The Psychology of your 20s - 73. The complete guide to therapy in your 20’s

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

This week we deep dive into everything there is to know about therapy in our 20’s. From identifying when you need therapy, to finding the right therapist, the different types of therapy that are available, some of the misconceptions about therapy and the details of your first session, this episode provides all the information to remove some of the mysticism and stigma behind getting some help for your mental health in your 20’s. Listen now.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology. everybody, welcome back to the podcast, welcome back to the show, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for joining me for another episode. This week, we are talking about therapy and we're extending a discussion that we've had quite a bit over on the Psychology of Your 20s Instagram. So if you're following me over there,

you may have seen some of these conversations come up a bit recently, but after mulling it over, little bit more, I thought we needed to devote an entire episode to this topic, especially as a podcast that is devoted to those of us in our 20s. Therapy is such a crucial resource for this decade, but also very confusing if you haven't been exposed to this type of help before. You know, these years of our life, they are defined by so many huge life changes, disruptive events, breakups, breakdowns, even death sometimes, and it's often when we begin to recognize the trauma we have carried since childhood, the behaviors that may be self-sabotaging, the boundaries we find it difficult to set, and the aspects of our mental health that we may be struggling with.

And in these situations, reaching out for professional help is one of the best things you can do for your development and long-term mental health. So welcome everyone to your comprehensive audio guide to therapy in your 20s. If you're listening to this with the intention of getting some professional psychological assistance for whatever you're struggling with, I really hope it goes without saying that I am so proud of you that this is a fantastic decision and you deserve so much credit for taking this step on your mental health journey. There is no shame, no stigma here,

because I genuinely think that everyone should receive therapy and I wish it was more accessible and less stigmatized than it is. I get so many messages from people who are really struggling to find affordable help or someone in their local area who isn't booked out for the next five months. I think accessibility is a massive issue. impacting the mental health community, impacting people with mental health problems or conditions, especially after the pandemic and the lockdowns when the demand for mental health services really skyrocketed. And I know it can be so frustrating. But I want to provide all of the information

that I can for those who may be thinking about committing to therapy because we know anecdotally and from all the evidence that it really does have the capacity to change our lives. And like I had just mentioned before, there are so many financial and logistical reasons sometimes for stopping us. And one of those logistical reasons, one of those other reasons, I guess, is that it can be really scary and novel and new. There is so much stigma about being deemed crazy because you're taking care of your mental health. And that message is in no way supported by this platform. We are pro-therapy. We are pro-seeking help. You're not weak for going to therapy. You're not crazy. I just think that everyone should be able to easily find their way into receiving

psychological help when they need it. So today I really want to break down every element of the therapy journey so that it can be perhaps a little bit easier for you and for anyone listening and get us closer to the point where getting psychological help is as easy as going to your family doctor. So we're going to discuss a lot of things, a lot of crucial elements of the therapy journey of how to access therapy. We're going to start off by talking about how to recognize when you may need therapy and some extra mental health assistance, how to access therapy and offering a bit of a guide into those first early steps. I really want to talk about the different types of therapy or counseling that you may be able to access and why they differ, how to find the right therapist

and why it may take a little while to find the right person for you. I really want to talk about some of my non-negotiables around the people that I see for my mental health or the therapist that I speak to when I do find that I need some extra assistance. So we're going to talk through that and then what to expect at therapy, especially in your first few sessions and some of the myths that surround this practice. You know, it's not always like the movies where a person lays on a couch and we examine their dreams and you're not always going to be. You're not always going to having breakthrough after breakthrough, you know, in tears every session or walking out magically changed. I think we sometimes expect that when we go and, you know, get help. And it's a really

lovely promise and super appealing, but it doesn't always work out that way. And I think it's important to be realistic about what you can expect and about how therapy works and that it takes some time. And as someone who has done a lot of therapy, I run a psychology podcast. I've had my fair share of therapists, of psychologists, and you know, I've had my hiatuses, I've gone back to therapy, I've seen different people for different issues. So I really want to sit down today and outline in detail what this process is like. And I hope that it will remove some of the mysticism and fear around what I think is really an essential practice for everyone and hopefully normalize the process of asking for help and then receiving what you.

you need. So there is a lot to cover today. So I'm going to stop waffling. I'm going to stop talking. And let's get straight into our complete guide to therapy in your 20. If you are listening to this, you've already taken the first major step. Congratulations. You have been able to acknowledge that you may not be able to go through whatever you're going through on your own. That is amazing self-awareness. And I hope it goes without saying, like, I said before that I'm very proud of you. Life can be really intense sometimes. It can throw us some real curveballs that we might call major life events such as the death of a family member, a chronic illness diagnosis, but sometimes the cumulative stress of everyday life can also build

up to the point where we need to pause and look after our mental health. I think it's also worth recognizing before we jump in that our family and friends can only do so much. They have their own struggles and things impacting their mental health. And I think it's not always realistic that we can always rely on them in hard times, not for all of our emotional needs, at least. We're just doing our best. Sometimes, you know, we need that outside support, especially in instances where you may not even have that level of family support or recognition from your parents or people that are close to you that mental health is a serious concern. And that is so hard to not have that essential support and validation that we need. But in both of those instances, a psychologist or a therapist can provide

so much value, so much validation, the psychological skills, and even the language to understand what you're going through and communicate that to others. Therapy is also entirely confidential. There is no judgment. You are often paying for this support. So you get to ask for what you would like from your sessions. And it is a place to be entirely vulnerable in a way that sometimes we cannot be with our family or friends to process your emotions away from the outside world.

So let's talk about some of the signs or reasons that you might be considering or should consider therapy. The first reason is if you've just been through a major life event. These may include things like the death of a partner, of a family member, being fired, graduating uni, even. Not all of them have to be negative, but they do all represent an unscheduled, uncontrollable event that usually signifies a major life change. There is actually a scale of the 10 most stressful life events that you can access online. And some of them even include positive things like a wedding or moving house. And when these events occur, there is a heightened likelihood that we are going to experience some level of stress or even distress. You know, they are a huge adjustment. So if you can

recognize that something major has just occurred in your life, whether you're coping or not, I think it's worth reaching out and seeing if you're able to see someone, for some guidance. The second reason is overwhelming stress and anxiety. Maybe you are working extended hours at work or at uni and struggling to stay on top of things. Stress places immense pressure on our nervous system and our brain's ability to cope. And if it's left unaddressed, it significantly increases your likelihood of developing mental health problems like depression and anxiety. So if you are finding that you're suffering from things like excessive fatigue, anxiety, stress, if you're getting sick very often, that's really worth, I think, sitting with taking a step back if you

can and prioritizing your mental health and getting some help. You know, work can wait. A bad grade is not going to ruin you, trust me, but poor mental health will have consequences that are going to last much longer than your academic performance or your chances at a promotion. And I think also making sure that you find the help you need through someone to speak to and process your emotions and stress will mean that you can bounce back and experience that level of functioning that you would like sooner rather than later. The next reason is if you're starting to recognize unhealthy habits or behaviors. Our 20s is often when we,

begin to recognize some of the unhealthy and self-sabotaging habits or behaviors that we've picked up in our childhood and in our adolescence. I'm thinking things like unhealthy eating habits to procrastination, maybe you isolate during times of stress. If you have noticed something about your habits and behaviors that you would like to change, a psychologist can really help guide you through this process and provide some objective clarity. The next reason is if you are having symptoms of a mental health condition like depression or phobias or anything else, this is not something to take lightly and I'm not going to speak to specific conditions because I do feel like that could take a while, but I'm going to speak

from experience when I say whatever you're going through if it's indicating that there's something deeper going on, the longer you leave this, the worse it will become. And the sooner you get help, the better you will feel. You know, I'm not trying to say that to scare anyone, but perhaps just encourage you. You know how it feels when you're happy and okay. So trust yourself when you're feeling off. If your thought patterns are spiraling, if you can't find anything that brings you joy or you are avoiding certain activities or situations, that's your cue. It's time to get some help. Of course, I think a lot of these are all to do with very internal and individual problems, but sometimes there can be problems in our relationships and in the kind of broader relationship

ecosystem in which we're situated that can really have consequences for our mental health. maybe with your intimate partner, with your family, with your friends, relationships are really emotionally complex. And sometimes there's friction, sometimes there's things that just aren't quite aligning. And you can't see clearly what's actually happening when you're wrapped up in a situation, but a therapist can.

They're not involved. They can provide that objectivity that is really needed and kind of clear the path for healthy growth, healthy conversations, decision making, boundary setting, regardless of your relationship with someone. You know, there is a reason that relationship therapists exist. Our relationships are a huge, huge part of our identity and of our lives, and they really do work, and you don't always need to go with the other person in question.

You can go by yourself. You can learn some really valuable strategies for communication and balance. boundary setting and anything else that's on your mind. So I would highly, highly recommend. And finally, you should be thinking about therapy if you just need a check-in. You just want to assess how you're going, get some mental clarity, you know, for maintenance rather than repairs. Therapy is still for you in those situations. I think a massive misconception surrounding psychological assistance and help is that you have to be absolutely suffering. at the lowest point in your life with something really serious in order to get guidance and to get

help. And that is absolutely not true. You can always go if you're just feeling a bit off or you want to better understand how you're actually going. The way I always explain this to people is that we have our annual doctor checkups. We go to the dentist once every three years or so. I don't know if that's accurate because I really hate the dentist, but that's beside the point. in every other area of our health. It is recommended that we have a checkup periodically. And our psychological health should be treated exactly the same way, maintenance rather than repairs.

It could also save you a lot of time and worry in the future to just check in with yourself alongside a licensed professional and see how you're going. Once you know that therapy or seeing a psychologist is something that you need, the next steps are often a bit complicated or they will seem that way because the level of accurate and consistent communication is really confusing. I think that's where a lot of us will get stuck. We know that we need help. We know that we want help. But where to from there? Well, that's what we're here for, you know? So let's run through the steps together to make

it a little bit easier. If you're in Australia, like myself, the first step is to go to your GP, your local doctor, and get a mental health care plan. Make sure to book a long appointment if your GP requires you to, compared to a short appointment, because this will give them the necessary time to get a plan written up and talk you through the process. When you are there, your GP or your doctor, and this is the case wherever you are in the world, if you're looking to be referred into psychological support services. They'll normally ask you to complete some kind of questionnaire. The most typical one is called the K-10. It's a simple series of questions to measure your level of psychological distress. It doesn't take long. There are no wrong answers. And it will

ask you questions such as, how often do you feel tired for no good reason? Or in the past four weeks, how often did you feel nervous, how often did you feel depressed, worthless, all kind of on that theme. And given your score, your doctors will be able to kind of see how you're going and give you a mental health care plan. And this plan immediately provides you with a subsidized or discounted rate for 10 sessions a year with a licensed psychologist. And they can even give you recommendations or a referral to a specific person if you ask them to, and someone in your local area. Or you know, you can always ask your friends for some recommendations. I promise a few of them will probably already be in therapy.

And they might know someone really lovely or know someone else who knows someone who can provide you with the assistance that you're needing. And it also opens a really healthy conversation, which I think is just, you know, a bonus. If you are in the US, the UK, Canada, New Zealand, wherever you are in the world, the first few steps that I just outlined are essentially the same. However, without the subsidised care and 10 free sessions, which as far as I know is exclusive to Australia, but there are other alternatives in other countries.

The first stop, though, is always talking to a doctor or another medical professional who is appropriate for the situation. they can often direct you to someone who can help or they'll provide referrals for cheaper or even subsidized services. If you are in New Zealand or the UK, you can access some therapies for free. So if in New Zealand, I think that includes various mental health services that are provided by the government and in the UK all talking therapies, which is what we would typically think of when we think of therapy, they're actually free under the NHS. And in the US, you can actually go to federally qualified health centers

or check with your insurance provider to see if some kind of psychological assistance is covered. If it's not, there are always options. There are so many free services out there. But as always, the first stop is your local family doctor. They're going to probably initially ask you some questions or administer a mental health test to kind of get an eye. idea of what you're going through before referring you to a specialist, including a counselor or a psychologist or even a psychiatrist, depending on the severity of what you're going through.

There are also worldwide online services like Talkspace or BetterHelp, neither of which are sponsoring this episode. And full disclaimer, I've never personally used either of these services, but they do really promote affordable, accessible online therapy. And I've heard other people who have had really amazing experiences. So it may be something to check out, especially because it is often much cheaper. But if in-person therapy is more your thing, there are so many directories and guides online and online resources that you can use. In the US, there's this one called the psychologist locator or the therapist directory and it can help you find someone in your local area based on your specific needs. I would also highly recommend this resource to anyone who

was searching for the right person to speak to, Healthline. It's a really amazing website that I've come across and they have an article called Therapy for Every Budget, How to Access It. And it's amazing as kind of a navigational portal for finding the most appropriate help for you and your circumstances. But before you jump right on board with the first person who was suggested to you or the first person that you meet with, it's really important to identify exactly what the core issue is or the primary reason you're accessing therapy in the first place, because this will really determine who you go to for a couple of reasons. I've been to. to therapy multiple times across my life. I've taken breaks. I've returned. I've found new

therapists for new problems, for new issues. But there are some core things that I look out for and tend to notice when I am selecting a therapist. And I really want to be careful about who I'm speaking to because I know that there is an important relationship built on trust and being vulnerable that needs to develop in order for therapy to be effective. The things I always look for are someone who has at least three years of experience. They need to be a registered psychologist, someone I feel comfortable with, who specializes in my chosen therapy, and ideally has previous experience in what I want to talk about,

although I would say that most professionals will likely have seen someone else like you with a similar issue as you if they've been around for a while. And I also make sure that it's in an environment or location that is accessible for me. You know, sometimes after therapy, you're going to feel really emotionally exhausted and a one-hour commute home isn't going to be what you need. Obviously, some of these things are a luxury, but choosing a therapist is kind of like dating sometimes. you need to have your non-negotiables to get what you want from the relationship and choose the right person

and sometimes you're going to have to see a couple of them just to make sure you know what you want. But I want to break down some of these distinctive qualities or differences a little bit more. Firstly, when I say I want a registered psychologist, there is an important and crucial difference between a psychologist and a therapist or a counselor. So terms like counsellor, therapist, psychologist, they're often used very interchangeably, but there is a distinction. So in most countries, to call yourself a psychologist, you have to have gone through some fairly strict requirements and training and often involves some level of graduate study, like a master's degree, and more than six years of specialized study, whereas counselling is a lot less

regulated, but still super useful and valuable. It just involves less formal education. So I know that in Australia, counselling is kind of what we would call a self-regulated profession, but it doesn't mean they haven't done some form of training and that they don't have the valuable skills and ability to offer the necessary support, the compassion, the safe space for you. Psychologists, however, they're able to administer certain therapies that include a specific evidence base and training, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, and they tend to have had more time and training to develop their skills. Psychiatrists, they are a whole other ballgame, but they're also one that we often hear about. These are essentially specialist doctors.

They go through the same amount of training as, say, an emergency room doctor or a surgeon, and the distinction here is that they can provide prescriptions for certain medications, and they can often offer a formal diagnosis for conditions like ADHD or schizophrenia. They are also normally a lot less available than a counselor or a psychologist, just given the nature of the amount of training they need to do, and they typically have longer wait lists than we would already expect with most mental health professionals. So something to note, but that doesn't mean. that you should not be looking for someone if that's who you need. And aside from all of those

details, whichever path you do choose to take, whichever is best for you, which suits your budget, which suits your location, which suits your needs, it's important to note that any mental health professional, specifically psychologists and therapists, they're going to do different things and offer different kinds of help. They're a specialist who focus mainly on complex family trauma or eating disorders, personality disorders, anxiety, sexual trauma, anything you can think of. And one way that you can make that distinction or choose the right person is based on the type of therapy that they offer. And they'll often list in their online profiles or bio exactly what their specialties are, be that children and adolescents,

bereavement and grief or relationship therapy. There are also minimal. millions of different types of therapy options. Maybe not millions, thousands, hundreds. But I'm going to focus on the major ones that you will often come across in your search. And then kind of mention some of the more interesting or different kinds of therapy. So I want to kind of list these and give a bit of a description of the major ones. So you can kind of identify which one might suit your needs at the moment. the first and perhaps the most widespread form of therapy for issues like depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol problems or eating disorders.

It's called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT, as it's known. And it seeks to produce important psychological changes by addressing our unhealthy thought patterns. This involves mental training, essentially, to recognize unhealthy thought patterns in cognitive, distortions and therefore gain a better understanding of the reasons behind your behaviors. This kind of therapy really helps you build your problem solving skills, to deal with difficult situations, to deal with trauma, things like learning how to use meditation, learning how to calm your mind, and how to face your fears over time and develop a deeper sense of confidence in your own abilities.

The evidence behind this therapy is endless. Endless. I would not have time to cover all the articles and research, but just trust me, it's one of the most researched and practice ways to change your thoughts and therefore your behavioral patterns in response to mental distress, and I would guarantee it's probably available in most places. The next is called dialectical behavior therapy. it's actually a modified version of CBT, and it's also fairly common.

It's colloquially known as talking therapy, which is not to say that the other kinds of therapy don't also have a fair amount of talking involved, but DBT in particular stresses that we should process our emotions and our experiences by firstly verbalising them to help regulate our future emotional reactions through a number of strategies. It can help people who have difficulty with emotional regulation or who are exhibiting self-destructive behaviors, and it helps you manage your emotions by teaching you skills to cope with day-to-day life and find new behaviors to replace harmful ones. It helps you understand exactly why you struggle with the things that you do through psychoeducation, and then also relies on that strong relationship between you and your therapist or,

psychologist to help build up those skills, build up that distress tolerance, build up that emotional regulation and that mindfulness. The next is psychotherapy. It's also called psychodynamic therapy. And I would assume that this is what we would typically think of when we think of seeing a counselor or a psychologist. You know, picture the very Freudian method of laying on a couch and having someone interpret your dream. dreams or interpret your paintings or your drawings. This type of therapy, it really focuses on self-awareness. It focuses on self-examination and self-reflection.

So if you do choose this type of therapy, what you'll normally find is that whoever you've chosen to or enlisted to help you, whatever mental health professional you've gone to, they will help guide you towards identifying the root cause of any suffering or problematic behaviors, by examining your past to understand the present. So it's really about going back into your childhood, going back into critical events in your life or critical periods, and identifying where is that turning point, where is the root of the experiences you are now having?

And it can be applied to a wide range of psychological disorders, things like anxiety is a big one, OCD, eating disorders, it's really endless. So I'm going to run through some of the others fairly quickly, but they are worth a bit more of a deep dive if they perk your interest. Exposure therapy, I personally actually use this. I do this right now with my current therapist. And it's mainly used for treating phobias,

but some other things as well, through gradually exposing someone to triggering situations, whilst kind of also applying mindfulness techniques so that it gradually makes you feel more comfortable with the fear, more comfortable with the discomfort that your trigger item or object or event brings you. So like I said, I use this with my claustrophobia. Essentially, what will normally happen is they will create almost like a table or a ladder of things that are really triggering for you that are all aligned to the same event

or the same object. And you slowly work your way up the ladder until you can address. and be in the situation that you most fear. The next one is a little bit weird. I've heard about this before. I've never used it, but I do know people that do. It's called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. Sounds really weird, right?

You know, like what do our eyes have to do with our mental health? But it's a method that really helps reduce the distress associated with certain and specific traumatic events or memories. So essentially how it works is your therapist will move their fingers back and forth in front of your eyes and ask you to follow some kind of motion or sound whilst you recall a disturbing event. And gradually, the therapist will guide you to shift your thoughts in that moment to pleasant ones. It's not as common as some of the others, but essentially what it attempts to do is to reduce a traumatic response or an intense response. response to a traumatic memory by changing how these memories are stored in the brain through altering the way our brain cells and our synaptic connections communicate in the presence of a

traumatic memory. So essentially that movement that we're talking about, it's meant to almost rewire your brain whilst you're in the presence of that traumatic memory. Would really, really recommend looking into it. It's really fascinating. It's really new. So go for your life. The final really common one that I really want to address as well is called interpersonal therapy. As the name kind of explains, it focuses on addressing problems in our relationships with others that are impacting our mental health. That might be dealing with grief. It might be unresolved conflict and trauma in your parental relationships. It can really help with transitions like divorce or a serious breakup or just helping us manage our relationships. So those are the most common types of therapy that

you might find if you go to a psychologist or a particular clinic. But make sure you ask what exact therapies they offer. You don't want to rock up and be like, I really want to do cognitive behavioral therapy and it's not available. So do kind of do your research. There are some other really fun ones, not really fun, but interesting and kind of niche therapies that I've heard of before. I thought I would share things like hypnotherapy, expressive arts therapy, dance therapy, sand play therapy, compassion focus therapy, and many others. They're a bit alternative, but they can be really highly effective for some people. I did art therapy for a while back in 2019, and it honestly had such an impact on me. Anytime I find myself kind of spiraling or struggling these days,

I know that reconnecting with my creativity will 100% make me feel better. So have a look into it, if any of those are particularly interesting. Like I said, not every psychologist or therapist is going to offer all of these kinds of therapy, especially some of the more specific ones like sand play therapy. I would say the majority of therapists are not doing that on their day to day. But the common ones like CBT, like DBT, like exposure therapy, you'll find in most places and at most practices.

But this kind of leads back to the point we raised before, is that not every therapist is going to be the right fit for you, even if they've done all the training, even if they're really experienced. Don't be afraid to try out a few different places before you find the right one. You want to be able to be vulnerable with someone and feel comfortable. And that's not going to happen if you and that other person just don't get along. You know, a therapist, a psychologist, they're a person as well. They have certain ways of communicating, certain ways of framing problems.

that's not always going to align with how you interpret things. And if your primary problem is trauma or interpersonal conflicts or difficulties, you're going to want someone who is specifically able to address that for you rather than going to an everyday therapist or just the first person you find and finding that they don't actually address the things that you're really worried about. You know, therapy, it's expensive. It's quite a bit of money sometimes. and you want to make sure that your money is worth it.

And I think that that is really crucial. It might take a little bit longer, but it is worth it. Your money will be more well spent. You will have more trust, more vulnerability if you take your time to choose the right person. Now, we're at this point in the therapy journey that we've been going along through this episode where you've identified the problem, hopefully. You've been to your doctor. You may have been referred to someone.

and you've kind of identified what kind of help you might need. So what should you expect next? How do you go about entering into your first few sessions? And what are some of the things that you shouldn't expect? All of that and more in just one second. Entering into your first psychology appointment, your first therapy appointment, it can be really scary, especially if it's your first time or you don't really know what to expect.

But it's actually really simple. It's nothing to be worried about at all. Before jumping into what we would normally think of as therapy, the person you're seeing needs to lay a bit of groundwork. And you're going to need to help them with that. So they may ask you some questions around whether you've been to therapy before, whether it was recommended to you by your workplace or another healthcare professional. And sometimes if you've been referred for a specific issue or condition,

they might ask about your family history, what medications you're on, when you began noticing symptoms, things like that. Just basic outline questions. The typical first session, it's going to provide you with an opportunity to outline exactly why you are there. What was the triggering event? What is the problem or the experience of concern? You might not have one, or at least be able to label exactly what's wrong at that moment. That is okay. If you're just feeling a little bit off, if you're not sure what's wrong, that is totally fine. It should not stop you from going to see someone because a therapist or a psychologist, they are there to help you develop the language and the skills to identify exactly what you're going through. Or you may be on the other end of the spectrum and have tons, a number of topics that you want to discuss.

That's okay as well. You can use your first session to outline these to your therapist and even better take the opportunity to identify which of these things you're worried about, which of these things you want to address are most crucial and you would like to address first. You may often find that some of them are actually very much interlinked and addressing the root cause of one might actually help with the other. expect to do most of the talking, especially in those first sessions. You know, they want to know you. They want to know who you are. They want to be well informed about what you're worried about before they make any assumptions or judgments. And if you're worried about keeping a conversation or whatnot, that's what they're trained to do.

They will ask you questions. They will ask you for more details. They will really probe. But obviously, if you're like, I'm not comfortable talking about that right now, it's all up to you. you're in control. If you exit your first session and you feel like, you know, I didn't have much to say, maybe I'm fine, maybe I don't need help, like, ah, I kind of clam shut. I would encourage you to go back a few more times. Sometimes it can take us some time to feel comfortable and vulnerable in a new situation, especially with new people. And if you don't find that you

typically talk about these problems regularly, it can be an adjustment to recognize that you are in a safe, confidential space where the primary purpose, the primary goal is for you to speak freely and without judgment. It takes time to build trust. So sometimes you do need to go back a few times and recognize, okay, well, this is what I can expect. This is what this person is like. I'm safe here. I can say whatever I would like. Furthermore, I think one of the huge, misconceptions is that you're going to come out of every, every session and have experienced some huge revelation or a breakthrough. Often, that is not the case.

You know, the habits, the thoughts, the emotional reactions we experience on a day-to-day basis, they have been developed and conditioned over a very long period of time. So it is hard to unlearn these in just one or two sessions. Having massive realisations, it's not uncommon, but it's also not going to happen all of the time. So our brain is going to take time to adjust, to follow along, to understand. And if you're feeling a little bit confused or like, you know, you're not making this massive progress, you're not seeing these massive changes in your life from the outset, you're not doing anything wrong. Don't quit.

It's not something to worry about. change, it takes time. Breakthroughs, take time. They require a lot of foundation work, but they will come. And even if they're just going to come along a little bit quieter or less traumatic than you expected, they will happen if you commit to your mental health journey. And you know, therapy isn't going to fix everything. I think that's another big kind of disclaimer I would like to make. But what it will do is give you the necessary strategies and mental or emotional tools to fix those things yourself. And sometimes we just need someone to talk to.

There is this saying that a problem on a page is half a problem. The same goes for verbalizing it. Often a lot of our worries come from thoughts and feelings that we have that have been suppressed. And once we're able to get those out into the air, you'll feel a lot better. And in six months, I promise that you will notice a change as you begin to kind of see the world and your behaviors and yourself a lot differently, week by week, month by month. But back to those first few sessions, if you have decided that you want to undergo a specific therapy or a specific route, your therapist will likely talk you through

this with you. You know, they really want to be involved. That's obviously the point. They're going to speak with you about the process, the steps, the reasoning and the evidence. For example, if you are like, okay, I have a massive phobia of snakes. It's really bothering me. I can't go outside. I can't go on hikes. I can't enjoy nature because I'm so worried about it. They might be like, okay, well, exposure therapy is really going to work here,

and they will talk you through exactly what it entails. They may also offer alternative therapies or alternative treatments based on their professional judgment. You can do your own research and be like, no, I don't want to go down that path. No, I don't really want to do that. it's completely up to you. But by the time that you've been there a few times, you should have a good understanding of what you're working towards

and how your chosen mental health professional sees your issue or how they are going about addressing it and the process or the steps that are laid out in front of you. In that first session as well, if, for example, you're having a mental health crisis or you are really struggling with anxiety or depression, they may also offer some initial suggestions or skills to start working on and some activities that you should do between sessions.

Maybe it's practicing mindfulness, maybe they will teach you specific calming techniques if you're panicking or recommend a specific journaling routine, and it's your responsibility to complete these. They're not going to tell you off if you didn't do it. It's up to you, but treat it like the most important homework you will ever do. The most important homework of your life, it will be the things that you will be the things that your therapist assigns you to do. I promise it's worth doing them. After the first session, your therapist or psychologist, they will normally book you in for a next session if you decide they are the right person. And you and them will create either a weekly or a fortnightly schedule

for you to see them regularly based on their schedule, based on your schedule. I think another huge misconception with therapy is that you have to be going like five times a week, like all the time, to see those results, when truly if you've found the right person for you, you can do a lot of the necessary work between your sessions and with their guidance. If after a little while you have a conversation and you don't really need to see them as regularly, you can always change to a monthly basis. You don't have to stick to that schedule that you initially set. And regardless of what happens, you can always go back even if you take a

break. You can stay in touch with your therapist even if you're not seeing them regularly, especially once that trust is built. It's important to know that you can rekindle that professional relationship. However, that does not mean that you're going to be best pals and should be able to call them or text them in the middle of the night whenever you're having a problem. Remember, they are real people. They are a trained confidential professional service, not a best friend. So make sure that you maintain healthy boundaries and expectations about what a therapist can really offer you and make sure that they are the right person for you. I think that is the crucial message throughout this entire thing. Make sure they are the right person. The growth

that you will want to see, the changes you will want to see. They will not happen if you do not feel comfortable. They will not happen if you don't feel vulnerable enough to share what is actually really worrying you and if that person isn't, doesn't have the training or the specific skill set that's going to meet your needs. Before we wrap up, and to complete the guide, I really want to quickly address one more myth. And that is that if you seek professional help, something must be wrong with you. You are broken, you are weak, whatever it is. Society has never been particularly kind to people who struggle with their mental health. There is a long history of stigma and mal-treatment. But there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Almost 25% of all people in the world

will experience some form of mental health condition or struggle in their life. And those numbers just come from the people who actually seek help. I'm guessing they would be so much higher than we can anticipate. You are not alone. You are certainly not weak. Going to therapy does not change anything about your value or who you are. If anything, it only makes you stronger and more well equipped to deal with the roller coaster of life. So if you've made it this far, if you're considering therapy, please, please do it. There are always options out there, affordable help, therapy that's offered through your workplace, through your insurance, through government programs, through online services. And, you know, you don't need to announce it to the work.

world if you don't feel comfortable, but I would also really, really encourage you to not let any stigma stop you. You're in the right place, no matter what society thinks, your parents, your friends think on this platform, no matter what you're going through, mental health will absolutely never be something to be ashamed of. And getting help is one of the most crucial things that you can do. It is amazing for you in the long term. It is amazing for your quality of life, for your well, for your ability to be a good person. So I would highly recommend no matter what issue you're facing to kind of follow some of these steps, to really think about if this is the right time for you to go and seek therapy, to think about what you would want from a therapist, to go through

those initial kind of stages of going to see your doctor, getting some form of mental health assessment or a mental health care plan, and then reaching out to the available services in your area. I think that's a good place to end things. I just really wanted to take some time to actually speak through exactly what it's like from the very beginnings, the very initial thoughts of maybe seeking help to those first sessions. What is that process like so that if you are someone who is considering it, it doesn't seem as scary. It doesn't seem as new. It doesn't seem as out of the ordinary. You know, it's super normal. So I really hope. that you have enjoyed this episode. I'm really proud of you if you're looking to get some extra

help with your mental health. It is amazing. I do it. I'm, I do it. I feel like, you know, I'm here. I'm recording this podcast. I have an amazing life, but sometimes things come and go and there really shouldn't be any stigma around addressing that the same way that you would address a broken arm or a concussion or anything else going wrong in your body. So thank you so much for listening. If this episode has helped you and you think it could help someone else, please feel free to share it. Pass along the good message, pass along the positive vibes and the advice. And if you do feel called to do so, please feel free to leave a five-star review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you are listening right now. It really does help the show grow and reach new people.

So I would very much appreciate it if you would like to. and make sure to follow us on Instagram at That Psychology Podcast. That's where this conversation really began. So if you want to stay up to date with what's coming next, if you want to provide some episode suggestions, I will gladly take it on board. And we will be back next week for another episode. Hey, what's good, y'all?

You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This speech is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that's, really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

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