The Rachel Cruze Show - Don’t Let Your Parents’ Money Mistakes Stress You Out

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

Your parents’ money choices will affect you in one way or another, but talking to them about it can be hard. Maybe the very thought of having that conversation intimidates you, or maybe you’ve tried before and it didn’t go well. So in the latest episode of The Rachel Cruze Show, you’ll learn: Four key questions to ask your parents right now about their finances A step-by-step plan for getting your parents and your whole family on the same page when it comes to money How to deepen your relationship with aging parents and create memorable moments with them that will stay with you forever Show Notes Page Will Prep Checklist 5-Minute Coverage Checkup Zander Insurance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We didn't know what my parents' situation is just a whole bunch of uncertainty. You want to be able to say and communicate your parents, hey, this is me wanting to take care of you guys and pass on your legacy. Nobody likes having these conversations, but if you love your family, sit down with them. When money is not talked about communicated, that it adds a level of stress. I have the comfort of knowing I'm doing exactly what my dad wanted to do. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of The Rachel Cruise Show podcast. I am so glad that you're here. I'm excited about this show today because it's kind of a different topic and it's one that we actually brought up in a team meeting and we all were like, yeah, I guess we should probably touch on this. And then we went into my Facebook group and just asked around, you know, kind of some questions around this topic and everyone jumped in. It was like a hot button. And so I realized, okay, I have got to do an episode on this. So this episode is, you know, all about how to talk to your parents about money for a couple of reasons. But the main one is

because if something were to happen to them, making sure that everything is clearly communicated. So this episode, we're going to talk all about how to have those conversations, how to approach it in an appropriate way, and just some tips for you to help your parents when it comes to their money. So I hope you find some of this information really informative. And hopefully you can take these tools and actually apply it to your life in your situation. So take a listen. All right, this might be news to you, but your parents are older than you are. Yes, that's right. And because of that reality, you need to know some things about their financial situation. And this is for a couple of reasons. Because number one, your parents and their age group, they're more likely to be scammed than any other age group. Yes. So if you're seeing commercials with an actor from the 80s or the 90s trying to sell you something, that means you probably don't need to buy it. but yet people are suckered in all the time. And number two, their financial decisions will impact you one way or the other.

So like I said, this is a little bit of a different episode topic, but it's a really important one. Because I know for me, I looked at my dad the other day, and I was like, man, he doesn't have as much hair as he used to. True fact, Dave Ramsey's a little bald, getting a little gray. And so I was reminded to the fact that, yeah, my parents are getting older. But thankfully, these conversations with my parents have come easy because as a Ramsey family, we do this a lot. So we've had a lot of practice in the Ramsey family to talk about when Dave and Sharon Ramsey leave the earth.

Yes, it's kind of morbid, but it's true. It's probably because of our unique situation with business and all of that. And the fact that my dad talks about these subjects all the time. And so he's taken a big personal responsibility to making sure that. but us as kids are taking care of and that we know exactly what is going on. And so, again, from a high level, as the Ramsey family, we sit down once a year and we talk through everything, everything from investments, their wishes, what were to happen, who gets what, it is all said out loud. But again, it became such a normal conversation. And for that,

I really, really am thankful. I'm thankful that my parents took the lead on this conversation, and I'm thankful that it's all been communicated. And so what I want is for you all to experience the same thing. Again, it may not be a yearly conversation. You may not have it as frequently as we do in the Ramsey family, but I want you and your parents to be on the same page. And so figuring out what you need to know from your parents is a really important one. So there are really four key questions that everyone needs to ask their parents. So we're going to talk about the how to later on with Tessa and our call. But for now, here are a few questions that you need to know. Number one, you need to ask them about a will.

Okay, a will is a legal document that states what happens to your things when you die. So this is something that you need to ask your parents if they have, because this will ensure that their wishes are honored, and it helps avoid unnecessary conflict between family members. It takes about 20 minutes to create a will, so if you've not done one for yourself, you need to do it, and you need to make sure that your parents have one. and to make the process super easy, I have a checklist for you, which you can get in the show notes.

Now, everything we're going to cover will be there as well. Number two, you need to know if they have long-term care insurance. This is huge. This pays for assisted living or home care when your parents can't take care of themselves. So we recommend buying this by age 60 years old. And this is an absolute must if your parents haven't, especially if they haven't put anything away for retirement. Because if something happens to them and they have to be put in a home, again, or they have care come into the home, you're paying for it at that point if they do not

have this. I even talked to a family friend, and they did this about seven years ago, their parents didn't have the ability to pay for their own insurance. So the kids all got together and said, okay, well, we're going to do this for mom and dad. Fast forward a few years, his dad has passed away. His mom now has an in-house nurse 24-7, and it's all paid for by the insurance. Again, his mom didn't pay for the insurance because she didn't have the ability to, but as the they did. I'm not saying that's something you have to do, but look at that and really think about the seriousness of the situation. This is a must. Number three, you want to know about their overall debt picture. Do they have debt? What type of debt do they have? Like, you need to know everything about

this because when they pass away, what they own minus what they owe comes into play. And this could even affect possibly if you have an inheritance being passed down to you. Also, if your name is on any of the their debts, if you have co-signed, then you are liable. Your expectations may be one thing, and their debt and their reality may be another. This is not a selfish conversation to have. This is so that everyone is on the same page. And fourth, finally, you and them, they need term life insurance. Term life insurance is a policy you take out in the event that if something happens to you, your family gets a specific amount of money that you've previously decided on, and we recommend getting 10 to 12 times your annual income.

This will ensure that anyone who has depended upon your income is taken care of, which is a must for families, especially younger families. Now, do not confuse whole life insurance with term life insurance. Term life insurance is what you need, and it's a fraction of the cost, and it's much more affordable than you think. Okay, I know all this can seem really complicated, or you may not even know where to start, so I recommend Zander Insurance.

They make everything really easy for you, and they do all the work. Just make a simple phone call with Xander, and they will get you started immediately. They will walk you through every step and shop all the carriers to get you the best rates. So make sure to visit zander.com to get started. To get all my recommendations on all these topics,

I've left a link in the show notes to make it as easy for you as possible. All right, now I want to get into some things that your parents don't need, but you're going to see a lot of TV commercials for them telling you that they need this and that they need this, and they may believe it, but we don't want this because they can lose a lot of money,

because a lot of these are scams. So, first and foremost, reverse mortgages. No, no, no. Do not take out a reverse mortgage. You're going in reverse the opposite way. You do not want that. Gold and silver. They prey on the fear of the markets when you watch these commercials.

Like, we're all going down and we're all going to become bankrupt tomorrow if we don't have gold. And what's so funny to me when people invest in commodity, like gold and silver, is like, okay, so say the economy does collapse, what are we going to trade for? What are we going to barter for? Food, shelter, not like little gold bars. So it doesn't really make sense for me. So yeah, gold bars, silver, don't do it, invest in the market. Again, real estate, all the things, not gold and silver. Accidental death insurance. You do not need this because it doesn't matter how you die. If you die by accident or not, you've died. So you're not

going to die twice, so don't pay insurance for it. Mortgage protection insurance. Okay, you don't need this because hopefully your parents are starting to pay down their mortgage. If they still have a mortgage, life insurance will cover the rest. Prepaid funerals, don't do this. People put money into this. If you had invested that money instead of prepaying for your funeral, what you would have made on that investment, you could have buried King Tut with, okay? Don't do it. And cancer insurance. Now, the majority of health insurance plans cover this. If yours doesn't, then you may want to look at a different coverage, but don't take out an extra insurance for cancer insurance. So, I know this is a lot of stuff to take in. So we've made a five-minute checkup that you and your parents need to make

sure you have everything that's covered. So click the link in the show notes for that. Okay, so since I've given you guys all these tips, and I said earlier in the show about how the Facebook group kind of just like blew up with questions and situations, I thought, man, it'd be so fun to get someone on the phone and actually navigate their situation. And hopefully my advice could help them and you all listening can learn from them. So you're about to hear from Tessa and I gave her a call and her situation is pretty normal. She has a great relationship with her parents. But navigating the topic of money is always a sticky one. So listen in and hopefully some of my tips help you guys as well. Hey Tessa, I hope you're doing well. Thanks for coming on. Yes, thank you so much.

Okay, so tell me a little bit about your question and your situation overall with your parents. Okay, so my husband and I, from 2013 to 2014, worked our debt snowball and got out of debt. It took us about 18 months. And so once we did all of that, we kind of looked up and realized that not everyone lives debt-free and that we were not normal. And so... It's a realization a lot of people have, I feel like. And so we didn't know what my parents' situation is as far as what their dead is, what's left behind in their will, should that situation arise, and just a whole bunch of uncertainty as far as what will play out. Absolutely. So have they ever breached the conversation with you all?

Like, what's the furthest you guys have gone in conversation when it comes to money? I'm sure you shared your story and you guys getting out of debt, so I know they probably know that part. But like, have they opened any kind of door? Or is that even an open avenue to talk about money, even from your ends with them? It's kind of kind of like touch and go, like it might come up, but it doesn't necessarily always evolve into the deep discussion of, well, what are the numbers? What are the exact types of debt? Yeah. Okay. So a way to approach this conversation for you or anyone listening who doesn't have these online. ongoing conversations with their parents is, first and foremost, we call this the powdered butt syndrome. Meaning, if someone has powdered your butt, they do not want your advice on sex or money.

So, like, that's the lay of the land, which means this is going to be awkward. Because in a normal reality, you would think the rules are very much reversed, right? The parent takes care of the child, but now you're an adult and that conversation hasn't happened. So I think when you sit down to have this conversation, because it is going to have to be a sit down, you can't, kind of go around the edges and kind of pick up pieces along the way, but it's better just to sit down and just have a frank conversation and own it. Number two, you definitely want to present quickly as they start to realize you're going to be talking about money and their money, is that you're not having this conversation because you want their money. Some people are,

you know, some parents can be sitting here being like, who is this kid? You know, what are they wanting? Why are they so interested in my will and my investments? It's to say, okay, this is not about me getting your money. By the means, this is me wanting to take care of you guys and pass on your legacy as well as possible. And do you have siblings? I do. Yes. Two. Two younger. Okay. And so your parents need to realize that 100% of the time, I mean, guaranteed 100% of the time, when things are not communicated before a death, stress and fighting start to occur among siblings because no one knows what to do. And so you want to be able to say and communicate to your parents, this is for the betterment, even of the relationship of your kids. Like, we want to do this for you.

And so with the will, like, let's talk about it. And I'll be here to help you. I can be a resource. Like, you know, use me and let's walk through this together. So that's one big thing to realize. And then also just talk about just their overall financial situation, right? Talk about their debt level. Talk about their income. Know if they have investments. So they have a 401k. Your mom, did I hear she's a teacher? Yes. Okay. So she may have stuff, you know, involved with that. like figure out their entire financial situation. But the two big things for your benefit, again, as the child is going to be the will and the long-term care insurance for sure.

And so my hope would be that this would be a continued conversation. And the more you guys have this conversation, the more normal it becomes. It really does, right? It takes like the scary monster and it reveals it into the light. And you're like, okay, it's not as scary as I thought. And so you guys, what's your relationship like now? Very good. Very involved with my kids. They, you know, watch them for date nights and that kind of thing. That's great. Very involved.

So that's, I think that that's even more encouraging knowing the current relationship, because dependent upon that is, you know, how well these kind of conversations can go. Well, thanks, Tessa, so much for coming on and just being willing to share your story because so many people are in your boat. So I really, really appreciate it. Yes. Thank you. Okay, I hope that conversation with Tessa helped you all and gave you some ideas of how to navigate these conversations with your parents. Okay, coming up next, I am bringing on a family friend and pastor Mike Glenn, who recently wrote a book about navigating some of these conversations and taking care of aging parents with dementia. So you're going to hear some of his personal story. And then I took advantage of having a pastor who was there with me, who pastors is a massive church, to really talk about some of the situations that he has seen.

personally with other families when it comes to money. So I hope you guys enjoy this conversation. Pastor Mike Glenn. Hello, Rachel. Thanks for being on. Well, thank you for having me. So fun. Okay, so you're the pastor, Brooklyn Baptist Church here in Nashville. Massive Church. How many members do you guys have? 12,000 or so is our bragging number. Our bragging number. So good. And you just came out with a great book, which I loved

coffee with mom. So tell me a little bit about it. For 2014, we moved my mom up here. She'd been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and dementia and moved up here so we could take care of her. And this is the story of it came out of me stopping by most every morning and having coffee with her. And that was the way I would start my day. And some of our conversations and what we ended up dealing with are part of what made that book. I love it. And she passed away.

She passed away this past July. Okay, okay. And one of the hardest things of the book, as we started writing, writing the book, then I had to go back and put everything past tense. Yes. And that was a different kind of grief. Yep, absolutely. Having to go back.

And grief is, it's a part of, I mean, everyone experiences it on some level in their life. And as a pastor of obviously a massive church, part of your job is walking with people through the good times, or the bad times. And so I'm curious, because you've walked with, I'm sure, hundreds, maybe in thousands of families through the grief process. But have you found, or have you been in conversations? around the idea that when money is not handled properly, when things are not talked about and communicated, that it adds a level of stress to families through that process?

I've become somewhat of a zealot on this part. My family was really fortunate. Dad was very successful in his work. We had the assets we needed to take care of mom. Dad and I were able to have long conversations about exactly how he wanted things handled. So I had the comfort of knowing I'm doing exactly what my dad wanted to do. To the point that I tease people that I'm the only man's going to have two votes to get in heaven. That Jesus is going to say, well done. Then my dad's going to step around and go, well, hold on. I left the boy's instructions.

Did he do what he needs to do? Yeah, did he do what I ask him to do? And so the choices you have to make when you're walking through that are never easy. Yeah. And if you put your family in a situation where nobody, knows. They think they know. There was maybe a conversation where you might have said something offhandedly. Nobody likes having these conversations, but honestly, if you love your family, sit down with them, write it down. Here's how I want these things handled. Everything from the

living will to the will of how you want your property taken care of, to who's in charge of what, When? Yep. So that when they call you on Saturday morning at 6.30, which is when we got the call and said, and they said, do not come here. Go to the emergency room. It's like stepping on a landmine. I mean, you're fine one morning and one moment, and then it's click boom.

And your whole world blows up. Sure, sure. So now I'm to the point where, you know, I've sat down with my boys and said, here's the notebook. Something happens to me. You walk in my office. you grab this notebook and here's everything you need. So good. Because it just removes totally that extra layer of stress in it.

You don't have the capacity to make decisions. And it's like one more drop that just sends you over the edge. That's so good. So that's kind of like the money responsibility part. But people, if someone's watching and they're walking through grief, how would you help someone grieve well, just in general? So the big thing I would tell people is, one, it's going to happen. You're going to grieve.

Give yourself time, give yourself permission, and don't rush through it. I found out keeping a journal helps. Okay. Because these thoughts walk around in your head and they won't sit down because they're afraid you're going to forget them. But if you write them down, then they'll relax. And you can go back and read it in your mind to say, okay, you've written that down. Now we'll go back and look at it. Look for those things that you write about a lot.

It's good. The themes throughout it. Yeah, the themes. So tell me about that. We've talked about journaling on the show before. and just the power of almost even your subconscious thoughts sometimes just flow out as you're writing. So, like, yeah, what have you seen in that that's helped? You'll go back and tell the same story again and again and again.

And so when you see that two or three times in your journal, then go back and say, okay, what was it about that moment that I'm trying to hold on to, that I'm not ready to let go of, what have I not thought through, understood, so I can grieve it and release it. That's good. So, so good, Mike. and those memories in having that and be able to document, whether it's through journaling, through memory, and even for you, the book, having it in here.

I mean, it is. It's powerful. And so while we have fun on this show 100 percent and we enjoy our life and there's things to do, there are these topics that are hard to talk about, but it's important one to open up the door and to find a resource in your life, whether it is a pastor, whether it is a friend, a counselor, to walk through those. Because it is an important topic. It's going to love your mom now.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. So good. Okay. Coffee with mom. Coffee with mom. Mike Glenn, and where can people pick it up? Anywhere books or soda. Awesome. Awesome. Thanks, Mike. All right. Thank you. Great wisdom. Thank you. Great to be here. Thank you. All right. Thanks for hanging in there with me. These topics can be kind of sad and hard, but again, it's such important conversations to have. And I know those stuff is actually going to help you and your parents find freedom with money. So a big thanks to Pastor Mike Glenn for coming on and sharing with us and to test.

for coming on and sharing her story. Now, to get access to everything that we talked about in today's episode because there was a lot, make sure to click the link in the show notes. And if you've not yet subscribed to this podcast, make sure you do that as well. And if the spirit leads, you can leave a review as well. Well, I am so thankful that you guys listened. And again, my hope for these podcasts are always that you take away some information that will help not just inspire you, but also give you the information to change.

your life. So as always, be sure to take control of your money and create a life you love. So if you guys enjoyed this podcast, we have more from the Ramsey Network, like The Ken Coleman Show. According to a recent Gallup poll, nearly 70% of Americans are disengaged at work. If you dread going into work every Monday morning and you're just trying to make it to the weekend, the Ken Coleman show is for you. Everyone has a sweet spot. Your sweet spot is at the intersection of your greatest talent and greatest passion. We will help you discover what it is you were born to do and then will help you create a plan to make your dream job a reality. You matter and you have what it takes. Join the conversation on the Ken Coleman Show. To hear full episodes, just search

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