The Ramsey Show - A Large Income Won’t Protect You From Debt

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

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Hey guys, Black Friday week is here with five days of deals starting at just $12. Go to ramsysolutions.com slash store to check them out. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show where we help people build wealth, do work they love, and create amazing relationships. I am Rachel Cruz, hosting this hour with Jade Warshaw, and we are here to take your calls. And you can call us at 888-825-5225, and we'll be answering your questions on life,

and money, and career, relationships, all of it. All of it. So let's get to the phones this hour. We have Amy in Pensacola. Hi, Amy. Welcome to the show. Hi.

How are you? We are doing great. How are you? Good. How can we help? I'm really, really excited to be on the phone. So I have a bunch of questions, but my husband and I are definitely in need to help with overall financial plan. We have more than over a million dollars in debt.

Whoa! What's it in? What's the debt in? Well, we went through a really long school life. Okay. So student loans. So our student loan was a million when we graduated. Oh my gosh.

Wait. You can't just cruise past that. You gotta tell us more. What are your degrees in, Amy? So we are both in dental specialist. So, you know, college. Well, we actually didn't have any loans for college. Dental school, we had loans. Specialist residencies, we actually didn't have loans

because my husband served in the military. So they pay for that. So just dental, four years of dental loan, we have a million dollars together. Okay. But you earn a lot of money, right? I sure hope so. So we, we now we came down to like 750. Also, we're proud of it. But, um, since he's in the military, uh, we don't actually earn that much money, but the good news is he's getting off of military and we're going to start a new job where we should, uh, or minimum

income will be about 600 K. Okay. So wonderful. That's good. Um, is this a business that you're opening a practice together? Is that what it is? Actually no. Um, we, so we wanted to make sure like our life is in a little bit less of a death before we even think about opening our own.

Sure. That would require a lot more capital. So you just said we so I didn't know if you were working together or you're just going out and getting separate jobs. We are working together in a practice. Okay. Together, but we don't own them. And combined you'll be making 650,000. That will be a minimum, yes.

When does that start? Summer. Okay, so soon. And these are guaranteed jobs and salary, like this is what you're going to make. Yes, so it's a per production. So, you know, that's gonna be a minimum. And if you make more, you know, you're gonna get more.

Well, that's the great news of this story, Amy. I, so for you guys, you're gonna get more. Well, that's the great news of this story, Amy. I, so for you guys, I mean, I would work to live on 70 K. Uh huh. And you throw everything at this debt and you get it paid off in a year and a half and be done. And then go right off into the sunset, making $600,000 a year debt free. Like your numbers sound really big, but ratio wise, it's the same as the person who calls

in and makes $60,000 a year and has $100,000 of debt. Like it's, it sounds a lot because a million dollars is just a big number, but the ratio is the same. How are you living right now? Like, tell me about your numbers right now. What, what does rent cost? What are you bringing in right now? So that's another question.

Thanks for asking. That will be my next question. Because we now technically own a house, but not pay off. We are planning on, well, in the beginning, before I started listening to you guys show, I wanted to either rent this place and buy another place in our new job will be because we have to move and buy another house. But then I was thinking that our student loan is so high we decide to sell this house, pay our you know all the mortgage. If you sell it what will it bring? Doesn't bring much because our our

financial advisor told us to pay as minimum as possible. So we actually didn't pay that much off. Okay. We bought this not that long ago, actually, not even three years ago. So we are trying to sell this and then not even buy another house. Amy, talk in real numbers because right now you're saying like, it's all kind of up here. I want to know real numbers. If you buy, if you're moving, give us more details. If you move, where are you moving from and then where are you moving to? If you sell the house, how much will it bring and what do you plan on doing with that money? Give us a few more details so we can really dig in with you.

So we have a mortgage to last for about 370K. Okay, so you owe 370. If you sell it, how much will you take home? Do you think after the sale? Maybe 40K. And that's after fees and whatnot from the realtor and everything like that. Okay, so the 40K, you're thinking you're gonna roll that

into a new mortgage when you move this summer for this job? Is that what you're thinking? We were thinking that, but now we're thinking that maybe we should just rent a place. I'm thinking that too. Yep, yep. And that's $40,000 more to the student loan. That makes some progress.

Yeah, so Amy, here's gonna be your struggle. It's not gonna be income. And usually when we're talking to people like this, we're like, you gotta get side hustles, all this, all this. And honestly, with what you guys have, you can have this paid off in a year and a half. But your problem is gonna be, Amy, that you guys are going to,

if me and Jade were in this position, I would just tell you, both of us with our spouses, our decisions would probably be very similar. We're getting a one bedroom apartment. We're living as cheap as possible for two years. And Amy, the biggest struggle that's gonna happen is you're gonna get into this new job, into this dental world where people are making insane money,

which is great, and they should, they do great work, but they're gonna be living insane lives. I mean, to make $600,000 a year, the trips. The squashing season. Yeah, the trips, the cars, the out to eat, the parties, the gay, I mean, everything you could imagine, Amy, is the world you're about to step into, and you're not gonna be a part of it.

And you're gonna say, for a year and a half, 18 months, 24 months, we are not gonna live like we make $600,000. We're gonna live like we make $600,000. We're gonna live like we make 60,000. And I'm telling you, the faster that you can just stay in this mentality and get through this, Amy, the unbelievably better part this is gonna be. Not only are you going to appreciate

that 600,000 even more, but you're done with this mess. I mean, yes, your shovel is big and a million dollars is big, but it's a million dollars. I think to anyone, I mean, it's a gasp. Like it's a lot. And if you just act normal in this, you're gonna keep this around for five, six years and you'll make the payments and you'll figure it out,

but it's just gonna be floating where we want more intensity and be done. And then you can go get a bad A home. I mean, you can get so much. Like you can do so much with this. The upside is you're moving somewhere where you're brand new and you don't know anyone and you don't have any heirs to keep up.

Like, do you know what I'm saying? It's harder if you had been, if you had called us and it was five years later and you were in this job making 650, you had the house, you had the cars, you were used to this lifestyle and you had to cut back, it'd be difficult. But you haven't even got into it yet, so you, and you don't know anybody yet,

there's no standard to keep up. You can fly under the radar, do your thing, and then after a year and a half, you can pop out, what's good, let's take a trip. Let's spend some money. Amy, the faster you get rid of this, I'm telling you, the faster that burden lifts. And you guys, I'm so glad you found us.

I know you're kind of your new listener, but I'm telling you, this is the proven plan. So do it. Do it well. We're excited for you, Amy. Congrats on the big education and the big salary, but make some right decisions here. This is the Ramsey Show. These days, it's not if your identity gets stolen, it's when. And the only ID theft protection plan I have ever recommended is from Zander Insurance.

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In the end though, you need an ally, someone on your side to take over the work and fix the problem. That's what Xander is all about. Go to xander.com to learn more or call 800-356-4282. 800-356-4282. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Rachel Cruz hosting with Jade Warshaw. We are answering your questions today.

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Absolutely, how can we help? Well, I'm in, well, a jam doesn't begin to explain it, I guess. I'm a bivocational pastor. I work 60 hours a week for my secular job and about 30 hours a week in the ministry. I'm married. I have two wonderful boys. Love my church because I love my God. You know, God's been good to me, but I've got back against the wall, my back's into the wall, if that's a possible thing i've got a a mortgage it's out of hand uh... i've got to car payments that are out of hand uh... kinda got

dealt a bad hand when it came to those uh... those particular debt uh... got lied to both of them uh... and i know cost me a lot more and stuck me where i kind of did have a choice but uh... i'm uh... i'm looking at a mortgage where I'm paying $1,700 a month. I'm $18,000 in negative equity in my car, and that's it. I've maxed out my credit. I've got nowhere to go, and I could really use some sound godly advice from you ladies. Oh, Jared, I'm so sorry.

So tough. I know it's really stressful, and especially when you feel like you're trying to do the right thing and it's not gaining traction, then that is difficult. But, yep, hopefully we can help here. Okay, so what do you do for your vocational job that you said? So I'm an on-call supervisor, and what I do is I take care of people with developmental disabilities. Okay and how much do you make in that job? My take home is $1,900 and it's bi-weekly.

Okay so $1,900 every two weeks? Correct. Okay so how much do you make as a pastor? What does that bring in? What is that bringing in? My salary is $1,500 a month and then I have a housing allowance and stuff like that too. I don't know if that figures into this or not though. Yeah, it does. So what's your housing allowance? Because is that going towards your mortgage?

It is, yes. And it's $1,900. Okay, good. So is your housing allowance covering your mortgage then if your mortgage is $1,700? Yes. So is your housing and allowance covering your mortgage then if your mortgage is $1,700? Yes, it does cover that and it usually covers most of the electric bill as well. Okay, okay. Yep, that's big. And then how much do you owe on the cars?

For mine, I owe just under $25,000, like $24,700. And then for the other one, I owe $8,900. Okay. And how much in credit card debt? $12,500 for the one, and then the other one is a total of $13,000. Okay. And does your wife work outside the home at all? She does, she works from home, yes. Okay, what does she earn each month? Bring home.

She's about, it depends on the hours she's able to get, but I'd say she's about 800 a month or so, somewhere in there. What does she do? She does medical billing. Okay. Okay. So I've got you at $8,000 a month between the two of you, obviously. Um, 1700 of that is going to the mortgage housing allowance. Um, okay. So help me when I look at this, I'm like, okay, mortgage is covered.

There's some debt here. It's like 6,500 left after mortgage. So where it going? Yeah are you guys on a budget? Yes we are on a budget. Where we're at now too so the credit card debt that I gave you one of them was the 12,500 the other two are through I'm doing a debt consolidation because they were maxed out and I couldn't afford the minimum payment. So I moved that into one payment. And then also, I'm trying to, I'm nervous. I'm nervous. That's okay. You're fine. You're fine. We have time. We have time. You're good. And then in addition to that, I pay for my son. He goes to a private Christian school. Okay, that might be, that might be an area. How old are the boys? I pay for my son, he goes to a private Christian school.

Okay, that might be an area. How old are the boys? My oldest is seven, my youngest is four. So seven and four, how much is tuition for the private school? It is 3700, I wanna say, for the year. Okay. What else? So you're paying 308 bucks a month for Yeah, I'm curious where the $6500 is going though. Because how

much is how much payments for your car? How much are they for your car? My, my car is 470, no 480 a month. Okay. And, and then my, I pay for my wife's car as well. Which is how much? $240. Okay, so I've still got you at $5,280. Keep going.

Okay. Then there was student loans involved in that. What's the payment? That is now no more because the president, he just took those. Well, let's pretend, let's just pretend. What would the minimum payment, what was it? $200. Okay, minus $200.

So now we're at $5,080, keep going. I'm just helping you work through this, it's not to try to call you out. No, not at all. I appreciate it. Let me think. Then cell phone bills, 190 a month. And then I've got car insurance, which is up at 180 a month. Okay.

Okay. Then of course, we're talking about tithes. So 10% of the amount that I gave you there is going to the church. I gave you there is 800. Yeah, okay 3900 What's been on these credit cards Jared? What are you putting on that for $13,000 and $12,000? Well a lot of that was Just trying to make the ends meet not having enough to make the ends meet, not having enough to make the bills. I just recently, my income is higher

over the last couple months because I started asking for more hours at work. Okay, that's good. So that's new. So it was below that. Okay, okay. Okay, so Jared, I mean, just looking at these numbers, there's not like a, oh, I forgot the $3,000 bill here,

whatever that is, right? Like there's a month, there's not a big gaping hole. I'm just, I may just call it out, Jared. I just feel like you guys have been sloppy. Would you agree? Jared Well, I wouldn't disagree. I'm sure it's a- Lauren Yeah, and Jared, and I'm going to say this, because you mentioned this, and as believers in this room, I think we're spiritually somewhat consistent, Scripture has nothing good to say about debt. Nothing. Every time debt is mentioned, it is in a negative fashion. Now, it's not a sin. We'll still go to heaven. It's fine if you still

got your credit card debt. Like, okay, everything's fine in that regard. But the wisdom that comes from every time it is spoken, it is in a negative fashion. And so in that sense, I would say, let's lean on the spiritual conviction that we all believe here from something that is consistent and that is eliminating debt. So you've been running to something that is getting you deeper and deeper in a hole, right? And so I think for you guys, if you tighten the subject,

I'm encouraged by it because I think your numbers are there. I really do. And so I want you to hang on the line because Christian's going to pick up and we're going to give you every dollar premium. And I want you to cut up these credit cards. And I want this to be a moment where a line is drawn for you all. And you're going to say no more. We are not running to these credit cards to make minimum payments and make ends meet because

you don't need to you have thousands of dollars and you have a really blessed situation of even as this pastoral role to have the mortgage paid for with the housing allowance. I'm like, you guys are in a really great position. You're going to be working a crap ton. You're probably exhausted, Jared working 90 hours a week. But for a period of time, I mean, truly, if you guys threw, I mean, five grand at some of this, I'm like,

you could be knocking this stuff out. I mean, month after month. And so I would, I would get on a really tight budget that there is nothing, no expenses going out that are not necessities, Jared. And you guys can do this. I really believe in you. I think you can. This just has to be a turning point from here on out. This is The Ramsey Show. You want to leave happy memories for your loved ones when you pass away? Not a mess. Your family will be grieving, so don't make them spend days trying to access your computer or sift through drawers full of junk. That's why you need a knockbox. Knockbox is a complete home organization system and estate planning tool that helps you

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your budget for a Knockbox. They'll be offering exclusive deals each day this week plus a special Black Friday promotion. Go to knockbox.com slash Ramsey to save on a system that helps you get it all together. That's Knockbox, nokbox.com slash Ramsey. You're listening to the Ramsey Show. I am your host, Ramsey personality, Jade Warshaw. And I am joined by my cohost today, host of the Rachel Cruz Show. I've got Rachel Cruz with me to my right.

And guys, we're taking calls all afternoon about your life, what's going on in your financial situation. Maybe you have questions about things you've read on the internet regarding finance or things you've seen on the news or just whatever's going on in your life, give us a call. The number is triple eight, eight two five, five two two five. And on this show, man, we're always talking about things

that directly affect you. And we're always filtering it through how we teach money here, which is a series of baby steps. You might hear us talk about baby step one or baby step six. You might hear us talk about things like financial peace university. You might hear us use lingo like gazelle intensity or certain things. And you're like, what the heck are they talking about?

So here's the thing. If you're a new listener and you want to dive deeper into the Ramsey baby steps, we want you to go to Ramsey solutions dot-com and click the get started button Okay And what's gonna happen here is we're gonna help you figure out your best next step for your financial journey Based on exactly where you're at today. You're gonna get some education some knowledge. We're gonna put you on the right track So remember go to Ramsey solutions.com and click get started. All right, let's go straight to the phone lines. We've got Mark on the line from Los

Angeles, California. Hey, Mark, what's going on? I'm headed out your way this evening, Mark, to Los Angeles. Awesome. Awesome. Thanks for taking my phone call, Jade and Rachel. Appreciate it. You're welcome. What's going on? It's a little bit cloudy out here today. Oh, yeah. Well, I hope the weather holds up for me. Yes, I know. I don't think you'll get the sunshine this week, but appreciate it. Hey, thanks for taking my phone call. I got a question for you. I'm looking to purchase a third vehicle, a fun vehicle, and it's approximately $55,000 and I'm debt free other

than our house and I'd be paying cash for it and I really want it. It's a pretty rare car but I think the thing is in my heart I'm a really good saver and I'm really good giver but I don't really spend a whole lot of money and so I'm just kind of torn on it and in my mind I'm like okay this would be great a lot of great family family memories of my wife and three kids. You're already emotionally attached to it I see. I know I know it is. Mark how much do you make a year? It's usually around 225 this year's going to probably be around 350. 350 okay. Very good good income and so you said this is going to be your

third vehicle? It would be your third vehicle? It would be a third vehicle. Yep. Really just fun to toy. Yeah. How much, how much do you already have tied up in your other two vehicles? Value-wise? My wife's car is worth about $45,000 and my car is worth about $15,000 daily drivers. 15. So I don't know. Yeah, probably 60,000 I have total tied up in cars right now. Okay.

Yeah, cause kind of our rule of thumb Mark is that we don't want more than 50% of your take home pay for the year annual take home pay to be more to have motors and wheels. So you want at least half of that, but you make great money. So you're gonna be under wheels. So you want at least half of that, but you make, I mean, you make great money, so you're gonna be under that, just barely, yeah,

just barely under that rule of thumb, if you will, because we just don't want so much tied in of your net worth being in, you know, things that have wheels and motors, because those tend to go down in value so quickly. So, but I mean, technically, yeah, you're in that space. Are you guys, you guys have good other savings? Do you have an emergency fund and everything? Yeah, I have, I have about 200,000 cash on hand. Okay, very good. Why so much cash on hand? Yeah. You know, I had had some investments and I, we just, we've done really well this year. And so we've had a lot of cash come in and so I just I haven't invested it other than just small stuff like you know three to five percent interest in the market and stuff

like that but you know I've got I have other other retirement funds already set up as well so we're in good shape it's just you know it's one of those things I like I said I'm such a saver and I'm such a giver just but like spending that kind of money It actually has been worried about it. So I'm like, well, I'll just give it give you guys a call because I love listening to you guys show and you guys have such great advice and You know, I just don't want to get something and had that virus remorse or you know everything's so inflated housing market car market is so inflated. It is but I think you're doing great and I think that there's things that are part of it's just part of financial life and inflation is part of life and I think that when you're

in a situation like yours where you've done really well with your money you've been smart with your money you've got to live life while life is here to live you know what I'm saying? That's right, absolutely. And you know, I'm guessing the 55k, is it going to come out of this 200 that's cash that you have sitting or is it separate even from that? No, it would. Okay. It would. It would come out of that. Yeah. And then I have about 200,000 in retirement and then, yeah, I have about 600,000 equity in our house. Very good. That's great And are you contributing 15% or more, you know, are 15% to your retirement currently? Yes, yes, very good. Yes. I've got it. I'm saving that and then also have a pension system too that I'm on so

Yeah, Mark. It's a green light from us That's fun. Yeah, it's a green light from us. That's fun. Yeah, you think so? Okay, cool. Yeah, because it's one of those things, I've always put family first and, you know. This is an experience for you though,

is what it sounds like, right? It's that and it's all ratios, Mark. I mean, if you called us and you were making $75,000, you wanted to spend $55,000 and you still had credit card debt and student loans. I mean it would be a different answer It's all about where you're at and ratios of your life and you're in a situation You've set yourself up so well. So kudos to you for doing You know the really hard work of that foundation of saying hey

We're gonna get out of debt and have an emergency fund have some other savings on hand room doing retirement I mean you've done it all so well you make great money. So it's all around ratios and this is not, yeah, I mean, you're in that formula, you're in that line. So let me ask this Mark, cause we always, this is what Winston and I say sometimes if we go to buy something that's kind of bigger and we're like, oh my gosh. So say you bought this and you had no insurance,

it burned to the ground, you never have it. There you go. Does it make you lose sleep at night? Besides the fact that you loved it and it's gone now, but just financially, does it absolutely put you in a panic? No, no, no. We're in good shape.

Like I don't owe anything except for house payment. And so we're in good shape. And there you go. I think that's a great emotional. Well, the answer from us is yes. Thank you so much for that call Mark. Hey, I love getting to say yes. I know.

I think people think we say no all the time. We're always like show the car. No, no, sacrifice, get out of debt. Yes. When you've done it all, it's like this is the live like no one else. So later you can live and give like no one else. And I love to say too that he's like,

I'm such, I'm a saver and I'm a giver, but the spending it's always hard. And we get that a lot, that people shifting that. So actually enjoying your money, enjoying the money that you've worked for, enjoying the progress that you've made with the money you have.

Like all of that is a reason to celebrate and to enjoy life. And I love, I wanna highlight this cause I think sometimes, you know, Rachel, it's intense what we're teaching and preaching over here. It's intense. And I think sometimes people follow that intensity past baby step three and they don't take those moments to go, OK, like I paid off my debt. I saved up this money like I can do a little something, something for myself.

And sometimes people speed right through and they want to pay off their house before they do something like upgrade or buy a car and I'm like guys No, chill out. Just cool out for a second and enjoy all this hard work that you've done when it's within reason That's right. We laid out the math for him. There's there's method to the madness It's not just go spin spin spin, but man you got it learn to enjoy some of this You've done the work and um, you can give your, you can save your money and you get to spend your money. That's a big part. So love it, Mark. I appreciate the call because like you said, Jada, it's a psychological game almost that once you have sacrificed and saved and put things away and said no,

no, no, saying yes to yourself can be difficult and it can be hard. So that's why I think looking at the math is so helpful because math doesn't have emotion. Like it doesn't care. But when you see it and you're like, okay, good. That's less than 50% of what we make a year is tied up in motors and wheels and all the things. We're in a place that we can do that. Okay, this is smart, this is wise.

That's the math. And that's where logic really can come into play when your emotions are all over the place. I love that. Math doesn't have any emotions, I love that. And look, don't let the economy, don't let what's going on in the world, when you've done well, don't let it scare you

into not being able to enjoy yourself. Don't let it cripple you with fear. And that goes on each side. Whether you're trying to get your money in place while you're trying to do the right thing, it's always the right time to do the right thing. So don't let anything hold you back. Don't let anything scare you.

This is life. Life is cyclical. There's ups, there's downs. That's the way the economy goes. Don't let that scare you. I'm proud of Mark. He gets to buy himself a new car. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey you guys, I'm not a fan of the big banks and you probably already know which ones I

mean. But I do like credit unions because they're non-profit organizations that focus on their members and I'm proud to endorse Fairwinds Credit Union because they share the Ramsey mission of helping people get out of debt and live generously. In fact, they design products to help keep you from going into debt in the first place. Fairwinds has been in business for over 75 years and they serve hundreds of thousands of members worldwide. You can feel secure because your deposits are federally insured by the NCUA up to $250,000. It's easy to join and Fairwinds partners with more than 5,000 credit union

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take control of your finances. That's fair wins. F-A-I-R-W-I-N-D-S dot org slash Ramsey. Thanks for being with us. You're listening to the Ramsey Show. I'm Jade Warshaw, your cohost, and I'm here with Rachel Cruz. This is a great time. Hey guys, if you've got calls, we want to take your calls. The number here is 88825-5225. And let's take a call, Rachel. Let's see what Megan is talking about in Dallas, Texas. What's

going on, Megan? Hi, Jade. Hi, Rachel. So I just graduated with my master's in August. However, my mother passed away in June. Oh, I'm so sorry. And yeah, I've been living with them for some time because I had a problem. I've been sober for seven years. So I was like living with them while I was going to school. And now I have my new job and I'm making like $60,000 a year. I have a car payment and I have some credit card debt. I also have $15,000 cash and 27,000 in retirement. Um, the thing is, is like, I,

I feel like I'm not really intentional with my money because I still live with my dad. Um, so I still kind of feel like a perpetual 18 year old cause I'm like, ah, it's okay. I pay my credit cards off every month, but I use my credit card so much that it's like, I don't save any money. So I was thinking like I probably ought to just move out to like get more serious and independent with my money. However,

pardon me doesn't want to lead him right now because it hasn't even been a year since my mom passed away. What's her passing? Was it sudden Megan or was it um, So she was like, she was, she was sick since like 2021. Um, she was doing really well and then she went to the hospital and all this other stuff and she got COVID and then her organ started shutting down. Oh my gosh. So it was like, we're really, really crappy. Um, so it was kind of sudden, like, me and my dad both believed that she would get better. Um,

unfortunately that's not what God had planned. But like, I just don't know because like my dad has never lived on his own. He has seven brothers and sisters to win straight to the army. And then him and my mom got married while they were both in the army. So it's like, it's hard because I don't want to just leave him with no one. You know, number one, I'm so sorry. That sounds just unthinkable. It's so tough navigating a loss like that. And, you know, I'm just thinking about in a lot of situations, especially dealing with money, we would tell people not to move quickly, you know, take time to grieve

and take time to adjust to this change. And I feel like in the same situation, it applies. I don't feel like you need to be in a rush to do anything. Like you said, it hasn't even been a year. It hasn't been a long span of time. I'm okay with you doing whatever you need to do to process this. If that's staying at home a little bit longer while you're there I do think it's important that you think about a

plan of what's gonna happen next yeah you know cuz I like I got the every dollar app mm-hmm and I'm like looking at my spending and I'm like holy crap girl like you're nuts with money. I'm like, I'm not. You're not nuts, Megan, with money. That's the, yeah. But you are a daughter who lost her mom. And so that brain fog, the processing

that that has to go through, what you go through, it's a lot. And so was there probably some spending you did maybe to feel better and to feel good? And was there a level of that maybe? I'm not sure, possibly you could say yes or no to that, but I don't want you to sit there and just absolutely wring yourself out on this.

I mean, you've gone through a tragedy. And so I think you're starting to kind of come out of it, the way you're talking and you're kind of seeing, okay, I need to kind of get into, I need to get my money under control. I need to start looking and to see, okay, how can I be an adult? But yet here's my grieving dad over here.

But I would say with that relationship too, Megan, you know, we love our parents and honor them, but also he can't be your responsibility. You can't be the thing that saves him because then that's how you're gonna spend your entire life. And he has to be able to do that work on his own and he may grieve and feel lonely and all that.

And you can be a great daughter and walk beside him. And maybe there's still a season, like Jade said, that you don't move out right now, right? Maybe it's all still feels fresh and you're like, I wanna get a few things under my belt and so I'm gonna stay here and maybe have a date that you talk to him about to say, hey dad, I'm looking at this and be honest with him

and say, dad, I'm nervous to leave. I don't wanna leave you. I feel bad leaving you and you guys talk through that but also I want you to know, Megan, you know, you can't be his responsibility. He can't be your responsibility. That's right. There can't be that codependence there.

There kind of has to be that breaking that you do have to stand on your own at some point. But again, you don't have to rush that. We're not telling you to rush it. But I do want you to think about that. You're not a bad daughter or you're not being mean or cruel if you say, man, I need to get my own apartments. Yes. And start, you know, really doing doing my life this way and all of that.

That is not negligent or cruel. Because you're both going to grieve in different ways. Yes. You know, and that time process is going to be different for both of you. So you might be at a point where it's like, okay, like I feel like I'm coming out of this fog a little bit, I feel like I'm ready to, you know, go to this next stage. And he might still be feeling like, oh, like, I could really use somebody here at the house,

but you know, that's when it's gonna have, be time to have those tough conversations. I do like that you're looking at your money and that you're realizing that something's gonna have to change in order for you to stand on your own when that time comes and I love that you're looking at are using every dollar Yeah, I like so I'm 30, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm still single and I'm like I wouldn't want to be a 30 year old man still living at home

Sure, so that's like yeah And I think you know, you know, yeah, cause like I'm 30. I don't want to be like 40 having my first child. Right. So let's go. It's like six and one half a dozen and the other, because it seems like almost every day for him is a bad day. Yeah. Has he done it? Do you guys have a great church, a good pastor, or a therapist or anyone speaking into this

process of your mom's loss? Yeah, he goes to church every Sunday with my aunt and then also I got him to go to grief share. That's great. Good, good. Out of local church and I'm like trying to ease in the counseling thing like he said probably he might ought to. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because I mean, the big goal too, I feel like I sound like Dr. John Delaney a little bit, but to become whole people through this journey as well, Megan, right, there can be that level of healing. And so for you, that may look like the next step is to say, hey, dad, I'm gonna sit down and here's the dates, you know, by May of this year, here's what my plan is. And I still want to be there for you

and still support you where I can. And then Megan, as you're calling in for this show, specifically with your money, like what Jade was saying, and then you start, you can even start now working the baby steps. You can start now, you have the EveryDollar app, start looking at all your credit card debt, list it out, list out the car, keep your retirement, don't cash it out, but you have $15,000 of cash, which is wonderful.

That's a big step. Yep. To throw some of that at the debt. Start getting some of these quick wins with your money, and that's also going to breed a level of confidence for you to maybe even say, okay, I can do this and step out and start living on my own and really taking that turn because you can, Megan. You can do this and step out and start living on my own and really taking that turn because you can, Megan, you can do this. You definitely can.

And in every dollar, one of my favorite features, Megan, is the financial roadmap. And you can plug in all your numbers and you can actually start to see the date that you'll be debt-free, the date that you'll have three to six months of savings. And that's something that will build a lot of confidence and help you to see, okay, what would happen

if I were to put more on my debt? What would happen if I were to put less on my debt? So you can really customize that timeline so that this can become a reality for you moving forward. Yeah, and hang on the line, Megan, because we'll give you and your dad two separate codes to have Financial Peace University for a year, because I would love

him to maybe go through it as well on his own because like you said, he's never lived on his own. He's always had someone with him and so giving him a little bit of boost in this area of his life. We would love to gift both of you that. So Austin will pick up and get both of those. And also own your past, change your future. Yes. Yeah. Throw one of those in too. Throw two of those in guys for both of them because we do, we wanna see you and your dad

do really well out of this really excruciating, terrible loss. I'm so sorry, Megan, I'm glad you called in. Whew, that was a tough call. I appreciate you guys joining us for today. That does it for today's show. Be sure to join us next time. When it comes to changing your money,

you can tell me you won't do it, but please don't tell me you can't this is the Ramsey show Mortgage rates have dropped So if you're thinking about buying a home in the next year contact your local Churchill mortgage team right now if you wait More people will be in the market competing for the same homes and potentially driving up prices. Churchill will help you do the math to be sure your budget is correct, making your home a blessing and helping you build lasting wealth. Learn more at ChurchillMortgage.com. ChurchillMortgage.com

This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591, MLS consumer access dot org, equal housing lender, 1749 Mallory Lane, suite 100 Brentwood, Tennessee, 37027. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey solutions. It's the Ramsey show where we help people build wealth, do work that they love and create actual amazing relationships. I am at Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with fellow Ramsey personality and great friend Jade Warshaw. And we are taking your calls America free call anywhere in the country at 888-825-5225.

So give us a call. All right. Up next we have Alexandra on the line. Hey Alexandra, welcome to the show. Hi Rachel and Jade. How are you? We are doing great doing great. How can we help? Okay, so I'm in a bit of a situation here. So We we purchased a well, okay, so we closed on our house on the 24th of August. Oh congratulations

Thank you. I don't know how we got it, but we went in with all we had. I'm kind of desperate, just wanted to get out of a $2,100 rent. Yep. And then we're at a $1,400 mortgage now. First time home buyers, we've been together since sixth grade. We're 37 years old. We have two kindergartners that just started the twin boys. So, um, this is our situation. We closed, we moved. So we're, uh, I think about two hours north, um, from his previous job. And I say previous because two weeks after we closed, he lost his job. No fault of his own. It was just, you know, a car that was given to him so that he can drive to work. He was doing that, you know, obviously every

day. And so now he didn't have a transportation to get there because I need the car to bring the kids to work, to school, because they just started school this year. Mm-hmm. Um, so he's, he's unemployed right now. Um, this is my husband, but I'm, I'm, I'm so scared because, um, and I'm hoping that he can get into something, right? Very soon. Uh, we were able to make, so we closed in August, our first, um, mortgage payment was on the 1st. We were able to make that. So we sent it out.

That's done. It's $1,400, right? Mm hmm. Okay. And so now we're having to pay again, you know, on the first. We only have like $1,600 in savings. The big thing is if he, so we're hoping he can get into this new job next week. So it's going to be a little bit of a pay cut. So it'll be at 62 a year.

He was earning more, close to 80 a year. But now we're out in the country, farm life. This is what we wanted. This is what we get. He's going to get paid less. So he's down at 62. Can you make, can you pay all the bills with him at 62? I think we can because if we were already doing it then and, and, and yeah, he was making

more but we were spending much more. And then now I'm like, when I'm doing that, you know, so we can, I know we can, but this is the thing. Let me get to it quick. The RV, we have an RV that is 30 K, a note of 30k on it and the payment is 400 bucks a month. I don't know what to do with it because we're just parked in our land here. And in 2017 we got it desperately in 2021 because we were needing to get out of an apartment

that we were living in and the house that we had, you know, we were needing to get out of an apartment that we were living in. And the house that we had, you know, we were trying to get into at that time, the sale didn't go through. So, so that I won't have to release, you know, another contract. We just went to a campground. And so we got the, we got the RV and then we just kept, um, house searching. We found the house and then so here we still have it. What can you, what can you sell it for?

Yeah. I don't know, to be honest. I'm sure it's going to be less than what we owe. Yeah. Yeah, you'll take a hit on it. But you're just trying to stop the payments and stop the depreciation from taking it. Yes. We don't have any late payments on it.

We were able to make that last month, but this is the month right now coming up. This one in November is the one that's gonna hit us. It's gonna, I don't know how we're gonna do it. Yeah. When will you know if your husband has the job? He will find out Monday. And I think, and I wanna go with a 90% they're gonna take him on.

Yeah, okay, good. Yeah, and so it's gonna be a pay cut, you know? Yeah, so. So I want you, the first thing I want you doing is, you've got a lot going on, and I can tell by the way you're telling this situation, it's like, you're just like, in this da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and you're just keeping going.

And I wanna kind of clear your head a little bit tonight, when you get off the phone, you guys sit down, run the numbers, use every, open up every dollar budget, if you don't have it, Austin will get it to you, and I want you to run the numbers, use every, open up every dollar budget. If you don't have it, Austin will get it to you. And I want you to run the numbers for your paycheck and his paycheck at the 62,000. All right. Then I want you to run the numbers just in case he doesn't get this job and go, what do we need coming in the house to make sure we're able to fill it?

Cause once you have those numbers in your head, uh, Alexandra, you're going to feel so much better because at least you'll know what the real numbers are, what the anecdote is, and then you'll be able to make a game plan going forward. What I really want to hone in on, and I think Rachel will do a good job with this too, is I want you guys, there's a lot of desperate moves going on. Everything is, oh, we got desperate and we had to do this and then we got desperate and we had to do this and we then we got desperate and we had to do this. And we got desperate. And the chain here, the pattern that's happened is when you guys get desperate, you do, you make bad choices. And I want that, that's gotta stop today.

So what that looks like is in the here and now, making a plan for the here and now, but not only that, but going forward, I want you guys to be on a plan with your money so you know what your goals are, you know what's coming down the pike, and you're in control, and you're happening to your life instead of everything around you just happening to you guys

and you're reacting, and you're on the balls of your feet all the time, that's gotta change, and I think that a plan for your money's gonna help you. Have you ever heard of Financial Peace University? So, no. Just recently, I started listening to you guys. I grew up, I want to say in the ghetto, to be honest, I never had money in my life. Both my mom and dad just worked just to take care of five of us, you know. So I just grew up working and paycheck to paycheck, you know, rent, rent, rent, rent all my life until we were finally able to get this and it was through an FHA.

That's why I say we got in. Yeah. Lucky to get it. But, you know, here we are. We're so happy. We have a nice little house. Sure, sure. But it, but also you're so happy, but you're also very stressed.

Okay. So what we want you to see is, and Jade's exactly right, being proactive with your money versus reactive and you just said it. And I think the way we grow up with money is a huge part of our story. And that's what was modeled for you. But now the beautiful thing is now you get to change that. So Alexandra, stay on the line. Austin's going to pick up and we're going to give you every dollar premium,

which is our budgeting app that will will attach to your checking account. It will. And you guys will be able to bring in transactions. You'll be able in real time to be budgeting your expenses which aid was saying and We're gonna give you financial peace university, which is our nine lesson course and you and your husband You guys need to learn how this stuff works and Alexandra. I'm gonna warn you it's gonna feel uncomfortable Yeah, you said you're new to all of this and when you you have to get to this point and you're there If I feel it in your in your voice and why you called it's you're not happy with your current situation What you guys have done that led you up to this point and you're there. I feel it in your voice and why you called is you're not happy with your current situation. What you guys have done that led you up to this point, yes, he lost his job and it's

to him. I get it. Stuff has happened. You are not happy with where you are, which means you have to change what you've been doing and change is hard, Alexandra. It's hard. And so you're going to be doing some painful things that are going to feel uncomfortable because they're new, but they're the right things to be doing.

We are the best in the business at getting people in control of their money. So listen to the plan, follow the plan, don't stray from it. And so looking at your numbers, getting facts on paper is going to give you some breathing room. You're probably going to be selling the RV. You guys may have to take a second job in order to float the bills for the next month, which is okay. Hopefully he gets his job and you guys are on track. But you guys gotta get your crap together because you're gonna end up in the same place again. But we believe you guys can do it. You can, you can.

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Grab a t-shirt or tumbler to show you live the Ramsey way. These deals end today, so go to ramsysolutions.com slash store right now. ramsysolutions.com slash store. Today's question of the day is brought to you by YREFY. YREFY refinances defaulted private student loans and builds a custom loan based on your ability to pay. You'll have a payment that you can afford with a low fixed interest rate that you couldn't get anywhere else to help stick to your budget and to work with the debt snowball.

So go to whyrefi.com today slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y, refi, R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey, may not be available in all states. Okay, so today's question comes from Evan in Kansas. He says, my wife and I are debt free, except our mortgage, which we owe 120,000 on. My wife recently quit her job to stay at home with our baby. And now after all our basic expenses are paid,

there's nothing left over. We've been contemplating ways to save and the only area we could really cut is food. We're considering going to some of the many food pantries in our city a few times a month to get the majority of our food so we could still have a couple hundred dollars to throw out the mortgage.

Is this ethical considering I have a stable job and it's not like we'd go hungry without the food pantry? We agree that once our mortgage is paid, we would donate these food pantry items to give back. Is this the wrong way to become debt-free? I'm gonna go with yes, I would not do that. You know, you said it best, Evan, you said, you know, you've got a stable job and you don't need this.

And I think food pantries are really there for people who need it, like they're in need. Yeah. And there's also the side of this where, again, we kind of talked about this earlier in the show, but if you choose the stay at home route or you choose any route that's going to have one of the spouses not working, then you make that bed and so you lay in it. Yeah. And that's not a bad thing. It's just you've both decided, okay, this is going to take down our income significantly and we're lay in it. And that's not a bad thing. It's just, you've both decided, okay, this is gonna take down our income significantly

and we're okay with that. And then you've decided, this means it's gonna take a lot longer to pay off the mortgage, you two decide on that. And I would not- Yeah, use like community resources basically for, yeah, that are not of need. Yeah, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah, I don't think I would either. I wouldn't do that. So, yeah. And I think he knows that. To Jade's point, yeah, he wouldn't probably be asking if he didn't feel great about it. Yeah, I don't think I would either. I wouldn't do that. And I think he knows that. To Jade's point, yeah, he wouldn't probably be asking if he didn't feel great about it. Yeah, so I think again, it's maybe a shift in the budget. Maybe it's waiting a year or two and you'll get a raise

and you can use some of that margin. Because when you get to the point of paying off your house, that's where we always say you can kind of relax off the accelerator and you make decisions that may be different than baby steps one through three right and and the baby's gonna grow up and she might decide when the baby goes to kindergarten she goes back to work and then you guys are you know that's right going forward again absolutely well thanks for the question Evan all right next we have a Connor in

Jackson Mississippi hey Connor welcome to the show. Hey guys, thank you all for having me on. Absolutely, how can we help? So I am a 19 year old college student in the Mississippi area, but I'm also a business owner and I'm kind of teetering on this is my second year of college. I'm at a community college in my local hometown. And I'm just trying to figure out if I want to go off and pursue a four-year degree from a university, or should I stay at home and continue working on my business?

What's your business? So I own a landscape company. It started off as just a side hustle. When I could first start driving at 16, I just bought a push mower from Home Depot and started mowing yards. Thank you. Over time, it just got bigger and bigger. Now we have three full-time employees plus myself. How much are you making? How much are you making a month off this? So it varies obviously, you know, in the winter, we don't do as much. But right now we're doing about, I'll say this, last month we did 40,000 sales. What do you take home? I think I will.

I mean, I try and spend as much as possible. I try and reinvest as much as possible since I'm young. I don't really have any bills. I do live in an apartment, but I really don't have. If you, if you did, if you did though, because what you're talking about, not going to college at some point, then it's like, okay, well you're going to get your own place and you're going to do, you're talking about, not going to college at some point, then it's like, okay, well, you're going to get your own place and you're going to need income.

So if you did draw an income, what do you think it'd be? If I needed to, I could probably scratch out probably about $60,000 a year right now. Okay, that's great. So the question is, do you go to college or work on the business that's growing? What do you want to do, Connor? Are you enjoying this business? Are you wanting to do this full-time? Are you gonna go to school? Is your is your Mindset for going to college to help grow the current business or to start something new? Get a different degree like what would be the four-year college goal?

Um, it would probably so my major right now is just a business administration It's not in like landscape architecture or anything like that. I'm not necessarily tied down to landscaping, but I do, I do enjoy working with my hands, but what I enjoy more is being a business owner. I've always been an entrepreneur ever since I was young, uh, between flipping shoes and clothes and buying stuff low and selling it high. It's just always, it's in my blood really.

I think that's a great indicator because obviously the college and university route is not for everybody. Growing in your education is for everybody. What I would say is really looking at your five to 10 year picture. When you picture yourself in five years, what do you see yourself doing?

And when you look, and then when you reverse engineer that, you go, okay, does that require me having a degree? How did I get there? Like really think through that because, you know, there's the societal timeline of when you're 18, you go to college, but if you're not ready to do that yet, and if you can't afford to go there yet. Yeah, well, I mean, cause I was gonna say, Connor,

there's, you know, you go to college to either get some type of degree to get you in a field that you need, right? And there still are definitely routes, career routes that require a college degree. And you mentioned like landscape architect, right? Maybe there's a architectural degree that you need because you want to work for this firm and five years.

Like there's a route so you're getting somewhere. But I would personally, I would not go and get a business degree and spend 60, 70,000 because you know what, Connor, I'll be honest, you're learning a heck of a lot more running your own business than you're going to be some theory sitting in business class. It's going to be some theory sitting in business class. It's gonna be behind anyway. I mean, honestly, seriously, it's so true. And like the life experience that you have

is so much greater than usually what you can learn in a classroom. Not always, but in a business entrepreneurial route, people run and grow businesses all the time without a college degree. And you're getting, you know, a really basic degree there with your community college, which I think is really smart to do.

I do too. But I mean, if your goal is to have this company, continue to grow it, I don't think you play that out. You don't need a college degree to do that. So I would save the investment of what you would pay for college and continue down this route if I were you.

But again, if you get into something that's a little bit more specific and tied to some type of licensing or degree that you need, then maybe you look into it. But for now, Connor, I mean, you're killing it. Is there anybody that's- You make $40,000 with three employees. I know.

I mean, it's pretty impressive. Do you have a business that's doing what you wanna be doing that you're watching? Yes, so I actually have two mentors. Before I started my own company, when I was 15, I worked for one of my good buddies. His dad has been in the landscaping industry for 30 years, probably. Okay. And he's very large and he did not go to college either. And so he is from a suburb of Jackson and as Jackson in the metro area grew he just like his name just spread out everywhere and he's he does multi-million sales every single year.

I believe it. No commercial, it's all residential. Yeah. And so that's kind of what I wanna do. And I talk to him very, very often. Okay, good, good. You know, hold on the line, Connor, Christian's gonna pick up and we'll give you a copy of Entrez Leadership because I think there is a, what you're experiencing as a small business,

I mean, you're having to lead people, which is what you really enjoy running that business side, but it can be tricky. And as you continue to grow it, there's gonna be more avenues to go down and it's gonna get a little bit more complicated. And then the entrepreneurial side that is so ingrained in you, you obviously have that inside of you,

which is just amazing. So we'll send you a copy of Entrez Leadership and make sure to check out even the podcast. And we have a, yeah, part of Ramsey is helping small businesses, because we believe in them. We think it is the backbone of America and it's incredible. So Connor, 19 years old guy, man, kid, I was gonna call you kid, you're not a kid. A man.

A man, yeah. But you're doing really great, Connor. So I appreciate the call. Very good. This is The Ramsey Show. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This month is all about gratitude and most of us have people in our lives who we're grateful for. One of those people for me is the great Jean-Noel Thompson.

He taught me how to be a dad, a husband, a professional, and how to balance caring for a bunch of people all at the same time. We all know of somebody else we can be grateful for, but there's one person that we often don't take time to thank. Ourselves. We don't always acknowledge that we're surviving, that we're moving forward, and that we're working towards a better life and better relationships. And in a world where everything's gone bonkers, it's not always easy. So here's my reminder to thank the people that you love, thank the people in your life, and thank you.

Sometimes we need some professional help to talk to somebody trained to help us discover true gratitude for ourselves and others, especially in the holiday season. That's why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk with your therapist at any time, so it's convenient for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash deloney

to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp dot com slash deloney. Hey guys, George Campbell here, and it's that time of year again. The store shelves are packed with Little Debbie's Christmas trees, matching pajamas for you and your dog, you know who you are, and giant inflatable Santas for the yard. I'm not mad about that. And speaking of inflation, Americans are about to spend close to a trillion dollars this Christmas. And get this, one third of that spending will be swiped on credit cards. Yikes. Now I get it, you want the holidays to feel magical and you want to have a good time,

but trust me, there is nothing magical about staring down a mountain of credit card debt come January. So here's the deal, if you don't want January U to hate December U, I've got a money hack for you. Download the Every Dollar app. It's free to get started and you could find an extra $400 of margin in your first month of using it. See, with Every Dollar, you'll keep your holiday spending under control, you'll track your expenses, you'll make a plan, you'll stay accountable, and maybe even set yourself up with some sweet New Year goals. So skip the post-Christmas regret and download

Every Dollar for free in the app store today. Your future self will thank you. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Jade Warschall. We're taking your calls at triple eight, eight two five, five two two five. Up next we have Sharon in Springfield. Hi Sharon, welcome to the show. Hi, thanks so much for having me today.

Absolutely, how can we help? Well, my husband's been handling our finances for the last, we've been married almost 20 years, and to the point that I really don't know what's going on in our finances, largely. I say in a lot of ways, he controls a lot of what we spend and how we spend it. And we'll have financial discussions and we'll talk about it. But I don't really have a full understanding of our financial picture when we make decisions. And I can't get him to sit down and make a budget. Now we've been through the Ramsey program now I think we've been through them twice. We've even been out of consumer debt in the past, but keeping a consistent budget is a problem. I am the breadwinner in the family, and I'm

wondering if it's worth just pulling my money out of our joint account and keeping my money separate so that I can at least budget part of what our income is. Why won't he budget? Like when you say, hey, I want to sit down and do this. What's his reason? Is it he doesn't have time? He doesn't think it's like, what's his problem? A lot of it is just understanding like how to plan for little things that come up with the kids like costumes that the kids need for programs or you know posters that they need to you know for school presentations you know making sure we've got money for those little things and of course there's more than just what the kids and he doesn't want

to do that or you want to do that And he doesn't think that's necessary to plan for those details Um He's hesitant about the zero like the like getting all of the money And giving it a name Like I hear that a lot take all the money give all the money a name and you know, like that zero budget But it doesn't mean my own dollars in the account Maybe that's what's making him nervous I'm sorry say that again so zero based budget doesn't mean zero dollars in the account and that might be really clear like really important to make clear to him zero based budget

simply means okay so he knows so at the beginning of this culture and you mentioned that he is he's more the one that's controlling all the finances. What does that mean? Does that mean, do you have a debit card to your account that you share with him and you go and buy the costumes for the kids or how is the money flow happening right now? I do have a debit card. I spend very little of the money out of the account without at least clearing it with him first because I'm so blind to what's there.

Why? Why do you feel the need to ask his permission? Because I don't, because we don't have a budget. So I don't know what money is there and how to use it. Okay, let's get down to it because our screen says my husband has been withholding money Has been withholding finances from me for our entire marriage and that sounds different than what you're saying. So help us understand Well, yeah, he does withhold all of the information about the About the account. Yes, so you don't want to you ask permission to spend because you have no idea what money's in there So it's just your you don't want to, you ask permission to spend because you have no idea what money's in there. So it's just your, you don't want to blindly spend with the debit card. Can you not log into the, do you have the login information, Sharon? I don't currently have the login. Have you asked it for him and he, what does he say?

I have asked him for it and I have tried to look at it, not here recently, but I have tried to look at it and I'm so overwhelmed. Like I don't even know where to start. So he gave it to you or he didn't give it to you? He logged in himself. He logged in himself and let you look over his shoulder. Oh Sharon, that makes me nervous.

Yeah, I think at this point, I would be okay with you having your own account. But hear me say, Sharon, that this, it's gonna fix one part of it, that you're gonna have money to be able to spend, but it's not gonna fix your marriage. This is a temporary solution to really dive in to the deeper parts.

Because Sharon, what makes me nervous is, and we've seen situations like this, that if you don't know where the money's going, I would be very highly concerned that there's stuff going on in other parts of your marriage that you have no clue about. Yeah, you don't know what he's hiding. Do you feel that?

Yes, in some ways, yes. Okay, okay. Yeah, I would start laying down an ultimatum with him. And again, this is, and for anyone listening right now, this is regardless of Sharon is the breadwinner or not. Okay, so her making the money, great. But even if Sharon was a stay at home mom, my viewpoint would be the exact same

because as a married couple, as you guys, you are a team working together and he has control issues. And sometimes Sharon, and I'm gonna just say this and you can correct me in here, but sometimes it puts you in a dangerous situation with a lot of abusive husbands they use a level of power and control that you can't even go to the grocery store and has there been abuse in your in your marriage in the past 20 years? Um, physical abuse? No.

Okay. Never. Do you feel like do you feel in danger like do you do you feel like there's danger in your home? Um, in physical views, no. Okay. Never. Do you feel like, do you feel in danger? Like, do you, do you feel like there's danger in your home? No. Um, I feel like my husband is very insecure and so he's trying to keep hold of the money so that I, I can't leave.

I know that sounds terrible. No, it doesn't. No, that's the truth. That's very real. That's what's going on. Yeah. Do you guys have kids? We do. I know that sounds terrible. No, no, that's the truth. That's very real. What's going on? Yeah. Do you guys have kids? We do. We've got two kids. How old are they? Almost nine and 13. They're about to have birthdays. Okay. Yeah, I would,

I would have an ultimatum conversation and it is, you're going to give me all this login information yeah and I I want to see everything that's been going on any bills do you know how many credit cards he has I believe we've just got one active credit card I would ask him to pull his credit report and pull yours I want to see both of your credit reports. I want the login information to all of our accounts, including retirements, including checking,

including savings, any of those accounts, I want the login information and I want them tonight. I want them tonight. Because if not, tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be at the bank at 9 a.m. and I'm opening up my own account. Because Sharon, he has put you in, he has done this. You're not the crazy one.

He has put you in this situation. So you're not being the bad guy here. You're protecting yourself. So important. And if you ask him, hey, because of the state of our marriage, we're going to go to counseling. What would he say to that? If you said, enough is enough, we need to talk with someone.

What would he go or would he fight that? He would tell me we couldn't afford it. Okay. So those- How much do you make a year Sharon? How much are you bringing in? I know what my salary is, I make 105. Okay. I don't know what my actual take home would be.

He's handled our taxes. What does he bring home? I don't know how that, I don't know exactly. I think it's around 60. Okay. Yeah, those are the two ultimatums, counseling and he's changing by morning. Or like Rachel said, you're going on and opening an account.

And I just want you to know, you're doing well. For yourself, you're doing well, and you don't have to stay in a situation where someone is abusing you financially. And I'm just gonna put it at that. That's hard to hear. That's hard to hear. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, Sharon, we want, what we see so much is money issues are the symptom of a lot of things going on. And so the issue of you not knowing numbers and not having the accessibility to see what's going on financially in your home is a symptom of having a controlling husband. And there's only so much you can do. You can't change him. But what you can do is protect yourself. And if you stay on the line, Christian's going to pick up. And I want to get you with one of our certified counselors. He's just spending seven minutes with you on a radio call. I feel like it doesn't do it justice. I want someone walking with you, Sharon, in this because this is really important. This is really important. And I pray your marriage is healed in this process. It's going to be a really hard patch, but I pray redemption of that. I really do. I pray

that you both come to the other side and are redeemed in this. But if not, I want you to protect yourself. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey guys, Dave Ramsey here, and I got a big announcement. I'm coming to a city near you live on the Money and Relationships Tour with Dr. John Delaney. This is the most interactive event we've ever done. You get to decide what we talk about. You do not want to miss this. We'll be coming to Louisville, Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix, Fort Worth and Kansas City in April and May of 2025. Get your tickets and more information at Ramsesolutions.com slash tour. So one of the expenses that

is hard to face as adults, but it's true. There's a couple of them, but one of them is insurance. And in recent years, or recent months, I mean, I guess close to 18 months now, they just seem to keep going up, up, up. Home, auto, I mean, it's just, it continues to rise. And according to Quadrant Information Services, home insurance rates are about 23% higher than they were last year. Car insurance is up 39% compared to December of 2019.

Yeah, it's a lot. And the factors that are playing into it, it's interesting. So even if you look at like car insurance, I mean, you do have to think about where you live in the United States is climate issue? Or do you live in a place where there's tornadoes and so there's hailstorms and it damages your vehicle? You know, it could be something like, I mean, wow, I just had a completely blanked my brain

out there. No, but I mean, but yeah, you think about whether it's got tornadoes, rain, hurricane, anything that can be damaging your climate. Yeah, climate's a thing. And then you think about models, right? tornadoes, rain, hurricane, anything that can be damaging your climate. Yeah, climate's a thing. And then you think about models, right? We're doing a lot more electric vehicles. There's more technology inside of them. And so there's that part of it.

And so by and large, we're seeing an increased amount of car accidents, which is interesting. Okay, I don't know if I need that. So there's that's playing into it. Some people would still say supply chain, although part of me is like, I feel like that's. It's pretty much caught up. I feel like, do you remember though, in that, in that height of COVID you would drive by a car lot and there would be like no

cars. It was so eerie and now they're pretty full. I would say the car lots are, there might be some cars still on back order, but I think for the most part you can, yeah, you can get if you need it. And so, you know, a lot of people are probably like, well, what can we do about it? And this right here, Rachel is where what we teach really does play in, because if you do buy a car in cash, you run the, if you buy it in cash, it's used,

then you are qualifying yourself for a lower rate. And so that right there is a good motivation. Obviously the car model that you choose still plays a part in it. How old you are still plays part in it. So all of that plays a part. So there are some ways to get around this, but even when you do all those things correctly,

there is still the idea, it is getting higher. And that just, I mean, the truth is that that just sucks. Yeah, and it's one of those expenses too, that you're like, I can't do anything about it, right? Like when your property tax goes up, I mean, whatever it is, you're just like, oh my gosh, I just feel, you feel stuck, you feel trapped because you have to have it.

But yet it's one of those things that just continues to rise. I mean, you could raise your deductible. That's something that you could do. You know, there's another thing about if you buy your car in cash and you have enough money saved up that if something were to happen to that car, you could replace it in cash, then you could drop off like comprehensive insurance because you're like, hey, if something happens national, like natural disaster, something that's crazy, I have the cash that I could

actually repair it if I need to. Yeah. Yeah. So there's things that you could do to save on it. But there's just a big part of this that it is, you know, it's frustrating. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So there's other things that you can do, whether it's look for discounts, you can even bundle policies and then she'll get a better deal that way. But I would again, shop rates, cause sometimes the bundles, it really is helpful. And sometimes if you're shopping from just like one carrier and you're not comparing prices, you may not be getting the best price. So make sure to do your research there.

And I mean the same thing's happening also with home insurance. We're seeing certain states are not willing to cover things that they once did. And again, some of this is linked to climate, some of it's linked to natural disasters, that sort of thing. And I mean, we had a call the other day where a lady called in,

she said, I'm being dropped from my insurance because my state has decided that they don't cover you if you have a flat roof. And it's like, okay, great, you know? And so all of this, great, you know, and so all of this at the very least it really ties in what we teach and trying to put yourself in a position where you can have as much peace as possible so if these things do crop up it's not a disaster it's like okay this is very

inconvenient but because I've set myself up I can deal with it and so that's how this works if you want to work with an independent insurance agent you could could contact a Ramsey Trusted Insurance Pro. The good thing about our Ramsey Trusted Insurance Pros is they are going to advise you and help you do things the way we teach. And so that's what you're looking for. They're not tied to any one carrier and they'll pull quotes from all companies to help you pick the best deal. So you can go to ramsysolutions.com slash bundle to get connected and to start saving money on your insurance. Because it is a part of the budget. It's just part of it.

Part of the life that we live as adults. All right, up next we have, is it Shay in Chicago? Hey, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. I'm trying to make this quick. I'm thinking of doing a voluntary repossession of my car and I'm just wondering if that's a good idea. Well, I'm gonna call it. Well, let me rephrase that. I call it a voluntary repossession but

I'm really trying to get rid of some debt. I'm tired of paying a car note. I thought that was the right idea. Yes, but can we sell it? Can we sell it? That's my goal. I'm hoping to try to sell it to the dealership. And I'm assuming of course, Can we sell it private sale? Ah, I'm not, I currently pay on it. So I'm not sure if that's gonna be again. Okay. So here's what I would do. I would not give it back to the dealer. I would not do a voluntary repossession, even though that's not what you meant. I would never do that because that's going to destroy your credit and just be heartache. And I wouldn't sell it back to the dealer because they're not going to give you the best price for the vehicle. If I were you,

what kind of vehicle is it? It is a Buick Encore GX. Okay. What year? 2021. Okay. I'd get on Kelly Blue Book today after you get off this call and I'd see how much can I get for this private sale? What do you owe on it? $22,000. Okay. And just your best guess if you're like, Hey, I have done a little bit of research. What do you think you could get for it? 22,000. Okay, and just your best guess, if you're like, hey, I have done a little bit of research, what do you think you could get for it? I'm hoping to get at least 20,000.

Okay, so if you thought that giving it back to the dealership would give you 20, then I bet blue booking it, you might be able to break even on this. Just based off of what you've said. Yeah, Shay, what's causing you to get rid of it? Is it just because the payment is so high? Yes, and honestly, I'm just trying to get out of debt I want to be able to pay off my mom and I

just bought a family duvet so I want to put my money into paying the bills off not a car note. Not a car yeah do you have any other debt? Yes I do have credit card debt. How much? Nine thousand dollars. Okay anything else? No. How much do you make a year? I make $73,000 a year. Good for you. That's so great. Okay, what's caused you to just up and say, I want to get out of debt. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm just tired of living the life that I've been living. I don't feel like I'm living like a 25 year old, you know, making okay money and I'm not seeing the benefits from it. Yeah.

For sure. Well done. I mean, that's a good why. We usually find, say people that start saying, gosh, something's gotta change. A lot of it comes like that to say, I work hard and I don't feel like I have anything to show for it.

It's just this feeling of, I mean, there's nothing. And yeah, and you're 25 making 73,000. That's a lot. That's great. Where'd the credit card debt come from? Because you've got a good income. Honestly, poor decisions. And then also before I got this car, I had a card that was giving me trouble.

So I was putting some money into it and put it on my credit card, trying to get it fixed. And it honestly, it still ended up going out on me. So I love this. I love when people stop and realize that they have a choice. Like like you don't have to keep going the way you've been going You have a you can opt out of that Lifestyle and you can go, you know what? Yeah, I want to do better than this. I want to feel like I'm making an impact I want to feel like my income matters. I don't want to keep living like this. So bravo

I think so great Shay. Have you been have you plugged into the Ramsey baby steps at all? No, I have not okay. So I would I. Have you plugged into the Ramsey Baby Steps at all? No, I have not. Okay, so I would encourage you to, yeah, dive into some of the stuff. We'll have Christian pick up and we'll give you Financial Peace University, which is our nine week course that we always say every high schooler should have taken.

But at 25, if you can get this, Shay, because there's a process, because your emotions there, the decision in Shay has been made that I don't wanna live like this anymore. So now the best way to be effective of this and to actually see a lot of impact is to have a step-by-step process of what you do.

So Shay, we have what's called the Ramsey Baby Steps, which the first thing you do is gonna get a thousand dollar emergency fund. The second thing you're gonna do is pay off all of your debt, smallest to largest. So it would actually be you getting rid of this card, which is great, and then knocking out the credit card. So if you have multiple credit cards,

write each of those out separately, smallest amount to largest amount, regardless of the interest rates, pay minimum payments on everything, and pay off that smallest credit card first, and work your way up. I would be getting side hustle. I mean, I would do anything I could to knock this out.

And again, you make some great money. So even limiting your lifestyle, living on a budget, doing a couple of those things is gonna help you. And then your next goal, Shay, will be to get a fully funded emergency fund, three to six months of expenses saved in the bank. Okay. And what, I mean, could you, how would that feel right now?

If you had no debt and you had five months of expenses saved in the bank, how would that feel? Amazing. Amazing. So good. Okay. Stay on the line. Christian will pick up and we'll give you some stuff to help you on your journey.

I'm so glad that you that you called in. I know. So great. Okay. Those of you that are watching on YouTube or listening on podcasts, make sure to download the Ramsey network app. We will have the third hour there. If you're listening on radio, keep listening and we will be here in the next hour. Thanks to all the guys in the booth. Thank you, Jade, for

a great hour and thank you, America. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, you're still here? What are you doing? You do know that the rest of today's show is playing right now over on the Ramsey Network app, right? All you gotta do to finish the episode is search Ramsey Network in the App Store, Google Play Store, or just click the link in the show notes to download the app for free. Yep, you heard me right, for free. Then right there on the home screen, you can watch the rest of today's show. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. All right, I'm getting out of here. Enjoy. We'll see you on the app.