The Psychology of your 20s - 71. The secret to self confidence

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

This weeks episode we deep dive into the psychology self confidence and how we can master our sense of confidence and self assurance to be the best versions of ourselves. We discuss the elements that make up confidence, the impact of nature versus nurture and the difference between self confidence and arrogance. We also explore some of the evidence-based strategies that we can use to improve our self esteem and why “faking it till you make it” is more than just a saying. Listen now!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn.

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That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWA% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last

target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. So amazing to have you here for another episode. Today, we're talking about something that I think we all naturally struggle with, especially in our 20s. And that is

self-confidence. A very lovely listener of the show actually messaged me about, her own struggles with self-confidence and self-love. So this episode is dedicated to her and her wonderful episode idea. Confidence is such a valuable feeling and a valuable attitude to have, but sometimes it can be really hard to believe in ourselves, to believe in our own abilities and our bodies, our appearance, our value to the world. And I think this is especially the case in our 20s, you know, a decade that is defined by confusion, by uncertainty, massive shifts in how we perceive ourselves. You know, there is this very, I think, widespread romanticization or romanticism about our 20s as, you know, our golden years where we are young and free, we're able to

reinvent ourselves and kind of run wild across the world. But all of those experiences and those expectations, they come hand in hand with a lot of confusion. And at times some pretty massive plunges in our confidence and our self-esteem. And our confidence, it can be altered by so many factors, like comparison to those around us, you know, exploring our identity and sometimes not coming up with the right answers. Maybe your confidence has been damaged by the pressure to have it all figured out. You know, these financial pressures, failure, rejection, social media, the list is really endless and all of these things can take a massive toll on our self-worth as we kind of attempt to navigate this very strange and confusing chapter. But I do honestly think that life is

too short to not be the most confident version of yourself, to not love yourself more than anyone else can in the world, to not completely embrace every part of you, you know, the good, the bad, the ugly, and just be unafraid of what other people may think. And if you are struggling with a lack of confidence, you know, you are not the only one, that is for sure. but also we can change that. We have the power. You know, we all know those people who are able to remain really sure of themselves no matter what,

who can walk into a room and captivate it who are magnetic and self-assured. And you can be that person. And as we'll explore in this episode, confidence is very much derived from our own self-perception and internal ideas of where we fit in the world. And so much of that self-perception is actually within our control. We all want to be confident. You know, the saying goes that confidence is our most attractive feature, but it's also not something that we gain overnight.

So in today's episode, we are going to break down the psychology of building up our self-confidence and our self-love, especially in our 20s, from, you know, the very elements and foundations of confidence to the reasons why we sometimes struggle with loving ourselves. And finally, some of those everyday habits that we can use to improve our self-confidence, there's so much in this episode, so much valuable research, so much valuable psychology. So let's get into it and get to the bottom of how we can be the most confident versions of ourselves. Confidence is a concept I think we all understand or have some idea of, but just to provide a bit

of a refresher, essentially it refers to the feeling or belief that we have in our own self-worth and in our own value. I think that confidence is a highly subjective experience and it relates to different attributes for different people. You know, perhaps when you're listening to me speak about confidence, you're thinking about it as it relates to your appearance or your body or your fashion choices. But it can also relate to things like your intelligence, how confident you are in your opinions, in your work performance, in your life choices.

Your interpretation is really entirely up to you, but also entirely different from someone else's. Essentially self-confidence, it stems from self-esteem, which is an entirely and very personal element of our being. And self-esteem is made up of a number of different factors, like our sense of identity, our sense of belonging, our resilience, the support structures that we have around us and our childhood experiences as well. All of these things, they have an impact on, you know, what exactly we may feel insecure about, our self-esteem, and therefore the level of confidence that we're going to have in our day-to-day lives. Every individual is going to have varying levels of confidence. And, you know, there are some people out there who are, you know,

very naturally confident more than, you know, any other person. And there's a reason behind that. Our level of confidence, they're actually very much directly aligned to this interaction between nature and nurture. I want to kind of go into this a little bit more because I think it is so interesting. But essentially, your confidence comes from both biological and genetic factors like your temperament, but also environmental factors like how you were raised or how your parents treated you or those early childhood experiences. So let's consider two children here to kind of shed some more light on this idea. So one of them from childhood has had a really bubbly and uninhibited temperament.

They have shown themselves to be really curious and inquisitive and very vocal. And they had parents or caregivers who encouraged them, who validated their feelings, validated their opinions, allowed them to take risks and be authentic. And then we have this other person. And as a child, they were naturally very quiet. They preferred to be in their own world and spend time with themselves. And they also had parents who weren't so encouraging,

who didn't give them the space and the security to explore the world and to explore their interests. You know, maybe they spoke down to them and insulted them. these two children are going to become entirely different adults because of that combination of factors, because of that combination of, you know, personality, of their kind of internal biology and their temperament, and also the environment. And, you know, if, for example, that second child's parents had been really encouraging, full of love and compliments and opportunities to learn,

maybe things would have turned out differently, but maybe not. Sometimes our instincts and our temperament really do take over. But that doesn't mean that your destiny is sealed. And we'll discuss this a bit later, but there are so many amazing ways to nurture your own self-worth and your own value without needing external validation or, I guess, allowing others' opinions to really dominate your own opinion of yourself. I think there is also an important distinction between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence is a really attractive quality. It's beautiful because when we display confidence and self-assurance, we demonstrate that we respect ourselves, that we trust our decisions and our worth, but also that we're open to others. We're not afraid of other's opinions. We're willing to take on board what they have to say, because we aren't afraid of criticism or the opportunity to become a better person. I think confidence, the reason it is so attractive and so beautiful,

is because it contains that really healthy balance between self-respect and respect for others. And in contrast, arrogant people, they're normally absolutely blind to the value and the growth that other people can offer them. They're completely firm in their belief that they are always right, that they are the glue that kind of binds the world together, that everyone is constantly admiring them because they have no faults, they never make mistakes. These people are unpleasant to be around because of this inflated sense of self-importance. And if you have an arrogant person in your life, be that, you know, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, you might also notice how difficult it is for them to have a conversation. about anything other than themselves, you know, or their lives, or to have a conversation that isn't completely dominated by their opinion. They're also really uncompromising and stubborn.

Like I said, very unpleasant and very different from someone who has a healthy, balanced level of confidence. And I don't think that is the kind of person we're striving to be, right? We're not striving to be someone who can never take on board other's opinions, who doesn't have enough respect for themselves to realize that other people can say things about them and maybe be wrong, but also maybe be right. You know, we want to be self-assured. We want to display a great deal of trust in ourselves whilst not being overbearing on those around us or unable to take feedback. But even the most confident individuals in our lives, even the most arrogant people in our lives, they're always going to have insecurities.

Much like confidence, I guess, insecurity is also highly subjective. You know, I was having this conversation with my friend the other day about a photo that was taken of her and someone that we knew posted it online and I screenchotted it and I sent it to her being like, you look absolutely gorgeous in this photo

because she really did. She looked amazing. And her response was so interesting. interesting because she absolutely hated it. What we notice and dislike about ourselves is so subjective compared to how other people see us. And aside from our own individual evaluations of our features and our abilities and our characteristics that will ultimately impact on our confidence levels, there are some other events and experiences that I think can be really disruptive and I think can be very much linked to those drops in self-esteem.

The first one is really big life events. And I know that doesn't sound very logical or very much related to self-confidence, but it really is because in those moments where, you know, maybe we've been fired, we've lost a close family member, we've just graduated from uni, these situations force us into new experiences, that we don't really have the skills or the capabilities to cope, with yet. So we're not confident in our experiences. Those periods of uncertainty, those periods of confusion where things are kind of changing all around us, they can really shake our core values

and also shake our self-esteem. Because previously, we kind of knew the lay of the land, right? We knew it was happening, we were comfortable, but when a big wrecking ball kind of comes in and disrupts that, suddenly we don't have that confidence in our own abilities because everything is new. I think also certain relationships that we have are really, really critical and impactful on how we see ourselves. I will always remember this guy I was dating in late 2021 and he always used to make these little comments about the things I did or my podcast or my essays at uni and those little comments, those little things that he said that, you know, weren't a big deal in the moment, they kind of slowly chipped at my confidence. Right now, and in this moment, a few years on,

I can't remember his exact words, but I remember how I felt and how much they distorted my self-image and my self-worth. The things that others say, the relationships that we have, and the attitudes that those people have towards us, the respect that they show us, they're going to be hugely impactful on our confidence. I'm sure for anyone who's listening to this who's had maybe a narcissistic partner or someone who's spoken down to them will relate to that, right?

We care about those people who are closest to us and we care about their opinion. So what they have to say can really hurt. So sometimes it's worth evaluating close relationships and kind of appraising whether the things they say to you make you feel better, make you feel good about yourself or bring you down. Another huge one.

Social media and comparison. I really, do I need to say more? The content that we see online can be so triggering and detrimental to our confidence. You know, people with perfect bodies, perfect lives, perfect skin, perfect jobs, perfect relationships. It's hard to remember that not all of that is real. It's a bit of a facade. It's a highlight real. And I did a whole episode on kind of how we can stop comparing ourselves to others. But the links between social media and self-confidence are endless.

You know, there was research done in Australia, I think a few years back, and it shows that the more time you spend on social media, the more you're going to compare yourself to others. And this social comparison, it's linked to things like lower, self-esteem, poorer confidence levels, and higher social anxiety. So if you're feeling, you know, maybe a bit down at the moment you're unable to tap into that kind of tenacity and that belief in yourself, maybe it's important to reevaluate your relationship with others, but also your relationship with comparison and social media in

particular. And this is really important for what I want to discuss next, because the opinions of others and the comparison that we create with them is without a doubt one of the most influential factors that is going to impact our confidence levels but despite all of these obstacles all of these challenges and environmental factors and barriers we can restore and build our self-confidence that is something that we have agency over something that we are in control of all of that and more in just a second i really want to dive in into how we can build self-confidence, which is essentially the core theme of this episode.

And I want to do this, especially if you're someone who doesn't find that confidence comes naturally to you. I think a massive inhibitor for feeling confident and sure of ourselves, particularly in social situations, is a fear of what others are thinking of us. And I want to talk about how we can change our mindset to kind of discard these fears. The truth is that we place a lot of weight on other people's judgments

because we are pack animals who, evolutionarily, really required the approval of our social groups and our peers to survive. And that instinct remains. And part of that instinct is being very aware of the opinions of others and trying to control them. You know, have you ever tried on an outfit that you, you absolutely loved, and then as soon as you left the house, you suddenly felt really uncomfortable and worried about what other people were thinking. Or, you know, you suddenly feel really embarrassed

about something that you've said in a group situation that I'm sure, you know, the people around you have quickly forgotten, or you've met new people and you're carefully kind of choosing every movement, every word choice, closely examining how they're responding to you. That is a direct result of that instinctual urge. And in those moments, we don't feel particularly confident. And for many people, it feels easy to feel sure of ourselves and to speak our mind and where what we want when we're alone or amongst close friends and family, but not so much in the presence of strangers or people that we don't know that well. But here's a little secret that I think we often forget. Nobody is looking at you as closely as you're a

examining yourself. Those feelings you have worrying if you look nice, if you're breathing too loudly on the bus, if people find you annoying, everyone else around you is having those exact same fears about themselves. We're all in our own little selfish bubbles, I guess, and acknowledging that is probably one of the most freeing realizations that we can have. because the truth is that no one cares as much as you do. And those people that do, well, that's new, you know, it's really not your problem. Honestly, you know, seriously ask yourself, in those moments, what does it matter if that person doesn't like me?

Why is their opinion important? Often we place a lot of emphasis on what we expect people to think of us because we are projecting our own inner critic. and our inner critic is essentially this little voice in our head that likes to point out everything that we've done wrong, every reason that we are unlovable and unlikable. It demeans us. And often the way that it does this is by using the presence of other people to stifle us and to make us self-conscious. Because often we care more about what other people think of us than we think about ourselves. And that's why the potential opinions of others is leveraged by our inner critic to keep us from feeling good

about ourselves. But our inner critic, it loses that power when we essentially take away its main ammo or its main weapon, which is caring about the opinions of others. And I think one of the biggest things that I've personally learnt in my 20s is that people's perceptions of me are their decision and it's their problem, not mine. You know, psychology shows that people are always going to enter into an interaction or an environment with a pre-existing expectation or a schema. And a schema is essentially their individual internal structure for organizing information, for making quick judgments or appraisals of a situation, including the people within it. These ways of judging the world are influenced by a lot of things. And it means that when we enter into a new situation,

our brain is unconsciously telling us what to pay attention to, what information together, what immediate judgments to make. And these schemers or ways of seeing the world, they're not only hard to change, but they're also highly individual. So if someone sees you doing something and makes an assumption about you based on your clothes or your wall, or how loud you are or whatever it is, that has nothing to do with you. The next person you know you see in the street is going to have an entirely different schema and therefore an entirely different image of you. And you can't control that.

So you really have no choice but to just, I guess, be yourself rather than trying to change to make everyone like you. Because how they see you is their problem. It's an individual issue. and isn't that so liberating, that realization that no one cares as much as we do, and even if they did, we don't have to care? I think I really find a lot of peace in this understanding, but if it's something that you, you know, still find really difficult to come to terms with or accept, I also think it's really worth reminding ourselves about, you know, the finality of life and the transitory kind of nature of so many

of our interactions. That person whose opinion you care so much about, that person does not matter. They'll probably never see you again. And I want you to do this thought exercise with me for a second. Can you remember the last stranger that you judged and why? Can you remember the last person you saw and you thought, you know, whoa, I really don't like their outfit or their laugh is really obnoxious? what was that person actually wearing? What did that person look like? What was their name? That person with the loud laugh or whatever it is,

how often do you actually think about them? These are details that we can rarely remember. And the same goes for other people's momentary and transitory perceptions of us. They pass and within a few minutes it's really not going to matter. And you may be thinking, you know, well, what about people whose opinions do it? impact me like co-workers or acquaintances. Here's the thing and be prepared for a bit of extensional

shock, but every single one of those people is going to die one day. And so are you. And those opinions they had of you, they are not going to matter. They're not going to matter in five years. They're not going to matter when you're kissing your grandchildren or when you're on your deathbed. So why should they matter right now and why not be your true authentic self in this moment why not be the most confident version of you to wear what you want express your opinions because you know they matter say what you feel speak your truth try new things even if you think you're going to fail you know like i said at the beginning of this episode when you realize that life is too short to care about what others think, when you realize that what other people think about you is their problem and not

yours, I think the next chapter of our life really begins, and it's a chapter that's really defined by confidence. Definitely easier said than done, though, I will say. So what I really want to do is kind of guide us through some of the tips and strategies that I use to really create and build my self-confidence in the moments when it doesn't really come naturally. Firstly, sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. You know, it's not just a saying, it's a real psychological experience. When we change the way we perceive ourselves, even if it's by, you know, lying to ourselves for a bit or convincing ourselves that we feel differently to how we may internally,

this is still going to alter how we act towards ourselves. You know, it's like you're playing a part, the part of a confident person, that's soon, you know, not going to feel so fake anymore. And I know it sounds insincere, but using this principle really does allow us to cultivate an attitude of confidence that we may not otherwise have. It's the same reason why, you know, forcing yourself to smile for even a few minutes is going to make you happier, even if just for a moment, because by faking it, our brains react

to that and begin to feel it. Psychologists have actually studied this idea and this saying to fake it till you make it, to assess whether there's been any truth behind it, whether it's correct and not just a popular phrase. Turns out it is. Turns out that it really does mean something. We can alter so much about how we feel. our confidence, our happiness, our mood, by how we actively choose to behave. In a very well-known study that I'm sure you've heard of if you studied psychology in uni, researchers found that they could enhance the mood of participants by simply asking them to just fake a smile. And the same goes for confidence. If they, you know, asked people to

pretend that they were playing a part, that they were in a play or a movie and their character was this really confident, self-assured individual. They found that after they'd engaged in this kind of play, after they'd engaged in this experiment, the people who were acting actually did feel more confident. And I truly do believe that altering your mindset and attitude will translate to authentic confidence. You know, tell yourself that you are the most magnetic person in any room, that people are drawn to you, that they want to hear what you have to say. Tell yourself that your contributions are worthwhile. Tell yourself that you are confident.

Act the part. It works, I promise, it really does work. It completely changes how we behave. I think this links really nicely to my next tip that I really use religiously, which is affirmations. and I know when I say that, when I talk about affirmations, a lot of people immediately think of, you know, manifestation and New Age Enlightenment, but it has a lot more to do with scientific evidence and psychology than you might think. If you're not familiar with the concept, essentially affirmations are positive statements that you say to yourself, such as I am confident or I am valuable, I deserve to be happy. happy, I attract love, I believe in myself. And this may seem bizarre, and maybe you're like, okay, Gemma, these are not the tangible evidence-based tips that I'm used to, but there is

genuine evidence and a real proven psychological theory behind why affirmations actually improve our confidence. And one of the key theories behind this is called self-affirmation theory. Essentially, this theory concludes that we have the ability and the agency to build up our own self-image and restore it when it's damaged by, you know, negative comments online or the nasty end of a relationship that might damage our self-esteem. Essentially, the theory concludes that we can maintain and build our self-confidence by telling ourselves positive things, and when these are repeated enough, we begin to believe them. Affirmations are part of that. They can really help strengthen our self-worthiness.

worth by boosting your positive opinion of yourself as well as your outward confidence. And this is also backed up by research. A study done a few years back, it looked at people who regularly practiced positive affirmations about themselves. And this was an MRI study. So it particularly looked at how the brain reacted to this practice. And the researchers, they found that there are specific neural pathways and areas that areas that areas of the brain that are involved in confidence and positive valuation and positive opinions

about ourselves that lit up as soon as we started practicing positive affirmations. These neural pathways just shone so bright. These areas of the brain showed immense activity. And that kind of goes to that point. When we say positive things to ourselves, like I am confident, I am a good person, I am nice, I am deserving of the things that happened to me, of the good things that happened to me. Our brain starts to have a more positive opinion of us. Affirmations also have the amazing kind of healing effect or benefit, I guess, of reducing rumination,

which is the tendency to get stuck on negative thoughts, and also promoting a positive and optimistic outlook or mindset. So you're not just improving your confidence, but the whole package deal here. Next, I think creating an environment, cultivating the relationships, the hobbies and activities that bring out our strengths can do wonders on our self-love journey. The reason being that they allow us to connect with our core values and self-perception. In these instances, when we are doing things that we love, interacting with the people that we love, we feel our most authentic. and from authenticity flows confidence. If you're feeling low, struggling with loving yourself, go and do something that you know that you're good at

and that you know that you enjoy. Maybe it's your daily word or providing really good advice to a friend or going for a run. Doing things that we're good at and even better, working towards being better at them, not just for others but for ourselves, it brings out our self-confidence because it promotes internal rather than external validation. Internal validation is so important here because it rests solely on our own individual perceptions of ourselves rather than others.

So we essentially get internal validation when we do things that align with our core sense of selves and that we feel proud of. So when we promote internal validation, it's more within our control how we feel about ourselves. Our confidence is more within our control. You know, people who base their self-esteem on external validation and what other people think, rather than what we think about ourselves, they tend to have poorer self-confidence. And this is because, like we said before, the opinions of others are not within our control. they can be really inconsistent and fickle and they often result in us focusing more on pleasing others out of fear of their judgment rather than making ourselves happy. I think it also perpetrates a very toxic cycle whereby the more we need validation from others, the more that it isn't enough and we crave it without ever really sitting down and questioning whether we like ourselves.

internal validation is your best friend and there are ways that we can encourage it one exercise that my therapist told me to do which i found so so valuable is to write down five things that you love about yourself not things that other people necessarily like about you not things to do with your appearance but core parts of your being core parts of your personality that you love. And I think when she had me do this exercise, I said things like, I love how motivated I am or I love that I'm really decisive. And then she asked me to consciously recognize every time I did something that aligned with that quality that I loved. And it really helped. I would really recommend because it builds up the validation that you have for yourself.

You no longer need to look to other people to feel confident. If you can say to yourself, like, wow, I'm amazing, I can't believe I did that, or think about how much you've achieved, or wow, I'm so motivated. And I can see that I'm motivated in my actions. We become naturally more confident. I think a lot of these tips are concerned with changing our internal self-perception rather than things about our, you know, our appearance or our environment. But, you know, honestly, sometimes there is nothing better than wearing something you really

love and putting on an amazing song and strutting down the street to improve your confidence or just, you know, really liking a photo that you look great in or a random compliment from a stranger, you know, the other week this older lady at the bookshop said I had really nice eyes and let me tell you the confidence from that lasted for at least a week. It was so affirming because sometimes we do need external validation. It feels good. And I know I've focused a lot on our own internal, you know, perspective and opinion of ourselves. But it doesn't mean that you need to disregard anything nice someone says to you or does for you.

Because it does really feel good. It's just about finding that healthy balance and re-centering yourself on what matters. I truly, truly believe that self-confidence, self-love, self-assurance it's not about our environment it's not about how you look or any kind of external factors it's about your internal and individual perception and you can change your appearance as much as you want but if you don't in you know don't address your internal insecurities and how you feel about yourself there is no diet there is no fashion choice no exercise habit no make-up in the world that is going to make you feel better about yourself if your internal perception

and if your mind isn't already on board. Confidence is an internal process that can be aided by, you know, really positively affirming who you are by saying those statements to yourself that I am confident, I am valuable, I am attractive, I find myself attractive, my body does what I want it to do, I don't need to care about what other people think about it or, you know, I like what I'm wearing. Your opinion is the only one that really matters in these instances. And really staying focused on that, not letting other people's negative criticisms or even your expectations of what they may think about you impact on your own self-worth, I think is really the secret ingredient to feeling really, really confident.

I think it's important to remind ourselves that there are going to be days, where we do not feel amazing about ourselves, where you are not confident. That's totally normal. Like any feeling, like any attitude, it ebbs and flows. But researching this episode, really understanding where confidence comes from,

what impacts it, I think what it made me realize was that it is actually something within my control and that there are so many instances in which I don't put my opinion of myself first. I put the opinion of someone else. and sometimes that can actually lead us into situations in which we're doing things that we, you know, that don't really align with our values. Re-centering yourself at the center of your own world is so important.

And I don't think it means you have to completely dismiss everyone else's opinions, but practicing that self-love, practicing those affirmations, listening to amazing freaking music and dancing around in your underwear, if that's what make you. you feel really, really good. That's what you should do, because it really is up to you to kind of engage with how you feel and change your environment, change your internal attitudes to reflect how you want to be. I think that's all we have time for today. But thank you for following along. I had such an amazing time thinking about this, exploring this, researching this. Like I said, confidence.

it is a huge, huge element of our 20s, and it's something that can be really confusing. It's something that can be really shaky. It's something that we don't always have. But I promise that you're getting there. I think I realize that I'm getting there. Not every day is going to be amazing, but those small, slow steps on our own self-love journey

really do lead to long-term impacts. And I truly do believe that all of us can be the most, confident versions of ourselves. All of us can love ourselves like no other person can in this world. So I really hope that you believe that as well. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming along this journey with me. If you feel inclined to do so, if you did really enjoy this episode, please feel free to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you're listening right now. It really helps the show to grow and to reach new people.

If you want to follow me on Instagram at That Psychology Podcast, I take episode suggestions. This was one of them. I thought it was such an amazing idea. So if there's something that you want to hear, please send it through. And also, it's just where I release new episodes and talk about what's happening on the show, talk about merch. If you want to follow, you know, please feel free to do so. and thank you so much for listening.

I will be back next week with another episode. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing.

How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.

You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Ellen's, correct? I doctored the test once. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian. Michael Ranchini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young.

This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%.

I break down the signs of mental toughness. fitness and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWA% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed, I will be his. last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.