The Resilient Mind - Develop Your Character - Jim Rohn

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Jim Rohn was a renowned motivational speaker who has been widely regarded as one of the best in his field during his time. He had an incredible ability to inspire and motivate people from all walks of life with his speeches and teachings. One of his most notable achievements was serving as a mentor to Tony Robbins, one of the most successful and well-known motivational speakers in the world today.Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠⁠ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to Develop Your Character with Jim Rohn. Get access to the Mental Mastery Program and other exclusive episodes by becoming a subscriber. Enjoy. Today, you still have a real chance to turn your dreams into reality, to make yourself into exactly what you want to be, no matter who you are or where you start from. That's why we should be doing everything we can to make the most of the opportunities that have been given to us. But I also say take care, or maybe even beware, because the stuff that really matters can get buried under everything else.

The right stuff can get smothered under all the plastic and shiny metal. And what you've got becomes a little less important than what you are. I'm talking about character now, the ability to inspire yourself that qualifies you, that gives you the right, that makes you worthy to lead others. Does it seem to you that a lot of people are succeeding these days without the benefit of a strongly developed character? It does seem that way to me sometimes, but I think some very positive signs are beginning to appear. we're starting to realize that we'd better remember what got us this far if we expect to go any farther. I think one of the sharpest distinctions between people is between the small percent who look words up in the dictionary and the overwhelming majority that don't.

I looked up the word character in the dictionary. I learned the origin of the word and then I just sat there for a minute and realized that in this, this case, the origin of the word just about says it all. Character is derived from the Greek word for chisel. And of course a chisel is a sharp steel tool used for making a sculpture out of a hard or difficult material like granite or marble. And a chisel is also used for stripping away waste material from an object, stripping away stuff that might get in the way in order to get down to the essential thing, the thing that really matters. You've got to chisel your character out of the raw material of yourself,

just like a sculptor, has to create a statue. The raw material is always there. Everything that happens to you, good or bad, is an opportunity for building your character. Character doesn't refer to other people. It doesn't refer to having power over other people or getting other people to follow you, or gaining favor with other people. Character is something that you have and that you are.

You could be marooned on a desert island, and your character would still be important. In fact, it would likely be very important in that situation. But charisma wouldn't do you any good at all. Charisma requires the presence of others, while character is all about you. Character is the person you are after you've chiseled and have gotten past all the unnecessary material to what's underneath. The person of character looks within for the true source of inspiration and energy. Powerful personalities often resist delegating authority, but it's an attitude of character for a leader to refrain from making himself or herself the indispensable heart and soul of an organization.

people of character are usually well loved by everyone around them, but they make it clear that their own first love is for the truth, even if it hurts. Character is the result of hundreds and hundreds of choices you may make that gradually turn who you are at any given moment into who you want to be. If that decision-making process is not present, you'll still be somebody, you'll still be alive, but may have a personality rather than a character. And to me that's something very different. Character isn't something you were born with and can't change like your fingerprints.

It's something you weren't born with and that you must take responsibility for making. You may not be able to cross the Rocky Mountains in a covered wagon, but you can still create a better life for yourself by crossing the mountains of your soul. and that may be even a greater challenge. There used to be a joke about football teams that lost every game. The coach would say we built a lot of character this year, didn't we?

As if character is something that you settle for when you haven't achieved what you really would. Or as if character is something that automatically develops in you as a result of adversity. I don't buy that. I don't think adversity by itself builds character, and I certainly don't think that success erodes it. You can build character by how you respond to what happens in your life, whether it's winning every game or losing every game, or getting rich or dealing with hard times.

You build character out of certain qualities that you must create and diligently nurture within yourself, just like you would plant and water a seed. or gather wood and build a campfire. You've got to look for those things in your heart and in your gut. You've got to chisel away in order to find them, just like chisling away rock in order to create the sculpture that has previously existed only in your imagination. But the really amazing thing about character is that

if you're sincerely committed to making yourself into the person you want to be, you'll not only create those qualities, you'll strengthen them, and recreate them in abundance even as you're drawing on them every day of your life. Since ancient times, philosophers have seen it as the basis of all real achievement. This is the quality of courage. A truly courageous person is not someone who never feels fear, but who fears the right at the right time in the right way. Now, keeping in mind, our idea that a courageous person is not someone who never feels fear, but who fears the right thing at the right time in the right way,

let's ask ourselves if these fears really fit that definition. I think if we look a little deeper, we'll see that what really scares people about these situations is the sense that they're going to be helpless. that all their trust was placed in somebody or something, and now they've been let down and they can't do anything. They're helpless. But remember, you're never really helpless. And the sense that you are helpless,

or that you might be if certain things were to happen, is something we really ought to be afraid of, and that we should refuse to accept. You're never just a victim of circumstances. No matter what happens, you're never without options that can get you back on track. It takes courage to recognize that, because it means accepting responsibility for your own future.

But I would suggest that we should accept that responsibility because no one is really going to accept it for us, no matter what we may have been led to believe. Let me emphasize that underlying most fear is the fear of helplessness, of being victimized or being blown around by the wind, of fate like a leaf is blown off a tree. But is that really a legitimate way of looking at things? To me it sounds like being afraid of the dark,

in which case the best thing to do is to get yourself up, out of bed, and switch on the light. After all, the people who built this country didn't feel helpless when they faced obstacles that we can hardly even imagine today. Your fears are about not living up to your ideals. about reacting instead of acting, about not taking advantage of the opportunities that are always within reach. A truly courageous person is not afraid of what might or might not happen next week or next year. He fears not making the most of every moment today.

In ancient Greece, the philosopher Demosthenes went searching for an honest man, and he never found one. There was a time when telling a lie was very serious business. Lying was a very serious matter. It was also very serious if you accuse someone of lying. Today a breach of integrity and a business matter might mean calling in the lawyers. But for hundreds of years in the past, calling someone a liar was the most common way to provoke a duel. dishonesty was treated like a personal insult that demanded immediate redress.

Everyone knew the big problems it could result if you got caught, so lying to another person took a certain amount of, what's the right word, foolish bravery maybe. But there's no such risk today, is there? Some people lie all the time without thinking about it. Most people know when they're being lied to, which they may find irritating, but they just don't. accept it. Maybe they decide to become liars themselves. Many people don't feel the same kind of

personal responsibility about paying debts promptly. And today, of course, we can put off paying for our purchases as long as we can make the minimum payment on our credit card. That pain that comes with having to shell out hard cash for something, the pain of maybe having to give something up in order to have this thing, we can avoid that pain. It's painful in just the same way that paying a big fat bill is painful. In fact, we even use the same words to talk about paying debts and telling the truth. We may talk about somebody's word being like money in the bank. We talk about being held accountable, about having to account for yourself, about being called

to account. If you've done something that you're really not proud of and you're called to account, count for it? What does that feel like? How do you handle it? What are your options when you've got to explain something that makes you uncomfortable? It's a bit like that moment of decision when the credit card bill comes every month. If you want to pay off the whole balance, there may be some pain and sacrifice involved. You may have to grit your teeth. You know that your life will be simpler in the long run, but it's going to hurt a little right now. To pay off the new golf clubs or the new computer or how about the 60-foot yacht?

I don't actually know if you can put a yacht on a credit card, but I've certainly known people who would if they could. Gritting your teeth and paying in full can hurt. So quite often it seems easier to pay the minimum and delay the pain until next month. It's easier to float the truth of your finances off into a little imaginary plastic flying carpet and sail it into the mailbox. Of course, it's not really a flying carpet. It's more like a boomerang that's going to come around and hit you in the back of the head someday. What a tangled web we weave when at first we practiced to deceive.

Maybe you think I'm being a bit tough here. Am I really saying that in every... instance you've got to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So if somebody asked me, how are you today? I'm supposed to say, I got to be honest with you, I have a sore finger. Last night I had a headache, and I've got to admit that my foot hurts a little. No, that's not what I mean. In fact, I think there are many times when some flexibility with the whole truth and nothing but the truth is called for. However, planned lying. lying with an ulterior motive, lying for personal gain, that kind of lying is definitely

something to be avoided. Remember what we said about courage? Courage is fearing the right thing at the right time and in the right way. Fear the temptation to misrepresent who you are or what you've done or intend to do. Trust who you really are. Trust your ability to earn the respect of others, pay whatever price the truth costs, pay that bill immediately, because in the long run, it's a real bargain. When you're in a leadership position, whether it's in a business or as the head of a family, honesty and integrity are not as important as money or shelter or a telephone. Honesty and integrity are infinitely more important than any of those things. You have the choice of how you

will be seen, but you will be seen one way or the other. Make no mistake about that. Leadership of a family demands even higher standards of honesty and integrity. And the stakes are higher too. You can replace disgruntled employees and start over. You can even get a new job for yourself if it comes to that, but your family can't be shuffled like a deck of cards. It might be tempting for the sake of consistency, to assert that you should always tell the whole truth exactly as you see it in every situation. But I've lived long enough in the real world to know things just aren't that simple. Shakespeare wrote of one of his characters. Every man has his fault, and honesty is his. He is more honest than wise. Just as there is a difference between

blowing hot air and premeditated dishonesty, there's also a difference between lying and recognizing the importance of diplomacy. How can you tell the difference? Your gut feelings will tell you. But the time we reach adulthood, I think most of us have extremely accurate ethical barometers built into our heads and hearts. We may choose to ignore what that ethical barometer tells us, but it's there, nonetheless. When you're in a leadership role, I believe there's at least one situation in which you're almost always justified

in stretching the truth to some degree. And here it is. You should overstate your degree of enthusiasm for your employee's work. You may use many carrots and very few sticks. Your recipe for dealing with subordinates should include at least three parts praise for every one part of criticism.

Will this stretching of the truth cost you respect? I don't think so. Will a little sugar-coding of your true feelings foster greater productivity, better work, and improved morale? Absolutely. And that conclusion is supported by a great deal of behavioral science research.

Praise is one of the world's most effective teaching and leadership tools. Criticism and blame, even if deserved, are counterproductive unless all other approaches have failed. Vince Lombardi, the late coach of the Green Bay Packers, certainly deserved his reputation as a tough manager and a man of strong character, but even he knew the importance of building up people's ego. We can call it diplomacy or psychology or just plain flattery, but it often brings out the best in people, and it's the grease that keeps the machine of human interactions functioning smoothly. So honesty is the best policy, but sometimes a little less than total honesty is even better.

We've been talking mostly about the importance of honesty and integrity in dealing with other people, but I want to conclude now by focusing on what those qualities mean to your relationship with yourself. I think a term from clinical psychology is useful here. The term is cognitive dissonance. And I'll use a quick example to illustrate what it means. Let's consider a man who is an expert on personal financial planning. He makes a good living advising people about life insurance, trust funds, and the various kinds of mortgages.

But a great deal of his business is devoted to helping individuals who have gotten themselves deeply into debt, who need to tear up their credit cards and start saving instead of spending. Sometimes there is no alternative but declaring bankruptcy and starting over. We are so surprised when one day this expert on personal financial planning says that he is going out of business. I just can't take the pressure anymore. It's too much stress. We can understand that. It must be stressful facing the problems of one person after another who's gotten into trouble financially to work through it with them day in and day out. But here is the big surprise.

I'm the one who's in trouble financially, he suddenly admits. I'm behind on everything, even my car payment, and after lecturing about the perils of debt all day, I can't stand to look in the mirror anymore. Wow. This man is experiencing cognitive dissonance. In an extreme form, he is trying to live with two conflicting images of himself in his head, and the strain is simply using up all his energy. He's fundamentally a good person. He really believes in doing the right thing, but that's the trouble. He knows he's living a lie, and the stress of that finally gets to him. You might be surprised by the percentage of high-level managers and professional people who secretly know

that they're presenting a false image to the world. The need to keep up appearances, the competition with peers, the pressure to make every year better than the last one, all this can make it very tempting to put on a mask. I'm not talking about just boasting here. I'm talking about creating a real split between what you're telling the world and what you know is the real truth about yourself. All the world's a stage, and to some extent we're all playing roles, but living with honesty and integrity can make it all a great deal easier. This is where ethics and psychology really overlap, Not only is it right to minimize cognitive dissonance. In the long run, it's a lot easier on your psyche.

Thank you for tuning into this episode. Continue strengthening your mind by listening to our other episodes.