The Resilient Mind - How To Eliminate Fear - Mel Robbins

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Mel Robbins is an accomplished author, motivational speaker, former lawyer, and one of the most sought-after self-help experts in America. Her TEDx talk, "How to Stop Yourself Over," has been viewed over 25 million times and has helped millions of people around the world change their lives for the better.Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠⁠ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to How to Eliminate Fear with Mel Robbins. Get access to the Mental Mastery Program and other exclusive episodes by becoming a subscriber. Enjoy. You know, I've heard a lot of experts say that fear isn't real. That is such a bunch of baloney. Fear is so real. In fact, there are probably things that you're afraid of.

of doing right now in your life, in your relationships, and work. And the fact that you're afraid, that's robbing you of all of the experiences that you want to have in your life. I mean, if you're afraid to fly, that's going to limit your ability to travel and see the world or go visit friends. If you're afraid of public speaking, that's going to really limit your ability to express yourself and share your ideas. If you're afraid of talking to your boss or asking for a raise, that directly impacts how much money you make? Or what if you are dreaming of starting a business or you've already started a new business but you're afraid to talk to people and you're afraid to share your business with people? I mean fear is something that stops us all and that's why I'm here

to talk to you because it doesn't have to. Fear is real but I am going to share a secret weapon that I have used for years to beat every single fear that used to stop me. Now, first, before we get into this secret weapon, I just want to cover a few facts about fear, what it is, what it isn't, and some things that you may not know about fear. So first thing, fear is a physical state in your body that is exactly the same as excitement. Let me say that again.

Fear and excitement are the exact same physical state. Your heart races. You might sweat a little bit. You might feel tightening in your chest. You might feel a pit in your stomach. You have a surge of cortisol. It's basically the way that your body goes into a hyper-aware state because it's readying for action.

Now, what's the difference between fear and excitement? Really simple. The only difference between fear and excitement is what your brain is doing as your body is all agitated. If you're excited, your brain's going, oh, wow, this is going to be so cool to ride this roller coaster. If you're afraid, your brain's going, oh, no way, there's no way I'm doing that. This is dangerous.

Get out of there. Don't do that. It's saying something different. So what's critical about understanding this is that we're going to use the fact that your mind is either working for you for excitement or against you with fear to your advantage. And I'll tell you about it in just a minute how you're going to do that. Second thing I want you to understand is that you may have heard the advice, feel the fear and do it anyway. You may have heard the advice, oh, just try to calm down. Think positive thoughts.

It doesn't work, does it? And there's a reason why it doesn't work. So let's go back to fact number one. When you're afraid your body's in a state of arousal and agitation, and your heart is racing and you're all like amped up and you're hyper aware of what's going on and you're freaking out a little bit What does it like when you're calm? Ah You just kind of chill, right? You got like this low arousal state Very very difficult to go from a state of agitation and being all jacked up and excited and weirded out to a ah

kind of state. It doesn't work. It's like trying to stop a train by throwing a boulder on the tracks. It's going to make the train jump off the tracks. It's going to cause a disaster. In fact, they've proven in research that when you try to ignore your fears, it actually makes them worse. And they've also proven in research that positive thinking alone also can make your fears work worse. So what do you do? What do you do when you're about to go talk to your boss and you feel afraid? What do you do when you have to get on a plane and you're actually terrified of flying? What do you do if you've got to give a presentation and you are afraid of public speaking, here's what you're going to do. You're going to use a strategy,

the same one that I use, that has helped me beat every single fear and turned me into somebody that is terrific when it comes to a high stress situation. This is how you do it. You're going to use my five-second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought, and that is going to reframe what your mind is doing, so that your mind goes from feeling agitation, you're and making you afraid to reframing it from agitation to excitement. It works like magic. Now, I have used this technique for years, literally for years. And one of the ways that I want to introduce you to it is I want to take you backstage.

I want to take you backstage to a speech that I delivered this year. And what you're going to see is you're going to see me behind, you know, the major set. I'm about to walk out. you can kind of hear the crowd roaring. My introductory video is playing. My body is in a state of arousal. I am literally my heart is racing, my arms is sweating. Like you're going to see this.

I'm going to tell you about it. And you're going to watch me use this same technique I'm going to teach you to reframe my nerves into excitement. Check this out. All right, I'm about to go on stage. There are 7,000 people out there. And it's so exciting because what they don't know is they're about to learn the five second rule and their lives will never be the same again. Now I got to tell you my heart is

racing. My armpits are sweating. I have the exact same physiological feeling as when I'm afraid, but I'm not afraid. I'm excited. Excitement and fear is the exact same thing in your body. It's just what your brain calls it. Here's a trick that's proven by science that I use every time I speak. When I start to sweat, when I start to have butterflies, when I start to have my heart, heart race I say I'm excited I'm excited to get out there I'm excited to talk to these people I'm excited to share the five-second rule and what that does is it sends a message to my brain that tells my brain why my body's all agitated and excited and that way I don't feel afraid remember excitement and fear exact same

thing in your body the only difference is what your brain calls it go get them Now, I want to give you one more example, just to make sure that you really get how you can use this. So a lot of you have written to me about your fear of flying, and I can really relate to that fear because I used to have the exact same fear. But I use this same strategy to conquer it. Here's how you're going to do it. So first things first, if you've got to do something that really makes you nervous or that you're afraid to do, before you're about to do it, come up with an anchor thought. What's an anchor thought?

Well, an anchor thought is something that's going to anchor you so that you don't escalate any situation into a full-blown panic attack or into a situation where you screw things up. It's a way for you to anchor yourself so you maintain control over what you're thinking and how you behave. So here's an example with flying. It's important when you're creating an anchor thought to pick something that is in the proper context of what you're afraid to do. So for flying, pick an anchor thought that has to do with the trip that you're taking. So if I'm boarding a plane to fly back home to Michigan, an anchor thought

might be a picture in my mind of my mom and I walking on the shores of Lake Michigan where I grew up. That's a thought that makes me happy. It makes me excited. And it's also related to the trip that I'm taking. If you have a conversation that you need to have with your boss, pick an anchor thought. about how you feel after having that conversation. Maybe it's you picking up the phone and calling somebody that you love and saying, oh my gosh, it went so well. Or you know, you walking out of the meeting and feeling like, yeah, I survived that conversation.

I feel pretty good about myself. So now that you have your anchor thought, you're ready to beat the fear. How you're going to do it is this. So let's go back to the example of the plane. I'm on the plane and flying to Michigan. We hit turbulence. My body's going to start getting agitated, right? I'm starting to get nervous.

My heart starts to race. One of two things can happen. I can't control how my body might feel, but I can always, always control what I'm thinking about, and I can always control how I act. And so can you. So when I'm on a plane and the turbulence hits, 5-4-3-2-1, that's step one.

And it's essential. And the reason why using the five-second rule, 5-4-3-2-1 is essential, is because that is how, how you switch the gears in your mind, you awaken your prefrontal cortex, and you trigger your brain that you're now in control of your thoughts. You've interrupted the fear, you've settled your thoughts,

and now your brain is ready for that anchor thought. So then what I do after I go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is I insert the anchor thought that I've already come up with before the flight. I start thinking about walking on the beach and being with my mom and my dad. And I start telling myself, I'm so excited to walk on the shores of Lake Michigan. I'm so excited to see my parents. Now, something remarkable is going to happen in your brain.

Because you've interrupted the fear and because you've used the five-second rule to assert control and awaken your prefrontal cortex, and because you have an image that contextually makes sense to your brain because you're flying to Michigan, you know what your brain does? Your brain goes, huh. Mel's excited to go to Michigan. Because my body is in a state. Remember the first fact? Fear and excitement, exact same thing.

What's the difference between fear and excitement? What your brain is saying. Using the five-second rule and an anchor thought, you can actually switch the gears in your mind and reframe the thoughts of fear into thoughts of excitement. And because you have a vision that makes sense based on what you're doing, your brain buys it. You just tricked your brain.

Now, Dana used this technique. She says she's never been so calm when she's been flying. And Sarah used it too. Now, Sarah wrote us she was petrified of flying, but utilizing the five-second rule in 5-4-3-2-1 with an anchor thought, check out this photo of her on a helicopter tour in Hawaii. Not only was the tour amazing, but here's what's really amazing. If fear stops you, this will change your life. And for those of you that are afraid of public speaking, check out this photo of Carol.

She also had a fear of public speaking. And by using this technique that I've just explained to you, five second rule, anchor thought, reframe your thoughts from fear to excitement, something incredible happened. She was able to beat her fear and give a speech to her nursing colleagues. And that was something that was a life goal and also something she checked off her bucket list. Fear is real. You can't control the feelings that are going to rise up in your body when you're on a plane or when you're talking to your boss or when you see somebody that's attractive and you really want to go over and talk to that person. But you can always control what you think and you can always make a decision about the actions you're going to take.

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