Money Lessons We’ve Learned in 15 Years of Marriage (With Winston Cruze)
00:05All right, today I have my favorite person on the show, Winston, my husband.We've been married 15 years and there's a lot there, you know, when it comes to money and marriageand working together as the same team, but yet appreciating what we each individually bring to the table,kids, raising them in today's world, all of it.So we're going to chat about all of that and make sure to stick around because later I'll share some detailsabout one of my favorite events coming up that you don't want to miss.So make sure to like, subscribe, and share this episode with the friends.All right, let's get started.
00:38Well, hey, babe.Thanks for being here.It's good to be here for the first time.I think it is your first time, right?Yeah.I've never sat on this couch.Yeah, never been here.Well, welcome.
00:51Thanks for coming.It's been a long time you've been doing this.Long time coming.I know.People have been wanting you.And it's happening.Well, it's great.We worked a deal.
01:00We found it.We did it.Paying them by the hour.Okay, so money and marriage.is always a topic. I feel like creates conflict with a lot of couples. And I feel like it's likeeven the one piece of advice of combining your finances is like the one place I get attacked the most,like especially on social media and stuff. As we talk about money, we've been married 15 yearsand money in our marriage and relationship. Like I'm curious just from your perspective,
01:24like how important is it to work on the same team and to say, yeah, we are one in this area of life,even though we're opposites. So we come at it differently. But seeing yourself as aas a unit versus trying to keep everything so separateand still like running your own on your own track.I couldn't imagine seeing it a different waywhere we would be having separate accountsand separate ways of spending.I've always seen the benefit of like two horses can pull a lot harder
01:58and faster than one horse.And so it would be very strange,if we were, you know, running different races and trying to achieve,even if the goals were the same and we weren't doing it together,it just feels like the worst idea of a team that you could come up with.Yeah.You know, so it's a team sport.It's not like golf or it's like, all right, you keep your score, I'll keep my score.
02:27Yeah.Because we're going to end up in two different places.Totally.Like inevitably, we'll definitely end up in two different places.I'm trying to keep on the same scoreboard.And I think it's, you know what I think it is?Tell me.I think people want to do their own thing.
02:41Yeah.I think they just want to say, no, I want to do what I want to do.100%.And so it's much easier if you do, you know what?You do what you want to do.I'll do it I want to do.That is avoiding having to look at yourself and do work.That's what it is.
02:58So I hate to put, like, project into why people would want separate checking or separate financial goals and strategies.But it's easier that way.That's a good point.It's easier that way.Yeah.Because, you know what?We don't even have to talk about it.Mm-hmm.
03:13I forget who said it, but it's like you're climbing a ladder, your whole life to realize that it was up against the wrong wall.And I think there will be a lot of people that get to the end if they do, because if they're not doing money together, probably not doing a lot together.Yeah, sure.If they do get to the top of the ladder, then you're going to be over there on that wall, and I'm over here on this wall.We've created two different lives almost.Well, this is a bad decision.So those are my thoughts on it.Yeah, no, I agree.
03:42I totally agree.And I think what's hard for people is to that opposites attract.So you do come at it differently.And so for us, I would say that is true.So keeping this bounce.And I think this is true probably in all of marriage, but we're using money as kind of that filter of looking at this through.Because there's something to be said about keeping your own individual,you as an individual person.
04:03Like you are created uniquely, right?Like there's something about you that is uniqueand we don't have to conform to the same person.But yet we're trying to work on the same team.So it's like that balance of appreciating and knowing the opposite.Like you're a saver, I'm a spender, you're a nerd, I'm a free spirit.Like the way we go about purchasing, what we purchase,how we think about spending or saving,
04:23naturally is a little bit different, but yet we're working as the same team.It's very different, but it's not a ball and chain.you know, like you marry an individual.And then during courtship,humans or professionals at self-presentingin the perfect way.Courtship, doing dating?Yeah.
04:42Yeah.It's so formal.Oh, sorry.That's not the audience, probably.We didn't court.No, no, we dated.But you're my person.You're my person.
04:55So now I'm relative again because you're my person.I'm relevant.Okay.But when you're dating, we're really good at presenting.You're presenting your best self.You're doing everything you can for that person to sue you,and they're doing the same thing, so you can soothe them.And then eventually you come back around to realizing, where am I?
05:14Like, where is my individuality?And so you say, oh, I'm going to actually celebrate what I bring to the table.I'm a saver.You're a spender.And that provides great strengths.and also provides great challenges.But it's not a ball and chain where I'm always like freaked out and frustratedthat you're going to spend too much or you're freaked out and frustrated that I'm super boring
05:42and can't spend to have fun.Like you bring both to the table and work it out.Yeah.You know, it creates a stronger balance.It's more diversified and more of a mosaic than it is like, oh, we have to.to be the exact same person.Yes.That's a measurement.
06:01That's not going to get you to where you want to go.No, I know.Yeah.So it is that balance of in marriage.And courtship.In courtship.In court,courting.
06:12To be able to, yeah,to know each other's strengths and weaknessesand almost see it as a gift of what you're saying.And I think that can be really hard sometimes for couplesif money is a major tension point for them in their marriage.But.Yeah. It's hard.Because we want what we want.
06:31Yeah.And to try to see it from your spouse's point of view is denial for a second.It's scary.It's like, oh, I'm going to lose myself.If I just try to hear what they're trying to say or the way that they're coming at this thing that they want to buy or this new goal that they have.But that doesn't mean you're forfeiting.Yeah.You're just letting them bring their strength to take.
06:57table and you better bring your strength to the table too, you know? And that's what makes a reallygood decision. Okay, before we go on, let me tell you about one of our incredible sponsors, Christianhealthcare ministries. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down.The wait times are longer and it's harder than ever to get anything approved. So if you feel likethe system is working against you, try Christian healthcare ministries, a biblically based alternativeto health insurance.CHM is a health cost-sharing ministrythat's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours
07:32take care of health care costs,save true to their values,and avoid getting tied down by miles of red tape.Y'all, there is a better way.CHM programs start as low as $98 a month,so find out more and join at chmistries.orgslash budget.That's chmistries.org slash budget.
07:53We talk, I'd say we're pretty goodat setting goals. We usually have like bigger goals that I feel like last like into a year or twoor even more. And then once we do it, it's like, okay. And then we kind of chill for a little bit andthen we'll do it again. But every year we kind of do a check in of like, okay, where are we at?We usually do that in January. But what would you say to couples out there that don't,they don't talk about this stuff. They really don't look maybe towards the future, even in like a year,right? Like, I mean, even that's kind of short term nowadays. But like even a block of time,where you're like, okay, yes, we need to do this together and do it well.
08:29How important is it to feel like to be on the same page and to have something that you're shooting for?Because I'll say this, we don't always have like a goal.Like there isn't always like a thing.Yeah.And if there is, it usually lasts a year or two.And then we do it and then it comes up something else.Right.Yeah, I would say the times that you do have a goal, you don't have to have a goal.
08:51But I would say, be.real conscious of that because if you don't have a goal but you're but you kind of have thisfantasy or this vision of what you think life's going to be in five years or 10 yearsthen I would say don't be surprised if it doesn't happen because the times that we have had agoal in our marriage financially are when we're the most synced up and also the mostefficient um like it actually it actually moves faster your money you getmore wins, you're more efficient with it.It, it, you make more progress when you're, when you're chasing something.
09:33Yep.So you don't have to have one, but it is really motivating to set something out.It could be a month.It could be a year.It could be two years.It could be five years and back your way out of it.You know, a lot of people would be going all the way out to, all right, when are we goingto be empty nested?
09:53Yeah.And then what do we want our, what?What do we want to do?What do we want our monthly income to be like when we retire?And you can't build a plan.You can't even start to put legs to it if you don't know what the end of that vision looks like.If you can't.Picture.
10:11Within detail, within reason, you know, you're not going to know down to the dollar,but where do you want to go?Some people just start with like, all right, let's just start right now.And you can't.You don't even know where you're going.Yeah.Which direction?Yeah.
10:24How much?So I would say it's extremely important, but you got to, it doesn't matter what it is.But just put one out there and watch how efficient it is to get there.What I think is fun too is just the idea of dreaming together about what that future is.Like those are always fun conversations to me.Like sometimes.That don't really expose your personalities.That don't really expose like.
10:49Well, we do this.What is it like your money just shows you more of who you are?Yes.Yeah, yeah, yeah.You start talking about how you want to spend it in retirement.Yeah.You really get to know, like, what your passions are.Yes.
11:02But that's, I think that's fun, though, like when we've done those days.It is fun.Where you're like, take money off the table.What would be your, what's like, what's ideal in the next five years, the next 10 years, the next 20 years?And we do just kind of sit there and like, we don't, we don't like write it down.It's not like, oh my gosh, we have to be like, we're like, this is the plan.But just allowing yourself to dream.Yeah.
11:20Like, I want to travel the world for months at a time in retirement.Yeah.And I want to walk my dog.You know, it's like, it's a window into our passions.Yes.Which is good to check in every once in a while.Totally.I think you're still going to want to travel in 20 years.
11:33Yeah, I will.Okay.Mm-hmm.Maybe I'll, maybe, maybe.Does it bother you that I book vacations on vacations?Yes.I do that a lot.If you're, like, on a trip and you're like, where are we going next?
11:45I'm like, we're not even done yet.We haven't even paid these people.I know.Yeah, it's wild.Yeah.Do you, I always.talk about contentment in comparison as like my trap in life because I'm always like kind of lookingfor the next thing of like okay yeah do you see that play out like in my purchasing and in my
12:03how we do money yeah a little bit a little bit my Amazon purchasing no yeah those are likemicrocosms I can't travel is like right in your face it's real big and obvious yes it's likeyou are living in 2027 you know but then um I thinkYou're just, you're a forward thinker.You live in the future.Yes.And I live in the present, but just by personality.Right, right, right.
12:33So not right or wrong.I mean, I, but, so I had to buy that dagum 12 foot calendar with dry erase calendarso I could see the whole year because you were booking things out that I couldn't even see yet in my mind.Yes, I know.And I had to be like, hold on, I can't, I don't even know.We probably have like 10 things on that day.But we can't see it.I can't see it.
12:55I know.We have a massive dry and erase 12-month calendar in our laundry room.It covers the whole wall.Thank you, babe.You're welcome.Great purchase.You're welcome so much.Great purchase.
13:04Yeah, yeah.But we see it.And everything's color-coded.So it's great.We feel organized.Yeah.So to anybody who feels like they're resonating with me,it gave me a little bit more like visibility,
13:15which gives me a little more control.When I can see it, it just gave me a little more control.The visual.Yes.Or it's like, okay.It's not too crazy.It's not too crazy.It's not too busy.
13:23Fall, spring, whatever, holidays.Yes, yes.I can just see it, which helped me say yes to more things.It's like a budget for a calendar.That's exactly.You know what?That was my talk at money and marriage.No, it wasn't.
13:37Did you steal that for you?No, but it was...Your calendar is your budget?Basically how you budget, you can do the exact same thing with your calendar and your time.Unbelievable.How long have we been married?I know.Unbelievable.
13:49Shoot.15.Short years.Okay.So the calendar.There's a budget for your time.I know.It's perfect.
13:55And we didn't budget with a 12-month calendar for a long time.For a long time.But that has helped us, though.And then in turn, I feel like it does make things.It gives me some security.Yes, from a scheduling perspective.So go get you on if you have like a cranky old husband who's always freaked out about too much.No.
14:09Too much.We're just too busy.Too much.No.Pulling back, though, it's been good.I feel like we've done that.I think we've done that more in recent.I haven't overbooked us too much.
14:19Yeah.Recently.It's been good.No.We sports have killed it.Sports.Sports.Yeah.
14:24Okay.Speaking of sports and kids.Oh, wow.When you think about kids and money in our family, what are those dynamics like for you as a dad?Challenges, things that you feel like, we could probably do better there or we're doing that pretty well.Like, that's good.Like, I have problems because I always think, like, if I see.the kids get something or an Amazon box.
14:58Like, I parent way too much out of my own childhood, right?So.We all too.Yeah, I mean, I went to the beach once a year in a minivan and no Amazon boxes to the door.But I remember the first guy who bought deodorant on Amazon.and this was like 10, 12 years ago.He was an early adopter and I thought,you were kind of weird.
15:26That's really, you're kind of, you're kind of strange.Why would you ever buy deodorant ship to your door?And here we are.You know, I mean, it's the way that we do life right now.So I think the example that I'm using is when stuff comes to the door,it doesn't matter if it's deodorant.you still get a little bit of that dopamine where it's like,there's a box at our door and I'm going to open it.
15:54Just be something in there because he knew.Dove soap, you know, but it's something.And we're opening it and the kids are there.And so you kind of see this, I don't know, it freaks me out a little bitwhere they're so used to things showing up at the door,material things that I know what is doing to them chemically.Mm-hmm. Yeah.And it's this little buzz that you used to have to go to the store if you did something great,
16:23good grades or whatever when you're a kid and pick out something, you know,and then hold it until you got home.And, you know, it's so fast and so consumer in 2025 these days.So that's my biggest, like, I'm excited for them to get to the age where they can earn their own way.Like legitimately earn their own way.Like, go get a job.Like, I'm no longer the guy who's going to fix your broken toy.Yeah.
16:53You're just going to have to deal with it.Or save up.There's a dishwasher over there.Yeah.So that's what I'm kind of experiencing right now.That's good.The consumer side of raising kids today.And that's true with anyone, with any income level situation.
17:08I mean, it is.If you buy your deodorant on Amazon.Yeah.Which I would recommend.I mean, I would recommend it's very convenient.Yeah.Totally.What is a lesson for the kids that you're like,
17:19this has to be instilled in them or it's not going to be good?Well, money comes from work.That's my kind of number one fallback.I appreciate the sentiment that you want to find the perfect balancebetween what you're good at, passionate about, and makes money.But, you know, just go multi-yard.Like it's not going to be that beautiful all the time.And even in our generation, I saw it start to happen,
17:49where people would stay at home,even after graduating, they would come back homeand they would just be waiting on that perfect job.And I don't care if it's perfect or not.You're going to have to put in the time and put in the hours.Do the grind.Yep.Get that first check and feel what it's like
18:08to have earned something that you can put in your bank accountand choose to do what you want with.that that's not going to be your perfectlike scenario yeahintersection of passion and money soyeah umthe work thing is bigthe generosity thing
18:25is big mine mine minethey're they're at that age right nowwhere it's so possessive which is normalbut eventuallythey will have to raise their eyes upto see other people and I think that startswith us too I think they willjust mimic what we see
18:42Yeah, totally.So that's, instead of tossing the toys, let's bag those up and take them somewhere.Yeah.Right?Let's get those clothes and take them to the people that just had a baby or whatever it is, you know,and like actually show them how to see others.Yeah.And not just Amazon.
19:02Yeah.And not just Amazon.God bless.Yeah.Oh, you know.What about you?Good times, bad times.What do you want to?
19:10What do you want to be able to?The kids, yeah, the work thing is big.I think there's something, there's just dignity in that with what you're doing with your lifeand making money that way.But I'd say gratitude.Yeah.Which we make them say thank you a lot, like after.Kills me if they don't.
19:27We cook dinner or something.It's like, kills me.What do you say to us?We like make them tell us, thank you.But yeah, the gratitude piece.People that are just grateful in life, like happy to be there.You know, I'm just happy to be here.Thanks for this.
19:42There's just something wonderful.It's a posture of receiving.Yeah.Instead of like, oh, I get what I want all the time.Yes.Yes.So the gratitude thing is big for me, I think.No, no.
19:52All right.I hope you all enjoyed that.And I mentioned earlier about money and marriage.And it's one of my favorite events that we do here at Ramsey.And so this year, the money and marriage getaway is in 2026 of our Valentine's Day weekend.So this is just a great time to get away with your spouse.Again, life is just nuts.And so it's sometimes good just to like go away, be together and you're going to learn things.
20:16We teach from stage.We also do a lot of interaction with the audience.So there's a lot of Q&As.There's a lot of time to talk with your spouse about the things that we're talking about throughout the weekend.But it's two and a half days, again, of interactive teaching, live Q&As and all of it.And so we just create this incredible experience over a weekend.And it's Dr. John Deloney and myself.And it's one of our favorite events that we do here at Ramsey.
20:38And so this past money and marriage, it's completely sold out, y'all.So we do these and the tickets go so quickly.So the next one coming up is happening February 12th through the 14th of 2026.Early bird tickets start at $749 and prices are going up soon and that's per couple.So it is so worth it.It is a great weekend.People that come, they rebuy for the next year.And so it is.
21:03It's an incredible weekend to experience with your spouse.So make sure to come.Get your tickets today at Ramsey's.solutions.com slash events.Well, thank you guys so much for listening and watching and make sure to take controlof your money and create a life you love.
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.