The Psychology of your 20s - 99. The myth of the 5-year plan

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

In our 20s we can often feel like we have to have a plan for our lives or a 5 year vision for where we want to be. This can cause us to be boxed in and blind to the surprises opportunities that life throws our way. The idea of a 5 year plan is a myth and in today's episode, we are going to break down why. From societal conventions of a 'good' life, the butterfly effect, the psychology behind impulsive decisions and goal setting and the need for a sense of control over the chaos of our 20s, we explore all that and more to uncover why your school counsellor was wrong and you DON'T need a five year plan for your life. Listen now. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite therapist and host Kear Games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn.

the hard way on the IHard radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier,

more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWO% on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends.

Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at it podcast. From 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 is big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it.

With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.

Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, you know the deal. It's great to have you here. Thank you for tuning in. Today, we're talking about the myth of the five-year plan. I feel like all of us have some idea of what this means, you know, this sense that we need to have some concrete vision for the next five years of our lives. We need to know what we're doing, what we're working towards, have some kind of goal. And it's my belief that, you know, This idea of having a five-year plan or even a 10-year plan is a complete myth. And today, I want to explain why.

Even if you don't consciously realize it, from a very young age, you have been sold a very narrow idea of what your life should look like. And part of that narrative is that you should have some sense of your life plan and where you see yourself in five to 10 years as early as your 20s. For some people, I think this checks out and they feel a sense of comfort in the stability of having a blueprint for their next steps and the next season of life. But I am of the mindset that our 20s are not for planning. They are for mistakes and they are for discovery and impulsive decisions and freedom. And the idea of a five-year plan really restricts that outlook for a number of reasons.

I think firstly, it sells us this lie that we can plan. for the future, which we can't. Life is full of uncertainty and change, especially during this decade. And although this can feel really big and scary, it also means that some of the most life-changing and best moments of your life are ahead. And they are going to change what you want and what your definition of success and happiness really is. You know, you may feel like you are on one path now, but let me just say, what you want. What you want. wanted at 18 when you perhaps made that decision, when you decided what to study at uni, when you decided what your career would be, that is very unlikely to be the same thing that

you're going to want at 25. There are so many things we can never foresee or plan for. So you really need to allow yourself room to be flexible. I think secondly, boxing ourselves in at such a young age can lead us to make very emotional, unrealistic goals that just ultimately leave us feeling like failures or on a path that we actually don't really desire. You know, this creates a lot of long-term dissatisfaction and discontent because a lot of our life plans are based on shoulds and not wants. You know, I should go to uni. I should know what I want to do by now.

I should own a home by 30. I should be looking to settle down. And I really disagree with that. I think that we need to give ourselves time to explore what we actually desire and want from our lives. And I think that is an incredibly beneficial and empowering part of our 20s. You know, at the end of the day, the five-year plan is a myth for so many reasons. And we're going to discuss all of them from the psychology behind societal conventions of a traditional life, the theoretical concept of the butterfly effect, smart versus hard goals, the just overall generational

shift towards a greater acceptance of alternative life paths and the psychological explanation for impulsive decisions. We really just have so much to cover today. This episode is ridiculous. There is just so much fascinating research and science and psychology. I'm really, I'm so excited to get into it. So for all of my lovely listeners out there questioning what they want, want from their future, where they're going to be in five years and trying desperately to plan out every single move and counter move and change. This episode is for you. We are going to break down all of the misconceptions about the five-year plan and so much more. So without further ado, let's get into it. All righty, let's start with our basics. For those of us who don't know what a five-year plan is,

Essentially, it's this idea of creating a map or an outline of the goals, professional and personal, that we want to meet in the next five years. It's very frequently used in organizational psychology and self-development as kind of a tool for essentially treating our lives like a checklist. You know, become a manager at 22, check, buy a big house, check, get married, check, all of those things. And it really pushes this narrative of a linear, cohesive ladder to success, whereby if we have an idea of where we want to be in five years, we can ultimately work backwards to create strategies and targets for ourselves. Interestingly, and a super weird history fact is that this concept of a five-year plan,

it actually came from Soviet Russia and communist China. I know that is super strange, but back in the like 1920s and 30s, essentially Stalin decided that he wanted to transform what was then the Soviet Union. So he created this infamous five-year plan of every small thing his country was going to achieve to become an industrial superpower. He had this vision of the next five years for this nation. And that is kind of what inspired the modern individual five-year plan. Literally Soviet Russia, so strange. But nowadays, obviously, it has a completely.

different meaning and this idea of being able to consciously and deliberately map out our lives has really begun to rise in popularity, especially around points of critical change, such as at the end of high school, the end of university and our mid-20s and early 30s, it rests on this belief that we can be forward-focused and create a timeline and steps around that timeline to achieve our goals. And the limits of this plan are really endless, you know, from planning out our finances to our professional goals, our career ambitions, timelines for promotions and huge life changes, like moving cities, having children, anything we strive towards in life, we can put down into this plan or agenda. And I remember when I was in high school, I had to do one of these. Like,

they seemed to be a favorite of school and career counselors. And we had to sit down with this diagram that was printed off from the internet and write down where we would go to university, what our dream job was, what city we would be living in when we were like 23. I think the people who are a big fan of this method, they really highlight the benefit of a plan, specifically one that is discrete, so five years or 10 years, for creating a vision of your life, increasing motivation, allowing us to stay aligned with our ambitions and ultimately leading a very happy, fulfilling life. And I won't deny there has been some research that has shown that having a sense of a plan may actually produce these outcomes, you know, in psychology, visualization and planning activities

are actually an evidence-based tool for increasing motivation and focus. There was also this really unique study conducted by the University of Melbourne. and they examined almost, I think it was like 4,000 people across 15 years, and they found that those who had clear-cut goals, both short and long-term, they were happier than those who didn't. You know, it makes sense, right? Like a plan or some sense of direction does prevent us from living aimlessly. But sometimes I think we can be too stubborn and inflexible if we begin to believe that we need to have everything

sorted and that we even know exactly what we want from our lives at such a young age in our 20s. I think also the sole premise of this idea is that we can plan for the future, which I think we all know we can't. No matter how hard you try, life is going to throw you some wild curveballs. And I think that's where the myth is contained. You don't need to plan out your whole life to be I think additionally, feeling like you need to stick by some plan or idea of success you had five years ago or even a year ago is such nonsense, especially in our 20s. I think the blessing of this decade is that you get to change and try new things. It's not all about progress and goal setting. But I do think that a lot of the pressure to have some sense of a five year or 10 year plan for

our lives comes from very traditional views and expectations that have been imposed by previous generations due to a deep perception of the conventional traditional way of doing things. I talk about the concept of a linear blueprint a lot, but I really do believe that a lot of what we desire in life actually comes from external influences rather than our own internal desires. For example, the desire to have a certain job, to be married by a certain age, to be a homeowner, to settle down, to live a structured and organized life, that is a very outdated blueprint that was created back when our worlds were a lot smaller, when travel was a lot more expensive, when job opportunities and career pathways were limited, when we often stayed in

the same place where we were born, when traditional gender roles were a lot of. more powerful and when we didn't have social media and the internet to see what was out there. And I think therefore the things that we were told to plan and expect for, they were limited in many ways and so were our lives. I think society still enforces this idea of a linear plan that doesn't really leave much room for spontaneity and variation. It can be very subtle. you know, think about all the recent headlines, basically like, scorning millennials for getting married later or for not being able to purchase homes because they are lazy or incapable of saving or, you know, for being selfish because we don't want to have children. That is literally a type of soft power that is subtly telling us what we should be doing and what we're doing wrong. and the persistence of this idea, I think it comes from a place of, I don't know, I think it comes

from a good place, right? Like previous generations don't really understand the new opportunities that we have and they are resting their ideas on a sense of security that is very outdated. But this persistence, this five-year plan idea, it really suggests that there is a single right place where we should all end up, there is a perfect timeline, there is a right level of status in life, the right kind of levels of accomplishment and everything that falls beyond that is is different and unconventional and strange and perhaps even dangerous as a result we're always going to be fixated on these milestones and this imaginary deadline around what needs to be achieved by when but I think this negates like I said the beauty of growth and change we should really

celebrate being able to change our minds and let life surprise us us, you know, embracing that experience rather than fearing it. Let me just also say, loud and clear, what you thought you wanted at 18 is not going to be what you want at 23 or 30. Absolutely, no way. When I was 18, I wanted to be a politician. I wanted to be like prime minister. And I had a five year plan. I even had a 10 year plan. And it involved, you know, getting perfect grades, graduating university by 22 with like a political science, and then I would get an internship and in five years time I would be a political staffer working my way up. That is ridiculous to me now because I have completely different ambitions.

And if I had stayed on that path, if I had adhered to my original five year plan, I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed out on this. And I can't really identify when things changed, but there is this idea called the butterfly effect that I think really explains that shift that a lot of us go through so well. So the butterfly effect, it's this theoretical concept, which suggests that a small, seemingly insignificant event or action

can have far-reaching and unpredictable consequences over time. So the saying is derived from like the metaphor of a butterfly, flapping its wings in one place and setting off a chain of events that eventually kind of leads to a tornado. And it highlights the idea that, Even minor actions or decisions can have profound and unanticipated effects. You know, you are on one path and then you take a university course that changes your entire perspective or you meet someone in passing, you have a chat with a friend, something pops up, some random

opportunity and that one small thing can completely alter your plans. And these things are so tiny and at times insignificant that we cannot plan for them. We cannot make them part of our five-year plan. And then they suddenly change everything. They guide us onto a new path. And you can consider them a sign from the universe or God or your subconscious, whatever you want to call it. All I'm saying is these smallest events can be life-changing.

And ignoring the urge or the inspiration they give you for the sake of some arbitrary goal or plan may actually be the worst choice of your life. You know, I think another part of this is, that regardless of where you'll think you'll end up, sometimes you will just have an impulse to try something different. And psychologically, this can be due to feelings of dissatisfaction and unconscious discontent or just the desire for novelty and excitement. You know, humans, we have this innate need for novelty and stimulation,

for thinking and doing things that are different and new. And when our lives become routine or monotonous, we may experience almost like this craving for change and a new experience to move to an entirely new country, to quit our jobs, to change career paths. And that could be the best decision you ever made. That could be the start of a whole new and improved life and future, one that is a lot better for you. But you're not going to know that unless you try. and that means breaking out of the convention of feeling like you need to plan for your future and you need a strict timeline for your life because I do believe that when you feel that spark, you do have a duty to chase it and a five-year plan or feeling like you are restricted

doesn't really leave room for spontaneity. The other reason and element of why I think the idea of a five-year plan is not only a myth, but kind of limiting is around the psychology of long-term goal setting. Five years is actually quite a long time. Not only can a lot happen that is unexpected, but I think additionally, sometimes we forget how simultaneously long and short that period is. As humans, we are not great at measuring time horizons,

and that can cause us to make unrealistic and superficial goals. And I think that is especially the case in our 20s. if you are in your early or mid-20s, five years ago, you were still a teenager. And that feels like a lifetime ago for many of us, but also five years before that, you were a literal child. We don't really know what five years feels like as an adult. We don't really have the hindsight, I guess, or the experience to know what we can actually accomplish in that time, to know what could happen. So we tend to go into making a plan for our lives with a lack of information, a lack of hindsight, I guess, but also an emotional bias, which causes us to create

very ambitious goals because, you know, the world is full of possibility and we don't really have an understanding of reality yet, but we don't also have an understanding of what we actually want because we haven't had the chance to fail and to try new things and to make mistakes. Let me give an example here that really, I think, puts this into perspective. maybe in five years you imagine yourself owning a home and working for yourself. That is a super admirable vision. That's what I want to do at least. And it's good to have something to work towards.

But at 22, 23, 24, we still have so much time for our lives to change. We don't really have a grasp yet of maybe where we want to settle down. We may not realize just how hard it is to be a homeowner, what that means for our flexibility and our ability to travel, what that means for our finances and our future, all we really think about is the light at the end of the tunnel, the really emotional, inspiring, grand ambition. Often that also means that the goals that we place into our five-year or 10-year plan are not structured in a way that is actually going to guide us. There's this distinction in psychology of smart versus hard goals. So smart is actually an accurate.

for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. These are the kinds of goals we should have, ones that are realistic, clearly defined, with a clear direction and focus, and also relevant. So relevancy here is important because who can say what goals we have now are going to be relevant for the life we want in five years. You know, everything is kind of up in the air a little bit in our 20s. That's a bit of a sidebar because regardless of that, I really do think smart goals are the way to go, but we often engage in a lot of delusional,

fantasy, emotional thinking in our 20s, and we can make what we call hard goals instead. So hard stands for heartfelt, animated, required, and difficult. These kinds of goals, they are still important, but they emphasize the kinds of ideas or visions we have that are very emotional and can be quite challenging. Both are important, but when we are smart about what we want, we prevent that delusional thinking, we are realistic, and I guess we don't set ourselves up to be putting ourselves on a timeline that is a lot of pressure or that's going to put us in a place that we don't actually want to be. I think when we absent mindingly concoct a plan for our lives without actually having concrete steps, we overestimate, exist.

exactly what we will be able to achieve. And these kinds of goals are very difficult to follow, resulting in kind of a sense of failure, but also a sense of pressure in the meantime. When we haven't actually failed, we've just let ourselves be flexible and we have embraced the twists and turns of life. You know, life is not static. It's never going to be the same. But also, I personally believe that our five-year plans, like I said before, have us focused on the shoulds and not the wants in life. You know, I should do things. I should have a long-term partner. I should have found my dream job instead of the wants. You know, I want to have time to explore. I want to travel. I want to try new things before settling. Our wants are normally not as celebrated as our

shoulds. And that's disappointing, especially as this generation becomes, I would say a lot more liberated and open-minded in their ideas of what constitutes a good life. So I really want to talk about that a bit more in just a second. Five-year plans and all structured thinking about the future is something I think in general needs to be avoided because we don't want to, like I said, box ourselves into one idea of happiness and the future that leaves us unresponsive to change and new goals and new ideas. I think in the past, as we described, our society has really reprimanded people who have gone against the fold in so many ways. But that is really changing these days, especially in this younger generation. The example I always think about, I don't know if you guys are on this

algorithm as well, but I'm always saying like these amazing, like, solo female travelers and like everyone is like hyping them up. There seems to be this like praise for people who are doing things that are against the norman there is such a revolt amongst this generation of working you know the same job for the rest of our lives and needing to do things a certain way like I really feel like the people in my life who I really admire the most of people who decide to change their minds like one of my friends is like upping her entire life moving to like an island off of Australia another one of this like moving to the UK she doesn't really have a plan she just like wants to do it.

And that's totally different to what she was doing before, like working in government. It's just nowadays I do think there is a greater acceptance because us Gen Zia's and millennials are really beginning to exhibit a shift in attitudes towards a traditional life and a life plan. I think for a number of reasons we have grown up in a very rapidly changing economic landscape marked by, you know, financial instability, job market fluctuations, the global financial crisis. You know, we've witnessed recessions. We've witnessed student loan debt and limited job opportunities. This exposure has really led us to question the traditional notion that a five-year plan is in some

ways going to protect us or make us feel more secure. We're just rejecting that blueprint. I think we also have a desire to explore and connect. and find meaningful work and experiences, which I think is a luxury that previous generations, particularly like our grandparents, didn't have. And that is so wonderful. And I want to see more of that, more freedom to actually figure yourself out before being tied down to some future that we felt like we had to decide for ourselves. Often when we were still in high school or like our very, very early 20s. But I'm also not saying, you know, go out and chase everything on a whim. Having some general sense of direction is always a good idea. You know, you should be constantly

revising that and exploring that and reflecting on what's going to make you happy. You know, I did a whole episode on building consistency because I think it's important. And I also think there are some people that just naturally thrive within structure and through planning. You know, the very colloquial term for these people in psychology is type A, people who like routine and to be organized and future focused and set goals for themselves. These people just naturally have a very different temperament. And I'm definitely one of these people or I used to be. I think in those situations and if you are that kind of person and you know that's your

personality, a five-year plan or any kind of blueprint or timeline brings a sense of security, especially to the chaos of our 20s, which I think is why we often have so much anxiety over the future and where it's going. And we kind of resort to feeling like we can plan out. Every single king can change and everything that we want to do. That provides this, I think, it provides a sense of security, but it's kind of a fantasy, right? I think it relieves and releases our anxiety in the moment, but that's like the only benefit, because very few of us will actually stick to that plan. And I think those of us who do might find that it actually is more restrictive than just feeling a little bit anxious or worried sometimes, you know, and there are certain

jobs that it is applicable for. You know, if you want to be a loyal, or a doctor, well, there are definitely some structured hoops that you need to get through. And you don't want to lose side of what may be a huge goal for you. I think also being able to visualize and map out your progress towards this end goal is highly valuable. But I think the better thing to do and the journey and the path to take that is more healthy and abundant and provides you more room for growth is to leave room for mistakes. stakes. When you think about the future, you might have a vision, but instead of focusing on what material things you'll have, what accomplishments you'll have achieved by then, think about how

you feel in that moment. Think about how you're going to feel in five years. Do you want to be someone who is happy and what does happiness look like for you in that moment? Does it look like peace and quiet? Or does it look like extroversion and excitement and socializing and networking? That is a better way to structure your goals rather than feeling like there are a series of hoops and checklists that you need to tick off if you're going to reach a future that you actually desire. You know, leave room for surprises. Reinforce that it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to do something different. Even if it's not what everyone else is doing, even if it's not what your parents told you you should do or society told you should do or you never thought you'd be doing.

sometimes that's where the greatest growth kind of happens. And a five-year plan, no five-year plan, ten-year plan, no plan at all. You know, my opinion, I do still think that you are going to be okay. We as a species are highly adaptive. We know how to survive. And at any point, you can get back onto a very concrete path, if that's the kind of path that you want, you know. I guess the message at the end of the day, the reason a five-year plan is a myth is because it doesn't allow for change.

And change is the biggest and most important element and characteristic of our 20s. So I really hope that if you're someone who is worrying about your future, trying very hard to contain or control every single circumstance, this episode has kind of helped you release some of that anxiety and be more comfortable with that uncertainty. You don't have to have everything sorted out. I definitely don't. I don't really know anyone in my life who does. So I just hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you learnt something as always. I always say this, but if there is someone in your life who needs to hear this, you should send it to them, send them a link, let them know that this is out there and maybe they should listen to it, obviously, only if you feel called to do so, but you could really help someone out. That's what I, that's what I always like to think.

And if you did enjoy today's episode, please feel free to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. It takes a couple of seconds. It really helps the show grow. It helps support me. And it would just be really nice. I read all of your reviews. They make me super, super happy. So thank you for those who have shown their support.

If you have an episode suggestion, please follow me at that psychology podcast. I get so many amazing ideas. I love to hear what some of our experiences are that maybe I'm not having, but that I can recognize in my friends or amongst other people in this generation. I often take your suggestions and turn them into full episodes. So please feel free to follow me over there, see what we're up to. And as always, we will be back later this week with another episode. Hey, what's good, y'all?

You're listening to Learn the Hardway with your favorite. therapist and hosts care games. This space is about black men's experiences, having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor? It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to. Listen to learn the hard way on the AHA radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. 2%. That's the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available.

I'm Michael Easter. I'm on my podcast, 2%. I break down the signs of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fulfilled, healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's TWA% on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands. I vowed. I will be his last target. He is not going to get away with this. He's going to get what he deserves. We always say that trust your girlfriends. Listen to the girlfriends. Trust me, babe.

On the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the Look Back at a podcast. That was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a year, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. With our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors.

Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s. 84 was a wild year. I mean, it was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.