The Psychology of your 20s - 53. The power of microhabits

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

BONUS EPISODE. This week we discuss the power of micro habits and how we can integrate them into our everyday lives to create the lifestyle changes we are after in our 20’s.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down,

and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all?

You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor it? It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen and learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.

You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Ellen's, correct? I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through. the same thing. Greg, a lesbian, Michael Ranjini. My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hello and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our 20s. and what they mean for our psychology. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast for another episode. Another bonus episode, I should say, welcome.

If you are listening to this right now, you are one of my top listeners. You're one of my paid subscribers. I just want to say a huge thank you. I've got you all in one place, all right here. So I just want to say thank you so much for you know, wanting to listen to the sound of my voice multiple times a week. It is, I don't know, a weird feeling, but I'm so, so grateful that you care about this podcast, you care about this show, and you care about what we're trying to do, which is apply psychology, something that can often

seem really inaccessible and distant to every area of our life, every area of our life in our 20s, and hopefully learn something new every week about what we're experiencing, what we go through, and how that interacts with our mental well-being and the psychological processes that underpin it. So I just want to say a huge thank you to all of you who are listening to this episode right now. You guys chose the topic this week as well. We're talking about micro habits. I gave you guys two options on my Instagram. So if you don't follow me there, that's normally where I make the decision about what I want to record this week.

And I gave you two options, either a bonus guest episode. or an episode on microhabits. And here we are, you chose right. I'm very excited to be recording this today. And the research was so fascinating. Some of the studies, some of the things that I found out, I was like, this is crazy. Like, I'm learning so much. I also just want to say we hit a huge milestone this week, which was one million listeners.

And I honestly still can't, like, fathom that. Like, I genuinely am so, like, honestly. baffled, a bit confused, a bit overwhelmed, to be honest, that there are so many people listening to this show. Like, I started this as like a side project as like a hobby, just to kind of verbalize the things that I was going through and to be able to have an outlet for the research I was doing and the things that I love to talk about with my wonderful friends. Shout out to them, if they're listening, you guys are amazing. And suddenly it has an audience. So it's been really unexpected and I'm so grateful. I think the other thing I've been really worried about is that as this show

grows, it might become less authentic. That's something that's really been on my mind. What I want to be able to do is continue posting the things that I really want to talk about and that I hope other people want to hear about, not just things that I feel pressure I need to speak on or following trends. I don't know. I just don't want to lose that authenticity. And I think that's why a lot of people listen to this because I don't know I'm someone in my 20s I'm dealing with this stuff as we all are so I don't know some of my fears and anxieties for the for the people who listen to the bonus episodes so take away whatever you want from that but once again thank you for listening let's get into what we're talking about today micro habits it is such a fascinating

fascinating topic. They've become, like the term microhabits has become quite a trendy saying or a trendy term or concept in wellness communities recently. And I think for mostly really, really good reasons. So what they are is they are these small, simple actions that you're able to take every day or integrate into your life really easily that help you achieve big results. They're basically just small habits, micro habits. Sometimes when we think about, you know, big overhauls of our entire lifestyle, it can seem really overwhelming. But we can use micro habits, which are just small actions that we can change day to day to transform, I think, any area, any facet of our lives that we might not be entirely satisfied with by starting really small, by starting from the ground up. and keeping, you know, the end goal in sight,

but making it easier for us to get there and to ease into those changes and those transformations and to ensure that the changes we want to make to our lives are sustainable. You know, there's no point putting a lot of effort into something, putting all your eggs in one basket, dedicating yourself entirely to some goal, if you're going to give up after one month because you're mentally and physically exhausted.

But micro habits are really, I think, sneaky, amazing way around that, and there's so much fascinating psychology around them. When we set ourselves big and ambitious and sometimes ambiguous goals, like, I don't know, I want to eat healthier or to be more active or fix my anxiety, make new friends, it can be super overwhelming to A, try and stick to it, B, figure out how we're going to achieve that goal through concrete steps, you know, saying something like, I want to make new friends. It's such a scary and daunting goal. Like, how do we actually get there? And I think it's really hard to know when your goal has been achieved. How do you know when you're no longer anxious? How do you know when you're healthier? Like,

yes, you'll feel it, but how exactly did you get there? If the goal is this big, huge thing that you want and you're pining after and you get there and, you know, how? How do you know, how? How do you know that you could do it again? How can you maintain those lifestyle changes? I think big goals are always going to be really hard to achieve, hence that's saying, you know, if it was easy, everyone would do it. The reason is that they offer require major lifestyle overhaul and changes to our daily habits, which we've become rather attached to. But what if you could achieve those exact same goals by just doing something small every day? That sounds, you know, kind of amazing.

and that's the idea behind micro habits. You are still able to make those big changes, but by making a series of small ones instead. Tasks that are so small and so, you know, convenient that you don't even, you know, notice them half the time and you don't really have an excuse not to do them. And when you keep these small habits up and when you keep these promises to yourself, not only are you able to see progress and reach your goal sustainably, whilst also ensuring that your healthy habits stick,

but you also gain confidence over time. You know, I think when we set out to achieve big goals and we're really pushing so hard in those first few weeks and those first few months, when we fail or we have a small setback, it can be really easy to see all that progress, to sense that that progress has been undone or to feel a sense of failure.

But micro habits allow us to achieve those goals over time and sustainable. so that we're allowed to have small setbacks as long as we keep up these small habits. So let's talk about some examples. When I was doing this research, and just from my general overall view of how the term micro habits is used, they're often applied to fitness and weight loss and diet culture and physical health, which, of course, I appreciate and I think it's so important that people want to take care of themselves in whatever capacity that might be.

But I kind of want to discuss them in other areas of our lives because I think that although a lot of the time people, especially in our 20s, are really worried about how we look and whether we're active and whether we're physically healthy, sometimes it's not the only focus. And I kind of don't like to talk about that too much on my show. I think it can contribute and easily become a discussion about things that actually are unhealthy and aren't for the best for ourselves.

So let's talk about some other areas. For example, if you want to start a podcast, what is a micro habit that can build that? I get people asking me all the time, like, I want to start a podcast. And my first answer is always like, yes, absolutely, you should do it. There is room for everyone. And, you know, you definitely have something to share. And the second question is, and the second kind of statement is always like, how do I do it? A micro habit could be, I don't know, write 300, like write down one idea every day for what you want to talk about on your show or record just one episode a week, even if you only do five minutes each day.

That's a really achievable goal. You know, writing something down in your notes at once a day, some idea that you've had for content or for an episode, it's not going to take too much from you. It's not going to take too much effort and it's really doable. another one that I hear a lot from my friends is spending less time on social media what's the simple micro habit you can do for that you know put your like make a promise to yourself i can go on my phone as much as i want throughout the day but i'm going to put it down at 10 p.m or between the hours of you know every 30 minutes i have to turn my phone off you know for the rest of that half hour into the next until the next hour, just so you have those small breaks or, okay, I want to slowly decrease the

amount of pickups I have. I don't know. If you have an iPhone, you can see how many times you pick up and you open a social media app like Instagram or TikTok. Say that's like 50 times a day. Be like, okay, by tomorrow I want it to be 49 and then maybe 48 and 47 next week, not even like on a day to day, just trying to think about small things you can do, small goals you can set. Getting over heartbreak, that's a massive topic we talk about on the show because,

you know, I think we all've been through that in our 20s and it's often really fucking brutal. How do we, you know, make sure that, how can we apply micro habits to heartbreak? What about just checking their messages less, being like, okay, my only, the only thing I need to do today is to only check to see if they've messaged me once or twice. I can't check it compulsively throughout the day, but I'm still allowed to because I still want to know. Or if you're getting over heartbreak, setting a goal of like, okay, well, I'm going to listen to one song I really, really love and just have like a wild dance, manic singing moment just once a day to make myself feel better.

Another way that it's, I think micro habits are often applied is productivity and creativity. As we enter into full-time work or we're struggling with uni and we have, you know, jobs, and things to do and bills to pay and relationships to maintain and, I don't know, cleaning, I don't know, whatever you're doing with your life. We're all pretty busy. And sometimes the first thing to go is the things that really fuel our soul, our creative passions and our hobbies. So maybe one of your micro habits, if you're someone who's realizing that they're a little bit disconnected from that creative right side of their brain is to, you know, read just one page of a book each night or simply list five things you're grateful for if you want to get into journaling or,

you know, just only, you only need to spend five minutes a day doing like a meditation or a yoga pose or watching a really interesting video that you can contribute to conversations with. Those don't sound too hard, do they? They sound really doable. Everyone has five minutes in their day to do one small thing that might actually make your life a lot better. And over time, these habits build and become bigger and we're able to challenge ourselves to set a new micro habit that actually feels a lot less significant than if we'd started with that step to begin with. Small blocks can still build really big towers and it's harder to take them apart, harder to take that final structure, that final lifestyle that you're looking for apart if those habits that have contributed to it are really easy to do and are really sustainable. So why are we talking about them today? Why are we talking about them in the context of our 20s? I think personally, in our 20s, we have a responsibility to ourselves to decide what kind of lives we want to have.

It's often, I think, when we begin to recognize unhealthy habits or patterns of thinking that might not be the healthiest, that may have come from our upbringing, may have come from our childhood. If you want to listen to the childhood trauma episode, we talk about this a little bit more about how our perspectives and our ways that we see ourselves and the habits that we form really do begin in our early infancy even. But when we get to adulthood, when we get to our 20s, we might want to improve ourselves for the better. We have the emotional and the mental capacity to recognize

what's not working, to have self-awareness. I feel like many of the people who listen to this show are doing so out of an eagerness to improve themselves, their well-being and their lives or because there's something they're struggling with in their day-to-day lives. Honestly, no matter your circumstances, whatever you're going through right now, implementing these daily micro-habits can actually lead to massive improvements, no matter what area of your life you want to change or improve. One of the micro-habits that I've set myself recently is I found that because I work full-time

and I'm doing this podcast and, you know, I've got to keep up with, you know, my chores and with my friends and trying to be active. The one thing that's kind of fallen off the radar is being physically active and feeling like my body is doing what I want it to do. So I've set this micro habit of like any time I want to go into the office and my office is in the city, I have to walk in. It's a 45 minute walk. It's not that far. It takes like 35 minutes on the office. the train. And that's a really easy habit to implement for me because it's not every day that I have to do it, but it's, and it's really small. It's really doable. And it's really rewarding as well. I think we do often think of physical health when we think of lifestyle change, but it can be so

much more than that. We can use micro habits to reduce anxiety, promote our sleep, be more productive, creative, get over a bad breakup, make more connections. Their beauty is in their simplicity. But also, their universality. They're so easy to integrate into our lives and into really any area of our lives. So let's talk about why they work. I'm really hyping these up today, making them sound like some kind of universal antidote. But there's a reason why micro habits are a lot easier to implement. And I know it sounds intuitive, but there's some stronger science backing it as well. basically they limit how often we can apply an all or nothing mindset and consequently the likelihood of failure. So the all or nothing mindset, it's a way of thinking that kind of relies on extremes

and particularly the extreme of either success or failure. You know, you've got this goal in mind and you're either doing everything completely right. You meet your goal instantly. You're sticking with all of your habits, you're doing everything you need to do perfectly all the time, or you don't do that, you make a slip up, you forget to do something and you fail, you can't go forward, that's done. You know, like it's success or failure and there's nothing in between. All or nothing thinking usually leads to really unrealistic standards for yourself and for others, and it's really hard to maintain motivation because we're humans, we're going to make mistakes, life gets in the way of implementing healthy habits. And this type of thinking, it's known as a

cognitive distortion, which essentially is an exaggerated pattern of thought and of thinking that derails our progress and can lead us to viewing things in a way that's false to how they truly are. You know, say that one of your goals is like, oh, I want to use social media less and you're being really strict. You're like only an hour a day and that's that. And then. then one day you go over an hour to hour and five minutes and like, well, I've ruined it. I've ruined it. Like, this shows that I don't have self-discipline and I can't meet my goal. And this all-or-nothing distortion is exactly what we're talking about in this instance.

If we engage too frequently in this style of thinking, particularly when we're trying to achieve a goal, it can be really difficult to forgive our failures, to make progress, or feel satisfied and ensure that the goal is sustainable because we're always going to make mistakes. We are, you know, forgetful creatures. We are funny creatures. We're messy creatures. But micro habits, they're able to interrupt that extreme way of thinking, that feedback loop of success or failure. We're able to not only have smaller successes, but teach ourselves that our energy does not need to be 100 million percent committed and tied to one.

one goal with no slip-ups allowed. They allow us to break things down into smaller bite-sized pieces, which we know are easier for our brains to digest, and they're easier to implement because they require less challenge and less change, and we're more likely to be successful. So the other reason they work is to do with dopamine. I know we talk about dopamine so often on this show, like, all the time, but it's because it's so crucial to so many of our behaviors and our actions and our daily lives. It's like, it is one of the most important neurotransmitters we have in our artillery. Often, the habits we see is being unhealthy. I'm going to use the TikTok example again,

like scrolling TikTok for hours, TikTok don't assume me, because I'm defaming you or whatever, but, you know, scrolling TikTok for hours before bed or sleeping in or eating food that makes us feel bad, these habits actually bring us some form of dopamine, like we get a dopamine hit or we feel comfortable. So when we attempt to interrupt those habits and overhaul our lives, not only do we prevent activities that our brain actually relies on for dopamine, the chemical that motivates us and creates pleasant feelings and stability, but we also alter our mental comfort space. And that's kind of the area, that's like the things that make our brain feel safe and often routine habits, even if they cause long-term damage, do make us feel safe.

And often that causes us to withdraw back into our old habits quicker when we are challenged with other possibly, you know, uncomfortable situations in the external world. I think we see this so often. People set out with big goals, for example, to quit. drinking or stop smoking like cold turkey. But those habits bring comfort and dopamine and serotonin. So as soon as something else challenges us and we no longer have that, you know, that stability that's created by that habit, we're likely to fall straight back into them, you know. But if we say instead of like, I'm going to completely quit drinking and then, you know, you go through a breakup or,

you know, you get a parking fine or you have a shit day at work and suddenly, you know, you're back on it. What if we instead said, you know, I'm going to drink one less drink than I normally would on a night out, or I'm only going to drink drinks with lower levels of alcohol, or only drink one to two days a week. We give our brains time to adapt to these new habits, which makes them easier and our goals more sustainable while still giving ourselves the comfort that something we enjoy might provide. So how do we implement these? How do we implement micro habits?

I think often when we have a big goal, we are not particularly patient and we want to reach it right now. We're like, okay, I've decided I want to be fit and healthy. So I want to be able to run a marathon in like five days. And that's so sexy and like fast results are exciting and we want them right now, especially in, you know, the modern world where we can get things that we want so easily. But trust me, doing small, boring things. gets the job done much more sustainably and much more reliably because of all of those reasons that we've talked about you know it doesn't leave us completely devoid of the dopamine attached our old

habits they prevent us from having that all or nothing thinking they're easier to implement into our lives they cause less disruption but i think that it's important to also have a sense of balance here and not go overboard with the micro habits you know what i mean because then essentially essentially you're doing exactly what you would have done if you'd done that all or nothing thinking and were completely committed to a goal. It's probably best to not have more than three to five. You know, your three might be, I'm going to drink one extra glass of water a day. I'm going to wake up 30 minutes earlier and I'm going to read one page of a book at night. So simple. But if you're like, I'm going to read one page of a book at night, I'm going to eat an extra serve of vegetables and I'm going to

wake up at 7.30 instead of at 8. And I'm also going to call one friend every single day. And I'm also going to do 100 million things. Firstly, that just sounds really hard to keep track of. But also, you know, yeah, you're not going to be able to keep up. And it's going to become really mentally exhausting. And you're probably going to have more failures and successes. So try and make it easier for yourself. And just choose three to five, five, like five even is probably a few, too many. But maybe just three, that target things you really want to change in your life. And I think once you start implementing those little practices every single day, those series of small wins and those confidence boosters that you give yourself

allows you to build momentum and allows you to sustainably get to the goal that you ultimately want at the end of the day. It might take a little bit longer. You're still going to get there. You have time. And when you do get there, it's going to be sustainable. Thank you so much for listening. This was such a fun episode. It was a shorter one, but I was like, this is so fascinating to me. And I think such an important ritual and idea to implement into our lives, especially in our 20s when we're trying to construct the lifestyle that we want to lead and we're trying to, you know, fix things that may have gone wrong in childhood and fix unhealthy habits that we might have. So I really hope that if this is something you're considering, You give it a go. You try it out and see what happens.

You know, you really don't have anything to lose. And they're so easy. You know, my God, I sound like this is some, like, micro habits. There's like a brand that's like sponsoring me. I swear, it's like, I just think it's a great idea. And hopefully you do too. Before we wrap up, I do just want to say a huge thank you again for subscribing for bonus content. You really allow me to do what I love.

and that is such a huge privilege. Like it's crazy. So I want to thank you so much. And I hope that you continue to support the show and you continue to love the content that we're putting out. Well, I don't know why I say we. It's only me. And if you have any feedback, if you have any suggestions for episodes, shoot me a message on Instagram.

I love hearing from you. And hopefully I can do them. And yeah, let me know what you think of the show. leave it a five-star rating on Spotify if you get the chance and if you feel cool to do so. And thank you again for listening. I will see you in our main episode for this week, which is why rejection stings. Thank you so much. Have a lovely, lovely day.

On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84's big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a here, unpack what went down and try to make sense of how we survived it. with our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s.

It was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're, you're having him with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing.

How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Owens, correct?

I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Gillespie and Michael Ranjini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police.

As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.