The Resilient Mind - How Thoughts Shape Your Life - Simba Nyazika

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

In this episode we cover how thoughts shape your life. Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠�� Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to How Thoughts Shape Your Life with Simba Niazika. Get access to the Resilient Mind Journal by clicking the link in the show notes. Enjoy. In this episode, we are going to be talking about self-image. We'll be talking about what it is, why it's important that you understand what it is, and most importantly, how to change your self-image. so not only can you achieve mental mastery,

but so that you can actually start living the life that you want. The idea, the concept of the self-image was first discovered by Dr. Maxwell Mulse, who was a plastic surgeon in the 1900s, and what he discovered was when he had patients that he would provide some form of corrective surgery, there was a small portion of his patient population that even though they had this surgery, when they looked in the mirror, they did not see that they had changed. And based on Dr. Maxwell's experience, he realized that there is the physical self that we have,

which can be changed if let's say there's a physical change that happens within our body, but also there's a psychological image that we hold off to our self. And in studying the idea of the self-image, we realize that our self-image not only influence our thoughts, thoughts. It influences our emotions, how we see the world, how we see ourselves in the context of the world. It influences our actions, how we try at school and our job, the things that we pursue. But more importantly, it actually also influences the results that we get. In his book, it talks about how students that had the self-image, that they were not smart, that they were

stupid that they were not good at math, for example, they behaved in ways that were consistent with that self-image. So they might not study, they might fall asleep in class, they might not ask for help. However, when those students were provided with the tools to be able to change their self-image, the way the actors started changing, the results that they were getting, that are changing. And so he realized that our success in life. life comes down to how we see ourselves. And if we're able to start changing how we see ourselves, the quality of our life, the results that we're getting within our life are going to dramatically change.

And so what is the self-image? What is the definition of the self-image? Well, a self-image is a mental portrait that defines we are and what we believe in. This mental portrait is the result of our past experiences, successes, successes, failures, feelings, as well as behaviors. What is unique about the concept of self-image is that it acts like a thermostat in our house. You know, like with our thermostat, if we set the temperature to be 20 degrees Celsius, we know that if the home becomes a little bit cold, the heat is going to kick.

on. If the home is a little bit too hot, the AC is going to kick in. And the intention of that thermostat is to maintain homeostasis, is to maintain the temperature at that 20 degrees Celsius. Your self-image acts exactly like a thermostat in that it is going to bring you back to be congruent with the self-image that you have of yourself, with the way you see yourself. So if you do something that is not consistent with your self-image, that is outside your so-and-so-called comfort zone, you are going to feel a discomfort, and you're going to want to go back and engage in behaviors that put you back into your comfort zone, that puts you back into resonance with your self-image. And so a lot of people, for example, might have tried to change their weight to maybe attain a best

a healthier weight, but maybe they'll lose a few pounds and then they'll gain them back. They'll lose a few pounds and then they'll gain them back. Part of the reason is they're trying to change the external environment, but the self-image is not changed. And so even though they might get results when they engage in those disciplines, when they engage in those behaviors, those behaviors will not be long, will not remain for a long time because their self-image like a thermostat is going to kick in and force them to engage in behaviors that are congruent with the self-image that they currently have.

Your self-image and changing your self-image is one of the key tools that you need to master so that you can have long-standing change within your life. And so when we want to consider what our self-image is, we have to ponder what past experiences may have impacted our self-image, what things in our past, whether there are successes, whether there are failures, whether there are things that people have said to us or things that people did not say to us, how if those experiences impacted our self-image. The second question we want to be pondering is,

why have we chosen to identify with those specific experiences? Up until now, you have had millions of different experiences. However, there are certain experiences that stick out for us. There are certain experiences that we remember so vividly. Then there are the experiences that we have had that we do not remember at all. The question we have to ask ourselves is, why have we chosen to identify with those specific experiences and not chosen to identify with other experiences? For example, why have you chosen, potential as an example, why have you chosen to identify with the memory that you might have gotten from a caregiver or a teacher saying that you are stupid and identifying with those words as opposed to identifying with words that someone might have said that you are smart or you are a nice,

person. We have to ponder on this because what we choose to identify with, the experiences we choose to identify with are the ones that form our current self-image. And finally, what beliefs about yourself have been created by these experiences? What beliefs are you holding on today that have been created by those past experiences that you've had before? As you ponder this, it's important to realize that up until this point, you might not have been aware of those experiences or how those experiences have been influencing you. Maybe you are aware of those experiences. But today, you have the option to choose whether you want to continue holding on to those beliefs, holding on to that same self-image, or you can choose to actually change

your self-image and adopt a completely different self-image. moving forward which I promise will ultimately change the quality of your life. And so when we think about changing our self-image as adults, most of us it might take a little bit of time. So if let's say we've been thinking a specific way for the past 30, 40, 60 years, it's going to take us some time to change how we're going to be thinking. Fortunately for us, it's not going to take us 30, 40, 60 years. 60 years. For some, it will take a few months. For some, it will take a few years. But for some of you, it might happen right within an instant. But the option to be able to make that change is always

at your fingertips. You have that choice. You will always have that choice. And so when we want to change our self-image, one of the first thing that we want to consider is actually change how we see ourselves and the way to change how we see ourselves is to ask ourselves how do I see me how do you see you see yourself how do you see yourself as a person who's worthy do you see yourself as a person who's lovable do you see yourself as a person who's capable who's a leader who's impactful who's intelligent or do you see yourself as a person who's not worthy of love a person who's not capable a person who's not worthy of respect, who's not worthy of love. This is a very important question.

How do you currently see yourself? And as you ponder that, the next question is, how do you want to see yourself? How do you want to see yourself? Start building a picture of the person that you want to see yourself as. And so when we want to start changing how we see ourselves, the first thing we're going to be doing is reflecting. That's why I was asking you all those questions at the beginning of this episode. But the second thing we want to do is we want to change our way of thinking,

want to change our beliefs. And what are beliefs? Beliefs are simply thoughts that you've practiced so consistently that they've become habits. They are thoughts that we believe are true. And because we believe they are true, they color, they shape, they ultimately frame how we experience the world, they frame how we live in this world and how we see reality. And because our beliefs shape how we see the world, we believe that they are true. But for another person who doesn't hold the same beliefs you have,

they might be having completely different experiences. An example that truly highlights this is person one might have a belief about dogs and believe that dogs are the most beautiful, loving creatures in the world, while person too might have a complete fear of dogs. And so whenever they see dogs, viscerally their physiology changes, the experience with dogs changes. But the only reason why these two people are having drastically different experiences, even in the presence of the same dog, is because of their belief systems.

And so when they go into life, when they go through life and they meet dogs where they're walking at the park, walking in their hometown, they are going to have drastically different experiences that will reinforce the current beliefs that they have. And so the person who loves dogs, chances are after 10 years, they all have had many positive experiences with different dogs to reinforce their belief that dogs are these. beautiful, cute, loving animals. The person who's afraid of dogs will have likely had a lot more negative experiences with dogs, whether they were chased or they had a dog that could sense that they were afraid and ended up growling at them.

And so because of their belief, they have experiences that have reinforced those belief systems. And so when you are going through life, it is also important that we reflect on the beliefs that we have and ask ourselves, how are my current beliefs influencing how I'm experiencing the world? How are my current beliefs being reinforced with the world around me?

Because the truth is that they are. And so if someone comes and says, oh, you should change the way you're thinking. Most of us will say no, because we have evidence that our beliefs are true. We have evidence to tell us that, no, this belief is the truth and I will not change. But realize, keep this in mind that our world is always going to be reflecting the nature of our beliefs. A side note to keep in mind about beliefs. Some of these beliefs don't necessarily have to be conscious. Some of us have got beliefs that are subconscious that are being reflected back to us.

And so if we are not aware of our subconscious belief, we might think that we've got a positive, empowering belief about something, when in reality we might have a negative subconscious belief, which is much more stronger, which is much more potent than the conscious belief. And that subconscious belief might be materializing into our experiences a lot more than the positive belief that we are conscious of. So we always want to be reflecting in terms of what we are what's going on within our mind, what's going on within our thoughts. We want to be reflecting in terms of how we are feeling about things because our emotions tell us what beliefs we have about certain things. If you feel really, really, really good about something, reflect on that experience and ask yourself what thoughts am I having that are allowing me to have this positive feeling. you are feeling really, really bad about something. It's also a point to pause and ask yourself,

what thoughts am I having that are making me have this negative or disempowering emotion? And so now we're going to switch gears a little bit and talk about the structure of beliefs. The idea of the structure of beliefs is beliefs are self-perpetuating. They are in a, loose way of saying it, they are ephemeral.

They exist in terms of their own right because they do influence our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and how we experience the world. And so they want to be self-perpetuating and each belief that we have needs to be chosen every single moment. They need to be chosen every single moment.

It's not like beliefs are just automatic. and maybe if you're not aware about of, if you're not aware of your beliefs, maybe they are automatic. But as you start reflecting on what's going on in your mind, it's really important to realize that once you realize that you've got a negative belief or a disempowering belief,

and the definition of a negative belief is a belief that is not serving, a belief that is not getting you the results that you want in your life. That is what I mean by a negative belief. So if you've got a negative belief and you identify and become, conscious of it. The next day, if you have that belief or that thought pattern again, now you're

choosing it. It's no longer habit because now you have awareness of what is going on. And so when we think about the structure of beliefs, what makes beliefs self-perpetuating? We'll start off with negative beliefs. Is that negative beliefs tend to use six tricks for them to reinforce themselves. so that it makes it difficult for us to be able to change them. And so the power, in quotations, the power of negative beliefs is they tend to be really tied in to our survival physiology, to our survival mechanism. And so if you've got a disempowering belief, most of us is tied into our fight or flight system. It's tied into our fears. It's tied into our traumas.

It's tied into our anxiety. And so they feel so real because they are tied into our survival mechanism. And if we are to do anything that might be incongruent with that belief system, sometimes people actually feel like they're going to die. But for some people, it's a panic attack. So we have to think that negative beliefs are connected to our survival mechanisms, and they feel real. However, just because they feel real does not mean that they are real.

Just because they feel real does not mean that you have to be defined by them. Just because they feel real does not mean that they have to control your actions. You have the power to control your actions. And you have the ability to master your thoughts, your actions and your behaviors in a way that you can act in ways. that may be against the negative belief, but you know are consistent with the positive, powerful version of yourself. So the first trick that negative beliefs use to reinforce themselves is they rationalize their existence.

They'll find reasons why they have to remain there. Say if a person has got a belief that public speaking is a terrible, thing and they have a strong fear against it. They will find so many reasons why they will never go up on stage. Oh, I have an accent. I'm a woman because of my gender identity. No one who like me. I'm not smart enough.

They'll find a reason why they'll not go up on stage. And so they'll rationalize and use evidence to reinforce that belief. The second trick that negative beliefs use is that they'll justify themselves. They'll justify why we act that way. If a person using the example of public speaking, they are offered to go up and speak in front of their colleagues and they say no, because they're afraid.

They're afraid to make a fool of themselves. They are afraid people who laugh at them. And then they ask, oh, why didn't you go on and speak in front of people? They'll just justify and say, well I was not prepared. I wasn't feeling well that day. So they'll justify their actions to reinforce their belief system.

The third trick is that they'll reject new ideas. So if a person comes and says, oh, I know you can do it. I know you're able to speak in front of people. They'll reject their new ideas and say something along the lines of, oh, you don't know me that well.

I know me, you don't know me. We just met. So please don't even. pose. If a person has got a deep belief that they don't like themselves, they hate themselves, they're not worthy of love, they're not worthy of money. And someone comes and says something that is the opposite of that belief system, they'll be like, oh, you're lovable, no I'm not. Oh, you're lovable, what do you want from me? You are worthy of money. No money is the root of all evil. Or people that are millionaires, they're terrible people. They just take advantage of people.

So consciously or unconsciously, they'll actually reject any belief system, any idea that is incongruent with the current belief system. This is why sometimes if you meet someone who you can see a lot of potential and you tell them, wow, you are great, you are doing amazing work and then you see their walls go up. You see them becoming defensive. What's happening is that their negative belief is using the trick of rejection. anything that is not consistent with that. The fourth trick that negative beliefs use is that they project themselves into other people's speech. And so when a person goes up, we'll go back to the public speaking example. And maybe a person is like, hey, I'm thinking of giving this talk, what are your thoughts?

That person with the belief and the fear of public speaking, might say, are you sure? Do you know that people might make fun of you? Do you know who's going to be there? How many speeches have you given? And so they actually project their fear, their insecurity, the anxiety onto the person that they're giving that advice to. And projection is a very, very powerful tool because a lot of people in today's world, they project without even knowing it. almost any time you hear a person who tells you something and is afraid of something or is telling you something oh be careful and they don't give you a balanced advice they are projecting their own fear onto you and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that but you have to be

aware of it when it's happened you have to be conscious of it when it's happening and so a lot of people project their thoughts, they project, their beliefs, they project their fears onto other people, most of the time it is without knowing. And because the negative belief wants to be self-reinforcing, if it can feed itself onto another person so that they can adopt that belief too, then it creates the experience that the belief system is actually true, when in reality it is still not true. It doesn't matter if it's not true. It doesn't matter if 95% of the human population believe it. It doesn't make it true.

And so be aware whether you are projecting and also be aware if someone is projecting their fears, their insecurities, their disempowering beliefs when they're talking to you. The fifth trick is paranoia. This is when you go through life where a person goes through life and then they're paranoid that. their belief system is being realized.

So if a person is afraid of public speaking and they're on stage, they're paranoid that the person who's sleeping is sleeping because they're bored of their talk. Or they see people talking, they're talking about me. And that paranoia makes them not see the world as it really is. They see the world in the frame of that belief system, but they're unable to interpret what's happening in a way that is actually healthy and adaptive. And so a lot of people as well, when you start noticing, they have a lot of fears based on their negative beliefs, and then they become paranoid with those fears. Finally, the sixth trick that negative beliefs use is reward.

And so if, let's say, using the example of the person going on stage, if that person doesn't go on stage and the person who chooses to go on stage or who ends up going. on stage makes a mistake, the person who didn't go on stage, you'd be like, oh, I knew it was a terrible idea. It's a good thing I didn't go. A lot of people are stuck in their disempowering beliefs because of this. They want to start a company, but then they'll see that, well, maybe someone who started a company, they have failed. And they'll be like, oh, I knew it.

That's why I didn't start a company. At least I didn't lose my money. They want to go up and talk to someone. and they don't do it. And then maybe someone tries to go up and talk to that person, gets rejected, and then they'll tell themselves, at least I didn't go up and talk to that person. And so it'll find different ways, in serious ways, to reward itself so that it is self-perpetuating. But the truth of negative beliefs is that they are never true.

They're a defense mechanism. The truth is that when it comes down to your life and the quality of you, of life. You always, always, always will have a choice in terms of how you are going to see a situation. And when you realize that your belief systems are just options of how you can see the world, but they are not necessarily the truth, and you've got the choice of whether to believe your beliefs or choose to see the world and believe something more empowering, then you are starting to to sit in the driver's seat of your life, in the driver's seat of your mind, so that you can create the life that you really want.

When we look at positive beliefs, and a positive belief by definition is a belief that allows you to live the life that you want, that allows you to be the person that you want to be, speak the way you want to be, stand and carry yourself in the way that you want to carry yourself. It is a belief system that allows you to start those. projects that you want to start but you might be afraid or might have a triad of excuses of why they are not a good idea. Positive beliefs are empowering and the simple key to a positive belief is realizing that you've got a choice every single moment in how you interpret every single situation.

You have a choice every single moment in how to act, how to respond, and how to move forward. The example we use with the negative beliefs is a person who has been asked to go and speak on stage. A positive belief is realizing, okay, I can choose to listen to my fears, my anxiety, my insecurity, and by listening to them, I'm reinforcing them. So that the next time I'm asked to do it, I'll be more afraid. or I can choose to actually face them and overcome them and realize that there is a way to perceive this experience, this public speaking event in a way that is empowering

and then working on discovering the processes, the tools, the strategies for you to be able to get to that. Positive beliefs about choice in that, let's say someone breaks up with you, you're in a relationship with the love of your life. And they break up, they say, I don't want to be with you anymore. It is over.

A person who's unconscious will just say this is terrible. My life is over. What am I going to do? But a person who's aware of their belief system and their thoughts will realize that I could see this as a negative situation.

And maybe I might actually be sad for a few days. However, I'm going to choose to at this situation differently. I don't want to be with a person who doesn't want to be with me. So this is actually a blessing. I'm glad that they told me that they don't want to be with me so that we are not wasting each other's time. They're not wasting my time.

Now I can open up myself to figure out exactly what it is I want in a partner. I can look at the positives and not so positive from this relationship, figure out what I learned about myself, make myself better and then when I go into the next relationship I know that I'll have more clarity of what I'm looking for and more awareness of who I am as a person

that is the power of positive belief that is the power of realizing that you have a choice in how you see any situation and so when you reflect on past situations that you have had that you may consider negative

up until this point. Ask yourself, how can you see that situation in a positive light? Another way of looking at it is what did that situation teach you about life and about yourself?

Those questions can start helping you extract the positive from that situation and realize that as a second part that you do not have to be identified by that situation. Yes, maybe that thing happened, but that doesn't mean it is you. It's like you bake a cake and maybe you burn a cake. Just because you burn the cake does not

automatically mean you're a bad baker. Just because you burnt when you're trying to cook a meal doesn't mean you're a bad cook. Just because that relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you're not worthy of love. Just because that thing happened to you with that other person does not mean you're not worthy of love. Does not mean you're not worthy as a person. Those situations happened, but they do not define who you are. And so in conclusion, realize that our beliefs, how we see the world, how we think, will always influence the quality of our life. And if you can start becoming you're aware of the thoughts that are going on in your head, how you're feeling in relation to what's happening not only within your head but within your environment, and realizing that you've

got the choice to change your perspective as you move forward, then slowly, the more you change your thinking, the more it becomes a habit, the more you create new beliefs. And the more you create new beliefs, the easier is going to be to think positively. Just as there is a momentum cycle of negative thinking, where if you think negatively, you can almost like swirl and go down a rabbit ball, there's also a positive rabbit hole in which if you are thinking positive thoughts, listening to empowering information, surrounding yourself with people that are healthy, that have healthy boundaries that are also encouraging. in positive. You will actually end up spiraling up into a positive state where you are smiling

for no reason. And people are looking at you like, why are you so happy? And then you realize I just learned to become aware of my thoughts and to choose the thoughts that help me think better. And so some final tips as we conclude today's episode. change how you talk to yourself. That's also another way of changing the way you think. That's also another way of changing your self image. Because how you see yourself is going to influence how you talk to yourself. A person who sees themselves as a lovable, worthy, kind person

who never talk to themselves in ways that they'll say to themselves, I'm stupid, I am dumb. Don't be talking to themselves like that. So change the way you talk to yourself. Use empowering words. In some teachings, they call them affirmations. Sometimes they call them mantras. In Napoleon Hill's work, he calls it self-hypnosis.

Whatever name you choose to label, it doesn't matter. We all use affirmations or we all use self-talk in our day-to-day life. The idea is that since we already use them, might as well make them positive. And so change the way you talk to yourself. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively, replace it. Replace it with something more positive. And then with compassion, realize that you are changing, you are choosing a choice between the default way of thinking

and moving to a more positive, harmonious, and more stable self-image. Thank you for tuning in. Continue strengthening your mind by listening to our other episodes.