The Psychology of your 20s - 55. Dealing with rejection

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Rejection can be such a blow to our self-esteem, whether it’s romantic, with friends, at work or during our studies. Rejection can be a painful experience, but psychology can explain many of the reasons why we look to avoid rejection and how we can overcome experiences of rejection, especially in our 20’s. Thank you to todays sponsor Athletic Greens. Please use the following link for a FREE one year supply for immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs at www.athleticgreens.com/JemmaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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you get your podcast hello and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology hello everybody welcome back to the show welcome back to the podcast it's so great to have you here thank you for tuning in for a new episode of the psychology of your 20s. If you're a new listener, if you're an old listener, it is great to have you here. Today, we are talking about a topic that you, you the listeners, actually chose on my Instagram, one that I am really, really interested in at the moment. Often the topics that I find the most fascinating and I enjoy researching the most of those that are really like kind of personally

relevant to me as someone in my 20s. So I hope that you enjoy this as well. But today, we're going talk about that sharp sting of rejection, something I think we are all inevitably going to experience in our 20s. I imagine for many of you, you're thinking about a particular experience right now. And often when we think about rejection, it's to do with romantic love and intimate relationships. Perhaps there is a time in your life where you've been rejected by a potential love interest. You know, you've been turned down after you took a leap of faith and asked someone out. or maybe it's rejection from a long-term partner. Often rejection in social situations is going to be the most painful.

And that's not just what people we're dating or that we're interested in, but friends as well. Feeling left out and socially rejected or like you're not wanted around, that can leave some pretty deep, pretty painful wounds for many reasons. I'm sure you can think back to a time that you have experienced. experience rejection and very vividly relate to that sense of hopelessness, that pain, that dejection, and maybe it's comforting to you to know there is a science behind that. There is psychology behind why we feel this way, and we're going to discuss it here today. We as humans, we really do crave connection with every fiber of our being. It's so crucial to our mental

health, our physical, spiritual, social health and happiness, but also our sense of belonging, our sense of social security. So when we're denied that opportunity, it can be especially painful because instinctually, we see social rejection in particular as a threat to our survival and the availability of community, the availability of support. We're going to talk about many of these situations and a lot more today. I also believe the experience of rejection has a really close relationship to our self-esteem and social acceptance theory, things that are really crucial in this formative decade of our lives. So learning how to navigate this inevitable experience is really crucial during this time, especially when we kind of cast our minds forward and think about

the long-term harm that continuous rejection and unaddressed rejection can have on our mindset, can have on our attitudes as well. But also our willingness to pursue. pursue opportunities with work and our careers and areas as broad as, you know, the confidence to travel, to be independent and trust our judgment. Trusting our judgment, that is going to come up quite a bit in this episode. And it can be the undoing of so many important elements of our growth and our well-being. So although we're definitely going to talk about why rejection can be painful, why it can be harmful. We're also going to take a strengths-based approach, as we always do, because this show is

about growth and vulnerability and agency. And I really, I really am truly of the firm, firm belief that rejection is really just redirection. It truly is. And there are so many ways to strengthen our mindset towards rejection, to no longer see it as a setback, but as an opportunity a new beginning. I often think about. this time in my final year of uni when I was rejected from this job that I really, really wanted. And at the time it stung, it was really painful. My self-confidence kind of plummeted. I was left with all of this self-doubt.

You know, this is what I'd been working towards. I think about the partners and the people I've pursued that I've really liked that have ended with rejection. And it hurt. It really hurt. But, oh, my gosh, was it such a blessing? such a blessing that those things did not work out. I'm so grateful now for that rejection, even if at the time it was painful, because I never would have arrived here right now,

you know, speaking to you. So strap in, get ready to hopefully learn something and explore the internal and also the external world of rejection in our 20s. So I think a really important place to begin is exploring some of the typical situations and events in which we typically and sometimes experience rejection and what kind of impact this can have on us and why we feel it so deeply. Often it's the things that are most important to us, our relationships, our community, our work, our dreams and future, where we're going to feel that sting of rejection, the most acutely, the most sharply. And this makes sense, right? You know, the bigger the investment, the greater the reliance on this area, I guess,

for happiness, the heart of the fall, the greater the loss, the greater the hurt. And a lot of those aspects that we just mentioned are so crucial in our 20s, especially as we're establishing independent lives, the lives that we want for ourselves. I remember when I was in high school, I was thinking about the unies that I wanted to attend

and, you know, how I could, afford to support myself in Australia. It's not that common actually for people to move out of their hometowns or their cities to go to uni. It's really expensive. It's not something that people typically do, but I really wanted to do it. And I found this amazing scholarship at my dream uni, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it, essentially. I placed a lot of my self-worth in being able to obtain this achievement. And I think we can all imagine. and how this story ends. I didn't get it and I felt rejected. Like, I didn't belong in this group of people or even at this uni. And maybe you've experienced something similar when

applying for colleges and university and you feel that this rejection of not getting in reflects pulling on you. It's something you need to fix, something that you're lacking. But often, I think it just means you're not in the right place for you and it's not destiny. Maybe they've overlooked something about you or not understood how truly wonderful you are. Maybe it's also something beyond your control. I think that is particularly the case when it comes to jobs. Often we apply for jobs, we don't get them and we're like, well, I wasn't a good candidate because they didn't like me.

I wasn't personable enough. I don't have enough achievements. But it might just be that they want someone who can work certain hours or who has some knowledge of some like niche Excel equation and you will find your place eventually. And with romantic partners, I think that is a whole other ballgame, a whole other game in itself, especially since intimate relationships and dating can require and do require so much vulnerability, both with the other person, but also with ourselves, allowing yourself to be open to the possibility of love and acceptance, preparing yourself for

that, and then being rejected can leave a really sour taste in our mouth and be quite profoundly wounding. Often it's not to do with you. I'm going to say that really clearly. It's not to do with you, but then. But our brains don't always deal well with that ambiguity and want an explanation for things. So often we look for something that can explain an unexpected experience like this. And that's when we might start to think there's something wrong with us, that we did something wrong, we were awkward or they didn't find us attractive or funny or intelligent enough. And what comes from this can be these really self-limiting and harmful beliefs about ourselves. Like I said, the greater the investment and expectation, the greater the value we place on something

particularly love, the more rejection is likely to sting. And I'll be honest with you, I've had experiences like this quite a few times. And often at the end of it, I would convince myself that if I was skinny, or I liked their hobbies more or their friends liked me if I was more athletic than they would want to be with me. But honestly, I think at the end of the day, we want someone to like us for who we are. It reminds, like I always think about this lyric by this Australian band called ballpark music and this line that kind of really comforts me, which is, I love you exactly as you are.

And I know it sounds sappy. I know it sounds really weird. But listen to that song. experiencing romantic rejection because that's what it should feel like when someone really likes you for who you are. But no matter how many times we repeat that sentiment, no matter how many times we feel like we are worthy and we know our worth, rejection across any domain of our life, not just the ones I've talked about, is going to hurt. So let's talk about why, especially some of the science. So rejection and physical pain,

use the same pathways in our brain. I know that sounds really bizarre, but think about a time when, you know, maybe you haven't been invited to something or you felt left out. Like, it physically can hurt. Like you feel this, like pain in your chest, your brain feels all fuzzy.

So this group of scientists did these fMRI studies that basically tracks, which, yeah, basically where our brains are using oxygen and that's kind of correlated to what neural pathways were using at the time. and they used this technology to show that the same areas of our brain that become activated when we stab our toe or when we cut our finger or experiencing any kind of physical pain, those pathways are also activated by rejection,

which means they're going to activate a similar feeling within us. And that's why it hurts. That's why it physically hurts because there's a neurological backing to that experience. Our brain relates the pain of rejection, with physical pain and respond so similarly. It's also, I think some of that, that negative experience, that discomfort that comes particularly with social rejection, it destabilizes this fundamental need to belong

and this need to have community. It is so fundamental, no matter how much you try and convince yourself that you're happy alone, you're independent, you don't need anyone, you're hardwired to need people. You're hardwired to need community. So the disconnection that is experienced when we experience rejection, it destabilizes that need, that craving, that like fundamental desire. And that's why we feel emotional pain.

And this has really deep links to social acceptance theory as well. So social acceptance, basically it is the degree to which our behaviour is perceived by others to be acceptable and the degree to which we are kind of brought into the group, the degree to which we are brought into social interactions and are able to have a group relationship. And there's so many barriers to this, you know, especially prejudice and stigma and racism. But we will do anything. We really will do anything to, you know, to complete and fulfill that desire of acceptance and approval, particularly from, peers and particularly from people whose social acceptance we really want and often those are people who don't give it freely those are the people who we have to work for social acceptance because we see it as more valuable and we can find that we do things that we don't want to do or because we're trying to fulfill this need to be part of a community to belong to be accepted there's many ways

around this and I know it can feel particularly awful, especially if these are people you really like, or you don't really feel like you belong anywhere. But reconnecting with those who do love us, reaching out to members of a group that already accept us, maybe that's family, maybe that's friends, people we share our values with who know us, can kind of help to soothe that pain of rejection, especially from a group that perhaps we don't want to, you know, maybe probably don't want to be a part of if they don't like you for who you are. There's a deeper science to this as well. So we've talked about social acceptance. We've talked about rejection, destabilizing our need to belong. But when we think about rejection in a romantic context, especially, it used to serve

a pretty vital function in the past back when we were, you know, hunters and gatherers and, you know, running around trying to find a meal, it was important to have other people. around you to support your survival, right? Like the more people you're associated with, if you have a partner, the more protection you have, the more food you're able to gather, there's like a caregiving role there. So when you weren't accepted by the group, especially when you felt rejected by a potential romantic interest or a sexual interest, which would allow the group to build itself, that was basically the same as a death sentence. If you were pushed away from the group, then you were out on your own.

own and it's very, you know, pretty low chances of survival there. I think we're surrounded by a lot of technology now and we don't really feel like where those same kind of like cave people back in the day, but our brains are still the same, particularly the center of our brain, which is like the midbrain, that like the old brain is what they call it. So when we, you know, used to be these creatures hunting, hunting and gathering and whatnot, um, our brains develop. to be able to sense the alert and alert us to potential rejection or ostracism because it was important for us to adapt to that situation and not experience rejection. So now, because that function in our brain is still very much there,

it's still very much active, it hasn't gone anywhere. When we experience rejection that's probably not going to lead us to death is probably not going to lead us to be completely shunned, our brain still wants us to react to that. And the way that it gets us to react to that is by using, those pain receptors in our brain to almost shock us, to get our attention by mimicking physical harm. And the people who developed this when they, you know, back in the olden times, they had an evolutionary advantage because they were able to correct their behavior when they sensed rejection

because of those kind of pain, that pain that we experience. And they were more likely to be integrated back into the group, more likely to be accepted by a partner. And that kind of explains why even now there is an evolutionary reaction to any experience of rejection and also why we remember rejection so well. When we think about perhaps a time when I don't know we were dating someone or like kind of started seeing someone and like after like a couple of months they're like yeah, no, this isn't for me. I'm sure we've all had that experience and like when you think about it, I'm sure you can feel that sting in your body. You can feel it somewhere and I'm not asking you. you to relive a traumatic experience, but it is something that's important to understand,

because that is exactly what this evolutionary feeling is trying to mimic. Our brain wants us to prioritize experiences of rejection because it's a threat. It used to be a threat. And that's often why when we experience severe rejection, be that in your dating life, in your social life, professional or life, we can often experience a bit of a mental plunge. And that's often accompanied by a lapse in self-confidence and self-worth as our brains and minds try and incorporate that experience, try and learn from it. And in some ways, this unconscious kind of response to rejection is useful. And it used to be useful when we wanted an opportunity to correct our behavior and remain in the in-group. but I think nowadays it can also be quite harmful and create, you know, a lot of self-doubt

because if we hold on to that experience for longer than required, it can also lead to future hesitancy towards opportunities and, you know, perhaps wonderful experiences if we're so worried about things going wrong, or we're so worried that we're going to be pushed out, we're going to experience that painful rejection, no matter how optimistic we may be, no matter how much we bounce back, our brain still wants us to be prepared for the worst. And there's a term for this, especially for people who've experienced repeated rejections and now feel like pretty intense hesitancy towards new experiences. It's called learnt helplessness.

And it's a reaction from repeated rejection. So these psychologists, they discovered using dogs that If these dogs were tied up while they were, you know, given electric shocks and made to feel pain and weren't able to escape, even after the collar or the chain had been removed and they could have easily ran away, they still continued to suffer through that pain. So learned helplessness, that kind of refers to this condition that we have as humans where if we've learnt that we're going to experience rejection no matter what, you know, we've had so many times where we've dated someone for a person. a few months and then it's ended, we basically begin to view our actions as completely ineffective. We have no effect on what actually occurs or what actually happens. So eventually we just stop trying. We stop trying to avoid those harmful experiences and we tend to believe that that's normal,

that that is something that is unavoidable and we may as well just get used to it. I think after facing rejection, we often feel that our actions had no impact. They didn't produce the desired effect. And as a result, we lose hope in situations and it can really kind of get us down. This is often stronger for people with rejection sensitivity disorder or dysphoria. So, you know, I think everyone who is rejected from something, be that a job, maybe your family, your friends, by a partner, by a university, a college, whatever it may be. It's going to hurt. like we've explained this like instinctually and evolutionarily our brains are going to respond to that but

there are some people who experience this much more intensely and it actually leads to them being fearful of rejection so much so that they avoid situations out of fear of rejection individuals with this high rejection sensitivity that's what it's called they kind of constantly look for signs and look for like early indicators that they're going to be rejected. They have a greater physical response to those feelings, including intense anxiety and intense discomfort. And there's been heaps of explanations as to why there are some people who are better at managing rejection and some people who really struggle with it. Some of the explanations kind of rest on emotional sensitivity, which isn't a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing,

but it can make us a lot more sensitive to these situations, having an attention bias, to rejection so we don't look at, we don't think about all those times when everything worked out well, when, you know, everyone loved us at that party or a partner accepted us for who we are, we only think about the bad times. And finally, it can often come from people who've experienced some kind of childhood trauma or have some kind of childhood vulnerability, particularly after parental rejection. And this has created almost a fear response in them, this learnt instantaneous response. We talk about this in the overcoming childhood trauma episode if you're interested in learning more about it. So these people, they experience more distress essentially, and it can also lead to harmful people-pleasing

behaviors and sacrificing their own needs, wanting to sacrifice those of others more, and put them in a position of great vulnerability. If we're so scared of rejection, often we kind of cater our behaviors to our audience and we're not able to remain our true selves. I don't know. I think about job interviews where like we try and create a bit of a persona or, you know, meeting new people where we try and pretend we're something we're not because we're kind of fearful that they won't like us. And we care a lot about whether they like us. But it can be really harmful. Yeah, it can be really harmful. So let's explore some of the long-term impacts of rejection. Not only on our, on our brains and our minds, but also on our perspectives, on our well-being, and on our mindsets.

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what are some of the kind of, what's the significance of holding on to rejection for too long, of letting it kind of have more of a say in our lives than we want? Well, rejection, first of all, has massive ties to our self-esteem. I feel like that's quite self-explanatory. We tie our worth often to things of significance, things like our romantic relationships, like our careers, like our friendships. and with that significance comes a lot of our identity and our self-concept. So when we experience a rejection within one of those domains, within one of those fears,

it kind of bleeds into how we see ourselves. And it often sends us on a bit of a mission to kind of undermine ourselves. Often when we are rejected romantically, especially, we've talked about this, but we tend to see it as our fault. Like we are in some way inadequate. There's something wrong with us because we're looking for an explanation. We don't always get that from someone else. We're not always able to call them up and be like,

oh, so why exactly didn't you like me? Can you list like the five top reasons so I can go away and fix them? No, and often it has nothing to do with you, but it's a much easier way of defining the situation by thinking about what's wrong with you rather than what might be wrong with the context. Like perhaps it's just a bad fit. You don't have that chemistry. you've got incompatible lifestyles, you've got different wants.

But blaming ourselves and attacking ourselves is only going to worsen the emotional state we're in and might actually end up leading to some really harmful behaviours and which we're kind of almost punishing or blaming ourselves, which makes it more difficult for us to emotionally recover and kind of move on. Here's a really interesting fact that I found while researching this. rejection also temporarily lowers our IQ. It sounds strange, but after, so being asked to recall a recent experience of rejection and relive that experience, even if it hadn't occurred right in that moment, it actually made people score lower on IQ tests.

So these researchers, they sat people down, they gave them an IQ test, and then they asked them, okay, when was the last time you felt rejected? and they asked them to describe that, to describe how they felt, and then they gave them another IQ test. And they found that people were poorer at short-term memory tests, at decision-making, at being able to respond intelligently after they had recalled that experience because it left them so emotionally drained

and left their brain so frazzled. So reliving that pain of that rejection, it's actually not doing you much good. You might be looking for like something that went wrong or trying to think about what you could have done differently, but it's actually only kind of hurting and harming our problem-solving skills and our ability to move on. I know it's really hard when we talk about these things to be like,

oh, like you're saying all these negative things about how it's terrible, but it's really difficult for me to move on from rejection, or it's really difficult for me to take what you're saying to heart, because as we all know, it's not as easy as this Band-Aid solution, especially because rejection is an unconscious experience. It's not one more the experience of rejection, not so much rejection, but our emotional reaction to it. It's not something we always handle at the front of our brain within our active brain.

It's something that occurs kind of behind the scenes and unconsciously. And even there's situations in which we may not even respect the person or respect the institution that's rejected us, but it still hurts. they might be a total stranger, but because that need to be liked and need to be part of the in-group and be accepted is so strong, we care about it, just that little bit more. They did this a really interesting experiment

where they told this group of participants like, all right, these people are like awful. They've done all these crimes. They've done these awful things. They like belong to hate groups. And they don't like you. And even when we had no respect for the, that group of people, even when they were like awful, we still cared and people still exhibited

an emotional reaction. We've talked about this a bit, but because of that, it has a pretty severe impact on our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth, as we've kind of already explained. And our self-worth is already quite unstable in our 20s. We're trying to establish our identity and new environments and, you know, environments we've never been before, often away from our family, taking a step beyond our comfort zone. And self-worth, it's at the very core of how we see ourselves. So if we experience frequent rejections from partners or people we're interested in or our family, we may come to see ourselves as unlobable or not worthy of love. If we keep getting rejected from jobs, we may see ourselves as not skilled or intelligent enough. Rejected from social groups can leave

us feeling on the outside, not cool enough, you know, looking to link it to some aspect of our identity like our physical appearance or our hobbies or our likes. But I think the important lesson is you don't need to change anything about yourself to feel valid and to feel valued. Although rejection is a normal part of life, it's inevitable. Not everyone's going to like you, not everyone's going to see how brilliant you are. It doesn't mean that rejection has to dominate how we see ourselves. So let's discuss some of the ways that we can bounce back from a painful rejection

rejection experience. There are ways that you can kind of treat the psychological and emotional wounds and scars of rejection. I'm sure we all have an experience from like primary school and when we were like in kindergarten where someone's been like, I don't like you and it sticks with us. It stays in our brains. But we can actually treat that. But to do that, we actually have to understand why it is that that hurt us, what it is that it activates or triggers within us to make us react that way. It's probably something to do with an insecurity that we're dealing with that this experience has kind of agitated in some ways. You know, if you don't see yourself as being conventionally attractive or desirable and someone rejects you, it reconfirms that.

And it also makes it hurt more because you're like, oh, I really don't. already knew this about myself, it shouldn't be this painful. But it also, you know, that scar is already a pretty open one. You know, it's something that can be picked at even more. Or, you know, if we don't get a job, we might, the reason that that might hurt more is because of a deeper psychological wound to, you know, maybe to deal with imposter syndrome or maybe to do with a sense that you're not skilled enough or a sense that you've never been intelligent enough. So, overcoming rejection actually takes time and it takes an investment in identifying what it is that we're vulnerable towards and about, what it is that we're insecure about, that this

experience has kind of leveraged and made worse. But I think one of the greatest things that we as humans have the ability to do is to change our minds and shift our perspectives. So what if we chose to view rejection as a gift rather than as this like painful thing that we need to avoid? It's kind of what cognitive behavioral therapy tries to do. It tries to change how we think about something which in turn changes, how we react to it. So let's kind of do a thought experiment about how we can do this with rejection. Of course, if you've experienced a rejection, there's going to be a period of self-loathing.

And you might take that experience and be like, well, it's something wrong with me and that's that. But you might also see it as an opportunity to understand yourself better, to understand those insecurities we were talking about, to pursue a new opportunity, something that you hadn't even thought of. If we think about it, even in like kind of a mystical way of like this was meant to happen from the universe or like this was supposed to happen, we change our mindset away from being like, this is because I am terrible, this is because I'm not. attractive or I am not skilled or intelligent or lovable and we change it to something else something

of like this is actually has nothing to do with me and everything to do with divine timing everything to do with new opportunities and we're able to take what is like a pretty shitty situation and use it for personal growth use it for improvement use it to change how we view the world and how we view bad things that happen to us so I think some tips some very actionable tips that I would is firstly, give yourself time to feel shit about it. Like, it is the, like, I think when we jump the gun and try and move on, often that's unconscious suppression of the actual experience, which is quite harmful. It's a negative coping mechanism.

We're like, oh, you know, I'm so over it. Who cares? Fuck them, whatever. But it's like, no, that's not you actually having time to validate and experience your feelings. It's you just trying to suppress them. And we know that this is just going to come back and harm us later on. So it's better to give yourself permission to feel the sting, to feel the pain, feel resentment if you have to, you know, be mad at the situation if you have to.

But don't put yourself down in the process. Don't include your self-worth in that equation and limit the time you spend on it. You know, giving yourself time doesn't mean giving yourself endless time to ruminate. and feel really crap and let it become a part of your identity. So think about what's next instead. Romantic rejection. Think about how much time you have with your friends. Academic university rejection.

Hell, you've got a new community. You've got a new learning pathway. Like you didn't get into medical school. Great, you can become a dentist. Or you can go and do something entirely different. You could be a graphic designer. I'm sure you've got very steady hands. Familiar rejection.

That's a huge one. it's about reminding yourself that you can create your own family. It's not just blood. It's not who you were born surrounded by. And reminding ourselves that there is not just one path towards happiness. Remember, like we said at the beginning, rejection is just a redirection. So think about what's next. And think about the opportunities that you maybe wouldn't have had if that thing had gone right.

You know, if you had dated that person, maybe you wouldn't have met your current partner or you wouldn't be able to go on like amazing first dates and see new places in your city or meet new people. Rejection is a redirection. It is a positive thing and if we change our attitudes towards it and we have that mindset shift of turning loss into action and building inner strength and resilience, we're probably going to be stronger people in the long run. So how do we do this? Well, it kind of depends on what type of rejection we've experienced. But often it's about relating back to the core parts of ourselves that we value, reconnecting with your sense of self-worth and reminding yourself of what your strengths are,

make a list, ask your family and friends, like, what am I good at? What do you like about me? What do I love doing? What are the things that make me me? Even if people can't, you know, certain people can't see your worth, it means that you're able to. And I think every person is so incredibly unique and like, oh my God, so special and beautiful and amazing. Someone's going to recognize that about you. And even if they don't,

you're going to be able to. And I say it probably like every third episode, but that relationship you have with yourself is so important. It's more important than whether other people like you. I think building resilience may also be like finding your strengths, building new strengths, working to grow and build pre-existing things you're good at, build them even more. Like if you're someone who's like amazing at something, spend time on that. Make that such an asset about yourself and reach out to people who love and support you. I think that's a really great way to avoid seeking almost the comfort of limiting beliefs or self-blame because they're really easy, right? It's easier to find an explanation within as to why something didn't work out or why

you experienced rejection, then have to kind of think about all the other possibilities. And sometimes there's no easy solution. There's no easy answer. So the easiest solution is to relate it to your personal attributes, which is so harmful. And it can make the experience so much worth. So I think believing in your abilities, believing in your worth and surrounding yourself with people who encourage you and encourage that feeling within you, even if that means, you know, cutting ties with a toxic workplace or cutting ties with a toxic friend, it's going to pay off in the long run. And I know that can be incredibly difficult. But taking the time now, when we're young, to invest in that perspective building is going to be such a great investment for your future.

Because rejection is inevitable. But the emotional and negative emotional reaction in that low self-esteem doesn't have to be if we take the time to see these experiences as being external rather than due to internal personal factors. and you know what i believe in you i believe in your journey i know i've said it so many times in this episode but every single time i have felt rejection and found myself ruminating and stuck in a negative loop i always emerge from it not only like a stronger version of myself but with this incredible realization that sometimes things don't work out because they weren't meant to and there's always another brilliant opportunity around the corner something better for you even if you have to wait for it it's better to wait and be pleasantly surprised and happier with that situation than

kind of settle for something else. You know, maybe that's to do with friends. Like you're feeling like you don't really have a group of friends right now. You're feeling rejected. Instead of trying to make them like you and molding your behaviours to them, just tittle out for a little bit. I'm sure there's people around the corner who you can't force friendships with, but they'll show up and they will love you.

There's more than one path to happiness. set it. There's more than one path to happiness. There are so many solutions and other options for you to explore. There are actions that you can take to better yourself, to better your skills without necessarily, you know, deciding that, you know, that you're terrible and you need to fix something. Like, it's all about a strength-based approach. Like, you already are amazing at this. You're already fantastic. So let's take those skills. Let's take that, you know, amazing personality attribute you have or that lovable attribute and turn it into something even more brilliant. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I really hope you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed

researching it. As someone who has often dealt with rejection and perhaps not always taken it the best way, blamed myself, seen myself as lacking something or deficient in something because of it, it was so enlightening to have like this information. I think that's the thing that I love doing with this show is being able to make those educational and psychological aspects of it so much more accessible so that we can have that kind of psychoeducation and that knowledge of what we're going through. And I promise if you're someone who's experiencing romantic or social rejection right now, it's an opportunity.

It's such an opportunity. There's going to be something much better around the corner. I really do believe it. As always, if you did enjoy this episode, please feel free to leave it a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Podcasts, Samsung Podcasts. I don't know. I don't know where you're listening.

But please feel free to leave it a review. If you feel cool to do so, it really helps the show to grow and to reach new people if you think that they would like to hear this message. And thank you so much for your support recently. I'm like, I'm blown away. I really do know how to say thank you enough. There's so many new people listening to the show.

And I know so many of you, a friend, recommended this to you. So thank you so much. And I'll be back next week with a new episode. Have a lovely week. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%.

I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWA% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick you here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it with our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors.

Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hard Way

with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that's really, not safe to have anywhere, but you're having him with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn the hard way on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.