The Rachel Cruze Show - Do This Now to Avoid Money Problems in Your Marriage Later

Starting point is 00:00:05 So 41% of couples with debt say that they argue about money. But get this, 25% of couples who are debt-free say they still argue about money. So it kind of proves no matter your relationship or financial status, money is complicated, and it affects our relationships, specifically romantic relationships. So today, I'm telling you when, how, and why to talk about money with your significant other. And I'm also sharing four financial red flags to watch out for. if you're dating. So first, let's talk about the why. So as we mentioned earlier, like money is an issue in relationships. And so if you know that going in and knowing that it's one of the

Starting point is 00:00:45 leading causes of divorce in America today, you'll be like, okay, that's a problem. So we should probably talk about that. That's the why. So it's not that you're going to sit there and interrogate someone on your first date about finances, but it is to say, yeah, this is a big issue in life. And if we are dating and we are in a relationship or even if you're married, like we need to talk about the big things in life and money is one of those. Okay, so let's talk about the when. So it naturally, hopefully will come up in your dating relationship, especially if you see a future with someone.

Starting point is 00:01:16 If it's getting more serious over time, my prayer is that your relationship has a level of depth and commonality and that your conversations just aren't about the weather, right? You are actually talking about real life stuff because if you're thinking, yeah, this is probably going to be a partner for me for the rest of my life. like we need to talk about family. We need to talk about kids and discipline. We need to talk about spirituality. We need to talk about money, right?

Starting point is 00:01:39 So when is, I would say, yeah, as the relationship gets serious and if it hasn't been brought up, then it needs to. All right. Before we chat about financial red flags, here's how I would bring up the topic of money if it doesn't organically happen in conversation. Again, as the relationship's getting more serious, just to be like, hey, you know, there's some things like I don't know about you. like I would love to know X, Y, and Z, right? So I would love to know, like, how you see money. Like, I'd love to know what you think about debt. I would love to know, like, do you find security with money?

Starting point is 00:02:10 Like, do you want some savings? Like, how do you function with money? Do you feel like you're stressed with it? I don't know. Just be curious about this topic with the person. And again, I would say, as it goes later, the more specific, the better. So understanding, like, numbers. How much debt do they have?

Starting point is 00:02:26 How much money do they make? Like, all of those things should be transparent if you're getting to this point of getting engaged later on. And so be curious always, right? Ted Lassau, which I think it was a Walt Whitman quote originally. Be curious, not judgmental. And that's how I would approach it. And I would approach it, again, that same spirit with like your family.

Starting point is 00:02:44 Like, hey, I would love to know, like when you're growing up, like, what were your parents like, right? It's just this idea of curiosity about the person that you're with. By the way, if you are engaged or already married, FPU is something that every couple should go through together. Financial Peace University is our financial course that helps people get on the same page when it comes to money and your money habits and that you're working towards a financial goal together. So if you've not checked this out, it is like one of the best things that we have at Ramsey Solutions. I'll put a link down below so you guys can go through it together. All right, let's talk about some red flags, especially when you are dating. Red flag number one when it comes to money is that they avoid the topic of money at all costs. Like if they do not want to talk about it, that's a red flag. Because why? I want to know why? Is it because you're fearful about the subject? Are you embarrassed about it? Are you shameful about it? Do you kind of see it as like, this is my issue, not yours, which means they're

Starting point is 00:03:35 not going to be a great teammate later on in life? Like, if they just avoid talking about money, then that also means they're probably going to avoid talking about other things in life. And you're just not going to get to this commonality in the steps of your relationship that you need to be if you're going to be married to this person. So major red flag. Red flag number two is that their money beliefs or habits are extreme. So I talk about that people have money tendencies, right? So let's just, you know, we'll talk about spenders and savers, right? We all naturally are going to lean one way or the other.

Starting point is 00:04:03 I am a natural spender. Winston is a natural saver. So, like, that will always be there. But if I spent every dollar that I made in my paychecks and just spent, spent, spent, and even spent more than what I had, right? There's probably some red flags there of like, interesting. Can you not like raining in a little bit and like make sure that important things are covered, like food and like all of that, right?

Starting point is 00:04:23 If you're not wanting any, any level of margin in your life with money, because you have to spend everything you make, like, again, red flags. Maybe you're not making enough. Maybe there's not a large income coming in and your expenses are high. You know, that's one thing to, like, kind of talk through, okay, how do we adjust that? But if, again, if you are extreme on the side of spending, red flag, but I would also say the same is true with saving. If you have an extreme saver who lives their life with a scarcity mentality, they end up hoarding

Starting point is 00:04:50 money because, like, that is, like, that is their emotion towards money. It's like, I don't want to do anything. I just want to hoard, hoard, because they feel safe. to me, major red flag because they're going to be things in life that you're going to want to do. You're going to want to travel. You're going to want to go to a nice dinner eventually.

Starting point is 00:05:04 Like, right, you're going to want to do these things. And if they don't want to spend money, then there is something going on within them if it's that extreme. So again, we're going to have our tendencies, but the extreme side is what I would pay attention to. All right, real quick, let's talk about a major green flag

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Starting point is 00:05:56 or click the link in the description. Red flag number three is they don't have a spirit of generosity. So generosity is something that I would be looking towards. And again, this isn't like they're giving, you know, everyone a dollar that's asking. Like, I'm not talking about that. But there's like this level of like, hey, I'm going to take care of this person. Or like, you had a great waiter, waitress at a restaurant. It's like, hey, I'm going to give them an extra tip here.

Starting point is 00:06:19 Or, hey, I'm going to help out my friend because they're moving. And so Saturday morning I'm going to be with them helping them. Like whatever the idea is of selflessness, it's a beautiful attribute to have, especially if you're going to be married to that person. Because working together and serving each other, I think is such a key part in a happy relationship and a happy marriage. And if someone is not being generous, and I would say even with their money, I would have a little bit of a red flag and know why.

Starting point is 00:06:45 Like, what is going on? Because it ends up being a heart issue. And as you start winning with money, like that part of you is magnified. And so if they are not someone that is, you know, you know, you know, you're going to be. giving and serving, again, with money, with their time and conversation even, with other people and seeing people and valuing people. Like, if that isn't their spirit, I would have a red flag. And then the last red flag is that your values don't align. So when it comes to handling money, again, you both have to come to the table and understand, like, you both are going to have

Starting point is 00:07:14 values around it. And if those values are different, then it's going to be a lot of budding heads. And now you can go about these values differently. Again, I am a, experience person. Winston loves buying actual stuff. I love, you know, the quantity of things. He likes the quality. Like, we're going to have different tendencies, but do your values align? You know, your everyday lifestyle, your future planning, retirement, kids, how much you want to travel, how much you want to be giving? Like, all of these things that we look at as values, do they align? And if they don't, then, again, it's going to be really, really tough. So, you know, living debt-free, I think is one that I've heard a lot of people talk about.

Starting point is 00:07:54 And if someone, like, doesn't care about that and they're great going into debt for, you know, their business or, you know, living on credit cards or like whatever it is that doesn't bother them, that is going to cause a restlessness within you if you are someone that values a debt-free life. And that's going to end up again crossing those lines. It's going to be really, really hard to navigate. So I would make sure your values align. Now, one bonus tip is to remember that when it comes to money, opposites attract. So we talked about this. You're going to be different. And that's not bad.

Starting point is 00:08:23 But again, the values, the communication, all of that needs to be aligned. Now, we've covered a lot today, which has been so great. But one thing we did not talk about is my controversial stance on combining finances. So click here if you want to check that out or if you're listening on podcasts, click the link below. All right, you guys, remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.

The Rachel Cruze Show - Do This Now to Avoid Money Problems in Your Marriage Later

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