The Ramsey Show - Bad Money Habits and Good Relationships Don’t Mix

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

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Hey guys, Black Friday week is here with five days of deals starting at just $12. Go to ramsysolutions.com slash store to check them out. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show where we help people build wealth, do work that they love and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Delaney, number one bestselling author a couple times over and host of the Dr. John Delaney Show, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's triple eight eight two five five two two five Madison is with us to start off this hour in Atlanta, Georgia. Hi Madison. Welcome to the show Hi, Dave. Hi John. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure. What's up?

So I'm in a predicament that I've actually made myself. I got married, second marriage for both of us, not quite six years ago. And at that time, I had been through a pretty bad divorce and had a pretty traumatic first marriage. So definitely was healing from that and met this wonderful man. So nice to me and kind to me. And, um, I just felt head over heels in love with him. Um, I knew he was broke. I knew he didn't have any money and that, that just didn't matter to me. He was just so nice to me and I loved being treated nice.

So, um, we got married. Um, I did have him sign a prenup because I was, uh, expecting to inherit a large amount of money from my parents' estate at some point. I hadn't at that time, but, um, I knew that that would be in the future. And, uh, so he did sign a prenuptial agreement and didn't have any problems with that. However, I started our relationship with just paying all the time. I paid for everything. We'd go out for dinner, I would pay. I already had a place where I lived that I paid for and you know, etc. etc. So I understand how I've kind of set a pattern. And at the time it didn't bother me.

And I also want to add, this man's a Christian man. He knows the word of God. I really have put this in God's hands and asked for his help. But I just can't figure out why there's no spirit of generosity with with him he just I've brought up several times, you know, can you please pitch in just kick in? I don't expect half and half I have plenty of money. I don't I don't need his money. It's just on principle Just I just need to know that I'm not just the only one

That's supporting us. I feel like I'm the breadwinner. I'm also the breadwinner. So he doesn't earn an income? He did. We are both retired now. He does not have any retirement. How old are you, Dash? I'm 60, he's 64.

He took social security early. He was working at that time and then when you start taking Social Security you can only work so many hours. You can only make so much money. So that knocked his availability down to where he really couldn't work very much. But since then we've both retired and relocated. So what do you feel like the core question is I think I'm just trying to figure out if if I'm being taken advantage of is this just something where I'm I'm being you know I've brought something up several

times and I just nothing changes nothing it just stays the same. And I don't know if I, well, I guess what my next step should be as far as- This isn't a money issue, this is a respect issue. You don't respect the man that you're married to. Because like, I bring home, I bring home a quote unquote income to the house, but my wife, my God almighty, if she disappeared, the house would go away. So I don't look at her and say, wow, you're

not contributing to this thing. And I'm paying for dinner all the time because my money is our money. Right? And the home that she keeps and runs and her small business, like that's ours too. But there's a mutual respect there. So this doesn't have to do with money. And you mentioned earlier, you don't want a thing, you don't want your marriage to be where you're paying for everything.

It is. That is the world you set up. So the only thing you can do from this point forward is to create something new. But this is a respect issue. This isn't a, I just need him to pitch in issue. Have you been very clear about what you need or has it been a, ah, you know, like, man, I sure am paying for a lot. He might be thinking, well, it's our money. Have you been very clear with him? I'm not, no. I'm very afraid of confrontation.

I get very nervous about talking about something like this. And then you end up in resentment land because you spend a ton of time having imaginary conversations in your head, don't you? Yes, I do. That's cruel and unfair to him. And doubt, yes. So if you're going to be mad at him-

Kinda hard on your brain too. Yeah, if you're to be mad at him. Kind of hard on your brain too. Yeah, if you're going to be mad at him, he at least deserves to know what he could do, give him a path back to relationships. Right now he married somebody with a lot of money and he might think he's fulfilling his duties as your husband by being the fun loving guy that just whatever, whatever, partridge in a pear tree. He needs to know you don't respect him Yeah, I Do I do love them and I don't want I don't want anything and I don't what does he need to do to? Be a person that you would respect Because he doesn't need to work you guys are retired. No, it's not a work. It's not a work ethic thing

What is it that he's supposed to do that makes him valid in your mind I think just pitching in say I don't know a thousand dollars a month something something so I'm not the only one. Pitch in from what? Where's he got money? He has social security money and he gets other money from the ward. So you guys don't have your finances combined at all? We do have a joint checking account but he's never put any money in it. So no. But does he have an avenue to do that? He could, yeah. He could put money in there, yeah, because he's on the account.

But if he's looking at your vast amount of money in that account and he looks at his piddly government check. Yeah. See what I'm saying? He needs to know. And again, I think he's going to put $1,000 in that account and that's not what the issue's going to be. Yeah. If he started depositing $1,000 a month in that account, you'd be right back here in six months. I don't know if I would be. I don't, it's really,

it's to me, it's like you just said, it's not about money, it's more about respect and I think because this has gone on for so long and you know, I've allowed it to go on so long and this pattern's been set now. I want to rewrite the rules, I guess. Well, since y'all are married, y'all get to rewrite them together. Right. And so I think it's a matter of sitting down and having a conversation and say, hey, we've been married for a few years. I need you to do this to have me have positive, respectful feelings towards you. And what can I do for you so that you can have positive, respectful feelings towards you. And what can I do for you so that you can have positive, respectful feelings towards me?

Yeah. Let's put all of it on the table. Let's give each other a chance for success. Yeah, 100% of what you don't say, he can't hear. Right, yeah. I've been married 43 years. I'm still working on that. Dave, I am too, man, I am too.

The things that are in Sharon's head that I have never heard are amazing. But you're in trouble for them. I'm always in trouble. You better fix them. What's wrong? Nothing. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey guys, I've never done this before, but I'm partnering with a nutrition company, Field of Greens. Each fruit and vegetable in Field of Greens is selected by doctors

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out there. Thank you. Just share and leave us a five star review please. We'd appreciate it very much. Shay is whether Shay is in Daytona. Hi Shay. Hi, Shay. Hi, so just to cut right to the chase, I just took out my first student loan ever. Super nerve-wracking. It's for my master's in social work and it's about

45,000. That's without the interest. So I'm just trying to figure out what's a great path to start on that. Like how to tackle it super fast because I don't want to be with this debt for like ten years. You just took out your first loan for a semester or you just finished a degree program and you have $45,000 in the hole? No, so it's like six thousand a semester but they just gave it all to me at once. So it's 40 grand, 45 grand is what they gave me at once. Who's they? I've never heard of that ever.

It's financial aid FAFSA, FAFSA. So they just cut you a check and deposit it for $45,000? Well, not into my bank, it goes directly to my school. And then they start paying it that way. So. It goes directly to my school. And then they start paying it that way. So it's already given to my school and my school just takes it out. Okay, so you're starting your masters and you just finance the whole thing. Well, Dave, I bet what's happened is I bet they have you've been approved for the entire program. I bet they don't have a check for 40. I bet your university doesn't have a check

for $45,000 because they wouldn't prepay like that because you could quit, you can drop out. It could be a whole thing. But my guess is you were approved for the program and the school gave you a letter that said you've qualified for $45,000 in federal aid. And every semester you're gonna have to re-up and re-up and re-up and re-up.

Okay. That's my guess as to what happened. I've never heard the company. So you're just starting your masters. Yes. And you're spending $45,000 to get a master's in social work. To make what kind of money? Not enough. It's about 90 grand which would be salary. Yeah, the salary for it. There's no way you'll make 90 grand. That's the salary in Florida for it. Where? Right now.

I work at a hospital. And this starting social worker with the LMSW makes $90,000? Well, not starting out, no, but I've been doing social work and case management and all that stuff for years. So with the experience, and once I get it, they're going, I'm already making 15 right now, so they're bumping it up.

Wow. That's extraordinary. Good for them, because that's a field that needs more people, that drastically is usually underpaid. I would, as a guy who's, I've taught graduate school and mental health programs, I've lived this world, what I would plead to you is to, you make $50,000 a year, I would cut back

for the next three years and cashflow this program. Please, please, please don't chain yourself to the federal government and then try to go into a serving profession. It's a recipe for burnout and it's just gonna melt you from the inside out. Please don't do this. Yeah.

Yeah, that was one of my big fears. It's just like, I definitely don't want it lingering for so long too and when it comes to money, I just have really bad anxiety over it. The way it doesn't lingers you don't take it. Don't take it. Don't take the check. Pay cash for your degree is what John's saying. Six thousand dollars a semester go pay it outright for the three semesters plus your three thousand hours whatever you have to do. Your hospital not got any financial matching for education? No because I'm not a nurse. They only have it for nurses. Okay.

And what enticed me to it was because they said at first that they would and then when I got here they said, oh sorry, no, it's just for nurses. Yeah, I'd find another place to work too while you're at it. I'm serious, 100% serious. If they're gonna lure you in and then they're gonna bait and switch you, that's just a company without integrity. I wouldn't work for them. Gotcha. And I know this is a radical shift, but I would go to the school and say, hey, I need my semester by semester cost.

And they're probably going to tell you, well, it depends if you take six or nine hours, whatever, and say, what is a full-time and what is a part-time student going to cost? And then you make $50,000 a year until you find another job where you'll make 60. I want you to cash flow this program. So what we're trying to tell you is that uneasy feeling inside of you when you called is real. It's right. And it's telling you don't do this. And we're telling you it's right. Don't do it. The best way to get this degree is pay cash for it and, you know, look for someone, maybe another, maybe another employer that pays 90 when you're out, but also will

help with the education, like this one promised, but it was reneged on. And so let's do a couple things here that are pretty radical, but if you kind of just you sound pretty chill and if you kind of just allow all this to happen to you, it's going to step on your face. Don't allow this to happen. You need to stand up, square your shoulders and head straight into this with your teeth, you know, with a warrior yell, girl. I mean, you need to get after it.

John's in Jackson, Mississippi. Hey, John, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave, how's it going? Better than I deserve. What's up? I have a question about getting an SBA loan to purchase a business. What's your thoughts on that is never, never, never under any circumstances. Okay.

Disaster. Why would you buy it? Why would you buy a business, a small business? Um, well, so I travel 10 months out of the year and my wife stays at home with kids and it's a taxing life. We're trying to find a happy medium for everybody and we stumbled what we think is a good opportunity per se and we just... What is the industry that the business you're looking at is in? Making signs. Okay.

And how much is the purchase? Approximately 1.2 million dollars. Yes, sir for a signed franchise it's not a franchise it's a person that started the business and He's looking to retire. Okay All right Let me give you a different way to skin this cat maybe Okay, but um you a different way to skin this cat maybe. Okay? But 80% of small businesses fail in the first five years. The number one cause of small business failure when we survey them

and we work with 10,000 small businesses in Entrez leadership right now is what's called cash flow problems. Cash flow problems is a phrase that means a lot of things but it primarily means two things. I can't pay my debt payments and I didn't pay my taxes on time and I get screwed by the federal government. So you're gonna have a million two floating around around your neck trying to drag you down while you're trying to run a business, this guy's already been running for a few years. And that's like trying to swim with an anchor

tied around your ankle. It's a bad plan. So let's go at this a different way. What is the net profit on his business? He pays himself a salary. But now what's the net profit on the business? On average over the last four years is around 250 okay a million two is a little rich yeah okay we know that part of it we're just we're in the beginning process okay I'm to

figure out here's how I have here's how I've taught some people who hand the business to the next generation and want to be bought out or they haven't to the employee or an employee or a buyer like you that want to be bought out. I don't want you to get payments on a million two and Fauci decide we're having another quarantine. Okay, that'll put you into bankruptcy court sir. It did a bunch of people and because nobody making signs they were making plexiglass, but they weren't making signs So you were screwed if that was if you'd done this two years ago So learn a lesson from that now what you can do is agree to pay him

80 or 90 percent of the profits after you take a basic small salary out Until he gets his million salary out until he gets his million. And about a million's about what it's worth. But if you make 250,000 a year on it and you gave him 90% of it, you'd have him paid out in four and a half years. Versus getting a loan per se. Exactly.

And he'd get his money really, really fast that way, but you're living on a wage to get till you get him off your back but if profits go down you're only committed to give him a percentage of profits so you're not you're not bankrupt then SBA will come take your house dude mortgage rates have dropped so if you're thinking about buying a home in the next year contact your local Churchill mortgage team right now if you're thinking about buying a home in the next year, contact your local Churchill mortgage team right now. If you wait, more people will be in the market competing for the same homes and potentially

driving up prices. Churchill will help you do the math to be sure your budget is correct, making your home a blessing and helping you build lasting wealth. Learn more at ChurchillMortgage.com. ChurchillMortgage.com. This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLS ConsumerAccess.org. Equal Housing Lender. 1749 Mallory Lane Suite 100. Brentwood, Tennessee 37027. Dr. John Delaney Ramsey, personality is my co-host today. Hey guys, we would love your help and if you'd like to help us, here's how you can. Pretty simple.

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being there we appreciate you we know that there's a bazillion of you knew in the past six months based on our numbers and our data analytics and so forth. Thank you for showing up. We're glad you're here. But help us by sharing, subscribing, following, and leaving five-star reviews. Justin is in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Hey Justin, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, thank you, Dave and John. It is awesome to talk to y'all.

I'm excited. Absolutely. How can we help? So my wife and I are on baby step two and we're trying to get really gazelle intense to pay off our debt. And I wanted to see if you and Dr. John could speak to the physical and mental challenge of working 80 to 90 hours a week. On the physical side being like, you know, fatigue, lack of sleep, and on the mental

side, you know, your mind is telling you to call it a day when you still need to grind out, you know, those last few hours to make a really good week. Why are you losing sleep? You have plenty of sleep time left. Well I guess like you know a day you you work 16 hours and you have you know an hour commute and you know eating and stuff like that you may get you know five to six and on a longer day you know you may get four hours of sleep. I often see folks try to continue the life they were living before they went Gazelle

Intense and they try to squeeze it in, meaning I used to watch all the shows. Well, now I have to just watch my two and there's an hour right there or there's an hour and a half. And I want to go to every single Little League game. Well, during Gazelle Intensity, you're going to probably have to miss some games because you're going to work some shifts and that's okay cuz you're playing a longer game But I would wonder how much How much all-in are you yeah that if there's some of that and Yeah, you check your actual time audit on where your actual hours are going

number one then your actual hours are going, number one. Then sleep is necessary. The second thing though is you're not asking yourself to do this long term. This is a short sprint. Right. It's not, it's not, this is not sustainable for five years. That's not what we're asking ourselves to do. And I got a feeling just in

talking to you that you have done in the past, maybe in sports or something else, you've done something where you've stretched yourself to a limit. And if you're a person who's done that, you've experienced what any of us that have done that, physical or mental or otherwise, you never return to the same shape after that. That's the benefit of the stretch yes sir I have, God has really blessed me with a body that can handle a lot. Yeah and so you know once you've done a half marathon, you've done a marathon, you've done a

whatever the thing is that pushed you physically and mentally or whatever, then it changes your level of confidence. It changes the way you're swaggered, the way you look at the world after that, because you accomplished the goal and you break the tape and you go on through. That's the way that I have done it. Number one, I look at it as a short-term play, and so it's not going to kill me, because right before you die from hard work, you pass out. Don't worry about it. I mean, it's not going to kill me because right before you die from hard work you pass out.

Don't worry about it. I mean it's okay. So it's not going to kill me and it's short term and then the second thing is that I'm going to get more benefits than just the money. In this case you're doing it to make a lot of money to get out of debt, okay? But I'm going to get character benefits, emotional, psychological, spiritual benefits, even relational benefits, because as a couple we now know we can do things we didn't know we could do before.

As an individual I know, no, I can do that because before I do, and it gives me a different level of well if I can do that then I can do another thing, and if I can do that then I can do another thing. And that's what this is versus being the typical fat Americans sitting on their couch watching Netflix and never stretches themselves at all. And Justin, there's some incredible neuroscience

that is obviously this doesn't, you can't game or hack this system, but you've known people who get under a squat bar and they feel that weight and they get that weird smile. And there's been people who get under that bar and it's like, ah, too heavy and they get that weird smile. And there's been people who get under that bar and it's like, ah, too heavy and they get off. One of those people says, this pain is gonna be worth this. Watch this.

And then the other person says, I need to opt out of this pain right now. And so there's, it's the, your mindset as you're driving home, you can be like, I'm so tired, I hate all of this, this is be like, I'm so tired. I hate all this is the worst I'm so tired. I just clicked another click. How long you been married? We've been married five years. How's she doing with all this? Um, and that's interesting you asked that

One of the other kind of hard things for me is like say that she has a day off and I'm at work You know when it's those last few hours, when I still got, you know, four hours left and I'm already tired. And she sends me a text like, you know, I miss you ready to see you. I'm going to take it myself. I'm like, man, I'm ready to see you too. I want to come home. But I'm like, you know, I need to stay here another few hours.

Yeah. It's like, I know you lost 50 pounds, but here's some fresh baked cookies. Also, again, that's your mindset, bro. Cause because she's reaching out saying I want you to know I'm not at work with you but I'm in this with you. Right. And it's real easy for you to be like oh yeah you know I mean it's so yeah do your best to I mean you're all in a short sprint I do do your best to roll that out. The good news is she's not she's not whining about it. She's not going ha ha ha, oh yeah. You're never home with me.

Why aren't you ever home with me? She's not doing that to you. She just saying, man, I miss you. I wish you were here. Because I'm married to a country girl that's a hillbilly and if they learned one thing at her house growing up, it was unbelievable hard work. She has no patience for people that won't work hard,

especially if it was her husband. And so I got the opposite. I'm like, get your butt out of here and get this mess cleaned up. What's wrong with you? You know, and so it was, she kicked me out the door, you know, and so occasionally now when I don't need to work, she's like, would you go to work and get away? You know, like, and so, you know, so the, but she, but that, so I had the benefit of a spouse that was beyond supportive. Supportive's not the correct term. She supported you with her foot.

With her foot, yeah, that's it. But I mean, in your case, you've got a sweet one that's being sweet and saying, I miss you, but I'm proud of you. So you might even tell her that, just go, hey, listen, when you do that, it makes me not angry with you, but it makes me angry with this whole situation.

It makes it hard to work five more hours. So if you would do that and just add to the end of it, I'm proud of you, you got this, it sure would help me. Well, when my wife was pregnant with Josephine, after we had had Hank, she gave me a list. It was not a long list, but it was a short list, but she gave me a list of questions I was not allowed to ask in the hospital

and when she was in labor. And I said, why did you do this? And she said, because I know you love me. And I know you're gonna ask, how are you feeling? Does that hurt? Are you okay? Do you need anything? And she said, when you ask those questions,

It makes me want to strangle you. I want to set my eyeballs on fire. Just enough to look at your face. Your eyeballs on fire. Right, so she said, the best way you can love me is don't do this, I'll let you know if I need some. And so I think for you, just like Dave just said, if you let her know, hey, when you reach out,

ah man, I know you're telling me that you're proud of me, you love me, but it just makes me hate being at work, which makes me hate myself and makes me hate all this. Can you just text me and say I'm so proud of you? And I'll know that you miss me. When you're running the stadium stairs, you have no memory of doing that

when you look at the scoreboard at the end of the Super Bowl when you won. Or you make that catch, yeah. You have no memory of running the stadium stairs. Your brain allows you to do the only celebration. Justin, you're a stud, man. I'm proud of you and I think you're gonna be okay. The good news is you're smart enough to talk about it and say, I'm tired. You're smart enough to even're a stud, man. I'm proud of you. And I think you're gonna be okay. The good news is you're smart enough to talk about it

and say, I'm tired. You're smart enough to even take a look, take, okay, I gotta take a day. I'm done. I gotta take at least a day, I can't breathe. You know where your limits are, but pushing those limits is not a permanent thing. It's not a way of life.

It's a moment in time, and the benefits are going to exceed the pain, I can promise you. Live like no one else so that later you can live and give like no one else. One of the questions I get all the time is, which life insurance company should I use for my term life policy? A valid question since there are hundreds of companies out there with rates all over the place and riders and add-ons that are simply a waste of money. You need to get this done and make the right decision. That's why the only company I use and have recommended for over 25 years is Zander Insurance. Zander

is a broker who shops the top term life companies for you and finds the best rates available from the only plans I recommend. They also save you time. Whether you want to work online, over the phone, or via text, their team will cater to your needs and help you make the right decision. This is an absolute necessity and Xander has made the process easy and convenient. Call them at 800-356-4282 or visit xander.com for instant online quotes. So our producer James went through the archives and a thousand years ago when Blake Thompson was producing this show,

he actually did a comedy bit on Detenal. John thought I made that up just a few minutes ago and I couldn't take credit for it because actually Blake made it up and James found the old comedy bit. Does it have a date on it? It doesn't but I would believe it's gotta be 20 plus years. Yeah. It's over 20 years ago. Easy. It was before there was color on TV, wasn't it? Alright, here's from over 20 years ago what the Ramsey show, then called the Dave Ramsey show might have sounded like. Nationally syndicated talk radio host Dave Ramsey has often said that there is no magic pill for getting out of debt. Well, sorry Mr.

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drowsiness, I can't stay awake, horrible nightmares, gastronomical trauma, oh my, hallucinations, that rabbit just said my name, chronic halitosis, a slight cough, andronomical trauma. Oh my! Hallucinations. That rabbit just said my name. Chronic halitosis, a slight cough, and a runny nose. Dentonaw, brought to you by the Credit Card Association of America. Credit, the easy way out. Oh, the show used to be so good, Dave.

What happened? Well, we brought on co-hosts. Yeah, there's co-hosts. Got rid of Blake. got rid of Blake. Got rid of Blake. The good old days. You used to walk uphill both ways in the snow. Yeah, that was probably done on a cassette tape, actually.

I'm trying to think, I know the voice, well, the voice on the disclaimer is Blake. The other voice, what I think was- Bill Hampton. Is Bill Hampton? Is it? Okay, so yeah, that's, it's over 20 years then. Yeah, maybepton is it okay so yeah that's it's over 20 years then it might be 25 years old yeah that's funny I don't care who

you are still still work so time on all timeless all right we'll have five orders on the Ramsey I guarantee somebody will ask for they'll be one on the website hill you guys were. Jordan is in Los Angeles. Hi Jordan. How are you? I'm doing well, Dave. Thank you. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? Yeah. So I just have a couple of questions because I'm just like a constant financial panic, anxiety, worry.

A lot of it's stemming from the environment outside of me. I can go into numbers with everything from personally in a bit. I'll give you a little background. So I did have a lot of early success in my late teens, early 20s. I'm now 27 within the entertainment industry and also just working my butt off. I've always been a good saver. Um, and then, uh, unfortunately COVID hit, which shut down my, every, my, my little role I had going on. And then also at the same time, it came down with a, with a pretty

severe debilitating, um, underlying disease of Cushing's disease, uh, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, uh arthritis that has developed throughout the years. So all of that has just led me to think that what is my future gonna look like? Cause it's very hard for me to do physical labor. My work right now is pretty limited. And I've just been stuck in this rut of, I don't wanna, I'm anxious to,

when I have to spend something as small as like putting 20 bucks in for gas, all the way up to my rent. I'm just looking in this fear and panic for my future. And I've been trying to think of an income stream because of my ailments. It makes it very difficult. And I've always been stopped going. So that's what's frustrating.

Cause my body is holding me back. I have like that entrepreneur mindset, but I just don't know what it is for me. How do you think we can best help you today, Sean. I don't know how to manage what to do with the money I currently have. What, how much money do you currently have? So I have, I'm incorporated and corporate when I was younger, after I got a pretty nice job. I have a, in my business checking right now, I have about $24,500. I opened up a business CD which has about

$92,000 in there. I have a checking count of $8,000 right now. I have a checking CD of 40,600. Um, I have, I, I, I did have, I wasn't a mutual funder as younger and there was some issues with the, the accountant who was advising it. Um, and so those got liquidated. And during my time when I was young, I just watched a bunch of videos. And of course I bought a bunch of precious metals with a lot of that. How much is that? I have about 40 ounces of gold and 900 ounces of silver which I believe right now is close to hundred hundred thousand dollars total. Okay so you've got about four hundred thousand

bucks are you making any money? Currently and I do also have I opened up a Robo advisor in Schwab recently because I just felt like I was just doing nothing with my money. Do you have a house, man? Where do you live? I do, I live in Los Angeles. I'm still renting. Do you have an income?

At the moment, I do not. I'm in SAG. Okay, I got it. Okay. Yeah. Nobody's working now. Yeah. Yeah, and's working now. Yeah. Yeah, and my disease makes it difficult.

I would be willing to bet, just friend to friend, you struggled with anxiety when you were younger, right? I started in my late teens, yes. What's the first time you remember that your body kind of took off on you and it scared you? In terms of my health or my anxiety. Both, because they work together. Yeah well about 20 years 19 years old my anxiety took off my health ailments kicked in a couple years later. Yeah and that's and again I don't

want to get over my skis here and this, this we could talk for hours on it, but a autoimmune body is a body that is so redlined out that it's been trying to shut you down for a long time and it will find another way to shut you down. Right? Cause it's, it's tired of, it's tired of fighting and swinging and running from everything. And that's what you just described, right? And when you struggle with anxiety as a younger kid, it sometimes looks different than it does when you're an adult right? And when you struggle with things that is a younger kid, it sometimes looks different than it does when you're an adult. But then when you take that angst and then you go put it up on a stage or on a screen

and all those voices telling you how to look and what to stand and what you shouldn't do and where you should go, man, that's just a, that's like taking a blender and putting it inside of, you know, a jet engine, right? And spinning that sucker up. And it doesn't surprise me a that you've been very, very successful because you're clearly brilliant.

And you have been able to keep some of the anxiety demons at bay through achievement and accomplishment and attaboys. And it also doesn't surprise me that your body said, I'm shutting you. I'm shutting you down. I caught up with you. Yeah. Does that sound familiar? Oh, very, it's very frustrating because again, I will work

and do whatever I have to do right now. Here's what's important. I don't think you're afraid of work. Yeah, no, you work. Dave's gonna talk to you about the money. I want you to know that if Dave, if you follow Dave's steps and clean up all your money and that's all you do,

you're gonna go with you on that journey. And you're gonna have cleaned up money and you're gonna have an ounce of security there and then your brain's gonna leapfrog to the next thing and you know that right because it's been leapfrogging on you for years. Yeah. So what you've, while you've been an incredible income earner and it's apparent that you've done something that had incredible talent because people paid you a lot of money for it. So what you'd never had in any of these situations is a sense of control. You didn't feel like you're you felt like every even though you had a big old pile of money you still didn't feel like it was all in

control and it's still today doesn't feel like it's in control. So I think there's probably a two-pronged approach here and that would be you called on the perfect day with Dr. John Delaney here is you getting a sense of control in your life, a sense of the chaos pushed back and you choosing to set up really firm boundaries with a whole bunch of things and say this is what I do, this is what I don't do, this is what I do, this is what I don't do, and you've got some very clear kind of a black-and-white type response to everything because your creative brain allows you to work out about 73 scenarios simultaneously instead of yes

or no, and you just need to get real simplified and go to yes or no. And so no, we don't do precious metals. Let's go ahead and cash those out and get those into cash. No, we don't walk around with no income. So let's try to figure out something we can put our hand to. Yes, we're going to send you a book called Own Your Past, Change Your Future from Dr. John Delaney. Read through that because there's a whole lot of what's going on in that book is going on with you.

We'll send a Building an Unxious Life, too. I think that would be a good book for him. Can we get it out of here? Yeah. Okay. Good. Let's send them both of those and throw in a Total Money Makeover book. We'll help you with the money part, too. But it's controlling the controllables that's going to get this moving. This is the Ramsey Show. Do you ever feel like you're finally making progress towards your goals only to get quickly distracted by something else in your feed?

Well, that's why we created the Ramsey Network app, your single source for content that keeps you motivated. The Ramsey Network app is designed to keep you laser focused on reaching your goals. Loaded with over $7,000 of Ramsey shows, this free app is the best place for uninterrupted content and no distractions. Plus, you can search specific questions to get more personalized content in seconds. So, for the days you need some extra motivation, you'll have proven advice at your fingertips. It's time to get serious about your goals

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number one best-selling author host of the Dr. John Delaney show on the Ramsey Network one of the more popular YouTube and podcasts in America today. He's my co-host Open Phones at 888-825-5225. Jennifer is with us in San Antonio, Texas. Hi Jennifer, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, thanks for speaking with me today. Sure. I really appreciate it as I love you Dave, but I think my question is probably a little more for John, so not to like hurt your ego or anything. Hey, he's got two PhDs. I just have one. Mine is in...

In his ego, trust me me it's doing just fine I was like I never thought I called Dave Ramsey show and then not want to like totally focus on Dave Ramsey and Papa Dave you're so sweet you're awesome you're sweet how can help? I'll be okay. How can John help? What's up? I'm calling because, so I had a bankruptcy in 2021 and you know, I'm debt free and well, I'm debt free after, you know, paying the KGB, I mean, IRS. And then I was one of the very few that had their public service. You know,

I worked for the federal government and I was one of the very few that had their loans forgiven. I worked for the federal government for 13 years. And I feel like a lot of shame. I feel the shame about the bankruptcy, but then I also feel a lot of shame about the public service forgiveness in a way. Cause like, I mean, I took advantage of the program that was available to me and I like, I'm proud of serving the government so long, but I guess I feel a little, I don't know. I tell people not to like count on it all the time. And that, there's, you know,

all the data shows that very few people are ever going to have it happen to them and don't want them to count on it. You know, I just happen to be in that window where it worked for me. And so it's like I won the lottery, but I'm like ashamed that I won it a little bit. And yeah, so Jennifer, Jennifer, I'm actually going to change direction a little bit. Is that okay? Okay. Yeah. Um, when it comes to shame, I can talk about it all day long. But lucky for you, you called a number

where there's more than just academic answers. I actually think the person you wanna talk to is Dave. He's been there. Okay, well, I see. What do I know? The guy with the PhD doesn't know. I can talk about it, but Dave can talk to him a lived experience, which is much more valuable So what caused your bankruptcy?

um, I you know, I made good money, but I have a disability and I was Only going to work like two weeks a month after my brother died only going to work like two weeks a month. After my brother died, the disability became so extreme, all these medical issues that had come up. So even though I was following the Dave Ramsey plan. What, wait a minute, stop, stop. What's the nature of your disability, honey?

I have major depressive disorder, and after my brother died, I became suicidal, and it was real extreme. And you had debts that you couldn't pay because of that. Yes, I was making bare minimum payments and then I went to the bishop to even get help. So for a year, about 18 months, the bishop and I literally sat down at my church every month,

how can we dig you out of this hole? But the medical bills were still so high that I still couldn't, even though I had this big shovel, the medical bills just kept coming, and then I couldn't, I was really struggling to work over and over. Hey, do me a favor, Jennifer. Will you take a real, real, real deep breath?

As deep as you can. Take it super deep, and I breath? As deep as you can. Okay, sorry. Take it super deep and I want you to hold it for three, two, exhale. There's a lot of people in the world that are giving you a lot of advice and running their mouth and telling you should be doing this and Dave and I are not gonna do that.

We're sitting here with you, okay? Okay. You don't have to, I can hear you trying to outrun the shame in a circle right on the phone with us. You don't have to do that. Okay. Okay? Here's the thing.

We're with you. When I filed bankruptcy at 28 years old, the reason for my bankruptcy was I had borrowed too much money. I had borrowed it in such a way that it allowed the banks to come and take my freaking head off. Yeah. It was my fault. I don't think a person who has issues with depression,

becoming depressed after the loss of their brother is something you did wrong. So my actions, my actions were shameful, your actions were not shameful. Well I feel like the debt actions were shameful that I put myself in such a bad position. You were vulnerable because of that, but you probably would have made it without bankruptcy if you hadn't been unable to work for a period of time. Yeah, the bishop said that actually when we sat down, I mean every month he's like, if you weren't so sick now, I think we could help you, like he was helping me even with rent, you know, but at one point he said, you know,

tithing and you know, because we're stewards of the Lord's money, you know, he's like, if this is a hand up, not a hand up, but every month I see you putting everything you can into pain, but I think this might be our only way out. Okay, so let me ask you this. It's obviously the loss of your brother that tragedy is in the rearview mirror. Are you doing things to deal with the depression issues? Yes, I see that my so what I did in my case was in my case was I did something some things to deal with my stupidity and so I'm not gonna make the same mistakes again and Therefore I don't have to sit and be

wringing my hands about the shame of the bankruptcy. The bankruptcy in my case was caused by me. So there was shame, it was shame inducing for sure, okay? But the way I dealt with it to answer your question was, I said, okay, what steps do I have to take to be a different person that causes this to never happen again? If I take those steps, then the things in my rear view mirror, it's just one of the many stupid things I've done in my life that I don't have to do again.

Yeah. And Jennifer, can we agree that sometimes you feel things and those feelings aren't true? Yes. Okay. That is true. I know that to me. I know but listen. Not all the time but it does come up. Here's what you're gonna do. I want you to keep a journal with you of the things you feel when you feel like you're taking advantage of folks and you feel like you should have. I want you to

write that down and I want you to hold it at arm's length and ask yourself is this true? Okay. And I want you to be objective about it because if you can't be objective take it to your counselor and say is this true? And I want you to be objective about it because if you can't be objective take it to your counselor and say is this true? Because the answer is going to be no, but when you have a feeling and you begin to believe that feeling then your body's off to the races. Yeah, zero shame for the student loan forgiveness and the shame on the any part you had with irresponsibility you say I'm not doing that anymore any part you had with taking on too much debt I'm not doing that anymore but the depression taking you away from work I'm

not blaming you for that one kiddo that one's in your rearview mirror too though the beautiful thing about life is the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield. That's called grace. Walk in that kiddo. This is The Ramsey Show. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This month is all about gratitude and most of us have people in our lives who we're grateful for. One of those people for me is the great Jean-Noel Thompson. He taught me how to be a dad, a husband, a professional, and how to balance caring for a bunch of people all at the same time.

We all know of somebody else we can be grateful for, but there's one person that we often don't take time to thank. Ourselves. We don't always acknowledge that we're surviving, that we're moving forward, and that we're working towards a better life and better relationships. And in a world where everything's gone bonkers, it's not always easy. So here's my reminder to thank the people that you love, thank the people in your life, and thank you.

Sometimes we need some professional help to talk to somebody trained to help us discover true gratitude for ourselves and others, especially in the holiday season. That's why I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy and you can talk with your therapist at any time so it's convenient for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Deloney.

Hey, if you're like me, this time of year feels bananas. Thanksgiving just flies by and then you blink and the kids are out of school, family's in town and somehow there's glitter everywhere. Pure chaos. And let's face it, the last thing you need right now is money stress. If you want to lighten your mental load this year, do yourself a favor and go download every dollar. It's my favorite budgeting app and it can help you create a game plan for your spending

so you can focus on what really matters this time of year. Listen, the holiday season is going to be busy. There's no getting around that. But let's be busy enjoying our families instead of stressing out about money. Head over to the App Store and download every dollar right now to get started for free. Dr. John Delaney Ramsey personality is my co-host today. Thanks for being with us America. Open phones at 828-825-5225. Thanks for being here.

Hey, based on our rankings, we're in the top 10 podcasts in the entire world, top 15 podcasts in the entire world. And that has gone up recently, based on our ratings on radio, based on our Spotify and our Apple numbers and our YouTube numbers, there's a whole bunch of you that are new. Thank you.

We're honored to have you in our audience. We will love you and we will tell you the truth. And sometimes that will make you mad, just be prepared. Because we love you and we will tell you the truth and sometimes that will make you mad just be prepared because we love you and we will tell you the truth that's what we do and if you want to help us we're not going to spend 300 million on marketing like a sofa we're not buying a like a football stadium or something allergies are bad this time of year and but the if you want to help us you can subscribe, follow the show, whatever it is, whichever way you do it, click the subscribe button, click

the follow button, click the share button and send it on. Send it on, yeah, send it on to them. And good stuff. Let people know about it. Leave us a five-star review. Mama said if you hang anything nice to say don't say anything at all. So five stars work. Thank you very much. We're glad you're here. We appreciate you being with us. Williams in San Antonio, Texas. Remember the Alamo. What's up William? Oh good afternoon Dave. I had a rather unfortunate financial incident in our marriage. It happened last fall. My wife got victimized in an internet fraud and not only lost a sizable amount of cash, took out some loans to help these people and some of those were short-term credit card things like buying gift cards and then there were two installment loans. One was for $23,500,

thousand five hundred one was for seventeen thousand five hundred the rest of them the smaller credit cards and such I'm using the snowball method to take care of those but I need advice on the installment loans when it comes to this fraud it's usually one of two things. Usually it's some sort of romantic interest or it's some sort of somebody crying out for help with medical assistance or some sort of injustice. What is it in your situation? uh... uh... it would be it would be the former of who my wife and i have been having then having some uh... problems been together for twenty five years

and uh... uh... things just kind of uh... i don't know they happened and i'm didn't didn't see the warning signs how's your marriage now but it's it's much better i've been i've been getting therapy and she has been too and we've been making some inroads man just uh... basics

stuff like how we speak to each other and i'm proud of you man i was right trial well here's the thing i have a bunch of people tell me you know i would i would divorce somebody that would do that now i'm not going to throw away twenty five years uh... i said i would make a full year of the concerted effort to get this thing turned around financially

and emotionally. And part of the emotional thing is me. I realized I needed to do some work, and so we're both doing therapy, and it seems to be benefiting. Well, you're a beacon of light for men who are... find themselves in emotional situations without the right tools and the toolkit, and you can do one of two things.

You can just take up your toolkit and go home or you can storm the gates of hell and try to find more tools and that's what you're doing man. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Amen. Thank you. It's awesome. What's your household income sir?

Oh, $69,000. Okay. Oh 69,000. Okay, does she work outside the home? No, we're both in our mid 70s. No, we're both retired. Oh boy. So there's money there to take care of the short-term stuff. What do you mean money? You have a nest egg? We still have some resources, a 401k, and I have some money in my account. All the debts are in her name. What is the, how much money is in your account? $45,000.

How much money is in your 401k? About the same. Not counting these two installment loans how much miscellaneous is there? The little credit card mosquitoes yeah I'm gonna say 9-10 thousand I'm I've got an income tax refund check coming in the two thousands gonna get knocked off for that and I would write a check out I would write a check out of yours today

and pay off all the credit cards that leaves the 40 and close all the accounts okay now that is a gesture on your part towards the healing that you're searching for the 40 is still sitting there will come back to that in a minute. Then I want to meet with her and her therapist and your therapist and however y'all are doing this marriage stuff and somehow you've got to get some checks and balances and start

to incrementally rebuild trust that you're not throwing good money after bad and this doesn't happen again. Because in the back of your mind, if I clean this out and this happens again, I ain't got anywhere to go. That happen again. Cause in the back of your mind, you're, if I clean this out and this happens again, I ain't got anywhere to go. That's what's happening in the back of your mind. So you've got to know that this is solid going forward before you write any more big checks. But nine thousand, but $9,000 in the scope of your life, you would pay that right now for healing.

And I would. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get rid of all the mosquitoes. Get it down to 17.5 and 23.5. And then let's just sit there with those two while we work on this relationship. And as your trust reaches closer to 100% and that is going to require some demonstrations as well as on her part and your part and healing and some time to rebuild and as that is rebuilt and you approach a hundred percent on that then I'm gonna start trying to figure out what to get those paid off but right now I want to clear the the white noise the clutter out of my mind with all these little bills that because every time you write a check on this it picks the scab it opens the wound and

I'm trying to get it down to writing just two checks that's very perceptive you're right I mean I get pissed off all over again every time you do this and you have to go through the whole process you've been doing in therapy start start forgiveness again. You start to have to go back through the whole thing, and you just you start having all these conversations between your ears. We all do this, that's how I know. I wouldn't be guilty of it. No, not me! But yeah, but I mean, yeah, you write checks for things that remind you of bad things, it's bad. So Dave, at what point, and again, in service of choosing reality, just owning, this is where we find ourselves,

do two people in their 70s have to commit to going back to work for a year and earn another $40,000 to pay these debts off? If she's of good health, I mean, I would talk to her therapist about this, I'm not gonna intervene in that, but if she's of good health. So it's like both of them.

She's trying to re-earn trust. And I'm 12 stepping here, but make good, make amends. I think she goes back to work. And starts working on these other two loans. I think that's not because of financial, but just I think that's a representative movement towards owning this. It will give a place for that energy to you too.

You know, make amends. It is a 12 step thing. And so you gotta go back and where you can correct the wrongs. It's part of being repentant or sorry, you know? And nobody wants to work in their seventies. And that's where we find ourselves, right? Nobody wants to get scammed by a romance on the internet, but it's where we find ourselves

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of your finances that's fair wins f-a-i-r-w-i-n-d-s dot org slash Ramsey hey listen up guys Black Friday deals start right now. Yep, you heard that right. You don't have to wait until Black Friday or even leave the house to get great deals on our most popular gifts. You can get our best selling hardcover books for just $12 and audiobooks for just $8. Give like no one else this season with gifts that actually mean something to your loved ones.

Go to ramsysolutions.com slash store to shop the deals today. That's RamseySolutions.com slash store. Thank you for joining us America. Dr. Sean DeLoney, Ramsey personality is my co-host today. The Ramsey Show Question of the Day is brought to you by Y ReFi. Student loan debt is a swamp of thousands of people and they find it hard to escape. So don't be another statistic in the student loan swamp. For distressed private student loans there's YRefi. We trust YRefi because they help you with a low fixed rate interest rate that you couldn't get anywhere else.

Nobody else will touch this stuff. And they'll help you put together a budget you can actually do and get out of debt. So learn more at YREFY.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey might not be in all states. All right. Today's question comes from Marissa in Alabama. Marissa asks, how do you tell the difference between having the talent of compassion or discernment

and the compulsion to help as a trauma response? Is it possible that a quote unquote talent may have developed as a survival mechanism and another talent not developed well due to trauma? I mean, my gut reaction here is it doesn't matter. It's an academic exercise. If you are helping other people to the point that you can't eat or stay whole or you are in an abusive relationship in order to keep other people from getting mad at you, then that's not healthy. I often say that the skills people learn when they're kids to survive can become some of the greatest skills professionally for them.

But if if all it says doesn't matter, I don't think it matters. Am I missing the question, Dave? I don't think it matters. Am I missing the question Dave? No, it feels like there's kind of two possible feelings for me. I mean, one is I don't trust a guy that doesn't walk with a limp. Correct. So if you got it all together and you're perfect, you're full of crap, you scare me. If you survived. Yeah, but I went through bankruptcy I lost everything because I was stupid which informs my ability to do this, right? but I'm not doing it as a As a healing mechanism to get over my past trauma. I'm utilizing the that experience

To give insight to the future. That's a healthy way to do it Yes, I guess... If you're doing it as a coping mechanism... Or you can be a parasite, you can be a vampire, using other people so that you feel better, right? That's a coping mechanism. Right. That's not a... you're not healed.

Correct, absolutely. But so if the trauma, the damage from the trauma, the wound is what's driving this, I think that's a problem, isn't it? Yeah, and that's one of my rules, is I don't talk about things. You shouldn't be in the business of trying to sell things or help other people with open wounds, right? And how do you know the wound's still open?

Can you talk about what happened and your heart rate doesn't take off as though it's happening in real time? That's how you know. Can you talk about your mom passing away from an ugly three-year bout of cancer and you're not overwhelmed with emotion? You might still be sad, you might still feel heavy, but you can have the conversation.

That's how you know. If you're overwhelmed with emotion, you're not in a position to help someone else. That's right. Dr. Young used to teach us, don't bring your chaos to other people's hurting situations. So but here's the thing, if you're good at a thing Because You've got a scar that's healed. God bless you. Use it. Yeah, get out there man That's a scar that's healed is the trick. I think yes, and I might be wrong, but I know you're 100% I you know

And that doesn't mean I mean, I still think it's okay for people to criticize me and say how can you possibly give financial advice? You're the guy that went bankrupt. You know, and I get it. You know, I get that. But I do have insight because of that that someone who's never been bankrupt doesn't have.

Right, so here's another way to look at this. So let's say you're a child raised in the home of two alcoholics, people who struggle with alcohol. Adult child of an alcoholic. And you learned how to get really small and to make sure the people around you were okay. And you just learned that. Is it okay to then go into a job where you are a head of hospitality somewhere,

where your job is to disappear and to help other people have a great experience? No, it's not a bad thing. If you're doing it out of a compulsion because you have to, like you were talking about earlier, then it's not healthy because you're never gonna become a holy, because you're always gonna be looking for healing out there.

But yes, if you have some talents that you learned while trying to stay safe and survive, that's amazing. That's like our friends who go over and they are Navy SEALs and they come back and they walk with business leaders who are going through, you know, challenging times and how to communicate under stress. That's fantastic. You learn new talents under duress and now you're using those to help the rest of us. That's amazing. So if she says the phrase, the compulsion So is if she says the phrase the compulsion to help as a trauma response That would that be functioning out of the wound and not out of a healed wound. Absolutely. Yes, okay

Yes, so if you if you feel like it's a compulsion to help out of a trauma response, then it's wrong But if you got discernment and compassion because of trauma That's a healed wound and that's a scar. Here's the difference. I have to versus I get to. Ah, compulsion. If I have to, like when someone calls and says, hey, can you come serve at this local church thing? You're like, I've got to do this.

That's not a good thing. That's childhood nonsense. If you are, you say, you know what, I get to go help over there. That's pretty cool. Um, then that's a gift. Then I would say, you're well, go get it, go get it done. That's interesting. I like that. Great question. Very interesting question. You know what, the other thing about a question like that I always think of is, old Bible teacher used to tell me, you know, probably if you ask that question,

you don't have a problem. Right. Or you've recognized a problem, and now you have a path to healing. Yeah, but I mean, you're seeing things at a proper angle. Yeah, and I'll tell you, my initial, that question was, I just think the modern mental health ecosystem, universe, whatever, wants us to second guess and deep dive and yada yada on every single thing. And I think there is so much research coming out saying, go do the next right thing.

A lot of navel gazing. Go do the next right thing. And if you can help people based on what happened to your kid, man, that's the gospel, right? That's restoration. It's all things made new. Go use what happened for good if you're healed. Yes. Or if you're, you know, doing it out of a healed place. That's right. You know, so forth. So, phone number here is 828-825-5225. David is in Grand Rapids. Hi David, how are you? Hi, I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. Sure, what's up? Well, my wife and I, we've always refused to go into debt for anything other than a mortgage. Good. This last week we just paid off our house. We did a 15-year mortgage,

paid it off in four years years four months. You're amazing Thank you. How old are you? I'm 33. What's the house worth? It's about 390 right now way to go how much in your nest egg in your 401k's and stuff Yeah, so our raw tirades Between the two of us. We've got about 366,000. Dude, you're going to be a millionaire when you're 35. Way to go. That's the goal. Then we have mutual funds also. That's about 118,000.

118,000. Wow, good. Good for you. Our total annual income between the two of us is approximately $120,000. The question I have, long story short, my in-laws own some hunting property. My father-in-law passed away this past May. My mother-in-law is ready to sell the property. She wants to keep it in the family if possible. We would love to buy it.

She's willing to sell it to us for $122,000000 and she's willing to do a 0% land contract. No. And the terms are... Absolutely not. You have the money, write her a check. Okay. Cash out your mutual fund. Cash out mutual funds is what you recommend?

Yeah, absolutely. You don't want to be in debt to your mother-in-law. It changes the way Thanksgiving dinner tastes. I'm not kidding. Borrow or slave to the lender. The air in the room changes when you sit down with your master. Don't do it. You know how free you felt when you paid off that mortgage? Don't screw that up. Yeah. Okay. Especially on a hierarchy. I'd rather owe a bank than my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law is awesome, but man. Yeah, this is bad, bad, bad, bad juju right here. Yeah, and you got the money. Would it be dumb of me to buy the property or what should I do? No, you got the money.

I would. I'd buy it. For a hundred grand, you got 180 in your mutual fund? How big is the property? Ah, it's about 55 acres. I mean, if the value is right, I don't think it's a problem. But pay cash for it or don't do it. If you can't pay cash for it, don't do it. And never do a land contract. You'll get screwed over six ways from Sunday on that.

Ooh, I could do a whole segment on land contracts. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey guys, Dave Ramsey here and I got a big announcement. I'm coming to a city near you live on the Money and Relationships Tour with Dr. John Deloney. This is the most interactive event we've ever done. You get to decide what we talk about. You do not want to miss this. We'll be coming to Louisville, Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix, Fort Worth and Kansas City in April and May of 2025. Get your tickets and more information at ramsysolutions.com slash tour. For those of you on YouTube and on podcasts, this will be our last segment for the day. You can pick up the other segment that we're going to do on the Ramsey Network app, and

you can join it for free. Just go to Ramsey Solutions or go to download the network app on Apple or Google Play or whatever and you can join it free and you listen to all the whole show or you can listen the last segment whatever you want to do it's all there for free from the Ramsey Network app you can also enter a question. This question comes from the Ramsey Network app to ask a question without ever having to call in

you can click the link in the show notes or download the app for free. Once you're in the app, you can navigate to the Ramsey Show. Click ask a question and submit your question for the show. All right, the question is from Brianna. It says, I was one month from my lease being up and I had to leave early due to a domestic violence incident. I notified the property management company and sent them the email with proof of the protection order

But just the other day I went to check my credit and they put a four thousand dollar debt into collections I'm appealing it. But if that doesn't work, should I just pay it? Okay, um What what happened to you is wrong and horrible, but it does not release you from a lease a Protection order does not get you out of a lease. You're appealing to their mercy at that point. If they want to let you out, if you were working, if you were one of my tenants, I would let you out. But you can't just send them the email and go, I'm out. It's not a get out of jail free card. No pun intended. So, you know, you are liable for that last month I don't know

how it got to $4,000 for one month you had one month left on the lease and now they're going to $4,000 I'm not sure what flip were you renting but um or they added a bunch of fees yeah or something or maybe the bozo stayed behind torched the place I don't know I don't know what happened here but you are still liable even though you have a protection order even though you send an email that does not this is not a one-way thing where you just go oh I'm out no you're not out unless they choose to let you out and they didn't respond you don't have a response from them or at least you didn't mention it if you do saying we're gonna let you go if you've got that response then you owe zero because they said we're gonna let you go so

that you're free but I don't think you got that I think you just sent this to them and you thought that got you out that's the way this is worded anyway and it does not get you out I'm not an attorney but it doesn't get you out so you know what I would do I don't know if you need to appeal it I would just call the property management company I'd go in person if you don't know if you need to appeal it I would just call the property management company I'd go in person if you're in the town go over there and try to meet with a senior person and see if you can negotiate you you're gonna have to pay some money

because you know you just kinda walk you were in a horrible situation you needed to leave I'm not telling you you did something wrong but the assumption that you made that it got you out of the lease was incorrect right and so you you're gonna owe some money now you got to go figure out what and what you can settle it for you if it's a four thousand dollar of legitimate charges or a bunch of them that are just beefed up or whatever you might settle it for that equal to that one month's rent and But you're gonna end up paying something, I think. I don't think the judge is gonna go, oh well, you had a protection order, you don't have to honor your contract.

It's like saying, I got a protection order so I have to pay my car payment. No, that's not how it works. So, sorry, you're gonna end up paying something, Breonna. And the sooner you can get to somebody and get a settlement negotiation begun You're better off to do it in person and you're better off to do it with the actual people not the stupid lawyers But if you can get that pulled off that's going to be your best route because you're not going to get out of dodge Oh on this without paying something Joe's in Chesapeake, Virginia. Hi Joe. How are you? Hey Dave, how's it going?

Better than I deserve. What's up? So beginning of this year we decided, my wife and I decided to take our debt seriously and now we have paid off $30,000 in student loans and credit card debt. Good for you. Mostly from my job and I've been fixing and flipping lawnmowers, trucks, equipment, tractors, all kinds of stuff. Cool. How much money you make doing that? Honestly, normally about $4,000 to $5,000 a month. Wow.

Good for you. Yeah. You're good at this. Yes sir. Yeah. I've been working hard. I'm a caterpillar mechanic. That's my career. So I just kind of you know buy what I can and fix it up. Well you know how to turn you know

you know how to turn a wrench. Good for you man. Yes sir, yeah. My question is I'm at the point where I need to start my uh my emergency fund. Three to six month emergency fund. Good. And I've been looking at the high yield savings count and I see that the rate of return is the one I found that I applied for was 5.31%. My mortgage, I only owe 119 on it, the house that we built ourselves and the interest rate on that is 4.3%. So my question is why should I not just put all of my income into the high yield savings account as long as the rate of return is greater than the interest owed and once I reach the full amount. Because if you make 1% on $100,000 it's $1,000. You don't have a $1,000 it's a thousand dollars. You don't have a thousand dollar problem, you have a hundred and nineteen thousand dollar problem. The secret to

paying off your mortgage is not making one percent spread on a high-yield savings account. The secret to paying off your mortgage is do what you did with a thirty thousand and pay off your mortgage. Okay. The actual math of this theory that you're running won't buy you a biscuit. Okay. That's what I'm saying. So you're making more money on tractors than you'll make on this in a week. Uh huh. You follow me? Yes sir. If you got a hundred thousand at five percent and a hundred thousand at four percent The spread is one percent. One percent of $100,000 is $1,000 per year. You make that in a week flipping tractors. So it's not enough to screw with.

So just pay off your mortgage. Get your emergency fund done, and then go ahead and go through the baby steps four, five, and six, and you'll be in great shape, man. Yeah, and I like to take that thousand bucks and divide it monthly. $83. That's your sleep tax. And you'll more than make that back.

$83 a month. To sleep deeper than you've ever slept in your life, because nobody can take your house away. Yeah, just pay it off as fast as you can. Just nail it, hammer it, do it, do it, do it. Don't mess around with it, don't play games. Good for you, good question. All right, Sam's in Syracuse. Hi Sam, how are you? I'm good Dave, how are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Hey so I kind of I feel like it's a dumb question, but... You're in the right place.

A couple of dumb guys, we got you. So I've been with my girlfriend now for almost a little over a year. I accumulated a large sum of debt before I got with her while I was in the military. And I want to move forward with our relationship. We've discussed it for the last two months or so. I have the money set aside for the ring. How much? I, about 3,500 bucks.

How much in debt do you have? I would say roughly around $50,000. And what's it on? It's a few things. So one of them is a credit card which is $25,000. One is from a repo from a previous relationship. What do you make a year? I make about 65 a year I would say.

I pull in about... You 24? ...4,200... 26. 26, okay. Almost like I've done this before. Okay. And you're saying you want to wait to get out of debt to get married? I and that's the thing is like I you know I've heard a few different answers to that question.

Unless they're this answer they're wrong. The correct answer is get married. Okay. If you're pledged to get out of debt and she's pledged to get out of debt with you and you're aligned and in agreement on your money, get get married that's one of the big reasons why I fell in love with her you know I I was very open don't tell her I think I've got fifty thousand tell her I have forty nine thousand four hundred sixty two dollars in debt and it's exactly this and this is exactly what I'm gonna do to get out because I'm the kind of man you want to marry because I'm getting this done. I'm a go-getter. That's who you need to be. Don't give me I think I make I think I'm in debt. Get it exact and kill it. This is

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