The Rachel Cruze Show - My 4 Guiding Principles for Parenting

Episode Date: February 11, 2019

This episode is a little different! I actually recorded it sitting on the floor in my closet, sharing my thoughts on life balance and the struggles we face as parents. We’ll talk through why you don’t need to do everything, how to be the best version of yourself for your kids and how to give yourself grace when you mess up.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Rachel Cruz show podcast. Okay, so every other week you're getting audio from the video version of the Rachel Cruise show that plays on YouTube and Facebook and you get some of my commentary, some teaching, all the above, all the stuff, all the things on those Mondays. But the great thing about a podcast is I like to talk. So throughout the week, I've been having all these thoughts and things I'm learning. And so I went to my team and I was like, guys, can you give me a recorder that I can just keep on the go? And if I'm with someone fun, we can record a quick interview or maybe it's a thought I'm having randomly in the day or a story about my life.

It may have to do with money. It may not. But just some more stuff that I'm thinking that I can put out here on the podcast. And they were so generous. They gave me a recorder within 48 hours of me asking. And so I've been able to just like kind of download some thoughts and things I've been having. So for this episode, I decided to kind of just chat about one of the questions I get all the time from especially you women out there. But they're like, Rachel, how do you do it all?

Like, how are you a working mom? Do you feel guilty when you leave your girls? Like everything around this whole working mom doing it all kind of vain, if you will. And so I decided, okay, let me just break it down and kind of talk through what we do as a family and kind of how I handle my life, if you will. And hopefully it's some encouragement to you guys that I was doing this actually in my closet while I was packing for a work trip. So here are my thoughts on that. All right, guys. I just had the thought that I get this question a lot.

I got it from an Instagram live. I did a few nights ago from like four different people. So I was like, hmm, I'll probably address this topic because I think it's an important one. But it's just the question of Rachel, how do you do it all? Like, Rachel, you know, how do you work? and be a mom, like, how do you do all of it? And it's funny because when people ask me that, honestly, what comes to my mind first and foremost is, I don't. I don't do it all. And I mess up, like a lot, a lot. And I think it's important to say that this whole life balance discussion

we've been having in our culture, I feel like it's become a thing from people that are in the same stage of life we are or same season or our life looks similar to others and like learn from them, but this whole idea like oh you're just going to have life balance how do you have balance like honestly I think life balance is just crap like I really I don't think it exists you guys like every single day and by that I mean like within a 24 hour period seven days a week 365 days a year like you're not going to have this perfect balance of your day where you're having workout time you're having spiritual time, you're having intellectual time, you're reading a book, you're having parenting time, you're having time with your spouse, you're having time with your friends, you're at work,

like it's not going to be this perfect little pie day in and day out. And I think over the scope of your life, you definitely want balance, like you don't want your whole life to be work. But day in and day out, you guys, like there's not, like there's not a balance. And so I think it's important to say that. I mean, unless you find the magic pill, another thing to say too is that you have to realize like or for me that this whole thing like life is messy and it's not going to be perfect like i'll tell you i had one of the biggest mom fails a few months ago that i've had like in a long time and i fail a lot as a mom don't get me wrong but this was like the one that probably hurt the most that amelia goes to this great little preschool on tuesdays and

thursdays and it's just it's precious like her school it's just it's so great And they have this thing that every child on a certain day, they get to be the star of the day. And so with the star of the day, they get to fill out this little questionnaire. It's like this interview. And as a parent, you interview your child. Like, what's your favorite food? What do you like to do? You know, what's your favorite color?

Like all these little questions and they answer them. It's supposed to be really cute. And they show the class. And then they bring something special from home. And it's like just this big deal. And so Amelia would come home different times and be like, yeah, you know, so-and-so was star of the day. And it was like this thing. And so I got her folder home on a Tuesday from school and I looked through her folder,

you know, what she made that day. And there was a letter in there and it said, your child, Amelia, it's going to be our star of the day on Thursday. So we talked about it and it was, you know, all exciting. Anyways, fast forward to Thursday. I am in the middle of a Rachel Cruz show. video shoot, like literally in the middle, and we had stopped filming. I think we were changing up the set or something. And it was like a ton of bricks hit me. And I thought, oh, crap, I forgot started sorry of the day. Like, I totally, totally forgot. And I had just this flood of panic.

Like, I can't even explain to you. I mean, like, my stomach dropped. I was like, it like took my breath away and I like ran out of the studio. I grabbed my cell phone. I called the girl who helps us with our girls during the day. I was like, oh my gosh, I totally forgot it. It was a million star of the day is do you have that sheet? Do you have the interview sheet? She was like, yeah, I found it. I found it. I was like, okay. So her and I like, like filled it out together over the phone, like trying to guess what Amelia was going to say. Like, I'm such a fraud. I was like, okay, I think this is what she would say. And then I was like, okay, she has to bring something special from home.

And I was like, go grab her Moana doll, because we had just gotten back from Disney World, and we let Amelia buy one thing at Disney World. And so she picked this little Moana doll. And I was like, go grab Moana and drive back to the preschool. And I was just praying at that point. It was like, it was like 10 o'clock. And I was like, oh, God, please, please, please don't let that whole Star of the Day thing have happened already.

Like, I pray we get there in time that, you know, she delivers it all. And it's going to be fine. And Amelia has no idea that I totally forgot. and thankfully everything was fine like they did it after lunch anyway so like all was good but y'all I mean I mean as I'm explaining it like it probably kind of sounds silly but for our season of life like that was a big deal and I mean and I cried y'all at work because I felt I felt so terrible I was like man out of all the things right now like I totally forgot the big thing like star of the day and so I'm just telling you that A because I messes

up a ton. But also, I always have to fall back on these guiding principles that Winston and I have set in our lives, especially with our girls, that we can fall back on because there's going to be times you mess up. There's going to be times that you fail, but you have to always fall back on truth. And having guiding principles in your life, these pillars on which you can stand and say, this is how we're going to function within our family. Here are the things that we believe in the truth of how we're raising our girls. And if you just can keep falling back on these things, like it helps so much

in these little blip moments of like, ah, I forgot Star of the Day. So I'll just kind of like tell you ours. And granted, we've only technically been parenting only three and a half years. Amelia's three years old, Caroline's 18 months. So for me right now, one of those pillars is that I want to give my kids

the best version of me. And what I mean by that is one of my fears is that my girls are going to look back on a YouTube video or hear a podcast, and they're going to be like, oh, wow, like, that woman I'm watching on my computer on my phone, like, she's fun and she's funny, and she's excitable and, like, wow, like, I never saw that part of my mom. That's always, I hate that. Like, that's just this fear I have where I'm like, I want my girls to get, like, the best version of me. And yeah, they're going to be getting the mom version of me.

Don't get me wrong. But I want them to have a mom that engages with them and is energetic and fun and we enjoy each other and we have a good time. I just don't want to be this mom that is drained day in and day out. Now, now this is a hard one because are there exhausting days at work? Yes. Are there stressful seasons at work? Yes. And does that affect your mood at home?

Yes. But again, it's not about like specific day in and day out, but just over the scope of a big season of like, okay, I just want to make sure that they saw the best version of me. And that's what they got, that other people like you guys listening, no offense to you, but like you all or people I work with or even friends, like that those people don't get the best version of me that they do. and Winston, like that my, my core crew, my family, like, they get the best of me. And so that's one thing I always think about, and which kind of plays into the second guiding principle that I have, is just being present. And this is a really important one, and it's a hard habit to break, because I feel like we're all attached to our dang phones all the time, including me. And so sometimes I just have to put my phone in my room because I just want to be present with them. Like,

when I'm home, I'm home and I'm mom. And what that does for me is it allows the mental space that when I'm at work, I'm at work and I'm doing stuff. But my friend Christy Wright, who's another Ramsey personality, she does all the business boutique stuff. So you may have heard of her. One of her quotes is like one of my favorites. She said that life balance is not about being 50-50. It's about being 100 percent presence. And, I love that because I'm like, yes. Like, it's amazing. Like, the quality time that you have with your kids and your family is huge.

And let me just say this, too. Say it home moms. You're like my hero. Like, it kind of frustrates me sometimes that working moms at a point can be put on this pedestal. And everyone's like, oh, my gosh, how do you do it all? Like, this is, you're amazing. And as a working mom, I'm like, no, no, no, no. do you understand that I get to put on like normal clothes and I get to do my hair and my makeup and I go and I get a break and I have adult conversations.

Like I get an escape a little bit and state home moms like you're in the trenches day in and day out. And I think you have way of a harder job than I do for sure at times. And so my friends that are stay at home moms, I'm always like, guys, you're my hero. Like it's incredible. But I think, again, these principles are still true, even if you're a stay-at-home parent, but just that idea of being present. And one thing Winston and I, I'm so thankful for. We both grew up with very engaged parents. And I know that can be a rare thing.

So I am. The older I've gotten, the more thankful I am for that. My parents, they ask questions. They knew my friends. Like, they knew what was going on with me. Like, they were engaged. and I just think that's so crucial. Winston, I've talked about that so much.

Winston's parents were the same. He grew up in a very, very similar household. And so we've just said that's a priority for us. It's like we're going to know our kids on a deeper level. Because right now, gosh, parenting for us, it's like, it feels pretty much like very physical. I mean, like, God, you're changing diapers, you're cleaning trays off of high chairs. You know, you're making dinner. You're making lunches.

You're making breakfast. You're giving baths. and one's running out of the bathtub naked, down the hall, and you're trying to get them up, you're trying to brush hair and put diapers on and pajamas on. I mean, it's just like a marathon day in and day out. It's just so physical. I mean, you're just picking up kids, and it's just, oh, there's so much work involved.

But Amelia, who's three and a half, like, she's totally turning that corner on the emotional side where I'm like, oh, wow, she's, like picking up stuff, like so much smarter than probably what we gave her credit for. And so we're feeling that side of parenting start. come about where I'm like, man, I just like, I want to know them. Like I, I long to have the day where we can talk about like their strengths and their weaknesses, what they're fearful of, what they, what they're passionate about, but just like know them on a deep spiritual level. And so that's one thing that we've talked about. That's kind of a guiding principle that we have, something we've kind of said ahead of time that that's what we want to do. So that's another one. The third guiding

principle that we have is it's one that has been hard for me, I think, to like adapt to, but it's been a very important one. It's one that if I didn't have what I do day in, day out would be impossible. And it is the idea of delegate and outsource what you can delegate and outsource. And Christine Kane, if you know her, she's like, oh, one of my favorite people on the planet. And I say that about like a number of people, but she's like my top three. Like she is like, oh, if you have not like followed anything about Christine Kane, like just YouTube her. And she is one of the most remarkable women ever. Like she is, she's incredible. So anyway, she travels like all the time. She does all this amazing stuff. She has two girls and I got some time to spend with her

multiple times. But I remember the very first time I was like Christine, talk to me about being a mom. and like, how are you doing it all? You know, those same questions. And I remember she told me that. She said, Rachel, you know, one thing you have to understand is like, you can't do it all. And if you try to do it all, you're going to be exhausted and it's not going to be good for you. And so she basically said, delegate what you can delegate out. And I think that that was so huge because there's things that you cannot delegate out, right?

I mean, like being a mom, like no one else is. is going to be my girl's mom. Like, no, like, I am their mom. A hug from their mom, you can't delegate out. Like, there are things that you are never going to be able to do, but to delegate the things that you can delegate out. And I had to be comfortable with this because I grew up with a mom, and she was a stay-at-home mom, and she did everything for us. Like, you know, we had chores and stuff you had to do, but, like, she was present. And I'm thankful I grew up in household where I was told all the time. Like, doesn't matter if you're a boy or girl. Like, if you want to, if God calls you to something, like, you go do it. So, like, I was felt, I never felt limited because I'm a woman by any

means. I really didn't. But, but the pill I had to swallow of like, oh, wow, I'm going to need help. And like, you know, Wednesday, we decided to hire a nanny to help us with the girls. And, you know, because of that, we had to cut some things out of our budget in order to do that. But that's the decision that we made because we wanted that flexibility and that was huge. You know, I have someone that cleans my house every other week. And it took me a long time to like be okay with that. Like, I don't know why. I had this like pride or this labeling that I should be doing it all.

But when work got, you know, when schedules got crazy and work got crazy and I travel some and I'm like, if I have a weekend home with my girls, like, I don't want to be cleaning my baseboards. Like if I have the means to be able to shuffle the budget around and get some help in these areas, I'm going to be okay with that. And I say all that to say, not to sound like uppity or not to, you know, sound like I have this bougie lifestyle by any means. I say it because I had a conversation with Rachel Hollis actually on her podcast,

uh, rise and she's just awesome. And I remember she told a story, which I so related to, she was like, Rachel, I was watching the Today show. and there was this actress on and she runs this business like this makeup, you know, company thing. And then she was launching this movie and like she's doing all this stuff. And Savannah Guthrie asked her, okay, so how do you do it all? You know, you have two small children like, oh my gosh, you know, how do you do it all? And she said something along the lines of like, well, you know, we just stay really organized and we keep really great calendars. Rachel Hollis was like, uh, that's bull crap.

Like, she's like, I'm sitting in my living room thinking, no, you probably have like three nannies. You have a staff, I'm sure, like cooking your meals and all the things, which is not bad, but like own it. Like, say it. Because when you don't say those things, you know, there's that mom in Kansas City who has three little kids and she's a stay-at-home mom. And she feels like she's drowning in laundry and she can't keep her house clean and she can't cook dinner. thinking, but I'm a stay-at-home mom. I should be able to do all of this. And here's this actress who's like running a company and shooting a movie and she can do it all. And you're like, no, it's not true. Like, again, I say all of that. It was so freeing talking to Rachel on her podcast

because she made me. She was like, Rachel, I want to know. What do you do? And I was like, it's not because I'm embarrassed by it. It's like, I just want to convey it in the right way to show that it was not these flippant decisions, but they were strategic on our family's end. And so I've just had to get comfortable with that and that there are things that I delegate out. And the whole quote, it takes a village. I'm telling you, it takes a village. We have people around us that love us and help us. And we have shifted things around, again, in our budget in order to make those things work.

And it's just that sacrifice is what we have decided as a family to make. And I look at, you know, the way people function in life and the decisions they make. And I'm like, you know what? Like, is there a right and wrong in life? 100%. I think there are black and white issues. But I also think there's a lot of gray issues. And I so believe that, like, God uniquely created each of us. Like when he knit us in our mother's womb, he created us so uniquely. And so because of that, your life is going to look so much different than someone else's life, than your friend's life, or your sister's life, or your mom's life, or whoever's life, right?

And then if you're married, it doubles. Like, you're marrying a uniquely created person. So your marriage is going to look different. And so that's kind of what I have to get comfortable in my skin. Like, my life is going to look different than other people's. And that's okay. And Winston and I were prayerful about it. We seek discernment and wisdom and counsel from others.

And so we have, we've really become comfortable with it. And I'll be honest, like, it's so great right now. I feel like I have, you know, this great hold on my life because my work schedule can be flexible at times because I travel and like all the things. But all that to say, that was a long point. But I think it was an important one to delegate what you can delegate. And so if you have the means to shuffle things around in your budget to help you and that's what you choose to do, I say go for it. And if you don't, like that's okay too. Like there are going to be these seasons that things may be harder than other times.

And so that's just encouragement. If you can, outsource and delegate what you can. And then the last principle is to give yourself grace. Like, again, we're going to mess up. There's going to be the star of the day that you forget. And things are going to happen. And I just think it's important to know, like, okay, have your big things in place. Like, for me, I'm like, there are these important milestones in my kids' lives that, like, I want to be a part of.

The big stuff I want to be present and I want to be there. But other than that, like, there's going to be times that I'm going to miss things. And there's going to be times that I mess up. And I have to give myself grace. Because I'm like, you know, we all end up in counseling, right? Like, I had a great family. I ended up in counseling. Like, the kids, our kids, they're probably going to end up in counseling.

And so you do the best you can. But at the end of the day, you're not going to be perfect. And you have to give yourself that grace. And I think what it allows you to do and you can have grace on yourself is it allows you to have grace for other people to. So when you see the same thing, you know, you have grace for other people to. So when you see. that mom in the grocery store and their kid is like throwing this massive fit, you have grace for her. And you're like, man, I've been there, you know, or the mom at Chick-fil-A and one of her kids is

like running around with one shoe and there's like Chick-Flea sauce all over the floor. Like, I've been that mom. And so it's just this idea of, yeah, of just having that grace and putting the blinders on because it's hard when you're comparing your life to other people. And it's so easy to do. It's so easy to do. And I'm telling you. put those blinders on and be like, hey, this is what we're doing for our family, and this is what we believe is best. And that's what's important. And having kind of some guiding principles to give you some guardrails along the way, which I think are important. But yeah, we're all navigating this life together, guys, and it can be a tough one. But yeah, I hope you got some

encouragement from that, some random thoughts from me on my closet floor. So if you've not subscribed yet to the podcast. Make sure to do that so that these episodes automatically come right to you. Thanks you guys so much for listening. And remember, as always, take control of your money and create a life you love.