The Rachel Cruze Show - Ridiculous Money Expectations That Could End The Friendship

Starting point is 00:00:05 This stat shocked me recently that 44% of Gen Z and millennials have skipped major social events because of the cost. Now, that kind of can seem drastic, but also very relatable. So let's talk about the cost of friendship and where we need to draw some boundaries when it comes to our money and relationships so that we can all thrive. Make sure to like, subscribe, and share this episode with a friend. So now we all feel this. The older you get, it feels like you get out of college and then all. the events start happening around life, whether it's birthday parties, showers, bachelor parties, you name it, it's happening. And on average, people can spend up to $250 every single

Starting point is 00:00:47 month on social activities alone. And what's crazy is that makes sense, right? If you're going to go to a concert with friends, if you're going to go out to dinner and drinks, like, things add up. And what's wild to me now as a parent is now our kids' social activities are now becoming a thing. to the point that, like, they get invited to birthday parties, which is so great and so sweet. But sometimes, you know, it's, it's a friend that maybe we are in class with, like, two years ago or whatever. And it just, it gets to be a lot, whether it's buying gifts for everyone, even going to things. And so even recently, Winston and I, this summer, we were like, we got to just kind of like draw a line on the kids' birthday party thing because we got three kids. And if they're all invited, they could have, like,

Starting point is 00:01:28 to a weekend. And it's just, it's wild. And so even putting a boundary up there just reminded me of just how expensive social activities are. So if this is a pain point for you, just the idea that having friendships in general is costing a lot of money. Here are five things to remember. Number one, the event doesn't create the friendship. So whether it is the birthday parties or the showers or the weddings, these are exciting things in life. And yes, we want to be a part of them. We want to celebrate our friends. The relationship that we have with them is fun when you experience something together. Absolutely. But also, that relationship existed before. this specific event that you're thinking about. So maybe you are struggling with a wedding and it is,

Starting point is 00:02:11 you know, a destination wedding and you're like, I can't, I can't afford to go there. Maybe it is a shower for your best friend who's getting married, but you got to travel and you're like, I don't, I don't have time or money to be able to do that. Like whatever it looks like, just remember your relationship existed before this event. And hopefully if it's a friendship that actually has some depth in meeting and maturity, if you're not able to, you're not able to, to attend the event, it's going to be okay. Sure, we're all going to be sad and disappointed. We all want to be there for everything, but that's the reality is we can't. All right, number two, clarify obligations ahead of time by being intentional. So if you know that you can't do or buy

Starting point is 00:02:50 everything, then think through and even ask your friend directly which event matters most to them. I was talking to a friend and one of her friends is getting married and she's like, yeah, I'm like one of her close friends, but she has three different showers and three different cities, you know, then you have the Bachelorette party, then you have the wedding. And she's like, I just, I can't do it all. I can't make it all. And so talking to her and be like, hey, what is like the top two things? Obviously, the wedding you want me to be at, but I can beat at the bachelor at the party. But is there like one of the showers that you really want me at, right? Communicate and talk to the person about it. And maybe you're not able to bring a gift to every

Starting point is 00:03:27 event. Maybe your time is open and you're able to be there, but you're not able to buy a gift for everything. So that's okay. Maybe just choose one gift for one of the things that is socially, totally acceptable, or maybe go in for a group gift if you want to do that as well. But whatever you can communicate on the front end, the better. Number three, you can't say yes to everything. And again, sometimes it feels easier just to be like, yes, absolutely. But being an adult, we have to learn how to say no and say no gracefully. And again, your character and who you are is not defined by your calendar. So if you look and you're like, oh my gosh, I have all these things to do and I'm going to stay busy all the time and it's so great. Over time, you're going to be exhausted.

Starting point is 00:04:11 Like if you don't learn to put boundaries up and say no sometimes, whether that is because you just want to stay busy, maybe there's a little people pleaser in you. I don't know. But I just want you to know, growing up, me and sometimes saying no to things that maybe you want to, but you can't afford or your time doesn't allow you to. And that is okay. I want to give you permission to No, you can't be everywhere for everyone all the time. All right, before I share more, I do want to tell you about one of our amazing sponsors, Christian Health Care Ministries. More than a hundred million Americans carry medical debt,

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Starting point is 00:05:05 Y'all, CHM is where your faith and your finances agree. So go to CHministries.org slash budget to learn more today. So I can't wait to tell you about one of our new sponsors, Minow. Now, we all want our kids watching shows that are fun and safe for them. And that is why I'm so excited about Minnow. It has tons of shows that your family will love, especially The Chosen Adventures. a new show from the creators of The Chosen.

Starting point is 00:05:31 So it follows a girl named Abby as she has adventures and makes new friends and even meets Jesus. It is just so good. And as a mom, I don't have to worry because Minow is ad-free and full of biblical truth. So start your free seven-day trial today at gomino.com and use promo code Rachel for an additional $10 off an annual plan. That's go-mino.com code Rachel. All right. Number four. So sometimes you can give your time and you can go to the thing, but you don't have a lot of money.

Starting point is 00:06:01 So again, get the extravagant gift. But other times, maybe you can actually work a gift into the budget, but you choose to protect your weekend. So maybe there's like, you know, another party, another shower, whatever it is. And you're like, oh my gosh, it's going to take out my whole Saturday to go here, here, and they're not even that great of a friend. So maybe you're able just to send the gift, ship the gifts, but you're not able to actually go to the event. So again, communicating is big around all of this, but you want to keep it clean, meaning you want to know where you're at, time, money, all of it together. And your budget helps you actually do that. If you've not downloaded every dollar, make sure to do that because it is my go-to when it comes to budgeting.

Starting point is 00:06:41 So you're able to actually look and see, okay, what can I afford and what can I not? And that sometimes is your answer. All right, last but not least, number five. There is no perfection and social obligations. So listen, we're all going to make mistakes around this. We are sometimes going to go to something and regret it and be like, why did I do this? I shouldn't have done this. I should have said no. Sometimes you'll skip something and say, I can't do it. And you're like, nope, I'm going to protect my time. And then when it's over, like, man, I wish we had done this. So again, we're not going to be perfect at this. We're going to make mistakes. Now, thinking through also the specific friend, like, will this friend be offended? Like, right? will they really want to see you there? Like, I don't know. Some friends are pretty chill about it.

Starting point is 00:07:26 Some can be a little bit more high maintenance. And I don't know if that changes your response to that, but be thinking through even the relationship. Okay, adulting, y'all. It can cost a lot sometimes. But I just want to give you the permission to say no when you need to and to know we're not going to be perfect at all of this

Starting point is 00:07:43 and we can't do everything. And trust me, you are not alone in these kind of struggles, which is why I definitely want you to watch my episode. every mom struggles with this and no one talks about it coming up right here or if you're on podcast you can click the link below all right you guys remember to take control of your money and create a life you love

The Rachel Cruze Show - Ridiculous Money Expectations That Could End The Friendship

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