The Ramsey Show - THIS Is How You Set Yourself Up for Success

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

💵 Sign-up for EveryDollar today - The simplest way to budget for your life! Dr. John Delony & Rachel Cruze answer your questions and discuss: "My husband lied to me about his debt," "What should our financial goals be?" "My wife won't be gazelle intense to pay off debt?" "Can I afford to buy a new car?" "How can I start my debt snowball?" 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET or click here! Support Our Sponsors: NetSuite Zander Insurance BetterHelp Neighborly Next Steps 📈 For help with investing, get connected with a SmartVestor Pro.  🎟️ Money & Marriage Getaway is back! Get your tickets today! ☂️Protect yourself with the right coverage—take our coverage quiz! Listen to more from Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Лавровый путь Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, with their work, with their reason for getting up in the morning, and with their relationships. If you want to be on the show, give us a buzz at 888-825-5225.

We've got an opinion on just about anything that's going on in your life, and our promise is we'll sit here with you, walk with you, and we'll figure out what's the next right step. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls. Again, 888-825-5225 on this special Valentine's Day episode. I know, the manufactured day of love. Oh, gosh.

I actually like it. You don't like it? You like Valentine's Day? Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. I would have thought you would have been like a skeptic, like a, eh, love is all year round. I like love.

I do too, but not when it's like a holiday. Here we go. Alright. Really? Are y'all doing something? You and Sheila going out tonight? Dude, I got into my car today and there was like a gift in the driver's side of my car. Oh my gosh. The Delonis love Valentine's Day.

We love each other. What about your house, Rachel? We went out to dinner last night. That's yesterday. Let's go to Emily in Cincinnati, Ohio. What went out to dinner last night. That's yesterday. Let's go to Emily in Cincinnati, Ohio. What's up, Emily? Hi there. I'm good. How you doing?

We're figuring it out. Hey, real quick before the call. Are you thumbs up or thumbs down on Valentine's Day? I think thumbs up. You know why? Because you're a person with a heart. That sounds cool, Rachel. Yeah, I am. It's like the Hallmark.

This is how Hallmark makes their money. Okay, Emily, we're here for you. All right, what's up, Emily? How can we help? Well, my husband and I got married about a year ago. I've been single for 23 years. My goals were to have my house paid off debt-free. I achieved that goal.

Had money in the bank. I discussed before we got married his financial situations. Everything was brought out. He basically had a house. He didn't have a house at that point, but he had a car payment and he paid that. and so that was about $700 and then he said he had was helping his daughter with her student loans she's 36 his son is 33 after we were married we I found out a few months later that he was in debt to his two adult children uh $ six thousand dollars oh gosh after and then after the marriage we got taught um so that didn't go very well with me and then i found out that he had racked up about forty thousand dollars in credit card bills because part of the wedding um we just bought a new home um he's he makes very good money. And then when I heard about the $40,000,

that just blew me away. He didn't tell you about that when you were going through the $86,000? No. What a coward. And he didn't tell me that he was racking up his credit cards. We went on honeymoon. He lost his job two weeks before our wedding. That was fine. He did put $200,000 down on a house that we did purchase. Um, in that time we've had to move. We just sold the house, but I had, I had paid cash. I had sold my house prior to this other house. So how can we help you? There's a lot going on here. Um, I know, give me some direction here. How can we help? Okay There's a lot going on here. I know. Give me some direction here. How can we help? Okay.

I want to know is right now the credit card bills he paid off by turning in his stocks. So now that is a zero balance. How do you know? You know what? I don't know. You don't know. You have a man that you share a home with that you can't trust as far as you can see. And he's so full of crap, his eyes are brown,

and he is just running through life, dragging you behind him. Right. Well, he did the budget, and after we went over the budget, we had about $900 left to live on, and that's without paying our credit card bills. He makes $170,000 a year. How do you know that? Through his paychecks.

I did look into that. I said, I need your pay stubs. I want to see what's coming in. I want you to pull credit reports on everybody in the house tonight. Well, we did because we just purchased a house and his are in the 800s. So the thing is, his daughter who is 36, I guess we owe about $36,000 in debt to her bills.

They are in her name. He's a cosigner. His son- And what was he using that thirty six thousand dollars for him like when he borrowed from that one daughter like what was that for just lifestyle just nope nope his for it was for his her student loans they're for her student okay okay okay okay and and then his son we i found out we we owe $55,000 on, $55,000. Student loans.

Student loans. And he's 33. And both were communicated to the adult children that he would pay for them. Evidently. Okay. Yes. And he says that's true, too. The adult children say that, and he said that.

Well, I'm not talking to the adult kids kids right now because i'm i'm furious okay um yeah and and and the girl um she's a nanny and claiming that she doesn't make enough money to pay anything so emily emily emily emily your rage is misguided and it's not helping no i know it's not helping. You're not addressing the core issue, which is you married a man and right out of the gate, he lied to you to the tune of over $100,000. Correct. On multiple occasions. That's where this conversation has to begin. Right.

We'll get to the money part. Now you pay off money, he's going to have to make a whole bunch more. And you're going to have to sell a bunch of stuff and cut your lifestyle. But, but beneath that, you don't have a man that you trust. And so you're running around mad at everybody in rage. How much are you working? What are you doing? What all of that is misplaced.

All of that is your body trying to cope with the fact that you are connected to somebody that you don't trust. Have you sat down and said, Hey, you lied lied to me we have to rebuild this whole relationship over oh yeah okay absolutely i told him that i said you and on top of this let me tell you one more thing he is a game collector board games and he probably has close to a million dollars in board games well cool he could pay this crap off then bye that's that's awesome right well well when i asked him and so let me ask you this i said he doesn't he doesn't want to get his kids to pay for uh their schooling or take on responsibility for it or he's still paying for his son's 80 89 phone bill to even to this day and I said how about if I get divorced and I get the best lawyer

and I take half of your retirement which he has about eight hundred thousand dollars in and half of your games well Emily but now now you're getting in the mud with a pig I know don't do that be a person of dignity and respect stay above it if you have decided you know what I can't be married to a man-child like this, then make your choice. But right now, you're just jumping, you're cannonballing into the mud with them. I want to stay married to him.

And if you want to fight for the marriage, at this point though, financially, I would stay away. I would have a separation. I think that's a very healthy boundary to have at this point. And you guys need to go to marriage therapy, and all of this has to be resolved,, to John's point, the trust is completely broken, not just from the money side, but in other aspects as well.

And so until you feel confident that you guys are working as a team, then you can move forward financially together. But I'm so sorry, Emily. You need to give him a roadmap of what he can do to earn trust back. Sell games, have hard conversations with his kids. Give him a path back. You need that, and he needs that. This is The Ramsey Show.

What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts, and you'll get ten different answers. Economic growth or a recession. Business taxes will go up or down. AI will help us work, or it will replace us all. But there's no such thing as a crystal ball. That's why more than 40,000 businesses have future-proofed themselves with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud enterprise resource planning system.

Ramsey Solutions uses NetSuite, and you should too. Whether your company's earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities. With one unified business management suite, there's only one source of truth for the visibility and control you need to make quick decisions. NetSuite's real-time insights and forecasting help you see into the future with actionable data. And when you're closing the books in days, not weeks, you can spend less time looking backward

and more time focusing on what's next. And speaking of what's next, download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. It's free at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. Welcome back. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225 for this very special Valentine's Day episode. Yeah, and speaking of love, John, the event that we put on that we both loved. Speaking of love.

That we love so much. The Money and Marriage Getaway, you guys. It is back. We're so excited. So this fall, October 24th through the 26th, John and I will be spending a whole weekend with you guys here in Nashville focused on your marriage, focused on your money.

It's a two and a half day. It's two and a half days full of teaching you when it comes to communication, intimacy, and money. And there's going to be lots of Q&A. We get to answer questions from you guys. That was a great part of the event. I feel like we had a conversation the entire weekend with you all. And we want you to walk away with tools that you need to build that deeper connection when it comes to your marriage, when it comes to your money.

And so our platinum tickets are already sold out, but there are a few VIP tickets left, which includes a meet and greet with us. And we just want to make sure you guys can get those before they're gone. So tickets start at $799 at RamseySolutions.com slash events. And it's still a bargain for a, 800 bucks is a lot, but two and a half days for a marriage retreat that we've not got one. That's rare.

We've not got one. One couple that's written back and said, we wish we hadn't done that. Oh, yeah. It's the opposite. You could just hand out cash in the back of a room and someone's going to be like, I can't believe that you, and not It's the opposite. You could just hand out cash in the back of a room and someone's going to be like, I can't believe that you hit, and not one person.

Totally. It's been so remarkable. Yeah. So very, very cool. It was a great weekend. All right, so during Money in Marriage, we do lots of direct Q&A. So people leave feeling like,

hey, we got our question answered, or here's the thing we're struggling with, or how do you all handle these things in your own homes? And it was a pretty intimate weekend because we had our spouses out there. We kind of opened the cupboard doors of our own relationships. So here's some questions that didn't get answered that they pulled together for us. Here's one. Let's see here.

Pick a number between one and eight. Oh, gosh. This is so scary. Let's see here. Pick a number between one and eight. Oh gosh, this is so scary. Let's go six. I grew up with very little and now I have more money than my family ever had growing up. Controlling it has become an obsession.

How can I disconnect from the childhood fear of not having money and focus more on being intentional with it? That's a great question. Yeah, that is a good question. Yeah, so I would say this fear drives a lot of people. I found this when I was doing research for my book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money,

how much the childhood idea that if money was a stressful point, and whether that was verbally or emotionally, how many people, I mean, they swing the pendulum so far the other way of like not wanting to be that, like they're so adamant about it. And so what I think you have to do is like you you you have to almost practice and live out these money habits day in and day out to remind yourself that you're okay that you're okay and it's almost

like you can tell your head that but if your actions and your body don't follow it's you're not living in that fullness right and so uh i would honestly you know you've probably created a budget because you're obsessed with controlling your money, right? And so I would honestly, you know, you've probably created a budget because you're obsessed with controlling your money, which is great. But I would force myself to spend some and to say, I'm okay letting this money go because as tightly as people hold on to money, sometimes it's hard just to open your hand, right?

And spend it and let it go. But I think as you start to live that out and then you practice spending, you'll see I'm okay. I'm okay because you're spending on a plan. You're being reasonable about it. But until you can actually go through those motions and that becomes part of your rhythm, you're not going to know it because you can know in your head all day, but until you actually live it out, you're not going to teach your body that you're okay. Yes. There's a, there's a, a kind of a a behind closed doors quote in counseling which is the thing that kept you safe as a kid is what ruins your relationships as an adult right if you learn to hide as a kid it kept you safe from

maybe an alcoholic parent and that makes it really hard to develop intimacy if every time something gets scary in your house or you get into a fight with your spouse, you hide. So very similar. If you develop this sense of control to get you out of a thing, it's that gazelle intensity. Cool. That's the thing that kept you safe. And probably this person worked really hard, has gone to college, has got a great job, has done all these things so that I would not be like them. And then they got there and they realized, oh, that tension is still there. Yes. Right. And so, okay. The thing that got you here, cool. You're safe now. Now you got to, like you said, practice something new. My friend, Michael Easter here with the

Comfort Crisis, he has a line that I love and he calls it gear, not stuff. And so him and I have just had some personal conversations and he's written on this about, you know, the anxiety of clutter and too much stuff everywhere and just going to buy stuff to buy stuff. Right. Right. And so he's categorized as stuff and gear. Like I need this backpack that's really great. And here's why.

That's different than I'm just going to go to the mall and spend some money. So maybe you make yourself a gear list. Yeah. Like I do need a pair of pants. There's like utility to the thing you're buying. They need to be nice because I don't want to buy another pair for five years. Then I'm going to buy a nice pair of pants. That's different than let's just go shopping, right?

Yes, yes, yes. So maybe make a gear list that you're going to slowly get over the next year. And also I think generosity helps with this too. Like practice opening your hands and letting some money go. Yep, Yep. Intentionally. That's awesome. All right. Let's go out to Christian in Martinsburg, West Virginia.

What's up, Christian? Hey guys, I'm doing well. How about y'all? Outstanding brother. What's up? Yeah. So I've got a question for the two of you here. My wife and I purchased a vehicle in 2021 with a loan at a 3.99 interest rate.

And we've been making monthly payments all on time of $275 a month. So we've currently got about $7,072 remaining on the loan. And timeline-wise, it's looking like we'll be paying it all off in about 26 months. Sorry, Christian, $72,000 left? No, ma'am, $7,072. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Good, good. No, you're good. I thought, what kind of car did you buy?

I was like, what kind of car did you buy? No, just a Toyota Highlander for my wife and the kids. Hey, that's about $70,000 these days. That's not a cheap car. Well, I work in insurance, so I see those numbers, unfortunately, more and more these days. But part of the reason for my call here is I'm considering just a Ramsey debt reduction strategy, and I've been looking at our finances. We have about $5,900 in a Robinhood account and about $10,000 in savings,

and we're still really trying to build up the emergency fund up. So should we sell the stocks in the Robinhood account and take some from savings to immediately pay off the loan, even if it means lowering our emergency fund? Or is the monthly car payment low enough where it makes more sense to leave the money in the stock market and have more in the emergency fund? No, I would cash out the Robinhood account, that $5,900. So yeah, I would throw $6,000 at this, take a little bit from savings. And that's the only debt you guys have, right? We do have a mortgage, but it's the only other debt that we have. So yeah, so that's what I would do personally. And then your savings will be down to around $9,000 or maybe $8,000 after taxes, if you have taxes in that account.

But yeah, that's what I would do. And then I would full and then take that savings account that you have that'll have around $8,000 and then build on that to your three to six months of expenses. So it's the Ramsey Baby Steps. You'd be at Baby Step 3 at that point. So that's what I would do. And that gets you guys, yeah, in a great position. baby step so you'd be at baby step three at that point so that's what i would do okay um and that gets you guys yeah in a great position are you guys do you have investments beyond this account do you have retirement 401k or a roth ira yes yes ma'am we have a roth ira um that we're

contributing to and then uh i'm big on trying to help the kids out long term with college so we've also been making contributions to a smart 529 account for them. Good, good. Yeah, that's amazing. So great. So I would just keep all of that up. I mean, you guys are right there. But, yeah, I would cash out and pay off that car immediately.

Internalize that. You're going to be debt-free in about 45 minutes. I mean, the idea sounds great you know having nothing but the home to work at listen what a valentine's day gift when you slide across the table a zero balance on this car note for your wife how much is the car payment a month $275 okay okay so it's not huge

yeah but you just got what? What's three times 12? 36. Yeah, you got a $3,600 a year raise just now. No, that makes sense. Right? A little bit less than that. $3,500 a year raise just by clicking a few buttons on your computer.

And if your boss said, hey, you do this and this and this, I'm going to give you a $3,500 raise, you'd be like, alright! Well, here you go. Merry Christmas, man. Happy Valentine's Day. Thank you guys so much. Great job. Thanks, Christian. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys, too.

888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Call us with your relationship challenges. I especially want you to call if you have your spouse with you and you're wondering, is it their fault or is it mine? Rachel and I will solve it for you. Are you working the baby steps? One of the smartest and most impactful changes you can make is to ditch your cash value life insurance

plan, if you have one, and replace it with a term life policy. Listen, the only thing a cash value policy is good for is overcharging you for the life insurance and then paying you a crappy rate of return on your overpayment. Stop wasting your money and really focus on getting out of debt and growing your savings. For over 25 years, I've trusted and used Zander Insurance to find the best rates on term life insurance from the top-rated companies. They keep the whole thing simple. You can apply online or over the phone, and they even have low-cost plans that don't require an exam.

Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. Even if you don't have a cash value policy, if you're one of the 70% of people who have no life insurance or not enough, it's even more important to get this done. 800-356-4282 or Zander.com. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz. We're taking your calls on money, life, and especially on your dating and marriage relationships on this special Valentine's Day episode. Let's go out to Marissa in Columbus, Ohio. Hey, Marissa, what's up?

Hi, guys. How are you? We're partying. What are you up to? Enjoying my day off. It's beautiful here today congratulations that's that must be nice Rachel's my boss and we don't get those very often what's up we work um well hopefully you do get a couple days off you guys work hard too but um my question is so my husband and I were a little background. We're 32. Um, we live obviously outside Columbus.

We just bought our forever home. Like we had bought a starter house, um, probably five years ago, fix it up, sold it, um, in June, bought our forever house, moved in. Um, so unfortunately we have a 6.9% or whatever interest rate. Our other house, we had a 15-year, like 2.5%. So quite a shock adjustment, but in the long run, worth it. So I guess we have no debt. For context, my husband works in IT.

He makes about $150. I'm a nurse, so I make about $80. And then we have a 10 month old daughter. So we're just trying to figure out the best way to like pay off this mortgage as quickly as possible. While also like enjoying ourselves a little bit, like we live very well below our means, but just, you know, like that we have a financial advisor and talking with them about saving for our daughter's future and weddings and college. And if we have more kids, it's just like making our head spin. Um, originally we had talked about, you know, of course, once rates lower again, you know, maybe high fours, low fives,

refinancing, but then even that it's like, you know, we would still pay what we're paying now, but like at the new lower rate to pay it off quicker, but it's still going to take, you know, 15 or plus years to pay it off. So I guess we're just trying to figure out the best way. How much is left on the mortgage? We have about 400.

400 left, okay. Yeah, so I have about 50 in savings. My husband has about 75. Um, and then, you know, we have retirement accounts and stuff. And then, um, with our financial advisor through other like IRAs and stuff like that, we have about 30. Okay. Um, so yeah, it's just like, you know, we had talked about maybe if we do refinance, like just putting whatever I make towards the mortgage and living off what my husband makes. But even then it would still, you know, take quite a bit of time. It wouldn't be like a quick couple of year process. Hey, Rachel, before you walk through the numbers, can I ask Marissa, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is this house 100 yeah oh yeah because you're like you're doing a lot of of financial gymnastics

like you're spending a ton of energy what about this what about this what about that what if we did this and so i think it's just important to go stop for a second say is this still what we want to do like we love this house it's our quote unquote forever house which by the way no such thing as that but like this is a house that we love but man it has taken all the fun out of our life right you're still all in on it we yeah well you guys said you live you live you said you live far below your means so how much margin do you guys have a month would would you say, that you put into savings? So I put about $1,000 and then an additional $500 a month goes to like our financial advisor.

My husband puts $500 a month and then... And this is like non-retirement, correct? Correct. Yeah. Just to whatever. Like we've got various investments. Okay. And then my husband's probably saved an additional 1500 on his end okay okay so i'd say here a couple of things um

yeah number one i keep hearing you say like my husband's money my husband has this i have that i would challenge you guys to combine everything because you guys are working towards the same goal but you're still on two separate roads financially. But if you put everything in one pot, you know, instead of saying, well, I have 50,000 and he has 75,000, like, no, together, this is what we have. Like there's, there's a, there's something about that unification that happened when you are unified that helps this plan go faster. So what we found, Marissa, is that you are trying to do a couple of things and well-intentioned things. So I would kind of put some structure around them. Okay. So I would, at this point, you guys have a well over a fully funded emergency fund. I would say 50 grand is plenty for you guys for an emergency fund. You

could probably even lower some of that if you wanted, but I would look at that extra 75,000 and just have the conversation. Hey, is this something we would just want to put a chunk of that towards the house? I mean, you're're gonna knock off almost a hundred grand towards the principal in the house if you do that like that's an option and then from there let's invest 15 percent of our income into retirement nothing more nothing less let's put a little bit away for college I would not worry about weddings and all of that you're adding in a lot with a 10 month old so like I know it's so easy to like dream but yeah that's that's muddying up kind of what John was saying he just feels like you're trying to do all these things it's kind

of muddying the waters so just look at what you really need to do and so we'll put some money away every year for college and you can kind of run those numbers and just decide from per household what feels right to you and then anything above that I I would throw towards the house and throw towards the principal of your mortgage doing that and then I mean Marissa we find that people that follow this plan they pay their house off in seven years so it's not a two year process

on average it's about seven years and so as you guys map it out I mean you make 230 and you have a $400,000 mortgage so I'm like golly in four years if you guys just lived on 130 or three years yeah you could just lived on 130 or three years yeah you could pay it off so can I tell you one hard thing Marissa yeah you're it sounds like you lean a lot on your financial advisor if you get with the wrong financial advisor you need to

remember that they can be very self-serving and they will talk you into taking huge chunks of your money. You want to get a financial advisor that works for you, not the other way around. And they'll look at you, the wrong ones will call you. The old financial advisor we had definitely kind of, when we were younger, like took advantage of us. We were newly married and kind of sold us on the whole life first term. And we ended up doing both. Um, and then, you know, we had paid $10,000 in, but only, you know, we're out, you know, we were out five or $6,000. So we ended up switching to a friend. Well, so follow Rachel's policy now. And I want you to know, we don't have a financial stake in your success here.

We're rooting you on. This is what we would do in our own house. Put 15% away and put the rest towards your house. And your financial advisor may be like, oh, you're so stupid. You're missing out. But 15% aside, you're going to be fine. You're so far ahead of the game

with the people we talk to right now. And you owe what on your house? 400? Yeah, we owe 400. We just moved in in June. Okay. Imagine this. Six or seven months. Imagine this. What if you sat down and had a conversation with your husband and you put 15 from that pile that you call yours and you put 75 from him and by the end of this weekend your mortgage is down to 310 already

right yeah we have talked about that because yeah like I said we obviously both have our own accounts and then like a joint account so we were just talking about that last night like what if we just yeah so much amount from our nest egg in um but then you know it's just like there's almost like too much good advice because then you know like his parents are like well let's you guys should just wait to refinance no no no no no no they're wrong listen here's what i want

to be your guide solve for freedom what's not what's the best what's the best interest rate what not what's the best move that might happen in three months or six months hey by the way i'm looking to buy a house and everybody's waiting for these interest rates to drop and they didn't the other day oh yeah then everybody freaked out and then the inflation report came out dude everybody's just throwing darts with a blindfold on. I want you guys to change your metric. Solve for freedom. What's the fastest path to our family not owing anybody anything? Forget the interest rates. Let's be free. And let's give that kid, your new kid, yeah, a wedding's going to be awesome to save up for. College will be awesome. Let's give their nervous, your new kid, yeah, a wedding's going to be awesome to save up for,

college will be awesome. Let's give their nervous system 18 years of parents who don't owe anybody anything. That's peace. Then that kid can rappel off and go do some amazing things that our culture desperately needs young people to get involved with, right? Let's solve for freedom, not for everybody else's advice. This is The Ramsey Show. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This is the season for Halloween. It's October. We're wearing costumes and we're wearing masks. If you haven't started planning your costume yet, get on it. And while you're thinking about it, I want you to be honest. A lot of us hide ourselves. We hide our true selves behind costumes and masks all the time. We do this at work. We do this around our friends. We do this around our families. We even do this when we look at ourselves in the mirror. I know because I've been there multiple times in my life and it's the worst. If you feel like you're stuck hiding behind masks and costumes all the time,

if you find yourself hiding from your true self, I want you to consider talking with a therapist. Therapy is a place where you can be honest, where you can talk to somebody else and reflect and learn, and you can accept all the parts of yourself over time and start living an authentic life. Masks and costumes should be for Halloween parties, not for our emotions and our

true selves. And if you're considering therapy, try calling my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy. You can talk with your therapist anywhere, so it's convenient for you and your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey and you'll be matched with a licensed therapist. Plus, you can switch therapist at any time for no additional cost. Take off the costumes and take off the mask with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash Deloney. Welcome back. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Kimberly in Seattle, Washington. Hey, Kimberly, what's up? Hey, are you still there? We're here. How's it going? How can we help?

Good. Well, not good, but maybe you can help me out with some suggestions. My husband just like about a week ago was went to the hospital and was diagnosed with basically liver. His liver is shot. It's beyond repair. They gave him maybe a year, year and a half to live. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Yeah. And he struggled with alcohol, you know, addiction off and on over the years. And he, you know, he said, I knew that this was probably going to happen, but you know,

when you're addicted, you're addicted and it's hard to stop something. So anyway, our situation right now is he's working or trying to work because he doesn't feel well. And I've been doing the best I can to do Ramsey stuff without him being on board, which means not very much. Anyway, I have questions here as to what we should do because this freight train is moving. It's moving forward. Do you guys have kids, Kimberly? We have adult kids who are doing really well.

Okay. Off on their own. They're amazing. How old are you guys? I just turned 60. He's a few years younger than me, three years younger than me. Okay. Anyway, and in fact, I just worked, I had a hospital bill. I worked, took a grinding job to pay the balance off because of insufficient insurance and just got it done. So here we are with another hurdle. So I'm looking at we do own our own house,

but because I haven't had access to the funding I wanted to do to keep up on it. It needs exterior repairs that are fairly expensive, as in roof gutters, some siding, and then paint after that. It's an amazing house. It's in really good condition, but that would have to be done if we were to possibly sell and downsize. If that would be one of the options we should consider, I don't know. We have a lot of stuff sitting around that my other half cannot get rid of anything ever. So getting those, you know know options for getting those things sold and how to approach him on that um we'd have to have somebody come and remove kimberly let me let me hop in here the yes please you've gone directly and you've in quite honestly if you've been if you've been

married to somebody who's struggling with alcohol for a long time, you have been responding to crisis after crisis and thing after thing forever, right? Amen. And then, so the way you said this, I want to challenge you on it. Well, now we got another hurdle. This is not just another hurdle. No, it's big. This is the stop sign. It's the have been working with somebody for a long time everything in this conversation has changed now and the conversation changed to change us to now we have a an hourglass we have a clock that's ticking and the doctors

clicked it on for us and so we're not talking about how you feel if you really like this collection of bottle caps you've been keeping for for it like that that ship is over that ship is sailed out to harbor we are now creating a life that I'm gonna have to inhabit because you're going to be gone. Yeah. And that looks like making sure I got a home with four walls on it and I can pay bills. Right. And some of it you're going to, I remember sitting with somebody that I care about deeply and I was helping them and their house was full of stuff.

And I was trying to help them throw it away. This is several years ago. And I just finally stopped and looked at him and said, I need you to hear me say this. When you die, I'm going to throw all of this away. I can do it now, or I can do it when you're gone. And there was a long, long pause. And they said, you're going to have to do it when I'm gone. And I said, okay, I'm moving on with with my day i'm not gonna spend another second here i've already made that choice but i'm not gonna fight that in this moment see what i'm saying so i want you to he was not even used to that idea yet it hadn't even been introduced right right i want so here's here's what we're doing we're reverse engineering this thing for the four walls i i hate to live like this but this is the clock you've been given.

I want to go 18 months and start working backwards. What does life look like? And you don't have to do a roof and siding and gutter. You don't have to do all that at the same time. We're going to price each one of those things out. These things that we have to do so we can keep our house. These things that we have to do so that at the same time. We're going to price each one of those things out. These things that we have to do so that we can keep our house, these things that we have to do so we have transportation, you're going to have to have a job if you don't have any retirement. Yeah. What's the financial status, Kimberly? You said you own your home outright, so there's no mortgage or

anything on it, correct? Yeah. Well, in the earlier days, I was working to, you know, pay a little extra here and there because I'm the, you know, I'm the one that doesn't want to be in horrendous debt, a debt of any kind, actually. And he used to work a very, a very good job. And part of it was an investment account that was like a retirement, right? And he got to a point where he wanted to start his own business. He'd always wanted to do this because his family had done it, and they had done it poorly, and they fought, and they divorced. But it still is a dream of his. So did he cash out the investments?

So over time, yes, he cashed out almost everything. So what's left? He threw into a business without knowing how to run a business. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Kimberly, you're going to have to set that aside because you've got an emergency in front of you. So what debt do you guys have? Any at all? Any consumer debt, credit cards, car loan? No. Okay. We have no debt. No debt. And how much money are you? Property taxes and things like

that. Okay. Are you working, Kimberly? Do you work? I was in order to pay off my hospital debt. Okay. Yeah. Horrendouslyously huge and i finally got that paid off and it but it was very hard it was just a how okay how much yeah okay physically okay okay so not in a great position to work okay what was he making a year no what's he making now yes um to keep you guys craprap I should know this No it's fine 30,000 70,000 Yeah 30 something

Okay And that's enough And any investments Sorry I know you said he cashed out his to start the business Do you have any retirement Okay so there's no investments no retirement And does he have life insurance Nope Okay so what

i want you to do kimberly is the the the silver lining from a financial standpoint all of this is you you guys have no debt i mean you don't even have a mortgage so it's you're so that in and of itself is like that's a relief so what john was saying the four walls i want you to go and do a budget kimberly and i want you to stay on the line and we're going to give you Financial Peace University and Every Dollar Premium because I want you to start budgeting and I want you to know to the penny. No, I do have Every Dollar already.

Oh, you do? Okay. So to know what you... Thank God for that. That has been like saving my emotional... I'm so glad because I think if you have those numbers in front of you of the things you have to do, you have to keep the lights on, cell phone bill and your insurance um you know food gas in the car you have

all of that and that's what you're going to have to look at Kimberly and say okay I have to at least make this right when the time comes I have to I have to at least make this and then I would not encourage you to sell the house or even to put in a ton of repairs right now. I think you're fine. What I would do is... Thank God, I don't want to do that. Yeah, and I wouldn't unless your roof is linking or something, but like for now. And then, Kimberly, when the time comes, I want you to grieve.

I want you to go through that process and don't make a big financial decision until about six months to a year. And if in two years, three years, you decide to sell the home and downgrade, take some of the equity, you can do that. But don't feel like you have to make these big decisions today. Today, I just want your four walls covered between now and 18 months. I'm so sorry, though. I'm so sorry. That's the first hour in the books. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people with their money, with their work, and with their relationships.

This is a special Valentine's Day episode. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz. And we're taking your calls on just about anything, but especially if you've got a question about your marriage, about somebody you're dating, if you have a question about who's right, you or them, Rachel and I will solve it for you. 888-825-5225.

It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Los Angeles, California, and talk to Madison. Hey, Madison, what's up? Hi, my husband and I recently got married. We are debt-free and about to finish saving our six-month emergency fund. One of our goals is to own a home one day, and we want to start investing, but we don't really know where to start. We want to be good stewards of what the Lord has blessed us with.

What advice would you have for us? Should we even have the goal of owning a home right now? You want to buy a home in Los Angeles? We live about an hour outside of Los Angeles. That's cool. So not right in the city. So if you start saving now, you'll be ready in like 2068 probably? You know, give or take a month or two month or two how long have you guys been married

um we've been married for three months okay congratulations y'all are awesome congratulations how old are you guys um i'm 19 and my husband's 23 okay so great and debt-free fully funded emergency funds right around the corner how much you guys making a year um combined we make 98 000 a year 98 000 okay awesome and you're just renting right now yes okay so good um yeah i mean i think owning a home is is a great next step i mean john was joking that it's gonna yeah not really joking but kind of joking. It's more like 2050. I know, I know. Have you just priced out for the fun of it some houses around your area that you guys are like, oh, that would be a great spot to, you know, a great area or type of house?

Like, do you have any idea on price ranges? Yes, we've been looking a little bit. I don't know if we have like a price range right now, but I guess we were more wondering like investments or because we don't currently have any investments, you know, should we invest and save for a house at the same time? How should we do that? I don't know what practically does that look like?

Yeah. Well, I mean, number one, you guys are young. So I want you to take a little bit of this pressure off of any of this, right? You have time to do both. You have time to save for a house and time for investing. So just, yeah, I want you to just know, okay, we are way ahead of the game. So any of this path that you're going to take, you guys are going to be fine as long as you're consistent with it. So what I would probably do

Madison is I would Open up some retirement accounts Do you guys have 401k options at work? Does your employers match at all? Yes, my husband does Okay, and how much does his employer Match up to? Oh, I'm not sure

Okay, so I would find that out And then together, yeah, this is after You're about to fund your six-month emergency fund, so we'll just pretend like that's done. And then moving forward, yeah, I would invest 15% of your income into retirement because you're not super serious about buying a house right this second. If you guys had a house in mind and you were like, we have somewhat of a down payment, we want to save more, we have a goal in 12 months, we want to put this down. Like if you if it's very specific like that, then I would say you're totally fine holding off on investing. But it's just the idea of a house right now. So if you're

kind of just in that spot, I would go ahead and start funding some retirement for the calendar year. I would both of you guys open up Roth IRAs. And I would go ahead and fund 15% of your income into retirement and go ahead and just start that process. And then here in the next, I don't know, year, two years. I mean, again, it's not a rush to go in and buy a house. Renting is OK, especially since you guys are newly married. Putting any level of that on you is it's a lot. So, yeah, I would kind of look around and just kind of see, you know, where you guys want to be,

and maybe have it a goal by, you know, maybe next summer, we're going to start really saving for a down payment towards a house. I mean, I would give yourself about a year. And again, be looking at prices, be looking at air, you know, places around. But I would go ahead and make it a goal for this calendar year to fund retirement. And then come 2025. If you want to back off of that 15% a little bit in order to put more down towards it for a down payment, I would put no less than 5% down on a 15 year fixed rate with your payment being no more than 25% of your take home pay. It's kind of our formula that we go by. Sure. So run those numbers. And then in 2025, if you guys really start seeing, okay, that's the kind of house we want. This feels reasonable.

We can save up and do a 10%, 5%, 15% down payment. Take some extra money. And if you have to lower that 15% a little bit during that time, that's okay. But I wouldn't worry about a house this year. I don't know. For me, it's easier to see life in calendar year sometimes. So like just for you guys, you've been married three months.

Enjoy this year. Fund some retirements. And then in 2025, I would start looking and just say, okay. I mean, that's where you guys are in the process. But don't feel like you have to rush into anything. Perfect. Does that help? Well, thank you.

Yep, absolutely. Thanks for the call, Madison. Congratulations, Madison. You're way, way ahead of the game. That's fantastic. Let's go out to Naples, Florida and talk to Sandy. What's up, Sandy? Hi, John.

Hi, Rachel. How are you today? So good. What's up? Well, I have a head versus heart situation. I actually have two, but my main situation is I could be debt-free, but in a way, I don't want to give up what I'd have to give up to be that way. So I live in Naples, Florida. It's beautiful.

It's warm all year round relative to the Cleveland area where I came from. And I moved here on a job transfer. I've since left that company. But unfortunately, I was laid off in November of last year. Small severance, which has ended. I'm now living off of my savings. I've done okay. I'm single, 61.

And I imagine I'm going to stay single. I don't see that changing. But I bought my condo in 2017 for $169,000 and I owe $122,000 on it at a rate of $2.89. The only other debt I have is a car at 0% for 60 months. I owe $10,000 and I have that $10,000 tucked away in a savings earning four and a quarter. So my condo today is worth about $305,000. I could sell it myself. I have the knowledge and ability to do that. I could probably walk away with about $160,000.

And I would go back home to my Cleveland area. I could pay cash for a very modest home or condo there. Where do you want to be? You want to be in Naples? I want to be where it's warm. Yeah. How much do you have in retirement? So I have in savings, and again, that includes my $10,000 for the car. I have about $34,000. I have $71,000 in two brokerage accounts, and I have $387,000 in my 401k. Okay. And you imagine you'll be getting another job to bridge some time. Yeah, I don't want to do that. That's the other... Sandy, you got to get a job. Yeah, you got to get a job. Yeah, you got to get this paid off. I mean, I mean, you could even throw the 71 at it. Pay off the car today. Pay off the car today. And then,

and we're, you know, you may have, yeah, you're gonna have to go back for a little bit. Your retirement's great, your account there. But I would work to pay off that condo, but stay where you want to stay. Yeah, don't sell your condo. Get out of debt. Solve for freedom. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Hey, listen, if you are concerned about the economy

and you just see your neighbor pulling into your nice middle-class neighborhood in a car that you... How are you affording that? Why? Why? And you just wish people around you had the wisdom of this show. For no money, you don't have to send any money.

All you have to do is like or subscribe the show it puts the show up into the algorithms and it kicks it into the feeds of your neighbors into their podcast feeds into their youtube feeds it just sends the show everywhere and the more people who subscribe and like and i know it's a pain in the butt and i know it sometimes you have to log in it's worth it for everybody it puts the show in front of more people and so um for everybody it's a it's a it's a it just doesn't cost anything to help out your neighbor and share share the podcast though too i mean i get my crime podcasts that i listen to from friends even here at the office and we'll send each other podcasts that we love so if you love love it. Or if there's an episode you think,

ooh, my mom needs to hear this, send it to her. Or a buddy that, ah, this marriage sounds like yours. Send it to them. Be careful. And make sure to tell them that. Be careful with that. But yeah, that's right. Hey, let's go out to Honolulu and talk to the MAX.

What's up, Max? Hey, how you doing? Thank you for taking my call. You bet, man. How's Hawaii, Max? It's nice. It's nice. You're not Max Holloway, are you?

One of my heroes? No. All right. What's up? I was calling because something happened where my brother kind of holds a lot of anger towards me because he got fired from his job and I had to take it over. And I'm getting ready to move out now and I'm worried it's going to cause like more family disconnect. So I'm just trying to get some help like navigating the situation.

Is it a family business? It's like a financial and family thing. I mean, is it a business? No, it's somebody we know that he worked for. What is it? What kind of business is it? It's a pool cleaning job. I take home about 50 a year, so it's pretty good.

50 a year? And why did he get fired? He had gone on a trip for an extended leave, and I was covering it for him. And the boss at the end of it decided to fire him and offered me the job. Oh, man. So you did a better job? I don't know. It was just like he didn't like break a rule. You just out clean the pools. And the boss was like, I kind of want you instead.

There were some issues with him. And that was a part of it. I wasn't sure if my brother would even be let back after anyways. Okay. What is his beef with you? That you weren't ride or die? Forget these guys. Is that the beef? I think what happened was he's just

feeling like he lost out on a good opportunity. He did. He wasn't a good worker. He wants somebody to blame for it. And it's me. He wants to blame me for it instead of himself. All right. And I will, I'm okay with that. The main issue is his,

the money from the job helps, um, financially support my family. It comes from like a single mom household and I'm 19. I'm trying to move out and be on my own, which would mean that I wouldn't have the same amount of money for my mom anymore. And I'm worried that's going to create even more of a family disconnect. So I don't really know what to do.

What's your mom do? She's a cleaner. She works like two jobs cleaning. Okay. How much does she make? I'm not sure exactly. I think I went over it with her one time. Okay. How much difference does she need? Like how much are you covering the bills in the house? I'm contributing about, it was about $1,500 that I was paying off some debt on the water bill.

And then now it's like to about $1,300. I pay some of rent. I buy all of our food. And I cover the water. Does she have other struggles, Max? No. of rent. I buy all of our food and I cover the water. Does she have other struggles, Max? No, I mean, I think... Like with addiction or with mental health challenges? No, I don't. Sorry, what was that? I'm asking, does she have...

Not with addiction or mental health. Why have you become the caretaker of your, of your, of your mom? I think it's just, it's really expensive here and it's hard to afford to live out here if you aren't making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Exactly. And I have two, the main thing is that I, my mom, I think she'd be fine on her own, but I have two younger sisters, and that's where I feel weird leaving. I feel like I'm abandoning them. How old are they?

They're 11. They turned 11 yesterday. Is it at a point where you need to sit down with your mom and have a hard conversation about the financial realities? So I have about six months ago ago and i've been keeping up i told her six months ago i plan on moving out of march okay um and she hasn't really done any much action towards like figuring out another situation so i don't know like if i should just stay and keep helping so that we can stay they can stay in their house or if i should just go on and, you know, put my oxygen mask on before there's, you know, man.

I just feel like Max that, I mean, you've put yourself in a caretaker's role at 19. You know what I mean? For, and it's, and it's heroic, right. In one sense. I mean, you've really stepped up and helped your mom. But this will be your whole life unless something else changes. And I feel like that's unfair to you in your life, in your future family, to feel like you have to be the one to carry this burden. And I understand, obviously, why that is.

But long term, I just don't think it's fair for you to play this role. Yeah, I think I've come to a similar conclusion. I just feel like I'm like... Sure. Yeah, what do you do? Does your mom, like, lose the house with your two little sisters, right? Yeah. And then it's like, where do they go?

We have family here, and I'm sure they could move in with my grandparents or something. But hold on, hold on. Your mom also plays an integral part of this. If you told me, hey, my mom really struggles with addiction, and my mom struggles with some mental or emotional health disorders, then I would tell you, like, man, life handed you a mess. And it might be a season, right? It may be that you're going to stay at home for a few years

and see these young girls until they get older, right? That's not the case. Your mom's making some choices on a daily basis as to where she's going to work and how much money she's going to make and what she's going to ask of her 19-year-old son. And so you're making decisions for an adult, and that's not your job.

Your job is, unfortunately unfortunately you've been cast in the role to make sure your 11 year old little sisters have food and water which is never your job but here we are right and so man you're a you're a you're a man of noble character but i want you to hear what rachel's saying five years from now what would be better for you to have started pool cleaning and also Five years from now, what would be better? For you to have started pool cleaning and also gone to get a couple of community college classes on the side, and five years from now, you've got an associate's degree, and now you've got four employees of your own, and you're making $200,000? Or you're still making $50,000, this guy had to lay you off

because business got slow, and now you're making $35,000, and guy had to lay you off because business got slow and now you're making $35,000 and you're in the same bedroom in the same house except you're 24 years old. Like if you think on a, on a longer time horizon, what's the best thing you can do for your family? It might be to go spread your wings and fly. I think, I think so too. I think I just needed some like like I didn't even feel like I was crazy No you're not crazy You're going to feel guilty Because it sounds unkind It sounds like oh my gosh

I'm abandoning my family But what I want to relieve you of Is that was never supposed to be your role And like John said if there was like a dire situation Of something That's another conversation But yeah i mean like it's it's it's a it's a grown-up problem that your mom who has two daughters at home should be the one calling the show and saying i can't pay my bills what do i need what can i do um and looking at her budget and all of that and

i think you can help guide that max but you can't even change the way she handles money either because you don't have that ability. We don't have the ability to change people. Here's where I think you can get some peace in this transaction, okay? Number one, you're going to feel guilty. Just know that's coming, okay? You may have heard me say this on the show.

Choose guilt over resentment every time. If you just stay there and wither, you're going to resent your mom and that's not fair to her. So choose guilt. The second thing is come up with a number and sit down and tell your mom for six months, I'm going to send a thousand dollars home. I'm going to send $750 home and make sure that everybody's clear on when this money is coming and give her a ramp. You'll sleep a little better

at night, I think. And it's going to be not just a cutoff, but it will be a peaceful departure. I'm sorry, my brother. Let us know if we can help. Thank you. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Our question of the day is brought to you by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Nothing can ruin your Valentine's Day faster than a plumbing emergency. Honey, I flushed and it didn't go down.

Wow. Talk about ruining Valentine's Day. For over 50 years, Mr. Roer Plumbing has been helping homeowners with upfront pricing and the most stress-free plumbing experience possible. You know who a hero without a cape is? A plumber. A guy who shows up on Valentine's and there's a clogged toilet

and he just, he winks at the door and he goes, I got you. You called Neighborly, didn't you? And we're like, yes. Thank you. He saves the day. Go to Neighborly.com slash ramsay to find a locally owned mr rooter plumbing if and when it goes sideways today's question comes from ella in minnesota umbrella what's up my boyfriend of 12 years listens to you all the time we have three daughters together but he doesn't want to get married as he doesn't want us

to pay for a wedding or risk paying alimony if we ever split up. He thinks this is in line with the baby steps theory. What do you think? I don't think we've ever said that. This is the greatest question ever. I like that she blames it on the baby steps. And that the baby steps are just a theory. He thinks that.

I think Dave just, his head exploded in the other country where he thinks that oh i think dave just um his head exploded in the other country where he is right now i think he just like he was like i got a bad headache because somebody called the baby steps a theory i love it um uh ella you need to um we all are basically married you're playing married 12 years together kids together your boyfriend is a child and y'all need to have a hard conversation because this ends um unfortunately this ends in a pretty gnarly way he is married to you he lives with you y'all have three kids y'all have created humans together and he's holding on to this no no dude no we're just dating just dating dude

because uh i don't want to pay if it by the way he would pay alimony there's a thing called common law marriage and i don't know what the rules are in minnesota but he's gonna pay you can't just have three kids and be like no bro i'm out no dude no i found somebody else at the bowling alley wherever this dude hangs out um so yeah i i don't think this has anything to do with the baby steps. I think this has to do with, um, a man who is playing some kind of weird vocabulary gymnastics in his mind and pretending he's not married, but he really is. Yep. Yeah. It just, it feels like a level of immaturity to me because I'm like, okay, pay for a wedding.

You don't really even have to do a wedding. Let's just be honest. Like you're right. Go to the JP. Like you're fine. Get done with it. Uh, it's more the alimony or whatever it is, to john's point yeah you're gonna pay marriage yeah and um no and in the baby steps we would tell you like get married yes for multiple reasons but get married

and so there's not a particular marriage baby step in the baby steps theory but uh yeah we would recommend that you get married before you start having kids and buy a house together because as this man did wisely point out it makes things real complicated financially if you don't have a plan and there's not business protections on the back end. Yep that's right.

Oh boy Ella Umbrella you need to sit down and say we're getting married or else. Let's go out to Detroit Rock City and talk to Andrew. What's up, Andrew? How we doing? Hey, guys.

Thanks for taking my call today. You got it, man. Thanks for calling. What's up? So, I guess long story short, my wife was diagnosed with cancer back in July. Oh, man. Sorry. Because of that happening, I started going through mental health stuff on my own.

Basically had kind of what is a manic episode and maxed out all my credit cards, not really caring what happened. And now I am stuck with regret and $15,000 in credit card debt. What kind of cancer, man? It was ovarian cancer. So due to that, we're not able to have natural kids anymore. So we're looking at adoption and me being $15 15 000 in debt doesn't help with paying for adoption yeah but but let's let's do this all in order um you're as a family y'all got hit in the mouth right yep how old are you

guys uh we're both 25 i'm about to be 26 and go in for, hey, we want to start a family, and y'all had a big, exciting time, and y'all planned it out, and then you started trying to have a family, and then she went to the OB-GYN and found this out? Is that how that happened? Exactly. That's exactly how it happened. Okay.

So you have to stop right there for a minute and just grieve this. Everything in your life is different now. The debt, we'll get to the debt, but we have to own this part. Now, did she have surgery and she's clear? Yeah, so we just found out a couple weeks ago the PET scan came back good. Yes. So now she's just got to keep up with scans. Excellent.

I'm thankful for that. So you may have had what some would classify as a manic episode or however you want to diagnose it. Here's what I want to give you. I want to give you another picture to that. Okay. What if your body is just working perfectly?

What if it just went on the, it just went into hyperdrive for a minute and you did some dumb things and now the smoke is clearing and we're back. Yep. Right. Yeah. and now the smoke is clearing and we're back yep right yeah so let's don't carry regret moving forward let's just pay this stupid 15k off and move on you see what i'm saying like and i'm minimizing it on purpose you did something dumb yeah you did okay cool let's solve this problem and move on this problem doesn't define you that moment of cancer doesn't define your wife or your family y'all had these dreams of biological kids it's it's not going to happen so cool we're going to go down the adoption see what i'm saying like we're just going to look at the next thing in front of us i'm not going to carry old cinder blocks with me i'm just not going to do it man life's too heavy moving forward to carry old crap with us yep how does that sound does that sound cheesy

and lame are you are you hearing what i'm saying no i'm good i'm getting it i'm hearing what you're saying that's awesome yeah because there's a level of um what john's saying that yeah what what you've done in the past it doesn't have to define you andrew and the thing is in one instance i'm like you know there is light because it's not like oh gosh i've struggled with overspending for the last three years and now i've realized i have to face it it came at a point of crisis and a point of pain and that's how you chose to cope and to keep yourself alive in that situation right i mean like yeah your body said numb numb numb and you're like all right yeah i just did it this way right and yeah and it wasn't you know the best thing ever no but you

may not have had the tools to do otherwise. So this is where we're at. And so I think kind of just setting all that down and saying, okay, how do we move forward now? How much do you guys make Andrew a year? Well, she wasn't working throughout the whole thing. So I was bringing in about $45,000 a year. Okay. She's getting ready to go back to work and she brings in around $60,000.

Okay, great. What do you do for a living? I'm a mechanic. Okay, awesome. And what other debt do you guys have? We own a house. I think that's like 160. Okay.

And then she's got some student loans from nursing school. How much are those? I want to say around 90,000.'m not positive though okay yeah well i want you guys to get on the same page on how much you guys owe total and was there anything with the credit cards that you bought that you're like hey i could just turn around and sell a bunch of this stuff or return it um yeah we kind of went down this route i've already basically sold everything that i could okay yeah i mean i think when i began paying some of them off but okay um so yeah and how many cards total was it three four it was like i think it was four or five four or five okay to the point like all the payments are just like piling up yep yep okay so what i would do andrew's i would split all of

those up into four to five payments like whatever each card is look at that and and and line them up smallest to largest and throw her student loan debt in there too and this is your family's snowball that snowball this is what we're going to pay off and have it all together and then you guys sit down together and you know and andrew I think that there is something, I don't know if this is healthy or unhealthy, so John can correct me. But if I'm your wife, and you know, we and just walk through all of that, you're grieving the fact that you're not going to be a mom. Now there's a little bit of that financial burden that's there of the 15,000 extra in debt. If I were in her shoes, and you came to the table with a plan and said, OK, here's

here's a sample budget. We're going to do this together. But like, I just ran some quick numbers. We could save this per month. We could be out of debt next amount. And I and I'm going to work extra. I'm going to put in an extra three nights, two nights, Saturday per month. That's going to bring in this much more so we can get out of debt this much faster.

Like there's something about the proactiveness, Andrew, in you to run some numbers, look at it, and come to her with a plan. Not a finished plan, but this is what we're going to do. You're not going to tell her this is what we're going to do, but you're going to say, here's an idea of kind of where we're at. I want your feedback. But seeing the proactiveness from you, I think she will give her a level of safety that you want out as bad as you're saying with a plan. Hang on the line. We're going to send you every dollar app for a year on us, the premium version, and

we're going to hook you up with FPU. This is the Ramsey Show. Welcome back. 888-825- 5-225. It's 888-825-5-225's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Fresno, California and talk to Jason. Hey, Jason, what's up, man? Hey, I'm just basically just looking to see if you guys think that I'm in a position to be able to buy a new car or a new-to-me car.

I know that's not usually a good thing to be doing, but I just feel like I'm kind of in a position in my life where I can do that. And I'm wondering if you guys think so too, or I guess, you know, how much is enough when you're wealth building at some point, do you go get something that you enjoy because, you know, life's short. I just. Yeah. No, I think it's great. And we love cars around here. I feel like people think we just like hate cars and tell people sell cars all the time which we do because usually people can't afford them but we have a good car so we're not mad at cars so what's your what's your situation do you have any debt i do i have about 140 000 with the debt on a rental property but it does cash flow but it is cashflow positive every month. And the interest rate is so

low on it that I bought it luckily in 2020 when interest rates were super low. And I just feel like I've had some advisors in my life that have said this. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, totally. Uh, how much do you make a year? Uh, right around 400 grand a year. jason what do you do uh so this is going to be a a weird one but i actually race cars for a living and that's another question that i had because it's such a high risk occupation um if it's not a good idea because of that as well because at any moment i could get hurt or something crazy could happen with that. Yeah, I mean, I know there's like a Netflix documentary about like Formula One racing. I don't know much about racing.

Okay, so can I just like ask, I'm just curious, is it like sponsorship deals that you get? Do you win races and there's cash prizes? Like how are you making $400 doing this? Correct. Yeah, your second guess there is exactly how it works. Okay, okay. Very cool. That's awesome. How old are you making 400 doing this correct yeah your second your second guess there is exactly how it works okay okay very cool that's awesome how old are you i'm 27 27 okay that's great jason um do you have a primary residence that's paid off i do yeah i do yeah so you have

no other debt other than this one rental property yeah i have another rental property that's paid off as well okay good for you yeah i mean i would make it a goal to to pay this rental off as soon as possible i mean i think having just paid off properties you know to your name is amazing um so i would work to to pay this off i mean i'm okay if you keep it just because of your income is so great. So what kind of car are you looking at? Or what price range? I want to get a, the price range is probably like right around 50 grand, which I've got the money saved up.

Like I wouldn't have to, I wouldn't necessarily have to finance or anything like that. I do, you know, yearly contribute to a 401k and that's gotten built up fairly decent now. So I feel like I'm in a good place, but I'm always so nervous because I feel like my income could fluctuate depending on circumstances of, like I said before. And on top of that,

it's like, I just never know, like it wins enough enough. I drive a, you know, basically the car I bought after I graduated from high school. It was a rental car. I bought it for $15,000, and I paid cash for that. But I just— Dude, you're awesome, Jason. Yeah. How much money do you have just saved? Maybe just in a high-yield savings or something.

Yeah, so I did it in a high-yield savings, and that's part of the reason why I'm debating on doing this or not because I don't want to take it out of there necessarily but like I said life's short I've seen friends of mine crash in accidents and not be here anymore so it's like but I've probably got about a hundred and right around 185 grand saved up I think you can buy this car Jason our here's our rule of thumb. Our rule of thumb is if you have a net worth of a million dollars and you're about there. Well, and that's a brand new car. Is this a brand new car, the 50,000? I mean, so if I bought a brand new, it'd probably be about

50 to 60 grand. I could probably get a used one for 45K, 40K, but I want something that's newly used. Like i wouldn't want like a demo vehicle or something like that i'm just i'm not interested like if i if i buy this vehicle it's not going to be one that i'm going to go get another one in two years like i'm going to keep it until the wheels fall off or at least until it's really old um so i just feel like if i want to i want to go get something that i want if i'm going to get it no i hear you jason go get a car go get a car and. And pay your rental house off. Yeah.

Live on 200 and pay it off this year. Here's your greatest hedge against something coming. And by the way, you bring up a great point, brother. And I just want to hit this. You make $400,000 a year racing cars. And people are going to look at you and you think this, like, man, I'm in a job that anything can happen to any day and i'm out of a job that's true and there are people who go to four hundred thousand dollar a year jobs at their hospital or at their law firm and they think i'm in a secure

job they're not and we know this because we talk to them all the time where the the hospital lays them off or they have to go on furlough or the law firm downsizes or whatever's going on. And so I think there's this illusion, Jason, that everybody, there's some jobs that are super stable and some that just are kind of fly by night. Everybody needs to look at their risk portfolio and say, hey, am I just hanging out in the wind? And if you don't owe anybody any money and then you can't race anymore, awesome. You'll have two paid off rental houses plus your property plus a nice $50,000 car that you can drive for the next 10 years. Bro, you're set up.

You could go work at a grocery store for the rest of your life and you'd be all right. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, that's true. I just always get nervous. I watch my parents grow up and struggle at times. And I just never want to be – I'm only only 27 I'm probably going to get engaged pretty soon and I just I I'm always in this constant battle in my head of do I go spend money and go get a car or do I have you know do I keep building well to the point where you know I never have to worry about money

and my kids are going to be okay forever and I I'm just, yeah. What I would say, yeah. And what I would say to you, Jason, is you can do both of those things, right? You can do both. You don't have to pick one.

And, and I think understanding that giving needs to be a part of your plan too. You need to be saving, which you're really great at, and you need to enjoy some of this, right? You're working hard for it and risking your life, literally driving this car.

So be, you know, those three things have to be part of your plan. I want you to be giving some. I want you to, the saving is there. And go and spend and enjoy. And I think that this is one of those things that you have to build into your rhythm to know that you're going to be okay. You can spend some money and you're going to be okay you can spend some money and you're going to be okay and the amount of savings with the rentals and um and yeah and what you have in your income yeah your income your retirement all of it yeah dude just so you know from where we're sitting the fact that you make 400 grand a year and you have a paid for house and you've come up with

the number of about $50,000. That tells me that you're being super, super wise because that's just a small percentage of your income, and you got cash that you've been saving up and saving up and saving up. And most of the time on this show, we have people who call in and they make 28.5, and they have a $50,000 truck, right? Yeah.

And so that's not you. You're a wise kid. The only thing I would tell you is I know you got a killer interest rate. It's amazing. And everybody around you is like, bro, you should invest the gap and then you can take home 7%. You're the one that goes to bed at night knowing, hey, this could all go away tomorrow and I still have a house note over there.

Yeah, yeah, right. So just get rid of the house note yeah okay solve for peace you've been solving to survive for a long time because you watch how your parents live you've done that you've solved to survive now let's start solving for freedom let's solve for peace i'm not going to owe nobody anything because i'm freaking jason i'm a race car driver right you see like it just sounds cooler right yeah yeah yeah i appreciate that i'm proud of you brother that's so good man that's awesome congratulations well done yeah thank you very much i appreciate the advice too and that was going to be my next question about the rental

property and yeah it makes total sense if i'm you i pay that off today and i go buy a car this weekend yeah those are your two goals and then you can just drive around town in your new car looking around and wondering um how many other people who are 27 at the stoplight next to you have three paid for houses and i'm gonna tell you very very few of them very few of them man wow so great it's amazing i know that is so so impressive yeah and even you know with the rental conversation always remember people it is it's a it's a part-time job it's so great. It's amazing. I know. That is so, so impressive. Yeah. And even with the rental conversation, I always remember people, it's a part-time job.

It's a great investment when you get to that point of Baby Step 7 to diversify and have some other things you're investing in. Investing in real estate is a great one, but just do it with cash and do it slowly. But Jason's in a great position to be able to completely pay it off. That's another hour in the books

right here on The Ramsey Show. Stay tuned. We'll be back soon. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show where we help people with their money. We help people build wealth, do work they love, and create incredible relationships. I'm John Deloney joined by my friend Rachel Cruz

on a special Valentine's Day edition of The Ramsey Show. We're taking your calls on money, life, work, marriage, all of it. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. And real quick, before we go to the phones, join us in Nashville for our brand new Total Money Makeover weekend on May 10th and 11th. It's an entire awesome weekend. There's millions of you out there who've been listening for a while and you're still sitting on the sidelines. No more sitting around.

Some of y'all found us on YouTube and you've just been binging the show. It's time to come experience this whole thing live. It's time to take action. In just one weekend, you're going to get a crash course on everything we teach about money. You'll hear all brand new stuff from Ramsey personalities on budgeting,

beating debt, investing, and more. No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt to keep progress on making your goals. There's a fire under your butt. That's such a Dave line. It's going to light a fire under your butt. I progress on making your goals. There's a fire under your butt. That's such a Dave line. Let's go light a fire under your butt. I think Dave wrote that copy.

There's going to be live Q&As all throughout the weekend, so bring your questions, and there's something different about our events. They're actually fun. We have a blast. You'll have a blast. Early bird tickets are just $99, but they're only for a limited time.

If you want to get the best deal on tickets, this will be it. And the Ramsey Event Center only holds 2,400 people and people will come from all over the planet. So there's limited seats, so you don't want to wait

to get your tickets. Get your tickets now at ramsesolutions.com slash events. Light a fire under your butt. I think you made that up. I didn't even see it. No, it's in there.

Look at this. No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt. I think you made that up. I didn't even see it. No, it's in there. Look at this. No matter what baby step you're on, this event will light a fire under your butt. Fantastic. My booty. I need some Preparation 8. Let's go out to San Antonio, Texas and talk to Keith. Hey, Keith, what's up? Hey, good afternoon to you, too. I'm calling because I'm having a hard time trying to figure

out how to get my wife actually gazelle intense and not ish. Okay. How have you tried? Is she there, Keith, by chance? No, not at all. Oh, man oh man I was like this would be a fun

convo I want to hear her opinions on you Keith just kidding well a little bit of what's going on is right now I'm in between going from my primary job to my to my side hustle

and I've pretty much my side hustle. I've pretty much let her do everything financially as far as paying the bills and everything else. I rake in as much money as I can. Hey, Keith. Hey, Keith. Hey, Keith. Do me a favor.

Talk directly into your phone, brother. I thought I would. I am. All right. There you go. It was just all mumbled. Yeah. All right. So she's been doing all the money stuff?

Yeah, she's been handling the paying the bills and everything. And I do commend her. She does keep up with everything. I mean, we are not late on anything, and things are getting paid, no problem. Where I'm having a hard time is I'm putting in minimum 60 hours a week between my main job and the side hustle, and she just has her one job and that's it. Between the two of us, our net take- home pay is $100 to $110 a year

and $78 of that is just from me and it's just real hard when Does she take care of the house? Yeah and that's why

I'm also having a hard time. Have you guys sat down and done a budget together, Keith, and said, hey, here's how much we make as a household every month, and here is what we're going to agree on of like, hey, yep, we both feel good about this, that this is where the money's going. Have you all done that? Well, for the longest time we've had a budget. We've got a crazy detailed Excel spreadsheet

we've done. But that's not the problem here. The problem here is that you don't think she's pulling as much weight as you and you're starting to resent her. Why? Well, it's not so much that she's not pulling as much weight. It's that she's not fully committed to getting the debt gotten rid of. That's why I was asking, though, Keith, have you guys sat down together and said, okay, here is exactly where our money's going, and we're going to agree this much money extra is going to pay off debt. We have in the past, but then things slap us in the face, known as life, and we fall off of our baby steps and then next thing you know, we're just back into the normal

people life. Okay, but in that answer, you said we, so that sounds like both of you. But on the other time you're telling me it's her that keeps doing this. Well, no. For like, I don't know, the last six months I've been trying is where I'm at right now.

Okay. And I don't think she's gotten out of the last funk we had yet. How much debt do you have, man? Without our mortgage, it's about $73,000. Okay. And what is it?

What's all the debt? The biggest two are credit cards. One that's in her name, one that's in my name. How much are on those? $52,000. Oh, my gosh. What did y'all get? What did you buy?

They're credit cards that we've had for a while, and it's whether it be her van needing a new engine, my truck needing an engine rebuild, or rear end replaced. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to just call a little bit of a flag here. And I think it's both of your issues, Keith. I mean, you may be putting in more hours.

I'm not going to argue that at all. Okay. Okay. So, yes, I think it gets to a point, Keith, that you both have to sit down and say, we're done with this. Like, we're cutting up the credit cards debt's not an option anymore if something happens to the car we're down to a one-car family like like I mean you get to this point that you're just like I we are done we are done with the playing this game we are just normal with $52,000 in credit card debt right I'm

like there gets to a point that you just have to say we can't keep living like this. And when you come together, you just cut mine up. OK. Yeah. Well, I thought I had I thought I had some charges on there. And I called the bank and said. Cancel the card, kill the kill. Yeah. Then y'all need to y'all need to have a sweet, romantic Valentine's night tonight where you both sit down and let it out. And honestly, and tell her where you're at. Like tell her not just this is what I want to do, but it's like, man, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I feel like I'm working so much and I don't feel progress, not a blame on her, but of the habits you guys have created together as a family. And it's, and it's this point of how are you feeling about that? i mean what where's the fear in it where's the you're scared i mean like you guys talk about where

you're at in life because this isn't working she knows it's not working and you guys get into these ruts at different times and suddenly you're out of the rut she's still in it but it goes back and forth is what it seems like and it's kind of like hey let's let's paint a picture for our future and what we want together that needs to be the conversation tonight, Keith. Welcome back. And guess what? Money and Marriage Getaway is back this fall, October 24th through 26th. Me and Rachel are going to be hosting. We're running it back. The Money and Marriage weekend that was such a hit. We are running it back, and we are super excited. Platinum tickets are gone. They created some VIP tickets.

They had to move some tables around because those were gone too, but they've added a few more. And RamseySolutions.com slash events, one of the key parts of the Money Marriage event. And by the way, a couple of a couple of couples showed up and they were engaged they're about to be married and then there were also a number of couples who were new empty nesters there's a couple of couples who'd been married for decades and everybody in between so if you're like ah we're too old or we're too young or we're about to get married or we're really struggling, there was a couple of couples that found out some really gnarly things about their marriage on the way to the event

and almost turned around and went home. So it's for everybody. Everybody, wherever you are, whatever stage you're in. But a cornerstone is the Q&A, is people coming and saying, okay, what about our family? And it's cool to watch all these couples lift each other up and to be like, ooh, yeah, that is crazy. And Rachel and I talk about our personal families,

but we get a bunch of questions. We didn't answer all of them last year. And so we've got a few that are left here. So Rachel, I'm going to pose one of the questions that an attendee asked last year that we didn't answer live. All right, here we go. My husband and I share bank accounts and Amazon accounts.

Do you have any tricks or tips to buy gifts for your spouse and keep it a surprise? Yes. How do you trick Winston? People are always like, we need separate accounts because we got to buy gifts. I'm like, oh my gosh. Okay, so first, very easy.

If there is a celebration coming up, a birthday, Christmas, you know you're going to be buying each other gifts. So go get a Visa gift card and go buy the gift. They won't know where it's from, but they know you're going to be spending money. So that's one way. And then if you wanted an absolute complete surprise, which Winston did on our anniversary this year, he actually had a friend buy it and then paid them back. You know,

it was like, yeah, here's the money. And I'll just Venmo you the day, you know, I give her the gift. So multiple times over my marriage, my friend Todd and my friend John has bought a thing that I sent them and

shipped to their house. Totally. And they hold it for me. Yep. That's right. That's right. Yep. I did that for my mom for a concert tickets to surprise him yeah and my mom got him and then my wife and i do a

crazy thing um and it's it here's how it goes my wife will say hey it's your birthday i just ordered something don't look yeah and i'll go okay just because um i know we're crazy but we're adults but she'll say like hey there's a package coming don't open it and i'll go that's right okay and then we yes yes yes we've done that too i know so it's pretty easy to solve how do we do it i hear people be like we don't want same accounts because if we want to surprise each other, I'm like, oh my gosh. To live a full life together. America. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, to the Utes

and talk to Brother Ryan. Hey, Ryan, what's up? What's up, Ryan? Hey, how are you? Are you okay? Are you cool, man? That's my one-year-old baby. Sounds like you have a fire lit under your butt. What's up, man?

Speaking of, yes. Oh, my gosh. So great. She chose right. She heard you guys. My question is, for my family's happiness, and we can get into that, what is the math that would make sense to justify us moving to California? You're going to California.

I know, everyone's going to California. I was like, that's not living this way. You're like a steelhead. You're like a salmon swimming upstream, buddy. Okay, so what's the situation? Is it family? What is it that's in California? I mean, upstream, buddy. Okay, so what's the situation? Is it family? What is it that's in California? I mean our love story.

I met my wife there. We moved to Utah. I got a job. We bought a house when it was cheap in Utah. Wait, sorry, what? Go ahead, go ahead. Okay, and we bought it for real cheap, and then now it's worth a lot. So can sorry, what? Go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. And we bought it for real cheap and then now it's worth a lot. So can we move back? Um, is I guess the question, because we have a ton

of equity in the house and we spent four years there during grad school together and it was the happiest time of our life. And my wife said, please not on my grave. I do not want to move back to Utah. It's not the right place for us. And, you know, we moved back here after grad school because we thought it'd be smart financially and we've been dying to get out since, but everyone's telling us, don't do it. Don't go to California. You've got such a low, you know, mortgage payment on your house. Here's the thing. Other people don't get a vote. We don't feel happier. Other people don't get a vote, number one. Number two, it's like a counseling 101 principle

that wherever you go, wherever you end up, you go with you. And so if your marriage is unhappy in Salt Lake City, it's going to be unhappy in Los Angeles. It's not the marriage, actually. I'm really fortunate to say that we are still madly in love 11 years later, five kids later. Then, yeah, my wife and I needed to move from where we were. And we picked a couple of places across the country and I applied for jobs

and Nashville was at the very top of our list and it's transformed our lives. So yeah, I mean, geography plays a big role, but my wife and I moved with a bunch of problems in our marriage and those didn't go away. We still had to sit down and overhaul the thing. Yeah. So how much do you say your house was, how much you could sell your house for in Salt Lake equity wise? What would you walk away with? We think equity wise, we'd

walk away at about 700K. Okay. And how much do you guys make a year? It's just me, 156 base and 10 to 15 bonus. Does that job go with you to Los Angeles? Yes, it would. And we've been looking actually in three different counties and actually not Los Angeles County. Okay. Yeah, and have you guys, yeah, I mean, you've priced it out. And I would kind of just get an idea, standard of living of, hey, this is how much, if you can, you know, groceries, but I kind of just do a rough budget. Because here's what I don't want Ryan to happen is you move from Salt Lake to a more expensive area. And I'm not just talking California, this could be anywhere, right? You put yourself in a more expensive area. And you get down the road a year, and you guys have no margin in your budget and you're

just like oh my gosh that money stress starts to wither on this romanticized dream of what we always wanted and reality sets in now you guys may be in a great i mean i would i would run the numbers and if you guys feel comfortable and seven hundred thousand dollars is a great that's great equity to be you know moving somewhere that's at least five percent down on the north county home yeah right i'm just but for real though ryan i want you to i want you guys to be grown-ups in that sense to actually run the numbers and say yeah we we will be comfortable and we will we'll thrive right in this and that's great and that's great but i i do kind of piggyback on what John said that, you know, we can build something up sometimes in our minds and the way it plays out isn't always, you know, what we had hoped

and dreamed that this thing would give us, right? So just remember that. But also, I think that on the other side of the coin, sometimes moves are needed. And if you guys are not happy in Salt Lake, you know, yeah, find somewhere else in another city that you guys want to be. Yeah. I mean, we, you know, a little context, we grew up Mormon and now we're just Christian and we're like second class

citizens here, you know, and we're used to, we're used to the sun. And so we're stuck inside with our five kids five months. Maybe it's time to go. I would also remember this. Sometimes loved ones, when we say, hey, we're going to leave, they give us advice and wisdom to stay, and they find a bunch of reasons to stay. Here's what they're really saying.

I love you, and I'm really going to miss you. And I think it's important to acknowledge that and internalize that. I had a buddy that just kept saying like, man, if you move to Tennessee, this and this and this. And finally he was just like, bro, I just don't want you to go. And so I love the sentiment.

I loved that he loved me that much. And the best thing for me and my family was to go. But that doesn't- And the sun is other places was to go. But that doesn't give you an... And the sun is other places too. Yeah, but it doesn't give you a pass on math. And so to hear you say, no, we've got 700 grand. We're thinking this through.

Man, I say go for it. I say absolutely go for it, brother. Good on you. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz, taking your calls on money, work, life, relationships, your marriage, all of it.

888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Green Bay, Wisconsin, and talk to the J.I.M. What's up, Jim? Hey, guys. Can you hear me fine? Doing great, brother. What's up? Hey, before we start, nice to meet you guys.

Your show has been a friend of me over the years, and thank you. Well, you're a friend to us, man. We're grateful for you. All righty. Do you want the question first or kind of the situation that leads up to it? You are driving this truck, brother. You just go however you want to.

All righty. Well, I'll just start with the back story here then. So ever since I started earning money, the culture I grew up in, the kids give all their money to the parents till you're 21. Um, so I've been in that system earning money for the family and the farm. My dad was a severe alcoholic. I had to ask him to leave when I was 19. And three of my sisters younger than me were still at home. So I provided for them. They worked too. You know, we all kind

of pulled the money and paid the payments and all of that. Um, and I stayed, I got married through that time. All, all the sisters, they married and moved out. And I'm the last one home with my mother. How old are you? Oh, right now I'm 36. Okay. So I've been married for, this is my 10th year to a wonderful woman. I got six kids. I've been supposed to have been getting the property, but there was just kind of a loose agreement. Um, I'm ashamed to say I just never pushed it like to get a contract or something. Um, so we had been paying the mortgage for the first four years of marriage and helping out with some other odds and ends. And my mother needed a new house.

So during this time, about five years ago, I co-signed a mortgage. We got a small loan, and I built a house that she could afford, but it still needs work done because we went as far as we could with the money, and she moved in. And then I hit a breaking point there. Um, just couldn't keep up with all the work. But through all this time, I was also helping my dad sober off multiple times and all of that, but I hit a breaking point and I told my mom that I can, you know, I did all the labor for free and I donated a lot of material.

I told her I can either donate time or, or I can pay you fair rent one or the other. I can't keep doing what I'm doing. And I asked for a contract just for rent because every time I tried to push for an agreement, I know as far as future, you know, buying the property, I keep getting put off. So it's like, you know, fine. I need some kind of contract, something for my family here and no contract. She just demands that I pay a certain amount. Jim, it's time to go. Okay. It's time to go. You have six kids and they're watching their dad drown. It's time. Thank you, sir.

Your mother is trying to play both sides of the fence here. And I get the cultural aspect up and through 21, and I also get that you were put into a father role because your father was struggling mightily. And you took care of your little sisters. You took care of your mom. You're a a noble man and you've continued to do that but right now as a 36 year old man with six kids and a wife of a decade going on decade number two your mom is playing both sides of the fence she wants to play mom when it's convenient and works

out for her which is hey son will you come do a bunch of stuff for your sweet old mom? And you're a good son. You say yes. And then when it conveniences her, she wants to play landlord, which is give me my freaking money, man. And that toggle back and forth is killing you. And it's time to not do business with her. Just have her be your mom. And if she doesn't want to be your mom unless she's controlling your business, then that's a choice that she makes. Yeah. But you're going to lose your mom over bad business,

and it's time to preserve your relationship with your mother and walk away, get your own place. Yes, sir. Okay. And you're going to look back and go, look at all the equity I lost. Look at all the time. Don't do any of that crap. All that kept you afloat to today. We're just going to say, that was a rough season, man.

And here we are. And at 36 years old, you're almost starting from scratch. You're going to build a legacy and you're going to change your family tree. And your kids, all six of them, are never going to experience what you went through, right? Hell no. There you go. This is what you went through, right? Hell no. There you go. This is what changing your family tree looks like right here. It's time to move out.

Well, thank you, sir. I really appreciate it. Does that give you peace? It helps. Yes, sir. It helps a lot because I needed an outsider's opinion because the only people that I've asked are connected to the situation. It's too muddied. Yeah, it's too muddied.

Yeah, it's a mess. They want me to stay there so that they don't have to deal with the situation. That's right. And I think it's time to take your brothers and sisters and say, I am handing this baton to you. I've done it for 36 years. It's time for you all to step in. And by the way, your dad, you can love him. It's not your job to sober him up. In fact, you can't sober him up. Only he can. You can walk with him. You

can love him, but don't give him any money. I agree with you there, but I'm, I was trying that for a period, but he got tired to the last time that I did it, and he moved somewhere where I can't pester him. I've let him go. I've let that part go, but the other part of this is he's still legally married to my mother. Cool. Then he can deal with his legal obligations. Yeah, it says, Jim, for you guys, what does it realistically look like? Because the home you're living in was your mom's old home. Is that right? Was I following that correctly?

No, I built my own house. I pay taxes on it and everything, and I still have to pay rent for it. Because your mom is on the mortgage? Or the house you built for your mom is the one she's living in? No, no. I built a little shed that I live in. Okay. And then I built her a new house that she's living in.

And the old house is junk. Okay. It's rotten. Where do your six kids live? Oh, they live with me and my wife. We're in our little shack. We're comfortable. We don't need a whole lot.

Jim, what do you do for a living, brother? I'm a construction worker, and I was growing the farm business at home. So I'm not a construction worker. I have my own construction business. How much do you make a year? What's that? How much do you make a year? Well, the last two years, my take-home pay that I paid myself as a business was $32,000,

but I've made some big changes, and I'm expecting that to double in the next couple years at the least. Good for you. Good for you. Hey, Jim, I want it to triple. Well, that's right. You work too hard, and you're too good at what you do, and you care too much. Those are three great traits for a leader. Well, thank you, sir. Okay.

But you're going to have to scratch and claw, but I don't want y'all living in a shack. I want you to get your family a home. Yes, sir. That's my plan. You guys, you're confirming what was in my mind. I just, I wanted to, like I said, hear that outsider's perspective.

Just make sure I'm not, you know. You're not crazy. What? You're not crazy. You may be around some crazy, but you're not the crazy one. Jim. That's the feedback I've been getting.

I want to give you step one of your healing adventure, okay? Yep. It's Valentine's Day today. Yes, sir. I want you to take your wife out just y'all two no kids i want you to figure that out no kids she doesn't get the babysitter you do and it might be you're one of your olders one of your older siblings but one of your older kids but listen i want you to take her out i want you to look at her across the table in a restaurant and say for the last decade you have watched me put everybody else first. That ends now.

From this point forward, you're my wife, and I put you first. And we're going to make this thing right. You're a good man, dude. It's time to focus that energy on your wife and your six kids and give them a home. We'll be right back. This is the Ramsey Show. Today's scripture of the day is Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls down and has no one to help them up. Catherine Hepburn says, love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with

what you are expecting to give, which is everything. Speaking of this Ecclesiastes verse, where if one falls down, one can help them up. That's James. James Childs. I fall down at this job a lot, and James picks me up, man. Trying to get bonus points from our producer. I love you, John. Well, I appreciate you following.

You live this scripture out. It breathes in you. I'm honored to know you, man. It's awesome. Let's go out to Syles in you i'm i'm i'm honored to know you man it's awesome let's go out to sylvia in minneapolis minnesota which is a word that he worked with me on for a long time what's up sylvia not much everybody else calls it minneapolis i used to always call it minneapolis and then one day james came in and was like, you have to learn how to speak and read. And so it's Minneapolis. What's up, Sylvia?

Yes. So I have accrued about, I think, what, $35,000 in debt. And I am 31. So I really want to start working that number down so that I'm not on a paycheck to paycheck budget or just being stressed out about finances all the time. Yep. Totally fair. What's the 30k in? What kind of debt? So 12 or 13,000 is in a car that I have right now. I pay $380 on a payment monthly. Also, I have student loan debt. I think they are about, I don't know, roughly about $18 of it. Okay. And I've got about $3,000 or $4,000 in credit card debt. Okay. How much do you make a year? $40,000 roughly. $ 40,000? Okay. Yeah. What do you do? I'm an assistant property manager.

Okay. Awesome. Yeah. Do you have any money saved? I don't, but we are, of course, in a like tax time. So I have some things that I plan to put away with that coming. How much of a refund will you get? I think about $4,000 or $5,000. Okay, that's great. I mean, great in the sense that that's your money that you'll be getting back that you can use really intentionally um but that is one thing you could do is go in um if you have an hr department and adjust your w-2 and be able your paychecks and don't take as much out in taxes because this big refund means that's money that could have been working you know for you yeah you loaned the federal government four thousand dollars this

past year they're super grateful at no interest yeah so adjust that so your paychecks are a little bit bigger um which will help with your cash flow so that's that's one thing to do um so yeah so with this i mean if i were you i would park a thousand dollars in a starter emergency fund when you get this refund and then i would throw the rest of the credit cards and cut up your credit cards too don't even give yourself the option to go back into credit card debts just get rid of them okay um and that'll feel good i mean that frees up that's like okay now you have your car payment and your student loan left and when you look at this equation sylvia when it comes to

just like the basics of starting all this out, really, there's there's two ways that money flows, money flows in, money flows out. And so looking at your income, seeing, hey, what kind of what kind of side hustle can you do to as you're getting out of debt? Because upping your income is going to be a real key part of getting out of debt faster. So this is probably going to work look like working nights Are you married kids like what's your family Situation I've got one Child I'm dating someone Right now that I was

Outside of that How old is your Son daughter My son he's 13 He's 13 okay cool so yeah So that may look like maybe one Saturday a month and a few nights. I mean, doing what you can realistically to be able to bring in some extra money. So that's the income side.

And we talk to people all the time, Sylvia, that are, I mean, they're on this process and they're making 13, 14, 2000 extra dollars a month realistically of doing some extra stuff. So really get creative on that end and then be looking at your expenses. And I want you to do a budget. And at the end of this, Taylor's going to pick up

and we're going to give you every dollar premium, which is our budgeting app. And in that app, there's a lot of education to be able to teach you. Here's how to do a zero-based budget. But I basically want you to take your income for the month and you're going to list out everything you spend money on. And Sylvia, you're going to be able to teach you, here's how to do a zero-based budget. But I basically want you to take your income for the month and you're going to list out everything you spend money on. And Sylvia, you're going to be nixing some expenses.

Yeah, you're going to be nixing some things that your subscriptions, no vacation, no out to eat. I mean, I really want you to challenge yourself to really say, okay, we're going to cut a lot of this. And that's going to free you up with some money. And so the beautiful thing is if you, I'm going to make up a number, Sylvia, I don't know what it will be for you, but let's say you can bring in an extra 1500 and maybe you find an extra 500 in your budget to cut, right? That's $2,000 extra a month. And even that being thrown at your car, you're going to start

to see that chip away. And what ends up happening is when people feel this progression of, oh my gosh, I'm winning. I'm actually getting traction. I'm actually seeing a positive result with my money. It's a natural instinct in us that you naturally will say, okay, okay, I can pick up, you know, two more hours here and make a little bit more there. Oh, yeah, we can cut the grocery budget another hundred bucks here. I mean, you start to really get this momentum started because for the first time ever, maybe for you, Sylvia, you're actually going to feel in control of your money because you're going to be doing a budget and you're going to be working your way out of debt. And when that car is paid off and you may even look at, I mean, you could even look at selling the car. Have you, have you Kelly blue booked at all? I'm curious what it would be worth.

Um, I have, but I think it's about, it's, it's less than half of what the value of the car. Okay. Okay. So you're pretty underwater. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not a, you know, we always say if it's more than half of your take-home pay you have too much car so you're you're not at that point i mean it's 13 000 versus 40 000 so you're you're at a manageable spot um it'd have been beautiful if it was worth 16 000 you could sell it and just get rid of it and get a three thousand dollar car but um but with this so again it's kind of just this new way of looking at your money and it's going to feel different and it's going to be hard. But I think for you, Sylvia, there's going to be some peace in it, too, because you're actually going to have control over your income. You're going to have a plan on where you're going.

And I think you're going to see progress really quickly. So, Sylvia, can I tell you a wild story real quick? Yeah, absolutely. When I was 13, my mom who had never gone to school, she'd never gone to college. She took her first community college class and then she took another class the next semester. And then the semester after that, she took two classes and just kept going and going and going. And when my mom turned 57, she graduated with her PhD. And at 63, she was tenured as a professor. But here's the important part of this conversation. At 13, 14, 15, and 16, I had a ringside seat to watching my mom work really, really hard.

And I remember her coming and putting the laundry soap on the washer and says, your laundry's on you now, buddy. I got homework. And I started having to fend for myself with frozen dinners and stuff like that. She would make meals on Saturdays and I had to heat them up. Here's the thing. I look back and I have no excuses on being a good dad, on learning new crafts, on changing as the world changes underneath me because I watched my mom blaze a trail and your 13 year old is going to watch you do this and it's going to change his family tree yeah you see what i'm saying this isn't just you getting out of debt

i really really love that vision yeah you are going to change his life because he's going to watch mom and he's going to be annoying. I got to do my own laundry. I got to do. Yep. Because mom's working another job and another job. Yeah. I'm so proud of you. Yeah.

Hold on the line. Taylor's going to pick up and we'll give you Financial Peace University, our nine lesson course and every dollar premium because we want to give you as much as many tools as possible sylvia because this is possible for you truly and like john said what your son is going to experience and the example you're going to set for him it changes everything from this point forward because you chose to do something different big time shout out to you so proud of you taylor austin joe our fearless leader and handsomest guy around james childs, and even Zach with the YouTube crew. Thanks to you, America. We'll see you soon on Dave Ramsey here. You know, budgeting doesn't have to be boring.

You just need a budgeting app that's made with you in mind, and that's EveryDollar. The EveryDollar app has helped millions of people work the baby steps and take the stress out of planning and managing their money. EveryDollar. The EveryDollar app has helped millions of people work the baby steps and take the stress out of planning and managing their money. Start budgeting with EveryDollar for free right now. Just go to ramseysolutions.com slash EveryDollar and download the app today. That's ramseysolutions.com slash EveryDollar.