The Resilient Mind - Be True to You: Confront Your Fears and Give Yourself Permission to Be Yourself - Lisa Nichols

Episode Date: July 28, 2024

Lisa Nichols is one of the world’s most-requested motivational speakers, as well as media personality and corporate CEO, whose global platform has reached and served nearly 80 million people. From a struggling single mom on public assistance to a millionaire entrepreneur, Lisa’s courage and determination has inspired fans worldwide and helped countless audiences break through, to discover their own untapped talents and infinite potential. Source: Impact Theory Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠⁠ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to Be True to You with Lisa Nichols. Get access to the Resilient Mind Journal by clicking the link in the show notes. Enjoy. I said yes when I wanted to say, no, I don't want to do that. He became physically violent with me. I'd never been an abusive relationship before and I don't have the, I felt as if I didn't have the profile of a woman who would ever be abused verbally, emotionally, and sure, not physically.

And I remember when that relationship finally ended, and I was grateful that it ended and I was alive because there were some days when my life was in danger. I had so much guilt and anger and blame and more than anything shame. How did I get here? And the bigger question was, how will I get out? How do I move from this place? I remember sitting in the doctor's office, sitting on the table, and she asked me a myriad of questions. She left the room and came back with a piece of paper in her hand, and she said, Lisa, you are clinically depressed. And I need to give you this prescription. I looked at a piece of paper and it said, Lisa Nichols Prozac. I didn't see that level of sad coming. I think when sad comes, you don't know it's coming. It's just.

One little circumstance, another circumstance, another miss moment where you don't speak your mind, another moment when you don't say what's on your heart, another moment when you say yes and you really wanted to say no, another moment when you just put everyone else in front of you. And here I was in the doctor's office, clinically depressed. I asked my doctor, could I do something before I fulfilled the prescription? Could I try something else? because when she said I was really, really sad, what I realized was that I had just forgot who I was,

that I had become Jelani's mom, that's all I was. I'd become his fiancee, that's all I was, and then I was the woman that he abused, and then I was the daughter trying to hide the abuse from my father, my mother, and then I was the motivational speaker trying to hide the fact that I was sad from everyone. I just forgot who I was. And so I asked her, can I have 30 days

to just discover me again? And I did three things. One, I put affirmations all around my house reminding me who I was. You are an unrepeatable miracle. You are beautiful in your own right. You are, you deserve healthy love. You are a child of God. Everywhere I could look in my house was a post-it note reminding me of who I was.

I read scriptures and I read words that showed me my birthright. And then every day I got in the mirror and I completed three sentences. I looked in my eyes and I said, Lisa, I'm proud that you, and I found seven things to celebrate Lisa for. And the second sentence was Lisa, I forgive you for. And I found seven different things to cut the shackles of blame, shame, guilt, regret, and anger around. And I said, Lisa, I commit to you that. And I made seven different commitments to myself every day for 30 days. And when I went back to the doctor, I was completely ready to take the busker,

and fill it if I needed to. And I share it with her. She asked me question after question after question again. And then at the end, she goes, I have two questions for you, Lisa. I said, what? She said, what have you been doing for the last 30 days? And can I use it with other patients? Because I have found my way back to me.

And another moment that I'm super, super grateful for was when my daddy took me on my first date. I was 12 years old. And he took me out to a restaurant on the pier in Marina del Rey. and he ordered my drink and ordered my food and opened the car door and all the things you would do on a great date that I didn't know anything about at 12. And at the end of the evening, I went to walk in the house and my father was holding the door open for me. And he closed the door so I could not get in. And I stopped and I was like, Daddy, what's wrong? And he said, I want you to know something, Lisa.

Tonight I took you on your first date so you get to see how you get to be. treated. I wanted you to see how you get to be treated. Now sweetheart, how you choose to be treated, that's going to be on you. The big moments in your life are made up by the little decisions you make. I didn't make a big decision to get in an abusive relationship. I made a little decision to lower my integrity bar. I made another little decision to stay when I saw the first sign that he didn't honor me the way I deserved to be honored. I made a little decision when I crossed over move past that moment of discomfort and allow his words to make up for his behavior. It was my job to fall madly in love with me first, that no one was going to show me how to love me,

that I have to show not only me how to love me, but I have to show other people how to love me, that you are the first example of what loving you looks like, and the way you love you is the way the world's going to love you. So when you say, I don't need rest, then we believe you. When you say, no, don't worry about me, I'm fine, we believe you. When you say, no, I don't need help, we believe you. When you say I'm fine by myself, we believe you. So here's what I realize. Words are power.

Words, words speak life. Word, your life is a physical manifestation of the conversation going on in your head. And it's a physical manifestation of the words that are falling across your lips. And if you want to create a better life, design a better conversation. If you want to design a better conversation, think a better thought. Not about them, but first about you. And if you can feel it right now, something's stern in your soul, just that little something. You can't even describe it.

And you're still in the game. It ain't over yet. It's never too late. At 20, at 40, at 55, at 75, at 88, it ain't ever too late. Depress reset and fall madly in love with the life that you've been given. And then you'll look up and your life is barely, then you look up and your life is barely, thing you look up and your life is barely recognizable. I'm a girl from South Central L.A.

Living between the Harlem Crip 30s and the rural in 60s, had three fights a week to get home from school. I kicked out of college. I was considered academically challenged. I'm functionally dyslexic still. I wear everything as a badge. I'm fine with it. It's not, I'm not successful in spite of it.

My success is beautiful because of it. I'm that woman who was on government's assistance. Okay. I'm that woman who got out of an abusive relationship. Okay. But I'm also that woman who's authored or co-authors seven bestsellers. I'm also that woman who's a CEO of a multimillion dollar business. I'm also the woman who has an international brand and touches over 30 million people a year.

I'm also that woman. Don't wear the labels and don't let the labels wear you. you. You're bigger than a label. I'm a woman before I'm a mother. I'm a woman before I'm a CEO. I'm a woman before I'm a daughter. I'm a woman first, all things. I'm not a hero. I want to be a hero. I want to give her a chance. And I say to you as your sister, you don't think you get to press reset. You better think again. It is not over. Matter of fact, it just begun. It's a life of hustle and survival. I remember when my ninth grade teacher asked me,

Lisa, what do you want to be when you grow up? And see, I have to fight the Harlem Crip 30s every day to get home from school, so I looked at her and said, alive. I took an English class. I got a failing English. And my English teacher said in front of the entire class, Lisa, you have to be the weakest writer I've ever met in my entire life.

Don't worry, my story ends good. Don't feel sorry for me. I've got seven under my belt. And then the same year my speech teacher said After giving me a D-minus I knew I had an A in speech Like, come on He obviously didn't agree with me

He gave me a D-minus and said, quote unquote Miss Nichols, I recommend you never speak in public That you get a desk job So here's the beauty of that story Other people's perception of you Ain't none of your business Everything you've ever been through set through, rose through, cried through, prayed through,

everything is a setup for your next best season. And the way you forgive the perceivably unforgivable, the way you love the perceivingly unlovable, the way you accept what seems to be unacceptable, the way you embrace after you've been betrayed. The way you do that is the way you believe us. Your light belongs to everyone who be illuminated because you were bold enough and obedient enough

to let your light shine. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. And every time you cross, someone's path and they can't handle your light. You know those people that they try to give you reasons why you should tone it down a bit. That they would tell, sure or not to sing so loud. Right, right, right. They would tell me to shut up in class. They tell you you kind of strange. You know those people, dream snatchers, vision busters. Don't be mad at them. They can only love you to the capacity in which they're able to love themselves. Don't be mad at them. Don't be mad at them.

Pray for them. Love them. Because they're dealing with themselves like we're dealing with us. But I want you to remember that your 70 watts, your 70 watts has to be turned way up. Because you've got way more to give us. It ain't over yet. Don't put a period where God put a comma. And when you turn it up to 159 watts, you know, you keep turning it up, you're like, you stop dimming your light. You say today is the first day of the rest of my life, you turn it up. You're going to find people that can't handle your light. And before today, you might have dimmed your light. You might have shrunk a little bit.

You might have tempered it down a little bit. But after today, I want you to see this. After today, turn the lights up. After today, you don't dare. dim your light. As your light gets brighter, as your light gets brighter, you're going to disrupt some people and they're going to tell you your light's too bright, your light's too bright, your light's too bright, your light's too bright, then you just look at them and say, well, I'm not dimming my light, I'm just going to hand you some shades. I struggled all through school, all through school. The last time I took an English class, I got to fail.

My English teacher said, Lisa, you have to be the weakest writer that I've ever met in my entire life. I recommend you get a death job and you never speak in public. I look at my life and for 18 years I wouldn't touch a microphone. I wouldn't do anything near speaking. As much as I love speaking. I was afraid. Say afraid. I was afraid of being judged.

And this conversation today is about confronting your fear. Confronting your fear. And I remember for years, I wouldn't. speak. People would say, God, you should be a speaker. I said, no, no, no, no. My teacher told me. My teacher said I shouldn't speak in public, and he's a speech teacher. He knows better. So I got a job in accounting. I was horrible at it. I was in collections. I want to be liked too much to be in collections. Like, my ultimate goal is that people love me. So I'm in collections. I'm calling people telling them they have to pay.

They're telling me that they can't pay. My child is in college. I can't pay. And I go, oh, okay. Well, you know what? Since you can't pay, and I know you can't pay, because I believe that story is a good story. I'm going to do your favor.

I'm not only going to zero your balance out. I'm going to take you off the list. So my supervisor calls me into the office, and she said, Lisa, what do you want to be when you grow up? I was about 23. I said, I thought it was a test of my commitment to the company. I said, I want to be the best accounts receivable manager ever. And I swear I saw her cringe.

And she said, I don't know. She says, I give you a list of 120 people to call. And when I get it back, there's like 89. I don't know what's happening. I said, oh, don't worry, I'm doing you a favor. I'm taking off everyone who can't pay. She says, people are asking for you when they call. I said, I aim to please.

Yes, yes? She said, this is a collegiate. collection company, they shouldn't be asking for you. She said, I have to release you to find your dream. I said, release me to find my dream. Do I clock in tomorrow and look for it here? She said, no. And so I got fire. 22 years later, I walk out on stage front of 3,300 women. And this woman, when my sizzle row was playing me on Oprah Larry King, this woman's in the front row and she's crying. And all while I'm speaking, all while I'm speaking, she's crying. And I go, you know, I can bring up a few tears, but I'm like having even gotten started yet. She's crying. I don't know.

So then afterwards, I'm signing autographs, about 280 people in line. I'm signing autographs. And she's crying the entire time. And after about 70 autographs, I go over to and I said, excuse me, ma'am, you've been crying for like two and a half hours. Why are you crying? She said, because 22 years ago, I released you to find your dream, and you found it. That was the same woman who fired me. Let me tell you something. Some of your fears come out of something someone said about you. Some of your best motivation came wrapped in sandpaper.

Some of your best motivation didn't come wrap in love and came with warm cookies and milk. It came wrapped in sandpaper. It came wrapped in thorns. It came wrapped in that divorce. It came wrapped in a loss of a loved one. It came wrapped in something that didn't work. Some of your best motivation that you needed. Some of the best lessons that you need to learn came wrapped in sandpaper.

Yes, yes? Yes, yes. Your job is to take the information, to take the lesson and to take the opportunity, and use it to fuel you not make you afraid. In climbing over my fears, in climbing over my discouragement, and climbing over my issues. In that, I'm perfect for you. And so there's not one thing you can be afraid of that doesn't make you perfect for

us. Not one thing. Not one thing you can go through. Not one thing you can come through. Not one thing you can be on your way to that doesn't make you perfect. Say perfect. Say perfect. To do that thing that you've been designed to do. To say that thing you've been designed to say. To bring that experience that you've been called to bring. You are perfect. Say perfect in your imperfection. Say imperfection. When you become perfect, really, we no longer can relate to you. So are you willing to go to the edge and hold fear in one hand and passion in the other and leap in my perceivingly worst relationship where my fiance picked me up and threw me three feet across the room and choke me until I passed out when I can figure out the purpose of that relationship now I can bring Lisa

100% fully forth so that my next doesn't pay for my ex because until you are completing whole in some of those answers you're trying to avoid them in the future until you can be whole and complete with them. It's purposeful. Any relationship you're no longer in is either purposeful or life giving. Figure out which one and figure out what it gave you. What life did it give you? What purpose did it fulfill?

And then move on into your breathtaking future. That someone's going to cross your path tomorrow next week, next year. And they need the love that you have. But in order for them to get it, you need to fill your cup up. And you need to be an overflow because you can't love them from your cup. You got to always love them from your saucer. Yes. Because when you love them from your saucer, you never, ever run out.

You never love on an empty tank. Love never hurts. A lot of times when love is hurting, it's because you haven't given you everything you need yet. And you're trying to give other people what you still need. You're trying to give them your oxygen, which is why you're sitting around going, hurry up. I never made it to Broadway. So this is my best damn stage.

And so recognizing that when you love from your overflow, that's the most responsible thing that you could do. And that the greatest love that you can ever give the world is the demonstration of what loving you looks like. She can give herself a thousand second chances. And I can give myself one more. And if he can give himself another chance, if he can get up after that financial fall, If he can get up after that divorce, if she can get up after that breakup, if he can get back up after having to leave his children, if she can get back up after having that child,

and she can define herself, then what can I do? And so your demonstration of how madly in love with you you are helps me to recognize how madly in love with me I get to be. And then when I love myself enough, then all my extra just oozes over onto you. And when you let your light shine like that, because you've fallen in love with you. All of a sudden you get in the corner

and that light for a moment brightens up someone's momentary darkness and then you've been a blessing to someone else. Humanity starts with somebody. Humanity is the sister at the grocery store. Humanity is the black man that's walking down the street who looks like he can use a hello and a smile.

Humanity is the Asian woman who's in the corner who can use some love. Humanity is the white man who's in the corner who might not say hi to me, but if he sees love on my face, then he knows that I mean him no harm. I'm his sister. Humanity is each one of us. I want to love the journey and I want to feel the journey. And in order for my yes to have value, my no needs to be said. And I want to exercise my no and my yes. I want to dance until my knees hurt. I want to stay awake until I doze off in the middle of a sentence because the conversation

is so good. You know, I want to laugh until my belly aches. I want to sleep until the sun wakes me up. I want to find out what does my song sound like, even off key. I want my heart to skip a beat. And I want my stomach to turn in knots because he just took my breath away by the way he looked at me. I don't want to miss a moment of this life called love. But every time I look in the mirror at Lisa, I want to look at her and I want to say, God, I love walking with you. I love holding your hand.

I love this journey. And I'm proud. I'm proud of the way you wear imperfection. And so I say that love starts with self-love. I want you to repeat after me, but I want you to understand that these are not my words, these are your words. I was just asked to bring them to you so you can say them to yourself. I stand here. I stand here.

In my greatness. I own my light. I own my brilliance. I am bold. I am bold. I am courageous. I'm perfect in my imperfection. This is my time.

This is my time. I'm bright enough. I'm old enough. I'm young enough. I've experienced enough. I'm wise enough. I understand that I am enough. Thank you for tuning in. Continue strengthening your mind by listening to our other episodes.