The Resilient Mind - Develop Mental Toughness & Win At Life - Tim Grover

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

Tim S. Grover, CEO of ATTACK Athletics, Inc., established in 1989, is a highly respected figure in the athletic world known for his exceptional training of elite champions and Hall of Famers such as Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and Dwyane Wade. He is also recognized as an authority on the combination of science and art in achieving mental toughness and reaching the highest levels of performance.Source: Impact TheoryTake action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠⁠  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to Develop Mental Toughness and Win at Life, with Tim Grover. Get access to the Mental Mastery Program and other exclusive episodes by becoming a subscriber. Enjoy. Well, it's interesting that you said that I know about winning. The reason I know so much about winning is because I've had to deal with so much losing. Everybody wants to win, but in order to know how to win, You got to know how to lose because you're going to lose more than you're going to win.

But every time you lose, what are you gained from it? So every time I've lost, people say you've got to jump right back up. You know, get back right on your feet again. And I disagree with that. After you lose or when you get knocked down, stay down there for a minute. Understand why you lost. What were the reasons? Why are you down here?

Why did you lose? Why did you get knocked down? Because if you just jump right back up, you're going to lose again and again, and you continue going to lose the same way. So every time I lost, I stayed down for a second, minutes, hours, days, weeks. But when I stood up, I was different. I was smarter. that when I lost again, I stayed down.

I stood back up. I was stronger. When I lost again, I stayed down. How did I stand up again? I was more confident. Lost again. Stood up. I was more resilient.

Now you start putting the pieces that are necessary to win over and over and over again. So if you lose and you jump right back up and you haven't really changed, I mean really, really changed from that loss, you're never going to learn from it and you're never going to really truly know the unforgiving race to greatness because that's the part of the unforgiving part is the losing part. That part is unforgiving. When they look in the mirror, they're just trying to see what's on the surface. But winning and losing wants to know what's inside of you. It wants to know what makes you tick. It wants to know what your desires are. It wants to know what your ego is. It wants to know what your limitations are.

It wants to know what your mindset is. It wants to know everything about you because winning does not lie. When you look in the mirror, you can lie and see what's on the surface. Cannot lie what's going on inside. And that's what people are not willing to see the lies that are truly going on inside of them that are not allowing them to win over and over, sometimes even win once. You have to look, winning requires you to go so far deep inside yourself. It's way beyond the surface.

It's way beyond internal. It's going to a place that a lot of people haven't visited in a long, long time because they're afraid to visit that person because when they visit that person, they don't know who that person is anymore. It's not wanting to not only recognize your weaknesses, it's not wanting to acknowledge them, not to work on them, not to face them, and also what you have to do to change them. People will point out your weaknesses, but there's a big difference between your weaknesses and your flaws. Your flaws are your gifts, and people are so busy trying to deal with their weaknesses. flaws and change their flaws when their flaws are actually allows them to stay in that race.

If anybody got a chance to watch the last dance, Michael said, I have a competitive problem. I have a competition problem. Everything is a competition. Well, for most people, they'd be like, that's his flaw. He's always got to complete. He's always so intense. He's always wound up. Everybody tells him, unwind.

You can't tell individuals. like yourself like me to unwind that's when we're the most uncomfortable what we decide to unwind is because we want to unwind not because somebody else tells us to unwind so when you look at that when people always say oh listen you're too focused you should relax you work too much you're obsessed with Kobe was always an obsession you're obsessed Those are flaws. But those flaws allow you to win over and over and over again.

Initially, those may have been weaknesses, but when the individual recognized, you know what, these really aren't my weaknesses. These are the things that allow me to be different. It's what allows me to be unique because winning wants you to be different. Winning requires you to do different things. Winning requires you to think in a different way. Winning speaks its own language. Winning has its own way of recognizing you.

It's not the same. So winning requires you to be different, but being different scares a lot of people, which people think is a weakness. But once you recognize that difference is one of your greatest flaws that you have, the ability to stand out, now you start to actually see what winning's about. He recognized he had a weakness. Not a flaw. He had a weakness. And he said, I must figure out how to make this weakness my strength.

Now, what a lot of individuals do is they'll take their weakness and make it into their strengths, but they stop working on their strengths. And they don't advance all of those things. That's a very key component there. Recognize your weakness. Recognize what you're not good at, what you're not talented at. Do you have the ability to raise that level? And there are some things most people just don't.

A lot of the weaknesses you can work on. But there's some weaknesses that are just your weaknesses. Now, how do you work with those things? You find individuals around you who have your weakness, is their strength. And now they can carry you or carry the team, carry the staff, whatever you need in order to still get that win. And we're so worried about hiding our weaknesses and denying the weaknesses from ourselves and from other individuals. And a lot of people won't identify them because they get very emotional. When you talk about an individual's weakness and you tell them,

it becomes a lot of emotion. First time they do is, that's not my weakness. How dare you say that? They get very defensive. They get very, very defensive. And everybody wants, everyone says in any relationship, whether a business, personal, everybody wants the truth.

They'll say, please be honest with me. Well, your weakness, when you tell somebody's about their weakness and you're being honest with them, they think you're attacking them. And the reason most people feel like you're attacking them is because the individual that's identifying your weakness has the same weakness as you do. And they don't deal with it,

but they want you to deal with it because they're hoping if you deal with it, you can help them. And the best way to turn a weakness into a strength is very simple. find individuals who your weakness is their strength and find out what they did or how you can associate with that individual. You know, everyone talks about the process.

You know, they say, you got to love the process. You got to love the process. I agree with that, but I also kind of disagree with that because to me, you have to do the process. The process is non-negotiable. It's just you have to do it. All right. So if you have to do something, I don't have.

highs about it or lows about it. I know it has to get done. And if I let my emotions get involved in it, all right, it's not going to get done to its best abilities. So if people say you got to love the process and then something comes in the process that you don't really love because there's no way everybody loves 100% of any process. If you look at this beautiful setup that we have here that we're looking at, to set all this up is a very tedious process and how meticulous it has to be. And nobody's here whistling. and saying, oh, this is wonderful to do. Let me see how all the lights are. But you have to do it. You have to do it.

You take the emotions out of it and you do it. The process is a non-negotiable thing. The end result is not always there. That win isn't always there. You can go through the whole process and somebody went through didn't be as meticulous as you. And they may get that win.

Because winning has no loyalty to any. of us. You know, people that don't work as hard, they end up getting that win. People that aren't as qualified for the job, they end up getting that win. Do you stop the process? No, you continue to get more maniacal with the process over and over and over again. And part of the process that's so important, and I talk about this in the winning thing, is there's so much information that's out there. When individuals start to do the process, they get in this mind frame of what to think, what to think, what to think. Somebody else is saying, this is how the process is supposed to be done. These are the steps that you have to take in each process.

And they lose your ability on how to think. No one told me to count Michael's steps. no one told me to say, hey, when he's working out, only do eight reps on this side and do two reps on this side. There was no books out there. I mean, this was way before FitBid and all that other stuff, but I needed to know in order to effectively do the process correctly. If I'm going to go through it, I might as well do it the best of my ability and do it. do it right. So I'm going to go through these steps. These are necessary in order for my client and for myself to know I'm going through the process the way it should be gone through the way

I wanted to go through so I can get that end result. The process is non-negotiable. It's just like you have to do it. I don't care what you do. What you do. You know, a lot of routines in the morning that people go through. It's a process. It's a process to get you either closer to winning or farther. Given how fickle a mistress winning is, is it mental illness to pursue it? I think it's mental illness not to pursue it. I think that the illness is the, what is an illness?

An illness doesn't make you feel well. It takes it's taking away your health. It's taking away your livelihood. It's taking your ability to see things that are right there. All right. So winning not to pursue your win. And people have to understand this about winning. We win every single day.

There wins out there all the time. Our ability to see. see those winds, to process those wins, to understand them. That's what makes the mind sharp. That's what keeps you focused. That's what keeps you alive. The illness is not to pursue something every day that gives you a feeling like nothing else can't. And this isn't about financial security.

This isn't about monetary success. This isn't about having shiny things. Winning is in so many different forms. Raising your kids. Being able to get your message out to individuals. Those are winning. Being able to be a teacher and never leave any sense.

any student behind those are wins so the illness is not to be obsessed with those things the illness is not to be focused the illness is not to want something better for yourself the illness is not to want something better for the individuals around you the illness is not to be the best person that you can be every single day the illness is not to pursue what's so special to you the experience you get the feeling that you get from winning it you can't even describe it one of the things i think that keeps people from those things from being able to get that mindset from being able to get that neurochemical change in the brain and being able to feel that is

confidence. And winning gives you that confidence. Every time you get that chemical change, you get that hit from every little win that you get, your level of confidence goes up. Your level of confidence continues. It continues to rise. It gives you the ability to have more wins. And the crazy thing is, is when you look at it for Most individuals, especially for myself, right? Confidence is one of, it's like the ultimate drug. It's like the ultimate drug. But you know who the dealer is?

Winning is the dealer. Winning is the dealer. So if you keep getting those hits over and over and over again, that means you're winning. As small as it may be, you're winning. getting get you a little step closer to whatever you want. It gets you a little step closer to that mindset that we all have the ability to have. That's the crazy part.

We all have this isn't about playing basketball like Michael Jordan did, like late great Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade. This is about having the mindset and being able to think and process information and do things and get that chemical hit that we all have the ability of every single day that we try tricks you know so you know well i shouldn't say tricks you know they these things do work but they don't work as well all right i'm going to take a cold shower i'm going to jump in the ice tub i'm going to do that everybody's looking for like something they only have to do for quick two minutes you know if i go in there and i stand under this cold water and i bear oh man this is and they think yeah that's

that might be a small victory, but what's the ultimate goal towards the end of it? Are you just trying to shortchange that two-minute thing for something that you don't really want to do the whole process to get that hit that naturally can be converted over and over and over again every time you win? Every tool you have, and most people will not use every single,

single tool they have because they're afraid. They don't know how to control it. They don't want to acknowledge it. They're afraid of being judged. They want to stand out. They want to be different. They want women to acknowledge them, but they have so much doubt of what greatness and the unforgiving race actually requires to win over and over again. We all have fear. We all have fear. But these individuals have so much doubt. Before we started this, you were talking about, oh, I was watching one of your past interviews that was on TV.

And people, you were like, they were like, oh, man, you come out on, you come here and you're never nervous. You've been doing this for so long. And you have no fear. And you're like, no, every time I come out here, I don't care. How many shows have you done now over the years? Hundreds. Hundreds. There's always a fear to sit in here, but you never have any doubt.

What a cool way to say. You never have any doubt of what the outcome is going to be. Those individuals that won't tap into everything that they have. And there's a, so the dark side is, just because of the way I phrase it, they think it's this evil and it's this bad thing and it's not it's not think about the times where everything was going wrong nothing was going right what kept you going what kept you going when there was no friends around there was no family you were in that place what kept you going all right That was your dark energy.

That was your dark side. And think about this. When does a new day start at midnight? Is it light or dark out? Dark. So if a new day starts in the dark, why are you afraid to have use your dark side for your new beginnings? Whoa. Whoa.

It's not an evil thing. It's an evil thing if you don't recognize it. It's an evil thing if you allow it to become destructive. If it's an evil thing, if you use it for excuses. But if you harness it, it takes you to places that you couldn't even imagine. And every single winner in all forms of life, they may not talk about it, but they've all tapped into that energy, the light energy, the light energy, the dark, energy, the subconscious energy, the conscious energy, they use all, they use everything. They use everything.

And in order to have winning, winning requires you to do and use everything because you don't know one day if winning, not even a day. You don't know from minute to minute if winning is going to wear a halo or it's going to meet you with fangs. And if you can't deal with the halo, you definitely can't deal with the fangs. You can't deal with the fangs. You can't deal with the halo. And they may require different energy. The dark side turns your anger into controlled rage. Now, you're in control. You're in control. Now, how long can you stay in control? That's the difference. Are you going to burn out right away? all of a sudden you just let out all this rage or do you know how to control it and place it into

the right places not only to win the battle but to win that war and we literally have a war going on every single moment it may not be out in here but there's a war that goes on in here all the time with ourselves all the time and you can't win that war with only light you can't So my work, when I was working with my professional athletes, it required me to do a lot of traveling, a lot of leaving at short notice. And this story gets me every time. So when people say, it didn't hurt, it still hurts. I was packing for a trip. My daughter walks into her room.

She says, Dad, why do you travel so much? I said, sweetheart. This is I provide for the family. This is how I take care of you and mom. This is how I put food on the table. She looks at me, says, Daddy, if I eat less, will you stay home more? Now people would think in a fairy tale

or most people would say, I unpack my suitcase. I'm not going to take this trip. Let's go grab some ice cream or let's go out. I kept packing. I kept packing. Why? I had to send an example for her early.

of what it meant to win and what you have to leave behind sometimes in order to pursue what's unique to you. And I wanted her to understand that this is who I am. I can't be anybody else. I always want you to see the real dad, the real person. And I want to set an example for you. and I was fortunate enough that those sacrifices that I did make early, I had a conversation with her later on to tell her why I did all those things. In the middle of the conversation, she stopped me. She goes, I get it. I understand.

She saw the results. She saw how it brought us closer together. She understood my dedication to my craft and what it took to excel and what it took to be different and what it took to stand by unpopular decisions of others knowing that every successful person that I've met, every successful person that I know had to make those decisions over and over again that affect other individuals that are so close and so dear to them. Stop looking for steps. Stop looking for things that say five steps to winning, 10 steps to greatness,

eight steps to success. Those steps are infinite and they're constantly changing. And just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there. your own path to winning. Because as the late great Kobe Bryant said, winning is everything. Winning is everything. The way it makes you feel. The way it makes your family feel. The way you feel when your children win. The way you feel when your significant others win. The way you feel when you've touched other lives and they win. Those steps are in. Those steps are infinite but you got to trust yourself that they're there and sometimes you got to run up those stairs

sometimes you got to crawl up those stairs and sometimes you get all the way to the top and you got to start all over again most people don't want to even to get in the race because what you just explained to them they're afraid of it they're afraid of success they're afraid of success they're afraid of good that's going to feel because it's something unique to them. It's something different. It's something they want. It's something they want to pursue. But in order to get in this unforgiving race, you're going to have to leave a lot of things

behind. You have to leave a lot of people behind. You have to leave a lot of feelings behind. You can leave a lot of emotions behind. So the best way to describe the those individuals is, and this is why you have a hard time, I won't say relating to them, but just understanding their thinking. Because we relate to people in different ways all the time, is those individuals, their

feelings are stronger than their mind. and for us, our minds are stronger than our feelings. So you think about the success that you had previously. Your feelings could have said, you don't need to get out of bed anymore. If you literally, if you chose every single day, you're like, your feelings could have said, Why do you have to work tomorrow? Stay in bed. Your mind got you out of bed every single day

because your mind was stronger than your feelings because you knew what your real purpose was, where your real win was, even though you won previously, that may have not been your actual pursuit of the win that you wanted. You won that one and you were like, what's next? There's always a next.

So your mind was stronger than your feelings. Your mind allowed you to make that decision. Feelings make people overthink. Should I do this? Should I not get in the race? It's going to be too hard. So they already talk themselves out there, talk themselves out of it.

Most individuals, your mind will make a decision. Say, we're going to do this. Your feelings always make suggestions. They're always giving a suggestion. They're always kind of analyzing things. They're trying to see, try to see what's happening, what's going to go on. All right. When you fail, your feelings give you excuses.

Your mind makes you more resilient. You just listen to how to develop mental toughness and win at life with Tim Grover. Continue strengthening your mind by checking out of our other episodes. Don't forget to follow and subscribe.