The Rachel Cruze Show - How to Find Happiness Right Where You Are (With Jamie Ivey)

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

Jamie Ivey is the dynamic host of The Happy Hour podcast, and I’m so thrilled to have her on mine! In this episode, we talk about:   How to be faithful and fulfilled in whatever season you’re in The lies comparison feeds us as women What to do with your money during major life-change   Stay connected with Jamie on Instagram: @jamieivey.   Sponsors: Tuft & Needle Zander Insurance   Sponsors pay the producer of this show, The Lampo Group, LLC, advertising fees for mentioning their services or products during programming. Advertising fees are not based upon or otherwise tied to any product sale or business transacted between any consumer or sponsor. The following sponsors have paid for the programming you are viewing: Zander Insurance, Tuft & Needle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I had to put to death a lot of ideas of what I should be like, and that's hard. One of my favorite podcasters, Jamie Ivy. When I am really for somebody and I'm cheering them on, it's really hard for me to be jealous of them. Finding happiness where your ads is so key to so much. I'm never going to be what other people are because I was never created to be them. I'm created to be myself. Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Rachel Cruise Show podcast.

So glad that you're here. and today's episode is all about you. Oh, I'm so excited for you to hear this. I'm going to be talking to one of my favorite podcasters, Jamie Ivy. Yes, she has the podcast, The Happy Hour. And she is just an incredible resource to really encourage you and let you understand that, like, hey, you can love your life where you're at now. UBU. That's like one of her big mantos right now, and I love that. So we're going to dive into that conversation. and I'm also going to answer one of your money questions as well. But before we get to all of that, I'm going to walk through how your money changes when your life changes. Because let's be honest, life is going to change, whether you're having a baby, you're getting married, maybe you're going through a divorce.

But when big life events happen, then your money shifts and your money changes. So let's dive right into that. All right, let's talk about life change because changes happen in life. I know you're shocked, but they're. do. And that means it's going to affect your budget. So your budget is not just stationary. Through your whole life, it's not going to be the exact same thing, okay? It's going to look different depending on different life changes. So let's walk through a couple of those. One being if you get married, yes, your budget is going to change a lot because you're going to join

your checking accounts. Yes, a joint account, a shared account is what I always say. Not separate checking accounts have one account that you're working out of. That's very, very important. So make that step after you get married. Also in your budget, you're going to have his and her fun money. So you need to have a line item with your name on it and you need to have a line item with your spouse's name on it. So that way you guys have money to spend. We have a Rachel category and a Winston category in our budget. Might be one of my favorite categories, the Rachel one. But it's that opportunity to say, hey, here's some money that we both agree on the amount and you can go and spend it. Like, let this kind of be your thing, whatever you want to do. So mine's usually,

like, hair products off of Amazon or a new shirt if something is on sale, right? Like, I'll go and, like, figure out things that I want to buy that month, and I go buy them out of the Rachel category. So you need that because one reason a lot of people don't like the joint checking account ideas. They're like, you're going to lose all your identity. If I don't have my money, how will I know what to spend on my stuff? This is my work and my money. Listen, this gives you a little bit of that freedom to say, yeah, you can still be your individual person 100% and have some money to go spend throughout the month. Something else in the budget that's going to change when you get married is that you need term life insurance, okay? If someone is dependent upon

your income, you need life insurance. This is so, so important. It's also important to use Xander insurance, okay? Winston and I, we use them. They are the best out there. And I love them because usually when you go to one insurance company and you ask for like, hey, give me your life insurance policy. Give me term life rate. They give you one rate, and that's it. It's their rate. Zander, no, they shop tons of different companies out there, and they give you the best rate possible. And it's so easy. If you go to zander.com, there it is. It's so, so simple, I promise. And when you're doing life insurance, remember, you need 10 to 12 times your annual income. This is going to be the best bet possible that if something happens to you, you know you're covered. And I always hate

talking about term life insurance when it feels like very morbid, but it doesn't have to feel more but Visa and Winston and we got it, we actually upped ours just a little while ago because we have lots of kids now. So we probably need to up our life insurance. And when we did, it just feels it just kind of gives you like this extra blanket of security. Like, you know what, if something were to happen to Winston, we're going to be okay. If something were going to happen to me, they're going to be okay. Not emotionally for a long time, but financially they will be.

And the fact that that's taken care of, it gives me such peace of mind. So make sure to go to zander.com to look at the rates today. All right. Another life change that could happen is you have a baby. Yes, man, babies change everything. Is that a song? I feel like it should be because it's true. It's insane.

They also change your budget. So there's going to be things that you are going to be buying that's, well, you got to buy. So things like diapers. Some of you out there, you do cloth diapers, and that's great. Good for you. I don't. So diapers just, they're expensive. So if you want to save money, you want to go clothed diaper out, you're welcome to you.

That's great. But diapers are expensive. Like I just had to go buy Charles. He's in size five now. And like this massive box of pambers. And it was like, oh my gosh, so crazy. That's so crazy. So it gets expensive.

If you're doing formula, it gets expensive. And then you talk about who's going to take care of the baby. If you're going back to work, child care, I mean, it costs a lot of money. So you're going to put that in the budget. Your health insurance, that may look different. You may want to go on a family policy, or if you or your spouse have better insurance with one of your works and you open up something else for the family while someone else has an individual policy, if that's what you choose to do. I mean, there's a lot of things financially that change when you have a baby. And always with a baby, remember that they can either be as expensive as you want them to be or they can be as cheap as you want them to be.

There's a lot of places you can cut out of the budget, a lot of places you can go crazy with, but the baby, it changes the budget. So get ready. Also, a divorce. So this is a really tough one. When you're ever going through something really hard in life, you guys, meaning like a divorce, maybe a death in your family, a spouse or something, always know not to make major financial decisions in the first 12 months. So if you're getting divorced, whatever you can do not to make big financial life decisions

is going to be really crucial. Again, just wait about a year because there's going to be a lot of grief, a lot of sadness, a lot of pain, a lot of things to work through. And sometimes you can make some poor financial decisions when you're under that of stress or grief. And so just giving yourself time to heal, don't make any big decisions. And a divorce is one of those. So there is going to be some changes in your budget if you're going through a divorce. So you're going to have some fees tacked on, maybe attorney's fees. So as much as you can know on the front end to save up and to figure out how much that's going

to cost, make and change, if you have child support coming in, if you have alimony coming in, or if you have none of that and you're having to go back to work or cut down your income, whatever it looks like, you have to be very, very diligent to make sure that you still are living within your means. Again, a day-to-day purchasing, it's going to be really crucial to know, okay, here's the amount of money I have, here's this new life circumstance that I'm under, and your money's going to change with that. So don't let the change absolutely paralyze you. You're going to have to make some small decisions day in and day out to help with your financial situation. But again, no major, major financial decisions need to be made in those first 12 months.

Another category of change is death. And this happens whether it's you passing away or someone that you love passing away. Now, if you are the one that is responsible for looking at the will, looking at their wishes, planning the funeral, this can take a long time, you guys. I mean, there's so many details out there when someone does pass and you're having to gather so much information. So something you can do for your family to make it easier if something happens to you is just to have a point. place in the house where everything is. So like Winston I, we have like one file cabinet you pull out and everything is there. I mean, like all the important papers, everything we need to know, it's right there. And I think that that's really crucial. If you can do that for your family,

that's going to help them so, so much as something happens to you. But again, if you're the one that's having to find all of that, whether it's, you know, one of your parents have passed away or again, a spouse, it takes a lot of effort, a lot of work. So get as many people behind you as possible. And again, just like I said with the divorce, don't make it. any big life decisions financially in that first year. Have time to process, have time to grieve, have time to heal because it is, it's a big life change. It really is, and it's really, really hard, but this will give you a little bit more peace to know that you're not making any unwise decisions with your money. All right, guys, we covered a lot there. But when life changes,

your budget and your finances are going to change. So as intentional as you can be, the better off your financial world's going to look. So again, budgeting, it's telling your money where to go. I love a budget, no matter where you are in life, it's really going to be a tool to help you gain control of your money. So again, you guys, life change is going to happen. And money isn't the only thing that impacts your life during change. Your emotions are impacted as well, which can lead to comparison. And that's why I'm so excited for you to hear my conversation with Jamie Ivy on how to love your life right now, right where you're at. So take a listen. you guys, I'm so excited because Jamie Ivy is here. Hi, Rachel. Jamie, thanks for being here.

So glad to be here. Okay, so if you're not familiar with her, you're probably like living under a rock because her podcast, it's like always in the top, what? One, two slots. You're nice. Thank you. You're always, it's always there. Thank you so much. Great guests and all of it. I enjoy it. Okay, so you're in Texas. Yes. Austin. Austin. With babies. Well, they're not babies. They're not babies. I say babies. I mean, they're still your babies. They're big. Like, I have, my son is about to get his driver's license. So that's where we are. So I have 16, 15, 14, 12. So new world. You're going to love it. I think so because they can like dress themselves. They can dress themselves. They can feed themselves. They can put themselves to bed.

They can survive without you, basically. That's a good feeling. That's a good feeling for sure. But you're, you have such, I think through your podcast and through all the content you do, you just always bring such lights to things in our world. And so one of the things that I love is that you talk about creating a life that you love where you are. So tell me a little bit about your story, kind of how you got there. Yeah, I think that I've experienced what a lot of people have experienced, especially a woman, a woman who's married and a woman who has children. So if you're one of those, then you might understand what I'm about to say. Is there the seasons in my life where I was at home with kids? And I remember just thinking, like, is this, is this it? Like, is this what I'm

going to be doing? And the truth of the matter is, yes, that was it. And it took me a while to truly believe that that was it and it mattered and it was still good. And so I had to learn that the hard way, a lot of tears, a lot of wishing for someone else's life instead of looking at the life that God had me in right at that moment. And every, if you want to say, season has been different when I was not married and working. When I was working after marriage, everything's been different. But I've had to really focus in and learn and think, okay, how am I going to be faithful and fruitful right where I am? And so that's kind of what I've been learning. Oh, but it's so good. Because the seasonal, that word is so huge because men are women, but I'd say maybe even more so

women. I don't know why. I feel that way. Probably because I'm a woman and I can relate to women. But it changes so often. And your desires change. Your heart changes. Your stage of life changes. Your kids are changing. I mean, there is. There's so much. And it can be really hard not to compare yourself, like you said, to everyone else. And I talk about comparison. We talk about it so much here on the show because it's such a huge part of the money factor that people end up in such debt to keep up a lifestyle that they think everyone has, right? But the heart issue is huge. So you talk a lot about that as well and not to play that comparison game. And I think, sorry to interrupt you, I think the comparison too is when we're comparing

each other's quote unquote seasons like we're going to use, but they don't look different. I mean, if we're going to just talk about seasons in general, fall in Texas looks a little different than fall in the Northeast. You know what I mean? And so same season, same time of year, very different atmosphere. And so I think the trouble also comes when you're looking at someone who either you think you're supposed to be in that season or life is supposed to look like that. and it doesn't, then you start to think,

there must be something wrong with me. And then you start to compare their life seems better because they're where they're supposed to be. And mine must not be as good. And I think that's a lie that we have to combat as women, especially, to look around and, I mean, I have so many things, like to cheer each other on, to be for each other, but to also look around and go,

what she's doing is not exactly where I have to be at this moment. And so that comparison, it can be suffocating. I mean, if you give in to that, comparison trap, you can't get out of it. I didn't want to say that. It's very difficult. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Because you can do it every day with everything. I mean, from the smallest thing, Rachel, this summer, I have a friend who has a garden like I cannot explain to you. Every day she's one of those. She's one of those. She's one of those. And I love her because when I go to her house, I leave with vegetables. But every day, she posts a big basket. She's like, here's my daily. And I look at my garden.

that's dead and may have two tomatoes left. And I think she's such a better woman than me. She's providing for a family. But the truth is, I'm just not a gardener. It's not in me. I try every year. And as funny as that sounds, I did find myself this summer going, I have the same time she has,

Jamie, why can't you just plant water your garden? Just remember to water your garden. It's not that hard. But it's just, that's a passion that she has that I don't have. So if I'm going to compare myself to her, I'm never going to live up to that because I'm not ever going to have a basket full of vegetables unless I buy them from whole foods.

Right, right. And that's where I get my vegetables. And your whole food's even better than where I probably shop. But that is, it's, God, there's so much truth in that because it's so, it is so exhausting. Because I've done it. Yeah, me too. And you see someone else doing something, you're like, oh, man,

like look at their gifting. And then when you try to do that, you're like, that's not how God created me. Right. He did not create me like that. And thank God. Right. And that's when I feel like you have to almost be selfish in a healthy way of looking at yourself to be like,

hey, what are the gifts? What do I have to offer? What is it in my life that God's calling me to in this season? So finding happiness where you're at is so key to so much. Now, when it comes to like the money parts, I see people all the time. I mean, they change their whole life. Like when they find contentment, they're willing to sacrifice to get out of death. They're willing to do things in their life to change it completely.

And it's such the opposite of like the American dream. Totally. So do you ever see that? Like I know you're not, you don't speak about money all the time. No, but it's true. When you interact with people, I'm just curious, when people find happiness where they're at, do you see their spending habits change? Well, I think that they would for sure.

I've seen it myself. And I see it that when I'm not constantly yearning to be somebody that I'm not. Because sometimes that takes money to be somebody that you're not. Yes. I need a new car. I need new clothes. I need all of these things because that's what she's doing. So I need that.

So I found that when I'm more content with who I am and how God's gifted me, then I'm like, I don't have to have that. to be successful, even though she has it. And the truth is, I don't even know how she has it. Maybe she makes a lot of money. You know what I mean? And so that's fine if she has it. So it's this line of like, I don't care if you have that. But if I'm desiring that just so I can be like you, I think that that really affects our money. And so not doing that is going to help you save more money. Yes. And that's like the difference between her jealousy and envy is jealousy. It's like, oh, I want what you have. Envy is I want what you have and I don't want you to have it.

That, like, hurts me. That, like, envious spirit is like, it's a good checkpoint to think through when you see people having stuff. Yeah. And you don't have the bandwidth or the emotional bandwidth to do that when you're constantly looking at others. And, okay, that's so funny. Yours is gardening.

Mine is, like, crafts and stuff. I was just talking to someone right before we started shooting. And we were like, because I, she's in, Amelia's in kindergarten now. And so one of my friends, she has a little boy in second grade. And, you know, they're talking about homework and all this and all the crafts he's having to do now. And I was like, oh, no. I'm out.

I already felt myself being like, I'm the least creative. person you've ever met your entire life. And I was like, that's like giving me hives thinking, I know Emily's going to walk in one day at elementary school and her solar system project is going to look like we found trash off the street and it's planet. And put them on a hangar. Yeah. I don't even know what it's going to look like because I'm not going to be good at that. And I know that people are, it's going to be able. So I'm like any stage of life you're in, it is so, it's so huge. I have a friend that's kind of like that. She's very crafty and she's also very thoughtful. And so every year when our kids were little and they would take gifts to

their teachers, I'm talking, it had a personalized note with a mug and some homemade cocoa and like the cutest little card and she would send me pictures of it and I'd send her a picture of like the Starbucks card that I bought. Yes. But here's what I think is so cool is that I think that's an amazing gift of hers and I don't have it. I don't have it and I can't pretend like I have it because when I try to do that, I'm so stressed out because I cannot, I can't come up with a rhyme.

I can't make the cocoa. I cannot do it and it stresses me out. But she loves to do it. And so I can be a friend that's like, that's a amazing. amazing that you can do that. I'm never going to be able to do it. I'm going to buy Starbucks gift cards because it's all I can do. And that's how I am. And that's okay. That's okay. A hundred percent. And there's that level of contentment. Yeah. Like you're talking about finding that. So what other ways do you feel like, you know, really climbing out of that

comparison trap? Because again, I talk about it on like the money side and how to find that contentment in your heart. But I think the life, your life and comparing others, I mean, it's just so, still so huge. One thing that's been really helpful for me is that I found is that when I am really for somebody and I'm cheering them on, it's really hard for me to be jealous of them. And I mean like genuine cheering them on. So I have a friend right now who's struggling because she's not married, okay? And she's in that like season where you think you should be married or people tell you that you should, which is a whole other show here. But, totally, totally. But for me to be genuinely for her and for her to be genuinely for my marriage in the midst of her longing for that, it helps her to

not be jealous of my marriage. Or when I think professionally and I see someone who their career is, is just taking off and they are killing it. When I can be a friend to them and be genuinely excited for them, that kills the jealousy in my heart. Because I cannot be for someone cheering for them and want their life and be jealous for them at the same time. They can't coexist. Yes.

And so for me, that has been this kind of lifelong goal of I'm going to be four people. I'm going to be a cheerleader. I'm going to be cheering them on and be their biggest fan. Because it's like a check for me. I can't be jealous of Rachel if I'm so far. for you. And I really want the best for you, which I do. So then I can't be jealous. Yes. Oh. And it's like, yeah. And I think for women, too, I'm like, that whole statement, what you just said, I mean, that's within parenting. That's within marriage like you're saying. Or if you're single,

career, all of it, like it is. But there's a level of security that you have to feel within yourself to even be able to do that. So I have you, because you wrote a new book called UBU, which I want to talk about. But like, what work did you do? To define that security. and who you are and that identity, which is huge, because you have to get that first, then to be able to overflow and say, yep, I can cheer you on because I really, really am genuinely content and believe that I am where I'm supposed to be for a reason. So I kind of got thrown into this world of podcasting and speaking and writing. Before I had kids, I was a teacher.

And then I was staying at home. And my goal in life was when my last kid goes to kindergarten, I'm going to go back to teaching. And I love teaching. I love coaching. But life kind of threw me a little bit of a curveball. And it's a very long story, but I won a contest in my city to be an on-air morning show host. No way. Yes.

So I sent an audition tape. I'd never spoken to your microphone before. I auditioned. I ended up winning. And so I go from teacher in my previous live, stay-at-home mom, to now on-air live at 6 a.m. With an amazing team. Yes. It's amazing.

What made you even do that? Because I don't know. Jesus? Maybe Jesus. But like, seriously, I'm like, if you're a stay-at-home mom, you're like, no, I have this other thing I'm going to do. Isn't that interesting, though? I think there's someone asked me that the other day, and I think there has always been a little bit of something in me.

That's like, I think I want to do something like this. I want to use my voice. And so I just did it. I love it. And I did it knowing I'm probably not going to win. Like it wasn't like I was like, all my eggs are in this basket. It literally was like, I don't know, this seems fun. Then you waited and didn't get your own show.

Yes. And so we're like close to the contest being over. And my husband and I go out to dinner and he goes, can we talk about what we're going to do if you start working? And I was like, Bay, listen, I'm not going to win. Like, what are the chances? And I won. So that kind of catapulted me into this whole new idea like, oh, I like this world of doing things.

And so when I started hosting with If Gathering and doing a podcast and writing books, a lot of my friends were already doing that. And so there was a lot of insecurity that I brought to the table because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to do this. I didn't know how to stand on a stage and talk to people. My friends did that. And so then I would look at them and be, okay, be like her. Then you'll be successful.

And I found out really quickly that I can't be them because I would try and I would get off the stage and feel like a failure, a fake, a fraud. And I had to come to the conclusion that if anybody wants me to do anything, if they want to listen to my podcast, if they want to watch me on YouTube, if they want to read my books, they actually want me. And so I had to put to death a lot of ideas of what I should be like because my other friends were successful in what they were doing. And that's hard. It's really hard because as women, like, I want to do my best and I want to do everything well that I do.

But I realized I wasn't satisfied when I was trying to be somebody else. The success was theirs. And so I had to figure out, I want to own my own voice and use my own gifts and my own talents. And I'm never going to be what other people are because I'm, I was never created to be them. I'm created to be myself. And so that concept and idea, I wish that happened overnight, but that was a battle over years of me trying to figure out,

what is my voice? Where can I use it to be the best? And you know what, Rachel? Like, I look back and I didn't get a voice when I started having a public platform. Like, I've had the same voice my whole life. I was influencing my children in the home. I used to teach fifth grade Sunday school.

I was influencing those. I was a teacher. I volunteered at the county jail. So voices don't just happen for people. on stages or people with microphones. That's right. Yep. Everybody has a voice and has influence right where they are.

And I think the sooner we can figure that out, the sooner we can really trust God and be satisfied with where he's put us. All right. One of my favorite packages to ever show up on my door is my tuft and needle mattress. I've got a couple now. And seriously, I love this mattress. You guys know exactly how it is. When you're juggling the demands of mom and wife and work and friend and so many other things,

good sleep is a must. And I've never slept better. Tuftan Needle is the best rated mattress on Amazon with over 100,000 five-star reviews. So try it out. You can get a mattress starting as low as $3.99. Plus, it ships free. And you can keep it up to 100 nights risk-free. So if I'm wrong, just send it back. Go to tn.com to get started. That's tn.com. That is such truth because I've even said just recently, the last two years, I've realized just within my work, right? Because, and I think this is a unique place to be for me too, right? For years starting this, I was like, okay, what do they, what do people want? Because they expect day for amsy. Yes. My dad, right? And I'm like, so you kind of craft and figure out, okay, well, he does this and this, yeah, yeah. And then over time, I'm like, no, no, no, I'm like,

I'm not a bald, 60-year-old, me. That is not me. That is not my personality. Like, there's parts of them that are great. I love it. Yeah. But that's no. So, like, it was weird comparing myself to a man. And your dad. Which is bizarre. Yes. Yes. But then going through that journey, and it is, it's a journey.

And then realizing, it probably hit me about two or three years ago where I was like, I leave work energized. Because I realize I am not, I don't have to work to be someone else. And there is such life in that. And like you're saying, it's not that you have to do that, you know, if you have a camera in your face all the time. But if you live your life, even as a stay-at-home mom, when you go to play dates with kids, if you're leaving there exhausted because you're trying to be someone else, like, it's

not good for them. Oh, no. And it's not good for you. No, no. So you'll give you a practical example. You know when people, they have meal calendars, like they have a baby or whatever. Yes. I used to always sign up for them because here's what I thought.

I am a woman. I don't know why that made me think I need to sign up for it. I'm a Christian, so maybe I should serve people. My husband's a pastor. Like, you know, so I'd be like, okay, I'll bring a meal. I would be anxious because I don't cook. Jane, we're the same person. I like, I keep gift cards to win.

I'm like, you go get you some delivery dudes. You take out whatever you want. So I don't cook, but I would sign up, and then I would be in the kitchen, and my husband would come home, and he's the one that cooks. And so he'd come home and be like, what are you doing? I'm like, I had a baby. I'm taking them a meal. And he's like, I don't know. Can you please help me?

And then he's mad because he's not having to cook meal for somebody else. I'm anxious, and then I show up at their house with this meal that no one should eat, and I didn't make a wreck. And so I had to learn, literally, I will never be that woman at your church who brings your homemade meal. It's just not what I do. there's other things I can do. I can send you a gift card. I can pray for you. I can do lots of other things.

I can't do that. And it's small things like that that I think that seems insignificant. That was actually really major for me to be like I don't have to fill in what I think I'm supposed to do because I'm a woman Christian pastor's wife. I just don't have to do that because it's not what I'm good at. Did you have people in your life that that helped you along the way in that? Because I think that's a big, I mean, not just the meal thing, but that undercurrent, I think specifically as a woman, You get in these sectors of culture

and those demands or those labels are so heavy on you. And so I know, I have a few girlfriends and I feel like we just have great relationship or they know everything, I know everything about them. And we can kind of just level with each other and we have the same value system, which helps. But for the woman that's listening,

it may not have that. How do you recommend her kind of walking out of that? Because, man, those labels and the expectation of what you should be is so heavy. It's so heavy. I think one of the things is kind of maybe sit down and do this little pros and concept, thing. Like, what are the things I think I should be? And then what are, what are actual non-negotiables?

Like, I have to be a nice person. You know what I mean? Like, I need to be kind. I need to be kind. That is, but kindness doesn't equal a casserole. That's what I had to figure out. You know, like, it doesn't, people will say being kind equals this, this, and this. And I had to come to the realization of being kind equals, I'm kind in the ways that best serve me. So I have a friend, Jessica Honiguer. I don't know if you know her. She has taught me so much about being a faithful mom and wife and working and not having to live under those what I should be doing. And she told me a story one time that she was running into Starbucks and she ran into a woman who was like, um, homeroom mom.

Yes. And Jessica immediately felt guilt because she was like, I'm going to work. I haven't been on a field trip. My kids have a working mom. And this mom does everything. And she looked at that mom and she said, I'm so thankful for you because you get to do what you're supposed to be doing by helping in the classroom. And I get to do it. I'm supposed to do it. I'm supposed to to be doing. And that has stuck with me forever because Jessica felt guilt at first, you know, and then she's turned that around and she's like, thank you for being you. And that's been so good for me to be like, okay, I'm not going to choose to live in guilt or shame. My husband helps me with that is that he's not putting these, here's what you should be doing. He's like, I know,

I see your gifts, live in them. And so that has been helpful for me. And then just those girlfriends too that can know when I'm trying to be me or when I'm trying to become someone else. And they're like, I'm not having any of that. You need. did not do that because I don't know, that doesn't even sound like you, Jamie, what are you doing? And so having those girlfriends to come alongside has been really helpful. Yes, but the community. And so finding that. Like, if you need that in your life, it's so, so, so important.

I'm like, we're not created to walk alone. Right. And when you're tackling subjects like this, that are, that is a lot. It's a lot. But, man, having those people to speak into your life is so massive. Okay. So part of your book is called On Becoming You, and I love this, because you say, who am I, I becoming instead of being consumed with what I am doing.

So versus what you're doing is one thing. And it celebrated so much in our culture today, like what you're doing. Oh, you're doing this and this, but who am I becoming is like the inner work. Yes. It's kind of talked me through that. That kind of came, that chapter was birth. I was having a conversation with a friend. And she was, in my eyes, she was killing it.

She was writing great material for our church. She was involved in a bunch of different ministries. I mean, I would look at her and think, you are just doing exactly what you're supposed be doing. And she quit. And I was like, what happened? And she said, I would look to the mirror and I didn't like who I was becoming. And I said, what do you mean? She goes, I was just working, working, working. And I was doing so many good things, but I wasn't becoming a better follower of Jesus. I wasn't becoming more in love with him. And that stuck with me. And it made me think, okay, what about my life? Am I just concerned with what I'm doing? Because we can get to the end of our life. I mean, we all know

this. You can get to the end. You're on your deathbed. And you have a lot of accolades. You have accomplished a lot. You have done a lot. People would look at you and go, that is a successful woman. But what if deep in your heart you realize, I'm miserable. I'm unhappy.

I don't have real close relationships because all I did was either work or parent or be a wife, whatever, fill in the blank. I don't have close relationships. I don't love Jesus any more than I did when I was 40. I mean, that scares me. I do not want to get there. And so I think something that I've had to do

and that I talk about in the book is to focus more on what is happening on the inside. Because people just see the outside. Yeah. Like, honestly, I can see all the amazing things Rachel Cruz is doing. But who you're becoming, that is between you and the Lord. And honestly, I also think that is what's going to rise up when we get into, like, tough situations.

Oh, absolutely. I mean, we're all sitting in 2020 where we're going, what's going on? Like, it's so crazy. And I think we've all had to kind of had these inner things of, wait, who am I? Because a lot of what I was doing is gone. A lot of people have lost their doing. So then who's left? And I think that's been a good wake-up call for so many people.

Doing is great. You love your job. I love my job. But when all of our jobs get canceled, who are you? Who are you? Yes. Amen, sister.

And so I'm learning. I'm fighting that because that's hard. It's really hard. And your identity, whether, and again, we're in unique careers because it's public-facing, but that identity can be in any room mom, right? I mean, like, seriously, like, and that's a healthy checkpoint. It is. And it is.

And, like, it's like, man, there's just, there's such power and the character and what is going on in you. So. I see that with moms a lot with parenting is they will devote, I don't know, 18 to 25 years to these people. And they just do, do, do, do. And listen, I love being a mom, four kids. Yes. Parenting is one of, like, God's greatest gifts to me. But when they all leave, and in most homes, they will, there are different situations.

but when they all leave, who am I? Like, what have I become? Because if I'm just Caden, Amos, Deacon, and Story's mom, well, they're going to go on, and they're going to have families, and they might not come home for Thanksgiving because they go someplace else. What does that leave me? And that is just like a really practical example of, I have to be more than just that and doing that,

or else I'm going to have a really hard wake-up call in about six years. And I think our generation, I was talking to my counselor about this just two weeks ago, actually. Like, I feel like I'm like a little bit on the cusp. We're in the cusp of the generation that I feel like our gifts outside the home are celebrated in a great way. And again, that is, we have gifts all over the place. And I'm kind of in a season, honestly, where I'm like, I desire to be home more. Because my three babies at home, all of that. So I almost have shifted the other way a little bit.

But I'm so thankful that we are. because I look at my mom's generation, and I've talked to some of her friends and even her, and like, yeah, and that was it, right? And so if you are in the younger generation, if you will, I don't know, there's a beauty and a freedom to explore that. And so, like, that's what I would encourage you to do is if you have that in you, like, go explore it. Ask questions, test out, sign up to be a radio host at 6 a.m. Yeah. Like, to kind of figure it out. Or on the flip side, if your desire, which again, I can relate to this now more than ever my life, is just to be home with babies. I'm like, oh, I get that too. Like, I do, and that's it. That's it. But that desire is what you want to listen to because it's God-given. When I won that job at the radio station, I thought this is the start of my career. Like, I found something I really love.

I am going to be a host at a radio station for the rest of my life. It was so much fun, Rachel. But our family, we have three kids through adoption, and my last one had only been home one year. And so then when I started working, everything kind of fell apart at home. So four months in, I had to make the hardest decision, and I had to come back home. And so that to me was this example of, okay, you can keep doing and you can succeed and you can work your way up here. But who are you going to be becoming and who are your kids going to be becoming? And so I have been on both sides of that of I need to go home.

I need to go home. And now it looks a little different where I'm like, I'm kind of going out more. But I understand that pull. And you're so right, you have to listen because it's not the same for everybody. But you got to know what is your family need. What do you need? And then you've got to fight that tension and figure. it out. And it's worth it. It's worth the fight for everybody. Absolutely. Even if it's uncomfortable,

it's scary. Push in. Yeah. You be you. You be you. Right, Jamie. Yes. Okay. Your new book. Yes. You be you. I love the title. I love the title. I love that. I was like, yes. It's so good. Thank you. Okay. Where can people pick it up. Anywhere you buy books. Jamie Ivy. You can find everything there and I hang it on Instagram a lot. So I like Instagram. I do. But you can get it wherever you get books. Yeah. And your podcast. Podcast, the happy art Jamie Ivy. Super fun. I'm glad you listen. I do. I love it. It's so fun. I love it so much.

Such a great podcast. Well, you're doing incredible work. Jamie, thanks for being here. Thank you. And I'm so excited for the new book. Thanks, Rachel. Can't wait. Being a parent is hard today,

especially when screens are everywhere. And you want to feel good about what your kids are watching without worry. That's why my family loves Minnow. It's a new streaming service created just for kids. With over 2,000 hand-picked episodes that's rooted in a Christian perspective, Minow helps your child learn about Jesus,

the Bible, and all the amazing things that God has created. So feel more comfortable about your media choices that you're making and start watching Minnow today. Download the Mino app or visit gomino.com. That's G-O-M-I-N-O dot com to get your free trial. Oh, isn't she just wonderful? Gosh, Jamie, I-N-V.

Oh, I'm glad you got to hear that conversation. And it's always fun to have guests on because when they're just as wonderful, when the cameras are not rolling, makes you love them even more. And that was Jamie. She's just wonderful all around. All right, again, we've been talking a lot about life change in this episode and not just how it affects your money, but your life as well. And so this question came from my Facebook community,

and Samantha asks, we're in the middle of Baby Step 2, and we want to start a family within the next year. We hope to be done with Baby Step 2 by then. Any tips or tricks or ideas on financial goals to set to help ease the financial hit that comes with having a baby? looking and mentally calculating the cost of even formula, diapers, and basic baby supplies. Who, Samantha, girl, that is a life transition. Having a baby.

So fun. Starting a family is so great. And so what you want to do, though, financially is to be wise about it. Now, Samantha, you sound like you're on a roll with the baby steps. So proud of you guys. But if you get pregnant, when you get pregnant, pause. Pause baby step to when that happens and just start stockpiling money. that happens before you're out of baby step two, again, pause that. Now, if you complete baby step

two and you're not pregnant yet, then what I would do is, okay, start on to baby step three, because that's going to be your fully funded emergency fund, and that way you'll have some cash in the bank when the baby comes. Now, when it comes to the cost of a baby, well, gosh, it just varies so much. I mean, like your first baby, you're probably going to spend more money on, let's be honest parents, right? I mean, you just go crazy. I became like a personal shopper for this, like, tiny human because I was obsessed with all the baby. clothes. I had a girl, and she had little headbands. I mean, it was like the whole thing, the whole dang thing. Sweet Caroline, our middle. I mean, I give myself like a, like a five point,

I don't give myself a six. I'll round up. I was a six out of ten on the personal shopping scale. I bought some stuff, but, you know, really, it was hand-me-downs, and I wasn't just as concerned. And then you get to the third kid, poor Charles, as long as he has a diaper on, I feel like I'm winning in life. So, like, I care nothing about any of that anymore. Half the stuff he uses is pink because I'm like, you're going to be fine. Like, gosh, it's just crazy how your mentality shifts so much between the number of kids. But that first one, yeah, you naturally probably are going to spend more just out of the excitement. So what you want to do, though, is look at those basic needs.

And I love that you said that already, whether it's diapers, formula, all of it. And you really could just go on Amazon or Target, Walmart, like wherever you buy stuff and just say, okay, I'm going to price out how many diapers we're going to need it a month, how much formula we're going to buy in a month. and you can go and figure that out, kind of calculate it, and at least get a guesstimate of, okay, this is how much it's going to cost to spend on the baby per month and give yourself a little bit of grace, especially the first few months, because you really won't know until everything is happening and life is going. So I would say that.

I would say, man, go on Craigslist, buy some used stuff. You could invest into some nice baby items that you choose, but you do not have to go crazy with it. and I think a lot of people do. And if you're like me and you do go a little crazy, you look back, you're like, oh my gosh, that was just, that was insane. Why did I do that? Why did I spend all that money?

But it is a fun time and what an exciting life change for you guys. Well, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of the podcast. I love talking to you guys and just giving you the tools to help you in your everyday life. And let's be honest, things change in life all the time. It's like the one thing we can count on is change. So I just want you to be as prepared as you can. especially when it comes to your money. If you have not subscribed to this podcast,

make sure you do that. And if the spirit leads, you can leave a review. And as always, make sure you take control of your money and create a life you love. If you guys enjoyed this podcast, we have more from the Ramsey Network,

like the Chris Hogan Show. I am so excited to be able to talk to you all week in and week out. We're going to talk about your money, your life, your dreams, and your goals. You know why? Because I'm your coach. Whether we're talking about building wealth, paying off your home early, investing, paying for college, and guess what? How to become an everyday millionaire. We're going to focus on taking your calls because you matter to me. Together, we can do this. This is the Chris Hogan Show. To hear full episodes, just search Chris Hogan wherever you listen to podcast or go to chrishogan 360.com.