The Ramsey Show - Don't Let Other People Sway Your Money Decisions

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

📱Watch the full episode for free in the Ramsey Network app. Dr. John Delony & Rachel Cruze answer your questions and discuss: "Family Is Guilting Me Over Not Helping My Mom" "My Parents Keep Hinting That I Should Move Out" "We Can’t Keep Up With the Rising Cost of Living" "I Regret Letting My Mother-in-Law Move In With Us". Support Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp 🏥 Learn more about Christian Healthcare Ministries 🏡 Get started today with Churchill Mortgage 🏦 Go to FAIRWINDS Credit Union for an exclusive account bundle! 🥗 Save 15% on your first Field of Greens order with code RAMSEY 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💻 Visit NetSuite today to learn more 🗂️ Use promo code RAMSEY for18% off at The Nokbox 🏛Get started with YRefy or call 844-2-RAMSEY 🔐 Visit Zander Insurance for your free instant quote today! Next Steps 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET or click here! 📈 Are you on track with the Baby Steps? Get a Free Personalized Plan ❤️ Get tickets to our NEW Money & Marriage Date Night virtual event 🎟️ See Dave and John LIVE in a city near you! 💵 Start your free budget today. Download the EveryDollar app! 🏖️ Invest in Your Future With a SmartVestor Pro 🛒 Check out Questions for Humans Listen to more from Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions is a paid, non-client promoter of SmartVestor Pros. Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

What's going on America? This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Delaney joined by my great friend, number one bestselling author, Rachel Cruz. We're talking about your wealth and we're talking about relationships, talking about work that you love, we're talking about everything, and today's a big day. It's the first day of a long weekend retreat

here we have at Ramsey called Money and Marriage, and the studio's packed. This is awesome, good to see everybody. So fun. I think we have a total of, is it 800 couples coming this weekend? I don't remember, there's a bajillion people here. Yeah, so it'll be.

It sold out a year ago and I'm excited about it. And you and I have been off the road for a while. Yes. Except doing private stuff and so I'm excited to be back on stage and having a good time. It's gonna be so fun. Yeah, I'm so, so excited. And, okay, let's go out to Fayetteville, North Carolina and talk to Mara. Hey, what's up, Mara?

Hi. How we doing? How are you guys doing? We're doing great. We're running a scam. what's up Mara? Hi. How we doing? How are you guys doing? We're doing great. We're running a scam. It's called the podcast YouTube show. It's amazing. You should get this job.

It's awesome. What's up? I was calling to get some advice on my financial situation. So basically I'm gonna try to keep it short. I'm an over the road truck driver. I'm an owner operator. Um, when I got into trucking, um, as an owner, you know, back in like 21, everything was good as far as far as that was concerned.

I was just living, just living and spending and, um, not living on a budget and just the money was kind of just rolling in and everything was great. I thought I was doing good. Um, and then things shifted. I got, I had to have like three surgeries and a little over a year. And that had me taking time off work and blowing through my savings. And when I, I, I did the very, what I'm finding is a very popular thing of thinking, Oh,

if I pay off all my credit cards in the same month, that's a good thing. Um, so that, uh, quickly went into me not being able to pay off the balances and, you know, accumulating more credit card debt and things like that. Um, so anyway, so the, um, I got into a really tough spot. I used to work at a bankruptcy law firm and, um, I reached out to the girls that I know that still work there. And they were telling me that.

Yes, they looked at my situation. They were like, yeah, you can absolutely file. Um, but they're, they're requiring, um, I guess the trustee is requiring that anybody with a, uh, with a car note over, I think she said six or $700, they were going to require you to render your car. They wouldn't let you keep it if you had, if it's higher than that number. So hold on. Why are you thinking about declaring bankruptcy? How bad is it? Well, because I was overwhelmed

and I thought I couldn't get out of this hole, but that's the funny, well, it's not funny, but that's the thing, you guys just started showing up on my Facebook feed. I never even searched you, but somehow here you guys come. We're a cult, dude, we'll find you. We'll find you. Or Jesus will. Or Jesus will. Yeah, we've got

Kool-Aid that we passed off to the internet. Samara, real quick so we can help you because we got a few minutes. Okay, what, what, give me, give me a list of your debts because now you're, you're thinking oh gosh the only way I can get out of this is bankruptcy but now you're thinking maybe you can do it. Okay, go. Medical bills like 50 grand. Okay. Um credit card 15,000 okay No mortgage and And then the car I owe like 36 on the car. Okay And that's it

And then my and because I've seen the show my like take-home income is Like 60,000. Okay and trucking slowed way way, way, way down, right? Very, very much. Yes. And I, I, um, yeah, I made the mistake of living how, like adjusting my life for how it was then, instead of thinking how it could go. It's all good. We're gonna, you found us on the internets and we're gonna change it, right? Do you, um, do you, so you have no savings? You blew through your savings just to keep in me, is that right? Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Do you have no savings? You blew through your savings just to keep ends me. Is that right? Pretty much.

Are you behind on anything right now? Yeah. Like I got to a place where I just stopped. I was like, I'm just filed bankruptcy. Okay. Has it gone into collections, the credit cards? Some of them. Yeah.

Okay. How many credit cards is the 15,000? Let's just say maybe eight. Okay. And some of them have gone into collections, not all. How's the medical debt? What's the status on that? They had me like on a payment arrangement.

So it's like. Okay. Are you current on that or are you behind on that one? No, I'm current on that? Or are you behind on that one? No, I'm current on the medical bill. Okay. And then last question for your car, you owe 36. Do you know how much it's worth? Have you Kelly Blue booked it? Yeah, my Kelly Blue book said it's between 25 and 29 depending on how you sell it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Perfect. Okay. So I mean,

I would first thing is get rid of the car. It's too much car for your income. And so you can't afford this car. Bankruptcy, I would take off the table for sure, more or less. You're not even close. So I would, you'll probably have to take a loan for the difference and add a couple thousand more on that loan so you can get just a beater car

for like five grand, four grand to get you around. And that'll help. And do a private sale, because hopefully maybe you can even get 30 out of it, right? So maybe you're looking at like a 10 grand car note or 10 grand loan versus a 36. And then these credit cards, I would call each of the collection,

the ones that are in collections, and I would talk to them and be honest with about your situation, just say, hey, I don't have a ton, but I'm working extra. I'm trying to get X amount. And as you do your own math about, you're probably gonna get an extra job to help get some of this cleared up.

Tell them like, hey, I think I can get you, if one of the cards has three grand on it, just say, I can get you $1,728 by this date. Try to get like a very specific number to them. Cause I mean, some of them will settle for, you know, pennies on the dollar, some of these, and get that in writing. But I would work that credit,

I would work that 15,000 down if you can, just through negotiations, get rid of the car. And then that 50 grand that's left, that's gonna be the mountain to climb. But I would stay current on it. But again, you're making 60 right now. And I mean, I would try to, man, I try to make 2000 extra a month.

I mean, I would do, are you on the road a lot with trucking though? What's that? What's your lifestyle situation? Yeah, like I'm literally on the road right now. I had to pull over. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you over the road?

Are you in town? No, I'm over the road. Like I'm doing a load to Michigan right now. Okay. And when you get back, do you turn around and flip it and head out again? Or do you have some downtime? Well, I'm an owner operator

so I can do how I want to. Okay. So I heard you mention this a few times. Rachel laid out a plan. We're not doing bankruptcy here Okay, we're not trying to hack our way through this But you're gonna have to change the way you live Yeah, and you're gonna have to change the way you see the world and right now you're gonna have two years of this sucks Okay, okay, if you'll commit right now, how old are you?

I'm 39. All right. I want you to write a letter today to 41-year-old you. Oh, okay. And tell 41-year-old you what you decided to do today as a 39-year-old so that 41-year-old you could breathe. Okay. And I'm going to give you Financial Peace University, I'm gonna give you all the classes for free, I'm gonna give you every dollar app for a year so you can

start tracking every freaking penny. And this is gonna be, listen, it's gonna be how you spend money on the road, it's gonna be how you get take an extra job, you're gonna work when you're tired, you're gonna go and you're gonna go you're gonna go you're gonna go, okay? And you're gonna pretend these stupid credit cards don't exist because they do, you're gonna call the companies like Rachel said you're gonna stare down this Dragon piece by piece by piece, okay? Yeah, is that cool? I got it. You guys answer my question. You can do it Mara. It's gonna be hard

I mean, it's this is a this is a totally, you know from a 39 year old shifting the way You've viewed and handle money and it's not going to be fun Mara We always say you can wander your way into debt, but you cannot wander your way out So it's going to be an intense probably two years. Oh, but on the other side of this I'm like it's gonna be it's gonna be so hopeful for you So we're gonna be 41 whether you want to or not The question is you want to be 41 and not owe anybody anything or you want to be 41 and still chasing ghosts? This is the Ramsey show. We'll be right back

or you want to be 41 and still chasing ghosts. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. October is the season for wearing costumes and masks, but let's be honest. A lot of us hide our true selves behind a mask and costumes all the time. We do this at work. We do this with our friends, with our families. We even do this with ourselves. I've been there multiple times in my life when I'm not being my true self and it's the worst. If you feel like you're stuck hiding your true self, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can be honest with yourself so you can take off the costumes and take off the mask and learn to live an authentic life. If you're considering therapy, I want you to contact BetterHelp.

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with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHELP.com slash Deloney. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Jon Deloney joined by Rachel Cruz on our Money and Marriage Weekend. Let's go out to New Orleans, Louisiana and talk to Carrie. What's up Carrie? How are we doing? Hello. Excuse me. I'm a little nervous. Hey, I'm nervous too. I'm not very good at this. So we'll just be nervous together. What's up? So let me tell you what's going on. My mother who's 80 years old, she lost her husband three years ago, which is my stepdad, and they were not ever in a financial great place. He tried to get

on disability a few times and never wanted to hold down a job. And my mom worked underneath the table a lot and she took care of elderly people. Well, he passed away, left her nothing and their house is reverse, reverse mortgage, which is the worst. So fast forward, my sister moves in with her and pays it for all the utilities and everything, her and her husband, and they moved down where my mom was to be closer to their grandkids. So now her husband found a job far away in South Carolina, and now my mom is left with all the utilities and stuff again.

And originally when my stepdad passed away, she was going to move in with my sister in San Antonio, my brother close to her, or she can even move in with me. I'm moving closer to her in about five months. So this was always an option. This was what she was going to do because we knew she couldn't afford the house. A couple of few weeks ago, I had both of my sisters on FaceTime and they asked me if I was able to pitch in for my mom to live in her home, uh, cause she really didn't want to leave her house.

My, me and my husband have, um, been on your baby steps. We stopped investing. We paid off our credit card. We will pay off his car in April and then his student loans. We are so focused. We don't go out to eat and we are so excited about it. And then we got this call. So I liberated with my husband. He's like, Carrie, it's a reverse mortgage.

Why would we throw in money into it when your mom has options? And this was the plan anyway, because she cannot make it by herself. My mom was 80. She's in great shape. She works out twice a day. She's on no meds. She will live probably a long life. However, you know, when I went back with my sisters with the reverse mortgage and throwing money away, they were like, okay, well, what if you do it for five or six months?

Like, and my husband was still like, we can do whatever you want, Carrie, but you know, I don't think it's a good idea. She has ways of, you know, living, but just not in her home. The home is falling apart. So I feel bad because I'm the daughter that said no, and now I feel her rift. Yeah.

The rift is gonna- And my brother who's 60, and my brother who's 60 didn't get asked to pay some of the money every month because he is not great himself, but he does have a home that's paid for, that he could, that he was inherited, that she can stay, but it's just small. So of course he's never a part of the equation because he's never had the money to help. So I said no and my husband makes great money. You're having your heart broken is real okay? Yes. And trying to search about this fault and this person should have and I can't believe it all of that is a distraction from just how much it hurts to find your mom in this situation

to find your husband in your own personal situation the fact that your sisters are trying to clamor and change the plan to lessen all this is just And yes, you got permission to feel bad My rule of thumb in these situations is always always always choose guilt over resentment every time. If you start paying money against the plan you'll already have established and like I said, if it was five months and it was going to clear my mom and my mom was going to be okay, I'd be all in. If it's five months and we're having this conversation again in five months and again in five months, then I'm making the problem worse long term.

Right, and there's no guarantee there. I don't know what happens in three or five months. Well none of us do but I'm less worried about that. Here's the deal, if you pay this money every time your sister calls you and you see her name come up on your phone you're gonna get pissed. Every time your mom texts you you're gonna get mad and they don't deserve that and that would be because you didn't hold your Boundary not because they exist that's resentment. That's not fair to them. And my mom would never she doesn't even bring it up She's never asked me for anything. She's not that type. She's letting my sisters do it. She's very sweet gentle lady Yeah, but she sounds like she's also even worse. She's parenting from the one-down position

That's the nerd word in counseling where there's the one up position, which is when you beat your chest like dads do and they're like, hey, it's in my house. There's that. But then there's the one down, which is like, oh, okay. I guess I just won't eat. There's some pine cones in the backyard. I'll just eat those. And it's like, all right, mom, where you want to eat, right?

It's that. Even worse. I mean, she is sweet and kind and the sisters are feeling they have to, either she's not doing anything in the situation. So the sisters are like, we have to be the parents in it. Or she's like, I don't want to call. I don't want to call Carrie.

Can y'all just, can you just call her for me? And so anyway, you set your boundary. Right. And I have to stick with my husband and our plan. Like this is my house. I have two kids and we're never going out. We're just trying to be honing in on our You can't say yeah, and you can't save somebody else when you're drowning so like that like there is a there is a realness and reality to

Making sure that your household is taken care of right? I mean if we're yeah It's right if this was all reverse and you had Three million dollars in the bank and you're like golly Should we help mom out? You know what I mean? Like yes help your mom out. We're totally different like you like you have consumer debt You guys are shifting the way that you're doing it. You're making progress within your own family Totally to be able then to help people but right now it doesn't make sense to have it care Do you have numbers on the house situation? I'm just curious and well, it's only It's only gonna be 350 apiece from each one of us.

Well, I mean like her, I'm asking like the mortgage. No, they say there is no mortgage because it's a reverse mortgage. So how much did she take out? It's her insurance and her utilities and so forth. And my mom has little bitty credit card bills that I told her she needs to get out of like JCP like small small things I'm like with the reverse mortgage. She took money out on the equity Like do you know like when they when they applied for their role because my step no cuz my Stepfather took care of all that and my mom is just one of the people who just signed the papers

She just goes along with it. You know Probably owed at some level of all of this. Oh, yeah She leaves the house. She's gonna have to just leave the house and let them get it back. That's right. It's going to be their house. She's already signed it away. Yes.

Right. She's already signed it away. It's been done. And the house is falling apart. Well, listen, Carrie, it's heartbreaking when you and your husband turn a corner and y'all start making plans. Yes. And someone in your family is hurting and they don't care about what you

think. They just want your money. They just want your time. My sister's been feeling sorry for my mom. Yeah, the sister's coming in and rescuing. And they see my husband graduated from college. He just got his master's and he's getting a promotion and they see us doing well and they think because my husband makes a certain amount and we're doing well that they I think they think okay well they got it well we blew money for the longest and we're just now getting our stuff together and now we're honing in.

Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, Carrie, listen you don't owe anyone an explanation period. You're right. You don't. The person I think you're wrestling with is you. Yes. And if you've drawn a line that you don't believe in... That's the problem that I had. Listen, if you drew a line that you don't believe in, address that.

But if you believe in this... I do. It's okay to feel guilty, it's okay to feel upset, it's okay for it to all be hard, I get that. But you don't owe anybody an explanation. A simple, hey guys, we're not in a place to do it right now. We just aren't. We're digging out of a huge hole. End of story., conversation's over. Yes.

And they get to choose to- I asked my sister, she was mad at me and she was like, well, I have some resentment, but you know, I'm not gonna go backwards and I haven't heard from other sisters. I know, but Carrie, she's been mad at you your whole life, right? True that.

Yes. True that. She's been mad at you forever, this isn't any different. She's been mad at you since you took her Michael Jackson record when you were kids or whatever, I don't know. Yes, you are exactly right. that's just who she is. Yes. So you can't live your life trying to make her happy. You know why? Because that finish line will always move. You're right. Your mom has never asked for

your financial help. She's never going to. No. That's, yeah. Right? It's just gonna be the way that is. She's never going to ask. And my mom will love me unconditionally. Do you know, Carrie, if your mom, does she have any money? Like is she really truly surviving? Oh, absolutely, truly. From paycheck to paycheck, yes. I mean, she has troubled her whole life. Yes, but does she have money, like, she's not working? No, she's not working. Did her husband leave and inherit? She's getting some social security. He has, he was absolutely, he just drained her down even more. It was worse. Okay, so the only income she's getting apart from family is Social Security, is that correct?

That's it. He didn't leave a life insurance policy or anything? No. Okay, and do you know, and I'm curious, do you know the numbers of what the Social Security check is and what she needs to live off of? I literally think that she makes like 13 or 14 hundred a month.

Okay, and I would be curious for bills. And I wonder too, Carrie, if some of this, I don't know if this would be helpful, maybe this is how I kind of function. It's like a lot of the details aren't there, knowing exactly what is she getting in, what bills actually need to be paid, how much are the exact amounts.

Some of that may help you in all of this, because you could get through it, Carrie, and think like, oh. It's $50. Yeah, it really is not as big of a deal as my sisters are even making it out to be, right? So I think the drama is there because of the family dynamics too.

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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm John Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz. Today's question of the day is brought to you by WhyRefi. Private student loans are different than federal student loans like Sallie Mae. But they hurt just the same. WhyRefi refinances defaulted private student loans and builds a custom loan based on your ability to pay. So stop feeling the pain of defaulted private student loan debt. Go to WhyRefi.com slash Ramsey.

That's Y, the letter Y, R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey and this may not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Toby in Wisconsin. He said, I have a question about tough conversations. I'm about to propose and I would like to be sure that we have covered all the tough money conversations when it comes to money. What are some topics to make sure I should cover

or good questions to ask? Well, I would just say right off the bat, you're not gonna cover all of anything before you're married. I know. I thought I had it all figured out and- We went to premarital counseling, we're like, check. Done.

We did it and now we're ready. And then it's like, wah, wah. I'm a quarter century in. And my wife said something the other day and I looked at her and just got quiet and I said, who are you? Like, I don't know you, right? But great question.

Yes. And I love the optimism that you're gonna get all the questions done before you get married. Okay, so on the money side, going tactical, and this is for all of you listening and watching, that maybe you're in a similar situation. When you're going into, especially a marriage, knowing all the money information that you can ahead of time

is like required, right? So how much you make, how much your future fiance makes, debt level, investments, if there are other accounts, credit card, retirement, I mean anything that's out there money-wise, it should be free rein to be able to talk and know everything because when you get married, ideally it all comes together as one, right?

So that's on the more tactical numbers side, knowing just that basic information, which a lot of couples don't. Run a credit report because the number of times people call and they're like, he didn't know he had this other $30,000 in student loans or whatever. And then you run a credit report and compare them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair too. That gets everything on the table. Yes, and then there's more of the emotional kind of bigger questions, right? The value system conversation. We get a question a lot of, you know, should I marry someone that has debt? And I'm like, yes.

You know, yes, as long as you both are in agreement on how you wanna live life with money, right? So it's not if they have debt or not, it's hey, do you guys wanna be on the same page when it comes to the subject of debts? Talk about that. I would talk about, I would talk about goals in life. You know, what are things that you wanna do?

One of them may be, you wanna travel the world, the other one, he wants to own a home in the next four years or whatever it is. So some of these more goal-oriented questions, just talk about that, which hopefully, those kind of things are in the middle of other conversations that you're having about life. Because that is money, right?

Money is a tool in life that you use to do the things that you wanna do. So hopefully you guys know most of that, going in of kind of what you want your life to look like. And I think underneath those things, or right next to them, I think creating a rhythm that you don't have one conversation and forget it, right? So I think the, I'm always talking to parents,

like you don't have a sex conversation It's an ethos in your house where your kids know they can ask you any question anytime and their bodies aren't weird It's kind of that. Yes, you won't have a money conversation Let this be begin setting up a rhythm where? Maybe when you're engaged once a month, you're like, hey, let's talk about our our month our week, right? And then you get married you want to do that every every two weeks or every week So let's start a rhythm where we can't constantly come back to the table to have this conversation our month, our week, right? And then you get married, you wanna do that every two weeks or every week. So let's start a rhythm where we constantly come back to the table to have this conversation

and commit to being very open-handed. And what I mean by that is this, my wife knew when we got married, I always wanted to end up in the woods. I wanna buy a place in the woods where nobody can see us so that when the world catches fire, we're gonna be okay. Right? That's proper.

Kind of. This is where John and I, yeah, we know. We know what's gonna happen. But here's the thing. After four years of being in the woods, my wife was like, she wanted this, she wanted cell signal, right? And she wanted it to take less than an hour

to get to the grocery store. Sheila, unbelievable. It's ridiculous, right? And she wanted it to take less than an hour to get to the grocery store. Sheila, unbelievable. It's ridiculous, right? And I wanted water all the time, not just when it rained, right? And so we recently, we kept our place, but we moved to the city where we, right? I'd aggrieved that. But had it been locked down, it would have been a fight. But we are very open-handed about, I really want this. I'm gonna try this, I wanna experiment with this. And if it doesn't work out, it's okay in our house to say we changed our mind, right?

Yes, yes. This is a fun experiment that I think all engaged couples should do. I want you, I call it the friends experiment. There were some old articles about the show Friends when they actually went through and said, okay okay this apartment in Manhattan would cost this this couch that like they went and ran the numbers. But Monica technically got it from her grandmother so it was under like rent control.

There's reasons. They had reasons. Yeah but then Rachel would go work retail right? And then they'd go to a coffee shop at 2 p.m. and all hang out. So here's the thing I think it'd be fun to get on a Pinterest board and if you're like me, you don't know what that is, just ask the person you're gonna marry. Create a fantasy, like if we could have any house anywhere

and then actually run what that actually cost in real life. And I think it'll be both depressing but it will also level you back to reality and then y'all can be happy with the world you have now and maybe have this thing out there you wanna go chase one day. But it keeps everybody from being like, I thought we were gonna be a Tahoe family.

We're a Corolla family right now. We might be a, you know, a used Tahoe family one day, but we're not there yet. And it helps level everything back. Yeah, that's good. And then I would also say, Toby, with the money specifically, since you asked about that, I think it can be so easy,

especially if you're getting married later in life and you kind of have like your rhythm and the way you do money, to feel like the way I do it is right. And if something is different than that, then that's wrong. And learning that, you know, when you get married, there is strengths and weaknesses your spouse brings

to the relationship, right? And so we all have this ability when you get married to actually learn. So, so have the curiosity mindset too, because I would say if Toby's writing into the Ramsay show, Toby's probably the one that's hardcore with money, I'm going to say. So again, don't, you know, have your values, but just know, okay, if my, if my fiance is different when it comes to money, that doesn't mean she's wrong. She actually can bring something to my life that's great.

On my honeymoon, I looked over, and it's not that kind of story, James, it's okay. On my honeymoon, I looked over and my wife was brushing her teeth. And I said these exact words. Is that how you brush your teeth? Hey, you're doing that wrong. Stop it. Oh my gosh. Because here's why, here's why. My wife is part-time serial killer.

She took her toothbrush and put toothpaste on it and then just jabbed it directly into her mouth. Oh, she didn't put water. She didn't put water on it, like a person who loves Jesus and babies and puppies, right? And so I looked at her and I was like, hey, you're doing this wrong. And she said something along the lines of,

oh God, this is gonna be a long forever. Right? Like. Oh crap. But here, it was like, hey, you're doing this wrong. And she said something along the lines of, oh God, this is gonna be a long forever. Right? Like, but here it was like, okay, there's multiple ways to brush your teeth, right? And there's multiple ways to do things in life. And I think what you're saying is so, so perfect, Rachel. You have a way and your spouse is gonna have a way

and what matters is what y'all agree on moving forward. Yeah. Hey, and all of this and more, this turned into a pitch, I didn't even mean for it to, but here we are. There's a Money in Marriage date night. It's next week, right? Next Tuesday.

Yes, next Tuesday, there's a live event hosted by me and Rachel Cruz. Specific date is October 29th. 29th, yes, yes, yes. If you're listening to this any day, that's not right this second. We're gonna be talking about real topics like goal setting, budgeting, working through

every season of life as a team, your marriage. It is a live stream event. So we have an entire second floor here full of people who are here for an in-person retreat this weekend. This will be a money marriage event that you can have in the comfort of your own house. There's also going to be a live Q& A and Rachel and I will answer your questions. October 29th, get your tickets at ramsysolutions.com slash events. The total is 49 bucks and you can click the link

in the description if you're listening to this on the YouTube store or the podcast. This is a great option for all of you listening. That again, you're not here in Nashville. We have another Money in Marriage. In February. Yeah, weekend, the Valentine's weekend in February that we're gonna do this same type of event.

But if you are, you know, early on in the baby steps, if you guys don't have the ability to get away for two or three nights to Nashville, like this is the next best thing because John and I, as we've set up content and stuff for this event, wanna set you guys up as a couple when you watch this to continue these conversations, right? So even a one night events can be the starting point of like, hey we want to

work towards something better when it comes to our money and our marriage. So make sure to check it out you guys again. October 29th, a live event via the internet. John and myself. Tickets are $49. Go to ramsysolutions.com events and hang out with us next Tuesday night. And as always we'll give you some questions to ask each other and we will commit to making it weird for everybody. This is the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts and you'll get 10 different answers. Economic growth or a recession? Business taxes will go up or down.

AI will help us work or it will replace us all. But there's no such thing as a crystal ball. That's why more than 40,000 businesses have future-proofed themselves with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud enterprise resource planning system. Ramsey Solutions uses NetSuite and you should too. Whether your company's earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities. With one unified business management suite there's only one source of truth for the visibility and control you need to make quick decisions. NetSuite's real-time insights and forecasting help you see into the future with actionable data. And when you're closing the books

in days not weeks, you can spend less time looking backward and more time focusing on what's next. And speaking of what's next, download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. It's free at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. Welcome back to the Ramsey show. I'm John Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz. Let's go out to Edmonton and talk to Alberta Edmonton, Alberta, where they play hockey instead of the footballs and talk to Nick.

What's up, Nick? Hey, Nick. How's it going? Hey, what's up, man? I'm not too much. I just don't know what to do in this situation. I'm 18 years old. I'm turning 19 in February. I have a $5,000 car payment and I work at a light duty mechanic shop My mom and dad don't want me to live with them anymore. They'd like to meet a

Move out of the nest So I was just wondering like would be worth putting down payment on a home and just renting out bedrooms while living in it Or should I get like a rental area and rent with a friend or something? I just don't want to I don't wanna screw myself over in the future with loans and stuff. Yeah, I tell you- I know I have to pay for my schooling. When you said a $5,000 car loan,

do you owe five grand on the note or are you paying 5,000 bucks a month? Surely you're not. It's $224 every month. That's what I'm paying. But the total is five grand? But I. Okay, but the total is five grand The total is five grand Yeah, that's what I have left to pay

I had it out for fifteen thousand and I paid ten thousand down within a whole entire year Okay, good for you. Nick. How much do you make a year? How much are you making working? That's the struggle I Don't know because while I've only been at the shop for three months and I just passed my probation and also I get a flat rate so I don't get paid per hour. I get paid per job. So I could have an oil change takes 20 minutes. So I only get paid for 20 but if it takes me 30 I'm not getting paid for the other 10. So it kind of depends on how fast I am and how efficient I am at my job.

Okay, so the last month, what did you make? What did you bring home last month? Just over two grand. I think it was $2,200. Okay, and do you see that being consistent month over month or do you think now since you passed the probation period, all of that, do you foresee it going up another good amount?

It should go up, I'm hoping for sure. Yeah. Because I know they're going to raise it up, but I don't really know how Flaubert works too much. I'm kind of just learning how to do it still. Okay. But yeah, I don't want to move out. I'd like to live at home and like save up my money. Yeah, why are they kicking you out?

Yeah, what's the conversation with your parents like? Well, they're not like fully kicking out, but they're kind of just mentioning it that I should probably think about leaving sooner or later. That's kicking you out, bro. They're kicking you out. They're just doing it slow and kind, but they're kicking you out. How come? They just want their house back?

They want you to fly, send you to get out of the nest? Are you drinking too much? Why do they want you out of there? I don't have any habits. I don't spend my money. I just kind of save it they want you out of there? I don't have any habits. I don't spend my money. I just kind of save it up. I don't drink, I don't do drugs.

I don't do any of that. I think they're just kind of wanting me to be on my own. Probably for, I don't know. I don't know. No, that's great. My parents are, they're great. Yeah, I'm one. My 14 year old rolls his eyes at me too, man.

It's just kind of part of it. So what I would do, Nick, is I would first sit down and kind of get a timeline of what their expectations are and what's reality for you, right? You've turned 18, you have a job, you're not making a lot. I mean, it'll come out to like 20 grand a year at your current rate after taxes and stuff. So you're not making a lot to sustain a lifestyle.

So I would be curious for them, like it's what, we're October, just to say, hey, mom and dad, I wanna have more of a clear conversation with you on your expectations because I wanna be respectful. I'm an adult now and I understand, you know, I'm 18 and I can move out, but I wanna know what you all are thinking.

Cause that'll at least give you a timeline if they're like, cause if it's this weird period of like, oh no, Nick, as long as it's next summer or something, then you're like, okay, we kind of have a date. So I would get a date with your parents. So like, here's when they want you to move out. And then I mean, that's, I mean, they get to set it, I guess it's their house. But what you're going to have to realize, Nick, is that you're going to probably have to up this income. So whether it's that you're making more in the job that you currently have

or maybe getting a second job after, because I do not want you buying a house, but renting is obviously the best option after moving out. And if you can get friends, yeah, and get a rental house and get a couple of bedrooms filled and you guys can like split the rent, you know, three or four different ways, that's ideal just to lower that expense.

But I mean, as of now, that you're not making a ton to live on your own. So I mean, I would have that conversation with them too. And part of turning 18, man, is not the most fun, but you need also have this direct conversation with your employer too. And there's a mindset shift that happens when you're 17 and you get hired on and they put you on probation and you get to work, the whole thing is set up as

you should count your lucky stars that they picked you. But I want you to flip that around now. If you've been pulling your weight and doing good work and you're certified now, you're 18 years old, you come to the table and say, I'm happy to be here, I need some structure, meaning I need to know how much money I'm gonna make, I need to know what the comp schedule is, what the comp plan is.

If it's just me working 20 minutes by 20 minutes, and I don't have any input on marketing, it's not like even like a barber who does a great job and they get to bring clients back. It's just, you're wholly dependent. I'm not gonna live that life. That's a tough life to live, 20 minutes by 20 minutes, depending on what car just rolls into the garage, right?

And so they should, you should sit down and say, hey, I've passed my stuff. I wanna talk about what a long-term plan is because I want to be here and I appreciate the risk you took on me. I just need some, some guarantee on what this thing's going to look like. And then you have to make a big boy grown up grown man decision now. Do I want to stay here? But Rachel's point dude, 20 grand a year.

You can't, you can't live in Canada with that kind of money. You can't live in Canada with that kind of money. You can't live anywhere, right? Yeah. And Rachel's right on, sit down with your parents and say, hey, I'm getting the hints. Is this, you want me out right now? Is this three months? Can I have six months to save up so that I can put a six months down on a lease

or something like that? But yeah, you're in a hundred percent no place to buy a house yet, man. Not until you are way more subtle than you can put down 10, 15, 20% down on a home in cash. And that's after you've paid off your car, you don't owe anybody any money, and you got an emergency fund so that when the cars stop coming in the bay, you can still pay your bills every month. So you're just getting rolling, brother.

But have those hard conversations with your parents and with your employer and be good to go there. And by the way, don't hate on your parents. They wanna see you fly. And that conversation's a hard one to have and they're probably trying to soft play it and be nice. And if you don't have the direct conversation now, Rachel, there's gonna come a day when they snap and they're like, you're out this weekend

and that will be too, it'll be too quick for you. It'll just be a mess. So just take, be the, be the adult here and go sit down and say, let's, let's map out an exit strategy. I love that. Yeah, for sure. And you know, to bring, I don't know, I think I would be impressed if my son came and was like, Hey, can I know what the average, you know, like, like what you're paying for lights and water? But like even knowing what it takes to run a household

and ask those questions and build out a mock budget and be like, okay, here's when I'm short a month. If I were to go rent somewhere, and let's say I got three roommates, on average, I'm looking around this, with utilities, car payment, food, this is probably what I need to live off of a month. You can kind of start making a plan

and ask your parents those questions about what they pay, you know, for utilities and that kind of thing. I mean, I feel like that would be a very mature type planning and I think they probably would appreciate it. May buy you an extra week or two to live at home. Well, and here's the thing, if I, let's say my son graduates and he just starts working at a local shop and all of a sudden at six months

after high school graduation, he's not going to college and he's still home and he's just going to work every day and sitting down at the dinner table. I'm more of a direct guy, right? So we would have more of a direct conversation. But if he came and sat down and said, hey, I've got a seven month plan, and here's how much I'm making,

I wanna contribute 200 bucks, not a lot, but I wanna contribute some to the water and electricity now and I need seven months and by seven months I'll have this much money. Dude, I would be so proud of him. It would be, I would wanna support him in every way possible. electricity now and I need seven months and by seven months I'll have this much money. Dude, I would be so proud of him. I would want to support him in every way possible and help him get launched out great.

Yeah, in situations like this, it's the lack of communication is where the messiness I feel like always comes into play. And to know that we are more on this, or I'll say I am, I'm more on the side of fly and be free. Like I think that you can stay somewhere and save money and mathematically, financially, that's really wise. But for you as a person,

when you're being taken care of by mom and dad for too long into your twenties, you know what I mean, like in all of that, like there's just something to be said about being on your own. There's a character thing there that happens. There's a grown, you know, you grow up faster when you do that.

So I'm more on that side. But again, under the circumstances of there are seasons for different things, people go through different events at different times and parents can be there to help their grown children in different ways. But it's the communication. That's right. That's always gonna be the number one.

So Nick, I would tighten that up with your parents and that'll give you more of security of knowing. And there's gonna be a woman that drives in to get her oil changed and she's gonna say, can I come pick you up? And you'd be like, yeah, from my mom's house. Like you're gonna wanna get your own place. You're gonna wanna get your own place.

Hey, that's the first hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back shortly right here on The Ramsey Show. Do you ever feel like you're finally making progress towards your goals only to get quickly distracted by something else in your feed? Well that's why we created the Ramsey Network app, your single source for content that keeps you motivated. The Ramsey Network app is designed to keep you laser focused on reaching your goals.

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It's the Ramsey Show. I'm John Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz and we are taking your calls live on your relationships, your money, building wealth, work that you love. Rachel, we've been doing this for how long? I say we. Dave's been doing this for 30 years. The great and powerful Dave Ramsey

and the rest of us have joined Dave and the Daveettes. We have joined. I'd say the last seven. Yeah, for a while. Five, seven years. Taking your calls on everything going on in your life, your money, your relationships, your work, all of it. And we're taking your calls live.

No net. 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. And again, I'm John Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz. Call us from all over the planet. Let's go out to Oklahoma City and talk to Violet Violet Violet. What's up, Oklahoma? Hi, thanks for taking my call guys. Of course. What's going on?

so I just Found Dave Ramsey and you guys about two weeks ago. I'm excited to get into it But how do I even begin start working the baby steps when my husband has cognitive decline and will continue to decline with no cure? Tell me about it. My husband has Huntington's disease. So for people who don't know, yeah, he's stage two right now, so he still can drive and I have guardianship over him.

Right now we, he's 55 actually, he's late onset. I'm sorry, Violet. So yeah, for people who don't know, that's like having Alzheimer's, ALS, Parkinson's and some doctors say schizophrenia as well It's together. It's tough. Sorry is um So have you all said I'm assuming you've set up all the nexus necessary power of attorneys And you've got the accounts in your name and all that kind of stuff Yeah, I have a count in my name. We didn't do power of attorney He was conserved when we lived in California and then when I moved to Oklahoma

We just got guardianship. So I didn't know should I be having power attorney as well as guardianship? I would sit down with an attorney yesterday and map it out. And I'm a state planning attorney and I think the the thing that I hear catches most people off guard that I've sat with over the years is especially on any kind of stage. When you got cancer, you got this kind of challenge, you've got any sort of thing that is progressive is, and they say it's progressive and maybe you got five years, progressive maybe you got 10 years, progressive maybe you have 18 months.

The challenge is one month, two months, three months goes by and it's easy to drop your shoulders and to settle in, okay I've got 36 months left like this and what's not taken into an account is there comes a moment when everything falls off a cliff and if you don't have that stuff set up now trying to deal with it when this thing starts sliding right when he's when he in-home care, when he is unsafe, like these things as they progress, who knows, right? How it's going to unwind, right? And so getting these things in writing, I would sit with an attorney and a state planning attorney and map out everything, whether you need a, I don't want to go through all the legal stuff right now, but sit down with an attorney today or tomorrow and get that stuff

squared up. And you have to stare the sunshine in the face On this when it will feel surreal That you're having this conversation because this man's been a part of your life for a long time, right? Yeah, 13 years. Okay Ongoing medical care like money wise. Are you guys you have good insurance or what is that looking like for you? money-wise? Do you have good insurance or what is that looking like for you? Nope, nope. We were living in California below poverty level and I said, I don't want to live here anymore. We got to go somewhere else. We sold everything we owned, packed up two cars with two kids and moved to Oklahoma.

How long ago was that? It was stressful but now I'm in a job where I'm making $40,000 a year. And so I can only go up from there. He's not working right now. Sure. Has he filed for SSI? He actually doesn't qualify for SSI anymore because I make too much money. So they cut him off after a certain point.

I've tried talking to him. Maybe we should do legal separation, but he doesn't want to do that, which I completely understand. Yeah, I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal and I would appeal again and again and again and again and your attorney can help you with that. Yeah, well he has to have so much work credits and he just doesn't have them. So I have him set up right now, he's going through a program here for, he's seeking employment for disabled adults. So that's going to help him and us. How old are your kids, Violet?

12 and 9. Okay. So financially, real quick, because we have a couple of minutes with you. Where are you guys at? So tell me, I know your income and then debt wise, how much do you guys have in debt? Debt wise, we're only 12,000. Okay, what's it on? We don't own our cards, we don't, and that's just credit cards. Okay, okay, and you're using the credit cards

to basically live above poverty line in California? Was it to sustain a level of living? Pretty much, yeah. Okay, are you guys in a place with your income and living in Oklahoma that you're able to Are you able to live paycheck to paycheck? Are you dipping into the credit cards monthly to keep afloat? No, we're we're living paycheck to paycheck. We're making minimum payments on everything. So we're not behind on anything Yeah, but there's extra spending with somebody who you know,, he has to have this, this and this.

Oh, for sure. That money that can be going to this, you know, I need money for this. Yeah. You really don't. So he's kind of excited. He's like, okay, I want to get out of debt. So do I just keep doing like having the separate bank accounts? There's one with mine in his name and then one with his name so that I can funnel money when he needs it. Everybody's got to be

above board on this. Is he able to be a co-manager of the money of the household right now? From his mental capacity state? Yes and no. I mean, he'll see something, oh I want that. Okay, listen, the most important thing is that he has a safe place to live and that you and his kids are safe. And so if he has, if he is unable to... We have our four walls. Yeah, I know, but it's a couple of expenses away if you'll share an account and he just has an impulse purchase, not blaming him, but he's not well. He makes an impulse purchase. It's not his fault. Huh?

Yeah. Right, right. It's not his fault. So at some point you have to protect yourselves and if he can hear that conversation, amazing. If he can't, then maybe you put $25 in quote unquote his account and you are managing on the side, okay? That's what I'm wondering to do. Yeah, I think that's great, Violet.

That's what I wanna do and I think that's best. I'm never about division, we're always about sharing money, but this is a very special situation. If you've just come onto us, you know, the last two weeks and you've binged and looked up any videos about married couples, I mean 99% of the time we say combined accounts, combined accounts, combined accounts, we have a whole marriage weekend, the time we say, combine accounts, combine accounts, combine accounts.

We have a whole marriage weekend, we're gonna talk about combined accounts, be on the same page. But there are reasons not to. And if there's addiction involved, if there is abuse, and in this case, Violet, I would say, if the other spouse mentally cannot handle that, then for sure, I mean, there's common sense

that plays into all of this, right? And so I think, yeah, for you to be the one that is really, and I even hate to say that, but it's terrible, but the adults in the situation. Because sadly, with what he has, it's gonna continue to progress the opposite way. And so just to put you guys in a great position, if you hold on the line, Violet,

Christian's gonna pick up, and we wanna gift you Financial Peace University and every dollar for a year and also get signed up with a financial coach and have an hour session on me and John will pay for it. But to sit down with actually someone to look over some of your numbers because I also think that there's from a medical standpoint, things I want to make sure are covered within the trust because there's some complications there. So we'll get you an hour with a financial coach to go over some of that. We'll be thinking about you call us anytime Viya. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey you guys I'm not a fan of the big banks and you probably already know

which ones I mean but I do like credit unions because they're nonprofit organizations that focus on their members. And I'm proud to endorse Fairwinds Credit Union because they share the Ramsey mission of helping people get out of debt and live generously. In fact, they design products to help keep you from going into debt in the first place. Fairwinds has been in business for over 75 years and they serve hundreds of thousands of members worldwide.

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that's fair winds f a i are double u i a m d s dot org slash ramsey hey doctor john deloni here data suggests people who have amazing marriages are happier and healthier, but in the modern world marriage, especially a deep intimate marriage, can feel impossible. And that's why I'm thrilled to announce the launch of Questions for Humans Intimacy Edition. These cards will help you build a stronger marriage, help you learn to feel connected,

and yes, there's a lot of questions about the aww yeah stuff. Get yours today at ramsysolutions.com slash store or click the description if you're on YouTube or podcast. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Jon Delaney joined by Rachel Cruz. Let's go out to Albany, New York and talk to Jessica. Hey Jessica, what's going on? Hi.

How's going on? Hi. How's it going? So I'm calling because I have a whole life insurance policy that I've been holding on to since 2012. And now I'm thinking, hearing Dave, and you guys in hearing that the whole is garbage and that I should switch the term, but I'm not sure about the tax implications and stuff like that I just don't really know what to do with the

life insurance policy from here on out. Okay have you looked into what the pay out will be when you if you dissolve it? So since the cash value is eight grand. Okay. And of your money back to you? That drives me crazy. Yeah. And have you looked into term at all to make sure that you, I mean are you healthy Jessica? Like you could probably get another insurer. Okay. I'm gonna be 39. I'm 39 now. I'm gonna be 40 next year so I'm kind of like, do I hold on to it? I have two little ones. My husband's a primary beneficiary but my oldest daughter is a contingent and I'm like, do I hold on to this?

I already called the company and asked them if I should, you know, if I could switch it from hold the term and of course they said no no you could cash it out and then get a term insurance policy with us and I'm like I don't know what the tap implications are anything or could be worth it to do that or if I should just hold on to it looks like it is it's gotten me like $1,500 in the last year. Yeah, but it's your money. According to the statements that, right. So the way, yeah, they take your money, you overpay them, they invest that money, they take a piece of the investment return,

and then they call you and they're like, look what you have. And it's a crappy return anyways. So yeah, so no, I would cancel it regardless of whatever the fees and tax implication is. I don't know what taxes are when you cash it out. It may be income. It may be like a capital gain.

It's 8,000 bucks, it's not very much money. Yeah, so I would pay the taxes on it. Yeah, it's only $55 a month, so I've been ignoring it for all this time. How much are you paying? Wait, I'm listening to you guys. I'm like, all right, I need to do something about this. Yeah, how much are you paying a month for it?

55. 55? Yeah, I'm a state worker. I make around 15 a year, so. Oh, sorry. I wasn't really missing it, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, 55 bucks, okay, gotcha, gotcha.

Okay, yeah, so what I would do. But I still don't wanna be robbed slowly by the insurance company either. Totally, and that's what it ends up being when you're pairing an investment and insurance together. You're always gonna get a crappy product, usually on both sides, but for sure on the investment side. So, so yeah, I would cancel it for sure today. But before well, before you cancel it, I should

say, make sure you have term in place because I do want you to have life insurance, you guys have two little kids. So I would still have life insurance. And so you do work because I what you said outside the home. Yeah. Okay, so I would get a policy 10 to 12 times your annual income, and that's around the policy that you would need. And I would go to Xander, you can go to xander.com or give them a call, Xander Insurance. And they're great because they're a insurance broker,

so they're gonna shop all different companies to get you the best deal versus like this one you call, I don't know, State Farm, and it's just State Farm or whatever, you know, like you'll be able to get all different kinds of quotes. And that's what I would do. And then I would go ahead and apply and get that coverage going first. And the day that goes into place, the term policy, then I would call Whole Life, cancel it, get your eight grand and move on. your eight grand to move on. Got you. All right and then okay so you said 10 to 12 months for my life and parents policy. 10 to 12 times your annual income. If you make 50 grand yeah I would get a policy at a minimum of 500 grand which

should not cost you very much money a year. Okay. It won't be a huge cost. And by the way, this isn't just us pitching a product. When I was 40, maybe 40 or 41, I did the exact thing you're doing. I called Xander and got my insurance moved over to them with Term and it's fantastic. Gotcha. Okay, awesome. Yeah, I just want to say also, God bless you guys and thank you for the work that you do. Oh, thank you so much. You're super kind. And yeah, like, Rachel, I hear that a lot on like, what's the tax is going to be? It's eight grand. Let's pay the taxes and move

on with your life. Right. For whatever it is. Yeah. If you have $8 million, we'll start worrying about the tax implications. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. When you start looking at, you know, $55 a month and it may feel like, oh, that's, you know, no big deal. But over time what it adds up and then what you end up paying for term is a fraction of that anyways. And always again, the rule of thumb is your insurance and your investment should never be mixed because you're not going to get the rate of return that you could if you put it, you know, even in an

in an index fund or Vanguard or the market, right? Yeah, in any other place, you're gonna get a better rate of return. And a lot of these too, I'm like, they just, it's that slow leak that they just continue just to like take and take. And if it goes up, it just goes up. And you know what I mean? It doesn't feel clean, whole life.

There's some entanglements there that are not great. There's mixed priorities there, right. Let's go out to Spokane, Washington and talk to Elizabeth. Hey Elizabeth, what's happening? Hi guys, how are you? Awesome, we're running a scam called a YouTube show and a podcast.

What are you up to? I love it, I watch you guys all the time. Very cool, what's up? Not much, I was just hoping to get your guys' advice. We are pretty good, but we're not as good as we could be. I feel like we're still struggling month to month, kind of like paycheck to paycheck. And how do we get ahead? How do we start like invest saving? Like we have three kids, I homeschooled, we're a one-income household, and the economy is kind of killing us. Yeah. So here's the hard truth. You and me and your

spouse and my wife and Rachel and Winston, all of us go home as a family and we make choices. And that's not how it was set up for us. We all grew up and they're like, dude, if you just go to college or just do this, and you can do this and this and this and this and this. And sometimes like the dream of, we want mom to stay at home, awesome.

We want to not get into the schools, we want to homeschool our kids, cool. But we can't eat. Or we're just floating month to month to month. And it's you guys as a family having to back out of that situation and say, okay, the price of milk is bananas right now. The price of bananas is bananas right now, right?

And so- It is. And so- It is. My two youngest are not school age, so if I went back to work, we'd have to pay for daycare. Yeah, I don't think you're saying go back to work. I'm not saying you go back to work. I'm saying everybody makes choices.

So Elizabeth, I want to know financially where you guys are. Do you guys have consumer debt? No, we have credit cards. We don't use them. They are zero balance. We own our cars and all our vehicles. How much does your husband make a year? About 65.

Okay. And are you guys on a written plan, like a very detailed budget every single month that you know exactly here's the amount we have to spend? No. Okay. So I think the budget is probably- I know I need to do that. Yeah, yeah, no, no, it's fine. I mean, I think that's gonna help a lot. And if you stay on the line after this call,

Christian will pick up and will give you every dollar premium for a year. Because I think the budget, it's one of those places, Elizabeth, that once you do it and you actually have boundaries around certain categories in your life, and you force yourself to live within them, then suddenly you're like, oh, there's our margin.

There's our margin. There's our margin. It's not getting eaten up by that extra, fast food run that we're gonna go do or out to eat or whatever. Like it is amazing when you do plan out and stick to that plan, it's gonna take about three months for you guys to get it to work.

So remember that 90 days, give yourself a lot of grace between now and Christmas. But I want that to be your homework to say, okay, we're gonna sit down and do this. And then out of that and finding some margin, and you'll look back on your accounts and your checking account last month and be like, oh my gosh, we're paying for two subscriptions

we never use. When you actually start getting in the weeds of it, it is amazing what comes to the surface. And even if it's 30, 40 bucks here or there, that adds up. I mean, that will get you some margin. And so do you guys have an emergency fund? Oh, I just, hold on one second.

There you go. Oh, that's fine. Okay, so Elizabeth, I would- Oh, I blew it, hold on. I messed up the phones here. There you go, there you go, there you go. Do you guys have an emergency fund, Elizabeth? Do you have any savings?

We do not have a specific emergency fund. We've got a decent amount in our checking account. Okay, so what I would do is open up a high yield savings and I would move three to six months of expenses out of your checking out to that and then that's not touched. So that's your emergency fund. If you have to have a few months to add to that savings

to get that three to six months, do it. And then from there, I would start investing 15% of your income into retirement and start that going. That can be through his 401k or Roth IRA, you guys can open up. Hey guys, Dave Ramsey here and I got a big announcement. I'm coming to a city near you live on the Money and Relationships Tour with Dr. John Deloney.

This is the most interactive event we've ever done. You get to decide what we talk about. You do not want to miss this. We'll be coming to Louisville, Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix, Fort Worth, and Kansas City in April and May of 2025. Get your tickets and more information at Ramsesolutions.com slash tour. Welcome, welcome, welcome back to the Ramsey show. We have two amazing people staring at us on the debt free stage. Jared and Caitlin and Caitlin and I are twins. Did y'all call each other and plan? Look at this. The exact same jumpsuit.

Marshall's? No, maybe it's not. Laughed. $30. Rachel. How many did I get? Whoa, you just got out purchased. Out purchased. Rachel's like mine.

Mine was probably 75% off. Mine was $750. No, it was not. No, it was not. Okay, we're here for you guys. Y'all, you're on the debt-free scream stage because. We're debt-free. You're debt-free.

Congratulations, where you guys from? Dripping Springs, Texas, about 30 minutes west of Austin. By Austin, I know where Dripping Springs, 512, I know where that is, it's beautiful. So there you go. That's awesome, okay, how much did you guys pay off? $158,244 in 34 months. Oh my gosh, in 34 months.

Make it what kind of money during that time? 120 to 170. Okay, well done you guys. Okay, so what happened 34 months ago where you were like, okay, over two years ago you said something's gotta change. What happened? Well, we got married and we were thinking

that we have no business trying to, and this is a personal conviction for me, but no business trying to start a family taking care of our past when we can be investing in our children's future. And so that was a goal for us, and that was something that we love our parents and all the support we've had, but we wanted to,

it's really big for me to make it one step better for my kids, make it a little bit easier for them. So we want to start investing before they hit the ground. Okay, so you guys, were you just married around two years ago then? Yeah, we got married in April of 21. Okay, perfect, and then you're looking at this debt. What was the 150, what kind of debt was it?

Just two cars and some student loans. Okay, the student loans. Hey, Jared, are you from that area? Not originally, I'm from the Fresno, California originally. Are you really? Yes, sir. Because you have a swoon, a Texas swoon about you. Right, I'm the Texan.

But I mean, I'm just imagining being in your seat in this tall drink of water comes in and sits down in his cowboy boots and he says, I wanna invest in our children's future. I think I would have married him too. We actually met two-stepping. Of course you did. You know what, of course you did.

Of course we did, yeah. It's great. Golly, man. Like I feel like I'm getting warm in here. Oh man, okay, so now that it's paid off, when you look back, what all did you do that really helped this journey? Because that's a lot of money to pay off

in right at two years. Yeah, well we actually started the journey the Monday after our wedding. So unfortunately Jared got laid off a few weeks. How many weeks was it before? Yeah, it was about eight weeks before we got married. Okay. Before we got married.

Yikes! Yeah, but he got a new job starting Monday after. So we decided not to go on our honeymoon and put the honeymoon money aside. Wow. Put it towards debt and keep rolling. So now we're debt free and then we're now saving up to go on our honeymoon. On a honeymoon.

However many years later. Hold on, I thought you were rad dude, but you got laid off and you just went and found another job? Well I started, I got laid off on a Friday after that freeze that came through the state. And so I started work the next Monday. When all the Texans found out they weren't connected to a grid.

If you could run a chainsaw, you had plenty of work to do. My friends were sending pictures of themselves getting drinking water from snow on their grill. So we did. I just threw it in four and went back to work and landed a job pretty soon there after that. And just threw it in four and went back to work and landed a job pretty soon there after that and just got after it. Wow that's amazing.

Dude they don't make they don't make guys like this anymore. Okay so for you guys what was the what was the hardest part because it's I keep saying two years it was more like three close to three. Yeah. What was what were the things that were just man that you just hated so much in this process? I think for me personally, and I can kind of speak for her, although she's gonna say what she wants to say, that's how she rolls, but. Good man, right?

It's good, uh-huh, you should. I think it was adopting that mindset, and just like this was not in our hand, like you said, Dr. John, but it was in our lap. I mean, for me specifically, I mean, I had a, the government promised me that I was gonna have an aviation contract and two and a half years into that and a year of being on medical review,

that didn't end up happening. And that's how I went from personally zero debt to I was out of state two semesters. And so I went from a full ride scholarship with the Navy into 30 grand and then might as well finish out the degree. So 45 grand. I was out of state two semesters and so I went from a full ride scholarship with the Navy into 30 grand and then might as well finish out the degree so 45 grand so I think it was just for me though meeting her We got to share a lot of this and that's what's a beautiful part of marriage is

Like I got to share some of my tenacity and she got to share some of her patience with me and so together adhering that to the budget and Just letting God take the wheel and keeping our foots on the gas, I mean, Lord's gonna get you where you need to go. Hey, I think I'm gonna, we have a, are y'all coming to the Money in Marriage retreat this weekend? We are, we are. We're thrilled to see you. I think you need to keynote that, brother, cause I can't,

I mean, you just said it better than I could've said it. That's incredible. Well, I listened to you yesterday in the vineyard, Dr. John, so I appreciate you. You have a vineyard? That's what I do, I'm a wine grape farmer. Ah, you're like a movie character, man. It's like a Hallmark movie character.

Good gosh. I'm in the vineyard. I'm a vineyard farmer. I'm in the vineyard. I'm a glorified farmer, it's a vineyard manager, and it's what it is. Can your wife get any secret magic deals at Marshall's? I'm a glorified farmer. It's a vineyard manager Get these secret magic deals at Marshall's

Yesterday and I Fortunately with some of my Navy training was able to iron this bad boy in the hotel before we got here Okay, look at that Story that Rings a little false to me is when you said that the government made a promise and they didn't come through they never do that They always always keep their prism precisely precisely. All never do that. They always, always keep their promise. Precisely. Precisely. All right, Katelyn, what was this like for you?

What was the biggest, like, I imagine, honey, I lost my job and you saying, okay, we're gonna, well, I'm in this, we're gonna do this together, I got a new job, yay! And it's Monday. Yeah. Right? Like walk us through that.

Well, it's actually a great story. We had our wedding, my wedding dress in tow. We were dropping his friend off at the San Antonio airport. And the day after our wedding, we actually went to his new job site at a new vineyard and my wedding dress was just in the back. And we're like, here we are. So, wow, just so just a lot of hard work for me. What I struggled with the most is the comparison trap that we are. Wow. Just starting. So just a lot of hard work. For me what I struggled with the most

is the comparison trap that we all fall in. Yeah. So and through the years I mean it's that was one thing that I still held on to that was really hard. But just even getting on this stage is gonna be really, it's really freeing for me so we can't wait to see what happens next.

So great. Yeah, but pretty big deal. So how does it feel, you guys standing here, completely debt free versus almost three years ago, you're getting married, starting a new job with $150,000 in debt. What's the contrast? Skipping your honeymoon, yeah.

What's the contrast of you guys three years ago versus today? Complete freedom, liberation. So good. Peace. That's the biggest part is like, it's the peace. It's like, okay, something happens tomorrow, who cares? Yeah. We're good for three, six months, you know, whatever.

So good. And then now, whatever future kids you may be blessed with, we'll never know that struggle, right? Right. That was the goal. Mission accomplished. I love that. Okay, where's the honeymoon gonna be? Where's the honeymoon gonna be? Do you know? We're gonna try and go to New Zealand and Australia at the end of the goal. Mission accomplished. I love that. Okay, where's the honeymoon gonna be? Where's the honeymoon gonna be?

Do you know? We're gonna try to go to New Zealand and Australia at the end of the year. Yes! Go drink some Sauvignon Blanc. Oh, Vineyard Guy. Yeah, that's what he's talking about. Oh, so good, you guys.

We are rooting for you. Absolutely incredible, absolutely incredible. I just thought movies like The Notebook aren't real and then here's this couple right here. Jeez, Louise, y'all are amazing. Incredible, incredible. I know, quite doesn't. It says something about you all

that you're starting a brand new chapter from a relational standpoint, and then you're starting a brand new money chapter. I mean, doing new things all at once, I guess it'd be easier. I don't know, you just dive right in and go. But man, not a lot of people can hold that level of change because I mean, shifting your money perspective,

that's a big ship to turn, especially if you had been on one path for so long, like you guys have been. And it took me about 20 years of being married before I realized, oh yeah, my wife's different than me and that's a good thing, right? And you already know, I'm fired up and she's patient and that works, like we work together that way. And you can appreciate those differences instead of going to war with them every morning

So good for you guys y'all are inspirational and just amazing so great so we want to thank you all for the incredible wise advice and inputs that you put into our lives because we're able to you know not Lead our life group and so we thank you and you've started a generation You guys did it you guys did it so Jared and Caitlin from Austin, Texas paid off, how much is, I didn't write it down. $150,000 in 34 months. $150,000. Making $120,000 to $170,000, count it down. Count it down, let it rip.

Glory to God. We're dead free! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That's how it's done, America. You can do it too. We'll be right back on the Ramsey Show.

I think we'd all agree that it's a lot harder to run a race if you don't know where the finish line is. But nearly half of all Americans have no idea how much money they'll need to retire with dignity. If you're ready to stop hoping for the best and start planning for your future, then check out the SmartVestor program. A SmartVestor Pro can teach you everything you need to know to get in the driver's seat of your own financial future. Connect with a Pro at ramsysolutions.com slash SmartVestor. Ramsey Solutions is a paid non-client promoter of participating Pros. Learn more at ramsysolutions.com.

Alright, welcome back to the Ramsey Show. Alright, listen. If you listen to the Ramsey Show or if you listen to my other show, the Dr. John Deloney show, and especially on that show, man, we take a lot of calls, Rachel, about relationships, sex, intimacy, the whole thing. And so after several years of putting out questions for humans, more and more and more and more and more people asking, hey, can we have the intimacy deck?

Can we talk about like... Those kind of questions. Those kind of conversations. And so after a couple years finally, here we are, the Questions for Humans Intimacy Deck. These are questions about, yes, about sex and intimacy, but it goes way deeper than that. And man, everyone who's written back in

has got these things. You're gonna learn something unexpected. You're gonna laugh. You're gonna learn some things maybe aren't so funny, but you're gonna learn and you're gonna learn. You're gonna build emotional intimacy Have fun and here's the most important thing Connected quality time together and I don't know any married people very very actually very very few who don't need some

Assistance asking some of those deeper harder questions and it's easy to point to the deck and be like hey, it's not me It's like it's the card like once the answer You are worth the marriage that's incredible. So get Questions for Humans Intimacy Edition today. And by the way, we've made third editions, all brand new questions for couples, for friends, for parents and kids. That's all new questions.

So you can get all this at ramsysolutions.com slash store, or you can click the link in the description if you're listening on YouTube or podcast. And I'll say this, we went to Chick-fil-A and they kind of a ripped off version of this John. They have a, yeah, and it's my kid's favorite part. And I was like, Oh man, I need, I need to get John's cards for our family. So for the parenting ones, I'm going to pick up a pack.

I've okay, but don't, I, I, I got confused. Not the pack. Okay, but don't, I got confused. Not the intimacy, no, no. The question of human intimacy is not good for your kids. No, I don't know. That's not the moment I was like, I'm just saying the concept of the cards and asking these questions. Winston and I love doing it together.

I'm saying our kids, they love it. They love asking us questions off these Chick-fil-A cards, which yours I'm sure hold up better. And I remember leaving, I had a deck of parents and kids I left in the car on accident. I was just getting them from work to the house and Josephine, my daughter, pulled them out and still to this day she'll grab one out.

Even if it's the same question, what I found is with kids, a year later the answer's different. And it just makes it fun. It's so great, I love it. So ramzesolutions.com slash store. All right, let's go out to Des Moines, Des Moines, Iowa and talk to Kelly. What's up, Kelly?

Yes. What up? How are you guys? I mean, could not be better. We're doing great. How about you? I'm doing all right, thank you. If you were doing great, you wouldn't be calling us.

What's up? So I'm calling because my husband and I, I'll give you kind of some details. Happily married for 10 years, we've been together for 18. And his mom has been having some health issues the last couple of years. And a couple of years ago, we downsized her to a smaller home, everything all on one level and things have been going great until

last year, we got a phone call from the bank. When we were on vacation, that they were concerned about the amount of money exiting her account. When we get back home, we found out that over the course of about nine months, she had given away over $150,000 in scams and there's no recourse. The money is gone. It's kind of fraudulent. It was all on her own doing. And so thankfully the home that we downsized her to is in our name. And thank

goodness because we are pretty confident that the person scamming her would have convinced her to get a second mortgage on the property. So we've had a lot of conversations over the last year and a half about the amount of times that she has fallen and gotten hurt. And the reason that I think she even fell victim to these scams is that she's very lonely. She has been living on her own for over 30 years. And we just felt, you know, how can we sit back and watch her be lonely and depressed and have these health issues? And we felt it on our hearts to welcome her into our home. The home that we are currently in is very small. It is our

pre marriage home and we have dramatically outgrown it. So we identified and purchased a new home that we closed on last week. The part of the financial intention of all of this was that the current home we are in, we own free and clear. And the home that she is in that is in our name, we also own free and clear. We were getting a bridge loan, able to move into the new home

and sell both of those properties, therefore then owning the new home completely debt free. Right, yeah. Since we have closed on the new home a week ago, okay. She has started exhibiting some behaviors that I have never seen out of her in 18 years. She has become very angry, very demanding, and I hate to say even almost entitled

about the new home. And it has just been giving me all sorts of red flags about, I don't know if I can do this anymore. How old is she, Kelly? She will be 73 in a couple months. Has your husband sat down and laid out the ground rules for moving into your house? So we did sit down with her two nights ago and I was very candid about that I thought I was ready for this that we have discussed this for about a year and a half, and all of a sudden I'm feeling a big wave of regret, and I feel like I may have over-promised something that I don't know that I can deliver on anymore. And she admitted that part of why she is recently very angry with us is because we have had

to take over her finances because she continually was making poor choices. And so she's very, very angry with us that we have not allowed her to obtain a new credit or debit card. And are y'all have some sort of financial power of attorney? Yes, my husband does. Okay, so does she have some sort of diagnosis that makes that possible? Or does she sign it over to you? We had the financial power of attorney in place when we purchased the home that she is in in 2021. I know, but she would have had to sign that over as an adult like what keeps her from going just get her own credit card. So part of what we did as putting the rails on things and she was present with all of this we froze

her credit at all three credit bureaus we first she had two credit cards then when we dug into it we found she had four. Well no she had eight and they were all full of fraudulent charges. So here's how it all distills down. She's a 73 year old woman and she's an adult and if she's got early onset dementia she's got some sort of mental health challenges or cognitive decline challenges and you'll have to step in to help, then part of stepping into help is just knowing that no adult likes that kind of help.

And there's just gonna be some pushback, very similar to when you're parenting a young child, you're doing the right thing and it just comes with blowback. But does she, can I ask, does she have that Kelly? Or is she just- But it sounds like y'all came in and said, if you're gonna live in my house, then here's the rules.

And she is really liking that. Well, she has been without a debit or credit card for coming up on a year now. So do y'all give her an allowance? We're in a small enough community that the vast majority of places that she shops at still take a personal check. So she's still able to get all of her groceries, car service.

So my thing Kelly is I don't want you guys to have this level of parenting over a 73 year old who mentally is stable. She doesn't want your help. She's fallen for scams, but it's not because of, to John's point, that she has some mental decline. She's a 73-year-old who doesn't make wise decisions. And there's only to a point that you guys can control that, Kelly. You know, like there's something to be said about letting her have to experience, right,

to a degree of pain. I don't know if you can control the mother-in-law for so long. Well, and if y'all, at the end of the day, it sounds like she's gonna be with you regardless. And so I think sitting down and having that direct conversation, do you wanna take your money back? But you're gonna be living with us,

you're gonna be living under our rules because you don't have a budget and you keep falling for these scams or we're gonna continue to love you and it's gonna be frustrating, but we can get through this together. Thanks for the call, I know that's a mess. Hey everybody, head over to the Ramsey Network app

if you're watching this on YouTube or podcast, the show's about to end. If you are listening to it on radio, just keep plugging in. Go to Ramsey Network app, you can download it now in your app store. Hey, you're still here? What are you doing? You do know that the rest of today's show is playing right now over on the Ramsey Network app, right? All you gotta do to finish the episode is search Ramsey Network in the App Store, Google Play Store, or just click the link in the

show notes to download the app for free. Yep, you heard me right, for free. Then right there on the home screen, you can watch the rest of today's show. Bada bing, bada boom. Alright, I'm getting out of here. Enjoy. We'll see you on the app.