The Ramsey Show - You Can Change Your Life TODAY!

Episode Date: January 3, 2025

📈 Are you on track with the Baby Steps? Get a Free Personalized Plan 📱 Listen to the full episode for free in the Ramsey Network app. Jade Warshaw & Dr. John Delony answer your questions and discuss: You can decide to change your life TODAY! “Our medical bills keep us from moving forward in the baby steps” “My boyfriend doesn’t share in my financial goals” “Is work/life balance a real thing?” Is a high-yield savings account the best place for your money? “I haven’t paid my credit card debt in 13 years!” Support Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp ◎ Get 10% off Byrna product bundles and more! 🏥 Learn more about Christian Healthcare Ministries 🏡 Get started today with Churchill Mortgage 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe 🏦 Go to FAIRWINDS Credit Union for an exclusive account bundle! 🥗 Save 15% on your first Field of Greens order with code RAMSEY 💸 Learn more about opening a high-yield savings account with Laurel Road 💻 Visit NetSuite today to learn more 🗂️ Use promo code RAMSEY for 18% off at The Nokbox 💵 Learn more about Timothy Plan 🏛 Get started with YRefy or call 844-2-RAMSEY 🔐 Visit Zander Insurance for your free instant quote today! Next Steps 📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET or click here! 🏠 Get organized and prepared to buy or sell a home.  🎆 The New Year's Sale is on! Save big with deals to help you reach your goals.  💵 Start your free budget today. Download the EveryDollar app! 🎟️ Get Tickets to the Money & Relationships Tour 🏘️ Free Tools & Resources to Reach Your Home Goals Listen to more from Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

From the Ramsey Network, it's the Ramsey Show. Hey, it's good to be back with you guys. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me is my buddy Dr. John DeLoney. We're hooking you up with answers all hour long. So give us your call. The number is triple eight, eight two five, five two two five. Hey, it's the new year, John.

We're back, we're back. Let's get into it. I'm so excited, I don't know what to do. I haven't hosted this show in a little bit, so I'm excited to get into some calls and help the people, John. Off the rails on a crazy train, let's go. All right, we got Mariam.

She's in Phoenix, Arizona. What's going on Miriam? Hi, good. Um, okay. It's Mariame Mariame, all right. Thanks for the correction my bad. Love it. It's okay. It's Arabic. Um, Yes, so this quickly Bob a chapter a wolf moves from the south. I'm a southern gal moved from the South June of 2024 out here to Phoenix. Okay. Been to Phoenix one time, August 2021.

Me and my daughter drove from Atlanta all the way out here to get some solar panels so it was beautiful. It was like, oh, I never live in Arizona. Ended up purchasing through 25 acres by laws grace. So I'm like, Whoa, what am I doing on here? Phoenix? I'm about to start an eco village or whatever. Wow.

Okay. Anyway, long story short, because I'm paying off my property. Um, I decided I wasn't going to get a car at first. Turns out when I was getting, um, approved for this duplex that we're in right now, that's when I realized that, uh, my debt was, my debt was no longer manageable. I actually didn't see, well, I thought the chapter bankruptcy after when I was getting approved for this,

um, unit, there was something on my credit that I just didn't know about. It was a medical bill that was like six, seven thousand dollars that added on to what I already had had which is up to about sixty something thousand of consumer debt outside of student loans. How many student loans? And since I didn't know, oh, a lot. Use real numbers with this. Use real numbers with this. Use real numbers with this. Oh, $98,000.

And the thing is I didn't have a degree. Also, so this is the thing. I didn't consider student loans actual debt. A lot of people don't. And so when the lady was, no, well, I genuinely didn't understand it to be actual debt. So when the lady was like, oh, he approved you,

but he was hesitant because of all your debt. And I was like, oh, oh, that's too long. And he was like, yeah. So you got approved for it. Then what happened? I did get approved for it. I got approved for the duplex, but I realized I was just too much debt. How much did you take out for this duplex? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The duplex is getting rented while I pay off my property.

I understand that, but you're on the hook for the loan, yes? Like you got a mortgage for a duplex and you're renting it out, is that correct? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, I'm just renting a duplex. I'm just renting. Oh, correct? No no no no no no no I'm like I'm just renting a duplex. How much is your loan for the land that you that you bought for your eco village? It's owner finance. How much is it? I don't care how much is it? I still owe about 19,000 dollars. 19 please tell me you didn't file bankruptcy you didn't you didn't file bankruptcy over $60,000 plus your student loans because your student loans

aren't dischargeable. Well we're working on that but that's not that's not a here nor there but I do want to. Well tell us what the question is so that we can understand. Yeah what's the question? Yes the question is about because it's about a car. So I realized before I was I had the every dollar app I am I am here I'm pushing the movement I really am like I believe in it right because I was not aware that I was basically spending nearly $700 on Ubers and Lyft to get to work okay and I was like okay so I'm paying for a car that I don't have I was like this is insane so like okay I have to take public transit I have like, okay, I have to take public transit.

I have to take the bus. I have to take the rail. Okay. Really good, right? Get to the question so we can actually help you. Okay. When is it appropriate to use a loan? Because I know you can get a loan for buying a house, but I hear you all, you know, you tout.

Mario. No, you tout. Wait a second. Listen, listen, listen. Well, let me, you're you tout. Mario. No, you tout. Wait a second. Listen, listen, listen. Well, let me answer the question for you. It's never I'm going to say that it's not ever going to be appropriate to do a loan. On this show, we're never going to tell you to go into debt. And the reason for it is because you can already sense the reason why.

You've got ninety eight thousand a student loan debt, sixty thousand in consumer debt, nineteen thousand that you're paying off on land. I don't have to tell you the reason. The reason is it is a shackle on your life. And it's about a vehicle. It's about, I know, I know. I know. My safety is in jeopardy.

So this morning, when I, so because like I was saying, in order for me to take public transit, I have to work overnight. I get off at 5 a.m. I was getting off at 5 a.m. this morning. I'm walking down the street to because my last bus stop it's about a little bit less than a mile from me to get home. I'm walking down the street I see this man doing all this kind of movement so I didn't know about the epidemic of the drug crisis that's going on in Phoenix. That's right. You're right. This man is

doing all this crazy body movement and And so as I approach him, I try to like not look at people in their eyes or whatever. I hear you. He had a metal ballot. So I'm like, okay, when am I gonna? Here's what I want you to do. When is my safety? Your safety is always paramount.

I'm not going against that. And I've been to Phoenix, I know what you're talking about. I know that area very, very well, and you're not wrong. However, you told me before that you were doing lifts, you were doing Ubers. That's how you were getting around. And even though that's expensive, if that's the safer method for you to get around until you can save up and buy yourself a thousand dollar cash car, that's a junker. That's just going to get you where you need to go. That's what you need to do for you. If I told you to go into debt to get a car, I would be not a good financial advisor

and I would not be a good friend. And I would just be, that would be the worst advice ever if I said, yeah, just go take out a car loan because you've got $180,000 of debt. Well, now the consumer debt's getting this dark. No, because, and that's the other problem. We didn't talk to you about your income, but what are you bringing in?

What's your income? Well, I'm working overtime. I average about 5K monthly net. By the way, if you just are going through bankruptcy, no bank on planet earth will loan you any money for a car. That's also true. Well, I've already gotten approved for I just have to have It's a subprime subprime

Oh, yeah, and so you that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't yeah don't it's like that's like It's like you taking like a like a metal bar and breaking both of your knees so that somebody doesn't hit you in the head You get what I'm saying? You're just shooting yourself in the other foot. Yeah, where we're at, and this is the hardest part to get to because for you, debt has been a crutch, debt has been the little safety blanket. It's the way that you've, the thing that you've gone to to get everything that you want.

And you're not realizing the effect that it's having on your life. It's odd to me that you're going through a bankruptcy and yet still you haven't figured out that borrowing money is the problem. I say it all the time and I'll say it to you too. If you can't solve a problem while simultaneously creating it, okay?

And that's what you're trying to do. You're like, oh, I'm in debt. I'm gonna solve it while filing bankruptcy. And in the meantime, I'm gonna keep going into debt. And if you keep doing that, you're never gonna find a way out. You're gonna be a dog chasing its tail. And so you've gotta get to the point

where you draw a line in the sand and you go, you know what, I may not be able to pay off this debt today, tomorrow, but the first thing, the thing I can do today is I can decide I am not borrowing money anymore. And that goes for anybody who's listening. You might not be ready to do the Ramsey steps yet. It might take you a second.

I'm fine with that. But today you can decide I'm not borrowing money. You don't have to keep making it worse. And that is huge. It's a negative, right? It's what if you can't do the pull-upup you do the negative and you can do that today. You know I love when I get to talk about this each year during the holidays as in years past this December Xander is donating 25% of all ID theft protection

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Visit zander.com or call 800-356-4282. There's no better way to protect yourself, your family, while helping others in serious need. That's zander.com or 800-356-4282. Hey, you're listening to the Ramsey show. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me, Dr. John Delaney. We're taking your calls all hour long. It's a live show.

So get in where you fit in, man. It's a new year. So you're probably facing all sorts of things. If you need help with your life, your money, good mental wellness tips, whatever it is that you're looking for, we're here to help you out. Give us a call. Triple eight, eight to five, five, two to five. Let's go to Nicole. She's in Dallas, Texas. What's going on, Nicole?

Hey, thanks for taking my call. I was calling because me and my husband, we've been working with steps for about a year and a half and we're constantly going in a cycle of between baby step and one and two. And a lot of it's medical debt that keeps piling on us that doesn't allow us to move any forward. And I just, I don't know, is there any advice or any help how to like keep on going? I don't know. We're just kind of losing some faith here. Who's ill? Is it something that you have a diagnosis and it's causing you to continue to do prescriptions or appointments?

It's kind of both of us. My husband's on the spectrum and he, you know, he's bipolar, anxiety and ADHD. And so he's a psychiatrist and has medicine every month. And then I got us in debt with the field So he's a psychiatrist and has medicine every month. And, um, and then I, I got us in debt with the cell. We tried IVF and it didn't work. So, um, and then I had longterm COVID and so my heart rate would do some things where it just dropped and they never could figure out like a name for it or

anything, but it was just some effect from COVID. So hey can I hop in here real quick Nicole? Yes. From this point forward I don't want you to ever say that you got y'all two in debt because of your IVF. Okay. Together y'all looked at each other and said till death do us part and you knew that he was he had learning exceptionalities and you knew he was a character when you married him right? Correct. Right and he also agreed to stand by you when you got sick right and you all both decided let's start a family and you all have struggled and you have sat down with doctors and you've done that together. Yes. So you're gonna rise together and you're sat down with doctors and you've done that together. Yes.

So you're gonna rise together and you're gonna struggle together and you're gonna have good days, you're gonna have bad days, but the key is together. And I don't want you carrying around this extra baggage like you've done something irreparable to your family because you got sick

or because you explored IVF together, okay? Thank you. Because some of that baggage, right, is this weight you feel going back and forth between baby step one and you finally get that thousand bucks and you're like, all right, we got traction and then suddenly you got to go back to the doctor or your husband needs new meds or he has a really manic week and he spends extra on something or whatever is going on. Right. And you both feel like you're the one dragging the other down and there's no, you got two horses pulling opposite directions on each other, right? Does that make sense? It does. Yes, it does. It makes the whole thing, I just want to quit.

Yeah. Because y'all aren't dealing with a math problem, y'all are dealing with a heart problem, right? Yes. I mean, the problems. I mean the math problem sucks. It's that I mean there's there's a math problem Don't get me wrong there but In Jay telling if I'm wrong I would tell you if you have baby step one and y'all are working on baby step two and then you have to go back To baby step one that tells me that the plan is working and here's why it's frustrating and it's super slow But you didn't go backwards. You didn't end up owing somebody else money. You were able to

fund it yourself for your thousand bucks. And now we're back on it again. And now we're back on it again. But I promise you, if you stay on it, you'll gain that one month, that two months, that four, that fifth, that sixth month of traction. Do you get what I'm saying? Okay. Yes. Because think about your life without that baby step 1, without that thousand bucks. Y'all are multiple thousand dollars in debt because y'all went backwards every month instead of just getting back to square one. Do you get what I'm saying? Yes.

So I know it doesn't feel like you're winning. You're not winning, but you're not losing, right? And stalemates are the worst. They're the worst. Yeah. You're, John is exactly right. You're still going forward because when you do do push play on baby step to you're paying off debt for that time period.

And then if something happens, you dip into the emergency fund. That's what it's there for. Then you get back on track. You start, you know, you build it back up to a thousand. Then you start paying off debt again. It's just that the truth is certain people's situations are going to cause the baby steps possibly to elongate. And that's okay. Like everybody's situation is not the same.

You guys have health issues and so be it. For Sam and I, it took us seven and a half years. And so everybody has those nuanced things that are gonna cause the baby steps to, you might hang out on one step longer than somebody else does. And it doesn't mean that you're not making progress and it doesn't mean that you're not going forward. There could be some financial pieces of this to address. We didn't ask you much about your income. Are you, are you both able to tell us about that?

Yeah, we're both working full time. We bring home about 5,500 a week. I mean, I'm sorry, a month. I was about to say, dang, Gina, y'all are loaded. $5,500 a week, man. What kind of work is it? He works as a welder and I work as an auditor for a car company. Yeah, I mean, there might be some margin that you can find looking at your budget. I'm not sure, you know, do you guys have car payments? Is there something that you can do short term and very quickly is it sell off a vehicle

so that you can free up some money in your month to month, right? Those are the things I'd be looking at. When somebody tells me, hey, money is tight, we're having a hard time going from baby step one to baby step two or whatever it is, the first things I'm looking at, number one, I'm going, okay, are you investing? Because if you're investing, let's pause that, right? That's the first thing to do. So if you haven't paused, you need to pause. The next thing I'm looking

at is withholding. If you're a person who's getting a tax refund every single year, that's a signal that you are doing too much withholding every single paycheck. So I would get with HR at your company and change that, right? And then the next thing I'm looking at is just basic things. I might do an insurance coverage checkup to make sure I'm getting the right coverage for the right money. Most people do an insurance coverage checkup and they find out they can actually get more coverage for what they're paying

or they can pay a little bit less. So those are the top three places that people find money just without having to do anything, right? And then after that, the next place I'm looking at vehicle is at your vehicle. So I'm going through and I'm going, okay, do we have car payments? Is this something that I can sell off?

If I sell it, will I make money? If I sell it, am I upside down? Is there a way that I can get out of this car loan and free up that money every month? So that's the next place I'm looking so those are really the top four areas and then after that it's the basic stuff it's groceries it's subscriptions so really go through your budget with a fine tooth comb and see if you can find some extra money there do you have every dollar um we do we We have the basic version. Okay.

And is that working for you? It has shined a light on where we're spending the most money. It looks like we spend a lot in groceries. So maybe like a, this is probably the least romantic date in the world, but maybe once a week you'll have a meal planning week I mean meal planning for the week and you'll get together on Sunday nights and you'll make dinner together and you just talk about what do we want to have for dinner this week and if you can cook nine chicken breasts for the week and

put them in the refrigerator and just have them there for you is that cool no is it sexy no but man to gets you out of this mess. And I'll tell you this, I'll add a fifth one to Jade's list. I remember when my wife and I were going through, I sold my beloved handmade Everett guitars from a guy out of Atlanta. They're amazing.

And I got rid of one of them because it launched us immediately into Baby Step 2. Wow. And so if you've got guitars, if you've got a fancy gun, if you've got whatever stuff, yeah, whatever y'all got, your Pokemon cards or whatever, if there's something about lighting a fire in the house,

that just not a real one by the way, but like lighten a fire and saying, we are gonna make this move right this second, right? And maybe y'all have exhausted all that. The other one I would say is, is there one 30 day sprint y'all can go on and just Uber like crazy or just, it would be miserable and awful and I'd hate it,

but also you're miserable and awful and you hate it right now. Not being able to find that thousand bucks. So what if y'all just both said, all right, we're both gonna Uber in the mornings or we're gonna go both get a job at Burger King or Walmart in the evenings just for 30 days, for 60 days and get out of the cycle and then you can get some breathing room.

And Jade, let me ask you this, with folks who are wrestling in this situation, if you know you have recurring medical, it's not adding extra to that $1,000 baby step one, but it is being practical and saying we need to go ahead and start putting a sinking fund. Sinking fund all day. 100 bucks, 200 bucks a month. Yeah. Aside, because we know we're going to spend it. Yeah, if I were her, I'd go back.

Or HSA-ing it even. Yeah, I'd go back on the statements and say, okay, what are we spending? What's the worst month that it's been? And be prepared for that worst month and have it set aside. I love that. I love that. Hey, we're on your team. We're on your team.

Thanks for the call. What does the future hold for business? We're on your team. We're on your team. Thanks for the call. What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts and you'll get ten different answers. Economic growth or a recession? Business taxes will go up or down. AI will help us work, or it will replace us all. But there's no such thing as a crystal ball. That's why more than 40,000 businesses have future-proofed themselves with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud enterprise resource planning system. Ramsey Solutions uses NetSuite and you should too. Whether your company is earning millions

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to AI and machine learning at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. It's free at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. Yeah, you're listening to the Ramsey show on the Ramsey network. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me is Dr. John Deloney. Let me let you in on a little secret. When it comes to your life and your money,

you're the only one who can change it, period. No one else can change it for you. And you can't look at someone else's life and money and think that you're gonna be able to reach in and change theirs. They have to be wanting to make those changes on their own. And it's frustrating. It's very frustrating if you're a person

who's gotten ahold of the baby steps, it's worked for you and you look over at your brother or your sister-in-law or your mom and dad or your best friend, and you're like, man, I see them struggling. I really want to help them. And you're trying to get them to do it and they won't do it. Listen, it's one of those things. It's the worst.

It's the worst. God, it's the worst. It's truly the worst. And I have found that the best way to broach a subject or whether it's with your spouse, or with a friend or family member, is just to be like, man, I was listening to this show,

and here's what helped me. Here's what I did. And it's so good, it's so easy. Like, for instance, John and I were talking earlier, we were talking about our Christmas break, talking about sleep, and I said, oh man, I got my husband this whoop strap, it's great. And you just talk about it naturally.

As a part of the conversation, as opposed to, you know what you need to do, you need to get your money on point, you need to use every dollar. That doesn't work, right? Right, but when I showed you my app and said, hey, I got a sleep score of a hundred for the first time, and I'm so excited, it's an invitation, right?

It's not a demand, right? We're talking about it like a real part of our lives, like something we're genuinely excited about excited, it's an invitation. Yeah. Right. It's not a demand. That's right. We're talking about it like a real part of our lives, like something we're genuinely excited about because we are not as an indictment for what somebody else should be doing. So if you are looking for a way to get yourself under control, every dollar is the way to do it, it's the best way to budget your money, you make a plan, you stick to it with a monthly budget. It makes it super easy to plan your spending.

You can track your transactions. You save for what matters to you most. It's all in this easy to use app that fits in your phone. And what's gonna happen is you're gonna start making progress and because of that, you're organically gonna wanna show other people. And you're gonna wanna be like, man, listen, I got on this budget, it's so easy to use,

it's in my pocket, my husband can see it too, or my wife can see it too. And because of it, we found like 400 extra dollars in our budget. That's how this thing works. And so whether it's you or for a friend or a family member, that's how you talk about things. You talk about what's real to you.

You don't tell them what they need to be doing. So use every dollar, keep a pulse on your spending, make progress with your money goals, and do that with every dollar. If you don't have it, you can download every dollar for free in the app store or listen, if you have an Android, go ahead and head over to Google Play. Click the link in the description

if you're listening on YouTube or a podcast, but whatever you do, get every dollar. Okay, let's go to Amanda. She's in Chicago, Illinois. What's going on, Amanda? Hey, how are you? Doing good, how are you?? Good. How are you? I'm good. I have a quick question. So my boyfriend and I have been together for

about a year and we're talking about the future. But I have two big reservations. The first is his mom lives with him and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. She has some mental health issues, doesn't have any savings and he feels like it's his responsibility to take care of her. Um, and then the second is we bet heads a lot on finances to your comment. Like I try to show him how cool like budgeting can be or you know, what's worked for me and it's always ends up like just in world war three to put it lightly. So I'm just stuck on, I'm just worried, you know, I think finances are super important for the future and I just worry. So I need

bikes would be helpful. Amanda, tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you have your answer. It just is a really tough pill to swallow. It is. It is very tough, so. And there's nothing worse than a decision, especially when it comes to a relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship or a family relationship between you and your mom

or your dad or a work relationship where the right thing hurts, but that doesn't make it the wrong thing, right? Right. So I would say like, man, good on your boyfriend for feeling a sense of, I'm gonna take care of my mom, she's gonna live with us, that's gonna be part of our life. And you as his, like if you're talking about the future,

you get to decide, is this the life I wanna sign up for or not? And I don't think it makes you a bad person, but it makes you like, there's gonna be a value misalignment. And then when it comes to money, I mean, you are getting a ringside seat to the rest of your life.

And it won't just be about money, it will be about what size house you're gonna buy. And then how many kids you're gonna have, and do we spank our kids or don't spank our kids? And do we eat organic foods or not? And peanut allergies aren't really like, that's gonna be the rest of your life. I care less right now in your situation,

a year into dating, I care less about whether y'all are completely aligned with money yet. I care more, can you say, hey, this really matters to me? This is important. And the person you're considering spending the rest of your life with says, I wanna hear more about what you say is really important to you. They don't go to, like you said, World War Three.

You get what I'm saying? Oh, I have a question. Like, I'm going to make an observation. John, correct me if I'm wrong. I've been married for 18 years. The times I don't know that there's ever been a time that Sam and I have been at a complete like impasse. Like I 100% am not gonna act on or move towards you

or what you're saying in any way and vice versa. That feels, don't get me wrong, plenty of times we disagree, plenty of times we wanna go about something a different way. But when there's a complete, I'm not budging, and a complete, I'm not budging over here, that's not, that is a red flag for me. It's a huge red flag, yeah.

And again, it goes to, who are we going to decide to be during moments of conflict? And like Jade says, the couples that last, when they reach those impasses, they lean towards each other, they don't draw lines. Right. Right? Got it, okay, right, right.

And so you tell us, what does this mean for you? Oh, sorry, could you repeat it one more time? Sorry, for a little bit. I said, you tell us, what does this mean for you? That's a hard decision. I think I think you hit it on the head. Like, I know the decision is just a hard one. But I do see that.

I mean, like, I'm going to eventually be a reflection of how I solve conflict for kids. Should we have them? And I the way we're doing it, not great. So, yeah, I've been struggling with it. So I will tell you if if at this stage you are able to. So, yeah, I've been struggling with it. I will tell you if at this stage you are able to, I don't wanna say non-emotionally because that sounds dramatic, but in a non-threatened way,

if you're able to sit down by yourself or maybe with a trusted friend and truly articulate your values, what's important to you? And you're able to do that and then be reflective on the person you've been with for a year and say, this, this, this, I mean, we are really trying to force a round peg into a square hole. It's not going to, it's not going to work. Um, that's, that's one of the most humbling, heartbreaking, yet brave decisions a person can make, I think. Okay, yeah, that sounds really good.

Because you're going to think, you go marry this guy tomorrow, this situation comes up for the rest of your marriage. Until there's an explosion, and then at that point you have to choose, are we going to rebuild something? But the rebuilding process starts with how are we going to rebuild something? But the rebuilding process starts with, how are we going to communicate when we get sideways with each other? Or we have differing visions on what tomorrow might look like for us. And there's the mom side of things. You get to decide if you want to get into that or not.

It's like marrying a guy who already has a kid. You get to decide, if you are thinking, no, I don't want all of that, there's nothing wrong with that. I can't say that enough. Like I say, on his side, it doesn't sound like he's telling you, well, this is just for a minute.

You know, like, I still want, he's not stringing you along. It sounds like he's saying, no, no, my mom struggles. My mom's gonna be with me forever. Right, right. And the way you phrase it is, he's not living with her. She's living with him, right? He's in the caretaker role. Yeah. Yeah He has me I don't want like I feel like the bad guy for being like hey, like let's get her on her feet

Let's see if we can you know, but yeah Yeah, that puts you in a tough position too because you don't want to be the one that's like trying to scoot her out the door So you know what? I mean, that's tough. That's a hard place to be Well, and he might look at you and say hey hey, I've been with her for 25 years. You've got nine months with her. Relax. I know. Right?

And also, maybe he's an enmeshed mess, right? And the things she needs. But again, that goes back to the conflict challenges. If conflict ends in World War III on a regular basis, on something as simple as, hey, what if we just lived on less than we make? Right? Right. Right. Just basic. Yeah, it's a recipe, man. something as simple as, hey, what if we just lived on less than we make? Right? Like, just

basic. Yeah, that's a recipe, man. I'm heartbroken for you. I'm heartbroken for you. You've got to be able to see that the problem is the problem and you both gang up on the problem. That's right. Not you both ganging up on each other. Once you figure that out, things get a lot better. This is The Ramsey Show. Remember the good old days of the internet before it was a privacy nightmare filled with spammers, scammers, hackers and fraudsters? Simpler times. Now I don't have a time machine, but I do have the next best thing. Delete Me.

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i'm jade warsha next to me number one best-selling author dr Dr. John Deloney, host of the Dr. John Deloney show, which is really quite the phenomenon, I must say, John. You're a phenomenon, Jade Worshaw. Well, anyway, hey, if you like the shows that you listen to on the Ramsey Network, whether it be this one or many of the others that we have to offer, be sure that you're liking it, subscribing to it, sharing it with other people. That means a lot to us. It's something that you can do that's really quick, doesn't take you any time, doesn't cost you anything, but ultimately it does a lot for us. It helps other people to discover the show and that is big. We're all about life change here and the way that we change people's lives is getting in front of them. And so if you can do that, like I said, like, subscribe,

share, do that for us in the new year and we'll be so appreciative to you. We already are, but that's a big help. All right, John, we're taking calls all this hour. We got a few left. We got Sarah here from Seattle, Washington. What's going on, Sarah? Hey, thanks for having me on.

So my divorce finalized about three years ago, about a year ago, started doing a, um, Calc report recalculation and it finally just wrapped up. But during that process, my lawyer suggested that instead of setting up college funds for my kids because of the dishonesty displayed by my ex husband about his finances, that I set up basically brokerage accounts for my girls and in my head in

Markham as college funds so that when the time comes to pay for college, he, my ex can't say, well, Sarah has already saved money for college. I shouldn't have to contribute as much. Is there a disadvantage or advantage in doing it that way versus a traditional college fund? I'm not sure that I understand. I'm not sure I understand what your lawyer is saying. I got it. Okay. It sounds like your lawyer... yes, like so the answer is in the sketchy sense, yes, you're correct. Because you're saying you can say that money was for something else if it's in a brokerage? Well, so it would be just earmarked in my head as their college funds. Sure.

Because what my lawyer's fear was that let's say both of my girls go to school and for both of them, it'll cost a hundred thousand dollars, right? A hundred thousand each. And they're young. So if I start saving the money now, by the time they get to college, I may have 75,000 for each of them. So then there's only 25,000 left to cover. My ex could potentially say in the future, well, if there's always paid $75,000 or saved up that

much, I should only have to pay half of what's left. So then he would only contribute $12,500, give or take. So listen, your attorney's exactly right. That could happen. Can I give you an alternative side to it? Sure. And this is me, I get to be on a high horse here because you called into the showcase. This is definitely me on a high horse

and I'm not in your seat, okay? Yeah. Y'all are sitting around a table, you and your attorney, and your attorney's job is to protect you. You are his or her client, right? That's their job. And you're dealing with a person who lacks integrity on the other side of the table, which is your ex-husband. I hesitate to suggest that you also become a person who maybe doesn't lack integrity but is not full integrists and comes up with alternative ways to hold and shield money to put you in a better argumentative position in case something might happen 15 years from

now. What I would prefer in this again, this is not a ROI cash wise and this is me mostly working with people who are struggling with their integrity for my whole career. So I get it. I would rather look my daughters in the eye and say I saved up $75,000 and husband's taken us to court. your dad's taking us to court to try to figure out how little he has to pay. But we did the right thing. You get what I'm saying? Because what it sounds like is you're being encouraged

to hide money from your ex in case your ex wants to use your cash holding or your college fund as a way to pay less in the future. And that's technically right. If this guy's a scumbag, which it sounds like he is, if he would weaponize your daughter's education to make a point with you and your, and your, and your former marriage, that would have been almost two decades old at this point. But if that's who he is, that's who he is. Um, but it's not about him. It's about you.

Okay. Do you get what I'm saying? No, it totally does and it makes a lot of sense and I, throughout this whole process, have basically used Dave's phrase of, this is my stupid tax and maybe this is just the continuation of my stupid tax and the stupid tax. But let's hold it another way. Let's not frame this one as a stupid tax, I mean. But let's hold it another way. Let's not frame this one as a stupid tax.

Let's frame this one as a come hell or high water, somebody else is not going to impact my integrity. And that might mean girls were going to a different school because your dad's not helping with this and this is the best I could do over 15 years. Okay. But that's different than, ooh, there's some gay-manship and maybe the... you get what I'm saying? And by the way, 15 years from now is... what is that? 4, 8, 12... that's two and a half presidents from now. Good God almighty. Can you imagine two and a half presidents ago what the world was like? Who knows? 15 years from now.

I'm certainly not, but again, that's, I mean, that's the decision you and the mirror are going to have to make on this one. Okay, and that makes a lot of sense. I just, I don't want to become the monster that I'm trying to shield my kids from. Yeah, I hadn't thought about the non-quantifiable aspect of it. I was more thinking about like, tax implications and obviously having him pay a portion, a reasonable portion. But looking at it from the non quantifiable part, it definitely sways the decision of, I'm gonna keep my side of the street clean.

I, it feels right. Jade, am I crazy? Yeah, I didn't like the fact that feels a little bit dishonest at what you're trying. It's like you're trying to show that I don't really have this money if really, if in fact I really did. And that's the part that bothers me.

If you had just called up and said, hey, what's better for me, a 529 or a brokerage? We could talk about that all day and we could talk about the pros and cons of it. If you were worried that you didn't wanna save up too much in the 529 because they might not go to school, like we could talk about that all day. So for me, it's a little bit the why behind the what

that's making me go, let's just save up for your kid's college the right way and not be super concerned about what he might or might not try to do in 15 years. Yeah, the keeping your side of the street clean just sounds outside of just an outright abusive situation that you gotta do what you gotta do, what you got to do what you got to do, what you got to do, what you got to do, man. I don't know.

It just gives me more peace. And again, I, it's so much easier. And I'm just sitting on the other side of a microphone, right? Talking to you across the country. You know, it's so much easier for me to do that, but I love the idea of you walk into this new season of your life. I mean, you're, you're, you're 36 months in, right? You're three years in. I love the idea of you walking and like you hear the phrase that Rachel Cruz says often, more is caught than taught. Your daughters are gonna get a ringside seat to what it's like watching their mother scratching claw

and do the next right thing always. And that to me is worth any college. I mean y'all, you're gonna figure out the college stuff, your daughters are gonna figure out the college stuff, but that, I mean you can't get that in a classroom. You get that from watching a mom and dad or a mother or a single mom go day in and day out to the next right thing. And I just, I don't know, that just feels right to me. Yeah. And I appreciate that also, like

little other outside of this, but like I do a lot of home repair myself because I can't afford to pay somebody. And my girls will tell people my mommy can fix things. My mommy can build things. And I, I. Yes. And I have a wife whose dad taught her how to grill. Nothing has shamed me more as a Texas male than a wife that can out grill me. And so, like even to the point that I'm taking grilling lessons, even this old in my mid-40s, right?

Grilling lessons. So all I'd say is let your daughters come alongside you and let them learn how to fix stuff too. And this is generational stuff, right? But this is generational stuff right but this is where the lessons this is where family trees are changed in this in the shadows and these dark hard dark seasons man I'm proud of you I'm proud of you. All right that does it for this hour of the show be sure to join us next hour it'll be Dr. John and myself we'll see you then. Hey I'm excited to talk about a new sponsor, Berna. You all probably know I'm a gun guy, but I'm big on safety, so I'm also a Berna guy. Berna is the un-gun, a less lethal option that protects you in more ways than one.

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sprays and body armor are also 10% off for Ramsey fans. See why Berna has more than 15,000 five-star reviews just go to Berna.com slash Dave to learn more that's B-Y-R-N-A dot com slash Dave. From the Ramsey Network it's the Ramsey Show. Hey, we're glad to be with you. Happy New Year. I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me is Dr. John Deloney.

We're happy to be here with you guys. This is the live show. So if you want to get on, you got to get in where you fit in. Give us a call. The number's triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five. We'll get you on the line as long as you're not crazy. We got phone screeners for that.

All right, let's get into it. We got Andrea, Andrea, Andrea. I'm gonna say all different ways. Tell us what's the right way from Columbia, South Carolina. It's Andrea, but I answer to pretty much anything. Okay, well, I wanna say it right, Andrea. I do too. I have some really mean friends growing up, so I answer to all the names. Okay, well I want to say it right, Andrea. I do too. I have some really mean friends growing up,

so I answer to all the names. I think about the- Amen. On the Devil Wears Prada, is there a name? Andrea? Andrea? We watch different movies, Jada. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, moving on. I went to kindergarten with an Andrea, and my name is Andrea, so my kindergarten teachers taught us very early on how to

properly and kindly correct people Andrea it's like auntie or auntie are you still friends with Andrea? Um, I have not seen her in years and years and years the way you set said her name suggested y'all did not get along super great because there's only one there can only be one no no she's fine but there is only one Andrea. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. And you're it. How can we help you today, Andrea?

The world can't handle more than one of me. So I was introduced to Financial Peace University through my church years ago, and it's really the first time I ever sat down and budgeted anything at all. And I attempted, um, I, I recognize things I needed to do. Um, I recently started listening to podcasts and found the Ramsey show and it's

like an addiction. Um, I absolutely love listening to it. As I'm listening to it, I got the every dollar, um, budget app and I had been using that, which is phenomenal for me. There's that word for nominal again. Um, yeah, but, um, it instead of using the envelope system, which did not work well for me, the every dollar budget is fantastic. Great. So here's my question. What do I do with the leftover money at the end of the month?

Like let's say my entertainment, my fun money, and even my transportation is leftover. And I tried to build in, like I know I have a dentist appointment coming in February. And my out of pocket for my dental x-rays, because I have to have that once a year, is going to be roughly over $200. That's my out of pocket. And you can't cash flow it? Probably not. Because it changes my answer.

It depends on if you can. Because if you said to me, hey, listen, every month whenever I have extra money, or for instance in January, I'll have extra in transportation and I'll have extra here, I would normally say yeah, any extra money that you have in your budget, you roll it over to whatever baby step you're on. So if you're on baby step two, and you're like, yeah, I thought I was going to have a thousand to pay on debt, but because of these extra little tidbits that I had extra,

now I have, you know, 1,200, perfect. Now, if you tell me though, but Jade, on February, I'm gonna have this $200 X-ray bill and I can't, it's not, if I do that plus my normal budgeted stuff, I won't have enough, then I'd say, yeah, you need to hold that aside and keep it for that. Now when you say hold it aside I'm talking physically do I leave it in my checking account do I move it and I'm gonna I don't have a I hear y'all talk about a high high yield interest high yield

savings account I don't have one of those. I have just a checking and a little savings account. Yeah. And I do have my thousand in that. I, you know, I'm working, my consumer debt is student loans and car and I'm in the process of purchasing my home. So I do have money. I could cash flow it, but do I just leave it sitting in my checking account and ignore it or do I move it into the savings account so that I don't spend it? Well, if you're telling me that you have the cashflow

and you can cashflow it, then we're using the money for whatever baby step you're on. So what baby step are you on? Sounds like baby step two. Yes. Okay. Then let's say at the end of the month, you go through and every dollar tells you, wow, you had $20 left on transportation, you had $8 left over here, whatever that is, throw

it towards your debt. And then it's not a thing of having to move it out or transfer it over. Now let's pretend you were on, because somebody else is listening to this, let's pretend you're on baby step 3B and you're saving for a down payment and you say, okay, I have leftovers. Then you might transfer it to the high yield savings account or wherever it is that you're keeping those savings. I love this question, it's very practical and this is the stuff that I think really matters

on the day to day. Yeah, hopefully that clarifies it. Let me see, can I throw two things at you, Andrea? Yes, please. Okay, number one, please, please, please. Well, tell me this, how much do you owe on student loans? 19, please. Okay number one, please please please. Well tell me this how much do you own student loans? 19,000. Oh get this though. I've retired from public school teaching and I still own 19,000. I know now now I'm only 53 and I retired because public school just was a horrible situation

And I I was practicing my just was a horrible situation. And I was practicing my, hi, welcome to Walmart. Can I help you skills? I was looking, I was looking forward to that, but a friend says, Hey, so and so school is hiring. Why don't you apply? And I was like, are you serious? Y'all I'm in love.

Good. So I'm drawing my retirement from the state as well as a paycheck from my new position and I'm making pretty much the same amount that I was as a teacher in the public school system. Okay, so how much do you own your car? Please don't hate me for this one. I don't hate you, but let me laugh at you. About 31,000.

Please don't tell me to sell it. I keep totaling my cars, y'all. Well, then you definitely shouldn't be driving new cars. Why? Oh, wait. It's not new. It's a 2021. But it's that. And then the more I listen to y'all, I'm going, oh my God. But how do you find a dependable use? Y'all keep talking about these beater car. Let me tell you something right now. You're talking to the wrong two people in Just just for for us. Tell us your income exact numbers because I'm gonna make this a black and white for you What's your income? $5,560 monthly what's your yearly income? Oh multiply that by 12 for me and tell me okay, so you're around 60,000

You're right at the line We usually say that we don't want anything with the motor in it Vehicles being more than half of your yearly take-home now There's that and you're right on the line Plus the fact that you've got debt and you're talking to us about you know Trying to make the most of your money trying to make the most of your money, trying to make the most of your extra money. You've got $19,000 of student loans.

If I were in your shoes today, I would 100% downsize this vehicle, 100%. Oh, my God. Especially if you have a bad habit of wrecking your cars. By April, I would have... You are holding onto this student loan like it's like my daughter used to hold her blanket. Like you love it.

When did you take it out? How hard is it to like sell a car and even go in and looking at dealerships and trying to find a decent car. Andrea, the job that you do, you work with children. You create humans, yo. And you're telling us, right, and you're telling us that selling a car and buying a new car is hard.

What you do when you work in the school system as a teacher, you do way harder work than that every single day. Get a friend. You're finding excuses right now because you wanna keep this car. It's not that difficult. Go on Kelly Blue Book, find out how much it's worth and get a buddy who's done it before and they'll help you walk through it.

Somebody you know has sold a car and they'll help you through it. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey guys, this is Jade Warsha. Listen, I get it. The student loan situation is bananas, but it's time to make progress, not excuses. So if your payment and interest rate have you treading water,

refinancing could be the solution for you. Look, if I were in your shoes, I would contact Laurel Road today and get a free 30 minute consultation. You'll work with a student loan expert and you'll go over your refinancing options. Hey, for refinancing to make sense, you've got to check certain boxes like making a good income. And bottom line, Ramsey's advice is that you only refinance if you can get a lower rate or a shorter

term. Remember, the point is to pay off debt faster. Maybe you just need to keep rocking the debt snowball. But if refinancing does make sense for you, Laurel Road offers low competitive rates and interest rate discounts are available for stuff like auto pay. Listen, you can't mess around with student loans. If you want them gone, you gotta go hard. So go to laurelroad.com slash Ramsey to find out more and schedule your free 30 minute consultation.

That's laurelroad.com slash Ramsey. Laurel Road is a brand of Key Bank National Association. Hey, George Camel here. 30 minute consultation. That's laurelroad.com slash Ramsey. Laurel Road is a brand of Key Bank National Association. Hey, George Camel here. So you're thinking about buying or selling your home. It's exciting, but there's a lot to think about and all those decisions can feel overwhelming. Well, here's the good news.

You don't have to tackle the process alone. Ramsey's Real Estate Home Base is the place to find all of your free tools and resources for help to get prepared to buy or sell your home with confidence. You'll find calculators, start to finish guides, a podcast, and even an in-depth video course hosted by yours truly. What's not to love? So if you're ready to take the next steps toward your home goals, go to ramsysolutions.com

slash real estate. That's ramsysolutions.com slash real estate. Happy New Year. You're listening to the Ramsey Show on the RamseySolutions.com slash real estate. Happy New Year. You're listening to the Ramsey show on the Ramsey Network. I'm Jade Warschott next to me, Dr. John Delaney taking your calls this hour talking about your life, your money, your relationships, your careers, just your general well being. I mean, money touches everything. So that's what we're talking about. Matter of fact, we just launched a very cool tour that really speaks to all of this. We just launched a brand new tour.

It's Dr. John Deloney along with Dave Ramsey, and we're hitting the road coming to a city near you, and it's the Money and Relationships Tour. So this is really cool. You guys, John, you guys are kind of putting a new twist on these live events, and tell us more about it. Yeah, it's, every stop is gonna be different. So Dave and I speak all over the country

and we're gonna show up, but usually when we do that, we're telling people what we wanna talk about. And this one's gonna be different. Everyone in the audience before the show is gonna get to vote on what they want to hear about and Dave and I will both be on stage for the whole night. It's gonna be a wild. That's really cool.

You know what I think of when- Unhinged evening. I think of America's Funniest Home videos where you have a little thing and you lock in your vote. That's exactly it. Is it like that? That's exactly it, yeah. And then you've been on stage with Dave. You never really know where we're gonna go

and what's gonna happen. All things are possible. And I tend to think things are funny that he doesn't think is funny. So I think it's gonna be a fun adventure of a nightmare. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. I don't get nervous about much and I can get pretty nervous about this.

I mean, you could be talking about anything, whether it's budgeting, relationship dynamics. It'll be everything from sex and intimacy to marriage to dating to, and getting Dave Ramsey's dating tips will be legend. Um, to wealth building to investing and all all the everything in between. Love this. Okay, so this is coming to a city near you. We've got a lot on the list. We've got Louisville, Durham, Atlanta, Phoenix,

Fort Worth, Kansas City, get in where you fit in. Join Dr. I keep wanting to say Dr. Dave Ramsey. That is not right. Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delaney live and in person for a night where you'll laugh, learn and change your life. Get tickets to the Money and Relationships Tour at ramsysolutions.com slash tour. And if you're tuning in on YouTube or podcasts, you can go ahead and click the link in the show notes. That's how it works.

All right, let's go back to the phone lines. We've got Helen in Orlando, Florida. What's up, Helen? Hi, how are you? Thanks for taking my call. Yeah. So, just a quick recap of me. I'm a single mom to four boys, one with special needs. And I have $23,000 in unsecured debt, $65,000 in school loans that have a mortgage of 260. I don't have a car payment and my goal is to, you know, pay everything off and do what I need to do. The kickback is I'm a single mom and I only make $58,000 a year and I've heard on the show and, you know, in other podcasts and things like that, that the best way to get out of debt is to make more money. One of the wonderful things that I actually took

the job I have right now because I'm able to work remotely from home. I don't have to do extra you know payouts with having the kids in daycare or somebody coming home to watch my children. So it's been a blessing but but at the same time, I feel like I don't know what other steps to do. I just got the book. I downloaded the app and I started like putting my numbers in a few weeks ago, but I just feel like, Oh my gosh, am I ever going to get it? What should I do? Should I sacrifice? Because I could get a better paying job. What would that mean? That would take me away from my kids. Would that mean daycare? What would that mean? That would take me away from my kids.

Would that mean daycare? What would that mean financially? Yes. Because you got to count that cost. Yes, exactly. So right now when I'm looking at the cost, it's better for me to stay in my job. It's consistent. I have my, you know, I have the income I need and I'm also home when the boys get home and

also for like summer or winter vacations, I'm able to be here and they're here. Yeah. So I don't know. There's a part of this. Now you get to make the choice. Now, if you told me, Hey, Jade, there's another job I can take. I'll earn more to the point where it would out earn any other childcare and it'd be worth it for me. And if you told me that I'd be like, say less, like let's go. But in this case, if you're telling me, hey, I might make more on paper, but once I add in the new childcare fees that I'd have, then it's no longer worth it. Then that's a real discussion.

And at that point, it doesn't really make sense. There is a part of this and John, feel free to chime in. There comes a point for all of us and it'll be at a different point where we've done all the things we can do, right? You cut your budget as much as you can cut it. You've added as much extra income as you can add and you've, you know, sold as many things as you can sell and your income at that point is your income and your margin is your margin and you take that horse to the old town road and you ride till you can't no more. Like that, that is it. And you just have to ride out the timeframe at that point.

And that's not fun, especially when you've been kind of getting high off of finding other things to sell and other ways to add money and other, and it's like, you're able to create this excitement about it, but when those switches turn off and you're like, well, here I am, this is my margin. Then you're like, you're just left with the timeframe. And that is a very real feeling of like, oh crap, you know,

this three year, here it is for three years. Now the good side of that is whatever that timeframe is, you don't know what's gonna happen in that timeframe. You could find another opportunity. You could, you know, have something come in your lap that gives you the opportunity to bring in more money in some form or fashion. But if for right now that's where you are,

there is a part of that where you go, okay, I have 500 extra dollars that I throw out this debt every single month and I'm gonna do my part. And as long as I keep doing my part, the debt will tick down. I am going in the right direction. And your single mom with four kids,

one kid special needs. You are in a season of life right now, period. And sometimes that is the case. We have people call in here all the time where they go, man, Jade, I've got three kids in daycare or I've got, you know, I'm in this season of life where just everything is expensive and there's not much I can cut.

This is where we're at. And sometimes you just have to accept, all right, that's where I'm at. As long as I'm still going forward, I may not be going at the pace much I can cut, this is where we're at. And sometimes you just have to accept, all right, that's where I'm at. As long as I'm still going forward, I may not be going at the pace that I wanna go, but this is probably only temporary and I have to own where I'm at right now. John?

Helen, where's these four kids? Where's their dad? He sees them every other weekend. How fresh is this divorce? You still there I just lost you so there Helen you still there. Oh, she's there. She's just broken up Get to a place where you got some clarity on that cell signal. Yeah, you still there Helen? Helen, I'm losing you. Well we'll try to help you out as best we can. We can't really. Yeah. If we can get

you back, we will. Yeah, see if we can get her back because I'd love to finish this conversation because I think it's instructive. But often on the heels,ada, of a divorce, the parent who ends up with the majority of the custody often wants to do the best they can to not quote unquote disrupt the rest of these kids' lives, right? So I'm gonna keep the house the same, I'm gonna keep the town the same, I'm gonna keep the schools the same,

I'm gonna keep everything the same, even if it means drowning financially, being at a job, making half of what I could be making somewhere else, because the idea is, I have so much guilt, I've already blown up their world enough that we're gonna change that. I think I can get her back. Helen, you're back?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm back. Okay, great. Did you hear what I said? Did that ring true? No, I didn't hear that last part. What was it? All right, so we're going to be going up to a break here in a minute, but I'm going to hold you over because I think this is an important conversation, but we'll get to it the best we can. Absolutely. How fresh is this divorce?

It's, we're divorced for seven years. Okay. The paperwork wasn't signed until two and a half years ago. Okay. How much of the world that you live in now is you trying to keep stability for these kids? Oh my gosh, so much. Okay, so it's a common thing that sometimes we will try to do this thing called stability, right, we'll try to, I don't wanna disrupt their lives at all, I want everything to be calm and cool.

When reality says their lives have already been pretty disruptive and so maybe the best thing is to rip the bandaid off and go do the next hard, terrifying, scary right thing, which might mean to move. It might mean to go live with my parents for a year with four kids so that we can get our head above water. It might mean I'm going to love this season where I'm home with my kids, but I'm gonna work like bananas to get me a second job and maybe I take another full-time home job that I do late at night or like Jade says I might just ride this season out. But I want you to not consider

disruption an adverse thing right now. You might need to disrupt everything for one year, two years, maybe three years, and clean this mess up. And that's the best long-term play for peace. Thanks for staying with us, Helen. We'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, it's that time of year. It's starting to get a little bit colder. It's getting a little bit dark earlier. And sometimes, if you're like me, you just want to stay inside and get cozy.

And for me, my perfect cozy night is me and all of my family piled under blankets watching a movie, sitting by the fire, maybe even reading a book. Listen, whatever your perfect night in looks like, sometimes therapy can feel a bit like that. A time when you can settle in, finally exhale, replenishish your energy and begin to take care of yourself. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort during the chaos and rush of the holiday season or any other time of year. Taking the time to pause and be mindful is one of the reasons I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy with licensed therapists. You can talk with your therapist just about anytime

and just about anywhere, so it's convenient for your schedule. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a therapist, and you can switch therapists for no extra cost. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash deloney to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com. Hey guys, no matter what your goals are in 2025, our New Year's sale has tools and resources you need to get the year started strong, with prices starting at just $9.99. Whether you want to make progress with your money, grow in your career, or create a more peaceful life, you can achieve your goals. And these books and products can help. Shop the New Year's sale now at ramsysolutions.com slash store. That's ramsysolutions.com slash store. You're listening to the Ramsey Show.

I'm Jade Warshaw. Next to me, my buddy, Dr. John Deloney. We're taking your calls this hour, talking about your life, your money, whatever it is that concerns you. Money touches all of that. So give us a call. It's a live show. But until we get to the phone lines, we've got today's question of the day, which is

brought to you by Why Re-Fi? If private student loan debt is taking away your peace of mind and you don't see a way out, you need YREFY. YREFY refinances defaulted private student loans that other places won't touch and gives you low fixed rate loans built for you. So go to yrefy.com slash Ramsey today. That's the letter Y, R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey.

Remember, it may not be available in all states. All right, today's question comes from Drew in Colorado. Drew writes, I've been watching your YouTube channel for a few months now and I've become hyper-focused on my finances and my future. I have my starter emergency funds and I'm paying off my car, which is my last debt. I have a plan for how much I want to earn,

what type of home I want and how to get there. However, my fiance hasn't shown the same drive or aspirations. We've talked about why I've become so focused, but over a month has passed and she hasn't raised any finance or future related concerns. Should I stay in focus on myself

or should we break up so I can prioritize my goals? Drew, first I would say about, like take about 30% off brother, maybe 40% off and just slow the roll. Yeah, yeah. My guy is laser. So Terminator 2. Jade, tell me if this sounds familiar.

I know I can be a lot sometimes when I get pretty like into something. And my wife has learned and she she learned early on, that sometimes when I get super fired up about a thing, she just says, okay cool. And then I run around like a chicken in the yard, balking and flapping my wings, and then a month or two later I'm like, I'm gonna go out to eat, right? Or whatever my thing is, right? Microplastics. Microplastics Then we gotta get rid of everything. She's like, all right.

There was a season when we were newlyweds, when I was like, I was doing, I kept these long spreadsheets, I didn't have a lot of friends, but of like these N equals one experiments with diets. And so she would literally at the beginning of the month, she'd be like, what are we this month? And I'd be like, we're raw vegan.

And she's like, okay. Oh my, the worst, that's the hardest. But it was, yeah, but I would do all these different, we're full keto this month. Anyway, she just let me run. And when I read this, I see a guy who found us on YouTube. Yeah. It wouldn't surprise me, maybe I'm wrong, Drew.

If you found several cool things to rabbit hole down on YouTube, we just happened to be one of them. I love that you picked us, awesome. I do too, yeah. And you have seen the light and you're like, man, I want to do this for me. And then you say, I have a plan for how much I want to earn, what time of home I want and how I'm going to get there. And you are not in the world with a fiance of where you are planning your job, your home, you're planning the life

y'all wanna have, the world y'all gonna create. And so it sounds like you've gotten really excited and you have announced to this person who is deciding whether to hitch her wagon to you forever and you to her, and you're telling her how things are gonna go, where you're gonna live, what y'all gonna do, and she's like, I'm gonna sit over here and have my coffee.

She's writing her own letter somewhere. Yeah, she is, exactly. Yes, exactly. Just a different YouTube channel, right? So I don't know, Jade, should I stay and focus on myself before, or should we break up? Listen, it's only been a month.

He said only, well, he said over a month, which makes me think it's like 31 days or like 32 days. Sam and I were having the same conversation this morning. We were talking about somebody, somebody commented on something I wrote on social media and we were talking about that. And the context is, you know, we're big on if you are following the Ramsey Plan, whether it's the baby steps or, you know, whatever it is that we teach here and you're married or you're about to be married, it's very important for you guys to be on the same page. I subscribe to that, I 100% believe that.

It's important to be on the same page. However, there's a part of that where a lot of us have told ourselves that that happens instantly. And it doesn't. It takes a long time. It takes a long time. Like what Sam and I were saying is we were two people who were what I would say 100% aligned

and it still took us a long time to just do the things the right way and not try to find workarounds and not try. So the point in this is it's only been a month and you're not married. So she's probably also still deciding how she fits into this, who she is here. I wouldn't just cut it off right there at the knees. It takes time for people to go,

oh, I was doing something this way and I was okay with what I was doing. You're suggesting something new. Let me get my head around that. I'm not saying no, help me understand it. What is this gonna mean for me? And I've also found John that, I'm treading lightly here.

I've also found that different like depending on your your time of life, like the things that I did when I was single and could just flip a switch and be like, I'm doing it like like you said, raw vegan, you know what I'm going in and then it's like, okay, now I get married and it's a little bit harder but still somewhat easy now Sam and I are the ones doing it then you add add kids, then you add a nine to five job. Then you add, you know, the more layers you add,

what I find is the more you stop and think, okay, what's this gonna mean for me? Who does it affect? Because everything's a trade. Everything's a trade, yes. And so I say all that to say, it's not a light switch. Changing how you handle your money for you is emotional and for the people connected to you is emotional.

And they're going to have to go through that journey and they're gonna have to do whatever rounds that you did and it might take them longer. It doesn't mean they're not gonna get there. Right. So Jay, probably the most common question I've received over the last five years of doing the show is this, is this question, is how do I get my partner on board?

In some shape or fashion, that question. I always think it's worth getting beneath the plan, the ramsy way, getting beneath that. And except in cases of extreme pathology, somebody's not well or somebody is just a jerk or whatever. The two words that I've seen resonate the most have been the words peace and or the words freedom. And if you drew, watched YouTube

and the light switch came on, oh dude, I grew up in a house where my parents were stressed about money all the time and I don't want that for my life, I'm gonna become my own bank, I'm gonna get an emergency fund, I'm gonna get an emergency fund, I'm not gonna owe anybody anything, then what you really want in your life is peace.

What you really want in your life is free. Nobody will tell me and my family what we're gonna do. Then you sit down with your fiance and say, what does peace look like to you? What does freedom look like to you? And what you may find is, and I just had this conversation recently with a family that's very wealthy,

they won't pay off their mortgage. And one of them said their dad, who's elderly at this point, was adamant. You never pay off your house. And it was one of those old, it was an old like rule of life, right? But it wasn't just a math problem there. It was, my dad was real successful,

but on this one thing, I'm gonna have to go against my, right? So it had a lot of layers to it. And so all I have to say is, freedom may look different, but y'all can, everyone wants to have that conversation about what does peace in our home feel like. And she may look at you and say,

peace feels like you get off YouTube sometimes. Listen. Peace feels like you're not coming at me with a new workout plan and a new money plan and a new diet plan. And that's just me has my house, right? But like a new thing every month, peace might feel like, so Drew, don't break up with her unless unless this is unless this is already going to happen anyway. And you have a fiance now.

You're not focusing on yourself. You're beginning to focus on the world y'all are gonna create together. So, and by the way, you are focusing on yourself, but y'all know what I mean. Underneath that, sit down and say, okay, say we get married a year in, what does freedom look like for us? What does peace look like for us?

And by the way, sorry for just beating you over the head with my YouTube channel stuff, right? Yeah, yeah. Instead of inviting you in. Yeah. So that's just what I would think. Yeah, yeah. Instead of inviting you in. Yeah. So that's just what I would think. Yeah, you just, I think you have to have space

for her to be her and you to be you. And whatever clicked for him watching that is not necessarily gonna hit the same nerve for her. And he's gotta find what that nerve is. That's right. And yeah, I mean, I'm just looking at the sentence over and over. However, my fiance hasn't shown the same driver aspirations.

Listen, there are certain things if Sam Warshaw is talking to me about, I'm like, this is the most boring topic ever. And I have zero interest in what you're telling me right now, but because I love you, I'm gonna listen and I'm probably gonna act like I'm interested, but you're gonna have to find a way to get me interested in this. When I start talking about track split times in the US four by four, my wife's

eyes roll in the back of her head. I'm like, you realize that split time? She's like, you realize how little I care? Yeah. This is part of it, right? It's part of it. My husband used to try to make me watch this show on Netflix. It was like called abstract or something, and I literally told him, I said, this is the most boring show in history. Please don't make me watch it. He's like, Jade, I promise you it's good. He hasn't convinced me yet. It's a journey. So that's the takeaway.

It's a journey. Peace and freedom. Everybody can agree. That's right. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, what's going on? Happy New Year, everyone. This is my favorite time of the year. January gives me a chance

to reset and make intentional choices and I like to break down big dreams into small practical goals. Instead of trying to do everything all at once, I create new systems and I create a simple roadmap of what I'm going to do next. The Every Dollar Budgeting app helps you do the same thing. Making a budget is a great starting point to help you break down your big money goals into smaller steps. EveryDollar app even has a goal setting feature to help you stay on track. I believe 2025 is going to be your year. Picture yourself 12 months from now looking at your budget and you're proud of yourself.

Imagine that feeling. Figure out what must be true to get there and go map out an amazing year with every dollar today. Download it in the app store for free. ["Ramsey Show Theme"] All right, you're listening to the Ramsey Show. Thanks for hanging out with us. I'm Jade Warsha.

Next to me, my colleague and good buddy, Dr. John Deloney, taking your calls this hour. 888-825-5225 is the number. This is a live show. So if you want to call in, do it now. Hey, I also want to mention to you guys that the third hour of the show continues on in the Ramsey Network app.

So if you don't have the Ramsey Network app, you need to download it today, especially if you want to watch the rest of the show. You can do that by going into the app store. You can do that by clicking the show notes. And of course, Google plays where you go if you're an Android user. So that's where I want you to go.

That's what I want you to understand at the end of this hour. So let's go to the phone lines. We've got Kane, who's in Birmingham, Alabama. What's up, Kane? Hey, good afternoon, guys. You bet. I'm glad you're talking to y'all.

Yeah, how can we help you today? What's up, Kane? Hey, good afternoon, guys. You bet. It's good to talk to y'all. Yeah. How can we help you today? So, my question is, I have 18 more months until I pay my house off. Nice. And I have all my money in a high-yield savings account, which is $140,000, drawing 3.8%. Okay. I was just wondering, while I continue to say to pay my house off should I put it in the Stop market or leave it in the high yield savings account only draw on three point eight zero percent such a good question

Yeah, I would leave it exactly where it's at. It's only drawing three point eight percent But for the time, I mean that's pretty much guaranteed. You're not going to lose money and since you have such a low It's a short tail on this, you said 18 months, I would definitely leave it there. We found that kind of the five year point in more is where we might say, okay, yeah, you could invest it. If you said, hey, I think I'm gonna be doing this in the next five to seven years, I'd say, okay, yeah,

like drop it in an index fund, in a brokerage account, that'd be fine, but kind of that five year and less point, it becomes really volatile and it's not, it's never guaranteed, but at that five year or less mark, there's a very good chance of not really knowing what will have happened with that money. And so for that reason, I would say leave it exactly where it's at.

I'm really proud of you to have a paid off home. Thank you. Really, really good. How long have you been doing the steps? I guess since I was like 22, but I didn't know I was doing the steps I found Dave Ramsey like four years ago and I was doing the steps already. That's good. Just because I came from like a childhood of not having any money. Well, I'm proud of you. Very very very good. Very good question. I love it. Paid off home in 18 months?

Yeah, dude, that's pretty wild. And I love, what are my favorite people to meet in this wild world that we live in now, Jade, is when somebody's like, y'all have a whole business that just tells people to live on less than they make? Yeah. Dave Ramsey's got a whole bunch of houses.

And you mean you just tell people, pay off your debts and don't borrow money? That's your business? Yep. Over and over. Over and over again. It's really like Cain from Birmingham's like, yeah, I didn't come for much.

I just decided I was gonna make some and save it. And I just love, it's my favorite person, common sense man. Isn't it? It's so good. All right, we got Jessica in Atlanta, Georgia. What's up, Jessica? Hi, thanks for taking my call.

You bet. Hey, so about seven or eight years ago, I found a debt relief company to help me pay off credit cards to work with the companies. And so we set up a plan where I would pay them $1,200 a month for one year. And then that would be enough to pay off all of the cards. So at the end of 12 months, I get a note saying, well, all that money kind of went into a savings account and then we started working with each creditor and we couldn't pay this one off. And maybe that was in the fine print. I don't know but that's not what I was expecting. So at that point I was mad and just let it go. So they weren't able to strike a deal for less than what you

owed and so therefore the money that you had stacked up with them wasn't enough to pay it off. Is that what you're saying? Right. Right. Okay. So, um, and that was, um, that was like eight years ago and no one's ever contacted me about it. Um, but at the same time, my, it shows up on my credit. And so my credit score is really low. You know, I mean, that's it. I mean, this is like 13 years old. I just assumed it would like drop off. Why? But I guess I was wrong.

That's what I thought. I thought like after seven or eight years, it dropped off. The, the unpaid debt, you mean? Right. Well, no, I mean, it's, it's just at that point, really, you're lucky no one's sued you for it. It sounds like you knew about it. I'm just going to be honest, it kind of sounds like you knew that the money was remaining

there. It wasn't what you wanted, but you're kind of just hoping it'd go away on its own. Correct. And it didn't because this thing is eight years old. So how much are we talking about here? Well, they say that now $8,733. What was the original tab? I don't know.

I think it was like three or four thousand. So have you tried contacting them? Whoever's holding this debt, have you tried contacting them? Well, that's holding this debt, have you tried contacting them? Well, that's my issue. I mean, I guess I could call the credit card company, which was Chase, I guess I could call them and say, who has it? I don't think they have it anymore.

I don't know who has it. I don't know who to negotiate with. I just know I want it gone and whatever I need to do. I know somebody can negotiate that price down. I mean, the somebody is you. It's you, it's you. If I'm you,

Yeah, but I don't. If I'm you today, you've got a couple pieces of homework. Number one, yeah, contact Chase and find out, say who's holding this debt because they've probably sold it off a long time ago and some debt collector is holding it. The next thing is gather up your money and say, okay, I may not have $8,733, but like offer them 20%

or 30% or see what you can get because you're gonna be able to settle this. It's so old that you're gonna be able to settle this for an amount. And when you do settle it, just make sure you get it in writing and make sure it's completely paid off, that they send you, that it's a zero balance. And make sure that you have the money saved up

for when you are ready to make that deal. Because they're gonna want it. When you say, hey, will you make a deal? They're gonna wanna start that process almost immediately. Do you have $2,500 cash? Yes. Okay, I would find out, I would do everything I can to find out who it is and I'll call them and say,

I'll give you $2,500 today right now and You're not gonna give me your checking account number never ever ever But you'll put on a prepaid debit card and you'll pay them off So I'll give it to you right now if you'll settle this thing in full and you send me something in writing today You send me a contract offer $2,500 in writing right now. I'll pay it right this second and we'll be done. They think they will never see this money. Do what? I need to go get a pre-pay credit card. No, you get it. Whatever it is, send them a money order. Once you figure out what the like, once you settle on the amount, just don't give them

your checking account number and just know you're probably going to have to talk to five or six different bozos before you get to the right one Because when you call these companies, they're they want to give you the runaround Okay, so you're gonna have to really lock in and say listen. This is all I have. This is all I'm paying This is eight years old if you ever expect to get any money It's today like you're gonna have to lock in like a dog on a bone to get this done and they will say mean things About you. They'll talk about your family. They'll talk about your hair color.

They'll talk about an old boyfriend you had back in middle school. They will find ways to poke your pressure buttons. They don't think they will ever see this money again. So the fact that you pick up the phone and call and say, I'll give you $2,500 right now. They probably bought this debt for 700 bucks. And so if you offer it-

Well, Aaron is 13 years old. It's not 18. It is, but here's the other side of it. Here And so if you offer it. It's 13 years old. It is, but here's the other side of it. Here's the other side of it. At some point you borrowed three or $4,000 from somebody and you said, hey, if you let me have this today, I'll pay you back. So the other part of this is now that you're in a position to pay this off, go pay the debt, go pay the debt.

It's cost you more just on your soul, right? And so if you call them and say, I got cash right now, I'm gonna settle it. Let's be done. Make it happen. Is that cool? And they're gonna be mean. Like Jade says, they're gonna, we can't do it.

I talked to my manager. He says, I can only do it for 6,000. You say, okay, cool. I'm gonna hang up in five, four, three, and if they let you hang up, hang up. And then call them right back. And some other person won't answer the phone. Somebody will settle that for you and a buddy of mine says I used to work in collection says Call at the end of the month and that they're they try to close their books at the end of the month

And so they're more likely to say okay, let's take it right now. Let's do it right now Let's do it right now, so just just some thoughts there, but you settle it. That's a great way listen That's a great way to start the year out is make sure that you're going back, you're taking control of the things in your money that you can take control of. And as a matter of fact, if you wanna make sure that you're staying on track

with your financial goals, we've got a quiz out there to check your progress. So head out there, it's our get started assessment. It's on the Ramsey homepage there. So take that assessment. If you had it, haven't done it yet, you need to do it now. That does it for this hour of the show. John, thanks for hosting with me. Folks in the booth, thank you so much. We'll see you inside of the Ramsey Network app after this. Thanks for watching!