The Rachel Cruze Show - Dr. John Delony and I Answer Your Questions About Money and Marriage

Episode Date: February 18, 2026

❤️ Connect with your spouse at the Money and Marriage Getaway. Grab your tickets today!   Dr. John Delony and I are answering your unfiltered questions about money, marriage and everything in between—from conflict and communication to retirement and parenting. This episode is full of practical wisdom to help you and your spouse build a stronger marriage on purpose. Next Steps:  🎥 Watch my video Money Lessons We’ve Learned in 15 Years of Marriage (With Winston Cruze). 📈Are you on track with the Baby Steps? Get a free personalized plan. 💵 Start your free budget today. Download the EveryDollar app! 🛳️ Set sail with Rachel on the Live Like No One Else Cruise! Book your cabin today.   Connect With Our Sponsors: Learn more about Christian Healthcare Ministries. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Go to FAIRWINDS Credit Union for an exclusive account bundle!   Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 🎙️ The Ramsey Show  💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, for today, I have one of my good friends, Dr. John Deloney, on the show. And if you listen to his show or follow him on social media, you know he has such a knowledge-based when it comes to relationships and marriage and mental health. So whenever he's on the show, it's always a good time, always interesting conversation. So I can't wait for you to see it. Here it is. Well, hey, John. What's up, Rachel? Welcome back.

Thank you. Thanks for being here. So John and I do an event as of now twice a year. and we've been doing that for a few years now called Money and Marriage. And I think it's one of our most fun events that we do. And couples from all over the country, they, or the world. I think we've had some Canadians, you know? We've had people from all over the planet, not just Canadians.

But I think all of them. And we spend a weekend with these couples and you really get to know an audience well. Like when you spend a weekend with them and we do a lot of open Q&A's, It always amazes me what people will ask in public. Like, the trust built in that room is so intense, and they're just going to put it out there. Yes, it's so great. And the Q&A is, like, one of the best parts of the whole weekend. So we do so many great segments, but that's probably one of the best.

And so we also have an anonymous Q&A where people will submit these cards. And, I mean, I don't want to exaggerate, but hundreds of these get submitted. Jillions. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot. And so our team, we can't get to them all, obviously. So I wanted you back on the show, and I just thought, well, it would be fun to get to some of these questions that we did not get to in money and marriage because we just had one last weekend. Let's do it.

Which was so fun. And so it's everything from money, marriage, parenting, all of it. So we're going to just dive in. Okay, John, first question. How do we maintain a united front with our teenager when I think that my husband is wrong in the moment? I'd love to get your insights on this. My first thought is if there's something to do with safety, I'm going to always get involved. Yes, that's a great point.

And I'm going to get in between any adult, whether it's my wife or my friend, any adult who's hurting my kid physically or I would go as far as to say psychologically. Yeah, verbally. Right. Because kids need adults in their lives to protect them, right? If it is a disagreement, if it is a, I'm annoyed by, my wife. My wife tells me a lot, I sound like her dad sometimes when I'm talking to our kids. Oh, funny. Yeah, yeah. And it just brings this thing up in her.

Yep. I think it's always best for somebody to say, hey, I'm going to stop this conversation, and then we're going to talk offline with the values conversations, and then we'll come back United together. Yes, yep. You know, I use that line a lot with my kids is because in the moment they'll be like, well, dad said this. And I'm like, okay, well, if dad said that, we're going to go with that.

You can't go to the friend's house today, or whatever it looks like. But I'll talk to Dad later tonight and let us figure out X, Y, and C. Like, I do always will, like, put it off sometimes and to say, like, we'll come back to it. But, again, ours is more like, can we go to our neighbor's house and play? Sure. Or, Dad said we could have ice cream tonight. Yes. And I didn't know that my wife had already given pancakes for breakfast and, you know, don't through it after lunch.

I didn't know. So ice cream it is, but you only get two scoops, and then me and her will talk. Yes. Like, I'm going to shoot you a text if I've sugared up the kids. and or you get home and all you do is you want to be the fun dad and you want to give everybody ice cream. So those are good conversations to have off the off-wise. Yes, yeah. So the non-urgent in the moment situations, it's totally fine to bypass and go over.

Okay. What's the best way to apologize to your spouse? There's two magic words you can say. I'm sorry. All right. I think apologizing or no is best when it's sincere, when it's very clear, and when I am owning. not the way my action made you feel, but what I actually did. Yes.

So there's something about apologizing when it's like, well, I'm sorry that when I did the right thing, you felt bad. Like, that's not an apology. Totally, totally. I'm sorry, you cried. Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's something about genuine and being truly sorry, a true apology means I'm going to commit to at least evaluating doing something different next time.

Yes, yes. And so there's a level of humility there. Yeah. And I think the communication of the change of like next time, this is what I want to do differently. I think that's huge. Here's one more thing. It comes to an apology. If you're married, it's my job to apologize in a language that you can hear.

And so that means I have to know you well enough to know. I have to know context. I have to have time and place. Sometimes an apology at a party is, right? Totally. And then we'll have a further conversation later, right? or sometimes it's like, you know, like it can be small inside, inside, like communication. But yeah, go with that.

That's good. I love it. How much money should we have if we want to retire ASAP, 59 and a half, which is when you can get into your retirement accounts? I mean, it's a very, it's going to have, you're going to have a specific number for a specific situation. I mean, figuring out how much it takes for you to live off of. And to know, too, that your bills do change over two.

time. So whether that's, whether that's you getting money back because you paid off your house, and so you don't have a mortgage payment, or the health bills kick up. So just always know that, like, if you are 35 and you're like, I want to retire at 59 and a half, coming up with a number right now, it's good to do just to have an overall view, but you have to know, like, that's going to change drastically, drastically, whether you get like a huge raise in the next five years and your lifestyle increases, that number you had at 35 is probably going to be very different than what you had at 45. So just know there's some flexibility. but you have to be able to, in a perfect world,

not touch the nest egg of your investments, but you're living off of, and we'll have enough for it to grow off of the growth. And so that's the ideal is if you don't have to touch the nest egg, that's like a perfect place to be, because then you will have the ability to leave some inheritance, something to your kids, right, to be changing their family tree from a financial perspective,

but also to know that you kind of have that padding. And you taught me this, and I've used this, with a couple of colleagues, that retirement is a number. I had a colleague that we worked together at the university, and they called a few years ago, and she said, hey, I want to let you know, I'm retiring. And I've known her for years. Yeah.

And my first question, with a smile, was like, can you afford to retire? Totally. And there was a long pause. And I realized in that pause, oh, you haven't even, you just got to an age and you're like, I'm good. I retire now. I'm calling it.

Totally, totally. Yeah, yeah. So it is a math problem, right? Do I have enough money to pay my expenses and to do the things I want to do? Yes. To deal with the curveballs at life is going to throw this. Yeah. But I love that.

Like retirement is a number. Yes. And we actually just had a Q&A last weekend and Ken Coleman joined us. And talking about what retirement does to, like, even your physical body, you're like, it's not checking out. No, it's going to a thing. Yes, you have to. Like, there's a whole psychology of taking. care of yourself in those days. And again, if you're 30 years old and you're like,

I want to retire at 55, you think, oh, I just can't wait to not work, right? Or whatever the thing is that's getting you there. But you age so, so quickly from a physical, a mental, yes, if you just sit back and watch like cable news all day. Like, you can't do that. Like, you have to be still moving and doing something with your life. It could be grandkids, volunteering. Yes, all of it. Whatever it is. That's right. Go to a thing. Absolutely. If you're looking for a more budget-friendly way to handle medical costs, and stay true to your values, Christian Health Care Ministries is a great option to think about. CHM isn't insurance. It's a biblical community-based way that Christians share each other's medical

bills. So that means no network restrictions, no enrollment deadlines, and more flexibility, which is huge if you're self-employed or between jobs. Families often save hundreds of dollars a month, and that kind of margin can give you some breathing room while you're working the baby steps. So learn more at CHministries.org slash budget. Question number four, my husband and I are excited about everything in marriage except sharing money. What's the best tools to get us started and to feel more secure? That's like saying, I don't cheat at anything except on my taxes, right?

Except for one thing. Yeah, that's a big thing. I know, yeah, it is a huge thing. I think because money reveals so much of who we are. And if I'm not excited to enter into that part of my life with you as my spouse, like, that should be a red flag. So I think there's a lot of deeper questions to ask there, right? Because it's not just like, oh, I just don't want to share my paycheck with you.

Like, there's deeper reasons there, usually for people. In my house, I was reluctant to share. My wife was reluctant to share. But that had nothing to do with our trust. It had to do with the childhoods that we came from. And we didn't even realize we had brought that into, our marriage, right? Like my insecurity around having enough and her insecurity about who's in charge, right? And so it was really just a light on the dashboard to a deeper conversation we need to have,

which is I need to be able to say, hey, I'm scared about not ever having enough for us. Or I want full control. And I, like, that's my thing. Like, you know, yeah, yeah. And so it usually reveals the deeper question, which is, what is it about you that makes me or my body feel that you're unsafe to share my money with. Yeah. That's the question that we need to get to. 100%. What age will you allow your kids to have a smartphone?

I can tell you what we did in our house. Yeah, you're in it. I'm in a few years behind. So we were opposed all the way. Like, you're going to get out of my house 18 years old, then you can go and you can have a smartphone. Well, you're going to go 18. No, that was my original plan.

Okay, okay. And my son was in eighth grade. Okay. In the fall of his eighth grade year, when he called a family meeting. which we do regularly in our house. And he made a very compelling case for at least, dad, you had a phone on the wall with a spirally cord that you could call your friends. This is the only way I have to communicate with anybody. And as soon as I leave school, I miss every birthday.

I miss baseball practice. I miss everything because everything is through this thing. And so you can tell my wife and I are nerds, but we had him prepare a presentation for us on what a phone would be. what it would look like, how he would use it. And then we put our rules and restrictions on it. So for Christmas that year, he got a used smartphone, but we took off the Internet and we took off any ability to take photos, which are the two things, in my experience,

that have gotten the teenagers I've worked with in the most trouble. Things are so funny when you're 14 to take a picture of. They are not great for a future employer, right? Right. So, and now he's about to be driving. And those same restrictions apply. And call us invasive. We do tell him, we read your text. It's our job to know it's coming and going in our house. I do want to know who he's messaging and why and how and when. And we have some really firm boundaries on when that phone comes out or not. It never goes upstairs into his room. It stays in the downstairs. years. Yeah. And it's been really helpful for, hey, practice got canceled. Can you come pick me up? Totally. Totally. Totally. Yeah. Schools are helping a lot more now than they were even three years ago. Oh, yeah. Which is they can't be out. I don't know county changed their policy with it. Which is amazing, right? So it helps parents when schools say, you can't have this thing in class at all. But we've been

very restrictive. My daughter, we just got this new phone, and this isn't a plug, but it's called a tin can phone that plugs into the wall. But we put the numbers that she's, she's a lot of call in there. Yes. And so she's been calling my sister, her aunt, all the time. There's three or four of her friends that can call. But it works through Wi-Fi, but there's no texting, and nobody can just call that number, and she can't just call out that number.

Yes. And she is in fourth grade, and that's been cool. Yeah, totally. That's so good. Will you give any gradual changes to his phone before he leaves for college, or will it be like nothing till 18, and then when he's out, he gets to kind of make his decisions? There will probably be a conversation when he turns 18. I mean, he'll still live in our home for another six months while he's 18.

I've been burned by the number of college students that I met with over 20 years. Yeah. Who, with any number of challenges, 100%, have before and after moments in their lives because of those phones. And so I won't budge on social media. I just think it's not good for kids. All the data says it's not good. And I also know that the moment he walks out of my house,

The wide world is open for him, right? Sure, totally, totally. And so it's my job to instill the values and to point things out. And so. It's good. Well done, John. Well done. You know, it's funny about parenting.

All of Rachel's kids have smartphones. It's like all might have iPhones, full on iPhones. I'm just kidding. They're seven. They're kidding. Totally kidding. I have learned this in parenting. It's so much easier to project out and be like, oh, this is what we're going to do.

And then in the moment when you're actually in the season, in the actual moment, life looks different and feels different. Right? It's good, I think, to have a projection of where you want to go and where you want to be. I don't know, but I've just found I'm like, oh, my gosh, but when we're in it, life is just different. Like something can change, right? And your perspective can change, too, and all of it. Meaning that I'm saying all that's say, like, we have what we think we're going to do.

And it is, it's like smartphone without internet, no social media, all of that freshman year, whatever. Like, we kind of have our, what we say that we want, but then also in the moment, you know, is it Christmas at 8? grade. Like, you don't even say, like, how legalistic are we going to stick to our rules? Well, and if there had been things like a tin can phone available, we wouldn't have done it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was the only tool we had in trying to manage the tool we had. Yes. We, my wife and I like to spend a lot of our energy asking the question, not what are we going to do, but more about what kind of 18-year-old young man or do we want to raise. Yes. What do we want his experiences to be? I want a young man who can greet people and look them in the eye. I want a young man who's instant. impulse isn't to look down and, right? And so him being almost 16 now, that's his secondary

reaction. Not the first. You walk into a room and his head goes up. And so I want to ask the question, who do we want to raise? What kind of kid do we want to raise? What young man do we want to raise? And let's reverse engineering our parenting to that. Yes. Way more than the alternative. The projection. I want to do this or not do this. And by the way, it has been so hard. How many times we've said, I hate this for you. I'm not going to give you Snapchat. I hate this for you that all of your friends have X, Y, and Z. And we have some rules when kids come to our house, teenagers.

There's just a big bowl that sits on our counter. All the phones go in there. Because I want kids to go have, even high school kids. I want to go have time together. Totally. Go get in trouble. Go do stupid stuff. But get off those phones.

And now it's a mad dash to drop it into the bucket. When the herd of kids come in, man, those phones are. are getting thrown on and they are heading off to go get in whatever chaos they're going to get into, which I love, which is what you want. I love it. So good. Okay, so how do you bring the spark back? We have no kids. I was like, okay. So just getting each day with the basic, like, how is your day? Questions. I don't know, Rachel, my spark's never gone out. Never gone out. How do y'all handle it? I'm just kidding. No, I know you are. But it's funny because the no kids thing, I'm like, who, yeah, because when they enter the picture, I feel like that's like a whole other.

It's like a wet blanket over the sport. That's a whole other arena. Oh, my gosh. We literally went to bed last night. In our oldest, she's fifth grade. So she's up, because we were early bed timers around our house. Like, I mean, it's like 7.7.30 and our kids are in bed. Well, she's older now.

She reads. So it'll be like 8.30. And we are asleep at 9, John, like, Winston. I mean, like, we are so early to bed. But it's like 8.30, 48.45, she's in our bed. We're chatting. It's kind of our time with her. And so we're about to go to bed.

Winston's like, all right, we're about to close our eyes. We just saw our kids, and we're going to be woken up by our kids. So I'll see when we open our eyes. Our kids are right there. I'm like, it is. It's a lot. It's a lot. But it's good.

Okay. So what would you say from an engaging perspective where you're not just up floating the shallow? Like, oh, how was your day? Roommates type. Yeah. The way I like to flip that question is, if you can both own, that we have made a series of choices that have let us here. A, it's a bummer. because it's fun to think the world did this to us.

Yes. We chose to work a ton, we chose to watch all the new shows, we chose fill in the blank of what we chose. That means we get to choose something else. And it almost always starts with not sitting around thinking about it and pontificating as much as coming up with a list of five or ten things you want to try. Like, let's go be friends again, let's go be silly again. And you can do that with a bunch of money, you can do that with no money.

We've talked about this at Money and Marriage. What are five things you want to try in the bedroom? We haven't tried. What are five places you want to go in our local community that we want to go? But ask ourselves, who do we want to be? How do we want our house to feel when we walk in every day? How do we want our bedroom to feel in the evening? I get that spark back.

And then we're just going to reverse engineering that with actions. And this is something I've been wrestling with, especially since the Money and Marriage conferences, the money and marriage events is I don't always feel like exercising. I don't always feel like eating. I don't always feel like coming to work. But I got to do those things, right? Right, right. And so for some reason when it comes to I don't always feel like being romantic,

I don't always feel like picking up that thing of towels, I don't always feel like. In relationships, we say, oh, then the relationship must be over, right? Right, right. And I think that's not true. Yep. So there is some things that I may not quote unquote feel like doing. Mm-hmm. But man, once I'm in the middle of them, I'm glad.

Totally. Totally. Totally. I want to encourage people to put a list of things I don't feel like doing Xyri anymore and ask yourself, is it because I'm not safe? Mm-hmm. Or is it because... Yeah.

Because there's a laziness that can occur. Yeah. I'd rather watch TV. Totally. I'd rather watch TV than be with my spouse. Yep. Let's dig into that question. Yes, 100%.

That's so good. So good. We only have mortgage debts and we contribute 26% plus 4% match to our retirement, max out an CEP and both Roth IRAs each year. should we reduce to invest just 15% pay our house off early instead? We're both 35. Yes. Yes, you should.

Yep. Yep. Go up to the match with the 4%. Take the remainder that you have. Max out the Roth if you need to. But once you hit that 15% stop and throw any extra that you would have been investing and go ahead and just throw it at the house and get it paid off early. So that's easy.

All right. Well, John, last question is who would win in a fight, John or Winston? Winston is... I think it's a joke, John. We really don't have to, like, dissect this. No, I wouldn't dissect this. I think, I think Winston would beat me up in a fight. I don't know.

Y'all both can get aggressive. I'm like, the guys that I know that are more emotionally aware, I swear physically are the scary. Like, they can be like, I trust Winston in like a, like, in a situation of like physical, like protecting. And I swear it's because emotionally deep down, y'all are like in touch people. And I swear that does something even, I think it like magnifies the physical. So St. John Deloney and Winston Cruz who are like all about their feelings and like very aware of like what's going to be self-aware men. I trained in mixed martial arts for years.

Okay, yeah. One thing I learned is I'm never going to fight. Right? Because you never know. Yes. But if you have to. If you had to. Yeah.

It'd be a scary fight. Yeah. I was at a concert the other day with my son and we were in a big mosh pit. Yeah. I said, I need you to do this for your old man. We went to the show. Go with me to the mosh pit. And it was wild.

And some guy crashed into him. and I responded. Yes. And as I was responding, I was thinking, oh, I didn't know this John was still there. I'm still there. But I turned and looked at my son and his eyes were this big. And I was like, oh, you don't know that guy. But then I told him in the car home.

I was like, that's the guy your mom married because she liked that guy. Totally. Right? Yes. A lot of therapies worn the edges off him, but he's still in there. Can't take him out. But Winston's younger and more agile. He does yoga and stuff.

Winston. He can be. He does yoga. Okay, John, well, thanks for being on. Where can everyone find you? If you're listening on podcast, you can follow me at John Deloney on the social medias, on the Facebooks and the Instagrams. All of it, all the plurals.

All of it. And you can go to the Dr. John Deloney show on YouTube. It's a great listen, you guys. You really will. You'll love it. You'll love it. Okay. Thanks, John. Thanks for being on.

All right, always fun to have John on. Well, in a few months, we are going to have another money in marriage, like what we mentioned, our event that we do. And this time it is in October. So you can go to ramsysolutions.com slash events and grab your tickets. And the dates are October 22nd through the 24th. So come spend the weekends with us. And if you are interested in combining your money with your spouse, we were talking about sometimes the hesitation around that, make sure to download every dollar because it is a great tool to help you dive in together as a couple. And for more content when it comes to money in marriage, make sure check out the episode

I did with my husband called Money Lessons We've Learned at 15 Years of Marriage. So you can check it out right here. Or if you're listening on podcasts, I'll leave a link below. All right, you guys, remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.