The Rachel Cruze Show - Money Habits to Avoid That Could Destroy Your Marriage

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Not in love with the way your spouse handles money? This week, Dr. John Delony stops by to answer your questions about money and marriage. Plus, I’ll share my most hated financial advice and give you one crucial rule to help you take control of your money. What you get in this episode: Manage Your Money Easily With This One Rule How Money Can Make or Break Your Relationships (with Dr. John Delony) My Most Hated Financial Advice: Combining Finances Helpful Resources: Watch 15 Practical Budgeting Tips. Try my favorite budgeting app— EveryDollar . Join John and Rachel at Money & Marriage Getaway. Watch 5 Areas That Can Make or Break Your Financial Success (with Dr. John Delony). Hear more from John on The Dr. John Delony Show or follow him at @johndelony. Watch 5 Crucial Money Questions to Ask Your Significant Other. Sponsors pay the producer of this show, The Lampo Group, LLC, advertising fees for mentioning their services or products during programming. Advertising fees are not based upon or otherwise tied to any product sale or business transacted between any consumer or sponsor. The following sponsors have paid for the programming you are viewing: Christian Healthcare Ministries. Learn more about your ad choices: https://megaphone.spotify.com/about-advertisements Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I always tell couples, use I when you're entering into a problem. I don't feel safe with how you spend money. Or even more importantly, I don't feel safe because you agree on a budget. It goes way over. I don't feel okay. Now what you've done, that's an invitation. You're saying, hey, we help me. Welcome to this episode of the Rachel Cruise Show podcast.

I'm so glad that you're here. So in this episode, we're going to talk about how to manage your money and use it as a tool instead of letting it use you. then I'll go over the why behind one of my most hated financial tips. A little sneak peek. It involves combining finances with your spouse. But first, I want to share a special Valentine's Day themed interview with my friend and fellow Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney, where we answer your burning questions about money and relationships.

Take a listen. Today, I'm excited because I'm joined by my good friend and co-host of The Ramsey Show, partner in crime when it comes to money and marriage, our event, Dr. John Deloney. What's up? How are you? Good. Good. You?

Welcome back to the Richel Cruz world. I know you love when you come here. It is. It's all happy and joyful. It's so happy and joyful. It's so great. It's so great. If you're new around here, John and I, we're both married, not to each other.

But we are very passionate about helping couples when it comes to their marriage, when it comes to to them growing emotionally and financially. And statistically, money remains one of the number of the number of. one causes of divorce in America today. And we want to help when it comes to the subject. So we've done money and marriage a few times the event. We had one huge event last year, which was so incredible. And so we actually had a lot of questions from the audience during that event that we were answering. And we didn't get to all of them because there were a lot of questions. So John, got a little surprise for you.

Okay. Oh, we're taking live questions. We're going to take some live questions. So these were actual questions from those of you that came to our money and marriage event last year. year and questions we'd never answer from stage. Let's do it. Because we didn't have time. So we're going to do this. And if you have questions as you're watching this and you're thinking, hmm, I may want this answered, drop in the comment section because we may do another video, come back

around and answer more questions. So, here go for it. I'll let you. You do it. No, no, no. Ladies first. No, guest first. I'm a selfless host.

All right, let's see here. What is the best approach if my spouse? has a serious spending problem. Did Winston's in that? I've tried to start the conversation before, but they get defensive and I eventually give up. Should we go to counseling? Ah.

Well, I think every couple should go to some level of counseling and therapy in general. Yeah, I mean, I do feel like if one spouse has something that's obvious, maybe it's a spending problem. I feel sometimes the other spouse can feel accusatory and they don't respond well. Right. But even if the spouse is an accusation, and genuinely wants to know, and the other spouse still gets defensive.

What do they do? Often the most important deal here is when somebody gets defensive, instead of thinking that there's something wrong with them, I want to think, what have I done to set them off? Right? What can I own? Because I can't control what they're doing. I can get mad and get frustrated.

But at least I want to look in the mirror real quick and say, did I just start throwing grenades? And so a good way is, oh, my God, what did you buy this week on Amazon? I've just thrown a grenade, and you have to fight me back? I started a fight and you gotta start fighting me back. Or oh my gosh, why did you spend so much money? You see how little I did, I spent last month and you went, now we're in a fight, right? There's something different about, I always tell couples, use I when you're entering into a problem.

I don't feel safe with how you spend money. Or even more importantly, I don't feel safe because every month we make a plan, we end up spending way too much money. You agree on a budget, it goes way over, I don't feel okay. Now what you've done, that's an invitation. It's not a punch. You're saying, hey, will you help me? Yeah, that's good. And that's a different way into the conversation.

If they then respond to, I don't care how you feel, I'm buying these shoes or this car or I'm getting my truck jacked up or whatever the thing is. Yeah, now you've got somebody who looks at you and says, I don't care what you need, I don't care what you feel like, I don't care what you think, I'm going to do what I want to do. Yeah, your relationship's got some major issues. And I feel like when you approach a spouse, the old Ted Lassie, I don't know. Don't be judgment. I'll be curious.

But that idea of like, be curious. Ask questions. What's the solving in your life? Yes, in an authentic real way of wanting to understand them and put yourself in their shoes. And usually that somewhat level of humility helps too. But okay, so good. What's one thing that your spouse has taught you or made you better at over time? Oh.

Oh, man. Let's think. My wife has taught me a lot. So taught me about the importance of, I wouldn't have gone to grad school if it wasn't for my wife. I thought I knew everything at 24. I thought I knew everything. No, not you, John. Yeah.

And she's taught me the importance of reality. And I don't mean that in a funny way, but I tend to think, hey, it's 858 and my meeting starts at 9 and it's 30 minutes away. I still have time to shower. And after I get out of the shower, I'm going to go ahead and iron my clothes. and then we go mow the yard real quick. And then by the time I get halfway through mowing, it's 1145 and I'm super mad at the time, right? Not at me.

So what she has taught me to do, I guess is the best way is to count the cost, right? Yeah, yeah. If you want to do X and Y and Z, that's cool, we don't have houses for this price in this market in this location. It's not real. And I get mad, it's just not real.

So let's look over here, right? So I think it's counting the cost. Those two things are big. That's good. That's good. I would say even more recently, Winston's perspective on just like parts of life, but there's like this kind of element of like everything belongs. So whether it's beautiful, whether it's hard, whether it's suffering or it's a

gift, like everything, there's this comfortability he has in life where I find I want to avoid the hard or the struggle or whatever, right? And I've realized that more when I'm mirrored against him where he's, he can be, he's so, I don't even think it's confident is the word, it's a, it's a comfortability with all of life. And that's been huge for me, where I've, like, realized that. And I'm like, oh, man, I could do better at that. It all belongs. It all belongs.

That's a good word. It's a good word. Oh, no. My husband spends hours on the toilet scrolling through wheels. Help. Help. Help. I have no experience with this at all.

I do. I do. It can be any number of things. I know in my house and with the men I talk to, that's the only place you can go where you don't feel like you're doing something wrong. You don't feel like somebody has a problem with you. You don't feel like somebody's demanding something from you. It's a place where you can just go hide and nobody, everybody will leave you alone, right?

That's not always a good thing, right? It's a place to escape. It can be a Xanax too, right? A place to avoid to numb out. But that's the most common thing. Yeah. So you can talk about it directly. The second thing is you can look in the mirror and ask, like, are we creating a world where my husband feels like he has to escape from it, right?

Maybe, maybe not. After 12-hour day, I know home has been a wild too, but after a 12-hour day, he's exhausted. Is there a way that we can connect before he feels like he's got to go hide from his family, right? Yep. And then the bigger question, Sheila and I have asked before in our houses, is what do we want this house to feel like when you get home? And what do we want this house to feel like when she gets home? And how do we build that?

And the more we've worked on that solution, my feeling like I need to get out of here out of my own house has really diminished. What do you think? Well, it's nice that dads can escape. Mom's nowhere. Everywhere. They're everywhere. They're everywhere.

They're everywhere. All right. Next. Money stress is still one of the leading causes of divorce. Why do you think that is? And what is the most powerful way to fight against it? What do you think? Yeah, I can see it being for sure in the top

because I think money plays a role in our life that it is a tool to help enhance our life. And when our life and our marriage and things are at a tension point, money naturally is going to be because of everything else, if other decisions in our life, it's feeling like it's just tension-filled and money is the avenue.

Oh, it doesn't enhance, it's like it's an amplifier of what already is. Yes. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, probably not explained that well. That's one of the reasons I think. I think the other is that we're really bad at communicating about it

because I think it can be a really sensitive subject. And so when you feel like, oh, no, this is the way I feel like money should work or how I see money, my habits around money, my knee-jerk reaction of how to do this with money is this way and yours is this way. That feels so foreign to me. and if I don't have the tools and the capability to even communicate that, naturally that's going to cause stress intention.

Yeah. And how opposite we are. We talk a lot about you can tell a lot about somebody by their calendar and their checking account. Yes. And there's something very personal about what I think has enough value for me to part with my money, right? And when that comes into conflict and you don't have the tools, how to talk about it, how do we align goals? My mom did it this way.

well, my dad didn't do it this way, so I'm going to do it this way. Yep. It just throws it all into a big pop. Yep. Right? And then you've got granddad telling you, if you rent, you're an idiot and this guy saying, well, you've got to drive a new car and you have so many other voices too. And it just creates chaos.

Yeah. And when it's mismanaged money, which when we look at the stats, sadly, that is so common in our world today, then there's usually less of it. So there's not a lot of margin. And so when you're stressed about having to literally pay the rent or the mortgage, put food on the table, that's going to cause a level of stress. And again, whether it amplifies everything or it's the first indicator that everything else, well, we can't do this, then we can't do that because of money as tight,

then our life doesn't look like the way we should. And there's a lot of shame around that, right? Like, I wanted to be able to get my kid these shoes. And because the bonus didn't come through or my hours got cut, I can't. Yep. What does that say about me? Yeah. And then spouse gets like, oh, I got the new, whatever.

Taylor Swift t-shirt or whatever. I don't know, that's what she's always buying. But like I got the new thing, man, that shame plus that lack, that scarcity, that's just combustible, right? Crazy. All right, last one. We'll do one more. I know you recommend using every dollar for a monthly budget with your spouse, but I hate numbers, and my wife is naturally good at them.

Can she take the lead on that and just fill me in? Yeah, I would say to a degree, yes. I mean, I always want you guys to be a team, but there's always going to be one person who's better at. it for in our house it's Winston. Like he naturally loves doing that. We like sit down and we look at last year. We look at this coming year. And he like writes down the trips we want to go on. Any purchases we have, any goals we have. I mean like he like goes through. What's all going to cost. Oh. And then he does the Excel and he just kind of like, and I'm like, go for it. You just, you just, you tell me what to do. So naturally someone's going to lead it because they enjoy it more than the

other spouse. And I think that's great. But the whole idea of like, oh, she's just going to hand it to me. and that's going to be it. No, I want you to be part of the discussion because I don't want her to feel like she's on an island and isolated at doing it by herself. She's a teammate. But yeah, I think it's a very natural thing to say one of you is going to be more excited

and better at it and take the lead on it than someone else. I also want you to lean into the things in your marriage that have to get done, that are an important part of relationship, and you say, oh, I hate doing that part. That's not always a good excuse. We've talked about this privately before, but I've just sat with people

and their spouse has passed away. And they have a very hollowed outlook and they ask the same question, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know where the money is. I don't know even know who is our electrical company is. I don't know anything. And so even if you hate it,

that's not a license to just do nothing. Yeah. Right? That's a license. That's a signal to you. I'm going to have to dig in and learn at least some of this. You take the lead.

You're the pitcher on the team. I play outfield, but centerfield still is an important role. You're throwing every pitch, but I got to be back there because the ball may get hit, right? Yeah. I want, if you ever have something in your marriage, you're like, uh-uh, that's actually something you've got to lean into and head towards that away from. And John, honestly, Winston and I had this conversation.

It was probably maybe a year or two ago, but I ended up looking up and being like, I have no idea what a strict deposit. I don't know what bills, he like physically opens and pays or which ones go out or when to do this or when to do, oh, yeah, I mean, I looked up because he just pays. everything, right? He does it. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I teach this every day. But literally, if something happened to him, I'm like, I don't know if I have a list of like what gets paid when and all of it. So I made, I'm like list everything out. I mean, even down to like things like the oil change. He's like, you need to change the oil when the car comes out. Yeah, he's like,

all of this. I'm like, okay. I don't know. I don't know. Because it is helpful because you can get in a pattern and a rhythm that, yeah, you look up and you're like, yeah, we're on the same team and all of it, but even the tactical side of money, you guys, be in the no on both of you, passwords, accounts, I mean, all of it, yeah. I remember sitting with a couple who the husband had passed away and it was the older couple. Mm-hmm. And he had taken care of all the banking stuff. He was the only name on the account.

Inside that account, she could see it how much money was in there. And they said, after we get the death certificate, after we get this, after we get this, then we'll be able to release. this money to you, and she looked at me and said, I have to get groceries. And it was so scary because there's all the money, and it is technically yours, just not yet. Not yet. And nobody knew how to do any of it, right? Oh, it's so crazy. And so it's just the important. And it's not always somebody died. It's that sense of that gnawing thing in the back, like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You feel like you're losing control of your own household? Yes. So, or you feel like you're

living in somebody else's house, right? And so there's just something settling about, I don't love numbers, but I know how to do them when I need to. Yes, I know. I think that's important. And it is funny, though, and for those of you that are married, or maybe you have a roommate that, like, is good at stuff and you guys kind of tag team.

But there, yeah, I just think about even us. I'm like, there's stuff that I do that Winston would have no idea. Like, he's like, oh my gosh, I dropped the ball. We had all the snow in Nashville. He walks to, I'm like reading. He walks into our room. He was like, what noise is that?

And I was like, I don't hear a noise. It's like, Rachel, I hear, oh, gosh, the faucet. The faucet. And he, like, ran outside and it froze, but he was hearing the water, he thought linking in the, I don't know, all of that. I was like, oh, dear Lord, if that was just me,

it would have been flooded. I would have no clue. I wouldn't have you to know there was a living. But on the other side, I called my wife today. I said, I texted her and said, call me. And she called and said, what's up? And I told my wife, I said, hey, I know this week has been really hard

and you've carried all of it, right? I've been a house full of kids. All the dogs have to be inside. There's chaos. Food has just magically appeared when I got home. It hasn't magically appeared. I know she took care of all of that. And I know,

intellectually, I think I kind of know what, I have no idea what she's been through. Yeah. Violin practice, all in all of it, right? Here's a deal. Like, at least know about each other's worlds. It's just so important. Yes, yes, and be thankful and know. Yeah, so great.

Well, John, thanks again for joining me. And if you guys want to check out more of what he's doing, make sure you go to the Dr. Don Deloney Show here on YouTube and podcast. He's on all the socials. I encourage you if you are married, out there, you want to better your marriage, come hang out with us in Nashville this October because we are talking about the real stuff, you guys, everything from communication and budgeting, intimacy, all of this.

But this October, we are doing another money and marriage getaway here in Nashville. Come hang out with me and John, the last event we did, which was the first big weekend event. We had so much fun. We loved it. So if you want tickets, go to ramsysolutions.com slash marriage to claim your spot. Let's have a little come-to-Jesus moment about our money. Now listen, you're not in trouble, but I am here to help you when it comes to getting your spending habits in order because it can be so easy to lose sight on where our money should fall in comparison to other parts of our life.

So I just want you to think about this question. Do you have control over your money or does your money have control over you? Hmm, it's an interesting one. So me you might be thinking, golly, I kind of feel like the latter. my money controls me. And listen, we've all been there, even though this is my job and I talk about money day in and day out. There are times that, yeah, my money gets in a place that in my life that I'm like, no, no, no, that's not where you should be. So today I'm sharing my number one tip for using money as a tool instead of letting it be the ruler of your entire world. And be sure to say to

the end so that you can hear how you can apply this mindset to your life and avoid making things way more complicated than they should be. So when you're trying to take control of your money and truly use it as a tool, it all comes down to one mindset shift, defining your needs versus your wants. Now, some of you are probably thinking, well, duh, Rachel, I already know the difference between the four walls and the fun subscription category in my budget. But there's actually more to it than you may think. And I'm actually going to tell you exactly what I mean, but first, let's go a little bit deeper and talk about why so many of us feel so stretched to afford our basic lifestyle expenses. Personally, I think it all

boils down to overexposure. Just think that how much we are exposed to in 2024 versus 10 years ago, 20 years ago, even 50 years ago. I mean, we have access to thousands of books and movies, TV shows, podcast, social media, where we get a taste of other ways of life that we may not have known even existed 100 years ago. I mean, back in the day, I used to go by like us weekly magazines and look through and see. And like, that was the extent basically of celebrity culture. But now it's like reality TV shows galore and Instagram and TikTok. And you just see extravagant lifestyles, not just from celebrities, but also like the everyday mom in Dallas.

So you're like, oh my gosh, she's living a great life. So again, you could open up any social media account and instantly see vacations and cars and homes and growing families. And we were not meant to consume that much material, you guys. We were made for small-scale communities. Like we were not supposed to know what was going on. on the other side of the world from somebody we've never even met. And I don't care how many boundaries you set up around technology.

Everyone, everyone is at risk into slipping into this comparison culture in our existing world today. Oh, okay, deep breath, everyone. So I wanted to paint that picture, not to stress you out and feel doomed for the rest of your life, but to remind you that if you struggle to have perspective, sometimes you're not a terrible person. You are just human in our world today. And it's normal to see what other people have and want it too.

And being able to fight back against that tendency is a really powerful skill to help you build wealth. And part of fighting back of that means, hey, they have what they have and good for them. But this is my life and really putting your energy in there. So let's talk about how you can put money back in its proper place and use it as a tool in your life instead of a weapon in this comparison culture battle. Okay, step one in separating your needs versus one. is in detail. So like I said earlier, most people understand food, shelter, transportation, utilities, basic necessities. But are you vigilant about drawing smaller boundaries within that larger boundary? So for example, yes, you need to afford to eat dinner every night. But does that

mean it has to be at a fancy steakhouse or some bougie to-go sushi place? No. Or with transportation, yes, you need to get to and from work, get your kids to and from school, go to the grocery store. but that doesn't mean that you have to have a $700 car payments to be able to do that. Or even housing. Yes, you need a roof over your head. But no, it doesn't have to be in the best part of town with the picture perfect kitchen. So remember, within your choices that you make about money, there's often a lot of seasons in your life that correlate to it.

And you can do anything for a period of time if you have a larger goal in mind. Maybe it's a season of sacrifice for you and that all looks different. or maybe it's a season of reaping things that you've done and sacrifices you've made in the past. But you want to draw boundaries around your necessary expenses, again, to go further with your money in the future. And speaking of long term, the next step is to take your needs that versus wants a step further and start intentionally planning for the future. So ask yourself this question. What are the non-negotiable experiences that you want out of life? So if you're single and you could do this with a friend or a mentor. If you're married, you know, or you're in a serious relationship,

have this conversation with your significant other. But think about, do I want kids? If so, what kind of experiences do I want to give them? Do we want to travel? Am I going to want to work? So I have to pay for child care. Do we want to pay for their college and save towards that? We need to think about basic things like doctor's visits or even camps in the summer that they're going to go to. But if kids maybe are not in the equation, then think about other things like travel. I mean, how many vacations do you want to take a year? Do you want to improve the comfort of your day-to-day life. Maybe you want, you know, a great new kitchen and you're going to do a home renovation. Or maybe you want a nice car and you want to save up cash for it. Whatever it looks

like for you, just daydream about the future and then adjust your budget and the present to make that happen. And defining your needs versus wants is powerful and it puts you back in control of your money. And we're still at the beginning of a brand new year, you guys. So I really encourage you to spend some time defining what is important to you in this season of life. But remember, separating your budget into needs and wants means nothing if you don't actually have a place to organize those categories. So I would encourage you to download every dollar. This is our budgeting app and it's amazing. It's a great place to organize all of your spending and keep yourself accountable as you work through the baby steps. We're going to get a little controversial today. You know,

do it for the plot, as the kids say. Obviously talking about money, it can be complicated, regardless of the topic, but one of my most hated pieces of financial advice by far is when I tell people to combine their bank accounts with their spouse. I know. I mean, what a crazy suggestion that is. And maybe, you know, we can go even further on the topic, but obviously there are some exceptions to this rule, okay? So we'll just say it off the bat. Okay, if you are in an abusive relationship, if you've dealt with financial infidelity, if you're married with someone with a crippling addiction that they're not taking care of. I mean, there are certain circumstances for sure that you want to protect yourselves.

All I'm saying, though, is if you're sharing a bed, if you're sharing genetics with little kids running around, you can share a bank account. And I am a firm believer in combining accounts with your spouse when you get married, and I think it's one of the best things you can do financially, emotionally, and even spiritually. So let's talk about the why behind this tip and see if some of the skeptics out there may have a little change of heart. Plus, if you stick around to the end, I'll share the one account that I don't think you should combine with your spouse. So stay tuned.

All right, so let's start off strong. The first reason why you should combine your bank accounts with your spouse is because it's more financially beneficial. So regardless of religion or culture or even just marriage, it's literally proven in the numbers. So at Ramsey Solutions, we've seen time and time again through our research and through real people that we talk to on the Ramsey show all the time, are couples who, when they are on the same page financially, they reach their goals faster. When two people have a united purpose, there's more accountability, there's more discipline, and if you're both making income, it's more money coming together. And so when you look to say, hey, we are just going to get there faster and do things bigger

and better when we say, yeah, we are all in the same team, let's put it all in one pile, figure out what we want to do with that pile of money, and you get there so much faster. Okay? So like that, that's like rule number one. Reason number one. Now, reason number two, why I think it's wise to combine your finances with your spouse is just for the practicality and simplicity of life. It's way easier to do a budget together when you're functioning out of one account. And budgeting is literally one of the first steps that you need to take when it comes

to winning with your money. So again, if you're joining forces, but you're constantly trying to like figure out, well, this is your purchase, that's mine, comes out of here, there, there, there. I mean, who has time for that? I can barely get my kids out the door for school, let alone try to split every little purchase between me and Winston. And was that fun money? Was that for the house?

Are we both going to use it? No. So, listen, when you just say, hey, we are all going to function out of one account, it just makes life easier. It really does. And you can still have your independence when you're doing that because you're not having to ask, you know,

for every single little purchase you make, you have a budget and it says, yeah, the Rachel line item. So when I go get my nails done, I'm not texting Winston, like, is it okay if I do, do, do, I have money to spend that month, so I'm going to spend it. And if I want more or need more for something, I text them and we talk about it or we look to say, hey, what's going on here? Again, communication there is so key. But any secrecy, I mean, of any kind, is an enemy of unity. So be open and be honest with your spouse, even with the little things. Right, the third benefit of combining finances with your

spouse has to do with your emotional health as a couple. So it may sound silly, but I promise you guys, sharing the ends and outs of your spending can actually create a lot of intimacy between you. It can be very vulnerable to show somebody, hey, here's what I spent my money on and here's how much I spent. So again, being unified together and actually saying, hey, we can learn from each other. Like Winston's natural tendency is to save. I can learn from that. My natural tendency is to spend and he can learn from that and have some fun in life, right? But we want to support each other and who we are, but also know that your spouse can teach you something. So whether you're a spender or a saver, a nerd or a free spirit, everyone has their preferences when it comes to money,

but having that built-in accountability with somebody and that they know the ends and outs of your life and what's going on, including your money, that creates a deep, deep connection. The fourth benefit of combining your bank account with your spouse is better communication skills. So kind of what we just talked about, but again, when you're looking through life, which money is a tool for your life, you end up talking more. And Winston and I, we find constantly that when we look at next month's budget, we're looking at our calendar as well. We're like, okay, we're going here, here, spring breaks coming up in March.

Okay, we're going to be looking at that, how much we want to spend on food, how many times do you think we're going to go out to eat? And that's going to play into what, you know, what food we need to buy at the grocery store, what our trip's going to look like. I mean, it ends up just being about life. And so when you really do start to communicate about life and your money, you guys, there was a unity that is created. And so that communication of combining accounts, working out of the same bucket,

it helps with just communicating about your overall life in general. Okay, here's what it looks like, practically speaking, to combine your accounts. Number one, combine your short-term savings. So your emergency funds, any sinking funds you have, any funds that are out there that are short-term savings that are in money market accounts or high-yield savings or a savings account at your bank, combine those together. Because again, you may realize, oh my gosh, we have three to six months of expenses saved. we come all together and we put all of our money,

high five and hallelujah. I mean, it's amazing. And number two, combine your checking accounts. And this is what we were talking about earlier, that when you're living life, but you're seeing yourself as one, you're working out of one budget and one account, it makes life not just easier,

but you end up having more unity with your spouse. So if you've not downloaded every dollar, do that because once in I, we have the same login information. So our budgets look the exact same on our phones. If one of us makes a change, it comes up on the others, and we're able to really see

where we're at financially, and it is so helpful. All right, number three, and this one might surprise you, but there is one accounts that I recommend that you build completely separate from your spouse, and that is retirements. Yes, there are so many great advantages, especially with taxes and stuff, when you say, hey, I have my own account with my own income, and I'm going to grow it over here, and then you get to double it with your spouse, by them doing one as well.

It works best for everyone. So do not combine retirement or say, oh, one of you just does retirement. If you're both working especially, be able to say, hey, we're going to both build retirement and that will double your retirement when it gets to that point in life. All right, before we wrap up, I want to address two common complaints I hear. So, again, I hear y'all all the time. I have the drama, all the things about combining accounts. So number one, the first one I always hear is, how do I buy my spouse a gift?

Oh, no. Well, first and foremost, if it's Christmas or an anniversary and you know you're going to buy a gift, take out a Visa gift card. You're like, yeah, here's a couple hundred bucks or whatever you're going to spend on a gift. Then take that money, buy a Visa gift card with it. Then they don't know where you're spending it. Or if you want it to be an ultra surprise, if you have a friend or a parent who will give you the money to buy the gift, and you said, yep, I will Venmo you.

Or here's a check for it. Old-fashioned, write a check, but don't cash it or I won't Venmo you until I actually give the gift. And again, there's trust in the relationship and all of that. Do that. Winston did that for me on our last anniversary. Completely surprised me. We said we weren't doing gifts. I was like, how did you do it? And his friend bought the gift,

once in bin modem that night. And it was great. So there's ways around it, okay? Don't let gifts and all that hold you up in keeping accounts separate, okay? Combine them and work your way through it. Now, the second one is, how do I get my spouse on board if they disagree with how I'm wanting to handle money? So this is a big one, too.

So if you and your spouse are not on the same page when it comes to money, I would recommend sitting down first explaining your why. Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to combine accounts? Why do you want to get out of debt? Why do you want to budget? What's your why? And hopefully if you're in a somewhat healthy relationship,

your spouse is going to hear that and you guys are going to have dialogue about it. Also, if it's something you want to do, like a big goal, like getting out of debts, I always tell people to go ahead and put the numbers out there. Go ahead and build your debt snowball or a budget. Go ahead and create the budget and present it to them, not as like this is what we're going to do. But hey, here's what this looks like. Can we sit down and have a conversation about it and actually kind of look at the numbers?

Because sometimes it's way less intimidating when you actually see facts on paper versus like this idea in your head. But again, you guys, it is so, so crucial. Now, if they are completely opposed, won't even talk about it, I'm telling you, that's when I would bring in a third party. I would go to a counselor or a therapist because that's probably the mindset in other areas of your marriage,

which could indicate, hey, there's some issues there that we need to talk through. It may not just be about money. It may be about other things as well. Okay, so that is why I believe what I believe when it comes to your money. Now, if you still don't want to do it and you're going to live your own life, that's great. You're an adult. You get to make your decisions.

I know people hate that advice, combining finances with your spouse, but you guys, it helps you not just financially, but also in your marriage. Well, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. And if you love this podcast, make sure to leave a review because we want to hear your feedback and subscribe to this podcast, share this podcast, spread the words to your friends and family because it helps us out so much. And remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.