The Rachel Cruze Show - Tips for Taking Control When Your Money Is a Mess

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

When it comes to a money mess, a budget is your best friend. A budget is simply a plan to pay off debt and ditch money stress for good. It’s not as hard as you think, and I’m going to walk you through it. Plus, Dr. John Delony stops by to talk about what to do if you think you may be a “shopaholic.”   What you get in this episode:  ·      How I Would Budget $7,000/Month  ·      100 People Reveal Their Debt Amount (My Reaction)  ·      Signs You’re Addicted to Shopping with Dr. John Delony    Helpful Resources:  ·      EveryDollar ·      Follow Dr. John Delony on Instagram or on Youtube ·      Christian Healthcare Ministries  ·      Carly Jean Los Angeles with code “Rachel” Sponsors pay the producer of this show, The Lampo Group, LLC, advertising fees for mentioning their services or products during programming. Advertising fees are not based upon or otherwise tied to any product sale or business transacted between any consumer or sponsor. The following sponsors have paid for the programming you are viewing: Christian Healthcare Ministries, Carly Jean Los Angeles and Zander Insurance. Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The truth is, anyone with any income and any amount of debt can win with money if they have a plan. And that's the key is we want to have a plan to get out of debt and to take the most of our income and be intentional with it. Hey guys, welcome to this episode of the Rachel Cruise Show podcast. I'm so glad that you're here. So in this episode, we're going to talk about tips for taking control when your money is a mess. You'll hear my thoughts on a video about 100 people revealing their debt amounts and what to do if you're in the same boat. Then you're going to hear a conversation I had with Dr. John Deloney about an addiction that people tend to downplay and why you shouldn't. And we're going to talk through some red flags on what to do today if you're dealing with something similar.

Now, you don't want to miss that, but first, I want to walk you through a budget that was submitted to me and my team and what I would do differently if it was my budget. Take a listen. So today, I'm going to take a look at one of your budgets and show you step by step what I would do with the amount of money in a month. So I'm leading a class called Financial Peace University, and I asked if anyone in the class was willing to share their monthly budget with me so that I can kind of review and give some feedback. And, well, we had a lot of volunteers, which was so great. So I actually just chose one of them for this episode. But if you guys are interested in me looking at you. at your budget, make sure to DM me on social. That could be on Instagram or Facebook because this may be

something we do every month. Because again, looking at a budget is so helpful. And it's helpful because a lot of people are creating a budget for the first time and they feel like it can be really daunting. Or maybe you've budgeted before, but your spouse isn't fully on board or maybe your income isn't where you think it should be in order to have a successful budget. Because listen, there's always going to be obstacles in the way when you're looking at them and saying, well, I can't do it because of this. But the truth is, anyone with any income and any amount of debt can win with money if they have a plan. And that's the key is we want to have a plan to get out of debt and to take the most of our income and be intentional with it. So today, we're going to kind of

do this together. So for this example, I'm going to use every dollar because it's the app that I personally use for budgeting. And I think it's so easy to use and really helps you understand your numbers. All right, so let's take a look at this budget. So for this person specifically, they have three main money goals. Number one is to pay down credit card debt. Number two is to save up for a holy land trip for her and her husband. And third is to save three to six months of expenses. So they actually paid off their mortgage in March of 2023, which is amazing. And they saved and helped both of their kids through college, including a master's program. which is phenomenal.

Her husband is self-employed and has been for 26 years, and she's planning an early retirement in 2026 at 59 years old with a pension, but she may look at another career until she's 65 for health benefits. Okay, so what we're looking at again in this situation, everyone's going to be different, but for this one specifically, they have a total of $69,000 of debt that includes a car lease, and their baby steps, they've kind of done them out of very, order, okay? So if you think about it, Babysep 1, $1,000 emergency fund, check. They have that.

Baby Step 2 is paying off all of their debt, not including the mortgage, but they've done that. So they've not done this step yet. They still have debt. All right, and Babysp 3 is a fully funded emergency fund, which they're going to be saving for. And Baby Step 4 is to contribute 15% of your income into retirement. So they say that they're going to be contributing $50 a month until Baby Step 3 is complete, but I would nix that. Because if you're each contributing, even then that's $100 that could be going towards paying off debt. So I would pause that. And so that money could be going in your budgets to help pay off debts.

And then for them, babysaps five and six, which is pay for kids' college and pay off the house earlier, done, which is awesome. So the babysaps are a little out of order. So let's kind of start from the beginning. Baby step one, they have. Now we're going to be starting on Baby Step 2. So they're going to be paying off their debt. So here is the budget right now.

So if you look at their paychecks, they make about $3,600 per paycheck. period. So they have $7,200 to work with. So they're going to be giving, and right now it's at about $140. They're saving for that Holy Land trip, which is $76. And then A, B, C, D is $41. Sorry, that's another giving, obviously, that they're doing. Their emergency fund is $25. And then here is everything else from electricity, water, house cleaning, pool cleaning, lawn maintenance, air conditioning, property taxes. Okay, so there's some gas. I'm curious what that would be for them, unless they have Teslas and they're not paying for gas. Groceries, yep, that's about right. Personal grooming,

$245, insurance, life insurance, homeowners insurance, and then all their debts. So if I'm looking at this budget, and again, they're on Baby Step 2 is really where it's at, which is amazing. They don't have a mortgage or rents that they're having to do. So if I were them in this situation, honestly, and I hate to do it, but I'm going to, I'm going to take house cleaning out. So for a period of time, just a period of time, we're going to find money where we can. Because remember, you guys, baby step two, you are squeezing out every dollar that is possible. So for me, I'm taking out home cleaning.

Okay, I don't have a pool. My parents had a pool, my in-laws have a pool. And I know that the pool cleaning is important. But what I'm going to say is I would do as much as I can on my own and then I have the company, because I know you want to take care of it and not ruin your pool. But I would do it more instead of every month, I would go every other month.

So for this month, just for the fun of it, let's just say that we are intentional about it ourselves. Again, come June, you can put it back in for a month, but let's just take it out for the fun of it. Okay, lawn maintenance, y'all. I mean, I'm not kidding, this is where I would go zero. I even know when Winston and I were saving up for our house, like we cut everything and he mowed our yard, did it all. So even if there's like, hey, we're going to find the lawnmower, we're going to do something and do the lawn ourselves.

I'm going to go to zero here, just for the fun of it. Let's just don't, don't yell at me, y'all. Okay. Okay, we got to put some money in gas. I feel like that's, I'm going to put $100. I mean, man. I'm going to put $200 in for gas. I feel like that's very realistic.

If you have two cars and you're filling up at least twice a month, I feel like we're going to just do that. Your car lease, you've got to pay. Groceries. So it's for two people. I mean, that feels about right. I'm going to, for the fun of the game, let's see if we can do this.

Let's see if we can. $450. Again, rice and beans, beans and rice people. Like, we are cut. stuff. That's our goal here. Restaurants, I'm going to give you like a chick-fil-a-run. $50. We say you shouldn't see the inside of a restaurant unless you're working there on

Baby Step 2, but I'm going to give you a little grace on that and just give you a little bit. Close, okay, personal grooming. I don't know what that is. I understand we need haircuts. They need to do the hair, which can get expensive. Don't kill me. You're going to find somebody.

I'm thinking of color and cut and finding someone that's just starting out. some people's hair, again, it ranges on what people pay, but I'm going to do this just for the fun of here. Okay, we got homeowners, got that. Okay, so here's the deal, you guys. You got $700, they have $760, $68 left to budget. Okay, so then on here, guys, when you look at, you can look at the minimum payment.

So with Babysept 2, you guys, we're going to do minimum payments on everything. So Bank of America card, let's see what this is. Okay, so they're at. adding, they do have some extra payments going. They're not quite at the minimum payment on those first two. Let's keep going and see. 80, that's a minimum payment car.

Okay, so she's done good on these. These are minimum payments. Okay, this one, I wonder why the minimum payment is so high here. So I'm going to lower this one, you guys. If this is true, and the minimum payment is $31. All right, so I'm going to do $31 because, again, minimum payment on everything but the smallest. Whoa. here we go, y'all, here's what's fun. Okay, look at what we have right here. $1,600 is freed up.

So what I would do is I would plan on paying this one off. Let's do $1,063. Plan to pay that. So that is completely paid off. We have $1,500 left over here, almost $1,500. And I'm making sure this is the smallest debt. So she has them listed, which is awesome. Okay, so we're going to do $14, $1,43. Perfect. Okay. It's in every dollar budget. Okay, so y'all, so one credit card just this month by cutting expenses is knocked out. So boom. This one is going to be paid off, again, of how much was left over. This one's going to be paid off next month. And then even this one's going to be knocked out. And do you see, y'all, that's three debts that are going to be significantly gone in two months already.

And then you keep adding to this. And then all this is going to be knocked out, y'all, which is so, that's so excited. There's so much room here to be able. And what's fun too is, again, it's in every dollar budget. Now, I will say I may go backwards here because I see no buffer. We need a little buffer because this, you know, yeah, you got $2,300 freed up. You're going to knock that debt out, knock a good chunk of that. And then you go down to the Home Depot, paying off car, I mean, everything. You go down this list.

And this is what you do. And then I would even say, I mean, I mean, what would happen? Let's just have fun here. What would happen if we had a side hustle? Okay, y'all, and then let's just go crazy and say they each went and did a side hustle and brought in $500 each. So together in the month, they had an extra $1,000.

Let's just pretend. This is what's fun about the budget. You can kind of just sit here in like makeup scenarios. So what if this was changed to 2000? So that means for sure, like these can be knocked out so much faster. I mean, you sit there and watch and see how powerful cutting things are and then add income and how quickly you just go down this list and this is not going to take them. Depending on how crazy they get here, especially with bringing in more income, I'm like by March

or hopefully even by January, I mean, they could really major progress here, especially if they get up their income. I mean, in six to nine months, they could be completely debt-free, saving up this emergency fund in a couple other months. And then they're on baby step seven. I mean, like, oh, what I love about this is, again, it makes it so tantal. You're able to look and see and say, okay, what can I do? What can I move around? And again, nine months out of your life, out of their life is saying we're going to be changing some stuff

up for nine months. And we can all do that. Like, you can do that. It's a short-term sacrifice for a complete long-term game of not having all these credit cards. And you look at all these credit cards and all these payments going out. And if all of that was just theirs, there's so much they could be doing right now with it, which is so exciting that that will be freed up. So I I'm so excited for them. I see that it's possible. And again, living it out, you can do this for a short period of time,

knock out this debt, and then it frees up so much of your income. So fun, you guys. Okay, I love looking at your budgets. And I know it's easier to see numbers on a computer screen than living it out. So the sacrifice is real. Okay?

I'm not negating that. The sacrifice is very real. But comfort is not what we're looking for here. When you're comfortable, you're going to keep doing what you've been doing. So get out of your comfort zone. something different for a while, and then you're able to come back and say, yeah, girl, we'll get my hair down by the best person in the city or whatever.

You spend all your money with what you want to do. Get the house cleaner back. Get the lawn service back. It's great. For a period of time, that sacrifice is so huge. And you can see it right there on the budget. All right, you guys. Well, thank you to the person that offered up their numbers.

It was so helpful because, again, seeing other people's picture and what they're doing is so helpful because there should never be shame around money. It takes a lot of courage, especially to let other people see your progress and where you're at. So I hope that walking through a real life Every Dollar budget step by step is helpful. And if you're interested in knowing more about budgeting or even giving it a try for the first time, the Every Dollar app is 100% free to download. And it's so easy to use. So I'll leave a link in the description for you to check it out.

And I also mentioned that I met this person in Financial Peace University in the class that I'm leading. So if you're curious about FPU and might be interested in signing up for the class, I would love for you to do that. So you can go to Ramsey Solutions.com to sign up for a class today. And I'll also leave a link in the description. So today I'm going to be reacting to a video from Cut,

which is where they ask 100 people how much debt they have. And I'm always interested in what people have to say. And I'm interested to see if these people are similar to the situations that we hear on the Ramsey show every single week from callers from really all over the country and even the world at times. So I'm going to react to some of the numbers and also talk through some steps to help you possibly get out of debt. I got evict it. It's all medical bills.

Medical bills. Are you going to pay them? Yeah, I'm paying them off. I got a few racks in debt. The 3,000-hour range. 4,000 or 4,000? 4,000 or 5,000 maybe? $5,000.

$6,000? Speeding tickets. Actually, not that much. $7,000. Does that affect your life? No. It's affecting me more now because I'm trying to buy a house and can't get approved. How much debt do you have?

Tons? Not much. Close to $10,000? $10,000 worth of debt. $11,000 for my student loan. And then $200 is on my credit card right now. Okay, so the first thing that strikes me are the eviction and medical debt stories. You guys, it's so tough, but this is why everyone needs an emergency funds.

Because when emergencies happen, like you lose. your home unexpectedly, I mean, that guy was going to be evicted, which is wild, or you have medical stuff because you're sent to the hospital or a car breaks down or whatever the case may be, you can pull from that already saved funds and not have to charge that situation on a credit card or even then pay more and more interest the more debt you get in. The second thing that stands out is the woman who says that her debt is just now starting to affect her when it comes to buying a house. And you guys, this is so real. Most people think that they can say, above water with interest payments and all that for a short time. But when they're ready for a

big investment like buying a house, that credit score makes it impossible because a bad credit score will harm you versus what we teach is a no credit score after you get out of debt. But here's the deal with a credit score, you guys. A credit score is made up of all you interacting with debt. Okay, so people try to get in debt and stay in debt to keep this credit score happy to go get into more debt. So we teach to get completely out of debt with a fully funded emergency fund and save up for a good down payment on your home before you ever even think about buying a house. So here's the deal, you guys. When you get out of debt, that credit score that was all made up of how you interact with debt goes down, down, down, down, down, to where you basically

have an undetermined credit score. There is no credit score. It's not even there because they can't make a credit score because you have no debt. Now with that, then you can go through a process called manual underwriting. Well, they were underwrite you the mortgage. But if you have bad credit, you guys and you try to go and get a house, they're going to pull your credit report and see that bad score, not great score, and you're not going to qualify for the loan. So that's what ends up happening here. And that's what ends up happening with some people when they're getting out of debt with the Ramsey plan. They try to go and buy a house too early and they pull their credit report and like, yeah, you don't qualify for that loan. So again, be out of debt. Let that credit

score go down to undetermined, save up a good down payment and then buy a house. Okay, let's see what's next. 12,000. 15,000. $16,835. 18 maybe? But I said, I have a plan. 20. Where does your debt come from?

Student, student being a college student. Student loan debt. Student loans, I have like $12,000 and then $8,000 in credit card debt. $20,000. $20,000. Okay, at first, this clip kind of made me laugh when she said, it's $18,000, but I have a plan. And then there's the guy who gave the exact same dollar amount about his debt. which is always funny because some people are like,

yeah, I kind of know what my debt is, and they kind of round up, and some people are like, no, down to the penny, I know what it is. But you guys, either way, this is no way to live. So no one wants to go through life with thousands of dollars in debt, constantly thinking about that exact number

in the back of their mind. So did you see what happened when everyone starts talking about their student loans? Well, I immediately noticed that everyone's facial expressions and tone of voice changed when they started sharing their amount of student loan debt that they owed.

So the idea that student loans are always necessary and are unavoidable is a lie that so many people have been sold. But you guys, it doesn't have to be this way. I get calls from collections agencies, like once a day, but I kind of just ignore it. I don't answer phone calls no more. If it's not in my phone, I'm not answering. I think I have about $45,000 worth of debt. Not as much as I did. I just paid off like $45 grand. How's it going to look back? A settlement. My back. My back. My back. was broken by a semi-truck.

Now I have less debt. Get hit by a semi-truck, guys. First of all, I hope she's okay. She's laughing about it, so hopefully that means that she's healed and she's okay. But I know she's joking, but for the record, you should not be hit by a semi-truck. Enter your back to make more money from a lawsuit

to pay off debt, okay? Just going to throw that out there. Sometimes I worry that I'm never going to pay it off. What's your plan to pay off? Mary Rich. Eating ramen. I think you can survive without having a credit card. Never had a credit card.

I married somebody who was really good with money. My family had debt, and it was very stressful. So I'd rather just work myself to the bone than ever have debt. When I was married, we had to declare bankruptcy. Homilating. We just had to file Chapter 13. It really drags you down. It's constantly on your mind.

Okay, now we're talking. So one guy says that he believes you can survive without it. credit card, yes. And another guy says that eating ramen is part of his plan to pay off debt, which I love that strategy. Great strategy. And a few of the women at the end discussed the burden of bankruptcy and how humiliating they felt when going through it. Man, which is so hard, you guys, money stuff. Oh, the emotions around money are so true and so real. That's one reason I love when people turn the script around and they control their money versus their money controlling them. So I know so many people can relate to this because it is really difficult.

All right, so this is the world, y'all. This is the range of people and situations and stories and dollar amounts that you get. But if I could say one thing to all these people, I would say, there's hope. You don't have to live like you've seen everyone in the world live. Because the way everyone in the world lives, they're broke, and that doesn't have to be you. And I've seen tens of thousands of people do this plan. Do the Ramsey Way and do the baby steps. So if you're someone who's ready to take control of your money and get out of it,

of debt, the best thing you can do is follow the seven baby steps. It is a full-proof way to budget and build up your savings strategically while you're paying off debt. So again, it's everything from getting an emergency fund, paying off debt, saving up a large emergency fund after that, saving for retirement and kids college and paying on the house off early, all of this. So if you have no idea where to start and you're like, Rachel, but I have so much debt, I've never budgeted before. This seems like so much. I know it can feel overwhelming, but trust me, the minute you you start being intentional and you actually face your problems head on, you're immediately going to feel relief. And that relief will only come when you grow and stick to this plan and see

the progress. Okay, so it's going to be a journey, but it is so worth it. I would visit ramsysolutions dot com and sign up for Financial Peace University. You guys, this course has helped millions of people get out of debt and take control of their money. And it will teach you how to do the step-by-step plan and give you the tools that you need to experience real-life change and growth with your money. Today, I am joined by my friend, co-host of The Ramsey Show, and host of his own show, Dr. John Delo. What's up? Welcome, Deloney. How are you?

I'm good. I'm good. Okay, so I'm having you on today because I want to talk about a subject that kind of floats around in a joking manner, but also a pretty serious manner. So around addiction, shopping addiction. specifically. So again, this is something that I feel like gets floated around in conversations. People kind of joke like, oh my gosh, I'm a shopaholic. But what we find is that this is a legitimate addiction and can truly wreck people's lives. But we talk about people being natural

savers or spenders, and I'm a natural spender. So I do tend to lean on the side of like kind of compulsion and like, oh yeah, there's a good sale. I'm going to shop or I'll get on Amazon and buy something new. So talk us through. I mean, you can start with like high level addiction. and then go down to shopping specifically. But like, what are the red flags versus being just like, oh, yeah, I'm just a natural spender? So let's use the word you just used and kind of pull it apart.

When you're shopping, do you just get boxes that show up into your house and you're like, I don't even remember buying this? Or do you feel like, you see your clothes and your closet, and you're like, I need to get in a shirt, and you get in a shirt, and it just kind of builds and builds and builds until you go get on that shirt? One or the other or both?

Either one. Both. Both. Maybe the last. Not the boxes. But yeah, I'll look and be like, I just feel like I don't really have anything to wear. And then a sale comes out, I'm like, oh, sure.

I'll buy a shirt. The difference between impulsive and compulsive, right? Impulsive is this thing you do without thinking. You grab your phone, you grab your phone, you grab your phone. And that's the person who just boxes show up. I don't remember buying that. I just bought it. I wasn't even thinking about it.

I'm watching my kid and I'm just buying stuff on the phone while I'm watching them at gymnastics or whatever. That's impulsive behavior. Compulsive, it's an anti-anxiety response that your body does. It begins to feel an urge and urge. That's how I experience it. I see a guitar and I really want that guitar. A guitar doesn't magically show up.

It's just this quiet little voice in the back that's going, you're going to get it? Are you going to get it? You're always going to stay a loser? You're never going to have that cool guitar? Yeah. How much money do you make? Really?

And it just goes until I get it. And I go, and it lasts for about a few minutes. And then I put the guitar down and then I still got to go do the dishes and stuff, right? Yes. So that's impulsive and compulsive. I think we get a little too in the weeds when we talk about. Is it impulsive? Compulsive is an addiction or not?

Right. I want us to back up and say this. Anytime you are buying something without thinking about it. You're doing anything mindlessly or you're doing something to cover up for a relational issue. Right? So I get home and I'm a little bit tense and I go sit down on the computer and start clicking. Or my wife and I have a fight and she goes in that room, I go on this room and I'm scrolling and all of a sudden I'm looking at Amazon Prime, right?

Addiction is a proxy for a relationship. It's a thing you do to quiet your body because your body finds itself alone. Yes. Anything that distracts you from your present moment, from the present realities of your relationships, that's addiction. Phone, drinking, pornography, calendar,

being busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. All those things fall into the same category. Because, yeah, when you think about, that's why I want to talk to you about shopping specifically, because, again, broad level when you hear addiction, you kind of go to these big buckets, right, that you hear a lot, whether it's drugs, alcohol, porn. But with shopping, for some reason,

there's always like this joking bent to it. Like, people throw, like, rarely do you throw around, like, oh, I'm an alcoholic. But people throw around, oh, I'm a shopaholic, and they use it as a justification, right? And I know it's kind of a joke. Like, I know they're saying it jokingly, but in my line of work, I'm like, no, but, like, for real,

that is something that is so real in our culture that we don't address, because there are addictions. to our phone. Like, when you're talking about that, it's almost like you're in this other phase. And I'll look and I'm like, I'm on Instagram. How did I even get on Instagram?

I don't even remember unlocking my phone. I don't remember typing in my phone. Like, I don't remember. And I'm like, and you show up here and you're like, what am I doing? Right. I think that dismissive, like, oh, I'm just a shopaholic. It's very similar to kind of the day drinking trend. Like, it's wine Wednesdays or it's wine o'clock and it's 11 a.m.

Or whatever the little bibs say, whatever. It's this way of, if we just kind of, if we just kind of, laugh about it and make it a joke, we can kind of arm sweep the shame off the table. Yes. We all know this isn't good. Yes. Right? We all know we went into Target to grab two things and our basket is full, right?

What's that? There's a great Instagram meme. It's like, I bought a roll of toilet paper and a tube of toothpaste and my total was $742. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And Target. That's not healthy behavior. Yeah.

And almost all the time, it's covering up for something else. Either the absent-mindedness of it all or the intentional, I'm going to go and buy this and this and this, that's covering up for something else. Okay, so someone that is thinking, oh, my gosh, I really could be someone that could be categorized as a true shopaholic, or I spend for an addiction because I am so addicted to the feeling that it's giving me of numbing out or whatever it may be. I don't know this is a big conversation because I know there's a lot there,

but what are a couple of ways that you could say, okay, here are ways to kind of just pinpoint and say, yes, this could be an issue, and, like, is there anything to do about it today? Yeah. One, I want to always back away from any sort of self-labeling. And I know that sounds so woo-woo and cheesy. I get it, I get it. I don't want anyone self-diagnosing with I'm a shopaholic, right?

Or I have a spending disorder, which isn't really a thing. I want people to say, you know, when I get really stressed, I just start buying stuff. Or I get to the end of the month, and I have blown through my budget so fast. So if we want to solve this, people always ask, how do I know if I'm addicted to my phone? I say, put your phone in a drawer for four hours. And if you can't breathe, you've probably got a problem, right? Similarly, I don't know if I have a problem with alcohol. Quit drinking for 30 days and see what happened.

Yeah. Right. So stop buying. Change your password to Amazon or cancel Amazon Prime or give your spouse the password. Take your debit card out and give it away. And if you get to the end of the day and you're like, I need to run to the grocery store and get some milk and whatever bread, that's fine.

But if you start funding yourself, itching or clawing or frustration, or snapping at people that you love or overly aggressive with your kids or your spouse, that may be, hey, my body tries to take care of itself through shopping. That's what we've got to track down. Okay. And so much of this, because so much of what we talk about money specifically, is so much of a symptom of other things going on. So in your line of work, like what are a couple of, maybe just general reasons

that someone may hear you say, oh, yeah, people can tend to, again, self-medicate all different ways? but shopping being one of them because of what? Like marriage issues, kids are stressed, season of life? Like, what are some common buckets that people find ways to medicate? I think, again, addiction. Addiction is a behavior we continue to do

despite the fact that we know it's hurting us. Right? That can be any number of things. Sure, sure. My best interpretation of the science is all addiction springs from, or almost all of addiction springs from some sort of relational trauma

or relational dysfunction or some sort of way your body has noticed, we are not in relationship anymore, or there's a bigger gap between the two of us than we think. Yes. A lot of times couples can sit down on the same couch

and both have two double shots of whatever, and they think that they're close, and they think their marriage is great, but their bodies are numbing the electricity that's here. Or somebody may be buying something and buying something, and he may be scrolling on fantasy sports, right? Stop the fantasy sports, for God's sake.

But we're both in two different planets, right? We're in two different places, really addiction. The best way I can distill the literature down is it's a relational and issue. Yeah. That's so good. Well, I think just being aware, I think is one of the biggest things, is the self-awareness around why and what is going on is huge. So for you guys, again, it could be stress, it could be emotions, there could be so much that goes into this. And also, you know, time of life. So like the pandemic, do you feel like that affected people? Yeah, so imagine what we saw happening during the pandemic

is everyone's locked in a house. And then married couples became co-managers of school and house and work from home and all these different things. And let's be honest, let's call it what it was. Delivery services saved the day. Yes. The ability for us to get food and resources just delivered to our house,

that's never happened in human history. I think it saved a big time calamity, right? But we got used to just clicking and clicking and clicking. And with no other doping, no other ability to get these other chemicals. Man, it was easier just to buy and buy and buy. Then all of a sudden we're released to the wild, why would I want to go brave the Walmart parking lot

when I can just have Walmart deliver it to my house? Right? And now we're off into a whole new way of doing life. Yes. Okay, so why do you think we usually hear more about drug addictions or alcoholism more than shopping? This one hurts my heart a little bit because it tends to be culturally specific. A group of folks in a particular culture will say, here's the things that we accept and here's what we don't accept.

In our culture, we don't accept. If you use drugs, you go to jail. But if you work 95 hours a week, we give you a million dollars and say congratulations, here's an award, right? It's both addiction. Neither of them are healthy for you. And so when someone says, I'm struggling with addiction, what I always want to get to the bottom of is,

what has happened in your life, what is happening in your life? that makes this your body's only way of dealing with it, right? Yes. Regardless of what it is. But drugs, alcohol, those are the big ones, and they have some immediate health consequences. You can hurt other people.

Sure. But largely, it's cultural and context. So interesting. Then that's what's crazy is like, we all have a level of addiction. Everyone, right? And I've heard someone say, which I like this. They were like, yeah, the word addiction is like a trash can

and there's stuff in there. And there's stuff that's not in there that should be in there. But I think that that is so important because I think understanding our stories, understanding what has happened to us, right? And regardless of whether you came from a good home or not, we're human. And we are raised by imperfect people. We have an imperfect world.

We are imperfect. So there's always going to be stuff that you're coping with, but understanding why gets to the bottom of not only money issues, but even bigger things that could start to happen. Yeah. And I remember when my son, Hank, was two. I knew one thing. I didn't know how to do this.

And my wife let me know that I was not good at diaper. I had no idea that kids go to the bathroom, 400 times a day. I thought they went once, like regular. Anyway, I didn't know any of this stuff, and I was ashamed about it, and then I got embarrassed about it, and my wife and I would bicker.

So the one thing I knew I was good at was work. And so I just focused this much, and I knew I could support my family and show my family that I loved him by being good at work. And that was when the relationship went like this, right? That was when there was a little gap there. Or it happens, it's very common that maybe a mom

gets really connected to a newborn. And this newborn becomes the center of her world, the other way around. When a husband comes in and wants to do this or wants to this, nope, this is my protection from having to deal with this or this or this, right? So all of that is just our body's way of coping with. Yep, feeling it. So interesting. Okay, so what would you say are some red flags that people can kind of start to maybe be somewhat concerned with, if you will, when it comes to specifically shopping and our habits around spending money? It's when the outcomes of an action are detrimental to your life. So I need to buy a thing,

this just put me into more depth. Yeah. I need to, I want to relax. Now I'm drunk again, right? I just want to check my Instagram real quick. It's an hour later, and I can hear my kids running around upstairs, and I'm in my closet just avoiding everybody, right?

So it's when the actions, the numbing behavior becomes detrimental to us. That's when you've got a problem. That's a good flag, though. It's when you can be in denial about for a bit, but then that's when life starts to really clash. And just another thing, if you've got friends that will sit down and talk to you. Oh, yeah.

I've had great friends in my life who've said, hey, man, we just notice you're on trend X, right? Or we're uncomfortable with this. That's always important, too. It's good. Okay, so we do find you guys that compulsive shopping shows up in multiple ways. One of the ways is bargain shopping. So this is when the thrill of the deal just becomes overwhelming and you just love it, love, love it. And you can justify that way.

Circular shopping. So this is shopping again for the deal. and then people actually go back and return after they've been shopped and return the item. Collectors, so you kind of get this false sense of security that you are collecting things that may be good for your life in the long run. Maybe it's a good investment, but it's really an excuse. And then there's also the trophy shoppers, so they get their value from what they're wearing, having nice things, all of that.

So, again, just some things to look out for you guys, because this can seep into our culture and just like the work addiction example, which is a great one. there are times that people can kind of just joke it off or whatever, but it does end up negatively affecting your life. So you guys, I don't want that to be you. I want you to be free from this stuff. I want you to be able to say, I really am

controlling my money. So those of you guys that are currently not in debt, a shopping addiction may not seem like a big threat, but again, some of these negative effects that we talked about could be there. And again, at Ramsey, we believe that there is hope, regardless of your situation,

regardless of where you are, financially, mentally, spiritually, you have the ability to change your life. It's just having that hope to believe that you really can that you can wake up the next day and make a different decision. So, John, thanks so much for being on. This was always so helpful. And all your content that you talk about on your show, the Dr. John Deloney show, you guys,

make sure to check it out because he reframes a lot of the things that we think in life, and he brings a new perspective and even takes things that are a little taboo, brings into the light. We love that for you. John. Love that. So make sure to check out everything else. Anywhere else people can find you besides the show. At John Deloney. Perfect. Okay, on all the socials. Well, thanks again, John for being on. Thank you for having me. So appreciate you guys. Make sure to send this to a friend who may need it. And if you

really do want to take control of your spending, make sure to check out every dollar, which is our budgeting app. Oh, you guys again, everyone is so different, different stories, different dollar amounts, debt amounts. But again, hopefully you know a consistent theme through people that win with their money is hope that that they can do something different and change their future. And the same is true with you. All right, I want to thank Dr. John Deloney for being on the show. And thank you guys so much for listening. If you have not reviewed this podcast, please leave a review.

It helps us so much with the algorithm and rankings and all of that for people to find this podcast as we want to give hope to as many people as possible. So your reviews help so, so much with that. And thank you guys so much again for listening. And remember to take control of your mind. and create a life you love.