The Rachel Cruze Show - 3 Best Marriage Tips We’ve Ever Received

Starting point is 00:00:05 So my husband, Winston, and I, we've been married for 15 years, and it feels like a solid chunk of time. But in the grand scheme of things, you know, we are still green, still learning about marriage every single day. And so today, I'm going to talk about three pieces of advice that we were given when it comes to money in marriage that really has helped us. So be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode with a friend. And just so you guys know, I'm always like a little hesitant to give like parenting advice and marriage advice because I think you can change a lot. and your opinions can change, and we do not have all the answers. So I always, like, kind of hesitate. But this was advice that was given to us, which honestly has helped us so much when we're looking at our money, but also other areas of our life. So the first piece of advice was the triangle

Starting point is 00:00:51 theory. So this is where when a problem comes up, it's you and your spouse versus the problem. So it's kind of like, looks like a triangle, right? So you and your spouse are at the bottom, and the problem is out there because it is so easy to make your spouse the enemy. We're like, what are you doing that? Why did you do that? But what's the actual problem that we're looking at? And so working together to identify the issue and to look out and be like, okay, that's the issue. So what do we do about that? And there is something really uniting about it. It takes some tries to get down to this theory for sure, once I are not perfect at it. But it does help because there is something about looking at an actual problem to help.

Starting point is 00:01:32 help find the solution to that problem versus looking at your spouse and being like, you have to fix this and fix that, or they're looking at you and being like, fix this, fix this, fix that. And whenever I've learned this from Dr. Don Deloney, you enter into conflict and you're saying, well, you, you, it never really goes right. It doesn't because the other person is really defensive. And so it's always about coming back to you. But looking at the problem together out there has helped so much. So the triangle theory, you know, as an example, it's like, okay, well, you know, one of you is like, okay, I'm going to come home from work at this time, but it never happens, right? And you're like, oh my gosh, you say that you're going to come home

Starting point is 00:02:10 at this time, but you're not. And it's always later. Like, can you just give me a heads up? So looking at that as time management is the problem. So what is going on that's causing either the communication not to happen or something at work that continues to come up or you're just not planning well, right? But making that the problem. Or if maybe, you know, the wife is overspending in a certain area, it's not like, oh my gosh, you're so irresponsible to you, you, you, no, let's look at overspending as the problem. Why is it the problem? Is it because maybe, you know, the budget that was set, the number that was set in that category is not realistic. Maybe that's the problem. Or maybe it is like, oh, yeah, I do just like to spend money and

Starting point is 00:02:49 sometimes I get out of control and I don't spend what we said we were going to. And so I need to be thinking through why I do that, right? So it's all of that. But the triangle theory I love. Number two is to ask yourself what needs fixing within you. So this takes a lot of humility on this end. But sometimes we can look at the other party with a lot of judgment and resentments and maybe some mistrust. But you have to realize, okay, all of that can be very true, very honest. But then also what is going on inside of you? Like what are things about you?

Starting point is 00:03:23 Because sometimes one spouse can take all the brunt of something. and there is something to say about, okay, is there anything within me that needs healing? And I can say, yes, we all do, we all do. And so there's something about that that's really uniting within couples. But again, it does take a lot of humility. But when it comes to differences in money, I see this a lot, where, like, if you're more of the nerd and you like things organized and all this, you can look at the free spirit and you're like, oh my gosh, they're so irresponsible.

Starting point is 00:03:51 What are they doing? They don't care about details. Like, oh, my gosh, they need to grow up, whatever, whatever. but you know, you can learn something from that free spirit. Mm-hmm. And the same, free spirit, you can learn something from the nerd. So we can always be looking to each other and knowing, okay, I can learn something from you because there's something in me that constantly needs to be learning and growing.

Starting point is 00:04:10 And so there's something really humble about that approach, which I love. All right, before I share more, I want to tell you about one of our amazing sponsors, Christian Healthcare Ministry. You guys health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. The wait times are longer, and it's harder than ever. to get anything approved. And if you feel like the system is working against you, try Christian healthcare ministries,

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Starting point is 00:04:49 so find out more and join at CHMistries.org slash budget. That's CHMistries.org slash budget. budgets. And the third thing that someone told us, and it was so true and so real, was to be radically honest and transparency. Dr. John Volone talks about how secrets will destroy relationships. And you can start to hold a grudge sometimes over something that maybe you just don't want to say or maybe you're thinking something. You have a fear, but you don't want to say it out loud. The more honest you can be with your spouse and the more open you are, yeah, there's a risk there because you could either be rejected in that, you know, or they may not be.

Starting point is 00:05:25 able to fulfill the thing that you're like, oh my gosh, I have this fear. Can you help me fix that? And if they can't, then what does that mean? Like, I don't know, there can be some back and forth there. There's a level of emotional risk. But if your spouse is someone that you trust and that you have respect for and you like, yeah, they can hold it. There's something about both of you, both parties coming in and saying, golly, I keep having this thought. I just want to say it out loud. Like, there's something about that that is so healthy and so cleansing. And sometimes you want to bring a third party in even, right? I love. love marriage counseling or therapy, I think it's fantastic. But the more honest and intimate you

Starting point is 00:06:01 can be emotionally with what's going on with you, the deeper connected you and your spouse are going to be. And you can take practice if you're a pretty guarded person, you know, that may not come natural to you. But there's something in that it's really beautiful. And there were older couples that told us that consistently. And then I feel like when we like really, that clicked and that happened, like something changes. And it's really, really beautiful. Now, I always have the caveat when we're talking about money and marriage or just marriage in general that you, Yeah, if something like really dysfunctional is going on, then bring in a third party. I mean, honestly, there is something about that that these tips can only take you so far.

Starting point is 00:06:34 If there's like really deep, painful work that needs to be done, do that, okay? So I always say that with the caveat. But if you and your spouse are continuing to wanting to grow and learn, you know, again, these are three things that have helped us throughout our marriage. And obviously don't have the perfect marriage by any means. But I am grateful that Winston does make me feel very heard and safe in conversations. and that is something that we have worked together and grown in, both of us having that. And again, not perfect at it, but it has helped over our 15 years of marriage. All right.

Starting point is 00:07:04 If you are, though, looking for a fun and memorable way to connect with your spouse and to get on the same page financially, make sure to check out our next money and marriage getaway. It is a great weekend where Dr. John Deloney and I dive deep into the subject of money and marriage, both of these, because together it can be very, very complicated. and we kind of scratched the surface just with this video. But it is a weekend away here in Nashville at Ramsey Solutions. And it is so fun, you guys. Like, I always use that word because it is.

Starting point is 00:07:33 Like, there is some heavy stuff, and we get into some really serious subjects. But overall, there's a beautiful thing about connecting with other people and knowing that you're not alone. And so if you want to check out the tickets, you can check it out down at the link. I'll put below and you can claim your spots. But there's a couple for sale right now,

Starting point is 00:07:51 and we are pumped and would love to see. you in Nashville. Now, when I think back on Wednesday night's early days, I wish we had known a thing or two about what not to do. But if you are there and you are newlyweds, make sure to check out my episode. Biggest mistakes newlyweds make in the first year. You can click right here or if you're listening on podcast, click the link below. All right, you guys, remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.

The Rachel Cruze Show - 3 Best Marriage Tips We’ve Ever Received

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