The Rachel Cruze Show - How to Cope With Anxiety (With Rebekah Lyons)

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

Rebekah Lyons is an incredible author and speaker who helps people overcome anxiety. In this interview, we talk about: The physical symptoms of stress What my first panic attack was like The four steps to beat anxiety   You guys, clarity changes everything—so if you’re dealing with worry, stress or anxiety, I hope you find the rest you need in this video.   Stay connected with Rebekah Lyons  Just Between Friends Tuft & Needle   Sponsors pay the producer of this show, The Lampo Group, LLC, advertising fees for mentioning their services or products during programming. Advertising fees are not based upon or otherwise tied to any product sale or business transacted between any consumer or sponsor. The following sponsors have paid for the programming you are viewing: Just Between Friends Tuft and Needle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

78% of us have physical symptoms of stress. My guest, Rebecca Lyons, is here. We feel like we're on this, basically this hamster wheel that we can't jump off of. We're actually living beyond the boundaries of rhythm. Anxiety and panic attacks, depression, all of that I think we're struggling with so much as a country. What's right, what's wrong, what's confused, and what's missing. Like, if you can answer those four questions, you can actually make some changes. Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of the Rachel Cruz Show podcast.

So glad that you're here. And today, I want to talk about emotions and how they affect our money and our life because, well, we all have emotions. And of all the things that I'm learning is that they impact so many of our decisions. I had Dr. Chip Dodd on a few episodes ago and he talked all about emotions, you guys. And remember, no emotion is bad. All emotions have a healthy side and an unhealthy side. But being able to name it and know it is so, so crucial.

So I'm going to use one of mine and my girl's favorite Disney movies inside out to teach us all about emotional spending and what it can do to us. Oh my gosh, it's so real. And then I'm going to give some advice to a woman in my Facebook community who's facing a very emotional moment in her life. But first, I'm going to bring on Rebecca Lyons. I interviewed her and we talked a lot about fear and anxiety. And, man, it is such a powerful interview. These are two emotions that a lot of people in our country are. are dealing with as we speak. So if that's you, take a listen because, man, it is so good,

so, so good. Well, hey, you guys, I am so excited about this episode. And my guest sitting right here, Rebecca Lyons is here. And she's an author, a speaker, a mom, and just has incredible insight into something that I think we're struggling with so much as a country. I hear stats and stats around depression, anxiety, stress, and thanks to the pandemic. That's only escalated. I know. It just magnifies it all, magnifies it all. So you have a really personal story in regards specifically with panic attacks, anxiety, all of that. So kind of tell, because a lot of your work comes from your story. Yes, that's been a decade.

2010, we've decided to be really fun to move from the suburbs of Atlanta to New York City. Very logical to do when you have a four, seven, and nine-year-old. Everyone else usually leaves the city at that point. We're entering. You're like, I'm just going to dive in. Yes. And so I found about four months into my time there, you know, we were in the suburbs. We had, you know, a house with a driveway and a minivan and all the things you do, right, when you have littles.

And we get to the city, you have 8 million people in 11 miles. There is no such thing as personal space. And we were in an apartment on the Upper East Side. And I just remember coming to grips with the fact that even my oldest son, who is nine at the time, he has a Down syndrome diagnosis. He would, we would start walking. He'd go, car, car. Like, where's the car and where's the little video screen that pops down? That's right.

That's right. I need my minivan. I need my minivan. So I was like, bud, you and me together are feeling the same thing. So four months into my time in New York, I actually had my first panic attack. And it was on a flight, landing in LaGuardia around midnight. We had crazy turbulence. I had gone back to Atlanta. I went back to visit.

And then coming back home and something rose in me. I'd never had something like this before. Just kind of soles in my feet all the way, all the way up. And I just felt gripped in fear, like just this. And for me, my anxiety was rooted in claustrophobic. though I wouldn't have known it then. It was always when I felt this metaphor being trapped. I was less afraid of the turbulence and I was crashing than I was like,

when this thing lands, I'm going to be trapped on the back of this plane. Like, I got to get out of here. So I start, like, running to the front of the plane while we're doing this at midnight. Because we're just like, you know, just barreling towards her. And I just remember saying panic. And I couldn't stop it. I think for those who have had an anxiety attack or people are like, what are the differences on that continuing?

from anxiety to full-blown panic disorder. It's when you really have no ability to control something that kind of takes over. And for a lot of people might look like racing heart, shortness of breath. You might feel like you're suffocating or you're having a heart attack or whatever. Well, I've had one. Okay. My entire life. And this was probably 10 years ago.

We were on a family cruise on a trip with the family. And my dad told us the story of this medical diagnosis that a child that we knew, got, and I just kind of felt this thing in my body, and I was like, oh, that's weird. So we get off the ship, and I remember we go get into a van to do this tour at some place, and I was in the back, and I literally, I, like, started yelling. I was like, I got to get out. Yeah, I had to get out. And I get off to the side of the road, and I thought I was having a heart attack.

I thought I was dying. I really did. I was like, because I had no clue. I didn't know what a panic attack. I mean, none of that. And my sweet mom, when she said next to me, she was like, you're having a panic attack, Rachel, you are having a panic attack. You're okay?

I was like, I was like, Mom, I think I'm dying. Like, oh, it was. It's terrifying. And I haven't had it since, thank God. But the people that struggle with it, though, like, I have such empathy for it because that was one of the most scary. Vulnerable. Like, just, like, you're just, you're, you can't paralyzing.

I mean, yeah, trapped feeling. So I totally get it. I mean, from that. And notice your response was like, I got to get out. I got to get out. Like, I got to get, move, move, move. Like, like, something about the escaping the environment helps you kind of like. figure out what is happening.

I don't know. And so for me, because it was rooted in that trapped thing, and we were now in New York, and it consists of planes, trains, elevator, subways, and crowds, you know, I realized this turned into like a full-blown disorder. It lasted about 18 months. It was everywhere I would go. I would get on a, you know, a subway to take two train stops to my daughter's school because she was in the play, and I would, like, try to claw the doors back open.

I mean, I was that person, right? I'd jump on the elevator and then a couple more people come, and I would jump back off and I would take nine flights of stairs. Because I was less afraid that, obviously, I knew logically that I wasn't going to suffocate in the elevator ride. Sure. But something about what that fear represented, I was afraid of myself of being overcome. Like, it was like I knew logically I'm not dying, but something about the fear just descending, I just felt powerless to it.

So I would just try to avoid it at all costs. And this lasted for a long time. And then I do remember September 20th of 2011. I literally wrote the date down. It had been over a year later. And it was the middle of the night and I woke out of a dream. And no longer siloed to small spaces, I would just, you know, be walking the playground or in my own bedroom at night.

Like, it started to just get bigger. Like fear grows, right? If you don't combat fear with exposure and, like, tackling it head on, it grows. And so I remember waking up and my husband Gabe, he started praying. And then I really felt like God just gave me words. And I just said, rescue me, deliver me. I cannot do this without you. And in that moment, my body just flattened on the bed and all was done.

And I was calm. And like, it was the first time I didn't have to escape to calm down. I just was like literally like nothing's moving in the dark but my eyeballs. And I was like, did you see that? What just happened? What just happened? It was like, you stopped. And I remember at the time I wouldn't have called it healing or anything.

like that because I just didn't know what was going on, but I definitely felt like I was flooded with peace. And it very much to me was a peace of God. It was this kind of sense of like, okay, you are going to spin out. I'm going to actually do what you've asked me to do. I'm going to rescue you. And from that day forward, I stepped out of my apartment the next day and I was just like, did it take? I don't know. I'm going to get back on a subway. And I didn't have another one for seven years. Oh, wow. And that began my writing about it and studying mental health and learning one and four of us have, you know, are having to get treatment for anxiety or depression, you know, and that was, that was 11, that was nine years ago.

Which is probably more taboo. Now I feel like everyone's like, like, everyone's like, like, passing out their shrinks phone off. Yeah. That's right. That's right. It's like, you need a recipe. You need my psychiatrist, you know?

Yes, yes. Yeah. So it's definitely more mainstream, especially in areas of faith where it was very much shame. And I actually believe that the vulnerability of talking about it just de-escalated the power that fear can have, right? You're like, oh, we're going to name fear. We're going to give fear a name, and then we're going to start to attack it and know how to address it. And so that was part of the practice for me from that point forward. Like, while I might not be gripped in fear at every moment, I know the muscle memory is there. Yes. I know that I still am not keen on going,

descending to the subway like seven floors underground to go to Queens. Like, I don't want to do that. And so sometimes I would do it afterwards and I would get on it and I would be like, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Jesus. I'm just like, whatever the verse is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like just whatever I needed to calm or breathing exercises, but ultimately it just led to basically a mental health trilogy that I wrote. It wasn't planned to be that way, but I wrote three books about it subsequently about just different ways to walk in freedom. And this last one, Rhythms of Renewal, was really just about how do you trade that stress anxiety and anxiety for a life of peace and purpose? What practical steps, because I kept talking to a lot of listeners or readers that would say, okay, I feel like I'm experiencing. experiencing that rescue moment, but now what?

How do I take agency every day to live in a life for sustained emotional health? And so that's kind of really been my journey now. It's just helping people go like, this is like literally one whisper away. It's one step away. You can take agency every morning that you wake up, how you start your day, how you move your body, all those good things. Which is huge. And you have those rhythms that I want to talk about. But for you, like as you're studying all of this and you look at our world today, 2020,

why do you think anxiety and, you know, panic attacks, depression, all of that, that mental health is so escalated. Like, it's increased so much. I don't know if it's always been like that. And like we said earlier, we're willing to talk about it now. Or if it's the pressures of society, like, what do you think it is? Because I feel like it's just, it's rampant. Like, I have so many friends that struggle with it. Yes. It definitely has escalated in the last 20 years, partly since we have a, you know, a smartphone attached to us at all time. So when you think about it, a hundred years ago, up until about 1920, when we had the industrial revolution, people actually sat under the boundaries of the circadian rhythm. You have sunrise that elicit, that emits blue light that tells you to wake up and you have sunset, that emits red light,

which is natural melatonin for your body. It's as if God kind of knew what he was doing, right? When he created, he's kind of intentional. He's like, this is what is an actual sustainable pace for a human being. Yes. But then we created factories, and then all of a sudden, that phrase always on was meant for machines because it was more efficient to keep them running through the night. than to power them back up in the morning. The problem is we're not machines. And so we've got that mantra of always being on and working a little harder

and pushing ourselves a little more. And then we wonder why now, American Institute of Society says, of stress says that 78% of us have physical symptoms of stress. So coming into COVID, back before March, back before we're not always writing this book, almost four out of five of us

we're experiencing sleepless nights, racing thoughts, shallow labored breathing when you open your eye cow, Or whatever your thing is. Yes. For me, it was looking at my calendar. And we feel like we're on this, basically this hamster wheel that we can't jump off of. Because it's all good things often.

And more good things yield more good things, like invitations and opportunities. And we want to say yes to all those things. But in the end, we're actually living beyond the boundaries of rhythm. We're living beyond the boundaries of where we're actually able to flourish. So instead of thriving with all those opportunities, we're actually burning out. Okay, I hear from you guys all the time that you're looking for a side hustle to help you pay down debt and build your emergency fund. Well, I've got the answer.

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Yeah. Like you can have it all. Yeah, go, go, go, go, go. You can, but you're going to, you know, crash at some point. Yeah, and I think people are just more heightened and aware of taking care of themselves. Yes. And just knowing that I think is huge. So people out there that may be struggling.

with, you know, again, that anxiety, that depression, that stress. What is the rhythm? What's the rhythm to put into our lives to help us kind of break that cycle? Sure. So it took about a decade for me to really hone it and keep it simple because I'm not trying to complicate things. Nobody needs another to-do list right now. But there's essentially four rhythms. Rest, restore, connect, create. So rest and restore our input rhythms. And those are the ones that are lacking in our lives usually. That's why we always output, connect and create. Like we're you, I mean, connect is your healthiest rhythm. Like, you're so great with people and you're dynamic. And then the crate is often attached to our vocational health. So we're killing it at work, but we're not actually sleeping at night, right?

Or we're not eating well. We're not taking care of our bodies. So what happens is if we just focus on the output rhythms, that's when we show anxiety. That's when anxiety ramps because we're always just keeping up. We're just kind of keeping our head above water, but there's not really a replenishment cycle that actually is coming out of the overflow. So this is kind of biblical when you think about it. You've got rest and restore. So rest is all about your inner life, your spiritual health. Like, who am I? Am I okay? Or God and I okay. In that section, I talk about routines for deep sleep or morning routine. Like, how do you begin? That first hour sets the framework for the next 15. Things like Sabbath, do you take time away from your phone? Do you take a tech detox? You know, do you take inventory of your

life? And that's the, I want to invite the reader into that right away. It's like what's right, what's wrong, what's confused, and what's missing. Like, if you can answer those four questions, you can actually make some changes. And I think COVID has been the environment to invite people to do that. In fact, there was a survey about six weeks ago that said 43% surveyed said that their lives had actually improved. Their mental health had actually improved since March, only because they had a hard stop of all the things that were overwhelming, right? Amen. You're like, I get to work in my PJs for the next few weeks.

I'm serious. Except with like from hereup looking professional. That is. Always. Always the T's too. but with the gym shorts on. For sure. And it was almost like society got to make a collective exhale.

And I'm not saying it hasn't been hard and it hasn't been lost. I'm not diminishing that whatsoever. But the blessing of it, if we look at it that way, is like you have been given permission this year to reorient, re-prioritize, just kind of gently get out of the things that you committed to maybe five years ago that you're still doing out of obligation, just going like, I'm going to actually think through. I mean, this book came out in October, and I was remembering last fall before this, I was trying to convince everybody they needed rhythms for emotional health.

And they're like, rhythms, like, how do you spell rhythm? Like, it was like, it's like, it wasn't language we were using a lot. And then March hit, and everybody's like, I'm taking walks every day, I'm cooking, I'm working with my hands. I'm, like, constructing something in my yard, right? I'm getting quality time with my people. All of a sudden, it was taking us back to the simplicity of what it means to be human. And I think that no one wants to reenter life the way we entered it.

Like, when we were living the lives we wanted going into COVID, still four out to five of us were stressed out. So I think that's the challenge for us in this year. It's like, can we not only pivot professionally, can we pivot personally? Can we reorient in such a way that we're like going to bring the best versions of ourselves coming out of this? I hope so. I know for me personally, I was supposed to be in 30 cities this year. And I was in seven up until March.

And I even think about how that's impacted me as a mother of four and the priorities of work and home and how to how to be a partner with my husband in it. Yeah. So we're all having to take inventory in that way. And I think it's really good for us to do that. Yeah, I think it did. It forced us to almost do exactly what you're saying to do those rhythms. COVID did. So like the rest, right?

Yes, rest, restore. Which is, gosh, the restore part. I think so. And the tech detox. And the text detox, all of that. You guys, like, we talk about so much on the show how financially people get in such trouble because they are, they're addicted to their phone. They're seeing what all's available. They're seeing what everyone has. All of it, right? It's like that comparison thing is so stressful. It's a never-ending game. And to, like, just have hard stops with it. It's not just good for your money, you guys. It's good for your soul. It's good for that renewal. Yeah. Comparison is a thief of joy. Yes. Like a lot of us have heard that. We know that. But that's what the scroll does. You always look at somebody's life who's better than yours. Yes. And you always think, well, what do I know?

need to do. And that, and we know that money doesn't bring, like, that inner joy. Like, it helps make life more, like, work. It makes it work. Yes, for sure. But, but in the end, like, let's make sure that we're being present with our people and we're being honest with ourselves. Yes. And you're able to do that connection with your people when you do rest and restore. And that connections there and then the creativity. Yeah, the creates last because you want to collaborate with the people you love. And it helps if you're in good relationships with them. So it kind of builds on itself. That's so great. Okay. So what advice do you have, kind of a two-fold question? For people that maybe are struggling, they have those, they have those panic attacks,

they have those moments. They're like, I just can't, like it really is debilitating for them. That's real for so many people. And then if you're a parent and you see your kids struggling with it, what do you do? That's good. Often, you know, if a parent struggles with it, a child is, I think, three times more likely to struggle with it. Okay, can we talk about that for a second? So is that biological? Is that environments? I think it's both. Okay. You know, I could be.

You know, I mean, I had a father who was more of a warrior than my mom. And I know that I kind of picked some of that up about the same age that I saw him pick that up in midlife. So I do think there is some hereditary part to it. But also do think it's the culture we create at home, how we talk about things. And the way we phrase things even like, oh, well, I'm concerned or I'm worried or I'm, you know what I mean? Like, the more we vocalize that, the kids pick up on that. They're sponges. we think they're resilient, which they are until they aren't. At some point, they're going to hit, like, that tween year where it's going to really kind of settle in. And the onset of anxiety and kids used to be age eight and now it's age six.

Oh, it's like going down. Right. And because school, because of certain, like, environmental pressures, peer pressures, social grades, all of that. So I think this is a universal conversation in the classroom. It's amongst teachers. It's amongst families and children's counselors. It's like, It's a family thing, right? And it's a community thing. And I, yeah, and again, I'm not a parent of a teen. You are, so you can correct me if I'm wrong. But I can look back, even when I was in high school, which was not too long ago, but enough a way that I can, like, at least contrast.

But I'm like, man, I mean, I feel like when I was in high school, like some people did competitive sports, some didn't. You kind of went to the school play. We'd go to Sonic, like this drive-in food thing on Tuesday. I don't know. It was just, like, our grades were important, but my parents were not big on, like, if you don't make straight a day,

you're going to be grounds for the rest. You're like, thank God. I, like, would never leave the house. I was not a straight-a-stradian student. But, you know, like, I don't know. It just was, it felt lighter. And I hear parents today with teenagers talk about, oh, no, they have to, they're in, they're in two sports, they're doing music.

They have to get good grades because they have to go to a good college, and they're doing this and this. And the kid is stressed out. So the amount of pressure. It's ramped. Yes. And is that just like a cultural thing? Well, first of all, they're the first generation to be raised in social media.

Right. So for let's, God bless. That's so true. You know, like for us, like social media is like living your whole life in seventh grade, right? Like you're like, no, no, no, I'm out. Could you imagine being in seventh grade with social media? I would die. I would not be a parent of a daughter doing that.

I would not be a good. I was not great for her or me or anyone, right? No. So let's, so it gives me a lot of empathy for their generation because I was not raised in a popularity contest that was public for, you know, at all times. So that's one thing. So, I mean, we've discouraged. I mean, as parents, you really can set the tone. You can.

It might feel like it's too late and your kids are just like they're always, but you can take some agency. We got out the old phone contract that we had gotten them like a couple years ago before the phone. We're like, we reprinted it literally last week. And we had them reread what they had agreed to and signed. And they're like, wow, we're not doing any of this. We're like, that's exactly right. And so if you want to keep your phones, we're going to re-up the contract. because I think what happens is just over times things slide.

Everyone's busy, and then everyone's little irritable, and you just kind of making amends for things that really never should have been there in the first place. And we're all guilty of it. It's not my kid's fault. It's me too being like, yeah, it's fine, whatever. Because we're tired. Yes, yes, for sure. But yet in the end, when we stripped those things, we got real diligent again about like no phone for 24 hours over the weekend.

That's big. That's big. I got a 15, 17, and 19. We're not happy with you, I'm sure. Not, but so the way we've framed it is like, like, Pierce is leaving home in a year. We want, we have, like, you know, 25 Saturdays, right? Or, you know, whatever that looks like between Christmas and next August. So we were kind of just saying, like, we want to make sure that these are times that are

proactively, like, connecting and, like, having everybody weigh in on what are the kind of things you love to do as a family? And, like, let's make it more about what we get to do versus. like as a unit versus as a team versus what you don't get to do there. It doesn't mean you can't have a social life. It's just that there needs to be for them setting it down and like quieting their heart. Because a lot of times if you're anxious or your kids are anxious, you don't know why. Because you're not getting enough head space to just stop and ask and give the fear in name.

And that would be my counsel's like when you feel the anxiety, it is rooted in something. And I would just ask you to pause and go, like, help me give the fear. a name. So for me, my name was overwhelmed, and it would always be connected to my schedule because my schedule didn't have enough margin. And it always had me kind of doing more and more and more. And I was a high-capacity person, so I was hanging with it, but I was slowly kind of just really like losing the ability to breathe. And so I would just counsel you, like, whatever it is that triggers this in you, I would isolate that, kind of put a circle around it and go, okay, this is where we need to make real change. Maybe it's conflict with a spouse or a child, maybe, you know, whatever it is,

name it and give attention to it. Get in counseling if you need to, whatever that looks like, and get on the other side of what that might look like as it walks in healing. Yes, for sure. And I, Chip Dodd was on the show. I love Chip Do it. I see me the best. I'm obsessed with this book. I've taken our whole coaching community. Oh, it's so good. Multiple times. But I was thinking about it, like, voice the heart with fear specifically that on one side, it's rage. and on the other side, it's anxiety, and how he talks about, you know, that internal stirring. Yes. That anxiousness is what comes.

It comes totally out of fear. Totally out of fear. But the good thing about fear that he says is that the other side of it, what does it lead to? It leads to wisdom. Yes. Right. So if fear is the beginning of wisdom, all of a sudden you're like, okay, so fear on its own is not great. But where it takes me is like wisdom says, I'm looking at my life.

I'm circling where the tension points are. I'm going to get proactive. We're going to put the phones down. That's wise. We're going to get more family time. That's wisdom. You know, like sometimes fear drives us to some really positive things. Yeah.

And it's our cryout for help. Yep. Just shows that you need help. And I think that there's absolutely, there's so much health in that. Just saying, gosh, this is like damaging me. It's damaging my family around me. And I have got to figure out what this is to make myself healthier. Like it is.

It's such a big deal. And it really helps if there's somebody else in your home that wants that with you. It's really hard to be the alone, the long, the lone voice crying like, we need help. So I would just say, even in your own home, like your nuclear family, find partnership in that. So you're not the only one fighting for something because you'll get a lot further when other people are recognizing that too. Yes. So great.

Rebecca, thanks for being in a one. Okay, your book, Rhythms of Renewal. They can find it where? Anywhere. Books are sold at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, you name it. And where can they find you? I'm at Rebecca Lyons and it's R-E-B-E-K-A-H-L-Y-O-N-S. I always have to caveat

out that. There you go. Or RebeccaLiance.com. You can find out about my coaching community, retreats, having new rhythms for life. 90 days journal and planner

that's coming out in the fall in October. Yeah. So you can kind of live and implement your rhythms each day. So great. Well, thanks for all the work you do.

Seriously. You bring so much hope to a subject that feels hopeless and scary and people can't always have the words or be able to feel like they can grab onto it.

And I feel like you do such a great job. Thank you. So thanks for being. on. Absolutely. So guys, make sure to check out all things, Rebecca Lens, her website, and her book Rhythms of Renewal. All right, one of my favorite packages to ever show up on my door is my Tuft and Needle mattress.

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freaking real. I mean, I said it on there, but it's true. I remember when I had my panic attack, it was like, it was absolutely terrible. And I know people deal with that stuff. all the time. So her being able to guide us through what to do in those moments and just talk about this uncomfortable subject of anxiety. It's so crucial. So I hope you guys learn something from that. Oh, it's so, so powerful. All right, we're going to shift a little bit to a lighter note because one of my favorite Disney movies is Inside Out. And we're seeing in the theaters. And I was like, this is brilliant. It's so good. It's so clever. It's so funny. So I thought, man, I got to tie all these emotions to spending because, well, again, emotions can cause you to spend. As someone ever said to you,

oh, are you having a bad day? Go treat yourself. You deserve it. Go shopping. Feel better. Uh-huh. Yep. Emotions affect our spending. So let's dive in to emotional spending. Oh, emotions. You got to love them. We all have them. Some people, I think, do you have emotions? Yeah, they're in there. They're in there. I know they are. And then others, you just kind of wear them on Well, we all have emotions, and emotions can dictate a lot of the decisions we make in life. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes that's bad, depending on what it is. And so I've realized that my spending and sometimes the way I manage my money corresponds,

like right there together with how I feel. My emotions in the moment. And again, not always the wisest thing in the world, but it happens. So my girls have been watching Inside Out, a brilliant movie. I mean, obviously it's Disney, so I'm going to love it. But also, I'm like, this is like a counseling session. Like, understanding your core emotions, it's so important. And they do such a funny job, you know, displaying that on Inside Out.

So I thought, okay, what if I take some of those emotions, some of the main emotions, and figure out, okay, what is that, how does that translate to spending? Because it does. So let's take the, let's take joy. Supposedly all the emotions are good, but they someone feel negative, even though they're all good. They're all good. That's what I hear. All the emotions are good. But Joy is my favorite, obviously. So when Joy comes in, it's like, yeah, everything's great. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I'm feeling great. I'll pay for everyone's dinner. Or Amelia, she's like just doing great. And Carolyn's doing

great. I'm like, girls, let's go to Sonic and get some milkshakes. Like, let's just go. Let's go. Like, when I get so happy in life, that's what I spend more. And I'm like, oh, it's be great. It's so fun. We're like, let's just have a bunch of people over. Guys, we'll get dinner. Don't worry. Don't worry. Come over, come over. and I get so excited, so joyful, I end up spending money. Sometimes too much money because I get so excited, and I'm just so joyful. It's great, but that's my favorite emotion, for sure. And then there's sadness, and it's like, oh, man, maybe you're sitting on the couch, watching The Bachelor, and you're like, does anyone love me? Like, am I ever going to find a spouse?

And it's like, oh, yeah. So you get on social media and you just see clothes, and you're like, that feels good. I'm just going to buy that. and that and that. I'll be fine. I want that too. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that makes me feel a little better. And you cope your sadness with spending. But that happens. Anger. Oh, anger. You know, you're driving down the interstate, minding your own business, doing your own thing, out and about after quarantine. You're good. Well, someone cut you off. And you're just like, what the? Does anyone have respect for anyone on the road? Like, what is happening? Hello? Do you not see me? I'm right here. Like, I'm a car. I'm a car right here. I'm a black

car, do you see it? Do you see it? No, you don't see it because you just absolutely cut me off. And the anger comes and then you see Chick-fil-A there off the exit. And you're like, give me a chicken biscuit. I'm going. Give me that spicy chicken sandwich. Combo number three, please. And sometimes you just feel like I just need to do something. I just need to spend some money because the anger is there. Does that happen? Anyone? Anyone? It's just me. It's just me? Well, I wish the only time I spent money at Chick-Flay is when I was angry because at least that would put like a boundary on my amount of spending on Chick-fil-A, but I love my chicken biscuits. And then there's disgust, who I think is really funny on the Inside Out movie.

She makes me laugh. But you know that feeling? Like you get back from Christmas and there's that coworker that just, oh, gets on your nerves, says things to you that sometimes hurt your feelings. Sometimes you just roll your eyes and you're like, oh my gosh, you just can't take them. And there they are be bopping around with a new purse. And you're like, oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Of course she does. Of course she has it. It's cute. Don't like her. She has it. Well, if she has it, then maybe I should just have it. And you go and you spend money. Disgust.

It can happen. And then last but not least is fear. And maybe you were home during quarantine. Your dad's out there that may not be home off time. And you're like, these kids eat all the time. Like, we have to have snacks. If we don't have snacks, what are they going to do? They're like going to take over the house.

And we got to have snacks. I got to go get snacks. So you just go and you just pile up. You go to Sam, you go to Costco, wherever it is, and you just get tons of snacks. You're like, I can't. I got everyone has to be good. Is everyone good? All the eating?

Are we good? And then, like, toilet paper, you know, the shortage of toilet paper at the beginning of quarantine, you freak out. And you're the ones that go out and you stockpile and you just buy and buy and buy and buy and buy and buy. Before they put limits on it, and you're like, are we good? If something happens, are we good? The fear takes over. That's another emotion that I feel like I can.

I can play into that real easily. You're like, I just need to make sure everything's good. And I'm going to buy this for this, for this. I always think about this. Like, I never want to run out a formula for Charles. So I have like 10 things of formula in my pantry at all times. So when he turns a year and he drinks whole milk, I'm going to have to take all these formulas back.

But I'm like, I just need to make sure it's good. Are we good? Are we good? That's me. I'm like an overstocker sometimes. It's the fear where it's like, I can go out and get it. You can go out of it. You're going to be okay.

You're going to be okay without snacks. You're going to be okay because you can go buy for me. It's fine. It's fine. But the fear, man, makes you spend so much money, so much money. So does all those examples have they happened before in your life has an emotion driven you to spend? Of course, of course.

But is it a good thing? Not really. Not really. I can sometimes make it an excuse and be like, well, listen, I was feeling great. I just want to spend some money. But listen, you cannot let your emotions dictate your spending. And this is really important because a lot of it. of people do this. And in the research of my new book, this is what I found. It's like, wow,

this happens a lot. And what happens is you're glossing over, you're medicating, spending money with the true emotion instead of stopping and actually dealing with what's going on inside of you, which is really, really important. So a lot of people, there's different outlets they have in their life. And for some people, it is spending money. Depending on the emotion that they have, they end up just spending a ton. So again, yes, we all have motions and spending money is attached to them. But remember, deal with the emotion. know your money tendencies. So to figure out yours, you can click the link below and take my new money quiz all figuring out your spending in money tendencies. It's so great. So make sure to take it,

figure out the results, and I hope that helps you on your money journey. Again, I love Disney. Y'all know this. All right, I'm going to answer a question from Katie and my Facebook community. She says, in Baby Step 2, we decided to go into store mode since we are health care workers. When do you decide to throw some money at debt again. How much would you keep aside if the concern is being off work due to getting sick, but work is very stable otherwise. Yeah, so Katie, you're in a profession that's more than likely. You're still going to be employed. Health care workers, for the most parts, are working. So if you know that you're not, you're not in a position where you're going to be laid off or furloughed, I would go ahead and start transitioning money to

paying off debt, getting back into your routine. Now, you can have a larger emergency fund, more than $1,000. Maybe it's a month's worth. You can decide on your comfort level because you do know that you're in an industry that if you get this or if you test positive, then you are going to be out for two weeks. And I don't know if you'll get paychecks during that time. I don't know what your situation is. So what you have to figure out is, okay, if we do get sick, we have to be quarantined

for two weeks. Am I still going to get a paycheck? If the answer is no, then have that money set aside. But I would continue on the baby steps. I would continue at throwing money at your debt because, again, your job is stable. is what you've said. And so that's what's key. Now, if you are in a position where later on, you see, okay, my department is getting cut or whatever the case may be, then pull back again, press pause and save up cash. But until that happens, continue down the baby steps. And I know that

we've all had major questions because of the pandemic, you guys. And again, the rule of thumb is, if you know that a layoff is coming, pause, pause and pile up. But if you know a layoff is not coming because we're months into this and if your business is still trucking along and you're still getting a paycheck. You've heard no, no whispers around that people are going to be for a load or laid off, continue on paying up your debt or building up your emergency fund wherever you are. So that's the key. It's really hard because, again, we can base so many decisions just on fear, but focus on the facts. And I love what Katie said. Hey, if we test positive, we're going to be out for two weeks and we'll not get a paycheck. Well, if that's the case, then build up a little two-week emergency fund and have it there.

So do what you need to do because, man, it is tough for sure, still tough. But there's still hope. I mean, people are going back to work. People are not, even though there's millions that are unemployed, there are still millions that are not unemployed. So continue down this progress and this step. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. Again, emotions are so, so key to naming it and understanding why you handle money the way you do.

If you've not, hit that subscribe button on the podcast, make sure you do that. And if the spirit leads, you can leave a review. And as always, make sure you take control of your money and create a life you love. So if you guys enjoyed this podcast, we have more from the Ramsey Network, like The Ken Coleman Show. According to a recent Gallup poll, nearly 70% of Americans are disengaged at work. If you dread going into work every Monday morning and you're just trying to make it to the weekend, the Ken Coleman Show is for you. Everyone has a sweet spot.

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