The Rachel Cruze Show - Let’s Talk About Racism . . .

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Ramsey Personality Anthony ONeal is a good friend of mine, and in this episode, we talk about racial tension in our country, white privilege and how white people can show our black friends we care. �� Follow Anthony on Instagram: @anthonyoneal   Sponsors pay the producer of this show, The Lampo Group, LLC, advertising fees for mentioning their services or products during programming. Advertising fees are not based upon or otherwise tied to any product sale or business transacted between any consumer or sponsor. The following sponsors have paid for the programming you are viewing:   Tuft & Needle Just Between Friends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If racism is going to change, it starts with one person at a time. My good friend, Anthony O'Neill. I just think that white people need to understand, just be willing to have the uncomfortable conversation. Pushing against that feeling of being uncomfortable is really important to educate yourself to know. I just believe birds of a feather flock together. You know, we can't just say, I'm not racist, but then you're chilling with racist people. That is important. Hey guys, welcome to the Rachel Cruise Show podcast.

So glad that you're here. Well, this episode is a little different. we're not going to be talking money. We're actually going to be talking about all the racial discussions that have been going on in our culture. And at first, I kind of was like, man, I felt a little late to the game, you know, talking about the subject. But then in a way, I'm like, I'm kind of glad we are talking about it right now because COVID-19, I feel like has been flooding the news even more. And I'm like, we need to keep bringing this issue up. And the death of George Floyd was just horrific and terrible. But I think what it did is it brought a lot of awareness.

and I know for me and my journey of talking to people and studying and reading and listening, this is a really important topic, you guys. And I am passionate about helping you with your money, but I'm also passionate about a lot of things in life, including having people being treated as equals. And it is such a sensitive conversation, but it's such a needed one. And so Anthony O'Neill, one of our whimsy personalities, is one of my great friends. And we have these discussions, as you'll hear coming up on the interview all the time. Like we've, we've had them for the last five years. And I just think it's

really important to see someone else's perspective, put yourself in someone else's shoes, and really have this viewpoint of a really tough conversation, but one that needs to be had. And so, again, this podcast is a little different. But I'm really excited for you to hear Anthony and I's conversation on racial reconciliation. Hey, you guys. Well, today I have my good friend Anthony O'Neill, A-O-on with me. Welcome back. What's up, Rach? I know it's COVID, but we're family.

We're family. Okay, so, Anthony and I, just like friendship history, we've known each other for how long now? Five years. Five years. And Anthony is, like, one of my go-to friends that I feel comfortable to come to him

with specifically racial issues, racial questions, anything. He's like, my guy. And I'm kind of your girl. Absolutely. with the opposite, right? Absolutely. I mean, you know, Rachel, I remember we all were at a dinner and I was leaving. You came out and you was talking about my Black History panel and you just, I was like,

yo, Rachel's real cool. I can have, like you said, a comfortable conversation, but it could be hard questions. Yes. And you'll educate me. And you've helped me out a lot, especially coming from where I come from to here. Who, Rachel has saved me. No. No, it's vice versa.

But we all know what's going on in the world right now and some major. racial, man, head-to-head stuff happened, whether it was George Floyd. I mean, tons of stuff that came out recently, and you guys know about this. And I'd say we're probably even a little late to the game. But Anthony and I were talking and I was like, okay, let's just talk about it. Like, let's just get a perspective out there that hopefully you guys have had these kind of conversations, but if not, maybe this conversation will enlighten you. It'll help you. Maybe open your eyes. Because I'll say this, and I've told you this, even in the last, you know, few months, I feel like I've even learned more

about whether it's black history, redlining with real estate back in the day. I mean, like, all these things that happened in our country, sadly, that I'm sad and embarrassed to say, like, I didn't know some of this stuff. And I did more intentional research, listen to more talks, watch more things, read more things than I probably ever have

in a collective amount of time when this happens. And I came to you a lot, texting you, asking you questions, and I just feel like we just had, you're just a great resource for sure. I have other black friends, but Anthony is... I'm the best one. Yeah, he's honestly probably like my favorite, yeah. One of my favorite people to talk to about this.

But I want to know you came, obviously, from... Yeah. Kind of talk about your backgrounds and kind of what brought you here at Ramsey to begin with, just to know your perspective. Yeah, yeah. So my perspective, before joining Ramsey Solutions, I was an associate pastor at a mega all-black church.

And so here's the history of that black church so people can really understand how deep I come from it. Bethel Baptist Church was the first Baptist church for African Americans after slavery. So people would leave. They couldn't, you know, back in the days in Jacksonville, they couldn't worship on the same floor with the white people. So they would worship on top. And so they fought and they came out. And when they came out, they named their church Bethel. And so my church is a historic building in the city of Jacksonville, Florida, about 30,000 members that they have there.

And it's literally 99.9% African Americans. And so coming from that and coming here to where it's about 98% all white people, which is nothing wrong with that, it was a huge, huge culture shock for me. But people like yourself, your dad, you know, some other our team members here, because of having those conversations and honestly giving me grace to ask questions without feeling wrong. Really helped me out. But grew up in an all-black community, grew up in the country. And so I really wasn't exposed to a lot of multiracial stuff growing up. And so that's just really my background. Yeah. well, it's good because I think that perspective is so key.

So with, again, it's such a heightened topic right now. It's a very sensitive topic. And I know I can say for me as a white person, I always, I'm probably less guarded with you because I feel like I can just like ask it probably in the wrong way. And if you say it's wrong way, I'll tell you. You can't correct me in a very nice way, but you can't say that right. I'm like, okay, I don't know, I don't know. But what are some things that you feel like it's really important for white people to know

about black people during this time? You know, right now I think it's one thing I like about you, Rachel, was when you ask questions, you don't just ask questions and then leave it there. You actually come to me like, hey, Anthony, I watch this, I read this, can you help me understand this a little bit more? So you've already showing me as an African American that you're actually willing to go do some research on your own and something that you just can't click because of your culture. Hey, I'm going to go ask Anthony. I'm going to ask someone else. And for us, as black people, we value that. Like, we value that.

And so instead of for asking us questions, show us that you actually care and that you're willing to take the time to say, hey, let's just sit down. Me and my husband will sit down. We were just going to learn together. And then if you have more questions, now that's an intelligent conversation because now we can both have a conversation together. You know, so that's one thing. It's just go out there and just do the research and just expose yourself. and you'll be able to learn what we're going through. Number two, a lot of people, I'm going to tell you,

is where people mess up at a lot. They come to me as a black person and say, how are you feeling? I think the very first thing you need to say is, how are you feeling? You know, like, you came to me when to George Ford was like, man, that was wrong. What happened to George was wrong.

It's terrible, yeah. For me to hear you say that as a white person that that was wrong, that made me even more comfortable to have a conversation with you because I know in your heart, you're like, okay, that was wrong. You're not just asking me how I felt, but then in your heart is like, no, he deserved it or whatever it is. So to show that, you know, hey, what's happening is wrong, I'm sorry about that.

What can we do? How can we come together? Those are just two major things. Do the research. Ask the right questions after your research. But then, too, let us know, like, hey, what's happening? That's wrong. Yep.

And I would say, as a white person, I think there was a level of ignorance that I had. And the more and more, you know, I dug into this stuff, I'll be honest, like, the harder it was. There were points that, like, I was like, I couldn't even watch the George Floyd whole thing. I think I even told you that. I remember? I was like, anything I couldn't even finish it. I just had to stop. And you said, Rachel, watch it.

I did, but it was terrible. But I didn't want to. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm like, part of the hesitation, I think maybe for some white people was like, I know the answer that's probably out there. I don't, I wish it wasn't that answer. And I wish that didn't happen. And I don't even want to see it. I don't want to hear about it because it just, it's so terrible.

So I feel like pushing against that feeling of being uncomfortable is really important to educate yourself to know. Something else I want to talk to about, Ellie Holcomb is one of my friends. And we were just having a conversation. And she mentioned this. And I was like, that is so true. She said she grew up and culture was like, be colorblind. Be colorblind. And I, and I would say that was, you know, I.

Don't do that. No, no, that's what we're going to talk about right now. Because, no, but, Anthony, for real, for so long as a white person, I was like, no, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you are. But then I found that I realized through this journey and tell me if I'm wrong, it almost can, that's offensive because you want to, you want to celebrate that. So talk through, like, when people say, well, I'm colorblind. How does that make you feel? Man, when people say, I don't see your color, I am very.

You are like, you do, though, right? Like, how can you not? I'm like, no, but you do that. You do? Like, you don't see color? Yes, you do, because you're talking to me. How can you not see this skin that God made? Like, he made me a black man.

So I'm not ashamed to be a black man. And honestly, I'm not ashamed that you're a white woman. God made us this color. If you're Hispanic, if you're Puerto Rican, whatever you were. Right, right. So don't say you don't see color because if when I hear that, honestly, I hear as if you don't see me. So, like, I'm a proud black man.

And that's like me saying I don't see color when I look at you. I do. You know, and there's nothing wrong. And I think that's, I don't want to go back, but we always just do this. We're just in the office having a conversation. This is like twice a week. Twice a week. Twice a week.

Honestly. You know, but it's like there's nothing wrong. And I think all, I think white people need to hear this. And I'm going to say this. Black people don't think every white person is a racist or every white person is bad. We don't think that. Like there's, there's no way. You know, you're one of my closest friend.

My public says, Heidi, she's white. I mean, my whole team, man, they're some cool, loving white people. I just think that white people need to understand, just be willing to have the uncomfortable conversation. Yes. And I've met some people who I thought were racist in the beginning simply because they couldn't do what you and I are doing. Because they were a little nervous.

They were scared. Then they were like, I don't see colors. Now, wait a minute. Are you trying to cover up something? Are you trying to hide something? or are you genuinely just, you know, like what you're saying, trying to be nice and thinking that's what we wanted to hear. But no, see me.

You know, see me and love me for who I am. That's good. And then we're going to be good. Are you guys tired of spending so much money on clothes for your kids all the time just to have them outgrown every season? Well, I am. That's why I love shopping consignments. And just between friends is my new favorite. It's a twice a year consignment marketplace that helps you shop the brands that you love.

love 50 to 90% off. They make it super easy to shop smart and stick to your budget. Find out when just between friends is happening in your area at JBFSAil.com. That's jbfsail.com. Um, quick answer. Quick answer. Do you want to be called black or African American? You know, that's honestly, transparent on this show. That is, that is a, I'm still doing research on that, Rachel. Okay. I'm just being honest. Well, what is that? What do you mean? You know, what do you, what do you looking at. I was born in America, but my family is from Africa. So it's like, I'm black. And then, you know, in my culture, we have, we have this question, though. I'm not African American. I'm black. Or I'm not black. I'm African American. You got people from Africa telling all black people,

come home. Well, I am home. I was born in America. You know, so I don't, I'm still learning, you know, what's the proper thing for me to be teaching my kids when we come up. Are we African-American? because not all African Americans are from Africa. Right, right. So it's like, you know, so that's something that I am still, I don't care. Call me African American, call me black.

Call me Anthony O'Neill. Call me Ayo. Yeah, just call me Ayo. When you hear the word white privilege, what do you think? So before I address white privilege, I like to address the word privilege. And I think there's nothing wrong with privilege.

Because my child is going to have privileges that I didn't have because they're connected to me. You know, I believe privilege is good as long as you're stewarding the privilege well. You know, so you have certain privileges being the daughter of Dave Ramsey, which you're stewarding that well.

You work hard, just like all the other personalities, you're out there working, doing everything that we're doing. That's good steward privilege. Now, when you add the word white privilege in front of it, the African-American people, we think that it's like, You can just walk into one room.

Prime example. Rachel can walk into one room. I can walk into one room. And simply because you're white, you will be chose. That's privilege. That's white privilege. We can have the same degree. We can have the same thing.

How is it that a black person can be making, have the same degree as the white person going to the same job field and studies are showing that the white person make more money? That's white privilege. I think a lot of it just goes back to. just some of the unfortunately unfair things that do happen outside of like our world. Yes. As far as in Ramsey's solutions. For sure, for sure.

No, that totally makes sense. Okay. So what can people be doing, do you think, to help with this issue? Because I'm kind of getting to the point people are saying, which I agree with. They're like, it's not just enough not to be racist. Yeah, yeah. But to go forward and stop jokes, stories, whatever it is, right? like getting to the point that like your threshold is so small for anything like that,

that you stand up and kind of cut that off. What would you say that people, what can people kind of start practicing in their daily life? True story. I'm pastoring at my church, all black church. And me and this guy are up top in the balcony, just doing some stuff for the church. A white person walks in and he just literally starts calling this white person some horrible names that was racist. that was disrespectful and that wasn't Christian-like. That person didn't hear what he said, but I heard it.

And immediately I said, I am not the pastor, but I would fire you today. As a matter of fact, we cannot be connected no more. Because as a man of character and integrity, I can't sit here and say I'm a Christian and I love all people, but then allow one of my friends who I thought was a friend be disrespectful behind closed doors to someone else. So I say that to say, if we're really going to be really going to be. to fight against everything. We have to behind closed doors have integrity and character.

And we have to check our friends. We have to check ourselves, our personal thoughts, you know, our peers. Because if racism is going to change, it starts with one person at a time. Yeah. And it starts internally. You know, no one can come to me and talk about you. No one can come to me and talk to me about my publicists, my team, about Dave, because they know Anthony loves all people, you know. And so I think it really. If we're really going to change, we've got to have that conversation behind closed doors where your peers, oh, this guy or this person or that person, like, no, no, no. We're not going to do that here. And you have to be willing to lose friends who do not care to change.

Yeah. And I think once we do that, that is important. You know, we can't just say, I'm not racist, but then you're chilling with racist people. But you're guilty by association. And I just believe birds of a feather flock together. And so they are, it's going to eventually rub off on you and then it's going to come out. And so, and I've seen that with kids, kids go to the schools here, their peers calling an African-American the N-word, come back home, slip up, and mom and dad laughing. There's nothing funny about that.

You know, so have character, have integrity, and have the honest conversation behind closed doors. That's the most important thing I feel. And do what you do well. That was wrong, A-L. Like, what can we do? When you say that, that opens up so much room for someone to have a conversation. They love you more. They feel more comfortable having a conversation.

And be willing to learn. Like, I got to give it to you, Rachel. You listen because you want to learn. You don't listen because you want to respond. And I think if we can do that, that is so, so good. And that's not just for white people. That's for black people, too. Like, I got to ask you the questions, and I got to listen to learn.

So it goes for everyone. listen to learn, don't listen to respond. That's so great. One of my favorite things, Anthony will say. Rachel, I got a white person question for you. I'm like, bring it on, A.O. I'll answer it for you. All right, one of my favorite packages to ever show up on my door is my tuft and needle mattress.

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It's been a little while, but I remember talking to Winston because I remember looking up and being like, wow, almost, and I'm embarrassing, but I will. Almost everyone we're around looks like us, talks like us, is from kind of the same area, makes the same amount of money. Like, they are literally exactly like us. Yeah. And I was like, this, like, that's unhealthy. Like, sure, you want your core, core people to have the same values as you and, like, all of that. I think there's wisdom in that. But in general, though, most of the people we were, I was like,

and when I talked about it, we're like, we're going to just shake it up. And we did, and we, we found people different religions completely, different races. How is that relationship? It's good. Actually, one of the couples is everything opposite of us. And there's some of our favorites right now in life. Like, I look, because we can have good, but we sit on the porch and we just talk. And again, different political.

So, I mean, everything is so different. But, like, we have such great, and you know what we always say at the end of our conversations, we're always like, we are more alike than we realize in the sense of, like, just human decency of talking and learning. So I would just challenge you that if you look around in everyone, and this is, again, if everyone is the exact same religion as you, if everyone looks just like you, shake it up a little bit. Like, just find someone that believes different or looks different or sounds different. And you just learn a whole lot. you can have a very small world, a very small mind, if that's your life forever, right?

So Rachel, it sounds like you and your husband just stepped outside of your comfort zone. And y'all were intentional about surrounding yourself around different people, which I can tell because since I first met you, I was like, do Rachel is cool. Like, you're easy to talk to. And it's because you're around other people who also are, like, challenging your thought process.

Yes. And that's so dope. And even your father said that, like, he was like, you know, if everyone looks like you and talks like you, then you need a better circle. Yeah, just truly. Shake it up a little bit. Me too, you know? It's like, man, I need.

And it was hard because coming here, my circle forces me to open. I know. That's a hard transition. And we talked about that, but I'm like, it's not even the skin color thing. We talked about this. Yeah. But even just a cultural difference, right? And again, you could plug yourself into different cultures.

I've talked to multiple black people doing this whole thing. and they've had different answers on questions, you know, and again, I was like, okay, that's so interesting. So it's almost like how they grew up, the friends they're around, the culture that they're around, does that change? It maybe changes some of the answers? I mean, even within my own family, we may not agree on certain things. Some of my peers, we have arguments about certain things in the black community. I think we need to do this. They think we need to do that, you know.

Like one of my friends, she was on the black history panel. she's never experienced racism at all. She's never been nervous of anybody, but when you look at her culture, she grew up here in Brentwood. So it's like she hasn't experienced it, but if you was to ask me, do I get nervous when I get put over by the police officers?

I do. You know, that's the truth. I've had some bad encounters with some of them, but let me tell you what helped me out. Then I'll be quiet because this is your show. When I'm driving with your dad, and I saw a white police officer treat your dead, horribly. Like, this guy

employs thousands of people in this county and they were just like, Dave Ramble, who's this? I was like, whoa, so white people get treated bad too? Like, it was just, it was a good exposure for me to see that, but at the same time, still to today. Being honest on your

show, I do get a little nervous. You know, I get it put over. But I know other peers, like, man, please, whatever. I'm good. I'm straight. You know. Yes. Well, and like I said earlier, how I realize at the end of conversation, like we're so much more alike than we are different.

Yes. And what you just said that, it's so true, even with white people, right? Yeah. I have white family members that I don't disagree with them. This and that. Like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, it's a thing. But I think, again, you guys, just asking questions and educating yourself. I think it's just, I think it just brings the humanness down and help solve a really sad problem that's out there. So, Ayo, thanks for being on. Rach, anytime.

Oh, so fun. So fun. Okay. Okay. Check out Anthony. YouTube channel. It is blown up. It really has. Are you, are you

just like... I'm grateful. I'm just trying to catch you. A-O. Okay, and he has a Black History Month panel. It's like four, is it four? Four. Four videos. So good. Such good, raw, honest conversation from different

perspectives. Yes, yes. It's just really well done. So make sure you guys and all of them don't agree on there either. Yeah, that's it. I know. It was such a, such good So make sure to check out AO's YouTube channel. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that conversation. Again, it's a really, really important one to have. And it's one that I want to continue to have.

And I think it's awesome to have incredible friends like Anthony, who's willing to come on and just take a subject that's really hard and actually kind of bring it down to a level that feels, wow, like we can do this together. And I love it. All right, I've been answering your questions on this podcast. And so today's question is, so many single parents. operating with solo income. Encouragement appreciated. Yes, man. I mean, you read the stats about marriage and what is it. It's like 50% of marriages end in divorce. And so that means that there are a lot of single moms out there. So number one, single moms out there, single parents out there.

I don't know how you're doing it. Like, it's unbelievable. You are the heroes of our world today. Like the fact that you are working and you're raising kids and you're doing it all, it's just, it's incredible. it can be very lonely, it can be very scary, and it can feel very overwhelming. And so what I would say is that you have got to be so, so diligent on where your money's going. I think that the control is going to help you. If you have debts, start working the debt snowball and you need a budget, you know, make sure you know exactly where your money's going. And I can tell you, after doing this for over a decade, the amount of stories I've heard of people getting out of debt, getting in control of their money, the beautiful thing about that is it's literally every income level, every debt

level, every race, every religion. It doesn't put any boundaries on people. I mean, they do it. When they set their mind to something and they say, you know what, no matter what, I'm doing this, I'm going to get my family out of debt. We're going to get in control of our money. And the amount of single moms that have done it, it is incredible. And is it hard work? Yeah, it's hard work. It's not easy. But it is possible they are doing it. So just know out there, if you are a single parent, you can do this plan, you can stay focused, and you can find yourself completely out of debt and have such freedom, such freedom when it comes to your money. So your money is not a burden anymore. It's a tool to create a better life for you.

All right. Well, thanks you guys so much for listening to this episode. I so appreciate it. And if you've not subscribed to my podcast, make sure to click that subscribe button. And if the spirit leads, you can leave a review. And as always, make sure to take control of your money and create a life you love. So if you guys enjoyed this podcast, we have more from the Ramsey Network, like The Ken Coleman Show. According to a recent Gallup poll, nearly 70% of Americans are disengaged at work. If you dread going into work every Monday morning and you're just trying to make it to the weekend, the Ken Coleman Show is for you.

Everyone has a sweet spot. Your sweet spot is at the intersection of your greatest talent and greatest passion. We will help you discover what it is you were born to do and then we'll help you create a plan to make your dream job a reality. You matter, and you have what it takes. Join the conversation on the Ken Coleman Show. To hear full episodes, just search Ken Coleman wherever you listen to podcasts, or go to Ken Coleman Show.com.