The Psychology of your 20s - 94. Chronic illness and overcoming adversity ft. Bradley Dryburgh

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

In 2020, Bradley found himself questioning death. He was 24 and lying in hospital bed with bleeding lungs caused by his condition, cystic fibrosis. Three years later, he has run multiple marathons, left behind his successful career as a realtor and is now running his podcast 'A Lot To Talk About', sharing his story. This week we break down his journey, including his philosophy towards overcoming the adversity we all face in our 20s, whatever that may be. We dive into the psychology of living with a chronic disease and how Bradley's entire perspective has changed since 2020. Listen to his inspiring story and interview now.  Bradley's podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0F7u8INlXQ0KvtjwK6Zf12?si=3bfe175327f94848 Follow Bradley on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bradleyjdryburgh/?hl=en   Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=enSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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for our psychology. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. It is so great to have you here back for another episode, one that I am so excited to be able to do today. I have an amazing guest till I'll introduce to you in just a second. But something that's been on my mind a lot recently is the idea of adversity and how

we can overcome the things that are in our path, the things that fate kind of hands us and life hands us to become full, amazing, flourishing individuals in our 20s. And today I have on Bradley, the host of the show a lot to talk about. How are you Bradley? I'm so well, and I have to say, you need to get some sort of contract or deal with calm. Because your voice is like, It puts me into like a meditative state. It's great. It's a very peaceful way to spend a podcast. So I'm absolutely stoked to be here and I love your show.

Just so excited to be a part of it. Thank you. And for those of you who don't know, I was on Bradley's show this week. We talked about our 20s and all the things that come with it. It was such an amazing experience. I feel like I very rarely have other Australians on the show. So this is like super special to me. It's so exciting anytime that I think especially in this space,

Jim, because there are so many people doing great things in the US market, the UK market. And I think that Australia is always seen as like we're a little bit behind in this space of media, in the space of podcasting in particular. So the fact that, you know,

we've been able to meet, connect on very similar interests and goals for what we're doing in this space and then to be able to collaborate on, you know, an episode on my show, an episode on your show is it's a real joy. It really is. And I think it's one of those things, right, when you find people who share a passion. It's just so incredible and it always creates such an amazing friendship.

And I think the thing that really, really brought me towards your energy and really attracted me to your energy was you have such a unique and incredible story that I think is so inspiring and worth sharing. You know, we talk a lot about the somewhat universally. experiences of our 20s on the show. We talk about personal growth. But something I think that we need to discuss more is things that are kind of put in our path, things that we have to overcome for you as a chronic illness and the best way that we can kind of handle and deal with the cards that we've been dealt. You know, I think your journey and experience with cystic fibrosis is an incredible example

of that. I know you were at Parliament House last week discussing the need for greater cover of medications used to treat this illness and you do some incredible advocacy. I might just ask, for those of us who don't know what cystic fibrosis is, can you maybe provide a bit of an overview? Yeah, I'll try to do this in the simplest, least scientific way possible because it is such a complex condition. So essentially cystic fibrosis is a genetic illness. So everyone, which is about 3,600 Australians who have CF and live with it every day, were all born with it. It's not something you can develop later in life it's not something you can catch you were born with it it's two parents having the cystic fibrosis gene which causes um a chance not a super likely chance but a

enough of a chance i believe it's about four percent chance where two people carry the cf gene that their child is born with cf now essentially cf has what we call different mutations of the illness but there's particularly one that is the most common and also the most severe it's called delta f5 o i weight. So that's as scientific as I'm going to get. But essentially what that means is it means that anyone who has that genetic mutation of CF often has issues with their lungs. So because essentially CF is a defective gene that's supposed to transport salt and water to the cells in the body. And where those cells don't get the appropriate salt and water through that gene, essentially the mucus that moves around the body, it gets thicker and stickier and it sits on and impairs the functions of

organs and also scars them. So in the lungs, it means that, you know, we all associate sort of mucus or phlegm with the lungs and the respiratory system. Essentially, that mucus sits there and creates a breeding ground for infection. And that's how a lot of people with CF have a lot of their struggles, you know, lung infection after lung infection. That means the depreciating health of their lungs become quite scarred and they can't breathe properly and they struggle to get air in and out. And for a lot of people with CF, it means that. that the capacity of air they can get into their lungs is quite heavily reduced, but also it feels like, you know, every time you take a breath,

you're sort of breathing through a straw. So it can be quite challenging just in the everyday and almost every breath for people with CF. It's also quite common that people with CF suffer from pancreatic insufficiency. And essentially what that means is anytime I eat food with protein or fat in it, my body doesn't produce the appropriate digestive enzymes to absorb that nutrition. and taking what the body needs to, you know, grow, thrive and recover. And so I have to take digestive enzymes in capsule form every time I eat any food with protein or fat in it.

Now, for me, it also meant that at the age of nine, I was diagnosed with liver disease. I actually have cirrhosis of the liver, which is what sort of an alcoholic would get after 20 years of abusing their liver with alcohol. And I've also got diabetes because of that pancreatic insufficiency. So there's a lot of things that come with cystic fibrosis, and it's quite often thought of as a lung disease, but it's so much more than that. And it's why it's such a complex disease to understand for so many Aussies.

It's also why so many people with CF live really hard lives because there are so many things in the body that can go wrong and often do go wrong with CF. That is such an eloquent way of putting it and so understandable, I think. it's really interesting these kind of illnesses and these kinds of, I don't know if I would classify it as a disease, it's an illness, it's a chronic illness, right? And we were talking about this the other day where you just gave me this incredible list of all these things that your body is going through and these almost, this like very intense physical experiences, but it's really

interesting, I think, that we were talking about how you don't always look sick and you don't look like someone who has, you know, dysfunction in your liver. You don't look like someone who has diabetes. But I'm sure as a child that was really different and you probably had a lot of really hard days. Do you think your experiences in childhood really have impacted you today? Like when did you realize that you weren't like other people that you had these complications or these elements of this illness? that's such a great question because there are a few answers to that i guess for me i was born into

this incredible family so i say that literally the greatest gift and blessing i ever received was two incredible parents when i was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis it was just a couple months later my parents were sitting in front of a cystic fibrosis specialist essentially the man who is going to provide the information provide the understanding and set them up for what to expect as parents of a child with CF and he sat them down and within a matter of minutes said your son would be better off with a terminal illness that would kill him or he'd get over because cystic fibrosis will ruin his life like he said it with such certainty that they sat there and were sort of taken aback by it they've gone far out like that's so negative but what my parents

done was they stood up looked him in the face and said you'll never see us again and walked out of that room and they decided to go and see a doctor who had a more positive view, the same positive view that they shared for my life and they taught me this incredible lesson before I even knew it that what you believe is what you become. And so throughout the course of my early childhood years, we had this extremely positive perspective for what my life could and should look like regardless of my cystic fibrosis. And in my early years, that was reinforced, that belief was reinforced through my ability to compete in athletic endeavors. I was a really fit, healthy, able young kid. And I was a state champion sprinter. And I had a younger sister. She's two and a half

years younger than me. She doesn't have CF. But as an older brother, you know, I would sit up at the dinner table every night and take six to ten digestive enzymes with my dinner. It's just, you know, some of the 50 tablets a day I took as a child. And my sister loved, adored me. And my sister loved, adored and admired me so much that she would have to have strawberry or orange vitamins so that she could be like her older brother. Oh my gosh. And so I credit my sister with building this amazing self-esteem in me as a young man that regardless of everything that was different with me, I never felt ashamed of it because for me, my SIF

was a badge of honor. My sister looked at me because when you're young, your siblings and your family are the people you spend your time with before you enter your schooling life. And in the very early years, my CF was not something that held me back. In fact, it's something my sister admired about me. So for me, this self-esteem was built that I don't have to look at this any differently. And in fact, I've been told there's all these things I shouldn't be able to do, but I'm able to do them.

So that makes me more resilient. It makes me stronger. And I should actually be proud of this. And I think it speaks to the importance. You know, we talk about childhood trauma a lot and how that shapes us as human, beings as we enter adulthood, well, in the very early foundational years of my life, my family gave me every reason to believe that cystic fibrosis wouldn't limit or defy my life. And so those early years, I was so healthy. It was more for me that when I entered adulthood, a little bit of

complacency allowed some of those challenges to creep in. And I guess to answer your question and to sort of, I guess, lean on and touch on what you were saying before. It wasn't really until I was 18 years of age that CF really started to challenge me. And the first challenge was a really severe case of bleeding lungs. And it was the first time I ever remember thinking, far out, I'm mortal. I actually, I'm not just beating CF. I'm not miles ahead of it. It's caught up to me and it's something I now have to learn to live with.

and that was for me a little bit of a shock. But I think because my foundational beliefs were so strong and positive and I'd built so much resilience through just providing myself with this undeniable proof that I can achieve in spite of CF, that I was able to tackle that with a really level head. I genuinely got chills when you were talking about your parents' reaction to that doctor and your sister as well. That is such a remarkable response.

And honestly, like, breathtaking that they just sound like such incredible role models. I'm so happy for you that you had that kind of support structure and such kick-ass parents. Like, they genuinely sound incredible. And I think that it was a really good point you said in the sense that the environment that your family creates for you as a child really shapes your mindset towards adversity. really shapes your mindset towards the things that everyone is going to have to encounter and overcome. I just think that is such a profound and compelling example of how that works. The fact that you're still able to excel, the fact that you were able to perhaps not even recognize that you were sick or ill until you were an adult because your parents almost

created this protective spear around you of, of, not so much like of just normalcy, of normalcy and also of, of capability and of inspiration. 100%. And I think as a child, you kind of process the world through feeling and emotion as opposed to, you know, like I think that belief system that I strongly identify with now of being quite positive and feeling quite capable in spite of my challenges. as a kid you don't see it that way you just think this is how I am and this is how we are as a family and that's just something you can feel and something you you know as a as a sense of the way that you live your life it's very subconscious where I think now you know I have the beauty of hindsight understanding being a 26 year old man who you know is able to look back on all of those moments and draw the lessons from them and better understand them and now I can fully process not

subconsciously but consciously that they are the lessons that my parents were teaching me and they led through action which was just such a blessing to have that I guess that support system around me from you know my first days yeah absolutely and it's such a credit to them but I think I also a credit to you that you were able to adapt and be such a flexible child and really persevere this is kind of leading on to this other question and I think it's one that I'm sure other people have asked you, but I just, I just think it's so valuable to understand how CF, how this illness has really impacted you mentally. I think from my perspective of you, it's in some ways actually empowered you because you've, this obstacle has been put in your way and you've kind of been like,

no, I'm not going to, I'm not going to take this. This isn't how my life is going to be. but I'm sure there's a lot of nuance behind that. So how has it impacted you psychologically and mentally? There's definitely positives. Well, there are so many positives. I'll say that. There are so many positives that, like you said, I recognize this incredible purpose in my life

that is because of the challenges I've faced. I recognize this resilience that is a huge part of who I am as a human being and allows me to continue to do what I do. I recognize incredible perspective. because for all the challenges I've faced, I appreciate the gift of every day having air in my lungs and a heartbeat. I also appreciate the people in my life because they've been a huge part of allowing me to be where I am as healthy as I am today. However, I'll touch on because I think it would be handy for people listening and there's been such a lesson in this over the course of the last few years for me. I think the challenges I had that I didn't really understand until I was in my early 20s

that were a negative, I guess a negative view on my CF was I had this insecurity that as I entered adulthood and started to face some of these challenges, you know, bleeding lungs and a little bit of uncertainty surrounding my CF and my health long term. I had a worry and a fear that as a man who wanted to be a father, as a man who wanted to be a father, as a man who wanted to have, you know, a woman in his life that he loved, adored and was able to create a relationship with and a life with. I had this fear and insecurity that because of the uncertainty of my CF, why would someone bet their chips on me?

Why would someone choose to enter a relationship with someone they didn't fully have the certainty that they'd have a future with? And it was this insecurity that for a long time stopped me from. really stepping into any sort of potential long-term relationships and, you know, all the self-sabotage in the world and all the excuses as to why, you know, this isn't right and that isn't right. And ultimately, a lot of the potential relationships I had in my early 20s weren't the right people for me anyways. But I had this fear that I just never find the right person. And it definitely troubled me at times because I've never felt alone. I've got incredible

friends and once again incredible family but i did feel a sense of loneliness and loneliness was something that i definitely struggled with at times throughout the early 20s of my life you know and i remember moving to i moved to melbourne in 2018 for work and so out of my comfort zone because i was so far from my family you know as a flight or an eight hour drive from my family i was away from all of my friends and i had quite a hectic job where I worked seven days a week, 12 hours a day. And it didn't leave much time for anything else in my life. But I was staying and living in a two-bedroom apartment by myself. And I remember sitting in front of the TV, getting home from work at like 9, 30, 10 o'clock every night and just thinking, far out, it would be nice to have someone that I could at least know

I was sacrificing to build a life with. And there was so much that was flawed in my own relationship with myself at the time but I I just always seen cystic fibrosis is almost a roadblock to ever having that and it wasn't until I started to and I don't want to skip too far ahead in the story because I'm sure we'll get there but it wasn't really until I started to take control of my health again until I started to really you know willingly choose to suffer and do hard things and be disciplined and create purpose, challenge, goals in my life, that I found this new sense of confidence that, well, actually, there is so much I can control. And through podcasting, podcasting has made a man out of me, and I don't say that lightly,

hearing other people's stories, developing my own understanding of, you know, the human being that I am, the way that the world works, the way that we work as human beings, allowed me to realize this incredible lesson that in fact none of us are guaranteed any time here on earth that literally if you wake up tomorrow with air in your lungs and a heartbeat you've been given an incredible gift and so to think that you are and i say this to people with cf all the time or with chronic illness there is no such thing as life expectancy because no one's promised any day on this earth and so every day if you get up and control what you can control and do what you can do to be at your best,

well then you're in the same boat as everyone else. So I just decided to stop looking at it as a limiting factor. And with that, funnily enough, I've found someone that I love dearly, that I am creating a life with, that I now do not feel like cystic fibrosis is holding me back or limiting any area of my life. And so that has probably been to answer your question

in the longest way possible. The only rule negative that I've felt, living a life with cystic fibrosis. But I feel like now, as I look in the rearview mirror at what once was a limiting belief, I feel very liberated to know that today there's not a single thing within my world, within my life that I see as an issue

to moving forward with cystic fibrosis. I'm so happy for you. I love that response. I think that's just such a testament to your character that you're at this place. There's this saying that I love, love that it's like every every, every bad thing, every twist of fate is meant to bring you to the place that you are. And I do genuinely believe it. I don't know if you think this as well, but

looking at my own life and something that I was reflecting on when you were talking about that is there have been so many times in my life where I've been in that state of loneliness or where things have gone wrong, where I haven't gotten what I've wanted, where something has come up that has really distorted my vision of the future. And I've been like, that's the end. Like, I didn't get what I wanted. I deserve to be miserable now. I'm going to kind of sit in myself pity.

But all of those things, all of those instances, like when you were in Melbourne, where you were sitting in this state of almost like despair and really questioning things, they're all meant to bring you to this point. They're meant to teach you an important lesson. about where you should take your life. And for you, that is to become an amazing advocate, an amazing podcaster, an amazing partner as well. But what do you think was that turning point in your mindset?

What do you think was that moment where the flip kind of switched for you? It's such a great question, Jen, because there are so many things that have played equal part in building the new mentality that I have, in developing my mindset to be where it is to move forward in life right now. And I'll go through a few of them. So when I do a keynote, I center my keynote around four life-changing moments

that have led to four life-changing lessons. Now, the first moment is the moment I spoke about when I was diagnosed. I always draw back on that. Even today, I think about that moment every day. The second is the first time that I thought I was dying. So I spoke about being 18 and having bleeding lungs for the first time. I remember, you know, being quite ill over the course of a week and knowing that I had to go into hospital.

And we're waiting for a hospital bed to pop up and be free at RPA Hospital in Sydney. And so they sent me home to my place at Wollongong with my old man at the time. And we were just sitting on the lounge, relaxing. I was quite sick, coughing quite a bit, a lot of mucus in my lungs. And as I was waiting for this call, I had this particularly sharp cough that was different to any time I've ever coughed in my life before that, because I could taste that metallic taste of blood in my mouth after I coughed. And I remember as soon as I tasted it, thinking about what I'd heard so many doctors say

to me over the course of the years prior, that if you ever cough up fresh blood, you need to race to emergency because it's a matter of life or death. And so I remember racing to the laundry, gripping the laundry sink and coughing up a load of fresh blood into the sink, looking down at the bottom of the sink and just seeing that fresh blood and experiencing the fear and anxiety just wash over your body as you just think and can't help but think the worst. I remember calling out to my old man at the top of my lungs and we raced to the car and started racing towards the emergency room at Wollongong Hospital. and I remember sitting in the car with an ice cream bucket, ice cream container in my lap to cough up the blood into and just looking at my dad and thinking, is my old man going to see me die in the car? Is he going to get to hospital in time? Is he going to have to carry me in? Is he going to be too late? Is he going to have to live with that guilt?

I remember realizing that my mum and my sister weren't in the car with me and they were and still are so important to me. They're two of my closest people, and they thankfully worked at the same place of employment at the time, and I called their office, and my sister answered. And I remember having the conversation with my sister saying that we're racing to emergency. I'm coughing up a lot of blood, and I don't know what's wrong. Can your mum please meet us at emergency? I love you and tell mum I love her too. And just wondering after I hung up the phone whether I'd ever see them again.

And thankfully, my lungs stabilized and, you're going to. it was a serious case of pneumonia that took a couple weeks in hospital to recover from. But when you're 18 years of age and you literally stare what you think to be your potential death in the eyes, I had this life realisation, but I was 18. I had not lived the life I wanted to live yet. I was devastated by the idea that I was potentially leaving my family behind. And I remember thinking, I don't have. ever want to feel like that again. I don't ever want to feel like in my final moment I had so much

left to give. And, you know, I talk about this incredible Confucius quote that every man lives the second begins when he realizes he has just one. It was that moment at 18 that I realized this is my one and only life. Don't waste it. I remember a couple years later being back in hospital with a serious infection that I was told could be fatal if they didn't get a grip of it early enough and meeting an older gentleman who had terminal cancer. His name was Ernie. And I invited Ernie around to my room one afternoon just to have a conversation over a cup of tea. He was staying in the room next door in a room full of older gentlemen who were quite sick.

And I could tell he just needed a mate. So I invited him over. And over the course of two weeks, we spent every afternoon enjoying a cup of tea and some bickies together and just talking about life. and I remember Ernie, I vividly remember him talking about how important his people were, how much he loved. He'd actually been married three times, divorced three times, but were still mates with all his wives.

I kind of love that. Yeah, he's great. He's a great man, just such an easygoing fella. Yeah. He had children, grandchildren that he loved and just cared for dearly. And not once in that whole hospital trip, you know, and at the time, I should preface that, I was so focused on making money at the time I was in real estate

and my sole focus in life was to make money so that I could buy things to make me feel happy and when you're sitting in a hospital bed and you don't have the thing that should be your number one priority, your health and you're speaking to a man who is literally contemplating

his imminent mortality and he's not once spoken about the car he drove, the house he lived in, how much money he made, he's just spoken about the people he loved. I thought, can I swear on this podcast? You sure can. I thought, well, fuck, haven't I got something wrong?

And I remember leaving that hospital and not long after I quit my job and started to do what I do now. And the fourth moment I'll talk about to get back full circle to your question. I love it, please. It is July 2020, a couple months out of my job, starting to do things that I'm really passionate about and I love and starting to feel this deep sense. of what we would call purpose to uplift and inspire hope in others through story, having quite a serious three days of lung bleeds and being in an emergency room in Wollongong Hospital.

And sitting there with my old man at 2 a.m. whilst we waited for some test results to come back to see if, you know, I'd lost too much blood and needed a transfusion or whether they needed to do a surgery on my lungs. And I remember looking at my dad and saying, mate I feel this deep sense of clarity that not only will I recover and come back stronger than ever from this but this is my time to do something that inspires others who are living with CF I recognize the absolute gift that I'd been given to you know two incredible parents who were so positive and I thought not everyone has that gift and I thought can I be the role model that they were for me to other people who are living with or affected by cystic fibrosis.

And I made a declaration in that hospital bed at 2am that by the end of that year, so just four and a half, five months later, I'd run a marathon to show that nothing was impossible and that you could come back from even the absolute worst of, you know, illnesses and issues and challenges in life. And, you know, over the course of that next four and a half months, I figured it out and I got a marathon done.

And it come with so many ups and downs and turbulent moments. But as I crossed the finish line of that marathon, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I'd gone out and set myself an incredibly lofty challenge and I'd proven to myself that I was capable again. It was a feeling I hadn't felt since I was a child that I can control what I choose to control every day.

And I can't control when cystic fibrosis serves me up. some bleeding lungs I can't control when something in my life goes wrong. It's that Tony Robbins quote right that pain is inevitable suffering is a choice but I choose to not suffer over the things I can control every day and I can't even remember the question you asked me when this started but essentially what I'm getting at is it was so important to me to develop that sense of capability through discipline, purpose, and in turn building incredible resilience and even greater perspective that you can't be a victim of your circumstances. You have to own them.

You know, you spoke about the cards that you dealt. You don't pick the cards you dealt in a game of poker. You either fold or you play on. And I never fold. I always play on because you have no other option. You know, you can't sit and mull over what is. you may as well use it to your advantage. And essentially, I've found this incredible view and perspective that I am so blessed

to have been dealt these cards because it's given me the opportunity to have a story that can impact people, that can uplift people. Like, I don't know that I'd be the man. Well, in fact, I'm certain I wouldn't be the man that I am today had I not been given this challenge. Yeah. Because when you fight something for 26 years, when you fight every day to keep well, to keep healthy. It gives you an immense sense of appreciation. And I'm so grateful for just the little things in

my life. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I genuinely, I thought I was going to cry when you were talking about that. Like that part, oh my goodness, like, so incredibly moving. And I just think it shows how much you've taken from that experience. And even on a broader scale, how much our entire identity in some ways the things that we care about most most of it kind of it boils down to two things right it boils down to material and it boils down to internal and I think that was so incredible for me

to hear that switch that you made that transition from caring about wealth from caring about status to really caring about the things that mattered like family and like health. And it's just so incredible how life really sometimes I do think forces you on the path that you're meant to go on. And I know this is a psychology podcast.

I can't give any explanation for that. I do just think that it's just something that we're never going to be able to explain. Fate is a very mysterious thing that I absolutely believe in. And I think your story is an incredible, incredible display of that that you came through some incredibly traumatic times to completely realize yourself

and to be an incredible person and I think the other thing that really moves me about that story is the marathon like I remember you telling me this for the first time and I was like I that is insane to me this man ran a marathon with like having had his lungs

bleeding less than four months before. Most people don't run a marathon with fully functional lungs. That's just like insane to me. And I'm sure that's a massive achievement for you. But what are some of the other things that you are so proud of achieving? What are some of the things that you, you know, what are some of the things that your 18-year-old self wouldn't believe that you've done today? Yeah, I love that question as well because I think my 18-year-old self,

If I think back to that kid, there was this, I can still tell when I look at him and I look back at old photos, when I look back at things that I'd written on Facebook or, you know, there's horrifying memories pop up on the timeline. And they stretch it out a little bit and I look back at that. And there was still this sense of a kid who wanted to help others, who understood the power of service. but when I talk about the podcast making a man out of me, I truly mean it. I remember and have this long term passion for storytelling. You know, my parents were telling me not too long ago

that my first words were a sentence, that I had this love, desire to consistently ask people questions, share stories, connect with people, wherever we went. I was always more interested in having a conversation with the adults because they could talk more than just running off and playing with the kids. Like, I had this genuine love for conversation and storytelling.

And so when I started the podcast, it was me recognizing that for a few years, I'd done what I thought I had to do to be, quote, unquote, successful in the world, to accumulate wealth, to buy a home, to have a nice car, to wear fancy suits to be what other people would deem to be impressive. And in the pursuit of that, I'd completely forgotten what was impressive, enjoyable, you know, passionate for me. And so when I started the podcast, it was a reconnection with an old passion. And just like lighting a candle, that flame was back as strong as it used to be.

and I felt a sense of not only enjoyment in the early days of the podcast, but I felt this attachment to purpose. Because I remember the second episode of the show, it's now at 176, 77 episodes, which is wild to me. But I remember just after the second episode, I released the first three on the same day. And it was the day after I'd released them, I got a message from a girl who lived locally,

who said to me that the second episode, which was a lot of it was with a mental health foundation, she said that it had helped her reconnect with her partner who was going through a really tough time because he just lost his dad. And that same day, I remember having sold two homes and, you know, getting that boost of commission and paycheck through and looking at that, feeling that feeling, and then comparing it to how good and amazing and inspiring it felt to get this message, just a message from someone who had been moved, uplifted, inspired by a conversation that I'd hosted.

And I thought, far out, that's a feeling I do not want to forget. Like, I want to continue to feel that because it was a sense of service. Yeah. And, like, true purpose. And I remember connecting with that feeling. and I've gone on throughout the course of the last three years to have so many unique and diverse conversations with people who I likely would have never met

or being connected to without the podcast. And I think as teenagers, we're quite stubborn, right? We think that our problems are the only problems in the world and that our first world problems are the biggest problems and that everyone should handle their problems the way that we do and everyone should think the way that we think. And when you sit down in front of people, you can sense, feel their emotion, when you hear their story and recognize that everyone has lived

differently, you pretty quickly learn that life is far bigger than you, that you are literally a blip in a massive universe that is full of different people, different experiences and different stories. And in that understanding and in that development over the course of three years, I'm so, so proud of the man it's made out of me because I am far like I never understood the power of being vulnerable and now I literally lead into every conversation I have with this sense of desire to be vulnerable this understanding of my purpose this understanding of the fact that I want to do something to impact the people not only in my life but the people who tune into what I do and so I'm so proud and I think if you showed 18 year old Brad what 26 year old Brad was doing

he'd go, that's my dream life. Oh my gosh. And that's such a nice feeling. It's a nice feeling for me to even hear that, honestly. To hear that is so compelling to me. And I think such just, yeah, so profound and so compelling. And something that you said then that I think is such a motivator for me is that existential sense of your place in this universe and your place in this world.

sometimes we need to take a step back. I truly do believe this and understand that we are so small and understand that we are so tiny in the grand scheme of things. And by positioning ourselves, by being rational in that sense of understanding where we sit in the world, you're able to have so much more freedom and so much more, I would say so much more freedom and so much more authenticity and so much more. propensity for passion because you realize that what you do doesn't matter but what you do doesn't matter so you in those moments you're like really I get to make a choice here am I going to do something that like in this short time that I have really touches people and brings that connection and makes my life happier and better and deeper or am I going to do something because of

of material reasons or because I'm scared of judgment or because I'm scared of being held back by my illness or by what other people think or by my circumstances. So I do think that's an incredible reminder. I want to finish on this question because it's something I love to ask people who have amazing stories such as your own and something that I think is really valuable from learning or something that's really valuable to learn from people such as yourself. And that is what advice would you give to someone in your shoes? What advice would you give to someone with CF or someone who's been through the life transitions and the decisions that you've been through?

If you get the gift of today, which is waking up with air and your lungs and a heartbeat, then you have been given this incredible blessing. And I think we often look at the future and have these big desires, dreams, hopes, things that we want to achieve. But it's understanding that it all starts with today. And I would just encourage people to recognize that blessing and appreciate the fact that if you get tomorrow, you're even luckier than you are today. And so just don't look too far ahead and don't be too harsh on yourself for where you are now. because for so long I beat myself up about all the things that I wasn't doing or wasn't achieving and become insecure about the things that I wasn't when I compared myself to where other men at 26 were

or where other men at 20 were or 18, whatever stage of my life. And, you know, it's so easy to look at yourself and go, these are all the things that I'm not. But you're you for a reason. And I'm just going to drag this out a little bit longer because there's one thing that I want to repeat that I heard actually just an hour before we jumped on this. pod. I heard Chris Williamson, a guy that I've been really enjoying listening to at the moment, giving a TED talk. And he spoke about how, I think it's like a four trillion to one chance that you are born as you. And he spoke about how fascinating and incredible the odds of you being alive as you on this earth are. And he said, I often hear people talk about all these amazing

dreams and challenges and hopes they have for their life. But they always, striving to be like someone else if you're striving to be like someone else or you can ever be as average because if you are like everyone else who's doing what you want to do in that space then you're just going to be one of many the beauty of life is you get to be one of one because there is no one like you there is no other like you and as human beings we have to embrace that and the minute moment point in time in which i lent into who i was and accepted it for all of the challenges that i have all of the things that I'm not and just believe that you know what I am who I am and I should be proud of that and it has armed me with this incredible sense of appreciation and perspective that I have the power

to do great things in life and I'll just say to people stop comparing yourself to others look yourself in the mirror accept who you are and move forward and make an impact on your small corner of the world and that starts with the people in your life and if it inspires you to make bigger moves and have bigger impact, well, then that's amazing. But it all starts with you being proud of who you are. Yeah. I could not agree more. I think it's just such a,

I think that is just such a great statement and a great piece of advice. So inspiring, genuinely. I'm sitting here contemplating how I can impact my small corner, how I can be more like myself. I think we talked about this on, when I was on your show, the dangers of comparison,

specifically downward social comparison and how it can really put you in a bad space. So I completely agree with what you had to say there. I just want to say, thank you so much for coming on. That was personally, it felt like it was just us. And it is just us, but it's crazy to me that people are going to be listening to this because it did just move me so personally in this moment. So thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to come and speak to me.

Honestly, it's been such a pleasure, Jan. And, you know, when we met not too long ago now at Spotify HQ, I remember walking away with my partner, Sof, and just us speaking so positively about the connection we had with you because it felt so authentic. And I think, you know, they say birds of a feather flock together. And I think that night we connected on authenticity and the fact that we wanted to do good for the people

who tuned into our shows and whatever we do in this world. And it's just been such a blessing. and a pleasure to get to know you and to now connect on our shows. And I'm so moved by what you've been able to do. And the amazing things that are now happening for you with the psychology of your 20s, you deserve every little bit of it. And I'm just so blessed to be a part of the show's fabric now. And I hope that people have enjoyed this chat.

And, you know, if people want to continue to connect, you know, reach out to me, send me a message. Let me know whether you listen to this episode or not and what you loved about it. I just love having conversations with people. And, you know, I love hearing that this stuff has impacted and uplifted the people who tune in. Yeah, absolutely. All of Bradley's links will be in the description of this episode. They'll be on Instagram.

You should really go and listen to his show. Some of the most incredible conversations and interviews I've ever heard, you don't get enough credit for how vulnerable and candid you are and how talented you are at speaking and conversing with anyone. It's just such a, it's genuinely a gift. It's something that I think very few people have. So it was just so great to have you on. And a reminder that if you did enjoy this episode, please feel free to leave a five-star

review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your shows. It really helps the show to grow and reach new people and share this episode with a friend who you think might benefit from this conversation. I think it was such a valuable conversation. just for me and I already knew what we were going to talk about. So I'm sure that for them, it might be just as valuable. And if you want to get involved with the community, if you want to reach out, you have episode suggestions, follow us at that psychology podcast.

Bradley's links will be in the description of this episode. Please go and listen to a lot to talk about and follow him on Instagram, TikTok, everywhere. Thank you so much. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships and you will come out on the other side, a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO.% on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever.

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Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host, Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional

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But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice, Ms. Owens, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Alesspian. Michael Mancini. My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is love trapped. Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.

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