending that statement with so what okay maybe i'll be embarrassed so what is the worst case scenario i'm embarrassed it's uncomfortable so what so people might not like me so what and then again keep going keep going with the so what's until you get to the final conclusion of your fear and you realize that actually there is not much harm that embarrassment can really do. This method is about taking an anxious, fear-based thought and actually interrogating it,

because so often we're too scared to even think about our anxious thoughts that we just let them get away with lying to us. But when we say, so what? Our anxiety kind of is like, oh, well, you've never questioned me before, so I don't really know. I don't really know what's going to happen. And that's when I think we see things more clearly. we see things for what they really are, which is not as big in reality as they are in our minds.

The other option is to say, well, what else? What if people don't like this new version of me? Okay, that's one unlikely option, but what else? Let's expand that disaster scenario and go in search of some other alternatives. You know, what if I actually attract people who are really aligned with who I truly am? what if I suddenly meet the greatest friends I'll ever have? What if I suddenly attract a love that I deserve? What if I completely level up every aspect of my life and I never look back?

What if I am the happiest I have ever been? What else? Remember, the first thought that you have is probably not the most accurate. And you can grab onto that thought. You can let it control you. You can let it dominate your choices, but you also have this extreme power and ability to be whoever you want to be if you just zoom out and question your fear, replacing that what if with what else or so what? During this, you know, brief time that we have on earth, you deserve

at the bare minimum to actually be yourself. Sometimes we do find ourselves in a loop of not knowing who we are, not liking who we are either, not liking our lives because of boredom, stagnation, you know, isolation. The longer you spend as this version of you, you will become quite used to the discomfort. And you will no longer feel like you have to outgrow that shell. You will just keep squeezing yourself back in, hiding away. And it becomes a lot easier to tolerate. I don't want that for you. To be honest, I don't want that for anyone.

I don't want anyone to be 80 and think, what if I'd just done it a little bit bigger? What if I just had one six-month period of reinvention? Because you have no idea what that could do for your life. You have no idea, you know, how much growth and new experiences you could have in six months. How many weeks is that? Oh my God, I've got to do quick maths, like 24 weeks. I could be completely wrong. Please correct me.

24 weeks, right? Yeah, you could just be a completely new person. That's 24 weeks of time for you to reinvent, transform, invest in yourself. This is an investment. I really want you to take your dream seriously, take responsibility for your happiness, take responsibility for evolving into the most authentic version of yourself, even if that requires a bit of a painful metamorphosis. So I really hope that you got something from this episode. I hope that you got something from this episode. I hope that you can take on board this advice. You know, you can cherry pick it as you wish. If some things you already do, some things you don't, whatever you need, take what you need.

That's what we always say at the end of these episodes. And feel free to send it to someone else who you think might benefit, who you think might enjoy what we've been talking about. As always, five-star reviews are also appreciated, as is a follow either on Spotify or Apple podcasts or on Instagram at That Psychology Podcast. if you enjoyed this episode or you have a future episode that you would like to suggest anything to do with psychology, self-help, wellness in our 20s, mental health in our 20s, I would love to hear from you. A final tidbit, we do have an event, a friendship event in Melbourne coming up on the 10th of

October. I thought I would sneak that in here. So if you are a Melbourne-based listener and you want to make some like-minded friends, you want to meet me. I think we have a few tickets left on a... Event Bright. You can go to our Instagram and there will be a link in our bio. I'm really excited to meet you guys. So let me know if I'm going to see you there. If you'll be there, we'll be doing heaps of other events in Sydney, Brisbane, in Perth, I believe, and then also in the UK and

later next year in the US. So cannot wait to meet you all. Until next time, stay safe, stay kind. Please be gentle with yourselves. You deserve a gentle life and gentle thoughts. And we will talk very, very soon. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with.

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